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The slow, rhythmic beeping of the hospital machines was going to drive Gladio to madness. The fluorescent light right above seemed to flicker on every twentieth beep as if they were in cahoots with the machines to make him feel like he was trapped in an endless cycle. A cycle of nothing but hoping, waiting. Every day he would arrive at nine a.m. and stay until ten. Then he would go to work and come back to the same hospital bed. The same beeping machines, the same slightly off-white walls, and the same flickering light. The same chair pulled up next to the bed with the same book he’d just decided to leave on the table since it was a private room. He would stay until seven p.m. when visiting hours ended and he had to leave, the nurses had already threatened to ban him if he stayed. The man would go home, force himself to sleep, only to repeat the same day all over again.
What made the purgatory even worse was the fact that it meant there was no improvement. When everything had started, those first few weeks of panic and worry, the doctor had taken him aside. The man was young but he seemed sharp, a good head on his shoulders. He’d looked Gladio in the eye and told him that there was a chance that his best friend would never wake up. Ever since then the seed in his mind kept growing. What if he didn’t wake up?
After 28 days in the hospital without any improvement, Gladio was starting to lose hope. It had been almost a month of nothing. Everyone kept telling him that this cycle was unsustainable. He was spending too much time sitting next to a hospital bed just praying. The accident had been severe, it was a miracle any of them survived, maybe it was time to let Ignis go. He knew that he had to keep fighting, though, because there was no one else to fight for him.
Just like every day before he arrived when visiting hours started and slowly trudged up to room 302. Normally the door was closed. Gladio was one of the only people who came to visit and the doctors and nurses closed it on their way out. But today it was open.
“Anyone he…” The man poked his head into the room and started to speak only for his voice to leave him. The door was open because there was a nurse standing by the bed, talking. She was talking to Ignis. The off-white blankets were wrinkled from movement and the head of the bed had been adjusted to let his best friend sit up. He still looked as pale as a ghost, white bandages around his head blending into his skin. But he was sitting up. He was awake.
“Ignis!”
“Please, inside voice.” He rushed in and the nurse shushed him almost immediately. He gave her a small, apologetic nod, as he came over to the side of the bed. It felt like his heart was in his throat, ready to burst out. But as he reached his creaky metal chair he noticed that something was wrong.
“Excuse me?” The nurse spoke with a soft but commanding voice, larger than her petite figure seemed like it would allow. “Are you family? If not I’m going to ask for you to step out for a moment.” Gladio opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to form words. No, he wasn’t technically family. But at the same time, he was pretty sure there was no family to be here. He looked to Ignis to bail him out, to explain, but the other was looking between him and the nurse, his face almost completely blank.
“Sir, you can visit in a moment just please, step outside for now.” She placed a well-manicured hand on his shoulder and pulled, just enough force to show that she was entirely serious. So he stood as asked, his eyes never leaving Ignis’s. Why wasn’t he looking at them, why wasn’t he saying anything? The doctor’s warning rang in his head like a loud, looming warning. His head trauma was severe, there was always a chance of permanent brain damage. He’d been so busy worrying if Ignis would ever open his eyes, he hadn’t even taken that into account. Gladio slowly let the woman usher him out before closing the door between them.
There were rows of attached plastic chairs outside the room so he picked one to sit down in, watching the door anxiously. On the one hand, he was delighted, Ignis was awake and moving. Which meant that he wasn’t dead. But on the other hand, there had been no light in his eyes. No joy on seeing his friend, there had just been nothing. He hadn’t spoken or even really reacted at all. It wasn’t that unusual for the other man’s reactions to be calm but this was an entirely different level.
It seemed like an eternity that he was just sitting there, his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. But finally, the door opened again and the nurse stepped out, closing it behind her. She motioned for him to come over and he did, forcing himself to look composed and calm instead of leaping over as he wanted to.
“Who are you? A friend or…?”
“I’m his boyfriend, Gladio Amicitia. Can you tell me what’s going on?” He watched her sigh, tapping her lip with her finger.
“As you can tell, Mr. Scientia has woken up. That is good. The bad news is that it seems that his brain damage is worse than we were hoping.” Gladio forced himself not to look as crestfallen as he felt. “Most of his vitals are pretty good so I’m not that worried about his body.”
“I can hear a ‘but’ coming. Just tell me, how bad is it?”
“Well, the doctor will have to confirm when I go get him, but I think that he’s completely blind. And he doesn’t seem to have any memory.” Gladio felt his stomach drop to the floor. Blind? Ignis was a culinary student, he couldn't be blind. He needed to be able to see to do what he spent his entire life training to do.
“Any memory of what? The accident?”
“Of...anything.” Before he could panic she held up her hand, indicating she wasn’t done. “Now, that may come back in time. But as of right now he didn’t seem to know anything about himself. Since you two are clearly close, focus on that. On strong memories, events in his life. That may help bring it back.” Gladio felt completely lost for words. No wonder the other hadn’t reacted to him, he hadn’t seen him. And even though he heard his voice, it meant nothing to him. But maybe it was temporary. Ignis had always had a good memory, they just had to jog it.
“Just take it easy with him. He will likely be tired and easily overwhelmed. Do you know any family I can call? He only had you listed on his emergency contacts.” She looked up from the clipboard she was holding.
“None. At least, none that I’ve ever heard of. I know his parents died a while ago. I’ll see if I can find anyone.” She nodded and slowly left, leaving him in an empty hallway. He wanted to run through the door, to hold Ignis’s hand, to tell him it is alright. But would that help? Would the reassurances of a stranger mean anything? He had to say something. Slowly he walked towards the door, sliding it open slowly. Green eyes looked up, following the sound but it was clear that there was no note of recognition. He knew the door opened by the noise but he probably had no idea who was standing in the doorway.
“Hello? Is someone there?” His eyes were moving, looking for a source of the sound even if nothing was getting back to his brain. It hurt to watch.
“It’s me. It’s Gladio. The nurse said you might not remember who I am.” He walked in, shutting the door behind him. Carefully the older man watched Ignis’s face, to see any sign of recognition. There was nothing.
“My apologies, I don’t remember you. Are we friends?” It seemed like he gave up trying to ‘look’ in the direction of whoever he was talking to. So Gladio walked to the side of the bed, letting himself step a little louder than normal, and dragging the chair just enough to make noise. This time when he sat down in it he didn’t feel hopeless, he just felt tired.
Silence hung between them as thoughts spun through his head. Thoughts of what this all meant. Best case scenario, well, best case scenario was he healed and everything was fine. But assuming he got his memory back that wouldn’t change the blindness. You couldn’t be a blind chef, at least he assumed you couldn't. This was Ignis and he managed to do anything he put his mind to. But even if he could, it would take years of training to get back to where he was. Years of learning everything all over again, but harder, different. Would he have to give up his dreams because of this?
And what if he never got his memory back? They had only been dating for the last few months but they had been friends since they were children. He couldn’t even imagine a world without Ignis there, next to him. They had gone to school together, college together. Heck, they lived together for over a year before dating. And now Ignis was facing him, waiting for an answer to a question that seemed so simple. Would it be too much to spring on him? ‘Yes, we’re dating’. Or ‘Yes, you’re in love with me’. Even worse, if his memory never came back, what if this time Ignis didn’t fall in love? What if he loved someone else? He couldn’t just force a relationship on the man, a relationship he didn’t remember nor cherish.
“Ya. We’re friends. We’re…” Ignis was looking at him, expectant. “We’re friends.”