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To anyone who knew Zhao Yunlan, it came as no surprise that he was an incredibly messy and disorganized human being, to the point where it was sometimes difficult to work—or live—with him. Zhao Yunlan’s best friend and human-cat Da Qing often felt at his wits’ end with his master’s ‘lifestyle,’ but Zhao Yunlan’s poor husband was the one who suffered the most: the gentle professor was, in actuality, an obsessive neat-freak who was driven half-mad by his disaster husband’s terrible habits.
For one, Shen Wei could remember telling Zhao Yunlan exactly 47 times—yes, he had counted—to make the bed in the morning, but Zhao Yunlan only rolled around in it until the very last possible minute before rushing off to work—Shen Wei was therefore exasperated, and rightfully so, too.
Then, Shen Wei had gently suggested that Zhao Yunlan help him with vacuuming when he had late nights at the university, but alas, he would always come home to find his husband sprawled on the couch with a wide radius of crumbs and discarded objects all around him instead of a clean living room… Shen Wei really couldn’t take it anymore.
This was why Shen Wei had invested in a boxful of sticky notes and a few good pens and, much to his husbands’ dismay, he had started sticking yellow papers all over their house with passive-aggressive instructions to [clean the dishes, Zhao Yunlan, they won’t clean themselves,] or to [wash your socks before they start walking on their own.]
Zhao Yunlan took everything in stride, as expected, and simply ignored the memos, or crumpled them and chucked them at Shen Wei’s back from time to time. The thing about Zhao Yunlan was that he was an incredibly mischievous and playful person and, when his stunning, beautiful, intelligent, gorgeous—erm, anyway, when his husband became annoyed with him, it was an automatic response for Zhao Yunlan to tease him to no end until Shen Wei broke and gave up on his principles.
This time, however, Shen Wei was determined to win this war against Zhao Yunlan, and so he doubled his efforts and stuck more and more memos all around the house until their kitchen cabinetry was covered in yellow paper, and their living room had the same neon hue because of the amount of to-dos directed at Zhao Yunlan.
Two can play this game, baobei! decided Zhao Yunlan and, sneaking a box of memos from the office—his were fuchsia in colour—he started replying to Shen Wei’s memos with notes of his own:
[Dishes need to be done tonight. SW.]
[Then do them? ZYL.]
[Why is the faucet still leaking? Call a plumber. SW.]
[It’s living its best life, leave it be. ZYL.]
[The heater was on all night. Make sure to turn it off before you leave. SW.]
[It’s fine. If the house catches on fire, we’ll just buy a new one. ZYL.]
[Can you take in the wash? It’s going to rain today. SW.]
[Nah, it will be sunny tomorrow, so it’ll dry again. ZYL.]
Unsurprisingly, the war escalated between the two and, when Da Qing came by the house after having spent some time away from home, he was assaulted by a show of violent neon colours plastered across every surface of the house. Even the lampshades were covered in a patchwork of overly bright memos, casting a strange light in the room whenever the lamps were turned on.
“Can you stop it already with this nonsense,” said Da Qing to Zhao Yunlan as the latter busied himself with writing a reply to Shen Wei’s most recent memo: a piece that read [the shelves need dusting. SW.]
“You wouldn’t understand, cat,” replied Zhao Yunlan with a wide smile filled with fond love. “This is just a little game of ours,” he said, sticking his newly written note to the bottom of Shen Wei’s: [The books will be lonely without their dust bunnies. ZYL.]
“Shen Wei isn’t actually mad; this is his way of showing affection,” explained Zhao Yunlan, but Da Qing only rolled his eyes at his friend.
“It’s ridiculous! We can’t even sit on the couch anymore. Look at it!” declared Da Qing, pointing to the piece of furniture in question with flailing arms.
Zhao Yunlan spared the couch a glance before bursting into riotous laughter. Indeed, the couch was now utterly unusable—of course, that didn’t stop him from sitting on it and collecting sticky notes all over his clothes, which then prompted Shen Wei to pluck them all off one by one, both memos and clothing confounded.
“Quit your complaining; if you’re not happy, you can just move out,” said Zhao Yunlan with a quick nudge directed at Da Qing’s ribs.
Da Qing huffed and slapped his arm away, but the pair knew that the words were only said in jest. Zhao Yunlan and Da Qing were attached at the hip, and nothing, not even this Great Post-it War, could convince the human-cat to move out.
“Urg, here’s a thought: why don’t you try and do some real housework for once? Maybe then, poor Prof Shen wouldn’t be so exasperated all the time,” retorted Da Qing sarcastically.
“Excuse you, that’s lovingly exasperated, I’ll have you know. My wife loves me no matter what!”
“Don’t count on it too much,” replied Da Qing, moving swiftly out of the way to avoid Zhao Yunlan’s incoming slipper.
“Get out of here, cat. Don’t you have somewhere to go? Any streets to prowl?”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m leaving, don’t you worry,” answered Da Qing, already making way for the door. “I’ll be back in the evening,” he added, hand on the doorknob.
“Mm, don’t be late coming back. Shen Wei is cooking salmon especially for you tonight,” said Zhao Yunlan tenderly, all previous disputes forgotten. “A growing kit like you needs his proteins.”
Da Qing smiled and waved, promising to be back on time, and left Zhao Yunlan in his neon-coloured environment to deal with Shen Wei’s incessant—silent—nagging.
That evening, Shen Wei came home tired from work, but nonetheless elated with anticipation of seeing his beloved husband’s happy face and to be covered in kisses on the doorstep before having even removed his shoes.
Zhao Yunlan did not disappoint in this regard and, the minute he heard the door click open, he rushed to greet Shen Wei, wrapping his long arms around his neck and dragging him to welcome him home with a loving kiss.
“A-Lan, let me take off my jacket at least,” scolded Shen Wei affectionately, trying to pry his lover from around his neck, but without much heart on his part—he didn’t actually mind, and this was their routine anyways: Shen Wei pretending to be bothered, and Zhao Yunlan pretending to be stubborn.
“Baobei, I missed you so much!”
“Sorry, I’m back now,” replied Shen Wei sheepishly, indulging Zhao Yunlan by placing a few consecutive pecks on his lips.
“Mm, how was work?”
“Same as always, I guess,” said Shen Wei as Zhao Yunlan grabbed him by the hand to guide him into their home. “It’s a busy period right now; my students have a lot of questions ahead of the exam—wait…” Shen Wei stopped his explanation when he took in the mammoth amount of yellow and pink sticky notes covering the house.
“What?” asked Zhao Yunlan innocently, peering at him from beneath the cover of his lashes.
“A-Lan, don’t tell me you did none of the things I pointed out…” started Shen Wei, suddenly feeling disheartened.
“Baobei, I was so busy today,” whined Zhao Yunlan, but Shen Wei knew it was a poor excuse—they both worked outside of their home, yet Zhao Yunlan was the only one not pulling his weight in terms of housework.
“A-Lan…”
“Aiya, baby, don’t frown like that, come and sit down instead and let me take care of you,” proposed Zhao Yunlan, pulling Shen Wei towards himself to hold him between his arms.
Shen Wei sighed and leaned his forehead against Zhao Yunlan’s. “You’re lucky I love you so much,” he said with a small smile, and Zhao Yunlan grinned as a response.
“Alright, look, your husband is naturally a very good and loving person—don’t look at me like that—and, because my baobei seems really stressed out about cleaning our home, I promise I’ll do some chores. How does that sound?”
“Really?” perked up Shen Wei, his tone hopeful and excited.
Shen Wei was way too gullible for his own good…
“Of course! Would I lie?” replied Zhao Yunlan, and Shen Wei shook his head vigorously from left to right.
“Then,” continued Zhao Yunlan, “how about a little incentive, ah? Something to encourage me and help me get through this m-o-u-n-t-a-i-n of chores,” he emphasized dramatically.
“A-Lan, whose fault is it in the first place—”
“Shh, don’t interrupt me,” said Zhao Yunlan, playfully placing a long finger against Shen Wei’s lips. “Why don’t we do this: for each task I accomplish, I get a kiss as compensation.”
“S-shameless,” muttered Shen Wei shyly, but remained secretly pleased with this agreement. Kissing Zhao Yunlan all day long wouldn’t be so bad…
“I knew you’d agree,” piped up his shameless husband, reaching up to run his hand through Shen Wei’s immaculately coiffed hair—well, immaculate no more once he was done.
“Really, what am I supposed to do with you?” said Shen Wei, cupping Zhao Yunlan’s face and running his thumb across his cheek affectionately.
“Tomorrow is Saturday. We can start then,” proposed Zhao Yunlan and, when Shen Wei nodded reluctantly, Zhao Yunlan’s sunny smile widened. “My baby is the best!” he declared cheerfully before pulling away to go to the kitchen and start on dinner.
The evening passed by in a playful atmosphere with Da Qing and Zhao Yunlan squabbling over the last piece of fish, and Shen Wei alternating between grinning and sighing fondly at the scene the pair made.
The following morning, Shen Wei nudged his lover awake bright and early, eager to get the house in order so that they could spend their weekend together instead of cleaning.
“Ngh, baobei, it’s still dark outside,” complained Zhao Yunlan when Shen Wei picked him up in his arms, blankets and all, to carry him out of their bedroom.
“Maybe if you opened your eyes, you’d see it’s already light,” quipped Shen Wei, and Zhao Yunlan giggled as a response, nuzzling against his neck.
“Tsk, it was worth a try,” he said, cracking an eye open to take in Shen Wei’s beautiful, stunning, gorgeous—erm, profile. “Honey, how are you so flawless so early in the morning, mm?” he questioned, planting a kiss on Shen Wei’s high cheekbone, and earning himself a dismissive grunt as a response.
“Come on, you lazy thing, you promised you’d help today,” pressed Shen Wei, depositing his man-child of a husband in the bathroom and pushing a toothbrush and a glass of water into his hands. “Get yourself ready while I prepare breakfast,” he added, pressing his lips to Zhao Yunlan’s messy bed-hair before leaving him to his morning routine.
Fifteen minutes later, Zhao Yunlan sauntered into the kitchen in his favourite worn-out tee and a pair of discoloured track pants, his hair still a mess, but evidently awake and ready to go. After a filling breakfast, during which Zhao Yunlan pulled all sorts of antics and ended up convincing Shen Wei to let him sit on his lap, the pair started by putting the dishes away and clearing out the kitchen.
“Xiao Wei,” started Zhao Yunlan after having finished with his washing-up.
“Yes?”
Wrapping his arms around Shen Wei’s back while he worked on taking care of the trash, Zhao Yunlan proceeded to put his plan in action.
“I washed allllll the dishes and dried them, too. Heck, I even put them away. Don’t you owe me something?” he asked, leaning with his chin onto Shen Wei’s shoulder.
“A-Lan, be reasonable…” started Shen Wei, but Zhao Yunlan wasn’t going to take no for an answer. After all, Shen Wei had agreed to this arrangement.
Turning Shen Wei’s face towards him, Zhao Yunlan took his rightfully earned kiss—or ten, leaving Shen Wei in a huffing, blushing mess with trash bags left forgotten at his feet.
“Ahh, what are you doing,” puffed out Shen Wei after Zhao Yunlan’s assault on his mouth, feeling that today was going to be a very difficult day if his husband insisted on doing this to him after each chore… Shen Wei wasn’t sure just how much self-restraint he could muster in front of such an infuriatingly alluring man.
“What? I’m just taking my payment!” replied Zhao Yunlan with a wink and, leaving Shen Wei to struggle with his mounting frustration, left to tackle the living room next.
Feeling especially cheerful, Zhao Yunlan beelined for the old record player that patiently waited to be used beneath an army of sticky memos. Grabbing a record from Shen Wei’s collection—a 50s album of love songs—Zhao Yunlan slapped it down on the turntable, turning the volume up to drown the house in a happy bop.
Shen Wei peeked into the living room to find his favourite person dancing around the furniture with a feather duster as a partner, belting out parts of the songs that blazed in the background and, when Zhao Yunlan saw Shen Wei observing him from the doorframe, arms and ankles crossed in loving amusement, Zhao Yunlan exchanged his feather duster for his beloved husband instead.
“You’re just too good to be true,” sang Zhao Yunlan, approaching Shen Wei with swaying hips and shimmying shoulders. “Can’t take my eyes off of you,” he continued, running a hand down Shen Wei’s chest, gaining a quirked eyebrow from his great beauty as a reply.
Zhao Yunlan spun around in front of Shen Wei, rocking his hips playfully and moving to wrap his arms around Shen Wei. “I love you baby, trust in me when I say—”
“A-Lan,” chuckled Shen Wei, “what are you doing…”
“—Oh, pretty baby,” continued Zhao Yunlan in time with the music, suddenly pretending he had a microphone to yell into. “Now that I've found you, stay,” he said, meaning each word. “And let me love you, baby, let me love you!” he concluded with a smile that reached up to the ceiling.
Shen Wei felt like his heart was about to explode and, giving in to Zhao Yunlan’s silly antics, bent to kiss him tenderly without further prompting.
“Don’t just stare, Xiao Wei,” said Zhao Yunlan with a laugh, grabbing hold of Shen Wei’s hands and spinning him around. “Come on,” he beckoned, and who was Shen Wei to refuse such an invitation?
The pair danced around their living room, laughing and singing without a care in the world. With each spin and turn, Shen Wei and Zhao Yunlan’s memos were sent flying off the walls and furniture, falling all around them in a colourful kaleidoscope of pure love and bliss—each tenderly scribbled memo a testament to their affection.
Even though Shen Wei had started his sticky note war with the intention of having his disaster husband clean up after himself, the resulting outcome of his actions was even better than having a spotless, clean house. Seeing Zhao Yunlan’s cheerful smile, a permanent fixture on his face and always directed at the love of his life, made Shen Wei grateful for having this beautiful human in his arms. After everything they had lived through, what was a bit of untidiness if it only served to prove that they were alive and oh-so very happy?
In truth, Shen Wei didn’t mind the mess if it meant having Zhao Yunlan by his side.
A house was meant to be lived in anyways, and Zhao Yunlan was what made their house a home.
The End.