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Chapter Text

Waking up as Lori Grimes kind of sucked because she rated as my least favorite person. Then again, she became universally hated because of her ongoing unhelpful and hostile actions during a zombie freaking apocalypse. Waking up before the apocalypse would hopefully help save lives. I hadn’t arrived until after the fateful morning argument and subsequent shooting that placed Rick in a hospital, but judging from the text messages on her phone, that had only happened last week.

The only benefit from having a husband in the hospital recovering from a gunshot sustained on duty. No one expected me to act like Lori normally acts. I didn’t know people’s names or Lori’s history with anyone that hadn’t been part of the show. But other moms volunteered to shuttle Carl to and from school. People dropped off casseroles and Lori didn’t really need to say much of anything. Everyone had condolences and well wishes and hugs. No one really questioned if it took several tries to respond to the name Lori or if I didn’t greet them.

The other terrible benefit, no one to question or stop me from buying all the things I might need. The first thing I did after some other mom picked up Carl for school and handed me a pie, I looked up all the camping stores in the area. Since I knew that Rick gets to the quarry after 2 months into the apocalypse, it meant camping. An hour and a half later I pulled into the giant Bass Pro Shops parking lot.

“Mom, we got a new car?” Carl slumped into the house and asked in a vaguely annoyed tone.

“Yup, we’ve got a minivan!”

“But where’s the old car? What would Dad say?”

“I traded it in, they gave me a great deal,” and they did. Everyone in town knew what happened to the Grimes family. They wouldn’t be sending a bill for the minivan for two months. By that time, no one would be paying their bills anymore.

“It’s more fuel efficient than the old car, and it’ll be easier for your dad to get in and out of the minivan when he’s coming home.” At the mention of Rick, Carl seemed to accept the new car without any more fuss.

“Can we go see dad?” Carl asked hopefully.

“Of course, take your backpack.” Carl seemed surprised, but energetically gathered up his stuff and waited by the door semi-patiently. I grabbed a large tote and tossed in Lori’s purse and a book along with some snacks and water bottles. Let’s see what I might be able to take from the hospital.

We spent the afternoon reading and talking to Rick. Carl did his homework. When one of Rick’s doctors came in, I faked a sinus infection and got a pity prescription of antibiotics.

The next month followed that sort of pattern. Apocalypse prep whenever Carl had school, home in time to spend the afternoon and early evenings with Rick. Almost all day Sunday we spent in his room talking, reading, and watching movies. Judging from the looks it got from the hospital staff and Shane, it wasn’t something Lori had spent a lot of time doing before.

“I’m really glad you’re bringing him by.” Shame said during one visit when I stepped out to run to the cafeteria for our afternoon snack.

“Yeah, it’s good for them. Rick needs to hear familiar voices. I’m glad he has you talking to him too”

“I told them it was shock, that’s why you weren’t coming with Carl.”

“Yes…” God, what a bitch! Why did either of them like her? I stopped walking and turned to look at Shane.

“I feel like I just woke up the other day. I can’t even really remember the beginning. I… I don’t even really know how I was acting.” I responded semi truthfully as I digested just how awful Original Lori had acted toward her husband and family.

When we first started to come, Rick didn’t have any personal items in his room. Now he had photographs, his clothes, and toiletries for when he woke. I knew it would be after we left, so I taped a note to the bathroom mirror.

“Dad, your clothes are in the dresser. We’re sorry we weren’t here when you woke up. But we will see you soon! Love Carl, Lori” and underneath added in a different marker, “and Reverend Shane.”

The nurses allowed it with good humor assuring us that they would call first thing if we missed him waking up.

Saturdays we spent part of the day with Rick and part of the day I took Carl all over the place shopping for his apocalypse readiness gear under the guise of going on a camping trip as a family this summer when Rick was better. A couple of Saturdays we even went with Shane, I told him he was part of the family and expected to come on the trip. So we bought new tents, air mattresses, camp beds, hikers backpacks, apparel, and all the new fancy camping things that would make the apocalypse a little more comfortable.

“Lori, are you really sure we should be doing all this? What if…” Shane stopped and looked horrified.

“What if he isn’t well enough to camp in the summer?” I asked with a sympathetic shoulder nudge and a gentle smile. I knew that it was hard for Shane to see him lying so still in the bed for so long. Even I expected him to move or react or wake up while we spent so much time in the room with him.

“Yeah, what about that?”

“Then we camp in the yard or somewhere nearby and then tell Rick all about it.”

“I could take him for a weekend, we could do a boys weekend in the woods if Rick’s not feeling up to it.”

“Exactly, and then we all go camping in the fall or next summer. But he’s going to get better and I’m not putting any negativity into the universe. Carl needs to hear that we have faith. Rick needs to hear that we have faith. You’re a good brother, Shane, a good uncle.”

Shane smiled and ran over to Carl looking at some sort of crazy long shovel multitool. It would be great against walkers. So I slowly joined them as I put more camping gear in the cart and grabbed a couple of hats for Carl to try on. They thought it was all in good fun, but we would be throwing two of those crazy sharp shovel multitools in the cart. They high fived and excitedly followed me to the crossbows.

By the time reports of the infection started to make national news, I had almost begun to think it wouldn’t happen. Even though I hadn’t always lived as Lori Grimes, it became easier and easier to think of myself as Lori. The longer I spent living and preparing as Lori, the longer I had to worry about all the normal first world problems. I racked up thousands and thousands of dollars of debt. The Grimes savings account diminished to practically nothing. I lied to doctors and nurses in clinics all over the state to obtain prescriptions I didn’t need. Stole from the hospital while visiting Rick, and opened store credit accounts in practically every store that had camp supplies, guns, ammo, or food. Which in Georgia, is a lot of stores. So if the infection did not happen, I had a lot of returns to try and make. Although I hated that so many people would be killed, hurt, and damaged by the events about to take place all across the world, part of me felt relief that I hadn’t gone insane.

Shane called a day after the plane crash to tell us to stay home. He didn’t want us to go to the hospital without him. He showed up with a blue and white vase of flowers for Rick.

We all went to visit him. Shane and Carl headed to the vending machines first so I placed a backpack right on the visitors chair. It had snacks, water, and a couple of meal replacement drinks. Leaning right into his field of vision I tried once more to get him to wake or at least tell him something he might remember.

“Rick, bad things are happening. We might not be able to come visit again. People are infected and dangerous. We got your clothes and stuff here for when you wake up. Please wake up soon. I will take care of Carl, but it might get too dangerous to visit or leave the house. Just wake up soon. What you need is in the backpack. Just in case.” Hopefully he would take the backpack. I had marked the quarry on a map in the front pocket.

During the time we’d visited, I held his hand, combed his hair, and rubbed his legs. Today, in a Hail Mary attempt, I leaned on the bed and kissed him.

Kisses his right cheek, “Wake up, Rick.” I murmured.

“Come on, baby.” Kissed his left cheek, “You can do it. Open those blue eyes for me.”

“Please, Rick, I’m sorry about the argument.” I apologized that he had to go through that. I knew Lori felt bad about it. Then I leaned down to kiss his lips.

“Carl needs you, I need you, Shane needs you.” Another kiss.

I climbed on the bed so that he would be able to see me, feel me.

“Rick, I’ve gotten as much ready as possible. Remember, I’ve told you all about it. Try to wake up, I know you’re tired, but you gotta open those eyes.” I entreated as I ran my hands through his hair and kissed his face with little kisses.

As I leaned over to whisper in his ear, I heard a giggle and the door shut.

“Rick, Shane needs you. Your partner needs you. He’s lost without you. Wake up, sleeping beauty.” Luckily, no one witnessed my ungraceful dismount of Rick’s bed.

Shane and Carl were standing in the hallway, Carl giggling and Shane looked a little flustered as he tried to shush him.

“Alright, sleeping beauty wouldn’t wake from my kisses. You boys are up.” I held the door open as they both laughed and walked into Rick’s hospital room.

“Up you go Carl, try not to lean on his chest, but give him a hug and kiss.”

Shane helped a giggling Carl up so he could give him a gentle hug.

“Dad, wake up, you’ve got to be ready for our summer trip.” Then Carl leaned into his ear and whispered to him for a while. I gave them space, but since Shane was supporting Carl to make sure he didn’t accidentally hurt him, he apparently heard him.

Whatever Carl said to Rick made Shane jerk his head up and stare at me until Carl kissed his Dad and giggled. Shane helped Carl down and moved to sit on the windowsill where he often sat when we were in the room.

“It’s your turn, Shane.”

“Yeah Shane, everyone has to try to wake up lazy bones over there. Gotta give him a kiss.” I teased.

“What?! I don’t need to kiss him.”

“Kiss him! Kiss him! Kiss him!” Carl and I chanted and danced around the room laughing.

Shane groaned but leaned down, “The things I do for you, man.” Then gave him a quick kiss on the corner of his lips.

Carl and I cheered and high fived.

“Bringing you flowers, giving you kisses, you gotta wake up before I’m making you breakfast in bed.” Shave joked and rubbed the back of his neck. He lifted the flowers he had brought and told him about everyone missing him at the station before he set them on his bedside table.

We all clustered close to the bed. I think we had kind of hoped our fairytale kisses might wake up the prince.

“Rick, we’ll give you a little bit longer, but you gotta wake up soon ok?” Shane told him.

“Yeah, you owe us all some kisses.” I reached out to hold his hand and felt his fingers flutter.

“He’s moving! His fingers moved!” I shouted.

“Shane, feel his other hand! Keep talking!” Carl hugged me tight and I stroked his back as Carl held his Dad’s hand, crying happy tears.

“Rick man, now would be a great time to get you outta here.” Shane started to talk, but gasped as he felt a twitch of Rick’s fingers. Shane tried to blink back his tears unsuccessfully.

“Dad moved, I felt him move! Wake up Dad! Please… Dad… I think you’d be really happy now if you woke up.” Carl told him before leaning over to rub his face into Rick’s arm.

“I’m going to buzz the nurses,” I announced unnecessarily but faced with the prospect of him actually waking up filled me with so much panic.

No one had said anything about how Original Lori might differ from me. There were times when I would catch Carl staring at me, but when I asked him what’s up, he would brush it off or tell me he loved me. It made my heart burst, I loved him so easily and so fast. Laying in bed at night, I only ever felt guilty that I had stolen Carl from O.L. I worried about how to deal with Rick or Shane, but I never really felt bad at replacing a woman who manipulated them and led them to death and destruction.

Now, the idea that all the care and attention that we had showered on Rick might result in him waking up early made me want to take it all back. Yes, it would be better for a lot of people if he never had to wake up alone in an abandoned destroyed hospital in a zombie wasteland world. But Carl hadn’t seemed to care that I had gained almost 15 pounds and bought an endless amount of stuff. We took up running to stay fit and Carl joined me at night doing pushups and situps, but I unabashedly ate the casseroles (the good ones), cakes, cookies, brownies, and pies that friends and neighbors brought over. Since I knew that so many foods would be inaccessible soon we ate pizza, hamburgers, and stopped for ice cream. Original Lori was skinny, but she hadn’t been super athletic. Gaining almost 15 pounds filled out my face and my bust. I liked the way the weight looked but judging from the photos on the wall, Original Lori had always stayed very skinny.

Shane hadn’t seemed to notice anything, we focused so hard on Carl and Rick. He didn’t want to reminisce because it seemed like giving up. Instead we focused on the future. On the summer camping trip and getting Rick on board with the archery set up we had for Carl in the backyard. The fact that we purchased three adult crossbows for Shane, Rick, and I to partake in the activity with Carl. I didn’t mention the additional sets I bought for people we’d meet at the quarry. Whether or not Shane noticed the weight gain, he never said. Being a single guy in his thirties, Shane dated enough women to know to never mention weight.

A husband would be different. If Rick woke up, he would see all the ways that I was different from Original Lori. He would have no reason not to talk about shared histories or past agreements or disagreements. A husband normally sleeps with a wife, and I knew that Rick’s first night with Original Lori he had sex with her. I stopped myself from thinking about it. I never let myself think about it. Admittedly probably not helpful in the long run, but while trying not to hate myself, it worked in the moment.

The nurse came in, excited for our news.

“I’ve called the doctor,” she told us as she monitored the situation. “It’s a great sign, keep talking to him.”

“Hear that brother, you’re going to be ok. Got to wake up, man. We’ve got all these plans and we’re not going to be able to do them if you’re sleeping away all your PTO.” Shane leaned in to tell him.

“Yeah Dad, mom let me get a crossbow!” Carl announced excitedly.

“Rick, that was supposed to be a horrible surprise, but if you want to wake up right now to tell me why it’s a terrible idea to arm our kid with sharp, lethal projectiles I would completely understand.” An awkward chuckle and I looked to see how happy Shane and Carl looked.

“In fact,” I teased, “If you wake up today you can exercise your veto power, otherwise I’m afraid it’ll be too late to get a refund and we will have to sign Carl up for the archery club.”

Carl looked up at me and giggled, he had already been using the equipment and it was probably too well broken in by now to be returned.

“Mooooommmmm,” Carl pretended to whine.

“Yeah, I don’t think you have veto power on this one, we were outvoted by Carl and Shane.”

“Outvoted, woman, you’re the one who came up with the idea?” Shane remarked with indignation but a sparkle in his eyes.

“You hear that Rick, you need to wake up. We need adult supervision.” I told him, much to Carl’s glee.

The nurse laughed at our antics to try and entice Rick into conversation or opening his eyes.

By dinner time, he had squeezed our hands and seemed to be a little more restless in his sleep. He hadn’t opened his eyes, but the doctor assured us that it was normal and a good sign. That he could probably hear some of what we were saying and it was his way of trying to come back to us.

No one wanted to leave him alone at night. Shane, spooked from what had happened when out on a call didn’t want to leave us alone. At least the explanation served as the official reason he had commandeered a sleeper chair and rolled it into Rick’s room.

“Well, it looks like one of us is sharing with Rick and one of us is sharing with Carl.” I told Shane over our cafeteria meal dinner eaten from trays at Rick’s bedside.

Shane choked on his pepsi as Carl snorted chocolate milk out of his nose.

Laughing, I handed both of them extra napkins.

“Really Lori?” Shane asked.

“What?” I smiled beatifically; butter wouldn’t melt in my mouth.

“I want to sleep with Dad!” Carl exclaimed.

“I’m sorry, you want us to ok Carl ‘Kicks in His Sleep’ Grimes to sleep with the injured guy?” I asked him with a raised eyebrow.

“That’s not my middle name.” Carl said before getting a calculating look in his eyes. “What is my middle name?”

I narrowed my eyes, the little shit knew something or suspected something. “I’m positive it’s ‘Kicks in his Sleep.” I smirked at him. “We can double check your birth certificate, but that sounds right.”

Shane laughed, “If you kick in your sleep, it might be safer for me to share with Rick. What do you think, brother? Should I sacrifice your wife and we can both try and fit on your tiny little bed like it's a junior high sleepover?”

Rick twitched a little, “It’s settled, you boys are on the bed, I’m gonna cuddle Carl on the sleeper.”

“I don’t think that’s what the twitch was all about.” Shane joked but didn’t look too perturbed. They’d been in each other's pockets before.

“Well if Rick wants to weigh in on it, he is welcomed to wake up and do so, until then, I get Mr. Kicky and you get to see if Rick will wake up to complain.”

It turns out, Rick did wake up. He woke up sometime in the middle of the night when everyone was sleeping. Rick woke up, took one look around, wrapped his arm around Shane to get more comfortable and fell back asleep.

No one realized he had woken up until a couple hours later when the nurse came in to change Rick’s IV. She walked in with an apology when she realized she had woken us up.

“Let me get this changed and then ya’ll can get back to sleep,” she whispered.

“Can I get some water first?” Rick asked, completely unaware he had been in a coma.

We stayed the day with Rick in the hospital but news of the infection had begun to filter up to our floor. Shane and I both pushed to take Rick home as soon as possible. If it hadn’t been for how the hospital was quickly filling with emergency cases, I doubt they would have agreed to let him go the next day. I pushed the doctor into prescribing antibiotics and pain medication as well as medicated ointment for the still healing wound.

“Lori, I don’t need all that. I feel fine.” Rick started to say while I pumped the doctor for scripts.

“Maybe something to help as his stomach adjusts to solid foods?” I probed and the doctor produced two more prescriptions and recommendations for the best meal replacement shakes.

“Lori, I’m sure…” Rick began again.

“Dad, Dad, could you hear us talking to you?” Carl moved between his father and me and began to recount every detail of his missed 2 months. I made a mental note to buy Carl ice cream.

“I know we will be bringing him to physical therapy but would it be possible to get some information about things we can do at home? Information to help us get him back on his feet but not allow him to hurt himself.” The doctor promised to have some printouts brought over.

Shane joined us to listen in on the recommendations of limitations and how to help him gain strength back.

“Lori, you guys won’t be able to do this alone.”

“Can you come stay with us?”

“Yeah, yeah of course. Things are getting dangerous out there right now. I would feel better being there with you guys.”

An exclamation from Rick interrupted the plans Shane and I hashed out for Rick’s care.

“A minivan?!”

Shit, it looked like my days of uncontested spending had come to a close.

“I got a great deal, too good of a deal really, probably a pity deal to be honest. They practically gave it away. With your injury, I wanted you to be able to get in and out of the car in comfort and you wouldn’t think it, but it’s got great gas mileage, better than the old car and it’s great, it’ll be so convenient when we take it camping. The four of us can ride in comfort with all our stuff, I think you’ll really like it. I mean, come on, dream car!!” I rambled all the possible reasons that didn’t include the words hoarding and zombie apocalypse.

“But you swore you’d never get a minivan!”

“What? No, I love mini…” Rick looked bemused by this discussion, but Carl looked smug and Shane looked horrified.

“Whatever, it…” Fuck, I was stumped and starting to panic. Tears began to well up in my eyes.

“Mom said she loves it now, she said bringing you home safely was the most important thing.” Carl to the rescue again. Rick looked touched and mollified by my emotional response and Carl’s explanation. Shane did not.

I didn’t know what ideas Carl had concocted, but he had something brewing. He definitely deserved Ice cream and an interrogation. The bad part, Shane looked ready to interrogate Carl too.

The last night in the hospital, they loaded Rick with more IVs in addition to weaning him gently into eating and drinking. Carl and I packed up most of the things that migrated to Rick’s room with the exception of the clothes Rick would wear tomorrow.

I needed to fill the prescription, buy the shakes the doctor recommended, and load up on more of the foods they recommended for Rick’s diet. Shane hated the idea of me going out alone, but I promised to be careful and left the boys in the hospital room while I ran around getting supplies for the last time with money.

Taking the opportunity to make many of the last minute purchases I knew I wanted to make from Costco. Rick came home the next day, nine days before Kings County would be overrun and Shane would lead The Grimes to Atlanta. It wasn’t a change I had planned.

Chapter Text

Since I never anticipated Rick seeing the house before the zombie apocalypse, I hadn’t done more than hide stuff from Shane or the random moms picking up and dropping off Carl. So when we pulled into the driveway out back Rick noticed stuff.

“Lori, whose camper is that?” Rick asked when we pulled into the driveway.

“That is…” Should I lie? Could I lie? Damn magical princess kisses.

I tried again, “Ok, so…”

“Lori?” Rick started to look concerned. Apparently stalling seemed shady.

“I’ve been looking into doing a camping trip this summer, you know, like Carl’s been telling you about and well, long story short and we’ve got the camper for the summer. I know what you’re thinking, but don’t worry, it’s not really costing much of anything. It’s kind of like a loaner.” I told Rick quickly, while trying not to breath or make eye contact. Because I bought it. But it wouldn’t cost us anything, because by the time the bill was due, there wouldn’t be anyone dealing in cash anymore. So, in a way, it was kind of free.

“Wait, what?” Rick started to ask.

“Anyway, we can discuss the details later, let’s get you settled in!” I clapped my hands and began to direct Carl and then climbed out of the van to start directing Shane who had just parked his car behind us.

“Rick! What are you doing?!? You’re not climbing those stairs yourself! Let Shane help you!” It turned out that Rick pushed his recovery even without the imminent threat of zombies.

So I bustled and grabbed bags and ushered everyone inside, hoping Rick wouldn’t comment on the new chest freezers. Once Rick was settled in the master bedroom propped up in the bed, I left the boys to entertain him while I prepared lunches and tried to avoid inquisitive eyes.

Surprisingly, after leaving Rick with Carl and Shane, Rick didn’t bring up the new purchases. Instead, I heard nothing but praise from them.

“Lori, the soup’s delicious. Best damn chicken noodle I’ve ever had.”

“Mom makes the best waffles.”

“I can’t believe you made bread!”

We also ate the endless supply of casseroles and baked goods that had been supplied by neighbors, friends, and the network of police wives. Which masked just how much food I had been making, and why I spent so much time in the kitchen.

Everything I made fit one of three categories; something that would be hard to recreate post apocalypse, supplies for the apocalypse, or something I needed to figure out how to make in the apocalypse.

With Rick up, I needed to prepare for an extra person earlier than anticipated. My final grocery run had us stocked for perishables and additional supplies to make more rations.

Even with all the cooking and the furtive preparations, we had plenty of time to help Rick with rehab, play games, show off Carl’s budding archery skills, and watch movies as a family. Especially since I refused to allow Carl to attend school. The first day Rick hadn’t noticed, but the second day he realized Carl should be in school.

“Shouldn’t we drop Carl off at school?” Rick asked when he woke up in the morning and noticed school started in 20 minutes.

“We’re not sending him right now?”

“What do you mean? Has he missed too much school? Is he failing out? I’m sure if we call them or go in and explain?” Rick sat up agitated, waking Shane and looking ready to take on the system.

“Whhaaat?” Shane asked as he sat up and looked around.

“Rick, Rick, calm down. He isn’t failing out. He’s fine.”

“Then why isn’t he going to school? The last two days, I kind of understand, it has been really difficult for you guys… I just got out of the hospital…” Rick had this sympathetic look on his face as he reached out in a placating manner.

“That’s not…” Good lord, the fragility of men. “Part of why Carl didn’t go to school the other day was because you just woke up.”

“Ok, but we need to get him back to normal.” Rick steamrolled on.

I snorted, I couldn’t help it. Normal didn’t exist anymore. Trying not to laugh at their concerned and earnest faces took every ounce of willpower.

“Rick, we didn’t want to alarm you yet. But there is currently an epidemic that is affecting the country and I do not want to send Carl to school where he could be exposed.” Yes, score one for me for making ‘Carl can’t go to school because he might get attacked by zombies,’ sound reasonable.

“What do you mean?” He started to lean over Shane for the remote control.

Shane helped keep Rick steady as he grabbed the remote and turned on the tv to the news.

Shane immediately winced and turned down the volume because the live news caster showed a hoard of zombies breaking over a police barrier to swarm and attack everyone they could get their hands on. It lasted for about a minute and a half where you could hear the panic, horror, and then the pain.

“What the hell? Where was that?” Rick asked. It turned out to be showing Las Vegas.

No one suggested Carl go into school that day. In three days schools would be canceled.

——

“It’s really bad.” Shane said quietly. Standing in the hallway, I waited to hear what they were discussing. “Word came down that only a head shot will stop them. We’ve been told not to try arresting them or cuffing them. Kill shots only.”

“What the hell man? They told you to open fire on sick civilians?” Rick lowered the volume on the tv. Since Carl had gone to sleep, Rick couldn’t stop watching the zombie coverage. I didn’t blame him, if I didn’t know when it would reach us, I would be obsessing over the news too.

“Said we can’t risk it, one scratch or bite and you’re next. You got it and you’ll be the one killing your family and friends.” Shane spoke sadly.

“That easily? Makes sense, all of California and the west coast is under martial law.” Rick mused. “ Are they really dead?”

“Hell, that’s what they’re saying. Hopefully, we have this all taken care of by the time you’re off medical leave so you don’t even have to worry about it.” Shane joked to lighten up the mood.

“Maybe I can come in, desk duty for now, seems like you’ll be needing the help?” Rick offered with way too much earnest optimism.

That dumbass idea almost prompted me to make my presence known.

“There is no way in hell Cobb is letting you come in against doctor’s orders and you know it.” Shane reached into his duffel bag and pulled out a gun lock box and his badge. “He did want you to have this though, just in case. Said that you might need it.”

Rick pulled the gun box on his lap, “Not gonna lie, partner, I had been feeling a little…”

Shane leaned a little closer so they were leaning into each other. “Yeah, I know.”

“Wish we had a bigger gun safe.”

“It’s not enough to have the best deputy in town staying over every night?”

“Lori and Carl are used to me being here.” Rick joked back, “but seriously, with things this bad, wouldn’t mind having a couple of shotguns.”

“You know I could bring mine but…”

“You have that big ass safe that ain’t moving anywhere.”

“Exactly.”

Well, well, well. It seems like this would be the perfect time to join the conversation.

“Maybe you just bring the guns and we figure something out.” I came in and faced two dumbstruck looking men.

“Figure something out…” Rick repeated.

“We can lock up the ammo and discuss things with Carl. If things are getting bad out there, a full gun safe at Shane’s isn’t going to be super helpful to us here.” A big gun safe. Extra free firearms and who knows how much ammunition, if I rub my hands together and chuckle manically they definitely won’t let me get my hands on it.

“You’ve been against us having any more guns in the house because of Carl for years.”

“And Carl is older now, we can discuss this with him, but as long as we take proper precautions, it seems like something that would be in our best interest. You’ve seen how careful he is with his archery set. Shane gave him proper weapons safety talks before we let him start.”

“They’ve declared martial law in a large part of the country.” Shane said quietly.

“It might be necessary.” Rick said slowly while looking intently at my face. “It could help us save lives.”

“Shane, maybe before your shift tomorrow you can bring over the guns, ammo, and anything else you can’t live without or might be really useful in a martial law type situation.”

“I can do that, I’ll bring over that new camping stuff too. Just in case.”

“Until this stuff has been figured out, I’d feel better if you stayed here.” Rick said to Shane.

“Of course,” Shane said, reaching over to clasp Rick’s shoulder. “I’ve got your back, partner.”

Shane looked ready to fall on his sword and Rick looked extra earnest and grateful.

“Great!” I interrupted their moment. It was late, Shane had the afternoon/ evening shift and we had stayed up until he got in, but it was past time for me to be in bed. “Shane, there is dinner in the fridge in case you’re hungry. Otherwise, I am off to bed.”

Both men froze. The last two nights since we had been home from the hospital, Shane had slept in the bed with Rick and I. The first night, I had asked him to stay in case Rick got up to use the bathroom. He needed help walking but he wouldn’t ask for it. Evidently, he didn’t feel comfortable leaning most of his weight on his smaller wife. So far, Shane was the only person he was completely comfortable with, including the medical staff that had been at the hospital.

The second night, Rick had been pretty steady on his feet, and we weren’t really concerned. But there existed a lingering possible need that nobody really brought up or argued about. As of today, Rick walked by himself, he hadn’t needed any assistance and we all knew it.

“Come on, if you take too long I’ll pick a movie by myself. Then, you two will have to suffer through a rom com or an ABC family movie.” I said casually, giving Rick and his… Shane another reason for a sleepover, in our bed, together. “Make sure you grab napkins!”

Gathering up clutter of loose change, a newspaper, and a couple of empty glasses from the nightstand I made space for Shane’s dinner stuff. By the time I had finished checking on Carl and brushing my teeth, Shane had his plate of bbq shrimp and grits on the ‘breakfast in bed tray’ we’d had out for Rick.

“Rick, just went to check on Carl.”

I laughed, “Thank god he’s a deep sleeper, I just did that too.”

“What did you just do?” Rick asked as he walked into the room.

“Check on Carl,” we smiled at each other. “Ok, so what’s it going to be: Star Trek, Fast and the Furious, or the 6th Harry Potter?”

“Those are our choices?” Shane asked with a raised brow.

“Ok, or The Proposal?”

They laughed, eventually The Fast and The Furious began playing and I only caught a few minutes of Vin Diesel goodness before falling asleep next to Rick. Shane sandwiching him in on the other side.

The next morning, I squeezed in a quick workout before Carl woke up and joined me for the tail end. We did some push-ups and sit-ups before breakfast. Carl and I weren’t buff, but steady exercise for more than a month showed. The downside of exercise meant needing a higher caloric intake. The upside of smashing zombie skulls without our bird arms wearing out would be worth it. Squishmishness and weakness would kill so many people. I refused to allow it to take us down.

“Alright squirt, what are we doing for breakfast?”

“Bacon!”

“Ok, but what should we have on the side with our bacon? Waffles, Eggs Benedict, omelet, pancakes...?” I asked Carl with my head in the pantry looking at our perishable food store. It would be a long time before we could have decadence again. I decided early on, I wouldn’t ration us during the time we spent at home. Also, now that I had two other adults in the house, it would be a lot harder to explain.

“Lemon Pancakes! With the blueberry stuff!”

“It’s a compote, you heathen!” I retorted as I grabbed up the ingredients for breakfast while Carl pulled out the appropriate pans and bowls.

“I’ll start the flour.” He notified me as he pulled the plastic flour container close to his prep station.

One of the many life skills we’ve been working on together involved cooking and preparing food. Carl would have to make so many adjustments for the apocalypse, learning how to help his family survive and thrive would be just as important as zombie bashing. I didn’t want him to see laundry, cooking, and cleaning as another horrible part of the new world. He needed to keep busy and learn how to do it for his own future welfare.

Next to Carl, I set out the milk, lemon, and recipe card. He had a lot of it memorized, but I gave him the laminated recipe for him to follow, just in case. On the stove, I began the blueberry ginger compote and bacon. Once Carl finished mixing everything, the bacon came off the stove top and we used the grease to cook our pancakes.

“Mmmm smells delicious.” Rick rumbled as he and Shane ambled into the kitchen to sit at the table.

“We have pancakes and bacon.” I announced as I brought a full pancake platter to the table. The rest of the food waited with an impatient Carl.

“Well at least there’s bacon.” Shane joked, as he loaded his plate with bacon and a single pancake.

Carl busily served himself three pancakes and heaped several spoonfuls of compote on top.

“Forgot the syrup,” Rick said as he started to stand up to get it.

“Dad, we don’t use syrup with these.” Carl transferred his efforts to his dad's plate and he added two scoops of the blueberry ginger sauce to his two pancakes.

Once Carl helped the guys prepare their food. He dug into his pancakes with gusto. His bacon cooling on the side of his plate.

The hesitant first bites from Rick and Shane soon turned into incredulous wide eyed delight as they quickly finished their pancakes and dug into seconds.

“Holy shit Lori, these are amazing!” Shane mumbled through a mouthful of pancake.

“Yes, so good.” Rick agreed, evidently racing to finish his second helping to beat Shane to the final pancake on the platter.

“Carl made them.” I proudly told them.

“Yup, mom taught me how.” Carl beamed at me with a blueberry smeared face. He flourished with praise and attention. As long as we made time to help burn excess kid energy out, Carl helped me with a number of preparation activities.

“You knew how to make this?” Rick asked incredulously.

“Well, it’s a recipe I got online. I had a craving…” From my old life. But I try not to think about that. “I had a craving for something new.”

“Carl, mom taught you how to cook?” Rick looked bewildered between Carl and me. “What—“

“Ow! What the? Who kicked me?” I asked as I leaned down to rub my calf.

“Sorry mom, I didn’t mean to kick… you.” Carl apologized while stuffing the last piece of bacon in his mouth.

Rick cleared his throat and turned to Shane, “Let’s get cleaned up and then we can head to your place.”

“Can I come?” Carl asked excitedly.

Rick started to answer but I laid my hand down on his arm. “Carl, remember the talk we had? About how you’re dad getting shot was our worst nightmare?” I could feel Rick tense up but I just gripped his arm a little firmer.

“Yeah, mom, but dad’s better now.”

“I know, and we’re all so happy. But, remember how we talked about it being your Uncle Shane’s worst nightmare too? How we all worried about your dad and felt bad he was hurt, but dad got to do the easy part. He got to fall asleep and get help and get fixed up. Your Uncle Shane had the really hard part. He was right there and he was one of the people that saved your dad’s life. One of the most important ones. You remember why?”

“Because whenever someone is shot or stabbed you have to stop the bleeding.”

“Exactly, you have to apply pressure and keep the blood in their body until they can patched up. A lot of people who get hurt like that, they could have lived if someone helped them like Shane helped dad. It’s so important to do it quickly and press hard enough. But it can also be scary, dangerous, and hard to remember.” I could hear Shane clearing his throat and Rick shifting in his seat.

“Why is it dangerous?”

“It can be dangerous for a number of reasons. Shane had to shoot the man who shot your dad. Because if he hadn’t eliminated the danger, more people would definitely have gotten hurt or even killed. Shane did that to protect people, help your dad, and so the ambulance could get to your dad safely.”

Rick whispered, surprised to Shane, “What? You did?”. I don’t think Rick really thought a lot about what had happened after he was shot that day.

Shane quietly responded, “Yeah, of course, he shot my partner. We needed to… I needed you to be ok. I’ve always got your back.”

“Shane…” Rick hoarsely replied.

“So, Carl, the area could be a danger zone or disaster area, or the person could be infected. A lot of people right now have a highly contagious, fatal infection and trying to render aid, in this way, is not the best idea.”

“But dad isn't contagious, right?”

“No, he isn’t, which is really good. But Shane still had to be smart, strong, and brave in order to save his best friend. And as guilty and sad and uncertain as we felt, Shane felt all of that. Plus, he saw everything happen in front of him. He and your dad just need a little alone time together. Ok, bud?”

“Yeah, Shane saved dad. He should get to be with him, if he wants.” Carl decided, before he smiled and began to clear the table.

“Yes,” I turned to look at Shane and Rick, but they were huddled together, heads bent down next to each other, neither one could see me.

Yes, “Shane should get to be with Rick, if they both want.”

Gathering up my dishes, I placed them in the sink and followed Carl out of the kitchen. Hopefully, the guys would have a real conversation about that day. Maybe then Rick would understand Shane’s need to protect Rick, Carl, me or any of the others with lethal force. Shane killed the man that shot his partner. It wasn’t a hail of bullets and no one was sure who had the kill shot. He responded faster than anyone; one shot, a kill shot.

When Shane found me in the laundry room, he leaned in to give me a hug.

“I thought you blamed me.”

“For Rick heading straight into danger?” I snorted, “I’m pretty sure that’s in his DNA.”

Shane gave a watery laugh, “Yeah, well that’s the job.”

Bullshit, “That’s Rick.”

“That’s Rick.” Shane agreed.

“You need to stop blaming yourself, you’re the only person in the world doing it.”

“It’s just, everytime I close my eyes, I see the look on his face, I see him going down.” He stopped looking at me and turned to face the pile of unfolded towels. “I know I need to give you guys your own space… privacy…”

“We don’t want our own space or privacy. Rick wants you here. I want you here.” I told Shane as he cleared his throat and nodded while fiddling with a kitchen towel. “Shane, you’re part of this family. We’ll figure it out, no one gets left behind or forgotten.”

“Did you just quote a Disney movie at me?”

“If the slipper fits…” wriggling my eyebrows I gave him an obvious looking over.

“What! No!” Shane sputtered before flicking at me with his tortured towel. “That doesn’t even… If anything Rick’s the princess!”

Laughing at his protests, I escaped his towel attack running through the house. “Princess! Princess! Princess!”

“Rick’s the princess!” Shane bellowed, eyes sparkling as he ran after me.

“Woah, woah, woah,” placated Rick as we ran around him, ever the peacemaker.

“Help me get her!”

At his words, Rick turned and grabbed me.

Laughing, Shane closed in on me, tickling fingers out. Wiggling.

“Who's the princess?”

“You’re the prettiest princess in all the land!” I declared, laughing already which would not help me withstand a tickle torturing.

Shane proceeded to tickle in retaliation. The three of us laughed, though Rick still had a bemused look on his face.

“Who’s the princess?”

“Rick’s the princess!” I gave in, much to Rick’s surprise.

“Wait, what? I’m not the princess.” The look of affronted dignity on his face made Shane and me burst into more laughter.

“Total princess,” I mock whispered to Shane.

“Yup,” he agreed. Completely pressed up against Rick’s chest with Shane standing only a few inches apart from us the moment turned heavy and slightly awkward. Throwing caution to the wind, I pulled Shane in closer.

“Group hug,” I whispered as I wrapped my arms around Shane’s waist and pulled him back into Rick’s reach.

Eventually, Rick and Shane left to pick up Shane’s things and returned long enough for Shane to eat lunch. He hurriedly tossed on his uniform and grabbed his packed dinner before driving off. Rick brought in Shane’s guns, but I made him stop and eat while I unloaded the rest of the minivan. By the time I finished, I found Rick passed out on the couch, Carl keeping an eye on him.

——-

Chapter Text

Shane stumbled into the house blood splattered, dazed, and still carrying his Mossberg. Shane normally only brought his service weapon home with him since the King County police department required officers to have their gun and badge on them at all times. It must have been bad for him to be carrying his shotgun like a teddy bear.

“Shane, Shane, are you ok?” Rick rushed over to Shane.

I followed and gently took Shane’s shotgun from him. Keeping a tight hold on it, just in case, I asked, “Shane, are you scratched? Did you get bitten?”

“It’s not mine…It’s… It’s not mine” Shane answered, still glassy eyed and unfocused.

“Shane, we have to make sure, we’ve got to check you out.”

“Lori! Not right now! Can’t you see he needs help.” Rick spat, trying to brush me away.

“He needs help, we need to check him for infection, and we need to treat the blood like it could be contaminated.” I tried not to be pissed at Rick for not adapting fast enough, and always assuming that he knew best. “Shane honey, we have check you and get the blood off you. Rick, get the gloves from the bathroom.”

When Rick didn’t move, I turned to look at him, although I hated taking my eyes off Shane. “Quickly, Rick. Come on, the blood could be infected. We have to get it off him! We have to help check him.”

Rick opened his mouth, and judging on the stubborn lookin his eye, he planned on arguing.

Shane interrupted, “She’s right, we need to check… We should have checked. Then… then…” Shane drifted off, obviously remembering whatever incident caused the blood splatters. “You’ve got to check me. I don’t… I couldn’t…”

“Shhh shhh... Ok, ok, I’ll get the gloves, we’ll check.” Rick ran off to the bathroom to grab the gloves.

It was impossible to stop watching Shane. Even though I knew he made it out of King’s county without being infected, I had changed things. Already so much has changed. What if I changed Shane’s fate too?

“It’s ok, Shane, we’re gonna help you. We’ll make sure you’re ok.” I told us both. “You’re home, it’s ok.” It has to be ok. He had to be ok.

“Don’t go out there, Lori. You can’t… you don’t know.” Shane looked into my eyes, clearly, he gained his strength from protecting and serving.

“I know, Shane, we won’t go out there.”

Rick came back with the box of gloves, he pulled his pair on and I wanted to pull on my own pair. I wanted to help Shane, but part of me feared he would turn as soon as I put the shotgun down. ‘You don’t even know if he’s bit, you know they have to die first. You’ll see it. He’s family, get your shit together. Get your shit together.’ Came my angry internal monologue.

The shotgun stayed close, but I did put it down. Once I got the gloves on, I moved to help Shane and Rick. Especially since Rick kept talking to Shane, trying to pull him out of his shocked state without really checking for infection. While Rick tried to talk to Shane, I began to unbutton Shane’s shirt.

While I focused on undressing and inspecting Shane for possible infection, Rick separated out Shane’s badge, keys, cell phone, holster, gun, and wallet while trying to get a clear idea of what had happened.

Shane and his partner had gotten called out to the nursing home, one of the patients began attacking. They were able to put down the elderly infected man, but several people had been infected. The second wave of attacks happened when they had gathered everyone together in the cafeteria. They lost over a dozen people, including a police officer who had been bitten. One of the older guys who arrived with his partner when they called for backup.

When I realized that Shane didn’t have any bites or scratches on him, I cried. The fear of possibly losing Shane and then realizing he was fine made my stomach turn and my knees weak.

“Ok, Rick, can you take Shane to the shower? I’ll warm up some food and meet you in the bedroom.”

Once they shuffled toward the bedroom. I barricaded the door and checked the blackout curtains before grabbing the food and turning out all the lights. Maybe I should have talked to the guys about boarding up the windows. I relied on the belief that Carl and Original Lori hadn’t seemed to take any precautions and they made it out of King County just fine. Although ‘Constant Vigilance’ would be the best way to stay alive, it wreaked havoc on my nerves. Lately, I made due with Home Alone type booby traps outside around the property that would warn us if any zombies tried stumbling toward our house. The only clear path into the house was the back entrance that Shane used going to and from work. I hoped the combination of a flight of stairs and the barricaded door would be enough for the night. I didn’t want to tie my fishing line triplines in the dark, especially without anyone to watch my back.

On the way toward the bedroom with some food and water for Shane, I stopped to check on Carl. The window in his room had sturdy clear safety panels I installed weeks ago. Although, not boarded up, it allowed me a measure of reassurance. Weeks ago, we also planted large bushes all around the house. Getting to the windows would be harder. It wouldn’t stop a determined zombie, but I hoped it would slow them down or tangle them up while helping alert me to the danger.

Second week into the apocalypse, still relatively safe inside the house with electricity, and I had to resist the urge to bundle Carl up. Every night, I wanted to have all of us sleeping in a closet with the doors barred and the guns out. How the hell did they feel safe enough at the quarry sleeping in tents? They say, ignorance is bliss, but maybe it was just denial.

That night, I laid awake in bed contemplating the timeline of events. We weren’t supposed to leave for Atlanta for another three days, but Shane worked a different shift and heading to the quarry early could help us set up before everyone else showed up. How would I convince Rick and Shane to go to the quarry before Atlanta is bombed? Should I let them in on my preparation? How could I save the maximum amount of people without nurturing a hostile, counterproductive environment? These questions and a dozen more races through my mind. The most pressing; were we safe?

My hand drifted down to check the fingerprint locked gun I tucked into my bedside reading pocket. The handle of my 9 iron poked up next to the mattress on my side while Rick had Shane’s shotgun next to him- on his side of the bed. We bundled Shane up in the middle of the bed. The day's events clearly affected him, he slept fitfully unless we were pressed close. Eventually, the warmth of spooning Shane lulled me to sleep as well.

After breakfast, we let Carl play video games while Shane revealed the most shocking aspect of his day at the nursing home.

“He hadn’t been bitten or scratched”

“How do you know?” Rick asked, sipping his coffee. “Maybe he didn’t want to tell anyone.”

“Rick, they told me, he was bedridden, completely non verbal. He’d had a stroke or something. He died that morning. Just waiting on the morgue for pickup.”

“Ok, well maybe someone got him.” Rick suggested, a very worried look in his eyes.

“None of the doctors or nurses had been infected, then…” Shane pushed away his mug. “He just died because he was old. The man was in his late nineties.”

“Ok, so then what happened?” Rick questioned and stood up to begin pacing. His agitation and nerves caused Shane to drop his head.

“I think it’s anyone who dies.” Shane practically whispered. He rubbed his hand over his head. “It’s like… I think… it’s in the air, or… or we all got it.”

“That’s impossible,” Rick hissed, but he looked frantic. It was easy to tell he just didn’t want it to be true. But Shane’s horrible day yesterday made it difficult to refute all the evidence constantly being laid out. It was one thing to see it on the tv, but hearing it from Shane… it was different.

“More impossible than a ninety seven year old dead man becoming a freaking zombie and getting up to attack 4 different people? The nurse swore up and down, they didn’t think he had the strength to walk himself to the bathroom yesterday. Let alone require three people to drag him off another patient and lock him in his room.”

“You think they’re zombies?”

“You didn’t see it, he ripped an old lady's throat out, literally half gone. She died in seconds, but… but an hour and a half later she got up and killed Johnson.”

“Ok, so what do we do?” I prompted Shane.

“Anyone dies, for any reason, we gotta shoot 'em in the head. Just to make sure they don’t get back up.”

“If they’re dead, I guess making sure isn’t a bad idea.” Rick said, nodding to himself.

“Also, we gotta check,” Shane said. “Like last night. Lori was right, man. One of the other residents got scratched. Didn’t say anything. They lost three more residents just because of that.”

“Ok, ok, but—“

“But nothing, if I had been scratched and turned. If I hurt Carl…” Shane lowered and shook his head. Quietly he spoke, “I endangered y’all by coming here.”

“No!” We needed to be a united front. I wouldn’t let that thought fester. “No more blame, we are learning and adjusting. Shane, you were right to come home. We were right to check you out. We will check every one from now on. Especially, any newcomers. Deal?” I asked.

Shane reached out to clasp my hand, “yeah… deal.”

We turned to Rick, “Safety first, deal?”

“Deal.” He clasped his hand on top of our little pile. “Safety first. So that means you always come back Shane.” Rick tightened his hand and gave him a long look.

“Ok, so they’re trying to get everyone to go to the refugee camp set up in Atlanta.”
Rick pointed out.

“But… we know if someone dies from a heart attack or a stroke, we’ve got the possibility of a zombie in the middle of a crowded camp.” I put it out there.

“So we can’t go to Atlanta.” Rick concluded.

“Do we stay here?” Asked Shane.

“We need other people, but not too many that we can’t keep an eye on things.” I stated. Time to see if they would get on board with my plan. “There is a national park area, a quarry outside Atlanta. We can camp there. We’ll be close enough to Atlanta to see if they have made the city an actual safe zone and organized it well enough to avoid accidents. But far enough away that we can leave if we don’t like what we see.”

The guys exchange looks.

“Might not be a bad idea.”

“Do you still have work today?”

“I gotta go in, we’re short, and… I’ll see what the Sheriff says.”

“Shane, if at all possible. Can you grab more guns and ammo? A couple of those spike strips and anything else that’ll help us out. Maybe a couple of bullet proof vests.”

“Lori, they aren’t just going to let me go shopping in inventory.”

“Maybe, maybe not. Just see if you can load up on enough stuff.”

“If you leave the shotgun here today, you can probably grab another shotgun, maybe another handgun, and an AR-15 for your duty bag and no one will flinch.”

“Ok, ok, I’ll grab what I can, but I gotta leave enough for the other guys.”

“Of course,” I agreed.

“Also, you tell everyone the new information we’re working with. Beware any dead bodies, shoot ‘em in the head, and everyone gets a strip search infection check.”

“Yeah, yeah, we can set that up. I better head in if I’m going to tell everyone.”

“Also, Shane… maybe we tell them where we are planning on going?” I put it out there, hesitantly.

“That’s real smart, we should have a rendezvous point, in case it gets really bad.” Rick said as he nodded. “Hey, maybe I should come in? Help spread the word to everyone.”

“I don’t know man, you know how Cobb is with the rules.”

“I know, but you’re short handed and I’m just passing on what we figured out.”

Shane looked at me, and while I could see what Rick was saying, I didn’t know how it would turn out. Granted Rick seemed to have 9 lives and the luck of the devil. So he could probably take care of himself. Especially now that we established a baseline zombie check.

“If you go, you have to be careful. Check everyone. Even the ones already in the station. Everyone gets a strip search and you shoot any dead bodies in the face, including the ones trying to attack.” I stared intently at Rick, making sure he wouldn’t deviate like he was known to do.

“I’ll make sure we check everyone.” Rick promised.

“We have a spare bedroom and a few couches, maybe we think about safety in numbers and grab a few of the other officers and their families…” I shook my head, wishing I had taken the time to try and learn who Rick and Shane worked with. “Call or text me if I should expect anyone or start making up rooms.”

“No problem, are you going to be ok here on your own?”

“Yes, Carl and I will stay inside. Maybe we’ll move his mattress into our room. I’d feel more comfortable if he’s with us.” I brought the dishes to the sink to be washed after they left.

“Ok, Lori, we’ll leave the shotgun.”

“Alright, call with any information if you can.”

“Rick man, we better go, just in case the Sheriff decides we need to send you home.”

The Sheriff did not send Rick back home.
—-

Carl seemed excited by the possibility of house guests, so he happily helped me move our tall dresser in front of the bedroom window. Instead of dragging his mattress, we decided to use a camp cot.

“Help me straighten up your room?”

“Sure, mom. Can I put some of my comics in your room?”

“Of course, grab anything you can’t live without.” The pile he made would be culled again before we left the house, but it would be easier this way. I ensured his floor had been cleared of legos, figurines, and comics. While we were making the bed we heard screaming outside.

“Mom—“

“Carl, I need you to stay in the house. I need you to lock the door and don’t let anyone in unless it’s me, Shane or your Dad. No one, got it!” I told him as I ran to grab the shotgun.

“Mom… I’m scared.” Carl followed me and watched wide eyed as I lifted my shirt to reveal the gun I had in my belly holster. Not wanting to fumble with my shirt I tucked it under my gun. Two more magazines were stuck on the other side, just in case.

“I know, me too. But I will be less scared if I know that you’ll be safe.”

“I want to come with you.” He told me as we left the bedroom and I rushed toward the hall closet.

“First, I have to talk to your dad about that. Today, you stay here and lock the door… let’s grab your crossbow… just in case, ok?” I grabbed it off the top shelf and handed it to him with his quiver. He looked startled, but he took it from me and his face became resolved.

“Carl, if 20 minutes goes by and I’m not back, call your dad.”

“Wait.. but… mom…”

“I love you, I’ll be right back. If anyone comes here trying to get in, but they can’t talk and they won’t leave or respond to you. You have my permission to shoot them in the head.”

“What?!?” Carl exclaimed. “You mean the sick people?”

“They’re not sick, baby.” I said firmly. “They’re dead, they just need a little extra help laying down.”

I unbarricaded the door and walked out, the screaming still ringing in the otherwise quiet street. Carl locked the door, but I saw him move to the window to watch my progress. His crossbow gripped tightly in his hands. Looking at him, I almost turned back. He was my responsibility, but could I really leave someone screaming? Leave someone to possibly die while we hid, safe. What would that teach him? Maybe the right lesson, maybe I should be teaching him it’s every man for himself.

With that thought in mind, I headed down the street toward the screaming; I really hoped I didn’t screw this up.

Chapter Text

Walking quickly, I stuck to the middle of the road. If any cars were coming, I’d move. But this neighborhood had plenty of large bushes and places for zombies to lurk right off the sidewalk. So I’d rather have some open space all around me.

Rounding the corner, I saw a zombie trying to get into a screened in porch in front of someone’s house. Luckily, it was only one zombie, otherwise the screen probably wouldn’t have held out for so long. While no one noticed me, I placed the shotgun on the ground and pulled out my handgun.

“Hey! My name is Lori Grimes! Do you need help?”

“Yes! Yes! Help!” Came the frantic shout from inside the porch.

“Ok! Hey, lady, you need to peacefully leave in the other direction!” I shouted, even though I was fairly certain it was a zombie.

She paused for a second before beginning to turn around.

“I am going to assume you’re dead and I will shoot!” Don’t start your apocalypse journey by shooting a live person. That sets the wrong tone.

It was a zombie, whew. Also, woah. The zombie turned out to be an older lady who was probably perfectly lovely while alive. Now, she turned and stumbled toward me with the hopes of eating me to death.

Even after all my practice at the firing range, aiming at a moving, terrifying target proved to be very difficult. It wasn’t that I missed... It’s that I froze for a couple of seconds while she ran toward me. Then, I missed. She managed to make it three fourths of the way to me, before my second shot got her. It was a crappy shot and even after she went down I wasn’t sure if I just grazed her. Without taking my eyes off her, I leaned down to pick up the shotgun. No one tells you how awkward it is to carry a shotgun and a handgun, but it’s super awkward. I should holster the gun, but if I needed to shoot her again, I wanted to avoid blowing her head to smithereens. So, carrying both weapons out, I walked to her body and kicked her foot.

“Are you done?” I asked and nudged her again. Mental note, if people ask about this later, say nudged. She didn’t move, but the way she fell, I couldn’t see part of her face. Ok, so I’m a firm believer in, when in doubt, shoot it again. But, we weren’t quite in the full apocalypse environment and I had no idea if it would cause problems if I shot her again while she laid there.

Not wanting to stay out in the open any longer, I shouted to the people at the house. “Hey, you alright in there? Was she the only one!”

When they slowly came out, I could see it was a lady carrying a baby with two kids peeking out from behind her.

“You shot my mother-in-law.” The lady told me.

Well, what do I say to that? Sorry I ganked grandma in front of your kids? Now I feel like a crazy person standing in front of terrified kids holding two deadly weapons. Great.

“Ok, on that note, I’m gonna go.” I started to walk backwards a little, not ready to turn my back on undead grandma.

“No, wait! Umm Lori, right?”

“Yes…” I did give my full name out then appear to commit homicide in front of strangers.

“She… she… umm… we walked in the house and she was… she was attacking my father-in-law.” The lady hitched her baby closer and pulled her kids in front of her. Little girls, the oldest couldn’t have been more than six. “When the kids screamed, she came after us. We tried to get to the neighbors…” she pointed at the screened in porch house. “But… umm… the neighbor… he’s like that too.” She peered nervously behind her. “They’re infected, right?”

“Yes and no. They were infected. They died from the infection, but the disease… sort of… reanimated them. Look, it’s complicated but, they aren’t alive anymore, and they are infectious.”

“We should…” she hesitated and looked at the shotgun and gun in my hands. “We should check on my father in law.” She started to usher her kids toward the house next door.

“Wait!” She stopped and looked panicked. Great, she thinks I’m crazy. “If she attacked him, he’s infected.” She still didn’t look like she understood me. “He’ll be like her, he will attack you.”

“But…” I could see her trying to figure out what to do with the information.

“Look, it’s too dangerous to take your kids into that house. Why don’t you just get back into the car and go home?”

“We can’t just leave them…”

“Ok, I'm at 817 Windsor Drive.” I pointed. “I have to go back, my kid is waiting. When I get home I will call the police and notify them what happened and where you are. I would heavily suggest you stay in your car until they arrive. If you can’t, you can come to my house. But I have to go.” While I told her this, I walked backward a little ways, eyes darting all around me. We had made a lot of noise.

“Wait! What?”
“Stay in your car or come to my house! The police will come.” With that, I turned and started to jog back toward my house and Carl. I felt guilty leaving those kids, but unless I wanted to kidnap them, I couldn’t wait however long it would take while Carl was alone.

I could see Carl in the window, no zombies in sight, as I jogged up to the porch to our house. He opened the door before I was even on the porch.

“Mom! Are you ok? What was it? I heard gunshots!” Carl looked scared and I hated that I made him look that way.

“It’s ok, I’m ok, let’s get inside.” I tried to reassure him verbally, since I didn’t want to hug him while holding a shotgun and a handgun. “Come on, we need to get inside.”

He started to move back inside, but then he paused and pointed down the street. “Mom…”

The lady, clutching her baby, and her two little girls walked fearfully up the middle of the street towards our house.

“Carl, go get my phone, we need to call your dad or Shane.”

“But--”

“Carl--”

“I already called!” He blurted out before I could say anything else.

“Oh… ok… that was good thinking.”

“You’re not mad?” Asked a confused Carl.

“Why would I be mad?”

“Because you didn’t call when you heard the screaming.” Carl told me, still a little confused.

Why hadn't I called when I heard the screaming? Calling the police, especially when your husband is a police officer is the logical first step. Especially since we hadn’t descended into complete anarchy. “You’re right, I didn’t call. I should have called. I’m so proud of you for calling.”

“Really?”

“Really, really”

“Those are the people that were screaming. They had been trapped by the zombies and they needed help. I told them they could wait in their car or come here, but I needed to go back… I didn’t want you to be here alone.” By now, the small family were anxiously standing on the sidewalk in front of our house.

“My purse, it’s in my in-laws house... My keys...phone... we...uhh couldn’t get into the car and you said not to go back in the house. And I… uhh didn’t want the girls to keep staring…” The lady stammered her explanation.

“Ok, my son already called the police…” I turned to Carl, “Did you call Dad, Shane, or the station?”

“I called Dad… he said that he and Shane were on their way... “ Carl trailed off as we noticed two squad cars speeding toward the house, lights on, sirens silent.

Here comes the calvary. Rick jumped out of one of the squad cars, he was by himself, so he probably wasn’t supposed to be on active duty. Shane and a young male officer climb out of the second squad car.

“Lori! Carl? Are you ok?” Rick called out as he eyed the lady standing with her three kids. Rick hadn’t left in uniform, but he wore one now.

“We’re ok. This is the family that had been in trouble. Zombies trapped them in a screened in porch. I had to shoot one when she rushed me.” I explained as succinctly as possible.

Shane and the other officer quickly began to question the family about the events of the day. Rick came up the porch and immediately began to disarm me. I allowed him to take the shotgun, “You should check, but I didn’t chamber a round.” He took the shotgun and checked that it was clear before he placed it on a side table. Then he reached for my handgun but I pulled away, “Wait, I fired two rounds. There is a round in the chamber.” I pointed the gun away from everyone and cleared the round of the chamber before ejecting the magazine and reloading the round into the magazine. Once the magazine was back in the gun I hesitated. “By all accounts, there are at least two other zombies just down the street. Unless you think I need to give up my firearm, I would prefer to put it back in my holster.” I indicated the concealed holster at my side.

“Lori…” Rick hesitated, “I… what happened?”

“We heard screaming so I went to help. They were trapped in a screened in front porch, Rick. They walked into a horrible situation and they ran for help. Thank goodness the neighbors had a screened in porch. The neighbor had also died from the infection, so they had one trying to get them from the house and one trying to get them from the outside. If it was any longer or anymore of them, I don’t think the screens would have held much longer. She’s got a baby and two little girls, they wouldn’t have been able to run fast enough and she wouldn't have been able to carry them all. I didn’t even check them for infection. I would have done it next, since they are here, but you guys came, thankfully. I hated leaving Carl, but I shot the zombie and came back here as soon as possible. I know they have zombies that need to be put down, but I didn’t want to go in alone, and once the imminent danger was cleared I came back.”

“Jesus, Lori, why didn’t you call?”

“Honestly, I don’t know, I heard the screaming and maybe it's a mom thing, but that kind of screaming wasn’t an adult. You know what I mean?”

“Ok, ok, did you get checked out?”

“No, I was going to do it at the same time as the family.”

“Ok, well I think Shane and Leon are about done getting all their information from them. We’re going to need to go and clear those houses.”

“Yeah, that’s smart. Besides, she said her purse and keys and stuff were in the house.”

“Hey Shane, about ready to run an infection check?”

“Ready, should we do it in the house?”

“That’s probably best.”

“Come on,” Rick said as he grabbed the shotgun and ushered us inside.

Once inside I started to pull off my shirt immediately. “Woah, Lori, they’ll let me check you in the bedroom.”

“Nope, you don’t have a female officer present and Carl needs to learn that this is an important step.” I forgot to take off my boots first, so I had to bend over in my bra and jeans to unlace my boots. My boots were off and I was pulling down my pants when Shane, Leon, and the lady with her kids walked in. The young officer immediately turned red, mumbled some apologies, and looked away.

“Leon, Lori is the one who invented the infection check.” Shane said as he shook his head. “So you better do your job or we’ll let her chew you out.”

“Sorry ma’am,” he said as he turned back to face me, face still bright red.

“It’s fine, better safe than modest and dead.” I informed him as I lifted my arms and spun in a circle. Rick came over with gloves on to check my neck and head. Which wasn’t something I had told them to do, but they seemed to integrate standard search methods with the infection check. Once, he peeked at my butt, lifted my bra strap, and had me flash him, I was cleared.

The other lady stood there staring while it happened. But seemed reassured when I pulled my clothes back on. In bare feet, but otherwise clothed, she allowed me to take the baby while she disrobed. When she had been cleared without infection, no one let out a greater sigh of relief than me. They checked the baby next, he turned out to be fine. The two little girls also proved to be infection free.

“Alright, Ms. Parker, if you don’t mind, we would like for you to stay here while we go and check the scene and ensure the house is clear.” Shane informed her once the oldest little girl, Blaire, pulled her shorts back on. Ms. Parker looked toward me for permission and relaxed a little when I smiled.

The three officers moved toward the front door. A small conference took place between them.

“Officer Bassett is going to stay here with you to ensure your continued safety.” Rick informed us, and I knew that he wasn’t supposed to be going out in the field like this, but I remembered that he hadn’t thought very highly of Shane’s temporary partner. So I just nodded as Rick and Shane headed out the door.

While we waited, I made some ham and turkey sandwiches for everyone and gave baby Spencer a banana to gum on. Apparently a lack of food had forced the Parker family to head toward their in-laws. Amanda called them last night to discuss their situation and her father-in-law informed her that his wife was sick, but that they were welcome to come over and share what they had. Her husband, a long haul trucker, wasn’t due back from the road for another week.

Forty five minutes later, Rick and Shane returned to the house.

“Good shot, Lori!” Shane exclaimed once they came inside. Rick and Shane began to immediately strip down in the living room much to the shock of Amanda. “Everyone gets the infection check after they go out, no exceptions.” Shane cheerfully informed her as he dropped trou.

Rick looked slightly more aware of the lack of decorum, but he swiftly disrobed. Hands over their privates, Officer Bassett checked them both, before they pulled up their pants and he checked their arms.

Shane kept up the conversation while they ran a check, “You were right, the lady had passed away from the infection, probably some time in the night. It was lucky you didn’t go back into the house, her husband had been killed but he began to rise again while we were in the house. We ensured that he is now resting peacefully, like his wife. The neighbor also seemed to have suffered from an attack and passed away sometime yesterday. He is also resting peacefully now. Unfortunately, the morgue and the funeral homes are very busy and very full. It may take them up to a day to be able to collect the bodies, but they have been notified.”

Rick took over the explanations, “You have several options, we can move the bodies to a discreet location and you can stay in the house, but due to the amount of infected blood present, the kitchen and the master bedroom aren’t readily usable. We were able to retrieve your purse and we can go with you to the house to collect anything else you may have left, and you can go back home. You could check into a local hotel, or... “ Rick looked over at me meaningfully.

“Or you could stay with us.” I finished for him, I gave him a big smile for lobbing the ball in my court. “We’ve consolidated everyone in our family to the master bedroom. So we have space.”

“If you really don’t mind us staying…” Amanda began, clearly a little unsure about staying with strangers. “I could get our car and the girls things, maybe some of the food from my in-laws, so we aren’t such a burden.”

“You won’t be a burden. We can get some things and we should definitely take the food. Waste not, want not.” I shrugged. My plans included feeding dozens of strangers anyway, four more were welcome.

Amanda said that they had left everything they packed in the car, and other than the food, she didn’t need anything from the house. Unwilling to leave the children, I pulled Shane and Rick aside to hand them a bundle of reusable grocery bags and the instructions to take all the food in the pantry, fridge, and freezer. Telling them about Amanda being unable to get food at the grocery store reassured them it was important to do.

All three of the officers left this time to help get everything as quickly as possible. They returned about ten minutes later with shockingly few bags but they needed to rush off to another call.

By the time Shane and Rick returned for the night, Amanda had gone to sleep for the night in Carl's room on an air mattress, baby Spencer slept in his pack ‘n play, while Emma and Blaire shared Carl’s bed.

Carl slept in our room. Gloves ready, I performed infection checks on Rick and Shane while we chatted in the kitchen. Apparently, they had discovered several infected people from hidden bites or scratches including two men in their own lock up when performing infection checks. Now the whole precinct were believers. They called the National Guard station, which just set up outside the hospital, and delivered all their infected individuals to them.

That night, Shane and Rick pushed me to the middle of the bed. Even though I refused to dwell on today’s events, I appreciated their presence.

All of a sudden, I sat up in bed, and I realized how utterly selfish I behaved. It’s true that before all this started I couldn’t spout off about zombies or the apocalypse, but I should have tried. I could have called people anonymously. My only defense had been thinking of the actual known actions of Lori and how to improve them. People Lori never met hadn’t factored into any of my planning. So incredibly selfish. For some reason, I kept assuming that everything had to start with the quarry. Clearly, I should have figured out when Rick woke up that I had the power to change things.

Creeping out of the room, I headed to the couch, opened my laptop, and started googling and hoping I wasn’t too late. I had a lot of phone calls to make.

“Hi, is this Michonne…I know it's the middle of the night, it’s important... you don’t know me, and you have no reason to believe me. But your son’s in danger—“

“Of course it’s not a threat, just listen. Mike and his friend Terry will be supposed to watch Andre, but they’ll get high and the infected people will attack and kill them and your son.”

“No, no, no, this isn’t some high and mighty anti drug, judging your life shit. You can think I’m insane or whatever, but… I don’t know how to save anyone else. Get your katana, destroy the brain, don’t let them bite or scratch you. Get out of Atlanta, and don’t leave your son with Mike.”

“Ummm… Head to the quarry, outside the city… if you want. We will be there in a few days, it’ll be safe for a little bit.”

“...my name… Lori.”

“Hello, can I speak to Annette…”

“Hi, is this Glenn?”

“May I speak to Dr. Jenner?”

“Hello, is this Morgan?”

Unfortunately, so many of the people didn’t use last names. Heck, I didn't know Michonne’s. I relied on googling her name, her son, fiancé, and Atlanta and found her name through her wedding information webpage on The Knot. I tried to find a phone number for the Dixon’s but the one number listed came up disconnected.

Finally, I realized I had another place to call.

“Hi, Dr. Bradley, it’s Lori Grimes… no, Rick’s fine, but I need to tell you something.”

When I finally hung up the phone, Rick and Shane stepped into the room. “Lori, I think you need to tell us what the hell is going on.”

Chapter Text

Oh, shit! How much had they heard? What do I tell them? Where is a zombie when you need one to nope the hell out of a conversation? Rick stalked out of the hallway, Shane followed him into the dim light of my glowing laptop screen.

“Okay,” I exhale as they stand in front of me. Oh great, full officer mode from Rick.

Shane followed, but after getting a good look at me, he sat down on the coffee table. “You can tell us, you started an affair with Rick’s doctor? I know he’s in his late 60’s but he’s a good looking man and you were feeling vulnerable.”

Rick turned to give Shane a dirty look, but it did break the tension when Rick shook his head and toned down the Officer vibe.

“Lori, I know things have been difficult for you… after I… after I was injured. I haven’t been saying anything because…”

“Because we kept stopping you.” Shane interjected.

“Yes, because Shane… and Carl… have been telling me to give you some time.”

“What do you mean?”

“The gun Lori!” Rick exploded, shooting back up to his feet. He began to pace back and forth in front of me, running his hand through his hair. “We’re cops. I’m a deputy, you think I can’t tell when someone is carrying concealed? The only time you take it off is to go to sleep. You shot someone today!”

“I didn’t… ok, it was a person, but she wasn’t alive. It’s… it’s not like I…” I blew out a breath and continued, my voice barely above a whisper. “It’s not like I killed someone.”

Shane reached over and pulled my hands into his lap. “No, you didn’t kill someone. You saved four people. Four people, including a baby, they’re alive because of you.” Shane paused and stared at Rick as he continued. “We’ve just been worried.”

“What’d’ya mean?” I asked. I really thought they didn’t know about the gun. “Why…”

“Jesus, Lori, after Rick got shot. It’s like you checked out for about a week. You went to the hospital as little as possible. You didn’t bring Carl to see Rick. Absolutely refused, you said it wouldn’t be good for him to see his dad like… like that. But then it seemed like you snapped out of it. You started to go to the hospital, you brought Carl but you showed up with a gun… I get it. Rick getting shot shook you up. When Carl asked me if the guys who shot Rick were going to come back and get the two of you… Lor… I didn’t realize just how scared you’d been. But when Carl started to talk about how you were going to protect them now. I… shit Lori, I…” Shane shrugged his shoulders and looked around the room.

“What?” I asked, “Shane, what—“

Rick stepped in and sat down next to Shane, he peered at my face. Studying my reactions. “Shane told me he would cruise by the house, make sure you guys were alright. He said, you would close all the blinds, seal up the house every night like you were afraid. Shane even spent a few nights sleeping in his car out front, because Carl thought—“

“Because I scared Carl.” The realization felt like a punch to the gut. “Shit, that’s not… I didn’t want him to feel that way.”

“Hey, hey, Lori. Look it’s... no one is blaming you.” Shane said with a firm unsubtle nudge to Rick’s shoulder.

“No, Lori, I… no one is blaming you.” Rick rubbed his face, his shoulders slumped and he looked to Shane.

“But Carl—“

“No!” Shane cut me off emphatically. A little too loudly so we all held our breaths and looked around for a second. Once we realized no one had woken up, Shane started again. “Carl is fine, better than fine. He thinks you’re like some badass undercover cop or vigilante or something. Once I told him that those men weren’t going to come after you guys, he just thought you were taking charge or something. He thinks you’re all preparing to be some kind of kickass family like in his comics. He thinks he’s going to be like Hawkeye or the Green Arrow or Merida. You kept his spirits up, you kept telling us that Rick was absolutely going to wake up. He needed that, I needed that… even though you were… affected, you were… you rallied, it made you stronger.”

My relief at hearing that I hadn’t screwed up too badly with Carl brought tears to my eyes.

“I’m worried… we’re worried about how par—“ Rick cut himself off. “How cautious you’ve become. But you’re not angry anymore. You’ve been really supportive… I just want to support you too.”

“Oh,” I sat back to digest what they just told me. Damn, OL (original Lori) had been unhappier than I could have imagined. Well, it made sense. She seemed to hold any heroics or act of duty to others as a slight against her. Rick recounting the argument before the coma, ‘I don’t think you care about us.’ That’s what she told him. Maybe it was all because she hated him being a cop. Hated the hours, the danger, the uncertainty.

Looking toward Rick, he looked a little wrecked. A little devastated.

“I’m sorry,” I said to Rick. Not even sure what I apologized for. Sorry for being so different from his wife, sorry for making them worry, sorry they all lived in such a toxic environment, just sorry for seeing him look so sad.

“You don’t… you don’t have to be sorry. I didn’t realize… I guess I didn’t want to realize. All this time, I… Carl’s been telling me not to change things back. Not to make you mad again.” Rick looked like he wanted to cry when he talked about Carl. “He said he doesn’t mind having to watch out for the bad guys together if that means we can all be happy together too. Is that why you didn’t call me? You didn’t want me to rush into danger? Did you want me to feel as scared as you felt?”

“God, no, Rick!” I immediately interrupted, but he continued.

“Because I… I’ve never felt so fucking scared… so fucking helpless. What if something happened to you? I kept thinking, ‘What about Carl? What about…’ Is that what you’ve been feeling everytime…” Rick collapsed in front of me, his head buried in his arms.

I reached for him and tried to hug him. He resisted for only a moment before leaning into my legs. He laid his head on my lap for a few moments before he rocked back to look at me.

“Rick, I wasn’t trying to punish you, or hurt you. I heard the screaming. Little kid screaming, ya know?” They both nodded, watching me try to explain things. “Of course I thought of Carl, of course I was worried about everything, but how could I have ignored that? How could I let Carl see me ignore that? I should have called you myself, Carl should know to always get backup, to be smart about things.”

“Things like the infection check?” Shane murmured.

“Yes,” I agreed. “Things like the infection check.”

“And things like the military stationed outside the hospital?” Rick asked.

“I mean, I haven’t said anything to Carl about that yet.” I told them with a shrug and a smile.

“That’s not what I mean,” Rick stated. “Lori, where are you getting this information? Why call Dr. Bradley in the middle of the night trying to convince him the Army being there is a bad thing?”

“I got the info from you, you and Shane.” I said to their surprise.

“We didn’t tell you that the Army is a danger to the hospital and their patients.” Rick was saying, “If they--”

Shane cut in, “The people we brought them, they killed them?” It seemed like he put all the pieces together.

“Yes…,” I said. “Honestly, I’m a little surprised they didn’t kill you.”

“What do you mean? They wouldn’t--” Rick protested.

“I don’t know, Rick… you weren’t there… it was… tense.”

“They… We…” Rick shook his head, “on the phone, they asked us how we discovered them… seemed shocked to hear about our new search procedures.”

“They asked about our exposure to the infected individuals,” said Shane. “They asked Leon if we had ‘prolonged exposure to infected individuals.’” Shane said with finger quotes. “I was happy to have them take them, you know-- the infected people, off our hands but things were tense and the questions were getting to me. So I told Leon to get a move on because we had another call from dispatch and they expected us there 10 minutes ago.”

“Why didn’t you say something?” Rick turned to Shane.

Shane shrugged, “We’re all on edge, the whole situation is beyond messed up. I mean, come on, zombies?”

“So what do we do now?” Rick asked. “What is Dr. Bradley doing? Do you really think the hospital patients and staff are in danger?”

“Dr. Bradley is going to the hospital, they are going to try to discharge who they can.” I told them. “Look, I don’t know what exactly is going to happen, but my gut says it’s not good.”

“It seems like Dr.Bradley and I agree with her gut.” Shane rubbed his hand over his face and stood up. “Jesus, I feel like I should have put it together sooner.”

“Yeah, alright.” Rick kept nodding to himself. “Well, next time you figure something out in the middle of the night, wake us up.”

“Can do.”

“So does this mean we’re headed to the hospital?” Shane asked Rick.

“Seems like they may need some help,” Rick said.

“It’s not even dawn yet.” I said, they must have only slept for two or three hours. “Why don’t you try to catch an hour or two of sleep and then go?”

“Can’t,” Rick said. “Got to call the station, probably go in person. Don’t want anyone going over there with a van full of infected only to get shot for their trouble.”

“Fine,” I said. “But I’m making breakfast and coffee. You said it yourselves, if you don’t eat here, there isn’t anywhere with food once you leave.”

They started to walk away to prepare for the new shitstorm I handed to them. Then Rick turned around, “Look, I know that you’ve been worried. And you’ve had a lot of great ideas Lori, really you’ve done a lot. But, maybe… maybe you can wait to call everyone you’ve ever met to save them from this infection during the day. Either that or use the phone tree. I don’t like the idea of you feeling like you have to worry about everything, solve everything by yourself. We still got stuff we need to talk about, but…”

“But you guys got to go and be Big Damn Heroes.” I said with a smile, Firefly had been one of the shows we’d binged in the hospital.

“Ain’t we just,” Shane responded with a laugh as he pushed Rick back toward the bedroom to get cleaned up. I could hear the sound of them talking, but I didn’t make out the words. It seemed as though Rick, Shane, and Carl had been doing a better job discussing and rationalizing away my changes than I could have done for them. I felt bad I’d been making Carl scared or anxious for our safety. But hopefully we could prepare him to survive without destroying his light.

Rick had made a good point though, I better call the PTA or a phone tree to start warning the people in this community.

After sending Rick and Shane off to the station with thermoses of coffee and enough breakfast burritos to share at the station. I had a few hours to kill before I could start calling contacts from the school and the actual phone tree paper Rick pointedly left on the kitchen table. Apparently, the officer’s wives had a phone tree. Which explained how they had organized the support we’d received when Rick had been shot.

While I waited for a decent time to start calling people, I looked through some boxes with Carl’s old stuff for our houseguests. Even though everything came in “boy” colors and patterns, there were a few jackets, hats, gloves, and even some shoes tucked away that seemed worth packing. Among the things were some baby clothes, swaddles, blankets, and baby towels. I pulled out a bunch of things I thought they’d need, but in the end decided to leave the boxes in the living room for them to look through.

Mostly, I tried to avoid thinking about how I changed everything so much already in ways I hadn’t planned on. When I started to panic at the thought of them at the hospital, I forced myself to inventory the bags of food from yesterday and start a batch of homemade cinnamon rolls.

Waiting until nine o’clock proved too difficult, my first call to the top of the police ‘wives’ phone tree went through at 8:31 am. It wasn’t Sheriff Cobb’s wife, unless she had a different last name, so when I asked for Julia Gwinnett, I hoped her and Lori weren’t overly familiar.

“Hello, Julia?” I said, “it’s Lori Grimes.”

“Oh, Lori, darling,” a mature southern female voice gushed over the line. “We have been so overjoyed that Rick woke up. We’ve been meaning to coordinate a welcome back bbq, but this awful business has been… well it’s been…hard on everyone.” She signed deeply before continuing. “I heard you lost an officer, Linden County lost two last I heard, Merriweather and Cowetta lost five in total.” She solemnly relayed the news over the phone.

Before I had the chance to respond to the news, she continued on in a much more upbeat tone. “Tom told me that your precinct came up with the new infection check procedure, it’s been a real lifesaver. Oh yes, that’s what Tom said, a real lifesaver! They had a few grumbles at first, you know how it is. But once they found a couple of folks that’d been bitten and not said anything… Well, you can imagine it’s been the S.O.P. like King’s County.”

“Oh, that’s such good news.” I jumped in quickly while she took a breath.

Julia continued, “ He said Rick called about it, a mite early for him to be back on duty, but I suppose that’s how the Good Lord made ‘em. Can’t sit idle while duty calls. I hope they’re still keeping him on desk duty…” She trailed off.

“Yes, well he went to help standardize the infection check and to help on desk duty, but… well things are rough out there and they need the help.”

Julia tutted over the line, “Back in uniform a week out of the hospital after getting shot! And going active! It’s a wonder what they’re thinking.” Julia proceeded to inundate me with the gossip of what felt like at least 5 counties of police departments. Spreading the word would be easier than I anticipated with Julia Gwinnett heading the phone tree list.

“Ok, so like the Infection check, we got a few more tips and information we need passed along.” Letting her know I needed to activate the phone tree. “I’m sure someone will try to pass it along at the station, but, sometimes—“

“Sometimes we need to do our part too, am I right honey? It’s times like this they need support more than ever. We’re all doing our part.” Her steely tone and determination made me hopeful.

“Exactly, so first of all, we need to tell all the families to do their own infection checks. Second, the infected, once they died the first time. They are dead, but infection does something to make the body move. In order to make them stay down, you’ve got to damage the brain. It’s got to be a bullet or a very hard blow to the skull. It’s not murder, it’s mercy. Third, if shit hits the fan and we’ve got to evacuate or flee, we’re meeting at the quarry outside Atlanta. We don’t know if some other refugee area will do proper infection checks, so we aren’t risking it. That’s where the King’s County sheriff’s department will be evacuating too. Lastly, we’ve been a little concerned about the government…”

“Because if Kings County figured all this out, why weren’t they all told when it first came out?” Julia asked the question that had to be lurking in the back of the minds of so many emergency service providers. “Why haven’t they been the ones informing the police about the infection checks and what to do with the infected civilians?”

“Exactly,” I agreed, “so we’re being careful around the Army National Guard group stationed next to the hospital.”

“Alright, well, I’ll start making some calls. Hopefully things start looking up and we can plan that BBQ. We’re real happy Rick’s home, Lori.”

“Me too, Julia,” I said. “Thank you for everything before, and thank you for this. Stay safe.”

“You too, hun.”

Hanging up the phone, I turned to smile at Amanda hovering in the doorway.

“Good morning,” I said, “Ready for breakfast?”

Once we fed the kids breakfast and had our coffee, we both pulled out our phones to make as many calls as possible. The kids in front of the television, we spent the morning trying to keep an eye out on everything while still making as many calls as possible. We didn’t say anything about the majority of calls that were never answered or returned. No one liked picking up the phone, so hopefully they checked their voicemail. A couple people called after they read my text message blasts, but not enough.

When I finished calling every contact in the phone, I joined Carl on the couch to watch Dora and boots quest to find a mountain.

“Thanks for keeping an eye on the kids,” I said quietly to Carl.

“Well, you rescued them yesterday.” Carl said, grinning. “So it’s our responsibility.”

“We rescued them, it was a team effort.”

Carl didn’t say anything for a minute. “I didn’t help, I stayed here, like a baby.”

“No,” I said firmly, turning to face him. “You called for backup, kept watch on the house, and watched my back.”

“But I didn’t do anything.”

“Carl, you did a lot. Getting the police helped Amanda and the kids. It helped them feel safe and it allowed us to have backup there for infection checks to make sure no one was hurt. Checking to make sure no one is infected is one of the most important parts.” I said as I reached out to hold his hand. “In order for us to continue to work so well as a family, a team, it means being able to count on everyone to do their job safely. Being the lookout can save as many lives as being the point person with the gun. Many times, it’ll save more lives.”

“I trust you,” I said. “Thank you for keeping an eye on me yesterday and thank you for keeping an eye on them today.”

“You’re welcome,” he murmured as he hugged into my side. “Thank you for saving them. It was badass!”

“Carl!” I exclaimed, but I knew I sounded more amused than outraged.

“Sorry mom,” he sang the words, clearly learned by rote in the last 10 years.

I laughed and snuggled him close before leaning in to whisper, “It was kind of badass, scary, but badass, for both of us.”

“But I—“

“Called for backup while watching my back with your own weapon.” I reiterated to him. “Which is—“

“...is not a toy.” Carl finished for me. “I know, Mom. I’m careful.”

“I know,” I told him, sincerely. “I’ve watched you. It’s why I trusted you. I never want to have to do that again, but I want you to know that I’m proud of you.”

Carl beamed and burrowed into my side. “Thanks, mom.” He whispered.

Chapter Text

After lunch, I convinced Amanda it wasn’t weird to be going through Carl’s old clothes and things to find stuff for the girls and her baby.

“Do you think your…” Amanda paused and hummed for a moment, but we were both sorting through boxes, so she probably just found something good. “…. Umm…. husband will help me go through Matt’s parents house? I’m pretty sure his dad had some hunting stuff…”

“Oh yeah,” I answered. I’d been wanting to get over there and check out both houses for usable supplies. The lists and pressure to gather necessities all but overwhelmed me at times.

But we couldn’t go without ample support and coverage. Moving another few boxes over, I continued to plan and answer while sorting. “They had to leave earlier today because of an emergency but they should be able to go tomorrow morning.”

“They….?” Amanda drew out the word as a question.

“Oh yeah, Rick and Shane,” I supplied. Not surprised she forgot their names, I’m terrible at names and yesterday was a little crazy.

“Oh...ok…” she stuttered. “I uh didn’t really… Umm.”

Turning around to face her, she looked a little flustered and embarrassed.

“Oh Amanda, it’s no big deal,” smiling, I attempted to wave away her embarrassment. “It happens to me all the time.”

She laughed and looked down blushing, “Well, I wouldn’t say that. Not after the infection check.”

We both laughed, I guess it is awkward to have seen your hosts naked and forgotten their names. The rest of the early afternoon was filled with laundry, packing, and keeping the kids entertained inside the house.

It was late afternoon when I heard the car doors shutting in front of the house. Moving over to the window to check, I saw that it was Rick and Shane coming up to the house with two kids carrying an assortment of backpacks and the tell tale foster kid trash bags full of clothes.

“Carl,” I said, interrupting the movie playing on the TV, but when I turned to look at him, Carl was already on his way toward me holding the house phone. “Oh, no, we don’t need to call anyone. But it looks like it’ll get crowded in a minute. Can you take the girls into the kitchen for a snack?”

Carl saw the approaching group and said, “Sure, Mom. Cinnamon rolls?” He asked hopefully for another sugar hit.

“Split one if Amanda says it’s ok, but eat some grapes too.”

Amanda chimed in, “You can each have a quarter.” Seeing who was on the porch she smiled. “I can oversee the snack, unless you need me here?”

“No, that would be great.” I told her as I pulled up the large security door stopper that prevented the door from opening even when it was unlocked.

Rick, Shane, and the kids trooped into the house.

“Hey Lori, we meant to call…” Rick started, looking a little sheepish.

“No worries, should we do infection checks first?” I asked, a little uncertain about the idea of having other people’s kids to undress without their parents. Especially since they looked a little worse for wear.

“Normally, yes, but we did infection checks down at the station and then came right here.” Rick told me, and I could tell he was also feeling bad for these kids.

“Ok, so I’m guessing you guys will be staying with us?” I asked with a smile.

“Once they had your breakfast burritos they refused to go with anyone else.” Shane joked, but he had a curly blonde toddler girl with a dirty shirt on his hip and his arm around a teenage boy carrying a well worn red backpack and two garbage bags of clothes.

“We’ll need to go back in a bit,” Rick informed me quietly. “We just wanted to get them out of the station. It can get a little crazy.”

“Ok,” I smiled. “So introductions over lunch and if the kids haven’t eaten them all, we should have enough cinnamon rolls for everyone.” I led the group into the kitchen where Amanda helped me make enough sandwiches for everyone and wash the rest of the grapes for the group.

I threw a frozen 6 pound Costco lasagna in the oven to cook for the guys to take back to the station.

Rick pulled a couple of extra folding chairs out, but Amanda’s girls migrated back toward the living room and Amanda followed to keep an eye on them.

Shane sat at the table with an adorable tot on his lap and proceeded to feed her bits of sandwich and cut up grapes.

“This little munchkin is Clara, she’s two and part octopus.” Shane introduced the little girl, smiling as she stuck some of her half chewed sandwich piece into his mouth.

“So gross, I’m Noah.” The teen introduced himself.

Once everyone ate their lunches, I passed out cinnamon rolls and small cups of milk.

“So, did I pass muster?” I asked the group who copied Shane when he completely ignored the fork and knife and proceeded to eat it with one hand. He had frosting and cinnamon oozing through his fingers and down his wrist and frosting on his nose and around his mouth. It would have been disgusting if he didn’t look up and give a ridiculous boyish frosting grin.

“So good,” Shane mumbled through the cinnamon roll.

“Yeah, Lor, this is delicious. Where did you get them?” Rick asked.

“I made them this morning,” I answered with a shrug.

“You MADE these?!?” Rick exclaimed.

“Yes, you don’t need to sound so incredulous.”

“I’m not, I’m not!” Rick proclaimed laughing.

“You went to work, I made cinnamon rolls.” I turned to Carl, “I’m not saying you have to pick a favorite parent, but they went off to save lives” I said like their jobs were no big deal, “but I made cinnamon rolls.”

“Mom,” Carl announced with a full mouth and shrugged apologetically at the guys.

“That’s bribery!” Rick accused playfully while finishing up the last of his cinnamon roll.

“Uh oh, looks like we’re going to have to arrest you,” Shane said grinning and handing Carl the toddler on his lap.

“It’s for everyone’s safety,” Rick said with a nod, standing up.

“No way, you’re covered in frosting,” I said as I backed out of my chair attempting to keep an eye on both of them.

Shane moved and I darted toward the doorway laughing as the guys pursued me with their sticky frosting fingers until they trapped me by the counter and they both taunted me with their sticky fingers getting closer to me as I tried to keep them away, with one hand on each chest.

“Don’t you dare!” I said, but I was laughing so hard I doubted they took me seriously. But they had longer reaches than me, so if they really wanted to, my arms weren’t stopping them.

Especially since they kept getting closer until they pinned me to the counter, one on each hip.

Shane stuck one of his fingers in his mouth and sucked off the frosting from his finger.

“Mmmm” Shane moaned and melted a little bit more into us. “So good.”

Rick shifted closer in and I could feel his interest and see his laser focus on Shane’s finger, Shane’s mouth.

“Parents are gross,” Carl commented from across the room.

“Dude,” Noah softly reprimanded Carl in that way that guys use one word to mean a million things.

“You guys can clean up, I’ve got this,” I said as I smiled and shoved them toward the hall.

“Thanks, Carl,” I said sarcastically.

“What?” He squawked.

“Nothing, let’s make sure the house is secure and show Noah and Clara around,” I informed him, shaking my head with a smile.

“Come here sweetheart,” I said as I scooped up Shane’s addition to our household. We’d have to see what we could get together for them from our house. And prioritize getting them stuff when scavenging.

Shane might not have fully processed it, but this was an apocalypse adoption. There wouldn’t be a social worker or another foster family. Most likely, she was definitely ours for good. Noah was older, who knows if he wanted to stick around. Either way, they were with us now.

Carl tried to be cool as he excitedly showed Noah around and offered to share comic books and video games. He also was very mature, sounding exactly like Shane when he discussed our weapon safety rules. The infection check, and the importance of backup and working as a team.

I tried not to coo at him as he pointed out his crossbow but explained all the parental rules about touching it.

When we got to the laundry room, I informed Noah I was going to do all the laundry today so he could leave it. Or sort out anything he didn’t want me digging through. We put him in the guest room for now.

Rick and Shane cleaned up in the master bedroom, and came out for the tail end of the tour.

“Since you’re both in uniform, I’m guessing you’re headed back out,” I deduced.

“Yeah, are you going to be ok?” Rick asked gently and a little nervously.

“We’ll be fine. We have tons to do. Also Amanda was hoping that we could get into her in-laws place and finish getting everything they need from it. Can we do that today?” I asked them.

“Definitely, we’ll make sure of it,” Shane answered with an easy smile.

We all walked back to the master bedroom, waving the kids off to the living room and the tv.

“Their foster parents dropped them off at the station. Said ‘they ain’t got paid and they don’t have any food to feed two extra mouths.’” Rick mimicked angrily.

“I’m just glad they dropped them off rather than booted them out,” Shane said and slung an arm over Rick to calm him down.

“Yeah…” Rick accepted.

“Clara just turned two, and Noah will be seventeen this summer,” Rick informed me.

“I’m glad you brought them here, we’ll make it work,” I reassured Rick as Shane nodded.

“Who knows how long we’ll have them. Lor, it’s ugly out there and the last thing the—“

“I get it,” I cut him off. “You and Shane adopted two kids. We’ve got a daughter, at the very least. Noah may or may not stick around. But we got three kids now. Mazel tov!” I threw my arms up in the air with a gentle smile.

“It’s not completely legal or formal—“ Rick started like I thought he actually filled out paperwork.

Shane cut in this time, “Rick, man, she knows. But we know they’ll be with us for a while. Possibly for good…” Shane said and looked at me to gauge if that was right, when I nodded, he continued. “Just think, it’s something good to come out of this shit show.”

“We aren’t leaving kids to fend for themselves,” I commanded, “even if that means taking in 20 of them.”

Rick nodded, reassured and relieved he wasn’t getting resistance from the decision to bring them home.

I gave Rick a hug and we ended up in another three person hug huddle when I refused to let Shane pull away. His arm trapped on Rick, and we both tugged Shane in.

“You aren’t getting out of it, the first middle of the night nightmare is yours,” Rick teased Shane.

“Yup, that’s parenthood, never sleeping again. Congratulations Daddy,” I seconded to Shane’s slightly startled, slightly pleased face.

“Yeah, uh” Shane cleared his throat and continued in a moment, “sounds good.”

Just to illustrate our point, we heard Carl calling out, “Daaaaad!” In a whiny tone that indicated this was not an emergency.

“Ok boys, you handle that. I’m on laundry duty.” I chuckled.

“Yes, ma’am,” they teased and headed toward the living room.

“Oh, can we get some grub to take back? Some of the bachelors don’t have anything,” Shane asked over his shoulder.

They just had to wait another 15 minutes before they could take the tray of lasagna to the station.

It was our last semi-normal day, well the last day living in the old world.