Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

~~~We were full of life
We could barely hold it in
We were amateurs at war
Strangers to suffering

We made our families proud
But scared at the same time
We promised we'd be safe
Another lie from the front lines~~~

Lu Ten had always known he was different. It was hard not to know, really. In a family of powerful fire benders and skilled prodigies, he’d never been able to produce a single flame. His father had never treated him differently for it, had loved him unconditionally regardless, but he’d always known that others judged him for his lack of fire and that it was a source of contention in their family. 

It wasn’t due to a lack of trying, of course. He remembered the hours and hours he would try and produce a single spark as a young child, frustration mounting more and more as he failed at his task. His father had told him that perhaps he was just a late bloomer and to give it time, but as time went on, it became clear. He couldn’t bend. 

His uncle, in particular, hated his lack of fire. When he had been five, his uncle had even tried to convince his grandfather to disown him, claiming that a non-bender could never rule the fire nation with the force they’d need to win the war. His father had fought for him, claiming that he was as strong and loyal as any other fire bender, and eventually his grandfather had rejected his uncle’s proposal, as long as he worked as hard as he could to learn other methods of fighting and strategy. However, it had been clear to him, even at the age of five, that his grandfather held no love for him and it was only because of the respect his father had earned through his career that he was allowed to remain in line for the throne. 

Growing up a non-bender in a family of benders had been a challenge. Especially after his cousin had been born and, while he struggled with it, could produce flame. Don’t get him wrong, he adored his cousin! But it had been hard, at age twelve, to see his two-year-old cousin bending the fire he so longed to control. Even though Zuko struggled with learning and was constantly under scrutiny, at least he could bend. The young child had more value, in a sense, than he, himself, had. It was hard not to feel bitter, but he tried. 

To prove his worth, he threw himself into learning how to fight with a sword. Piandao had taught him well and by the age of eight he had been considered a master, and by twelve had even invented a few moves of his own. Still, it hadn’t impressed his grandfather much, so he kept trying, kept fighting. Kept learning. His father had told him that it was alright, that he needn’t work himself to death to try and prove his worth, but that wasn’t enough. He loved his father, with all his heart, but he had to prove that he was worth something. To prove that he was worthy of the love his father gave him, despite everyone always talking about how worthless he was. He just... he had to. 

It didn’t help that he still felt the keen loss of his mother everywhere he went. He hadn’t known her long, his mother having died when he’d been only three, but there were times he could swear he could hear her voice or could smell the scent of her perfume on the wind. He wanted to be the son she’d have been proud of, and while his father assured him that she’d have been so very proud of him, he could never be certain. So, he worked, harder and harder, to make up for the lack of fire he possessed. To become the prince that his nation needed him to be. 

His mother had been a non-bender, too, he knew. As a child, his father had always tried to comfort him with that knowledge, that she had been born the daughter of a fire nation governor and an earth kingdom noblewoman without the gift of either element. But, after his uncle had tried to get him disowned, he had learned how disgraceful that had been considered. That it was only because of his grandfather’s love and respect for his father that the marriage had even been allowed at all. When she died giving birth to his stillborn sister, there had publicly been a period of mourning in their nation, but he’d later learned that a reasonably sized amount of the nation had felt her death had been deserved, that it was a sign of retribution from Agni, signifying that the marriage had been wrong all along. Many even said that his lack of fire had been the first signal. It was a theory he knew his uncle supported, the man cruel in his private disdain. It had been learning this that had sparked his desire to become better, to become more. After all, his mother had never allowed her lack of bending to stop her, and neither would he. 

For a time, it seemed to work out well. He learned sword fighting and other traditional means of battle, and began to be respected, even, by those who worked with him. Even his grandfather seemed to show interest, approving how quickly he picked up strategy and fighting techniques. By his thirteenth birthday, he had proven himself as a competent and strong fighter, with a good head for strategy and battle, perfect for a prince. He finally began to think of himself as worthy, as strong. 

That all changed when his younger cousin, Azula, proved herself to be a prodigy. Even as an infant she could produce sparks, far brighter and powerful than any other infant recorded. His grandfather began showing interest in her, while he and his cousin began to fade in the background. When he was fourteen, Azula barely two, she began to toddle around and replicate fire bending techniques that stumped even grown adults. She was the talk of the nation, and while he knew he loved his cousin dearly, he couldn’t help the spark of resentment that filled his belly when he’d watch her bend, gaining more respect and awe in her two short years of life than he’d been shown in fourteen of his. It rankled him, but rather than give up, he fought harder. Trained longer. Did whatever he could to prove himself deserving of the title he held. 

The only good thing to come of it all, he found, was that he grew closer to his other cousin as a result. Zuko was a good fire bender, from what he could tell, but apparently good wasn’t enough. Not to his uncle, anyway. It made his heart ache to see his cousin’s heartbroken expression when he’d show Uncle Ozai a move he’d spent weeks learning, only for the man to dismiss him with barely a glance. His father tried to praise Zuko and encourage him, but he could see that while Zuko appreciated the praise, it wasn’t enough. It reminded him so much of his own struggle that he couldn’t help but sympathize with the boy. 

And so, despite his own struggle with self-worth and frustration, he began to spend more time with Zuko, spending whatever time he didn’t use training with the young boy. To his surprise, he had found himself enjoying the four-year-old’s company. Well, as much as any fourteen-year-old can enjoy the company of a toddler. But Zuko was surprisingly bright for his age. He was sensitive, yes, but also kind and caring, far different to his sister, who had already been proving herself to have a cruel streak at the tender age of two. Zuko was always the first to try and help out if he could, his wide eyes earnest and guileless with their open honesty. It was refreshing, truth be told. It didn’t hurt that he was also very cute, though Zuko hated it when he called him that, puffing out his cheeks and pouting. It only made him more adorable, truth be told, but he would always stop teasing him about it quickly. He hated to see Zuko cry. He hated being the cause of it more. 

It was because of this that he actually made the suggestion, though he had immediately regretted it. While he wasn’t a bender, he knew all about fire bender rules, spoken and unspoken. One of the unspoken ones was that it was considered shameful to learn to use another weapon rather than your fire. It admitted weakness and failure to master your element properly. He found it ridiculous, in all honesty. It was better to master whatever means of battle you could, rather than limit yourself to a single one. But maybe that was just him. 

Still, after a particularly trying day of the boy watching his younger sister master moves that he still couldn’t begin to grasp, he made the suggestion to his little cousin that maybe he could train with Piandao and learn the blade. As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he wished he hadn’t said them. He meant them innocently, wanting only to help, but he knew that benders were often touchy about things like this, full of disdain for learning traditional means of battle. He had watched his cousin with apprehension, hoping the boy didn’t think he was mocking him or anything. While Zuko had never shown disdain for his lack of bending, he knew quite well what his uncle thought of the matter. Who knew what the boy had picked up from him?

Yet, he had soon learned that he’d had nothing to worry about. Zuko had just looked at him with huge eyes, before grinning widely. “Do you think I can?” the boy had asked, looking awed. “That sounds so cool! I want to learn to fight, just like you!” 

The words, spoken so innocently, had warmed his heart. For years, the best he’d ever gotten was mild disdain for his sword fighting, and yet here was his cousin, looking almost beside himself with enthusiasm about the idea. He’d promised his cousin that he’d look into it and that if Zuko wanted to, he would make sure the boy was given the chance.

Knowing his uncle would disapprove, he’d bypassed the man and gone straight to his father, who’d then gone to his grandfather. A little while later, after much discussion and cajoling from his father, Zuko was allowed to learn from Piandao, as long as he, himself, was there to monitor the progress. He didn’t mind that at all, and in fact began to enjoy watching the lessons, even helping when asked. Watching his cousin excel and flourish after years of struggle had filled him with pride for the boy. With this connection, the pair grew even closer, and he began to see the boy as the little brother he’d never had. 

But this wasn’t to last. On his fifteenth birthday, a year earlier than most of their citizens enlisted, he began his military training, despite the warnings his father gave him. He was ready, he had insisted, to which his father had cautiously agreed. The only regret he had was that he’d have to leave the palace to train with the other cadets, leaving his young cousin to the mercy of the boy’s uncaring father and increasingly cruel sister. Zuko understood why he was leaving, of course, and was even supportive and awed, but it still made him feel bad. Especially when his father chose to follow him and assist with his training, leaving the boy with only Aunt Ursa on his side. 

However, not even his regret was enough to stop him in his quest to prove himself. And so, a month after his fifteenth birthday, he found himself leaving home for the first time to learn how to serve his nation the best he could, regardless of his lack of bending ability. 

Training was grueling, he quickly learned, but he impressed his superiors with how quickly he caught on and adapted. He had always had a good head for strategy, his daily Pai Sho games with his father helping him greatly in that regard, and he had trained for hours every day with his sword, so he was very strong and agile. He breezed through his training and gained great respect among the commanders and generals. 

One thing he found that he was particularly good at was whenever the officers would simulate an earth bending attack and would throw rocks and such at the cadets. His fellows had always failed this task and would get pelted with the tiny missiles, the commanding officers yelling at them to be vigilant for attack from any angle, at all hours. He, however... well, he had never had that problem. He couldn’t explain it at the time, not even if he tried, but it was almost like he could sense the rocks as they drew close to him, allowing him to dodge them with ease. It was strange, but he never thought all that much of it, honestly. He was probably just lucky, and it gave him an advantage against any earth bender he’d face while out in battle, so what did it matter in the end? Maybe it was because of his mother and her heritage, he’d muse blithely some nights, mind too awake to hope to sleep. Perhaps all mixed-race individuals had the same advantage. He’d never met someone of mixed blood like himself, after all. 

He had made the decision to not tell his father about it, though. He didn’t even know why he was reluctant to tell his father, as he had always been close to the man, but something in him said to keep it to himself. For the moment, at least. After all, why bring it up when it didn’t really matter? It didn’t matter how he could do it, it just mattered that he could. 

And so, regardless of the how’s and the why’s, he used this skill to his advantage and quickly rose through the ranks, all while keeping his secret to himself. No one questioned him on how he was so good at evading the onslaught of rocks and earth, so it never became an issue. By his sixteenth birthday, a little under a year since he had begun his training, he was assigned to his first battalion, to fight as a ground soldier against the Earth Kingdom resistance. 

His father had been so proud of him, but also very nervous. He’d just laughed and joked that by his age, his father had already won his first battle, but it hadn’t made the man any less concerned. His father had made him promise to stay safe at all times, and to be careful around the earth benders. That there was a difference between simulated earth bending and actual earth bending. He’d promised his father he’d be careful, that he’d been practicing for years and he knew how to handle himself, but he knew his father still worried. They’d not be in the same battalion, after all, his grandfather thinking it best for him to learn away from family. He privately thought it was a test, and it would be one he was determined to win. 

Throughout this all, he’d kept exchanging letters with his cousin, keeping abreast of the boy’s progress with the blade as well as with his daily life. According to his aunt, who kindly wrote out Zuko’s responses as well as her own commentary, his cousin was doing great with his sword training, Piandao saying he was progressing nicely. It warmed him with pride to hear how well his cousin was doing with the blade, even if his fire bending was still weaker than the boy desired. He did miss his cousin greatly while he was away, but he knew the work he was doing was important, that he was helping the Fire Nation become stronger, as was his duty as a citizen and prince. He only hoped that his cousin wouldn’t forget about him while he was gone, especially since he knew that once he was shipped out for the Earth Kingdom to fight in the war, he would have less time and ability to write to the boy. Though he promised himself that he would still try when he could.

As he boarded the boat to reach the Earth Kingdom, the first time he’d ever left Fire Nation soil, he couldn’t help the feeling of apprehension that filled his stomach. He was proud to be a prince of the Fire Nation and proud to fight for his country, but he couldn’t help the sick feeling he got inside at the prospect of battle. He’d never taken a life before, and his father had solemnly told him that the likelihood of him being forced to take a life was high. The thought turned his heart to ice as his stomach churned restlessly, the nerves mounting the closer the ship sailed to the Earth Kingdom. But nerves did no good in a war, so he kept it to himself and kept marching, both physically and metaphorically.

During his weeks aboard the ship, to help distract from the nerves, he got to know his fellow soldiers fairly well, the other new recruits looking as green as he felt. They seemed to be anxious around him at first, his station inspiring both awe and fear, but he quickly did away with that, telling them that he was just like any other solider and that they shouldn’t treat him any differently. And by the time they landed on Earth Kingdom soil, he found himself fast friends with quite a few of them. He had always made friends easily, his easy-going nature making people gravitate towards him even despite his lack of bending, but something about these friendships felt different, somehow. Something about the prospect of fighting alongside them, fighting for their lives as much as for their nation, made the bond seem deeper. More real. 

It was on the ship that he learned that their battalion was a mixed one, with both fire benders and non-benders in it, so he was not alone in his lack of fire. This relieved him, honestly. It meant he had less to prove, less to make up for. He’d also learned that he’d been assigned to a team of other non-benders, and he quickly became a de facto leader, both due to his status at prince and his natural charisma. This had helped with his nerves, and by the time their ship landed at the Earth Kingdom, he’d felt far more confident in his ability to fight in this war.

The first week on Earth Kingdom land was spent being debriefed by their new commanding officer, a humorless general named Homura, at a Fire Nation base.

The new recruits were all brought up to speed about their mission, which was to provide relief for the soldiers fighting against Earth Kingdom insurgents. They would not actually face battle themselves, not at first, unless things turned very south for them. This frustrated him, as he was itching to fight and prove himself, but internally, part of him was relieved. The longer he was delayed from facing true battle, the longer he could put off the prospect of taking another life. 

Unfortunately, that meant he spent a lot of time at the base, where the recruits were mixed in with the seasoned soldiers, all of whom seemed to take delight in tormenting the “fresh meat,” as they called them. He resented the hazing, but his father had warned him about it as well, saying it was a time-honored tradition, so he sucked it up and dealt with it. The older soldiers seemed to have it out for him the most, for reasons he could only guess at. Perhaps they knew of him and his lack of bending and wanted to show their displeasure at his so called failing as a prince. Perhaps they didn’t like how little he reacted to their taunts and pranks, determined to rise above it all. Or perhaps they just didn’t like his face.

Whatever the reason, he found himself facing an onslaught of hazing, pranks, and cruel jeers. He faced it with as much grace as he could, ignoring most of it and pressing back only when it went too far. By the end of the first week, he was glad to get the order to ride out with a group of soldiers to provide aid to those that were fighting. 

His first battle was not at all what he’d expect of it, but maybe it was better that way. He didn’t actually even see any earth benders, or any real action. He mostly stayed with his troop and waited to get called to action. After about an hour, they were called in to help round up the rest of the enemy soldiers that had surrendered to their first wave of soldiers. It had left him dissatisfied to have over glorified prison guard duty, but as he passed the field of wounded soldiers, he wondered if maybe staying back was the safer route. Still, the thrum of battle had begun to run through his veins and as he put metal cuffs around the wrists of their captives, he longed for a fight to satiate that growing desire. 

It wasn’t long before he got one. 

It wasn’t long after that that he began to regret his desire for battle. 

His father had always told him that war wasn’t a joke. That it was serious and that he should treat it as such. And he knew that, of course he had. No one knew the realities of war more than a prince of a conquering nation, after all. But all his life he’d heard tales about the war, a war that had been going on long before his birth and may last long after his death. A war that was almost timeless. It made sense that the idea of it was warped in his mind, just a little. It had never truly felt real to him, not fully. It was an idea, a distant but ever-present thing, something he knew about intimately, but never really knew. It was easy to not think of war and battle as a tangible thing. To think of it in the abstract and ideologically; not real. 

It was during his third week at the base, almost a month after he’d first arrived, that he finally was given the opportunity to fight enemy soldiers. 

It was during his third week at the base, almost a month after he’d first arrived, that he finally began to realize the true nature of war. 

It was during his third week at the base, almost a month after he’d first arrived, that he first killed a man. 

He hadn’t meant to. Not really. He’d been given the order to go into battle when their battalion had been overwhelmed by insurgents, earth benders who had come out of nowhere and ambushed their front line. He and the other recruits had been ordered out there, weapons at the ready, jittery nerves and wide eyes as they ran into their first real battle. He felt sick as he saw the motionless bodies on the ground, some wearing red, some wearing green, all stained with crimson. He stilled his shaking hands as he took a deep breath, pushing down the nerves and anxiety as he ran to help a soldier that was being surrounded by earth benders. 

The battle itself was a blur to him, when he looked back, a sea of motion and a racing heart. He was good at dodging the rocks that were thrown his way, his intuition (as he had taken to calling it) warning him of incoming attacks. It also helped him know when to jump to avoid sinkholes. He didn’t question it too much, too focused on staying alive. 

It was bad luck, in the end, that led to The Moment, as he would later call it. One of his friends that he’d made had been pinned beneath a rock, surrounded by earth benders, calling out for help, when he’d arrived. The man, named Yuuto, was barely older than him, and had four younger siblings that he had helped his mother take care of after his father was badly injured during the war and could barely walk. He’d enlisted to support his nation, as any good Fire Nation citizen did, but had never really had a taste for fighting, he’d confessed. The man preferred baking or painting, tasks that required creativity, not violence. He liked that about Yuuto, honestly, and it was what allowed the pair to bond so closely. 

Seeing his friend pinned beneath a rock, screaming with pain and panic... it had snapped something in him. His insides had gone cold and his eyes had gone hard, a cold fury filling his entire body. For the first time in his life, he understood what his uncle meant when he spoke of fire bending, of the power that filled you when you wielded the flame. He knew that if he could bend, he’d be breathing fire, like his father was well known for. 

As it was, he’d charged in, almost mindless with determination, and singlehandedly took on the five earth benders who had pinned his friend and likely would have killed him, had he not intervened. It wasn’t until later that he realized that was the first time he’d ever been face to face with an earth bender. It wasn’t until much, much later that he realized why that was such a big deal. 

He’d not meant to kill anyone. He’d just been alit with a righteous fury, panic and fear fueling his angry movements. He’d dodged all the attacks the earth benders threw at him, his intuition guiding him as he ran for the soldiers. The first two he reached were dealt with swiftly, the back of his dual dao blades knocking them out without any problem. The next two were a little trickier, but these men were clearly as young and inexperienced as he was, so it didn’t take long for him to incapacitate them as well. 

It was the fifth man that proved the trickiest. 

The man had been older, likely around his uncle’s age, and had clearly faced battle before. He had been bleeding from a cut over his eye but had seemed otherwise unhindered. He knew that he had his work cut out for him as the man hurled rock after rock at him, moving in almost elegant motions, for as sturdy as they were. Had the moment not been so serious and had he not still heard his friend crying out in pain behind him, he might have taken a second to admire the workmanship and skill the earth bender had. After all, he’d never been so close to an earth bender before and the art was almost fascinating, pulling something deep within him that he longed to pull out and examine. But the heat of battle was thrumming in his veins, the angry drum resounding in his chest, and he had no time to admire beauty or art. He had no time for such childish nonsense. 

He hadn’t meant to stab the man. Truly, he hadn’t. He’d just been going through the motions of battle at that point, his limbs working automatically as he ran through the motions he’d long since memorized. He’d been almost detached from the battle, seeing the world through a lens. Like he was a ghost, spectating the battle, not a combatant. When he had thrust, he’d been fully expecting the earth bender to dodge backward, his mind already planning three steps ahead for his next moves. It had taken him a long second to even realize that his blade had met resistance, and even longer to register the pained gasp of breath the man before him took in. It took a lifetime for him to realize what he had done, the man seeming to be suspended in midair as the light faded from his green eyes, the shock and pain that had filled them fading like the sun as it set. Eventually the man fell, as all men did, and moved no more. 

He hadn’t had time to fully process the event as he heard his friend call out again, the sound wet, reminding him of the present. Body numb and limbs shaking badly, he raced away from the body (body, not man, as it was no longer a man) and over to his friend. Yuuto was crying with his pain, whimpering as he called out. 

“Lu Ten... Lu Ten, please, please, it hurts. Please, help me, p-please,” his friend had whispered, voice so hoarse he was barely recognizable. But he understood and had felt nearly frantic as he looked at the giant rock that was currently crushing his friend’s rib cage, killing him slowly. His mind was slow, his limbs heavy, and he had no idea how he was going to remove the rock and save his friend. He had never felt so useless and pathetic before, body shaking as his adrenaline began to fade. 

It was when Yuuto gasped and his eyes rolled back that he knew he had to do something. Spurred into action, he darted forward and pushed against the rock, his hands shaking so badly he barely had any purchase whatsoever. He had no hope that this would work, had no idea what he was doing, was just buying time to think, to plan, to do something. Agni, just please let him do something. 

But, to his astonishment, the rock... moved. He barely had any strength in his body, and the rock had to have weighed at least a hundred pounds, likely more. He had no purchase and was shaking too badly to really put any effort into his action. And yet... 

Like before, he had no time to marvel at this feat of his, as Yuuto’s labored breathing caught his attention. Snapping his eyes down to the barely conscious visage of his friend, he pushed all thought and panic out of his mind until he had gotten Yuuto to the healer’s tent. With the training he had learned in boot camp, he carefully set Yuuto’s numerous broken ribs as best he could, knowing that the internal bleeding would be extensive. With that done, he lifted his friend as carefully as he could, his arms straining with the effort but knowing he had to do it. They had no support soldiers today, the battle taking all of their auxiliary staff and putting them to use in the battle. If he didn’t bring Yuuto in, no one would. 

The slog back to camp had been one of the most difficult things he’d ever gone through up to that point, and yet he could barely recall any of it when he looked back. All he remembered was calling for aid as he got to their makeshift camp, his voice hoarse as he screamed at the top of his lungs for help. He recalled watching with distant eyes as Yuuto was carried away to the healing tent, which was overflowing with people already. They’d tried to force him to go as well, concerned for their prince, but he’d insisted he was fine. The blood wasn’t his, after all. 

It was only then that the whole situation had hit him. What had happened. What he’d done. When he recalled the empty look in the (former) earth bender’s eyes, when he recalled the way the (dead) man had fallen, life torn from him as callously as a child tore a page from a book— 

It had been several years since he’d last vomited, he’d mused dimly, as he puked his guts out on the floor of the makeshift camp site. The field nurses had been concerned and had dragged him to the tent, sitting him on a log outside, despite his insistence he was fine and that they should help those who truly needed help. “You’re our prince, your highness. No one is more important than you,” they’d insisted. He’d never hated being a prince so much. 

The following days were also a blur to him when he tried to recall it all. He could only recall snapshots, little bits and pieces of what had occurred. He remembered worrying over Yuuto, the man teetering on the brink of death. He remembered the feverish sweat that he broke out in, as he jolted from the sleep he’d unintentionally fallen into, mind jumbled with the sight of unseeing eyes. He remembered his commanding officer speaking with him, his voice gruff, as he told him he’d done a good job out there and that if he kept it up, he’d be promoted in no time. He hadn’t even known he’d done a good job during the battle, but apparently he’d been a great help to the battalion before he’d left with Yuuto, warning people about incoming attacks, blocking rocks with his blades, things like that. He barely remembered any of it if he was being honest. 

He’d only been sixteen, not even an adult, but he’d felt like he’d aged decades in one day. War was no longer an abstract concept to him. He knew intimately what his father meant when he spoke of the horrors of war, finally could understand the haunted look his father would get when he’d beg for war stories as a child, eager to hear about his father’s glory. It sickened him, then, the whole thing. War, fighting... he wanted to stop. To go home and curl under his covers. To see his cousin and laugh as he chased the boy around the garden, carefree as only a child could be. 

But he couldn’t do that. He was a soldier, now. He wasn’t a child, could never be a child again. He’d killed a man, he had blood on his hands that he’d never wash out. He would never discover the name of the man he’d killed, would never know what kind of life he had led. If he’d had a family, children. Loved ones who mourned him, like he mourned the loss of his mother, like he would mourn the loss of his father, should the man fall in battle. He couldn’t undo what had been done. Couldn’t fix it. All he could do was keep going, to fight for the nation he loved. It was all he had left. 

Yuuto survived his injuries, thankfully, but was shipped back to the Fire Nation to heal fully, another soldier added to the countless that were broken by the battles they were forced to fight. He was sad to see the man go, but mostly felt relieved that his kindhearted friend would no longer be subjected to this horror. His commanding officer had shaken his head and lamented how, “they don’t make soldiers like they used to,” which had made his hands clench with suppressed rage. But he held it in. He was a good soldier. A loyal Fire Nation citizen. Loyal people didn’t punch their commanding officers. Even if he wished they did.

The following months were grueling, more so than any other time in his life. He aged centuries in months, his eyes no longer shining with youth but burdened with strife. Despite his best attempts, his first kill was not his only one, and with each one another face was added to the nightmares he had daily. 

Still, despite his distaste for battle, he was surprisingly good at it. He had a good head for strategy and was good at predicting what an enemy‘s next move would be in a split second. While he didn’t have flame, he was nearly unstoppable with his blades, his twin dao glinting in Agni’s rays, reflecting His power within him. 

He still couldn’t explain why he was so good at predicting earth bender attacks, however. Couldn’t describe the feeling he got, the intuition that told him to dodge or duck, to jump or leap. No one ever questioned how he was so good, just chocked it up to him being the prince; being the son of the infamous Dragon of the West. But late at night, when his mind swam with the faces of the dead he’d created, he couldn’t help how his mind drifted to his good fortune, to his intuition that saved not only his life, but the lives of those around him. And from there, he began to wonder about how he could move heavy boulders and rocks that no one else in his battalion could move, not even the strongest of men. He knew he was strong, but to be able to singlehandedly move a giant boulder? It didn’t make sense, really.

As the months dragged on, more and more questions would pop into his head, most of which he would push down until the next time they’d crop up, unwillingly. As he faced more and more earth benders, as he moved up in the ranks, he began to take time to watch them, as they moved, as they fought with steady grounding and strong posture. And, slowly, a pressing question began to rise in his mind. But this was one he kept safely locked away, refusing to entertain it, not even for a second. Because everyone knew he was just a non-bender. 

Right? 

Right. How could he be anything else?

It was a year and a half into his service, a year and a half of fighting that he hated and strategy that he tolerated, that he was finally transferred to his father’s battalion. He’d managed to finally impress his grandfather enough, he supposed. He’d risen to the rank of Staff Sergeant, which was apparently impressive, he’d been assured. With this promotion, he’d been given the opportunity to change battalions to a more impressive one, which he’d originally been reluctant to do. He’d made some good friends during his time with his battalion, and as Staff Sergeant, he helped train the younger privates, letting him help shape their experience of war, to hopefully better prepare them for the harsh realities that awaited them. While he’d lost a few of his friends, each one added to his nightly faces, he was content where he was and how he was progressing. 

However, when he learned that he had the chance to be moved to his father’s battalion, he’d dropped everything and had leapt at the opportunity. It would be great for his progress, yes, but his main reason was that he fiercely missed his father. He’d been fighting almost nonstop for a year and a half, with only a handful of days off a month, if that. He wrote letters to his father as often as he could, but more often than not he was too busy with the war effort to really sit down and write, his father facing the same problem. And even if he had had the opportunity to write daily, it would never beat actually seeing his father, the man who had raised him and cared for him for sixteen years. 

And so, he’d said goodbye to the friends he had made, the men and women slapping his back and wishing him luck in his journey, saying they’d miss him and his lucky streak. His grin turned strained at their reminder of his supposed “luck,” but he’d quickly pushed passed it, laughing with them as they broke out the sake to celebrate. 

And then, a fortnight later, a year and a half since they’d last seen one another, he finally was able to see his father once again. 

He’s gotten older, he had thought, with surprise that made no sense. Of course his father had gotten older. That’s how time worked, after all. But instead of a mostly black head of hair, he saw several streaks of grey, coloration that proved the age of the man. There were more lines on the face than he recalled there being the last time he’d seen him, too, and a heaviness in the amber eyes that had always been ever present, but that he understood far better than he ever had before. It was a heaviness now reflected in his own eyes, he knew.

He had had a brief moment to wonder what his father saw when he looked at him then, his jaw more defined than it had been, his eyes harder and filled with the grief only a solider knew, the child he’d been when his father had seen him last gone forever. The moment ended as soon as he felt arms clasp tight around him, a warm hand rising to grip the back of his head firmly, securely. The momentary panic that filled him at such a quick movement faded before it even began and he quickly raised his arms and hugged his father in return, shameful tears filling his eyes. He hid them in his father’s neck as he always had as a child, and if his father noticed, the man didn’t bring attention to it, as he was crying too. 

“Oh, my boy. How good it is to see you again,” his father muttered, tears falling softly down his face as he pulled back and stared at him, amber eyes roving his face. It was with shock that he realized he no longer had to look up to meet his father’s eyes, but instead looked straight across. At some point over the last year, he’d grown enough to match his father’s height. It was surreal to realize. For his entire life he’d looked up to his father, both metaphorically and literally. Now they stood on equal ground, neither above the other. What a strange world war created. 

“And you, father,” he eventually rasped when he realized his father was awaiting a response. He noticed a flash of pain enter his father’s eyes and he worried he’d said something wrong (even though he’d only said three words total). But before he could stammer out an apology, the look quickly faded into the parental love and affection he’d always adored as a child, the soft expression putting a lump in his throat. The worry and fear within him melted away in an instant at the look, replaced with such a strong sense of nostalgia and longing that it was hard to not collapse from the sensation. 

“Come, my little solider boy. You must be exhausted. Let us eat and then you can get some rest. Everything else can wait for the morning.”

And so that is what they did. He followed his father like a lost turtle duckling, feeling so impossibly young despite all the things he had gone through. He knew what their task was, knew that they would soon begin their siege on Ba Sing Se, the impenetrable city. Knew that they needed to prepare for their upcoming battle. 

Yet, for that one night, he allowed himself to be taken care of by his father. He ate the food his father had prepared, drank the tea his father had brewed, and listened to the stories his father had created; stories that had nothing to do with war and fighting and death. He closed his eyes and pretended, for just one night, that he wasn’t ancient and burdened with the spirits of those he had killed. For just one night, he pretended that he was a child again. 

For just one night, he pretended that there was nothing strange about himself, that there were things he could do that not even he could explain. 

For just one night, he let himself be. 

When the night was over and the dawn arrived, he put away those childish desires and went to work. And if his father would stare at him across the war table sometimes, a saddened look in his aged eyes, well. He resolutely ignored it. He was a good son. A loyal fire nation citizen. A talented soldier. A worthy prince. There was no room for regret in war. He’d learned that a long time ago. 

The siege lasted a long time. Far longer than any of them had wanted, but it had been expected. Ba Sing Se had withstood almost a hundred years of war without a hint of wear. Of course their siege would not be an easy one. 

He was put on the front line of the battle, at his own insistence. He wanted to be a good leader to their people, he’d insisted to his father when the man had protested. He had to lead by example. His father had eventually given in, realizing the validity of his words, acting not as Father, but rather as General when he put him in the front lines. He knew it pained his father to do it, but he was confident in his abilities. 

And while he never told his father, he knew he could help the front line evade the attacks from the rocks the Earth Kingdom army rained down from above. After all. It was what he was good at. Him and his “luck”...

It was after a little over a year of battle, four hundred days into what would eventually become a six-hundred-day siege, that he began to realize he couldn’t just ignore the question within him forever. Too much coincidence occurred, too much “luck” and too much intuition that he couldn’t explain. No one questioned him, of course not, not when his father was right there. But he saw the looks. The questions building in the minds of his fellows. “How did he know they were tunneling under us?” he heard a random foot solider mutter. “How can he be so lucky at evading those huge boulders?”

The questions in his mind continued to grow in number, until they began to consume him. How did he know how to evade the rocks? How did he know that the soldiers were tunneling under them? How was he able to feel the rock breaking way underneath him, long before it ever even cracked? Why was it that his body seemed attuned to the earth in ways that no loyal Fire Nation citizen should ever be? 

Days passed as the questions built up until he couldn’t take it anymore. He began to observe the enemy soldiers in a new way. Instead of studying them just so he could figure out ways to defeat them, he began to study them for... other reasons. Reasons he still refused to fully name, fear filling him at the very thought of what the answers to his questions might even possibly be. Still, he watched. He observed. He found himself, almost unconsciously, mimicking the moves himself, though he always stopped doing so as soon as he noticed. 

It took almost one hundred more days before he finally gained the courage to sneak away from their encampment, as far away as he humanly could, and test his theory. Three months of watching, waiting, and fearing. 

His fears turned out to be unfounded. It was with relief that, as he did the motions that he’d seen the earth benders do, he found that nothing happened. Nothing moved, nothing within him sparked, like he’d always heard bending did. And of course nothing happened! He was a non-bender, for Agni’s sake! Everyone knew it. He’d always known it, too. His mother was a non-bender, after all, and he took after her. Of course, he didn’t know if his maternal grandmother had been a bender or not, the woman dying before he’d even been born, but surely, she wouldn’t have been? Why would his maternal grandfather have married her if she were? So, she couldn’t have been. And it was ridiculous to think that he could have been, either. He was a non-bender. That was shameful enough. Anything else...

His fears put to rest, he turned to go back to the camp and put it all behind him. He was just lucky, he told himself, a small smile rising to his face as he practically began to skip. It was like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, the world far lighter than it had been in years. Yes, he was still a killer and would always be haunted by the ghosts he carried with him, but at least he wasn’t—

Jauntily, a lazy smirk on his face, he twitched his hand towards a pebble that was a couple feet away from him, mentally snickering at his previous fear that he, son of General Iroh, grandson of Fire Lord Azulon, great grandson of Fire Lord Sozin, could ever be— well. That.  

And he stared in horror, the ice and fear and dread slamming back firmly into his heart, when the pebble moved. 

He ran the rest of the way back to the encampment. 

It had been a trick of the light, he had convinced himself, after a sleepless night. The pebble hadn’t moved, of course not! He was a non-bender, everyone knew that! He’d shamed his family enough by being the first (and only) child of the Crown Prince and a non-bender. He’d spent almost two decades coming to terms with his lack of bending. It- he- he couldn’t... he just couldn’t. 

And anyway, he’d tried the move! The one he’d seen the earth bender do, and nothing had happened! And, alright, so maybe he knew that bending was more than just copying a movement. He’d learned that from his cousin, who struggled to produce fire even when he got the footing perfectly fine. It wasn’t like he knew what it felt like to fire bend, let alone— anything else, since he was, and he repeated, a non-bender. 

He lasted another two months before the curiosity and fear began to eat him up inside. It was even affecting his work, his own father coming to him with concern and asking if he wanted to leave the siege after the third injury that he had gotten by being careless. It was, quite frankly, ridiculous. And finally, nearly sixty days after he first found the sign that he might not know himself as well as he’d always assumed, he returned to the clearing he’d found with determination in his heart. One way or another, he’d learn the truth that day. No matter the consequence. 

For over an hour he’d stared, motionless, at the rocks before him. He felt petrified, like he was turning into the earth before him. He knew the movements he had to make, of course he did. He’d spent the last two months obsessively watching and wondering, to his chagrin. He’d even casually asked a fellow lieutenant what it felt like to bend, enduring the woman’s laughter so that he could get the vital information. It was like a spark, she’d eventually confessed, when she realized he’d been serious. Like everything within her was alive and, quite literally, on fire. Mostly, it felt normal. Ordinary. Like the most natural thing in the world. If she were prevented from fire bending, she claimed, she was sure it would slowly kill her. He personally felt that that was a bit extreme, but he didn’t know enough about the matter to refute it. 

He had briefly considered asking his father for advice, but ultimately decided against it. Since the siege was such a large effort, he rarely got a chance to actually see his father, even though they were in the same battalion. If he went up to the man and asked him questions about bending, of all things, he knew his father would be suspicious. And his father was a deceptively smart man. He might hide his intelligence behind an air of geniality, but he knew the wicked sharp wit his father possessed. It wouldn’t take long for the man to learn the truth, to discover the deadly secret he was hiding from the world. 

(And it wasn’t like he didn’t trust his father. He did, honest! There was no one he trusted more. But... well. Maybe that was the problem. Maybe it was his surety that his father would side with him, no matter what, that made him so reluctant to talk about it. After all, having a non-bender as a son was only shameful. Having a son who was a bender but didn’t bend fire... ah. But he was getting ahead of himself, wasn’t he?) 

Regardless, it was for the best that he kept his fears to himself. And, for all he knew, maybe he was wrong. Maybe the pebble had just moved itself. Or maybe it was just a trick of the light. Or, or, or... or. There were many possibilities. The possibilities were endless! He couldn’t make any conclusions just yet. 

Which was why he was there. Staring at a rock. His stomach in knots and his breath beyond ragged. 

Like a spark, the lieutenant had said. Like the most natural thing in the world. Alright. He took a breath. He got into the position that was burned into his brain, heart racing faster than it ever had before, and that included in battles where he’d feared for his very life. Something about what he was doing felt so very, very wrong. So very, very forbidden. 

And yet... as he got into the position, as he took a deep breath and let it out... as he stared at the rocks, his brain slowing down as his world narrowed to the earth before him... suddenly, it didn’t feel wrong anymore. Suddenly... it was like the world finally made sense, after centuries of the world being wrong. 

And, as he lifted his hand like he’d seen the Earth Kingdom soldiers do, hands steady and sturdy, he felt nothing at all inside as he saw the rocks before him lift. Nothing other than a sense of peace that he was certain he’d never felt before, not to mention a feeling of wholeness. Like he’d finally found that missing puzzle piece that fit only him, no one else. Like he was finally whole. 

The feeling didn’t last long. After a handful of moments his hand shook, and the rocks came tumbling down. And he fell with them, gasping for breath as he stared, eyes wide, at the sandy dirt beneath him. 

Okay. So. He was- well. He was. Not a non-bender. It... made sense? No. It didn’t. It made no sense. All his life he’d been a non-bender. Late bloomers were never this late. How- how could he have gone almost twenty years without knowing this about himself?! Part of him still wanted to deny it. To say it was a trick of the light, a trick of the brain. But he had never been a fool. Hadn’t had the luxury to be one. He knew the truth. He had always known the truth, deep down. It was why he’d loved playing in the dirt as a child, even though his nannies had detested it. It was why he had always loved climbing hills and mountains and anything rocky. It was why he would spend hours in the garden with his aunt and cousin, the earth around him calming and soothing to his soul. The answer was almost laughably simple, something he should have realized long ago, and would have, if he weren’t such an idiot. 

He was an earth bender. 

He’d always been one. 

It took him hours to find the strength to get up, his mind racing and heart stuttering. He could barely look at the rocks he’d lifted earlier, but he found he didn’t have to. He felt them. He knew where they were. He always had. 

The walk back to the encampment was a long and arduous one. It felt like the earth was swallowing him whole, the truth having unlocked the ire of whatever spirit the Earth Kingdom worshipped. Agni, he didn’t even know what their guardian spirit was, did he? He’d never much paid attention to his spiritual studies. He now wished he had. 

His commanding officer was furious at him for taking off without telling anyone. They’d noticed his bunk had been empty and had feared he’d been captured or harmed when he’d not returned. He’d just waved the man off and said he’d gone for a walk but would like to head to bed, if it was all the same. The captain was clearly not happy but allowed it with a grumble. 

As soon as his head hit the pillow, he was out like a light. It was strange, considering how hard sleep was for him to obtain on the best of days, but it wasn’t like he was conscious enough to question it. When he woke, hours later, the details of the dream he’d had had faded like smoke on the wind, but he knew that it had dealt with fire, earth, and his ever-mounting sense of dread. 

A week passed as he churned his discovery around in his mind. He made more mistakes, stumbled against the enemy soldiers more and more often. A main part of it was caused by the fact that, now, he could see himself in them. He’d always hated fighting, had hated taking a life regardless of the circumstances, but now... now, he saw himself in the earth benders’ shoes. Saw himself up on that wall, defending his city, fighting for his freedom. And he began to question things he’d refused to question before, but now that the floodgates in his mind had been slammed open, he couldn’t close. (What if this war is wrong, what if I’m on the wrong side, what if the Fire Nation isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be, what if I’m nothing but a no good murderer, what if, what if, what if-)

He was a loyal Fire Nation citizen. He was a noble prince, a fantastic solider, and a good son. 

He was also an earth bender. 

And he was beginning to question his place in a world that would never accept him. 

He couldn’t tell his father. He couldn’t tell anyone, but least of all his father. That much he was certain of. If his father knew... he would never disown him. Right? Right. After his mother had died, his father had focused on him solely, and his cousins somewhat. But he had never doubted his father’s love and care, not once. While the man was often away on a war campaign, his father never once let him believe that he wasn’t thinking of him every second that he was gone. So he knew, should he tell his father his secret, that the General would do everything in his power to help him and support him. He’d be proud of him, regardless of anything. 

But...

Well. His uncle. The man hated him so much already, for the gall and shame of being a supposed “non-bender.” What would he think if he learned he was actually an earth bender? His uncle was a horrid man, a thing he wasn’t ashamed to think of, especially considering how the man treated his beloved cousin, and he was certain that Uncle Ozai would use this knowledge to gain favor with his grandfather. Would call him a traitor and a risk for their near century long war.

Fire Lord Azulon loved and respected his eldest son, he knew that much. But the Fire Lord was utterly indifferent to him, and only tolerated him because his father was so confident in him. Somehow, he doubted that his grandfather would be able to tolerate him being an earth bender, a member of the nation he was trying his hardest to defeat, not when he was so close to being on the throne one day, himself. His father marrying his mother was a big enough deal. This... this would be the straw that broke the camel-pig’s back. The ounce too heavy that caused everything to crumble to ash. And if his father was on his side when the dam broke and the floodgates opened—

For a week, these thoughts plagued him, hounded him, tormented his every waking (and many non-waking) moments, until he realized what he had to do. 

He was a prince of the Fire Nation. That was a fact. He was also an earth bender. That was another fact. These two facts could never coexist. He couldn’t change what he was, no matter how much he might wish he could. But maybe... maybe he could change who he was. Maybe... just maybe…

He could become someone new. 

It broke his heart to even think it. He had spent nearly twenty years as a loyal prince to the Fire Nation. Second in line for the throne. He had been willing to dedicate his life to his nation, to lead them to victory, if that had to happen. To kill and maim and fight for the nation that had never cared an ounce for him. But learning the truth about himself, and realizing just what his nation would do if they ever found out... not to mention the changes he had felt occurring within him, ever since he’d taken his first life and wondered what all of it was for; why any of it mattered; why they were doing this... all of this combined made him question everything he’d ever known. How could he possibly be Prince Lu Ten, loyal son of General Iroh, the Dragon of the West, when he didn’t even know if he believed in the war he was currently fighting? When his entire nation would consider him a traitor if they found out what he truly was?

Briefly, he had entertained the idea of forcing the knowledge he had learned down. Of ignoring his revelation and going back to pretending he was simply a non-bender again. But that idea was quickly shot down. Now that he knew, now that he had felt the rush of chi, had felt the perfect calm and sense of wholeness that had filled him as he bent the rocks... he knew he could never fully ignore that part of him again. It was like that lieutenant had said. It was a part of him, the most natural part. He could no longer deny it than he could deny breathing or eating. It was part of him and without it, he would cease to be him. Even when he hadn’t known about it, the knowledge had always been there, hidden deep within him. He could never go back to that state of obliviousness again. It wasn’t possible. What was known could never again become unknown. He knew that all too well. 

So, he couldn’t stop being an earth bender. Couldn’t ignore it. And he couldn’t be the prince of the Fire Nation, either. 

It would destroy his father. He knew that. He still remembered the overwhelming grief his father had gone through when his mother and unborn sister had died. It had only been him that had kept his father going, he was sure of it. To lose him...

But he couldn’t tell his father the truth. And he couldn’t stay. He finally understood the phrase “stuck between a rock and a hard place.” 

If he left... no. Not just left. His father would never give up looking for him if he left. If he faked his death, then maybe his father could one day move on. He could still become Fire Lord, could still fulfill his birth right. That... that was important, yes? Yes, he firmly decided, when he realized the alternative was Uncle Ozai becoming Fire Lord one day. While his father still believed in the Fire Nation’s right to rule the world, he wasn’t nearly as ruthless as Uncle Ozai was. Not even by half. He knew his father would be a fair and just leader. But his father could never be that if he stayed. If the truth were found out (and it would be found out, people were already muttering, looking at him weirdly, suspicious of their prince), things would end for him, regardless. Now that he knew, he knew he couldn’t hide it anymore, either. It was only a matter of time before someone found out, before someone saw, and then it would make its way to his father, then to his grandfather, and uncle, and—

Point was, if his secret were found out- and it would be found out- then his father would have to pick a side. And he knew, knew, which side his father would pick. And he... he couldn’t be the reason his father gave up everything. His birthright. His throne. His nation. He couldn’t. 

And so, he began to plan. 

And so, a little over a month later, as the Fire Nation finally broke through the outer wall of Ba Sing Se and was so close to victory over the great kingdom—

Prince Lu Ten, of the Fire Nation died. And Yuuto, an Earth Kingdom refugee, was born. 

It had been a risky plan. It had had so many ways of going wrong. So many variables to account for. So many challenges and problems, and there had been many times he had considered calling it quits. Had considered just living with his secret for the rest of his life. But as the days passed and the feeling inside his chest began to grow, the desire to bend nearly overwhelming him, he knew he couldn’t. 

He’d have to make it so that his father never questioned why there was no body. He knew how smart and sharp his father was. If he had any doubt that he was still alive? He’d never give up hope and that hope would be his downfall. Luckily, since fire was all around him, that would be an easy one. He’d been promoted a few times over the previous two years and was now a first lieutenant, the youngest in Fire Nation history. As such, he was allowed to come up with plans for battles, bringing them up to the captains and colonels in charge.

His plan was simple: explosives. They could use them to try and blow a hole in the wall. Yes, it had been tried before and had failed, but this time he had a plan for getting the explosives close enough to the wall to work, he cajoled. And he did. He’d come up with it ages ago but had determined it was too risky to ever try. But now- now he had a reason to try it. To risk it. He wasn’t looking to kill himself, Agni no! But he knew he could handle the task while making it look like he couldn’t. And maybe, if it did work, they would finally break through the wall and conquer Ba Sing Se, and he would just roam as an earth bending vagabond for the rest of his life. It could work. 

Eventually, after much persuading (and even his father had come to listen to the plan, the man obviously hesitant) he managed to convince them he knew what he was doing. His father was still very skeptical but had claimed he trusted his son and that he’d follow his lead. It had destroyed him inside to hear that, already imagining the devastated look on his father’s face when he learned of his “death,” but there was nothing for it. His plan was set in motion. Freedom, the kind he hadn’t even known he’d been lacking, was so close now he could almost taste it. He could be free of the war. Free of his shame. Free of the Fire Nation. 

He couldn’t give that up. Not for anything. 

It took only two weeks to get the plan set up and ready to go, the battalion rallying at the prospect of their battle finally ending and then finally being able to return home. 

And finally, the day came. It was a bright and sunny spring day, the heat of summer not quite reaching them just yet. He got himself into position, grabbing the blasting jelly and readying himself to bring it to the wall. His father had almost forbidden him from doing this part of the task, but he had been firm. He knew how to evade the rocks better than anyone, he had claimed. If anyone could get the blasting jelly to the wall, it was him. Eventually he’d been granted permission, his father very skeptical, but that didn’t matter. What mattered was that the plan was set. 

From there, it wasn’t hard to plant the jelly. Now that he knew what he was, it was ridiculously easy to evade the earth benders attacks. He was covered by a dozen men, too, who were there to keep him “safe.” In the end, only he would make it to the wall. He had ensured that. No one else would get hurt by this plan. 

The hardest part was making it look like he got caught in the blast while not actually getting blown up. He knew that, should he create a tunnel under the earth, he could bury himself deep enough to be safe from the blast, and maybe even get into the city. He’d have to leave quickly if the army did break through and conquered, but he had a plan for that, too. It was challenging to figure out how to make a deep enough hole (he knew the blast radius of the jelly and he’d have to be at least thirty feet down to escape its blast), but he was confident he could do it, after some practice in his far away field. He had to be. 

Throughout all this planning, he didn’t allow himself to have any doubts. He’d made up his mind. He would fake his death, would create a new life for himself. He would break his father’s heart, but the man was resilient. He’d move on, in time. He... he had to do this. He just... he had to. 

And as he carried the jelly to the wall, as he planted the barrel close enough to blow it up, as he “miraculously” evaded rocks and earth and dirt— he could feel a sense of relief slowly fill him. A hope that had been growing ever since he’d come to the realization of what exactly he was and had started this insane plan. A hope that he could finally- finally- be free. 

In the end, it was almost too easy to fake his death and become a random Earth Kingdom refugee. He’d set up the jelly, lit the fuse to blow, made his hole a few seconds before it blew, and tunneled his way into the Great City of Ba Sing Se. To complete his ruse, he chose to rename himself Yuuto, after the first friend he’d made in the army. Should anyone ask, he’d say he was a refugee from one of the villages the Fire Nation had conquered and was simply passing through. 

He learned soon that while the blast had, indeed, broken open the wall, rather than conquer the lower town like planned, the Fire Nation instead retreated from the city entirely, abandoning their crusade after six hundred days of siege, despite being minutes from victory. He had had a bad feeling he knew why, but never allowed himself to dwell on it. What was done, was done. He couldn’t exactly undo it now, could he? Hundreds of soldiers had watched him “die,” after all. And he paid close enough attention to know that they did believe him dead. Lu Ten, prince of the Fire Nation, second in line to the throne, was dead. 

And he couldn’t have been more relieved. 

~~~Our backs against the wall
We're surrounded and afraid
Our lives now in the hands
Of the soldiers taking aim

Our questions ricochet
Like broken satellites:
How our bodies, born to heal
Become so prone to die?~~~

Chapter Text

~~~Though time is ruthless
It showed us kindness in the end
(By slowing down enough)
(A second chance to make amends)~~~

Life as Yuuto was far different from life as Lu Ten, he would soon come to learn. 

Because the Fire Nation had chosen to retreat from Ba Sing Se, he figured that staying there would be his safest bet, for the time being, at least. Living in one place would mean he wouldn’t have to worry about carrying his gear from town to town, in a land he knew almost nothing about. Plus, if the Fire Nation pulled away from their one chance to enter Ba Sing Se, then who knew when they’d next be able to get in? Statistically speaking, he’d be safer here than anywhere else.

However, staying in Ba Sing Se, in and of itself, led to a whole host of problems. The main one being that he had no money. All of his money had been Fire Nation coin, which he doubted would be any use to him at all here. He’d luckily managed to steal some clothes to wear, so he wasn’t wearing Fire Nation red, but theft was hard to do, what with the constant police surveillance. Thus, he knew he had to get a job, a real job. This was something he’d never actually had to do before, not as a prince. And finding a job, he quickly found, was easier said than done. 

He didn’t look like a traditional Earth Kingdom citizen. He knew this. His eyes were the same amber his father’s eyes were, which marked him instantly as Other. During his first few weeks he wasn’t treated with suspicion, per se, but he also wasn’t welcomed openly. Not that he expected that, really, just... it was hard. He’d managed to find some places to sleep for those first few weeks, evading the police as best he could as he slept under bridges and in alleyways, but it certainly wasn’t comfortable. 

Eventually, he grew lucky. Really lucky, in fact. He had always been a very charismatic, charming person. He’d gotten it from his father, he was proud to say. When he smiled, people tended to like and trust him. At first, he was dismayed to learn that his charms weren’t working all that well for him in the city. He supposed that with the influx of refugees, it was not smart for anyone to be open to a stranger, no matter how charming. In fact, the most charming people were often the ones with the most to hide, he’d found. However, three weeks after the “death” of Prince Lu Ten, he met a young man who would soon change his life. 

His name was Reo, and he had mid-length, jet black hair, smooth pale skin, bright green eyes, and a handsome smile that was quite charming, really. And, to his luck, Reo found his smile charming, too. They’d met when he had been passing by the man’s family business, an art shop that sold pieces they and their neighbors had crafted. It was a nice place, for the lower ring, and he’d been lured to the stall despite his lack of coin, looking at the pieces offered. He had no money to give and knew that most stalls in the lower ring didn’t like people window shopping, as it were, but he hadn’t been able to help himself when he saw a small painting he knew his father would have adored. It made his chest ache as he remembered the life he had left behind, and the life he currently had been living.

He’d actually been afraid, when the young man had approached him silently, that he was about to be yelled at to leave. But to his surprise (and delight), he’d just been given a bright smile and asked if he liked anything he saw. The question had, inexplicably, made him blush, and he’d quickly stammered that he was just looking, feeling far from the elegant prince he once had been. Luckily, the man hadn’t seemed to mind and had just laughed, claiming that it was fine, and that he could look at long as he wanted. The man then asked him his name, and he only stumbled a little over the new name he’d chosen, asking for the man’s in return and cherishing the sound of it on his tongue. After that, the pair began to talk, Reo asking him if he was new in town, to which he replied he was. He learned Reo had lived there his entire life and longed to see outside the walls, but highly doubted he ever would.

From there, the pair spent long minutes talking, and he was soon enamored with the young man, which was another thing he’d never have been allowed, as the prince of the Fire Nation. But maybe, here, as an anonymous refugee in Ba Sing Se...

Eventually, Reo found out that he was looking for work, and his eyes lit up as he claimed that they were looking for a new employee to help man the stall, now that his sister was getting married and was moving to Omashu with her husband. Reo said that he’d ask his father what he thought, but that he was sure he could get the job. It was more than he’d ever hoped for, and he thanked Agni and the still unknown Earth Kingdom spirit for his good fortune. 

From there, life... continued. He spent his days working for Reo’s family shop, the man’s father a down-to-earth man that reminded him of his own father, in some regards, though far less bombastic and more sedate. Reo’s mother was a bit stricter and more cautious, but after a few months she began to warm up to him and welcomed him as an honorary member of the family. He had also been able to find a place to stay near Reo’s shop, the man and his family vouching for him with a family friend who owned property in the area. 

Over the months, his life began to stabilize, and he began to become accustomed to life as an Earth Kingdom refugee. He would wake up, eat a small breakfast he would cook for himself, then would go to work at the art stall. They didn’t get as many customers as other stalls, given the superfluous nature of their wears, but many young ladies would come and spend their change on baubles and shiny things, giggling behind their hands as they batted their eyelashes at him. Reo joked that since he had arrived, their business had doubled in size, thanks to the young women who wanted to get a look at the fine young man running the stall. The words had made him blush furiously, which Reo found hilarious. All in all, life was actually good, and he even began to make friends with the regulars at the stall. As the weeks passed, he stopped thinking of Ba Sing Se as a temporary location and started to think of it as home.

Of course, there were times that he missed his old life, his father and his cousin most of all. He would wonder what they were doing, where they were and how they were. Thankfully, Reo never asked him details about his past, of which he was beyond grateful, since he didn’t know how he could come up with a convincing lie when his heart yearned for the people he had lost. But while it did hurt, missing his loved ones, he couldn’t quite find it in him to regret his decision. Ba Sing Se was removed from the war, with only the ever-growing refugee population as a clue that anything was happening at all. It did concern him sometimes, that he had no idea what was going on with his family outside these walls, but for the most part he counted it a blessing. It meant he could live his new life completely isolated. That he could begin his life completely fresh. And while the guilt never fully faded, his contentment and joy at his new life was enough to keep him going. 

Before he knew it, days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months, and eventually months turned to years. Soon, two years had passed before he even really noticed. 

Not that the two years hadn’t been long. They had been, more so with the nightmares and flashbacks he would occasionally get, making him think he was back on the front line, fighting a war he had never fully believed in. He faced his problems as well as he could, trying his hardest to handle it all without concerning the friends he was making in the city, but it didn’t always work. Sometimes he’d see something that reminded him of being back in those days, and sometimes it was when he was out with his friends. He couldn’t help the panic and fear that would build up inside him, causing him to leave as soon as he could manage. One time, several months after he’d first arrived, he’d had one of his “problems,” as he called them, around Reo, who had immediately done all he could to help him. After that, while Reo never asked what caused his panic, the man would always be there if he needed help, lending a gentle shoulder to lean against. Words couldn’t express how grateful he was to the man. 

Still, even with help, the nightmares and panic attacks were brutal, when they came. But despite it, despite his panic and the fear that was always present, he was surprised to find that he was more than content with his life. And a lot of it was thanks to the man who had, in more ways than one, saved his life. It was on the eve of his second year in Ba Sing Se that he marveled at the circumstances that had brought him there, at the luck he’d had in finding Reo and his family when he had. 

At the luck he’d had at finding Reo, period. 

And so it was that night, on the second anniversary of his arrival in Ba Sing Se, that he finally gained the courage to do what he’d been wanting for years at that point, and asked Reo to go out with him for the first time. As more than friends. He’d been terrified that he’d read things wrong, that he was ruining the best thing he’d ever had, but to his shock and joy, Reo had grinned and had only asked “what took you so long?” 

After that, things went from good to amazing. While it wasn’t really accepted for two men to be together in the Earth Kingdom, it also wasn’t outlawed, like it was in the Fire Nation. Still, they kept their relationship private, telling only his family, after they’d been dating for a month. Reo’s mother had been skeptical about their relationship at first, but had eventually accepted it, though she’d warned him that if he ever hurt her son, she’d make him regret it. Reo’s father was far more accepting of the relationship, confessing that he’d seen it coming from pretty much the beginning and had just been waiting for them to finally get together. 

The next four years passed as normally as could be imagined, living a secret life as an Earth Kingdom refugee. He found himself feeling truly content for the first time in his life, able to stop worrying about being perfect and allowing himself to just... be. It was funny how he was finally able to be himself only after he buried every fact about who he had been. 

As their relationship progressed, Reo had begun to ask more personal questions, curious about his family and his life growing up. The man never pressured him, but he found himself wanting to tell the truth, to confess all his lies. But... no matter how often he thought about it, about telling the man he was quickly coming to love, he found that he just couldn’t. Reo had never really expressed hatred of the Fire Nation, sheltered as he was from the war (which he did, in fact, know about, but didn’t know the severity of), but he didn’t really want to risk anything. He was finally content with his life; was the truth worth the risk? 

In the end, he told Reo a modified version of the truth. That he’d been raised in a strict household, his father warm and loving, but his grandfather and uncle controlling and demanding. He’d enlisted in the war to support his nation (carefully not saying which nation that was) but had learned quickly that war was not what he had thought it would be. He’d deserted the army after only a handful of years, moving to Ba Sing Se to avoid detection. He had no idea what happened to his family after that, having had no contact with them since he deserted. He didn’t mention how he’d faked his death and changed his name, but he was fairly certain Reo knew that Yuuto was not his birth given name. However, he- kindly- never mentioned it and just thanked him for telling as much as he did, knowing how hard it was for him to discuss his past. After that, Reo never brought up his past and they continued to create a life together in the lower ring of Ba Sing Se.

As the years passed, the two grew closer and closer, the rare fights they had few and far between. While they could not get married, they began to have a very serious relationship, the pair even moving in together two years into their relationship. They also began to combine their income, making purchases and decisions together as a unit. 

It was around that time that he began to keenly miss his father, the ache within him growing with the days that passed and, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t make it go away. He knew that Reo noticed his longing, but the man never mentioned it, just wrapped his arms around him and held tight. 

The longing was ridiculous, he felt. He’d made his decision years ago, had dealt the damage and there was no going back now. He’d been officially “dead” for over four years at that point. He doubted his father would ever forgive him for having tricked him for so long, if he ever learned the truth. And who knew, maybe his father was Fire Lord now and was too busy to wonder about his long dead son. 

Most days he pushed the longing and yearning down, continuing with the life he had created with Reo and their other friends as peacefully as he could. Some days the ache was too fierce, and he’d spend the entire day curled up in bed, missing home so keenly it hurt. He wondered about his cousins, about how Zuko was doing now that he was fourteen and nearly a man, or if Azula had ever learned kindness and humanity. He wondered about his uncle and his conniving nature, and his aunt and her hindered spirit. He thought of his grandfather, wondering if the man still lived or if he’d passed. He was very old, by then, over a hundred. He wondered if his father still thought of him, if he’d be overjoyed to see him again, or hate him for the grief he had caused.

He wondered a great many things those days, things he knew he could never find out. Ba Sing Se was a desert for information regarding the war, he knew. He’d quickly learned that the Dai Li controlled the flow of information quite fiercely, and anyone who spoke of the war in public was quickly taken and... re-educated. He considered this both a good and bad thing. Good in that it allowed him to keep his two lives very separate, the two never intertwining at all. Bad because he had no idea what was going on outside these walls, didn’t even know if his nation was winning the war or not. Didn’t know if he wanted that anymore. He did his best not to think of it and went on his days the best he could, making his home in the quiet little corner of Ba Sing Se he had carved out for himself, and only allowed himself those rare days to mourn and pine for the life he’d never really had. 

This served him well as the years passed and he and Reo grew closer and closer. During this time, his earth bending also continued to grow stronger and stronger, now that he was able to admit what he was without fear. Reo wasn’t a bender, but his father was, and the man kindly spent a long time helping him learn the moves he needed to know for proficiency, if not mastery. He knew that the man was curious about why he’d never learned the moves as a child, like most earth benders, but like his son, Reo’s father never pushed for more information than he felt comfortable giving. He was beyond grateful for that fact. 

Before he knew it, the sixth-year anniversary of the day he’d officially “died,” and his new life had begun, had arrived. It had been surreal, waking up at dawn in the arms of his boyfriend, watching the man sleep with a sense of awe that he had this at all. That this could feasibly have been his life. 

He and Reo had planned to spend the day together, the pair having been granted the day off from the shop. Reo’s sister, Katsumi, had returned to Ba Sing Sa a handful of weeks before, telling tale of the occupation of Omashu and how the war was mounting outside their walls. Reo had told his sister to stop talking about the war, both for his sake and for the sake of the Dai Li, but the news had shaken him greatly. He’d longed to know more, to know under whose orders Omashu was captured, but he had resisted the urge to ask. That wasn’t his life, anymore. 

Anyway, now that the woman had returned, the family shop had two more hands to help out (as well as two additional little hands that did more mischief making than helping), allowing them more freedom to take time off and go on silly little dates. He tried to take this as a blessing and not as an omen for worse things to come. If the Fire Nation had grown bold enough to lay claim to Omashu, one of the few remaining strongholds of the Earth Kingdom... Well. He tried not to think of it. 

The pair spent the day wandering the lower town, laughing as they browsed shops and sampled goods. Neither of them was particularly wealthy, the family shop providing enough income for them to live without fear of starvation mostly, but they had saved for weeks so they could have a nice day out. It was their fourth anniversary, after all. The day was nice, he found, perfect even. 

Well... except for one moment. And that moment wasn’t really bad, but, well... confusing. Because for a minute, a split second he thought... but no. It was impossible, his mind playing tricks on him. Old nostalgia and the bitter longing he could never quite get rid of. It had to be. 

Because there was no way he’d actually heard his father singing “Leaves From the Vine,” that old lullaby the man had sung him every night when he’d been a child, the only song that would calm his mind down enough to sleep. It was impossible.

Still, the moment had shaken him greatly and Reo had been very concerned, asking if he wanted to head home and lie down for the rest of the day. He’d not wanted to ruin their good day and so had politely declined, smiling as he claimed it had just been nothing. Reo hadn’t been convinced, but let the matter drop and the pair continued their date. 

But as the days passed, his mind wouldn’t let him forget the moment, his heart pounding as he wondered what it meant. It had to have been a trick of the brain, a misplaced memory. Or it had been another father, singing the song for his child, and he’d just sounded similar enough. Or... anything other than what part of him desperately wanted. 

However, if his father were there, what would that mean for the man? He should be in the Fire Nation, maybe even ruling by now. Why would he be singing an old lullaby in the middle of a busy Earth Kingdom street, in the heart of the city he’d failed to concur? It was nonsense and stupid and foolish. And yet...

It was around then that Katsumi began raving about this old tea shop he and his boyfriend used to frequent, before their tea had grown so weak that he couldn’t stomach it. Not when he always imagined the look of disdain his father would get if he were served such a pitiful cup of tea. The woman claimed that they had gotten two new servers recently, an old man and his teenage nephew, and that the elder of the two had made the best tea she had ever tasted. She would constantly talk about how good the tea was, far better than any of the swivel the lower ring usually was subjected to. Even her young children, ages five and three, loved the tea, as well as the elderly server who always snuck them sweets when he passed them by. She swore by the tea served there and insisted that the entire family go with her to the shop to experience it.

He never told anyone, not even Reo, but the words had chilled his heart, his breathing quickened whenever he thought of the server his honorary sister-in-law spoke so highly of. Mushi, she called him, a rotund man with a genial smile and warm, kind amber eyes, very similar to his own, she claimed. Despite her cajoling, he politely refused to go to the tea shop, to which the woman called it “his loss,” and took Reo instead. 

He didn’t know why he didn’t go to the shop. After his visit, Reo had had similar claims as his sister, saying the tea had grown infinitely better than it had previously been, but he’d felt strangely... well, afraid. It was ludicrous, he knew. It was just a coincidence, clearly. Why would his father be selling tea at a lower ring tea shop in Ba Sing Se? And why would his cousin be with him? After all, if it were his father, who else would be with the man, posing as his nephew, but Zuko? From his calculations, Zuko would have been sixteen at this point and would have been old enough to enlist in the war, which he knew the headstrong boy would have done the minute he was able to. Unless it was a trick, and they were trying to take down the city from the inside? If that was the case, then why serve tea in the lower ring? It made no sense and there was no point even entertaining the thought. 

Besides. Even if it were his father, so much had happened that he would never be able to show his face to the man, shame and guilt filling him at the very thought. It was better the man continued thinking him dead, rather than be destroyed with the betrayal. It just… it would be kinder.

And yet... despite that, part of him longed to go and look, longed to see if it was indeed his father and his cousin, here at last. He’d heard from Reo that the teenage server had a burn scar that covered his face, from his left eye all the way to his left ear, which had greatly concerned him, but gave more credence to the fact that it wasn’t his father and cousin. Zuko was a fire bender, and a prince to boot. Why would he have a burn scar across his face? It wasn’t them, he told himself every night, Reo holding him tight, knowing something was wrong even without words. But he couldn’t stop the thought, no matter how hard he tried. 

Soon the point became moot, as Katsumi arrived home one day several weeks later looking particularly despondent, informing them all that Mushi and his nephew, Lee, had been given a tea shop in the Upper Ring and would be leaving the lower ring soon. The entire family had looked fairly disappointed at the news, the tea shop quickly becoming a favorite of theirs, but secretly he was relieved. No longer would he have to wonder about the two mysterious servers, the issue officially out of his hands. 

The day the pair finally left the lower ring for good was a mixed day for him. On one hand, Reo’s family was sad to see the pair go, having quickly grown attached to the friendly elder server and the grouchy teenaged one. Their little corner of Ba Sing Se was not particularly small, not with the influx of refugees, but notable citizens were always well loved and missed, should they leave. On the other hand, it meant he no longer had to worry and wonder about the mysterious pair, anxiety mounting within him at the prospect of them being—

He hid the relief he felt and just patted Katsumi’s shoulder in sympathy as she mourned the loss of “the best damn tea I’ve ever tasted,” nearly in tears over the loss. They’d recently learned that she was a few months pregnant with her third child, which he privately felt explained her overly intense reaction to the news, not that he’d ever say that to the woman. Still, even Reo had seemed sad to see the two refugees go, claiming that Mushi had been very good at giving advice, and that even the prickly Lee had begun to warm up the longer he spent in Ba Sing Se. He said nothing about it, just nodded his sympathy, and let the world continue around him. 

He didn’t really have time to allow that, however. It was barely a week later that the news came, the words echoing in his ears, his heart freezing as horror entered it. 

Ba Sing Se had fallen. The Fire Nation had won. 

It had been surreal to learn the news, Reo’s father knocking frantically on their door to tell them the horrible news. Reo hadn’t quite understood the severity of the situation, the man kept in the dark about the true nature of the war, but he had understood perfectly. He’d fallen to the ground with a gasp and proceeded to have the worst panic attack of his life as he frantically wondered what this would mean for him and the family that he considered his own. 

It had taken hours for Reo to get him to calm down, his body shaking so hard he began moving the earth beneath him by accident. Finally, he calmed himself enough to start making plans to evacuate, mind racing a mile a minute. But Reo had resisted, claiming that if Ba Sing Se had fallen, where could they possibly go to be safe? He had yelled for the first time in years, frustration and fear filling him, saying that he didn’t know and didn’t care, but they had to leave, and they had to leave now. Reo had listened to his words and had even allowed him to pack their life up in two bags, but had been resistant about actually leaving the city when he had finished. 

“Look, Yuuto. I understand you are afraid, and I am too. I may not know much about this war, but I can see how real the threat is. But this is our home. We can’t just leave it now. Katsumi is pregnant and she can’t live on the run. Not to mention that father’s back is too frail to live as a nomad, and the children would be unable to survive living such a life. I-I understand if you have to leave, and I won’t stop you. But I... I can’t come with you. No matter what happens next, I can’t just abandon my family. My home. I-I’m sorry.” 

The words had angered him, and he’d wanted to yell. To scream. To tell Reo the truth, the whole truth, and let him know why he was so afraid. Why he knew this would end poorly for them all. But... he held it in. He gasped his pain, and let tears fall from his eyes, but eventually, he gave in. This was a bad idea, he knew that, of course he did. But Reo was right. He had abandoned his family once. He couldn’t do it again. 

The following months were among the most stressful of his life, and that was saying quite a lot, considering his life. Daily life in Ba Sing Se hadn’t actually changed all that much, this far down in the lower ring, but the structural changes were felt by all. Taxes were raised drastically, of course, making it hard to make it day by day. They had to profess loyalty to the Fire Nation as well, something he’d long ago lost and resented being forced to regain, even if only in name. 

The worst part of it all was that now that the safety of Ba Sing Se had been destroyed, news of the war was spreading like wildfire in the lower ring, refugees affected by it happy to finally be able to tell their tales and the rumors they had picked up along the way. He heard tales and rumors that sounded almost impossible but were sworn to be true. 

Somehow, his uncle had gained the throne, after his grandfather had mysteriously died soon after his own “death.” His father, for whatever reason, had chosen not to contest that decision, despite it being his birth right to become the Fire Lord. His cousin, three years prior, had been burned and banished, forced to sail the seas in search of the missing Avatar, who hadn’t been seen in a hundred years. Until, that was, a few months prior, when the young Air Nomad had returned miraculously and had begun fighting for peace. 

The Avatar who was now, apparently, deceased, Zuko apparently having been the one to deal the killing blow, allowing him to finally return home. His other cousin, Azula, had apparently been the one to conquer both Omashu and Ba Sing Se, in the name of her father, and she had even come close to drilling through the wall a month prior. 

And his father, the man he still loved more than anything, had been captured by the Fire Nation and was considered a traitor to the throne. No one knew what had happened to him now, the rumors not quite picking up that detail, but he couldn’t help but fear the worst. After all, he knew what became of traitors in the Fire Nation. It had been a big deciding factor in his decision to fake his death.

All of it made his head swim, his chest full of panic and fear and confusion. How had things gone so badly in the past six years? How had so much changed? It was like the peaceful bubble he’d created in Ba Sing Se had popped and he was thrust back into the war he’d escaped over six years before.  But now he held no power, had no sway over anything. At any moment, his whole life could come tumbling down and he was powerless to stop it. 

When the news came, a month later, that the Avatar was not dead after all, he began to breathe a little easier, praying to any spirit who listened that the boy would win the war and free them all of the uncertainty of the Fire Nation’s rule. It sickened him to think that he’d spent the majority of his life in support of this war. Now that he was on the other side of it, living in fear that the ones he loved would be taken from him, casualties of this endless war, he couldn’t imagine ever supporting such a war again. It was only through propaganda and misinformation that the Fire Nation fooled their citizens into believing in this bloody war in the first place. He’d learned much over his six years here, and he’d never be such a fool again. 

It was nearly two months after that, on the day that a comet flew through the air and empowered the fire within each fire bender, that Ba Sing Se was liberated again, and the hundred-year war was finally ended. 

It was also the day he saw his father for the first time in six long, arduous years. 

It had only been for a brief second. A breathless moment as he’d escorted the steadily growing Katsumi away from the battle, her husband herding the children while Reo helped his father and mother evacuate. Their stall had been burned in the fire, but they had managed to get everyone out of the way in time to join the throng of people rushing desperately to try to evade the flames. 

It had been while he’d been doing his best to keep Katsumi and her unborn child safe that he’d heard the gasp of fear and uncertainty echo across the mass of bodies, forcing him to look up in fear. And there, flying through the sky on a stream of fire, was a man he’d not seen in over six years. A man he’d feared was dead, or worse. A man he’d missed so dearly he ached inside with it. 

His father. 

The man didn’t hang around long. He looked down at the people, gave them all a friendly grin, before rocketing away to the upper ring, where he’d later learn the main fight had taken place. He felt almost weak as he watched the man fly away, a million thoughts racing through his head. It was when he heard a soft gasp beside him that he looked down in concern, only to see Katsumi staring after his father with wide eyes. 

“Was that... Mushi?” 

He didn’t have time to unpack that statement because a loud explosion rattled the ground, forcing them all to move. 

When the dust finally settled and the city was won, they all had a moment of uncertainty for what the future would bring. Their homes had been destroyed in the fire, and while they had a pack of essentials, he had no idea where they would stay now, or where they could possibly go. Not to mention he’d seen his father for the first time in over half a decade and it... the longing that always simmered within him had kicked into a fever pitch, but he had no time to focus on that. The children were crying, and Katsumi was very pale and looked unwell, and overall, he had no idea what was going to happen next. 

As such, the following few days had been very challenging as the lower ring scrambled to come to some semblance of order. Luckily, one of his fears was answered quickly, as a family friend’s house had managed to survive the fire and they had all been invited to stay with them. And while it was very cramped, it was better than nothing. 

They’d also learned- over those few days- that the Fire Lord had been overthrown and that Zuko was set to be the new Fire Lord, soon. That, in particular, had honestly shocked him, though he’d still brimmed with pride for the cousin he’d last seen when the boy had been no older than five. He had no idea why his father wasn’t taking the throne, or what had truly happened to his uncle and Azula (the gossip and rumors were all over the charts, from the avatar dramatically killing them and half the Fire Nation army, to his uncle cowardly cowering in defeat when the Avatar cornered him, to his uncle calmly giving up his throne when he saw he was about to be defeated, which was frankly the most absurd tale of them all), but he didn’t have the luxury to try and find out the truth. He was too busy trying to rebuild their homes, his earth bending coming in handy as he and a group of other earth benders worked round the clock to rebuild what had been destroyed. 

It wasn’t until a couple months later that he finally had a minute to breathe, to allow his racing mind to calm enough to finally think everything through rationally and come to the conclusion that, no matter what the consequences, he could no longer hide from his family. Not after everything that had happened. Not any longer. 

It was around this time that he finally told Reo and the family he had found in this little corner of Ba Sing Se the truth. The whole truth, this time. 

It... didn’t go well. Not at first, at least. Reo’s mother had been furious, barely giving him time to explain before exploding, raging about how he had deceived them for all that time. He knew that that was just her way of processing, though, and that he’d have to wait for her to run out of steam before he truly knew her verdict. Katsumi and her husband just looked shell shocked, which he supposed made sense. He’d only known them for a handful of months, and it likely was beyond strange to learn that the man who was practically your brother-in-law was once a Fire Nation Royal. Reo’s father was also shell shocked, though he didn’t look as disapproving or concerned as the others looked... or maybe he was just projecting. He truly didn’t know. Even after all these years, he sometimes had trouble reading the stoic man. 

The person he was most concerned over, however, was Reo. Throughout his story, his boyfriend had remained silent, a pensive look rising on his face. Even as his mother screamed herself hoarse, as his sister kept shooting cautious looks towards him and surreptitiously kept the children back, as his father frowned in confusion, Reo stayed almost emotionless, no expression on his usually expressive face. It, quite frankly, terrified him. 

It wasn’t until his mother had run out of steam, a full twenty minutes later, that Reo finally spoke, his voice soft and eyes beguiling. 

“So. Your name is truly Lu Ten, and you were born a prince of the Fire Nation?” Reo questioned, head tilted in askance. At his hesitant nod, Reo nodded back, eyes calculating but deadly calm. He held his breath as Reo stood, steps measured as he crossed the room, everyone tense as they watched the scene play out. He knew that they would take their cue from Reo. If he was rejected now... 

He let out his breath when Reo fell to his knees before him, their eyes locked, his boyfriend searching his eyes for... something. After a moment, Reo nodded again, firmer this time, and he felt lips tentatively press against his, soft and sweet and perfect. 

“It doesn’t matter. Lu Ten, Yuuto, prince or refugee, it just… it doesn’t matter. I love you regardless and know that you are a good man, above all else. You had the right to your privacy, same as any other man, and I won’t fault you for keeping this from me. Nor will I judge you for your past. Not now, not ever,” the man muttered against his lips, twining their fingers together. He could feel tears fill his eyes at the words and, rather than suppress them like he’d been taught in his youth, he let them fall freely. The pair stayed there for several minutes, Reo holding him while he cried, before he gently pulled away. 

“I want to find my father,” he whispered, wiping his eyes gently with the back of his hand. Reo nodded enthusiastically, smiling his encouraging smile. 

“Then we will, my love. Do you know where he currently is? It might be challenging to find a way to the Fire Nation, but I will follow you, if that is what you need.” 

“Well, now that is a funny story...” 

The family was still skeptical of the whole affair, but over time he managed to get them on his side, them all realizing that he hadn’t lied to them to be malicious but to keep himself safe. It also apparently helped for them to learn that Mushi had actually been his father all along. They still respected the man greatly, though it had been another shock to learn the refugee tea servers had been disgraced Fire Nation princes, and that the prickly teenage server Lee was now one of the most powerful men in the world. Life was funny, that way. 

In the end, it took him a month to find a way to get a ticket to the upper ring. He’d learned quickly that his father still owned the tea shop he’d been given all those months ago, and that he had returned to run it now that the war was over and that his cousin was safely on the throne. Getting the ticket to the upper ring, now that had been the hard part. It had taken countless favors and some mildly illegal actions to get the papers he and Reo needed to board the car, but finally they had done it. 

And now, here he is. Six and a half years since he faked his death. Six and a half years since he's last seen his father. Six and a half years since he’s last truly been whole. 

Six and a half years since he’s last been home. 

~~~As life replayed, we heard a voice proclaim:
"Lay your weapons down
They're calling off the war
On account of losing track
Of what we're fighting for"~~~

Chapter Text

~~~So we found our way back home
Let our cuts and bruises heal
While a brand-new war began
One that no one else could feel~~~

“Are you ready?” Reo asks, a warm hand grasping his own, squeezing tightly. Lu Ten snaps out of his daze, blinking his eyes as he looks up at the building that looms above him, like a tall monster towering over the valiant hero, awaiting the chance to strike. His mind is fuzzy, and he feels light, like he just woke from a long dream. 

So many things cross his mind as his hands begin to shake, despite the warm weight steadying them. He isn’t ready, not by a long shot. Six and a half years... but truly, it has been longer than that. His entire life, a lie that will now be unraveled. The truth will come out, finally. He has no idea what this will mean for him, or for Reo, or for his father, or his cousin. He knows nothing, truly. 

“I-I don’t know,” he states, eyebrows furrowing as he bites his lip. It‘s a habit he’s been trying to kick for decades. So far, it hasn’t worked. He hears Reo tut softly, a gentle hand rising to brush back the fringe that has fallen into his eyes. 

“If you aren’t ready, my love, we can go. We can come back some other time, I promise. This isn’t the only moment you will ever have. Just... whatever you decide, I will be beside you, one hundred percent, my dearest one. I swear.” 

This is why he adores this man, Lu Ten thinks to himself as love swells within his heart. They have spent weeks planning this moment, have done some sketchy things to get the tickets to come here, and now here his boyfriend is. Offering an out despite it all. He truly is the luckiest man alive. 

“No... no,” he decides, taking a steadying breath. He’s terrified, that much he is certain about. But he’s come so far. He can’t turn back now. Not when he can smell the familiar scent of jasmine tea, the faint sound of a deep and rumbling voice drifting through the partially opened doors. He is hit with such a sense of nostalgia that he has to fight the tears that threaten to fall from his eyes. No, he realizes. He can’t leave now. Not this time. Not now. 

“Alright, alright. Take your time, okay, Yu? I’m here if you need me.”

Lu Ten smiles at his companion and nods tightly. He doesn’t mind the nickname, having told his boyfriend early on that he almost is more accustomed to the name Yuuto than he’s ever been of Lu Ten and that he doesn’t mind being called it still. It just... it feels more like him, now. The name he chose, rather than the name he was given. Still, he supposes he should get use to his original name again. He could never ask his father to call him something different, after all. Not after all he has done. 

It is a long minute later that, finally, he feels as ready as he will ever be to open the doors and face the future before him. Or, should he say, the past. 

“Let me know if it becomes too much, okay? I have no qualms causing a scene so that you can escape,” Reo mutters, causing him to laugh. Truly, he is blessed. He doesn’t respond verbally, just squeezes the hand he is still clutching like a lifeline as the pair enters the Jasmine Dragon. 

The scent of jasmine becomes almost overwhelming as they stand in the entrance way, a smiling young woman cheerfully welcoming them into the shop. 

“Hello! Welcome to the Jasmine Dragon. Would you like me to show you to your seats?” 

His mouth runs dry at the words and the courage he has slowly been gathering begins to escape him like smoke on the water. He’s not been this close to his father in so long and now that he is here... he can hardly believe it. 

He barely registers the response Reo gives, the man claiming that they were actually here to see the owner, that they are old friends, was he in? Neither does he really register the perky response, the woman happily claiming that Iroh was currently in the back, she’d be right back. 

He jolts out of his daze yet again when he feels warm fingers touch his cheek, concerned green eyes staring at him once more. 

“Really, Yu, we can leave if you want. You don’t have to do this, not if you’re not ready. We have time,” he whispers, looking so concerned Lu Ten almost feels like crying. He does not have time to respond one way or another, however, as a voice booms across the dining hall, one so familiar tears actually do start to fall as he gasps harshly. Oh, Agni. This is it. 

“Hello there! Welcome to the Jasmine Dragon! Haruki tells me that you wish to talk with me? Come, let us sit, I’ll get some tea!” 

Reo turns to face the voice, and Lu Ten is ashamed to admit that he hunches his shoulders and does his best to hide behind his boyfriend. His hair, let loose for once, falls to cover his face, his heart pounding as more tears begin to fall. Agni. He’d been stronger than this, once. 

“Ah, Mushi! Or, er... should I say Iroh? Or, uh, General? I, uh... don’t really know how to address you now, I’m sorry,” he distantly hears Reo ramble, the man’s hand rising to ruffle his hair, a telltale sign that he‘s uncertain what to do. Lu Ten can hear his father gasp, causing him to duck further into himself, terrified of what is bound to happen next. 

“Oh, Reo, is that you? It is so good to see you! Just Iroh is fine with me. Tell me, tell me, how is your dear sister doing? And little Taishiro and brave Yasuo? Has the baby been born yet? Oh, you have made an old man very happy this day. You must tell me everything, please, come sit.”

He can feel Reo shuffle before him, his boyfriend puffing his chest out to help him hide the best he can. More tears fall at the protective display, but he realizes what a child he is being, hiding from reality. He is suddenly reminded of that time he was six and he’d accidentally broken an expensive vase. He’d hidden from his father for hours, afraid he’d get in trouble, inadvertently causing the man to panic that he’d been kidnapped. When he had finally come out of hiding, starving and exhausted, he had fully expected to be yelled at and had hidden in his own robes, crying in anticipation. And yet, rather than angry, his father had been overjoyed to see him, hugging him so tight he’d almost not been able to breathe. And a rough voice had muttered in his ears, words that echo in his head as he distantly hears his boyfriend stammer about how, actually, he isn’t sure they could stay long, that he just popped in to say hi, really. 

“No matter what, my dearest boy, you are the thing I treasure the most. No amount of broken vases or hiding from responsibility could ever make me love you less. It saddens me that you do not realize this, and I swear to you, my little solider boy, that I will do everything in my power so that you never need to fear me again, not for anything. Do you understand?” 

He hadn’t quite understood, not then. 

He did now. 

Leaves from the vine

Falling so slow

Words echoing in his ear, as well as a song that has long been burned into his memory, he takes a deep breath and decides to be brave.

Like fragile tiny shells

Drifting in the foam

On shaking legs, Lu Ten lifts up his head and steps out from behind Reo, hands shaking as he meets the astonished eyes of a man who looks so much older than the last time he’d seen him, and yet still looks exactly the same. 

Little soldier boy

With an unsteady smile, Lu Ten faces the father he’d abandoned over six years prior, everything within him churning with nerves and anxiety, but more than anything else, with a kind of joy that only one reuniting with a lost loved one could feel. 

Come marching home

“H-hey dad. I’m home.” 

Brave soldier boy

“Lu Ten... my son...” 

Comes marching home

Chapter Text

~~~Our nights have grown so long
Now we beg for sound advice
"Let the brokenness be felt
'Til you reach the other side.”~~~

The events that follow after he meets his father are still a little hazy in his mind, but as he sits across from the father he’d left on the front line of an exhaustive battle over six years prior, he realizes that the details don’t really matter. 

He knows that his father had stared at him with wide eyes, white as a sheet, like he was looking at a ghost, for what felt like hours. He also knows that his father had dropped the tray he’d been holding, the ceramic tea pot shattering on the unforgiving earth, but neither man had really cared. He doesn’t quite recall what happens after that, the moments between that moment and the next a blur, but before he knows it he is being swept into the tightest embrace he has ever been in, damp warmth spreading along the cheap linen outfit he is wearing. He lifts his leaden arms laboriously and returns the embrace as tight as he can manage, tears falling freely from his eyes. 

“My boy... oh, my dearest boy... is this a trick, my mind finally going? Have I passed away? How can this be?” he recalls his father mutter, sobs interspersing the muffled words. Shaking from emotions, Lu Ten remembers shaking his head, needing desperately to assure his father of the truth. 

“I-it’s not a trick, father. I swear. I-I’m. I’m alive. I’m here. I’m here.” 

He doesn’t know how long they stayed in their embrace, his father muttering soft words of astonishment, thanking the spirits for this blessing, his entire body shaking from the force of his emotions. Lu Ten just remembers holding him and muttering words in response, ones he doesn’t recall now but hopes were calming. 

He also doesn’t know when they pulled apart, or who pulled away first. He just remembers being led gently to a table and being guided into a plush seat. A steaming cup of tea was then pushed beneath his nose, which he dimly registered as jasmine. His favorite. 

This is where he sits now, the silence oppressive around them, the tea shop clear of all patrons. He doesn’t know who had ordered that, but he has a feeling it hadn’t been his father, who is still staring at him like he’s the world’s most precious gift. He has no idea how to handle this, honestly. 

“How are you here?” he eventually hears his father utter from across the table, pulling him out of his daze yet again. Looking at his father, he thinks the man hadn’t meant to say the words, that they had escaped unbidden. And yet... and yet, he knows that more than anything, he owes his father the truth. 

And so, he does. Bit by bit, halting word by halting word, he lets his story loose. He starts at the beginning, about how he had always known he was different as a child. Speaks of his cousin and the one year they had been close, before he’d left for his military training. Speaks of the first life he had taken and how he still doesn’t know the man’s name. Speaks of his fear and anxiety and self-hatred even as he rose through the ranks and proved himself a loyal prince of the Fire Nation. 

Speaks of the doubts that had begun to rise within him, mounting the more he realized that the difference he felt was not going away. Speaks the words that he’d always kept inside, hiding them away, rambling on and on about his life as a child, his fears of what was inside him, fears of what he was.

And... and here he pauses, briefly, his throat aching from talking for so long without break. He doesn’t even know how long it has been since he began, but the sun is now high in the sky and his tea had long since gone cold. His father has said nothing, just let him speak, and he tries to not let that worry him. He takes a sip of the tepid liquid and continued. 

It‘s hard, he comes to learn, confessing the secret he’d once taken to his fake grave. He wants to look his father in the eye but finds himself unable to, his voice wavering as he talks about the truth he’d uncovered, the fact that he was not the non-bender everyone had always thought he was.

That he was actually an earth bender.

For the first time since he’d begun, his father makes a sound, a pained one that shoots straight to the heart of him and makes it clench impossibly tight. And then, he tries to make it better, to prove himself yet again the loyal son. To prove his worth.

“I’m sorry, father, I am. I tried to deny it, but I couldn’t. It... it was in me. I knew grandfather and Uncle Ozai would never approve, and I didn’t want to ruin things for you, I knew... I-I knew...”

He pauses here, knowing what he was about to confess, knowing that this was the hardest part of the entire talk. The part that he’d been delaying by talking about everything else for what feels like hours, now. 

“I knew I couldn’t be Prince Lu Ten anymore. I just... I couldn’t. And so, I wasn’t. I became someone new. Yuuto, an Earth Kingdom refugee. I… father, I am so sorry… so, so sorry—“

Lu Ten stops speaking as his father stands abruptly, quicker than he’d think possible, and he feels his throat run dry. Oh. So, he... he had been right. This was too much. How could he have thought differently, after all he had done, how—

“It is not you who should be sorry, Lu Ten. It is I who must apologize. That you thought faking your death a better solution than telling me the truth... I can never earn your forgiveness for having failed you so deeply, but I am forever sorry that I did. I understand if you cannot forgive me for my crimes, but I hope that you can find it in your heart to let me stay in your life. I have missed you so, so much, my son. Not a day has passed that I have not thought of you and wished things had been different. My biggest regret in life was being the cause of your death. Seeing you here, now... you cannot comprehend the joy and exhilaration that fills this old heart. Nothing has ever given me greater joy than seeing you again, alive, and healthy. It has been my greatest wish, now answered.”

Lu Ten stares at his father, his throat tight as he watches the man fall to the ground in a deep bow. One that he has done nothing to earn. He doesn’t understand what his father is talking about, either. How can his father be the one who needs to apologize, when it had been him who had made the decisions that led to this entire event? His father had done nothing at all to cause this. It had all been him and his own selfishness. 

Sliding off his chair, Lu Ten kneels beside his father and gently pulls him up, shaking his head as he goes. 

“No... no, father. You have done nothing wrong. I made these decisions. It has never been your fault, please, don’t think that! I wanted you to be able to move on with your life, to not be burdened with... with a son who wasn’t... who was...” 

He jolts when his father lets out a low keen, tears leaking from the aged eyes yet again. It pains him greatly to see his father, the once proud and strong Dragon of the West, kneeling before him with the most broken expression he’s ever seen on a person’s face. And it’s all his fault. 

“Then that is on me, my dearest son, that you thought I’d rather you dead than an earth bender. That you ever thought I could move on from your death. I could never move on. Not after losing you. I’d have left it all, and gladly, if I had only had you with me. You have always been my greatest source of pride and love, alongside your cousin. And it pains me to know I failed in showing you that. I give you my humblest apologies and swear to you that I will spend the rest of my days showing you just how much you mean to me, my boy. If you will allow me to, that is. If you wish to have me in your life again.”

Agni above, this is not what he had wanted. Not at all. He’s never wanted his father to blame himself, to think he is at all to blame for the events that occurred. He has had a lot of time to think about his decision, and he has long since concluded that it had not been the most logical choice he could have made. He can’t find it in him to fully regret it, as if he hadn’t faked his death he’d never have met Reo, but he knows he could have handled the whole situation better, had he been under less stress and mental strife. 

Never has he blamed his father for any of it, though. And it kills him inside to know that- no matter what he says- his father will always blame himself for what he had done. Somehow, this was the worst outcome that could have come from this situation. 

However, he knows that protesting will just make it worse. So, even though he wants to tell his father that he is the one to blame, not his father, he just smiles and nods as enthusiastically as he can manage. 

“There is nothing I want more, father, than that. And to make it up to you, for leaving. I promise I will.” 

He can see that his father wants to say something more, that he looks uncertain about something, but the man doesn’t say anything and just beams, his eyes still misty. 

“You do not know how happy that makes me, my son. Now, there will be time later to discuss everything that needs to be discussed about this all, but for now, let us have some tea and enjoy the time we have together. Never, in my wildest dreams, did I think this day would come. I shall get us some more tea, and perhaps you can tell me about your life here, in Ba Sing Se, if you wouldn’t mind,” his father says, beaming widely. 

Lu Ten knows that things will take time to go back to any sense of “normal,” and that the way he hurt his father cannot be forgotten so easily. Even if the man wants to pretend it was all his fault, not Lu Ten’s. But for now, he will go along with it, doing what his father asks. Talking about his life in Ba Sing Se is the very least he could do to make it up to his father.

However, there is one more thing that he has to do before he can move on with their discussion, one that fills him with some sense of anxiety. The worst confession today had already been confessed, but he still had one more hidden, and that was his relationship with Reo. He does feel some nerves about telling his father about his relationship, but he had already promised himself that he would tell his father everything today. And that includes his relationship, and his orientation. If, after all this, his father rejects him because of who he loved... well. It would hurt, but he isn’t ashamed of his love for Reo. Not even a little. 

“Well, I guess I have one more thing to tell you, first... you remember Reo, the man I came here with? W-well... we’re, uh. Together. Romantically. We have been for four years.”

He looks at his father with apprehension in his heart, but to his relief, all his father does is beam, somehow, brighter, his amber eyes alight with joy. 

“Oh, this is good news indeed! I remember Reo and his family from the lower ring, they are wonderful people. It makes me so happy to know that you have found someone so wonderful to share your life with! I will have to meet him properly, if that is alright with you, of course.”

At his father’s words, Lu Ten realizes that he actually does not know where his boyfriend has gone. Frowning, he looks around and realizes he can’t find him, the man no longer in the dining room with them. He must have left to give him and his father privacy, then. 

“Well, he came here with me, today. I’m not sure where he’s gone... I, uh. Wasn’t really paying attention earlier,” he confesses, cheeks heating as he recalls how out of it he had been when he’d first seen his father. His father chuckles, a soft smile on his lips. 

“That is quite alright, my son. I believe he went into the back room with Haruki, to give us privacy. Did you want to go and get him? The back room is over there.”

Smiling, Lu Ten nods gratefully. On only slightly shaky legs, he stands and heads to where his father points. Before he enters the room, Lu Ten takes a deep breath, to steady himself. So much has happened in the last few hours, he isn’t really sure what to think about any of it. All he knows is that his father is here. And he’s not angry. It’s almost too good to be true. 

Not wanting to keep anyone waiting any longer, he quickly pulls himself together and opens the door. He gives a bashful smile to the two inhabitants, who look up with startled eyes. Reo smiles brightly when he sees him, standing with a quiet “pardon me” to the woman, Haruki he assumes. 

“Hey, Yu. Are you okay? I wasn’t sure if I should stay with you or not, but I didn’t want to intrude. Did things work out well? I’m sorry for leaving, I just—“

“Hey, it’s fine,” Lu Ten interrupts, knowing that if he doesn’t Reo would just keep rambling nervously. He smiles as well as he can and shrugs. “It went... well. I guess. My father... he was mostly just happy to see me. H-he seems to blame himself, for some reason. I don’t know... I think it went well. Better than I expected, at least. He wants to meet you. Properly, that is. He was enthusiastic about our relationship, at least.”

Reo nods slowly, biting his lip. He looks uncertain but gives him a shaky smile regardless. 

“Alright, darling. If you say things are alright, that’s good. I’ll be glad to properly meet him if that’s what you want. I’m here for you, no matter what.”

Lu Ten can’t help the wide smile that stretches his face at his boyfriend’s sweet words. Reo has always been super supportive and caring, and Lu Ten loves that about him more than anything.

“Thank you, my love. Well... no time like the present, I suppose,” he states, swallowing down the pressure in his throat. So much has happened in so little time. He is positive that if emotional whiplash is a thing, he has it. 

Reo nods and turns toward the door with a determined look on his face. Before he can think twice, Lu Ten reaches out and grabs his boyfriend’s hand, to comfort the both of them. And then, with another deep breath, the pair exits the room, leaving Haruki without a backwards glance. Ordinarily he’d feel bad about that, but as it is, he’s doing his best to not collapse from the emotional strain he is under, so he just thinks a mental apology for his rudeness upon his exit. 

As soon as his father catches sight of their clasped hands, his eyes light up, brighter than the sun. It makes his chest compress, the anxiety that has filled him since he first realized he prefers the company of men to women lifting at last. It‘s one thing to hear someone say they approve. It’s another entirely to see the proof of it with your own eyes. 

“Ah, hello again, young Reo! So, you are the man who has captured my son’s heart! I must admit, my son has great taste, just like his father! Haha!” 

The words, while boisterous, have a hint of strain behind them that he can’t help but notice. Lu Ten knows, then, that while his father is putting on a happy face, things are not quite what they seem. But if this is what his father needs right now, he will not call him out. 

Reo, if he notices something, doesn’t mention it. He just smiles the smile that originally captured his heart and laughs along. 

“You are too kind, sir,” Reo claims, shrugging, looking bashful. His father shakes his head, smiling widening somehow further, though his eyes shine with unshed tears. 

“Nonsense! Words cannot express how happy I am that my son has found you, young man. That he hasn’t had to face these last several years alone. Nothing makes me happier than knowing this. And please, there is no need to call me sir. Please, call me Iroh.” 

The lump in his throat grows at the words, but he resolutely gulps it down, squeezing the hand he holds for dear life. No matter how long he lives, he doesn’t think he can ever make it up to his father, not after the hurt he has caused. But that doesn’t mean he won’t try with all of his might to make it better. Somehow. 

“Oh, uh. Thank you, sir. I mean, Iroh! Thank you, Iroh,” Reo stammers, squeezing his hand back. 

The air feels strained between them, a tension built not because of anything they have done or said, but simply because of the uncertain nature of their discussion. Eventually, his father sweeps his arm out at the chairs before him, smiling kindly. 

“Please, please. Take a seat. I won’t bite!” 

With a shared look, Reo and him walk over to the table and take a seat, watching as his father stands to pour them a fresh cup of jasmine tea. 

“Now, please. Tell me about yourself, Reo, if you wouldn’t mind. I want to know everything about the man my son loves!” 

And so, for the next several minutes, Reo talks about himself, hesitant at first but growing more confident as his father enthusiastically listens, adding comments that help put his boyfriend at ease. As he watches the pair interact, he can’t help how his heart swells, more happiness filling it than he’s felt in... well. A very long time. 

Until this moment, he never even realized just how much he has missed his father. Yes, he’s always felt an ache inside, a deep longing for the life he’d left, but now that he sees exactly what he has been missing... he realizes just what it was he had given up, all those years ago. And he regrets, for a single moment, that he hadn’t told his father the truth back then. He stuffs it away quickly, knowing that there is no use dwelling on the past (a lesson his father always taught him, growing up), but the feeling is there. And he wonders what life would have been like, had his father followed him into Ba Sing Se. Had they lived their life together, two runaway fire princes, starting a new life. 

When Reo finishes talking, his father satisfied with the information he received, a comfortable silence descends between them. But he can’t help the thoughts that race through his mind, questions and concerns and contradictions. And so, with only the slightest of hesitation, Lu Ten blurts out a question that has been on his mind since the day Ba Sing Se fell and he had realized that everything he thought would occur following his “death,” hadn’t actually occurred. 

“Father... I need to ask you something,” he begins, waiting for his father’s bowed head to continue. “Why... why did Uncle Ozai become the Fire Lord? Why didn’t the throne pass to you, like it was supposed to? And why were you and Zuko here in Ba Sing Se, serving tea in the lower ring? I... I guess I’m asking... what happened, after I, well... after I left?”

The words come out more hesitant and uncertain than he wants, but he can’t help it. He isn’t even sure if he deserves to know the truth, if he has a right to ask such a thing of his father, after all he’s done. 

His father doesn’t seem upset, though. He just hums softly, leaning back in his chair with a thoughtful expression on his face. 

“You know, I had wondered when you would ask me this, Lu Ten. I suppose I should tell you the truth, from the start, like you kindly did for me. And I will not do you the disservice of hiding any details. But, please know my son, that I do not blame you for any of what has happened, and I tell you this only for your own peace of mind. So that you can hear the truth from me, not from the rumors I know have spread. It is not the happiest of tales, but I promise you, it has the happiest of endings,” his father assures, smile brighter than the sun. Lu Ten feels his mouth dry at the words but refuses to back down. With a lopsided smile, he nods, and sits back to hear the tale. 

It... is not one he was expecting. Well, maybe a little, given the rumors he has heard. But still, it shocks- and hurts, in some cases- him to hear the tale from his father’s own mouth. 

First, learning that his grandfather had died shortly after his own “death” under mysterious circumstances, and that Aunt Ursa disappeared not long after that was... very shocking. He honestly had not expected that, at all, having thought that at least some time had passed between the events. But no. Not even a week had passed after his “death” before his grandfather’s actual death.

Next, learning that his father abdicated the throne in order to search for him in the spirit world just... it hurt. A lot. The main reason he hadn’t told his father the truth about him was because he hadn’t wanted to get in the way of his father’s right to the throne. To now learn that- because of what he had done- not only had his father given the throne up, but also spent years pointlessly trying to find him in the spirit world...

But... well. Maybe he isn’t being quite honest with himself, and maybe he never has been. Because if he truly is being honest, then he knows that he didn’t fake his death to spare his father anything. In fact, he knew all along what him “dying” would do to the man. Him leaving was for him, and no one else. He had needed to be free, away from the Fire Nation entirely. He couldn’t have faced his father because doing so admitted that something was wrong. Different. It meant admitting defeat, more so than faking his death, it seemed. 

Lu Ten doesn’t have much time to sort through the rush of thoughts and feelings, and truths he’s uncovering before his father moves on, talking about how once he came back from his spirit trip (having not found him, surprise surprise), he’d allowed Ozai to keep the throne, as he had lost any and all taste for war and power. It is the same reason why he refuses to accept the throne now, his father claims, shaking his head slightly. The news makes things worse for him, if that is possible, and he has to fight to keep the rush of emotion off his face.

He must not do that great of a job, however, because his father gives him a concerned look, pausing in his story with his head tilted in question. 

“Should I stop, Lu Ten? I do not wish to overwhelm you all at once. We have time, my son, and stories always are best when told over an extended period of time,” his father claims, eyes piercing in their intensity. 

Lu Ten, however, just gives him a strained smile and shakes his head. No. He doesn’t want to stop. He needs to know, and he might as well do it all now. Like ripping off a fire leech. 

His father doesn’t seem happy with the response, but nods regardless and keeps going, his voice even. Reo squeezes his hand, and it’s only then that he realizes he’s squeezing the appendage like a lifeline. When he tries to let go and pull away, however, Reo only holds on tighter. Another reason to add to the growing list of things he loves about this man. 

Hearing about what happened to his cousin is hard. His father doesn’t give all the details, and in fact keeps many of the main ones hidden, out of respect for Zuko.

(“It is not my story to tell, but his. Maybe, one day, he will tell it to you himself.”)

Still, what his father does share is horrific. Banishment is not a light sentence, and to give it to a child no older than thirteen... never has he been more grateful for how kind and loving his father is. Not even once has he ever thought that his father would disown him or banish him, or anything even remotely close to that. Not even in his worst nightmares. Disappointment, or even anger, perhaps. But outright hatred and indifference to his health and wellbeing? Never. That Zuko had to go through that, at such a young age, while also suffering the loss of his mother...

At least, he thinks, smiling softly at his father as the man takes a small break from talking to take a sip of tea (“one must keep their throat from drying out, when telling such long stories”), at least Zuko wasn’t completely alone. He’s glad that the pair had one another to lean on, over the long years. That neither had to face the world with no one on their side. 

His father, done with his break, goes on to detail the long search for the Avatar (another horrifying thought, that Zuko had been sent on a wild goose chase never intended to be completed but had put his all into it regardless) and the heartache and strife his cousin had faced over the three, long years. To think that the kind, loving, and tender-hearted boy he’d known had grown up to be so bitter, and angry, and hateful... not that he blames Zuko for it, not at all! Of course he doesn’t, how can he? Not after all the boy has faced, and Lu Ten doesn’t even have all of the details surrounding it.

He does feel a red-hot flash of hatred towards his uncle, however, stronger than he’d ever felt towards another human being. It’s a good thing Ozai is rotting away in a Fire Nation prison, or else he isn’t quite sure what he’d do. He spitefully hopes that the man is suffering greatly while in there. 

As the story continues, the anger within him keeps rising as he hears what has happened to the two family members that he loves the most. It makes him, yet again, wish that he’d never left. Maybe, if he had been there... or if he had paid attention to the war, had paid attention to his cousin, maybe... maybe...

But- he reminds himself yet again- the past is in the past. He can’t change it. Can’t fix it now. All he can do is move forward and hope to fix things in the present and future. If that’s even possible at this point. 

It does hit him that at some point, he will have to face his cousin again. He wonders what Zuko will think of him, now, after all this time. He knows his cousin had once looked up to him. But now, after all he’s done... he doesn’t know. Will Zuko be happy to see him? Or angry, for how he’d abandoned his family when they needed him the most? Or indifferent, since the boy had been so young when he’d left? Did Zuko even remember him at all? 

The thoughts are not helpful. They just make his chest constrict and breathing difficult. But try as he might to completely push them down and listen to the tale his father weaves, he finds he can’t. Not truly. 

Eventually, his father finishes his recount of events and Lu Ten watches as the man sits back and takes a sip of his tea, still warm despite how long it’s been since it was poured. He wants to say something, anything to relieve the pressure in his heart, but find it impossible to do so. What can he possibly say after all of that? What words can possibly make up for how he has abandoned them all?

He does recall his father’s words at the beginning of his story, how he doesn’t blame him, but it’s still hard to not feel at fault, at least partially. His supposed death had sparked the events that led to, pretty much, everything. If he’d never faked his death, would any of it still have happened? Would Ba Sing Se have fallen, would his father be Fire Lord now? Would the war still be on going, or would it have ended years ago? No, he can’t change the past, but Agni, the thoughts refuse to stop swirling in his head. The what if’s and the guilt and the wondering. It helps no one, he knows, but the regret stays strong. 

“I’m sorry, father,” he whispers, eyes closing as the feelings wash over him. He feels his hand get squeezed tighter, and he’s never felt less worthy of it all. Funny. All his life he had fought so hard to be worthy, yet in the end, he had purposely allowed himself to lose the worth he’d fought so hard to find in himself. 

His eyes fly open when he feels a warm, steady hand grasp his shoulder. His eyes meet soft brown ones, his heart constricting at the love and forgiveness he finds there. He doesn’t deserve it. He knows he doesn’t. 

“Lu Ten, my son, you have nothing to apologize for. You did what you thought you had to do. What occurred after is not your fault. I do not blame you for any of it,” his father stresses, eyes intense. And he doesn’t deserve that, either. 

But, to not concern his father (or boyfriend, who is looking at him with worried eyes), he just smiles and nods carefully. Denying his father’s words would just make it worse, after all. However, rather than look assured,  his father’s look turns sad, a wistful smile on his lips. 

“I do mean my words, my son, but I understand if it takes time for you to fully believe them. You always took things to heart so easily, doing everything to please others. But please know that no matter what, I will always love you. More than anything or anyone, save only your cousin. You are one of the most precious things to me, and I am so very happy to see you again. Please do not doubt that.”

He honestly doesn’t know if the words make him feel better or worse, but he smiles regardless, love for his father filling his heart. Agni, but he has missed the man. 

“I don’t, father. I never did.” 

It will take a long time for things to return to any sense of normality. It will take time, and effort, and struggle. But if there is one thing Lu Ten is good at, it’s making it through struggle and strife and coming out on top. 

A few hours later, after his father, Reo, and him went for a walk around the upper ring of Ba Sing Se to “enjoy the beautiful day!” he and his boyfriend are ready to head back home. His father walks with them to the trolley station, a content expression on his face. 

Reo, still holding his hand tightly, has a mildly shell-shocked look on his face, still reeling from how his father had offered to get him and his family a house in the upper ring. (“A-are you sure? I mean, that’s a lot, I wouldn’t want to cause any problems-“ “Nonsense! It is no problem at all! After all, any family that took such good care of my son should have room to grow, especially with a little one on the way.”) He knows that Reo is a proud man and doesn’t like to take things that he’s not worked hard for, but he’s also not a fool. He knows that his boyfriend will be debating it all night, most likely. 

Lu Ten, himself, still doesn’t know what to think about any of it. He is beyond happy to see his father again, the reunion going far better than he’d ever thought it would, but the feeling of dread in his stomach refuses to leave. Like the other shoe is just waiting to drop and the minute he lets his guard down, it will fall and ruin everything. He wonders how long it will take for that feeling to go away. If it ever will. 

He’s also thinking about his cousin, wondering when a good time would be to see him, or if Zuko would want to see him at all. During their walk, his father had offered to write a letter to Zuko, informing him of the good news, but Lu Ten had shaken his head. No, he had claimed. This isn’t news you told someone in an impersonal letter. It has to be done in person, to face the fallout head on. The problem is, his cousin is likely very busy, being Fire Lord and all. The likelihood of him having the free time to travel all the way to the Earth Kingdom for no reason (well, no official reason) is very low. Thus, he’d have to head there. To the Fire Nation. A place he hasn’t been in over ten years.

He’s very torn about the whole thing, simultaneously wanting to go back, and wanting to never go back. His life growing up there had not been ideal, after all. At the time, he had never truly realized how terribly people had treated him due to the fact that he was a supposed non-bender, but with the gift of hindsight, he realizes the truth of it. He’d been miserable there, the only bright spot his father and cousin (and maybe his aunt, the rare times he spent with the woman). He wants to see his cousin, of course he does. But is it worth opening the can of worms that returning “home” would open? 

This is the question that resounds through his mind as the train to the lower ring pulls up, set to leave in a few minutes. With a shaky smile, he pushes it aside and allows his father to pull him into a tight hug, returning the embrace with as much strength as he can muster. The coming weeks will be challenging, he knows, but nothing will take away from the joy he feels at being in his father’s arms again, the comforting scent of jasmine surrounding him. 

“I hope I will see you again soon, my son. Seeing you again has made me happier than you can know. I can only hope that we see one another again, very soon,” his father mutters into his ear, pulling back to give him another bright smile. He nods his agreement, perhaps just a touch too quickly, but his father doesn’t mention it. He just smiles brighter. 

“I will, father. It may take a little while to get another ticket to the upper ring, but I want to see you again as soon as I can. I... I’ve missed you,” he replies, voice equally as soft. His father hums, nodding his head slowly. 

“Yes... I see how that would be an issue. Well, perhaps, then, I can come and meet you in a few days, in the lower ring! I will bring with me passports for you and the family, so you all may visit the upper ring whenever you like, regardless of if you choose to live there or not. Now, I am afraid you must board your train or else you will miss it. But I will you again soon, my little solider boy. I promise.” 

Lu Ten feels conflicted as he half turns to leave, part of him truly wanting to stay. But he knows that Reo’s family will worry if they don’t show up, so he reluctantly turns and head for the car. He glances back at his father and raises his hand in farewell, watching as his father waves back enthusiastically. 

“I shall see you again soon, my son! Stay safe, and Reo, give your sister my well wishes if you would please! Goodbye!”

Lu Ten can’t help the grin that rises on his face at the words, which are so reminiscent of what his father would say every time he left for school every morning that he almost wants to cry. But he’s cried enough this day and so, with only a slight ache in his chest, he waves back as the door closes and he and Reo leave the upper ring. 

Together, he and his boyfriend quickly find a seat, the car nearly empty outside of a chattering five-year-old talking the ear off her tired looking mother. As they sit, Reo lets out a soft whistle, shaking his head. 

“Man. I have no idea what I was expecting from your father but that... like, I remember meeting him, as Mushi, but, I mean... wow. He must have been a great father, growing up.”

Lu Ten smiles at his boyfriend’s musing words, nodding slowly. 

“He was. I’ve missed him so much, these past six years. And it’s not like I regret leaving, not really. After all, I never would have met you, had I stayed, and I would never give up the time we’ve spent together, not for anything,” Lu Ten claims, smiling at his boyfriend. Reo smiles back, grabbing his hand and giving it a squeeze. The smile dies slowly on his face as he stares pensively out the window. After a moment, he continues. “Just... I wonder how things would have gone, had I stayed. Had I told him the truth, rather than hiding. Would things have ended better, for everyone? Would Zuko have faced such heartache and strife? Would my father have become Fire Lord, like he was supposed to? Did I ruin everything for everyone? I honestly don’t know. I know there’s no use dwelling on the past and what’s done is done, and all that, but I can’t help it. Father says he doesn’t blame me, but I don’t see how he can’t. After all I did-“

Lu Ten has to stop talking as his throat starts to close, the tears rising back to his eyes. Agni, he feels so weak. He is tempted to pull away from Reo as the man wraps an arm around him, holding him close, but he knows he can’t. The embrace is too comforting. 

“Hey, hey, it’s alright. It’s going to be okay. Look, I know you’ve been through a lot today, so I get you’re overwhelmed. This is a lot to process. But, Yu, I truly don’t think your father blames you. I was watching him when he first saw you. I’ve never seen a man look so happy before. He loves you, Yu. And as for the rest of it... I know my words aren’t comforting, but like you said. What happened, happened. You made your choice, and this is what has happened. There is no way to know if things would have been better or worse, had you stayed. All I know is, had you stayed, I never would have met you. And that would have been the biggest tragedy, in my eyes. I can’t imagine a world without you, and maybe it’s selfish, but I’m glad you chose what you did.”

Reo pauses here, and kisses the side of his head gently, letting his lips linger there as he continues to speak. 

“In the end, things worked out. Your uncle was stopped. The war is over. We survived, as did your family. Well, the ones who are important, anyway. What could have been is done and gone. What has occurred led to the here and now. And the here and now, to me, is pretty amazing. Because I get to share it with you. So, don’t beat yourself up, my love. Please. Maybe things would have been better had you stayed. Maybe they would have been worse. You can’t know, so don’t let it eat you up. Make the most of the life you’ve been given. It’s what we all deserve.”

Lu Ten has to close his eyes to stop the tears from spilling over. Agni, will this man ever stop being so perfect? While his insides are still twisted and guilt still swirls within him, the sweet words help settle something within him. 

It’s going to take him time to come to terms with it all. To make his personal amends and to forgive himself for the heartache and pain he caused, even if it was unknowingly. It will just take time.

And as they enter their home for the night, several hours later, the sun having set a while before, he feels confident that, one day, things will be better. 

It’s just a matter of time. 

Chapter Text

~~~“There is goodness in the heart
Of every broken man
Who comes right up to the edge
Of losing everything he has.”~~~

As Lu Ten steps off the metal steam ship, his stomach still churning by the roiling waves of the sea, he marvels at the heat that hits him. He had once been very accustomed to this heat and it had taken a while to adjust to the milder temperatures of the Earth Kingdom. And yet, despite his once immunity, the heat of the Fire Nation feels oppressive on his back and he wonders, not for the first time, if this all isn’t a huge mistake. If he shouldn’t have done any of this in the first place. 

Well, it was too late for regret. He’s here, now. Two months after he had met back up with his father, and one month after Katsumi had given birth to a beautiful baby girl (“oh, thank the spirits she’s a girl. I don’t think I could have handled another boy,”) that he finds himself back on Fire Nation soil, soil that he’d once thought he’d never stand on again. 

It has been... a tough couple of months, to say the least. Working his way through his guilt and self-doubt had been hard, but eventually he had done it. There are still times when he slips and allows the dark and self-hating thoughts to slip through the cracks, but for the most part, he has begun the process of moving on. Of letting go of the regret he feels for having missed so much of his family’s lives. And one thing he knows he has to do, before he can move on completely, is face his cousin. To ask forgiveness and accept the outcome, regardless of what it is. 

It’s still terrifying, but he’s slowly getting there, taking it one step at a time, like his father always told him. The longest journeys start with a single step, his father would tell him as a child, when he was overwhelmed by the tasks that he had ahead of him. It helps, somewhat, to think about. 

The two months that passed were busy, to say the least, full of reconnection and new memories. He’d spent most of his time with his father, after Reo’s family had gratefully accepted his father’s offer of a house in the upper ring. Most of the family had been hesitant to accept, all of them proud and reluctant to accept such a generous gift. In the end, it had been Reo’s mother who had been the deciding factor, resolutely claiming that she was going to live in the nice house provided for them in the upper ring, and if the family wanted to join her, they were more than welcome. If not, well. It was nice knowing them. The memory still makes him laugh, knowing that the woman had been deadly serious and appreciating her for it. At least she was very decisive.

Anyway, since they had accepted the offer, Reo accepted his offer to stay in their own home in the upper ring, near to his father’s tea shop. Reo had been very much out of his depth those first few weeks, always looking over his shoulder like he was waiting for someone to yell at him for breaking into his own home. Over time, Reo had gradually relaxed, and now, Lu Ten knew he was starting to think of their house as a home, little pieces of art and crafts that his boyfriend had made going up all around. He loves it, truly. 

Most days he would help his father at the tea shop, taking orders and brewing tea per his father’s meticulous instruction. He hadn’t officially worked there at first and had mostly just been trying to be helpful. After a week, however, his father had slyly asked him if he’d be interested in working at the shop full time, as an employee. It honestly hadn’t surprised him, but he does recall the feeling of warmth that had filled him inside at the prospect of working alongside his father yet again, but this time for a much gentler reason. He will admit, serving haughty Nobles fresh tea was a lot less traumatic than being a soldier. 

During their shifts together, he would listen to his father tell stories when they had free time, soaking in the tales that he’d always loved to hear, but also new ones, ones that the man had picked up along his travels. Lu Ten would listen to the stories indiscriminately, loving them all. One thing he’s noticed, though, is that nearly half of the personal stories have to do with Zuko in some way, shape, or form, the love and pride emanating from his father almost palpable every time. 

If he were a lesser man, he’d probably feel jealous about the love his father showed towards his cousin, but truthfully, he doesn’t mind. Not at all, in fact. He’s always seen Zuko as more of a little brother than a cousin, and he feels no less slighted by his father’s love to the teenager than he would if Zuko were a sibling. In fact, he’s glad that his father has Zuko in his life, and vice versa, and not just because Zuko was there when he wasn’t. His father has always wanted a large family, with numerous kids to love and teach. When Lu Ten’s mother had died in childbirth, it had broken his father’s heart, his dreams of a large family dying with her, as he couldn’t bear the thought of marrying another. By having Zuko, he has another child upon whom he can instill his wisdom and show his endless love. What is there to be jealous of? Nothing, he feels. After all, his father has a big enough heart to love them both. 

Other than that, things had been fairly stable, if busy. With Katsumi’s new daughter- Melody- around, the family has been kept very busy helping out with her and her husband’s chores while keeping the older kids occupied. Even Reo and him had been roped into taking care of the children some days, leaving them both exhausted and content afterward. When not looking after the children or working, he and Reo were spending time together, doing activities that had always interested them, but they’d never had time or money to do. Since his job at the Jasmine Dragon paid well (a little too well, truth be told, though his father professed innocence in the matter) and their house was paid off, they had excess money to spend on the frivolous things they’d never had the chance to try before. It’s very nice, he has to admit, and very comfortable. 

And now here they are, standing in the Fire Nation, about to talk to one of his only sane family members for the first time in over a decade. It was hard to not feel anxious at the thought. 

As he stands outside the ship, face turned towards the breeze and mind full of thoughts and feelings, he hears a soft grunt behind him and looks back to see Reo grumbling as he fans himself desperately with the woven fan his father had gifted him before they left on their trip. (“You will need this, Reo, if you want to survive the heat!” his father had said, with a hearty chuckle. Reo hadn’t believed him, not initially. “It’s almost winter, Yu. Surely it can’t be that hot?” Lu Ten had just smiled and told him to bring it regardless.)

“I bet you’re glad you brought the fan, hm, my love?” Lu Ten teases, his heart settling to see his beloved, even though he’d just seen him less than a minute before. He’s glad that Reo chose to come with him on this trip, honestly. He knows that the man had been somewhat conflicted, not wanting to leave his sister so soon after giving birth to his niece, but he’d not even hesitated a second to agree to come, when Lu Ten had brought up the idea. (“I will always support you, Yu. No matter what.”) He doesn’t know what he would have done had Reo chosen not to follow him. He’d be a lot more stressed out, for one. Terrified, most likely. It’s good that he’s here, he knows. He just hopes that he isn’t dragging the poor man into yet another dramatic reunion with a family member. He was sure there is only so much of that a man can take. 

His attention is brought back to the conversation as Reo snorts, giving him a playful glare. 

“How is it this hot here? I swear to Kyoshi, this heat is oppressing me. It’s nearly winter! It shouldn’t be so damn hot! I don’t know how you managed to spend sixteen years here, Yu, I truly don’t,” Reo claims, shaking his head in mock disgust. Or maybe real disgust, honestly. He can’t really tell. He can’t help the soft snort of laughter that he lets out at the words, shrugging casually. 

“I told you it’s hot. Not my fault you didn’t believe me,” he chides, smirking at the indignant look his boyfriend gives him. They conversation is cut short as his father exits the ship, his grin wide as he looks over towards the palace, which can be seen off in the distance. This trip of theirs is an unofficial one, since they didn’t want to reveal too much about the situation in a letter, so they had to use the main dock instead of the Fire Palace’s private one. As such, they do not have any crowd waiting for them, giving them the luxury of personal space. However, they’re also farther away from their destination than they would have been had they used the private docks. He isn’t sure if that is a good thing or not. 

“Ah, it is good to be home!” his father comments, genuinely looking like he means the words. Lu Ten nods slowly, eyes critical as he looks around at the nation that he once called home. 

It’s... well, different. Less oppressive, for one. He doesn’t know how to describe it, as it doesn’t visibly look too different, most of the buildings looking the same, but the feeling in the air has changed dramatically. The main thing he remembers from his home was the feeling of pressure and the charged energy that came from years of being at war. 

Now, the feeling is completely different. It’s looser, more forgiving. He watches as young children run around the dock, laughing with happiness as they chased one another around. Their mothers and fathers weren’t stopping them, either, just watched indulgently with smiles. Such a sight wouldn’t have been possible when he’d been a child. No parent allowed their child so close to the docks, not when they were constantly packed with warships and soldiers coming back and shipping out to the war front. It’s the first taste he’s gotten of the war truly being over, here in the Fire Nation. He’s sure that, as time goes on, these docks will be full of laughing children and chatting adults, the memory of war and suffering a forgotten one. The tightness in his chest grows as he has visual proof that the war is over and that things are starting to improve. Not that he had thought it wouldn’t be, but, well. Seeing is believing, and all. 

“Yeah,” he says after several moments have passed, smiling softly. “It’s good to be back.” 

The journey to the palace is a quiet one, Reo fidgeting in the back of the carriage his father had organized to pick them up, fretting over how to act around his cousin (“do I bow? Should I have dressed nicer? Oh, spirits, is there something specific I have to say on meeting him?”). Lu Ten, however, is fretting for a different reason. Well. Many different reasons. 

Mainly, he is worried about meeting his cousin again after so long. His father has sent numerous letters to Zuko, saying that he had big news to tell him the next time they saw one another, and he has always alluded to the fact he was planning to come to visit soon, so it’s not like Zuko will be completely in the dark. But he‘s starting to wonder if maybe it wouldn’t have been better to just send the information in a letter. If Zuko will be angry that he wasn’t told earlier, or if he’ll resent being left in the dark so long. He also wonders if Zuko will hate him, for having left in the first place. But he’s been wondering that for years now, so that’s nothing new. 

As their carriage moves forward, he forces himself to take a deep breath and let it out. He knows that there is nothing else he can do about this at the moment, so there is no point in working himself into a panic. And while he does love his cousin, he has to admit that this isn’t as bad as when he met with his father again. If his cousin rejects him, yes it will hurt, but he doesn’t think it would utterly destroy him. Not like if his father had, at least. Plus, he knows he has his father on his side this time and, from what he’s been told, Zuko greatly respects the man. That would likely work in his favor, then. Right? Well. Hopefully. 

He listens absently as his father assures his boyfriend that Zuko will not be a stickler for decorum and that he just has to be himself, doing his best to calm himself as they get closer and closer to the palace. Only time will tell what happens next. 

It’s several minutes later that the carriage finally stops, the atmosphere inside mildly charged as the trio looks at one another, waiting for someone to move. As he has come to expect, it’s his father who breaks the moment, a wide grin on his face as he opens the carriage door and steps out. 

“Ah, we’ve arrived! It will be good to see Fire Lord Zuko again. I will go tell the palace guards that we have arrived. Please, feel free to relax until my return.”

With that, his father walks away to the palace gates, where he begins to talk to the guards on duty. He smiles as he sees the guards visibly brighten, the two men clearly happy to see his father. 

“Well, we might as well settle in. This is going to take a while,” he half jokes, grinning at his boyfriend. The smile fades somewhat as he sees the concerned look that is currently being shot his way. 

“Hey. You doing alright? You were pretty quiet on the ride over. Just wanted to check in,” Reo claims, a frown pulling his lips downward. It’s almost funny, honestly. The man has been asking him variations of that question at least three times a day since they left the Earth Kingdom the week prior. He isn’t annoyed by the questioning, even though answering the same thing is getting a bit tiresome, and instead chooses to find it sweet. In response, he just shrugs, looking at the palace that had once been his home. 

“I’m doing alright. It’s just strange, being back here after all this time. I never thought I’d see this place again, honestly. And I am a bit concerned over meeting with Zuko- or should I say Fire Lord Zuko- but, uh... I think I’m doing okay. For now, at least. Thanks for asking, but you don’t have to worry. I’ll let you know if things get too much. Promise.” 

He watches as Reo shrugs, a sheepish expression rising on his face. 

“Yeah, I know, darling. I can’t help feeling concerned. I’m kind of out of my depth here and if there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s being supportive. It’s, like... my defining trait,” Reo claims, grinning widely as he winks. Lu Ten laughs, shaking his head. 

“And I love that about you, dear. But I’ll be okay. I’ve had time to prepare. And I have both you and my father on my side. What will happen, will happen. I can’t hide from this, not anymore.” 

And that’s true. He’s spent more than enough time hiding from reality. He’s ready to move on and fix the mistakes of his past. For better or for worse. 

After that, they fall silent as they wait for his father to come back, though Reo holds out his hand and Lu Ten takes it gratefully. 

Eventually, after almost ten minutes pass, his father returns, a smile bright on his face as he beckons them to follow him. 

“Good news! Fire Lord Zuko is currently busy in a meeting, but he has said that we can wait in the main sitting room until he is done. This will give us some time to settle in and have a nice cup of tea. Come, follow me. The guards will send someone to put our stuff away,” his father explains. 

Lu Ten shares a glance with his boyfriend, before shrugging and exiting the carriage. Part of him is relieved that he has more time to compose himself before the meeting, while another part is dreading having to wait even longer, the tension that coils within him growing tighter and tighter the more time that passes. There’s nothing to be done about it, however, so he just follows his father as the man chatters about this and that, Reo following behind and asking questions about the history of the palace. 

The palace is about the same as he remembers it, he thinks as he passes by corridors that were once as familiar to him as the back of his hand, the corridors and hallways almost completely unchanged by time. However, while it’s been over a decade since he has last been here, he can still pick out the differences like a sore thumb. 

For one, it seems... brighter, somehow. Which is ridiculous, the Fire Palace was always kept well lit, both by fire and by natural sunlight. But as he looks around, walking through old halls filled with childhood memories, he can’t help but to notice the brightness of the once familiar palace. Like a darkness has been lifted between the time he’d last been here and now. It makes something in him settle to see. 

Another difference is the staff, though that one obviously makes sense since it has been a decade. But it’s less the individual staff members that have changed, and more like the attitudes of the staff that are different. He recalls the staff being almost terrified when he’d been a child, afraid of what would happen to them if they did something wrong. They’d seemed almost like ghosts to him, specters that were there, but not really. 

Now, however, the staff looks almost happy, two young women standing in the hallway and chattering about this and that. Lu Ten had almost stopped in his tracks in astonishment at the sight, knowing that nothing like that would have been possible when he’d been young, the women being punished so severely for being idle that no servant would dare make the same folly again. It’s refreshing and relieving, truth be told, to notice this change. 

The third main difference he notes is less physical and more... emotional. Atmospheric. It’s hard for him to describe, even to himself, but it’s like the vibe of the palace has changed from rancid and vile, unwelcoming and harsh, to warm and comfortable, friendly and playful. It’s very strange to feel, but he knows that a difference is there. 

For one, he remembers walking in these halls as a child and feeling unwelcome, even the tapestries seeming to glare at him, like they were judging him for his entire existence. Now, he feels lighter, less coiled, even with the anxiety in his chest. People, when they look at him, aren’t glaring or blank, but friendly and even respectful. He doesn’t think any of them recognize him, as long as it has been, but they recognize his father and show him the same respect they show the older man. It’s probably sad that being treated with courtesy is so strange to him that it’s such a big difference from his childhood. 

For another thing, he also remembers the war hanging over the entire palace, like a beast prowling outside the palace walls. No matter where he had gone as a child, that presence was all around, filling the space with darkness and pain. That presence is gone now, and the difference is one that he can almost physically feel. It’s strange, but also very relieving. To think that only a handful of months after the end of the war have created such a profound change in the Fire Palace itself gives him hope for the future that his cousin is leading. 

As they get closer and closer to their destination, he tries to hold onto this feeling, and not the pit of unease that begins to fill him at the realization that he’s truly back here, after so long. Not even all the changes in the world can erase the pain he’s faced inside this palace. 

When they finally get to the sitting room, Lu Ten is already starting to feel overwhelmed by it all. So much has changed, but so much more has stayed the same. The feelings within him are very conflicted and he is uncertain what to do with himself as he takes a hesitant seat on a plush couch, his father talking pleasantly with a guard. He feels more than sees Reo sit beside him, his own eyes somewhat glazed as he recalls the memories he has about this place. The hours he’d sit in this room with tutors who barely tolerated him, not wanting to waste time with the non-bending Fire Prince. The weeks he’d spend waiting for a letter from his father, heart aching for the man as he fought in the war. The months he’d spend pacing back and forth, frustration mounting as he tried to think of ways to prove himself once and for all. The years he’d spent silently hurting, wondering why nothing he did seemed to be enough. 

He starts when he feels a hand brush his own, his eyes meeting concerned ones beside him. 

“I know you are getting tired of me asking this, but are you okay, Yu?” 

He nods his head slowly, though he isn’t sure how true that is. In all of his worries about coming back to the Fire Nation, this somehow wasn’t one of them. It seems that, over the many years, he’d forgotten just how challenging things had been for him in his youth. Still, he isn’t sure how to explain himself without fumbling over his words, so he just nods and shrugs, trying to smile for his boyfriend, but doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t know what he’d say, honestly. 

He watches with dispassionate eyes as his father stands and heads for the tea pot in the corner, chattering as he goes about the history of the palace to Reo. He hears Reo ask questions, keeping up with the appearance of normalcy, though he can also hear the concern in his boyfriend’s words. He wishes he were able to snap out of it and assure him that he’s fine. No matter how he tries, however, he can’t quite shake the unease in his heart.

He does accept the cup of tea his father offers him, however, with a grateful smile. He takes a deep breath of the steaming cup and notes that it is a pleasant cup of rooibos tea with a hint of a sharp citrus and something spicy. It’s a surprisingly pleasant blend, one that he savors as he sips, allowing the tea to help calm his nerves. It doesn’t completely work, but it helps somewhat. He smiled weakly at his father, nodding his thanks. 

“So, uh. How are we going to do this? Is the Fire Lord- I mean, your cousin- going to walk in and see you, or is he going to be intercepted before arriving, or... what? What’s the best course of action here?” Reo questions a minute later, his teacup empty beside him as he looks anxiously between the occupants of the room.

Lu Ten frowns at the question, as he’s been wondering the same thing. What would be the best way to go about this? He honestly doesn’t know and keeps flip-flopping on his decision. No matter what, there are so many ways this could go poorly, and he isn’t sure the best way to go about it, despite the fact he’s been thinking about it for months now. He just doesn’t know his cousin well enough anymore to truly know. 

His father hums softly, a contemplative look on his face as he gets up to pour Reo some more tea, ever the gratuitous host, even though he’s technically a guest in the palace now. 

“That is hard to say, Reo. If I know my nephew, there is no way of truly knowing how he will take the news, regardless of how it is presented. He is a very passionate young man who has been hurt greatly by many of the people who should have loved him most,” his father explains, a sadness in his eyes. “I think the kindest thing would be for me to speak with him first and help prepare him, rather than completely blindside him. Such a thing would just upset him, I fear. I will not tell him everything, but just enough to have him not feel overwhelmed upon hearing the news. I have requested for the guards to inform us when he is on his way, so I may speak with him before he enters. After all, when approaching a lizard-swan, it is best to keep them calm and aware, so as to not startle them and force them to defend themselves.” 

Lu Ten nods slowly at his father’s response,  having figured that might be their best bet. His father knows Zuko the best and he would know how to prepare his cousin for the news. While his proverbs and metaphors are sometimes baffling, he is a very wise and calming man. He’ll be able to help his cousin prepare. He hopes. 

After that, the room descends into silence, his father sipping his tea calmly while Reo twists his hands and bites his lip, his nerves clear to see. Lu Ten grabs his hand to help settle him, smiling gently at the man who is clearly out of his depth. Reo smiles gratefully back, but he says nothing and just continues to sit silently, his hand a warm and comforting presence in his own. 

As for him, Lu Ten does his best to calm his racing heart, knowing that any minute now his cousin will arrive, allowing him to see the teen for the first time in over a decade. He’s seen drawing of him, ones his father had brought with him to the Earth Kingdom, as well as the ones depicted on various posters detailing the new Fire Lord, but drawings have nothing on seeing someone in the flesh. He knows that his cousin is scarred, but he hopes that he can contain his reaction upon seeing it up close. Even seeing it in drawings had infuriated him, his heart burning with hatred towards his uncle, and he doesn’t want Zuko to mistake his anger for disgust. That’s the last thing he wants. Nor does he want to show any sorrow, not wanting Zuko to mistake that for pity. But even ignoring the scar, he knows it will be strange to see the teen again, considering the last time he’d seen his cousin had been when he had been five. He’ll have to be careful to keep his expression neutral, lest he offend or hurt his cousin before he even opens his mouth. It’s a daunting feat and as the minutes pass slowly, he wonders if he’ll be able to succeed or not. 

It’s about ten minutes later that the door finally opens, a guard standing in the doorway with a small smile on his face. 

“His majesty is on his way, General Iroh. He says he will be here in a few minutes, as he is getting out of his formal robes,” the man explains, bowing to his father respectfully. His father beams, nodding to the guard in response. 

“Ah, thank you, my friend! I will wait for my nephew outside, then. Please excuse me, Lu Ten, Reo,” his father says, getting to his feet calmly. Lu Ten says nothing, just watches as his father exits the room with a pit forming in his gut. Ah. This is it, then. A few short minutes and he’ll be face to face with the cousin he’d practically abandoned years prior. 

He remembers the letters they had sent one another while he’d been away in the war, as few as he was able to spare time for, the boy telling him how much he missed him and how he wished he would return soon. He doesn’t know how Zuko had taken the news of his death, since his father had been dealing with his own grief at the time and hadn’t been there when the news had been broken, but he doesn’t think it would have been positively. Azula, perhaps, but Zuko? He highly doubts it. While his father has been able to look passed the hurt and pain he’s caused and sees his return as a wondrous thing, he has no idea if Zuko- who has faced so much pain at the hands of family members, both intentionally and unintentionally- will be able to do the same. 

In a way, there is a higher likelihood of this meeting going poorly than the one when he’d met up with his father, though he must admit that the stakes are lowered somewhat. After all, as he’s said, if Zuko rejects him now, it will definitely hurt, he has no doubt about that. However, had his father rejected him, it would have destroyed him completely. So, this meeting, while having a higher likelihood of going wrong, isn’t as vital to his existence as the one with his father had been. He tries to find some comfort in this thought, even though it’s not the most comforting thought in the world. 

To help keep his mind occupied, he spends the minutes thinking through how he’s going to go about telling Zuko all the things he has to tell. Part of him thinks it would be best to space out the revelations, as it might overwhelm the teen to hear everything at once. Another part of him thinks, much like with his father, it might be best to lay everything out on the table and let Zuko process it all at once, instead of dragging it out and giving another blow right after the teen had just recovered from the last one. He knows that he can’t keep anything hidden, knows that that’s not fair to anyone, least of all himself.

However, while his father was able to process the barrage of information easily, he was older than his cousin and had more practice processing a great deal of information all at once. While Zuko was the Fire Lord, and likely had to deal with an influx of information on a daily basis, he was also only sixteen. There was no way of saying how he’d deal with all of the news, one way or another. Either way had their downfalls, and he supposes he’ll just have to play it by ear. Good thing he’s always been good at thinking on his toes and rolling with the punches when they came.

About four minutes pass before anything happens. He turns his head towards the door when the faint found of voices filters through the wooden door, loud enough to hear the tone and cadence of the voice, but not quite loud enough to make out individual words. One of the voices is one he recognizes immediately as his father’s, the familiar tone loud and boisterous, and very happy. The other, however, is not familiar to him at all. It is raspy and dry, but distinctly masculine. It also sounds happy and overly fond, replying to his father quickly and happily. He feels his heart speed up as he realizes it’s likely his cousin’s voice that he is hearing, far different from the childish voice he distantly remembers. Agni, this really is it. 

He stares at the door for what feels like an eternity, listening as the unfamiliar voice grows uncertain and confused as it replies to his father, the person it belongs to clearly confused by whatever his father is saying. He tries not to let this be a harbinger of doom, and does the deep breathing exercises his father had taught him when he’d been young to calm his racing heart. He removes his hand from Reo’s and laces his hands together, preparing himself for what is to come. He doesn’t know how Reo is doing, as focused as he is on keeping himself calm. He’ll have to apologize to his boyfriend later, but right now, he can’t spare even a single second worrying about the man. He’s sure Reo understands. 

Finally, after an eternity passes, the door opens slowly, almost as if time itself has slowed down to a crawl. Lu Ten stares at the doorway, his body rising absently from his chair and his heart racing a mile a minute as he realizes this is it. This is what they’ve travelled all these miles for. What he’s waited over a decade for. Agni, give him strength. 

Another eternity passes as the door creaks open, until finally it is open wide, the smiling face of his father appearing, though his eyes are tight. Lu Ten doesn’t have time to wonder what that means when another figure steps in, this one taller and leaner than his father’s, wearing casual yet rich Fire Nation robes. His face is clearly young, no older than a teenager. Lu Ten lets his eyes wander over the newcomer, heart racing as he does. He can see that his hair is up in a top knot, the flame crown he recognizes as having once been his grandfather’s resting above it. His eyes are bright gold- ones he remembers from a face far younger and more innocent- and are filled with curiosity as they dart around the room, head tilted as he searches for something. His lips are tilted upward and partially open, the voice he heard from behind the door spilling from them, much clearer now. 

The most distinctive feature, however, that he can’t help but draw his eyes to is the large scar that covers the left half of the teenager’s face. This, more than anything, brings him back to reality as he is painfully reminded who this is, his heart aching as he thinks of what horror this boy must have faced to have received such a horrific scar. His ears pick up the words that are being spoken, even though it takes a moment for his brain to process what is being said. 

“Uncle, what is the surprise you mentioned? As happy as I am to see you, I don’t have much time to talk, there is a meeting with the Water Tribe Ambassador scheduled soon and I must be there when he-“ 

Whatever else the teenager is about to say is cut off as golden eyes finally meet his own, the right one widening dramatically while the scarred one remains a slit. The mouth tumbles open and he watches with a morbid humor as it opens and closes again and again, the teen clearly at a loss, eyes darting quickly over to his father and then back again. Lu Ten would say something to ease the tension that is suffocating the room, but he finds it hard to speak when his throat is as thick as honey. 

“Wait. I... hold on. I know you. You... but how? Uncle, what-“ the teen before him questions, voice cutting off abruptly as he looks over towards his father, face deadly pale and eyes full of confusion and pain. The pained expression cuts through the haze that has descended over him and he clears his throat as he takes a step forward, faltering when the teen takes a half step back, good eye impossibly wide. He doesn’t let that stop him, though, and instead takes a deep breath as he gives the teen a shaky smile, hand raised in a half greeting. 

“Hey, uh, cuz. It’s been a while.” 

The world seems to hold its breath for a long moment as his cousin stares at him, the teen’s chest still as he looks at him with an almost terrified expression on his deathly pale face. He has no time to say anything else, though, because a half second later he watches in horror as his cousin falls to the ground, hitting it with a loud thunk. He stares for a half second more, before rushing forward, his mind panicking over the unconscious boy before him. 

Well. That could have gone better. 

Chapter Text

~~~We were young enough to sign
Along the dotted line
(To build a better life)
(To build a better life)~~~

It takes Zuko several minutes to come around, his father fretting over the boy as his eyes finally blink open, hazy with confusion and uncertainty. They have placed the teen on the couch he and Reo had previously been seated at, while he and Reo stand back, near the edge of the room. His father had said it might be best to give Zuko some space as he processes everything. Now he just watches, heart freezing in his chest, as his cousin half sits, frowning at his father with confusion. 

“Uncle? What... what happened? I... ow,” Zuko says, wincing as he presses a hand to the back of his head. His hair is still up in the top knot, though his crown has been removed and sits beside him on the coffee table. Zuko’s eyes dart to it, his one eyebrow furrowed deeply. “I don’t understand. I remember... but no, that’s impossible. He... Uncle...”

Lu Ten watches as his father hushes the teen, reaching a gentle hand out and resting it carefully on a thin shoulder. 

“The world is a mysterious and wonderful place, my nephew. Things that seem impossible can occur, even when you least expect it,” his father reassures, though Lu Ten can see that the words don’t do their job. If anything, Zuko seems more confused than ever. 

“What? Uncle, what does that even mean? I just...” Zuko trails off as he looks around the room, eyes narrowed as he seems to search for something. Lu Ten feels his heart stop when those golden eyes land on him, worried that his cousin will faint again. At least this time he’s on a soft surface, but that still can’t be good for him. 

Luckily, while Zuko still seems very shocked, he doesn’t look like he’s about to faint again. He does frown as he stares, though, shaking his head in confusion. 

“Uncle. Is that... how? I don’t understand. He... he died. Didn’t he? I mean, sorry, I-“ Zuko cuts himself off again, a sound of frustration escaping his lips. He sits up fully, then, and stares directly at Lu Ten, an evaluating look on his face. No one says anything for a long minute, though he can see that his father wants to say something but holds himself back. 

“You... you’re Lu Ten. Yes? How are you here? Are you a spirit?” his cousin eventually asks, sitting ramrod straight. Lu Ten shakes his head slowly, biting his lip as he considers what to say. In all of his preparation, this outcome was never one he’d considered. 

“No, I’m not. I mean, I am Lu Ten. Your, uh. Cousin. I mean, General Iroh is my father. I’m not a spirit, though. In fact, I... I never died. I was living in the Earth Kingdom. In Ba Sing Se,” he claims, voice unsteady and uncertain. He feels off kilter now, all his plans out the window. He’s good at thinking on his feet usually, but now his brain feels all slow and lethargic. It’s useless to him now. 

He can only watch as Zuko shakes his head, looking very perplexed. When Zuko tries to stand, his father looks concerned, his hands reaching out to help, but his cousin just shakes his head sharply, lips turned down in a frown. The room falls silent as Zuko slowly stalks around the coffee table and towards him, their eyes not breaking contact for a second. When Zuko stops before him, they stand eye to eye, roughly the same height. 

“If you are Lu Ten, then why are you here now? After all this time... and why would you have left? The cousin I knew wouldn’t have abandoned his family or his country. He never would have left the war to hide in Ba Sing Se like a coward. So whatever you are, you... you can’t be my cousin,” Zuko rasps, eyes hard as he glares daggers towards him. Lu Ten feels his eyes widen at the accusation, his heart skipping a beat at the outcome he never could have predicted. He has no time to stammer anything out before Zuko continues, voice hard and tinged with a darkness no teenager should have, the idea clearly taking root in his mind and growing fast. “How dare you come here, tricking my Uncle into believing your lies? Using his son against him... do you even know what Lu Ten’s death did to him?! I won’t let you hurt him anymore. Whatever game you are playing, it ends now.” 

Lu Ten doesn’t have time to react before he feels heat radiate from the figure before him. He hears a gasp beside him, but he doesn’t have the ability to worry about Reo, the man a tense line beside him. Unconsciously, he slides into one of the earth bending positions Reo’s father had taught him. He doesn’t want to fight his cousin, of course he doesn’t! But he also can’t just let him continue along this path. 

This motion seems to make Zuko angrier, his teeth bared as he raises a hand full of fire and aims it towards his chest. It’s sadly not the first time he’s had to face such a thing, but it never gets easier to deal with. 

Before anything can happen, he sees movement from the corner of his eye and watches as Zuko is pulled back, the fire in his hand snuffed out quickly. 

“Fire Lord Zuko, that is enough! I know you are confused, but please, let us explain before threatening my son,” his father exclaims, his eyes alight in concern and agitation. Zuko gives the man a wide-eyed look, jerking his arm back from the hand that is now restraining him. 

“But Uncle, that... it can’t be your son. He-he... Lu Ten died. Almost seven years ago. I-I’m sorry, Uncle, but that can’t be him. It just... it can’t be. He’s tricking you, somehow, and he has to be stopped. I...” Zuko trails off yet again, turning his golden eyes to glare at him again, a hatred within them that reminds him chillingly of his uncle. He hates the comparison between the two and dismisses it immediately. “You can’t be Lu Ten. That position is an earth bending one. I recognize it from my friend Toph. Lu Ten wasn’t an earth bender, so tell me who in the world you are, or else I’ll send you to the Boiling Rock for interrogation.”

“Zuko, stop this!” his father exclaims, shaking his head sharply with a look of intense frustration on his aged face. Before he can say anything else, Lu Ten holds up a hand, knowing that this is something he has to do. After all, he completely understands now why Zuko is so upset. He would be too, if he thought that someone was trying to hurt his father in such a way. 

“Father, please. I can handle this,” he says to his father gently, before turning careful eyes back to Zuko, who looks somehow angrier. Strangely, the sight makes him smile, as he recalls the look on his cousin’s face when he was a child, so full of determination and indignation he’d had a hard time not laughing. He knows it won’t help here and will probably make Zuko angrier, like it did back then, but he can’t help it. He speaks then, voice soft, trying his best to get through to his hot-headed cousin. 

“Zuko, I know you don’t believe me. And I understand why. There is a lot that I’ve kept hidden over the years, and I understand if you can’t ever forgive me for what I’ve done. But I can promise you that I am your cousin. And I can prove it, if you’ll let me.”

He watches Zuko with calm eyes that hide the way his heart is racing, watching his cousin as his eyes narrow again, scowl growing on his face. 

“How can you prove that, you liar?” Zuko hisses, jerking against his father again, but not as harshly as he had before. In fact, unless he is mistaken, Zuko looks less angry than he had. The confusion is back, and while there is still anger in his expression, he does seem to be listening, at least. That thought gives him hope and he quickly answers, his mind calling up a memory that might prove his identity. 

“Zuko, do you remember when you were younger, how frustrated you would get with your bending? You’d spend hours trying and would never meet the goals you had set out for yourself, even at the age of four,” he begins, the corners of his mouth tilting up as he remembers the determination on the child’s face, never giving up no matter how hard it got. He can see Zuko looks annoyed at the reminder, so he quickly continues. “Well, I remember watching you and thinking that maybe it would help if you were able to learn another form of fighting, and so I suggested that perhaps you could learn sword fighting, like I had. I was afraid you’d get upset with me, thinking I was being condescending, but instead you just looked ecstatic, like it was the best idea ever.”

Lu Ten pauses here, having to swallow the lump that forms in his throat as he remembers how relieved he’d been, seeing the bright and happy look enter his cousin’s eyes at the suggestion. He doesn’t pause long, seeing that Zuko is still not convinced. Not that he expected him to be, not just yet. 

“Soon after that, after my father vouched for you to our grandfather, you began training with Piandao, while I was instructed to observe your training. I still remember how excited you were, practically bouncing to learn how to fight,” like me, he adds mentally, his heart clenching at the sweet memory. “You quickly grasped the concepts you were shown, training with a sword coming much more naturally for you, it seemed.” 

He pauses again and swallows the lump again, his eyes growing misty as he thinks of the memory that is one of the best from his childhood. 

“And I remember the day you finally mastered a move that had been evading you for a couple weeks, the way your eyes had lit up and you ran over to me, excitement contagious. I lifted you in my arms and swung you around, telling you how proud I was while you laughed. After that, I took you to that dessert shop you always adored, down in the city, sneaking out passed the guards. We stayed there for hours, sharing sticky treats, laughing at the stories we told one another. It... it was one of the best days of my life, up to that point.” 

And he means that, truly. The feeling of pride he’d had at his cousin, the rush of adrenaline as they’d snuck passed the guards out of the palace so they could do what they wanted without worrying about their guards stopping them, the happiness at eating sweets and telling stories to his cousin, listening as the young boy shrieked with laughter... for once, not feeling like an outsider, like he didn’t belong... yeah. It had been a very good day and it is a memory that he still treasures greatly. He looks up as he hears his cousin speak, voice hesitant and confused, eyebrow furrowed deeply. 

“W-we were certain that we’d get caught on our way back in, even as quiet as we were. But... but the only one who caught us was Uncle. I-I was sure we’d get in trouble, but you had just grinned, telling him about my triumph. He laughed and told us that our secret was safe with him. I... I remember that. But... how do you...” Zuko rasps, eyes darting up to look him directly in the eyes, searching for something. He just stands there, still as a statue, and lets his cousin look. After a minute, Zuko shakes his head again, but this time he can see tears filling the golden eyes, though the teen tries to blink them away. “It can’t be... Lu?” 

His heart squeezes tightly at the uncertain lilt to his cousin’s voice, reminding him so much of the child he’d once been that it almost hurts. Unable to stop himself, he raises a hand and grasps his cousin’s shoulder tightly, the tears in his own eyes threatening to fall as he smiles widely at the teen. 

“I know this is all confusing, Zuko, but I promise I will explain. Can we sit, maybe, so I can tell you the whole story?” 

He watches with relief as Zuko nods jerkily, a dazed and confused expression on his face. He no longer looks angry, though, which he considers a good thing. Slowly, Lu Ten walks them over to the couch they’d previously been sitting at, taking a careful seat. Zuko follows, footsteps faltering, but he eventually makes it over and takes a seat beside him, still looking very out of it.

Lu Ten looks over to his father and boyfriend, who have yet to move, and sees tear tracks on his father’s lined face. Before he can ask if he’s alright, his father smiles brightly, and grabs Reo’s arm. Lu Ten feels bad for his boyfriend, the man being thrown into his family’s drama yet again, but the man doesn’t look upset. He just looks worried, like usual. 

“We will give you two some space, my son. Take as long as you need.”

With that, his father and boyfriend exit the room, leaving him alone with his cousin. He isn’t sure Zuko even realizes that they’re alone now, as dazed as he looks. It’s such a reversal of his reunion with his father than he almost wants to laugh. He reigns it in, though, and clears his throat, startling the teen before him, Zuko turning wide eyes towards him. It makes him ache inside to see the uncertainty and pain in those golden eyes, but there’s nothing he can do about that now. All he can do is try and explain and hope that his words can ease some of that hurt. 

“Alright. I, uh. Guess I should start at the beginning, then. The truth, finally, and the whole of it,” he says slowly, before diving into his tale. 

It’s no less challenging the second time. 

Like when he told his father this tale, he doesn’t quite know how much time passes before he finally finishes, his throat dry and aching as he tells his tale. Through his story, true to his word, he doesn’t hold anything back, telling the truth as he knows it. He talks about his uncertainty of being a solider, about his regret and hatred for taking lives in the name of the Fire Nation. He talks about how he’d learned he was an earth bender and how it had terrified him to think about what would happen if anyone found out. He talks about the plan he’d come up with, shame filling him as he confesses how he had faked his death. All the things he’s kept hidden for years, he lets out, hoping that his cousin is able to process it all and that he isn’t just making things worse. 

He even tells Zuko about his relationship with Reo, which earns him a startled look, but nothing else. In fact, looking back, that had been the only reaction Zuko had really shown throughout the entire tale. For the most part, he’d just listened, eyes narrow and a soft frown pulling down his lips. He didn’t look upset, though. Just... contemplative. 

As silence returns to the room, Lu Ten looks at his cousin with hesitant eyes. He wants to say something more, wants to beg forgiveness, wants to ask what Zuko is thinking, but he holds back. He waits with bated breath and allows Zuko the luxury of being able to process on his own time. 

The seconds pass slowly as he waits for the verdict, his hands fiddling in his lap as he waits. Finally, after what feels like a century, Zuko looks at him, a mysterious emotion swirling within his eyes, with a determined expression on his face. 

“Okay. Okay. So, I... I guess I believe you. That you’re... that you’re my cousin. But I... I just... I don’t understand one thing. I just... why did you leave, Lu Ten? Why hide from us? Did you not think we had a right to know you were alive? Did you... did you think we wouldn’t care?”

Lu Ten feels his heart clench at the hesitant words, at the vulnerable look on his cousin’s face. He’s glad, then, that his father and boyfriend had given them the space to talk alone. This is a conversation that should be held in private. Still, he isn’t sure how to broach the topic, as delicate as it is. He can’t bear the thought of hurting his cousin. Not again. 

“No, Zuko. That’s not it, not at all. I just... I couldn’t stay. Not after learning the truth. I knew that grandfather wouldn’t approve. He barely tolerated me as it was, when I was just a non-bender. If he had learned I was an earth bender... well. I didn’t want to learn what he would have done. And I knew what your father was like, what he’d do to get power. I guess... well, I guess I just thought it would be safer for us all if I... if I weren’t around, not anymore. And I know now that there were other options I could have taken, other routes available to me. Things that would have been better, kinder. Smarter. It just... it had seemed like the best option available to me, at the time.”

He pauses here and weighs the words he is about to say. He knows what he wants to say, but he has to word it carefully, or else he might just make things worse. After a moment, he continues, his voice strong with a steady passion beneath it, his eyes staring straight into his cousin’s intently. He doesn’t want Zuko to mistake him. Not at all.

“But Zuko, know that it had nothing to do with you. One of the hardest parts of making my choice was that I’d have to leave you. And I understand if you can’t forgive me, and I won’t try and guilt you otherwise. But please, please know that I am so proud of the man you have become. So very, very proud. And I regret not being there to see you become that man, and for not being there for you all these years. That might honestly be my biggest regret.”

As he finishes his words, he watches as Zuko breaks eye contact and stares at the floor, cheeks a dusty pink as he retreats into his robes, looking so much like the child he remembers that he has to catch his breath. He is reminded then just how painfully young his cousin is. Barely even sixteen and he has the weight of the world on his shoulders. Agni, he’s still a child, isn’t he? It makes his chest ache to think of it, sorrow filling him as he thinks of the childhood that was robbed from the boy before him. So young to have faced so much struggle and strife. 

And yet, Lu Ten thinks, a soft smile rising on his lips, Zuko never let it break him. Here he is, the Fire Lord at just sixteen, the youngest in centuries, fixing problems his ancestors had foisted off on him with more grace than many adults had. Agni, he is so proud of this boy it makes him ache inside. 

“I don’t blame you for leaving,” he hears a soft voice call, bringing his attention back to the present. He looks at his cousin, who is looking up again, a determined look on his face replacing the shy one from moments before. “I know it wasn’t easy for you, here. I never really noticed it much at the time, naive as I was, but looking back I realize how badly you were treated. The cruel comments and looks people would give you. And I understand why you’d want to leave that, especially since it would have only gotten worse, if people knew the truth. So... I mean, I get it.”

It is Zuko’s turn to pause, the boy looking across the room with a distant look in his eyes, like he’s remembering something from the past, something vitally important. Lu Ten finds himself holding his breath unconsciously, tension filling him as he waits to see what his cousin will say next. As he waits to see what his verdict is. 

Almost a full minute passes, the anxiety within him mounting with every second that goes by, before Zuko looks back, a small smile on his lips, an expression that makes him appears years younger. Like the child he still, impossibly, is. 

“And you don’t have to worry about asking forgiveness from me. I get it. You had your own things to worry about and were just trying to protect us the best you could. And I don’t blame you for it. I... I did miss you, though. And I’m glad you’re back.” 

Zuko looks uncertain as he finishes speaking, but before Lu Ten can worry about it, he feels arms wrap around his torso, a warm pressure pressing against his chest firmly. It takes him a second to realize what is happening, but once he does, he smiles brighter than the sun and wraps his arms around the teen before him, as tight as he can. The embrace doesn’t last long, his cousin pulling back a few seconds later with bright red cheeks, but he doesn’t mind. His father had told him that Zuko isn’t a big fan of physical affection anymore, so the fact that he even felt comfortable enough to hug him makes his heart soar. That, combined with the words... well. It was more than he could ever have hoped for. Zuko let’s out an awkward cough and lifts his hand to rub the back of his neck.  

“So, uh. Yeah. That’s, uh. It,” Zuko stumbles, the almost confident young man from a few minutes before melting away into an uncertain youth, looking highly uncomfortable with having been seen expressing emotions. Lu Ten has to fight to keep the amused grin off his face, not wanting his cousin to think he’s mocking him. Instead he clears his throat, his mood sobering as he contemplates how to respond to the teen. 

“Thank you, Zuko. That... it means a lot to me. I don’t know what’s gonna happen next, but I would like to stay in your life, if you’ll let me. Get to know the man you’ve become. My father speaks very highly of you, you know,” he claims, smiling softly at the bashful look Zuko gets at the compliment. He hesitates only a second before plowing on, taking a gamble but hoping it works out. “And I wanted to thank you, you know. For being there for him, while I was- uh. Gone. I can see how much he loves you, Zuko. In the past two months, at least half of what he talks about has been you. Leaving him was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but knowing he had you there to look after gives me peace of mind. So, thank you, truly.” 

The blush on Zuko’s face brightens even further, but rather than embarrassed, an almost horrified look passes the teen’s face, making him look vaguely nauseous. He isn’t sure why, but it’s clear that his words have upset his cousin, which makes him panic somewhat. Ah, shoot. That‘s not what he had wanted, not at all. 

He doesn’t get a chance to backtrack and stammer out an apology, though, as Zuko gives a sharp jerk of his head, the movement rigid and halting. His lips are pulled downward in a bitter frown that is full of a kind of pain no teenager should know, as he glares down at the hands he is clenching into tight fists in his lap. 

“No, I- don’t thank me. I wasn’t good to him. At all. He... Agni. I was horrible to him. I don’t know why he stayed so long,” Zuko confesses, his fists clenching tighter and his jaw growing tight. “All he ever did was try to help me and I would just yell at him or insult him. I was so disrespectful. He deserved so much better from me. So, don’t thank me. I didn’t do anything to deserve that.” 

The self-depreciating words tug at his heart, making him want to rush forward and wrap his cousin in his arms and take that pain away. However, he knows that doing that would likely just alienate Zuko, which he does not want. Instead, he reaches out a hand and gently grasps the teen’s shoulder, like his father would do with him, and looks him in the eye, careful to keep his expression open and gentle. He can see the fragile vulnerability in his cousin’s eye, and he knows he has to be careful with his words if he doesn’t want to hurt him. 

“But you did, Zuko. My father has always been a very caring man. You gave him someone to care for. Maybe you weren’t perfect, but neither was I. He loves you, Zuko, like he loves me. We’ve both hurt him in ways we can’t take back, but what we can do is move forward and do our best to show him the love he deserves now,” Lu Ten reassures, smiling gently. He then continues, knowing that he has to clarify on a point, lest Zuko mistake him. “And, for the record, you were there for him, Zuko, when he needed someone. He’s told me countless stories about your years together, and in all of them he would mention how proud he has always been of you, and how happy he is at how far you’ve come. At how glad he is that he was able to help you in your journey. You didn’t need to be perfect, Zuko, and you still don’t. He’s never expected you to be. You just had to be there, and to not send him away. And I’m sure if he were here, he’d have some profound proverb about how the most beautiful flower is the one that blooms during adversity, or something. I don’t know. It’s just... he loves you, Zuko. And I’m thankful that he had someone to love, who loved him back. And I’m thankful that that person is you. Do you understand?” 

He isn’t sure he understands, to be honest. Not fully. He just knows that he is glad that two of the most important people in his life had had each other when he had not able to be there for them. He’s just not entirely sure how to get Zuko to understand what he means. He feels like he’s failed to get his point across, sadly. It frustrates him to be at a lack of words, the feeling a pressure behind his ribs that always presents itself when he fails at something. 

And yet... seeing the wide eyed, almost wistful look he sees on his cousin’s face, he thinks that maybe he hasn’t failed as badly as he fears. He watches as Zuko looks down, his jaw working and his eyes darting back and forth as he seems to contemplate something. Lu Ten says nothing, just waits for Zuko to come to whatever conclusion he’s reaching, listening intently for the words that are brewing in his cousin’s head. His own insecurities could wait. 

In the end, Zuko only says four words, spoken in such a soft voice Lu Ten would have missed it if he hadn’t been paying such close attention. As it is, it takes him a second to comprehend the words, but when he does, it makes his heart clench again. 

“Do you mean that?” Zuko questions, such uncertainty and hope in his voice that it makes him want to storm into the Fire Nation prison and have some strong... let’s say words with his uncle. Because he knows the unspoken words that Zuko keeps hidden behind the simple question. Words of askance, asking if he means it that his father is grateful to have him in his life, both then and now. Maybe even words asking if he truly is loved as dearly as Lu Ten can see that he is. 

It’s the fact that Zuko truly cannot see that he is loved that gets to him most, and it is that that compels him to break his plan to keep his distance, his arms wrapping around his cousin before he can stop himself. He has never been the most physical person, preferring to give words of encouragement instead, but he’s spent enough time around his father and Reo (who are both very tactile) to have gained some of their urge to comfort through touch. He holds his breath as he waits to see if Zuko will reject the embrace or not. 

It seems like Zuko is also having that debate internally, his body stiff for a few moments as he determines if he will pull away or not. Lu Ten just stays still, his arms loose enough for Zuko to escape if he needs to, but tight enough to be secure. Part of him debates pulling back, himself, but he thinks it might be best to let Zuko make that call. 

Slowly, inch by inch, Zuko relaxes, his arms raising to return the embrace. His body is still rigid, but not uncomfortably so. He hopes. Still, Zuko doesn’t pull away, which he counts as a win. 

After Zuko is more comfortable, arms loose around his middle, Lu Ten speaks, voice soft once more, like he’s talking to a wild animal. Or to a traumatized child, because, in a way, he is. 

“Yes, Zuko. I meant what I said. Father loves you dearly, Zuko, as much as he loves me. And I have always seen you as more than just my little cousin. There were times, back when I was a solider, when the only thing I had to look forward to had been your letters. You are not perfect, but no one expects you to be. You’ve made mistakes, but so has everyone else. You deserve to be loved regardless. And you are. I promise you, you are.” 

As he speaks, he can feel Zuko relax more and more, until he is leaning almost fully against him, like a puppet whose strings have been cut. He can feel the teen shaking, but he doesn’t think it’s from tears. Just... from emotion, he supposes. He understands. He feels very similarly. 

He allows the room to fill with silence, the only sound being that of their breathing. Eventually, several moments later, Zuko pulls back, his cheeks pink but a soft smile lighting up his face. It suits him, Lu Ten thinks, smiling himself. 

Zuko then gets a sour look on his face, his expression freezing as he looks down, his fingers twitching anxiously. It concerns Lu Ten to see, but before he can question the sudden change in his cousin, Zuko clears his throat, his cheeks bright red but that determined look back in his eyes. 

“Thanks. But, I, uh. I have another question. You- you don’t have to answer, if it’s too personal, but I... uh. You mentioned, earlier. That man who was with you, um. Reo, I think you called him? You said he was, uh. Your... your, um. Boyfriend. R-right?” Zuko fumbles, his hands fiddling together in his lap, the teen looking mortified but still determined. Lu Ten looks at him carefully, moving quickly passed his shock at the abrupt change in topic, measuring his response. Zuko doesn’t look like he opposes it, but he honestly doesn’t know. Maybe he just can’t read his cousin as well as he used to, or maybe Zuko is just curious. He decides to be cautious and just nods slowly, shrugging his shoulders casually, like it’s no big deal, though he knows it kind of it. 

“I mean... yes? Is that... do you have a problem with that?” 

He hadn’t really meant to ask that question, but he finds that he means it, his heart clenching at the thought that his cousin might reject him for that, of all things. But as Zuko hurriedly shakes his head, his good eye wide and frantic, his heart settles. 

“No! No, not at all, I promise! Love is love, and all that. Mom... mom always told me that. I know that Father... I mean, Ozai... I know he wouldn’t approve. Which, honestly, makes me want to approve of it even more. If my father hated it, it must be something good,” Zuko explains, the words sounding almost like a joke despite their serious nature. It makes his heart hurt to know that Zuko had such a monster as his father, but he tries to not let it show and just smiles gratefully at his cousin, glad to have his support. He opens his mouth to say that but is cut off as Zuko clears his throat. The teen looks apologetic at cutting him off, but he doesn’t stop, either. 

“That- that wasn’t what I wanted to say, sorry. I mean, I meant it! Just. Uh...” Zuko flounders, looking so uncomfortable that he can’t help but feel it, too. He opens his mouth again to tell Zuko that it’s okay, he doesn’t mind being asked questions, when Zuko blurts out his words, the words coming out so fast he almost can’t catch them. “I just wanted to know how does it work? I mean, two guys, how... it... I...”

Lu Ten stares at his cousin with wide eyes, the words causing a bright flush to rise on his face, to his mortification. Okay, um. He, well. He had not expected that. Yes, he understood Zuko’s, uh... curiosity, but, well. He wasn’t quite sure he was the most qualified person to talk to Zuko about the gay birds and bees. Though, if not him, then who else? The topic was very taboo and was still technically illegal in the Fire Nation. He definitely hadn’t expected such a thing so soon after reuniting, though. At least Zuko was feeling more comfortable with him?

Before he can say anything, he is cut off, yet again, by his cousin, who is somehow even more red than he is, looking like he wants the world to open up and swallow him whole. If he weren’t so mortified, he’d feel annoyed at being cut off so often. As it stands, he’s just very confused and thinks that Zuko might be right there with him. 

“No! Not like that, Agni, I... I know that, I mean, kind of... I just meant, well... I... UGH!” Zuko exclaims, slamming his hand against his forehead in exasperation, so red that Lu Ten is actually starting to get concerned. Surely, a boy so pale should not be almost as red as a tomato? Realizing that he needs to put his own embarrassment aside to help his younger cousin, he reaches out a hand and places it tentatively on Zuko’s back, which is hunched as he hides his head in his palms. The teen jumps at the contact, looking at him with a kind of panicked desperation in his eyes. It tugs at his heart and he gently smiles at his cousin to show that it’s okay. He doesn’t mind. 

“Zuko, Zuko, calm down. It’s okay. I’m not upset. Just breathe, okay, Cuz? Take a deep breath and relax. Whatever you want to ask, I’ll answer, to the best of my ability. I don’t mind.” 

Zuko still looks very mortified, his top knot having come loose at some point and his long hair helping hide his face from view. But, after a moment, Zuko nods sharply and takes the deep breath he’d recommended, holding it for several seconds before letting it out again. After he does this several more times, he finally looks calm enough to ask the question that’s clearly embarrassing Zuko so much. He waits patiently for Zuko to gather up the courage to ask, trying his best to emulate his father’s calm and wise demeanor. He probably fails, but at least he tries.

Finally, several moments later, Zuko speaks. 

“I’m sorry. I just... I’ve never had anyone to ask this to. Uncle... well. I, uh. I just wanted to know, like... how do you know? I mean, how did you know? That you, uh. Liked him. Or, well. Loved him. How... how did you know that?” 

Lu Ten does his best to not react to the question, but it’s a hard thing. It was definitely not what he had been expecting. Or, maybe he’d been expecting something like that, people can’t help but be curious, but the way Zuko asked it... keeping his voice and expression neutral, but also encouraging, Lu Ten answers. 

“I mean... I guess I just knew. I’ve always known that I, uh. Liked guys better than girls. But Reo and I just, I don’t know. Clicked. He helped me a lot when I first started out my new life in Ba Sing Se and I just... I couldn’t help but love him. He was kind, and caring, and dedicated. I never expected that he’d feel that way for me, but I knew I had to tell him how I felt, and to at least try. To, you know. Start a relationship. And, to my shock and delight, he felt the same. And we’ve been together for over four years now. He’s probably the best thing that’s ever happened to me, if I’m being honest,” Lu Ten claims, smiling softly as he recalls the way Reo had kissed him the first time, barely able to contain the smile on his face. He sobers quickly and gives his cousin a contemplative look. Taking a risk, as per his usual, he asks a question that he hopes doesn’t scare his cousin off completely. “Why did you want to know?” 

As he had expected, Zuko turns bright red again, the teen stammering as his eyes dart back and forth. After a moment, though, Zuko composes himself enough to look over at Lu Ten, though he can’t quite meet his eyes. 

“I... I guess... I think, maybe, that I... I might like someone. Who is a guy?” 

Lu Ten blinks at the rushed confession but is unable to do much more than that before more words rush out of Zuko’s mouth, almost like a dam has burst. He can only sit and watch as his cousin speaks, eyes impassioned as he talks of the person who has clearly made quite an impression on him. 

“I can’t help it! I tried, really, I did. I-I had a girlfriend, you know. And I loved her, I know I did! But... we didn’t work out. I guess I’m not a good boyfriend or something. And Sokka- I mean, uh, this guy... he’s just... he’s really great. He always makes me laugh and always knows how to make me feel better, even after a hard day. Whenever I feel overwhelmed by everything, which happens a lot, he’s always there to take my mind off it and help me relax. He... he’s the only one who stayed, too. I-I know he only did it to help his tribe, to get them the aid they need from the Fire Nation, after all we’ve done, but... he... he stayed. With me. And I... I don’t know. He’s really smart, and funny, and kind- when he wants to be- and his eyes are so blue and I can’t help but stare into them for what feels like hours, and he always gives me strange looks so I think he knows what I’m thinking and I am terrified that he’ll find out and hate me and he’ll leave like everyone else did and I just-“ Zuko cuts himself off, his hands clenched so tight that Lu Ten can see smoke escaping from them. Zuko let’s out a noise of frustration and puts his head back in his hands, his body shaking with the turmoil within him. 

Lu Ten just stares at his cousin, at a loss for words. He suddenly wishes that his father were there. His father would know how to help Zuko, far more than he could. Still, he owes it to his cousin to do his best to offer advice, especially since he knows exactly what the teen is going through. He’d gone through the same thing himself before gathering up the courage to ask Reo out. He distinctly remembers how terrifying that had been, especially alone. And he realizes that, before now, Zuko had been alone, too, without any clue what it was that was happening. Agni, maybe he doesn’t even know that it was okay for him to like men. After all, supporting other people is different from supporting yourself. With as much grace as he can gather, he begins to speak, voice as soft and gentle as he can manage, like his father’s had always been when soothing him as a child. 

“Hey, Zuko. Zuko, look at me,” he cajoles, waiting patiently as his cousin tentatively looks up, such a miserable look on his face that he can’t help but feel his heart go out to him. Smiling softly, he continues, hoping he sounds encouraging. “It’s okay for you to like him, you know. He sounds like a great guy. You guys are friends, right?” Zuko nods, tense. “Okay, yeah. You’re friends. If he’s as great as you say, then I don’t think he’ll hate you, even if he found out, Zuko. From what you say, it sounds like he cares for you a great deal. I can’t say he’ll feel the same way about you, since I don’t know this guy, but if he’s truly your friend, he won’t hate you for it. And if he does, you’re better off without him.”

Zuko looks up sharply at that, a scowl on his lips. 

“That’s not true. I mean, he... you’re right. He probably won’t hate me. But... I don’t know. It would make things awkward, at least. I know he likes girls, though his last relationship ended too, and I don’t want to make him feel awkward. But I don’t know how much longer I can keep this from him. I... well. I keep thinking about, uh. W-well. You know. Kissing him,” Zuko mutters, his cheeks- which had finally managed to return to their normal, pale color- bright red once more. “And he’s really smart and surprisingly perceptive, for how dense he can be. I-I don’t know if I can hide this from him any longer. I don’t know if I want to. But I also don’t want to lose him. He’s probably my best friend, not that there’s much competition... I... I don’t know.” 

Despite the seriousness in Zuko’s words, something about the whole thing makes Lu Ten laugh, the sound startled out of him against his will. Before Zuko can get offended, he rushes out an explanation, a smile still lighting his face. 

“You know, I felt exactly the same way before I asked Reo out. And I can’t promise things will work out for you. But I can tell that it hurts you, keeping this to yourself. So, I guess my advice is... do what you think is best. Trust yourself and your instincts. And trust your friend, too. Maybe things will be awkward, if he doesn’t share your feelings, but if he’s as true a friend as he sounds, he won’t hold it against you. And, who knows. Maybe you’ll get lucky and he’ll feel the same way for you.” 

Zuko gives him a desperate, yearning look, like he wants to believe him, but eventually he turns away, frown on his lips again. 

“Yeah, but I’m never lucky. Azula... she was always the lucky one. Not me.”

Pushing aside the anger he feels, yet again, towards his uncle (after all, he knows exactly who had told Zuko that before, remembering his cousin telling him the story with the innocence only a child can have), he shakes his head sharply. Looking Zuko straight in the eye, he speaks. 

“You know, neither was I, once. I like to think all of that lost luck was storing itself up for that one moment with Reo. It’s your choice, Zuko. Whatever you choose, just know that I will always support you, okay? I mean. As long as you’ll have me, that is.”

Zuko’s good eye widens at his last sentence, and he watches with a tight chest as Zuko nods quickly, as eager as he had always been as a child. 

“Yes, I- of course I’ll have you. You... I know that I was young when you left for the war, but I still remember the time you spent with me. You were one of the only people who ever saw value in me, other than mom and Uncle. I missed you a lot. And... when I heard you’d died...” Zuko falters, looking to the side as he shrugs, “well. It was hard. I didn’t have much time to mourn before grandfather died and mom left, but I did miss you. And I am glad you’re back.” 

The words make his heart soar, like they had earlier, and he can’t help but wrap an arm around Zuko’s shoulder, pulling the teen against him into a sideways hug. And while Zuko looks awkward at the show of affection, Lu Ten can see the small smile that lights his face. 

“I am too, cuz. I don’t think I can stay here, in the Fire Nation, not indefinitely. Not when Reo and his whole life is in the Earth Kingdom. I could never ask that of him. But I promise you, Zuko, that I will write you as often as I can, every day, if you’d like. And I will visit too, whenever possible. You matter to me, Zuko. I always saw you as more of a little brother, you know. And if you ever need advice, whether it be about life, or guys, or anything, you can always ask me. I can’t promise to know all the answers, but I’ll always be willing to listen. That I can promise.” 

The words are ones that he means truly, and as he sees the bright look on his cousin face, he knows that they are taken the way he means them to be. 

Things aren’t perfect, that much he knows. And it will take time to fix things fully, even though the foundation he is building off of is steady as the earth he can wield. The hurt he has caused his family is not one that can be taken lightly, but as he and Zuko talk, the conversation moving on from the heaviness of earlier and turning lighter and easier, he is hopeful that with time, that hurt might be forgiven. Not forgotten, he knows that, and doesn’t expect that at all. But maybe, given time, he can find the forgiveness he seeks from himself.

It isn’t until there is a hesitant knock on the door, interrupting a story his cousin is sharing about a bear he’d been forced to look after for the Earth King (“and no, I don’t mean a platypus-bear. Just a straight up... bear.”), that he realizes how much time has passed since they had started. Sharing a glance with his cousin, who also looks startled as he notices the darkening room, he calls out to the person behind the door and beckons them to enter, figuring it’s either his father or boyfriend, checking up on them at last. 

However, to his surprise, when the door opens up, the face that pops through the crack isn’t either of the two men. In fact, it’s a face he’s never seen before. It’s a young man, roughly his cousin’s age, with dark skin and bright blue eyes, his hair pulled back in what he distantly recalls his father calling a water tribe wolf’s tail, several years ago. He has a hesitant look on his face, looking unsure if he should be there or not, but he doesn’t leave. He just stands there, shifting from foot to foot, looking awkwardly at his cousin. Huh. Interesting. 

“Oh, uh. Hey, Zuko! Or, er, Fire Lord Zuko? I just wanted to check in on you, you know. Your uncle told me you were busy, but you kind of missed our meeting and I was getting worried. It’s almost dinner and I know you didn’t eat lunch today, so I just wanted to make sure you took a break. But I see I’m interrupting, so I’ll just, uh. Go,” the mystery teen says, eyes darting everywhere in the room but at the two of them. It’s then that he notices how close he and Zuko are, the two pressed closely together on the couch, his arm still loosely draped over Zuko’s shoulders. It strikes him just how that might look to an outsider and has to suppress a shudder at the disturbing thought. He tries to shift away subtly, but it ends up being moot since Zuko stands abruptly, eyes wide as he shakes his head at the other teen. 

“No, you don’t have to go, Sokka. I mean, uh, Ambassador Sokka. In fact, I’d like you to meet someone,” Zuko claims, gesturing towards him with a careless hand. 

Lu Ten feels a smile rise on his face as he recognizes the name his cousin had used, his eyes looking towards the other teen with interest. Ah. So, this is the guy his cousin had been talking about, huh? He hears his cousin clear his throat, but he doesn’t look back at the teen, just keeps looking at the young water tribe boy that stands before him, apprising the boy that his cousin was so taken with.  

“So, uh. Do you remember what I told you, about Uncle’s son?” Zuko starts, taking a step closer to Sokka. Sokka nods slowly, finally entering the room with a confused look on his face. 

“Uh, yeah. He died, didn’t he? During the war?” Sokka asks, either not caring or not realizing that it was kind of insensitive. Zuko doesn’t seem to mind and just nods quickly, a bright smile rising on his lips. 

“Well, it turns out, he hadn’t died. He’d just faked his death and has been living in Ba Sing Se this entire time. Once the war ended, he found Uncle and they reconnected. And now he, uh. He’s here.”

With one hand, Zuko gestures back towards him, though he doesn’t stop looking at the other teen. It’s almost like he can’t help himself but look. Lu Ten has to fight down the grin at the thought. He sobers quickly when he sees critical blue eyes turn towards him, narrow and calculating. 

“Wait. Hold up. He’s your cousin?! How?! What?! I thought you said he died, how can he be here?! Are you sure he’s not actually a spirit in disguise, trying to trick you and your uncle?!” Sokka exclaims, though his eyes remain hard. It’s kind of amusing how both he and his cousin had almost the exact same reaction to the news. He says nothing, though, and just watches as his cousin shakes his head quickly, his long hair swaying with the motion. 

“No, I’m sure. He’s really here. He’s apparently an earth bender, and he left the war to keep Uncle safe, from the accusations my father would have made had he found out. Now that the war is over, though, he’s able to come back and, while he’ll still live in Ba Sing Se with Uncle, he no longer has to hide who he is.” 

“Okay, wait. Hold on. Zuko, you know how crazy that sounds, right? Are you sure he’s not actually doing some spirit mumbo-jumbo on you? I can always send Aang a letter to get him to fix it if he is!”

“What? Sokka, no, that’s insane, what? Look, I know it sounds crazy, but it’s the truth! Why would a spirit even pretend to be my dead cousin, anyway?” 

“Well how would I know?! It’s not like I know anything about spirits. I’m just the meat and sarcasm guy, thank you very much. I’m just saying, it’s kind of suspicious, him appearing out of nowhere like this-“

“It wasn’t out of nowhere! He came with Uncle! Wait, Sokka, let me explain—“

Lu Ten starts to tune out of the conversation then, content to just watch the two teenagers interact as Zuko tries to convince Sokka that he’s not been hit by “spirit mumbo-jumbo” and that he’s fine. It honestly reminds him of some of the conversations he and Reo have, so much so that it’s hard to keep the grin off his face. Now that he sees the pair interact, Sokka looking very concerned for his cousin and Zuko looking fond even despite his exasperation, he knows that things will work out just fine for the pair. It’s all a matter of time. 

Eventually, the conversation winds down, Sokka begrudgingly accepting Zuko’s story, though he still glares suspiciously at him. After that they head to dinner, his father and Reo waiting for them there, smiles wide when Zuko tells them that things worked out well, his cousin bowing to Reo and welcoming him to the Fire Nation. The rest of the night passes without incidence, Zuko and his father talking about Fire Nation business, or Zuko asking him and Reo questions about life in Ba Sing Se. All in all, it’s very peaceful compared to how the day started, and it gives him so much hope that things will eventually work out. 

Now, Lu Ten knows that things won’t be fixed overnight. He knows that it’s going to take hard work, and effort, and patience. But, as he boards the repurposed steam ship two weeks later, finally heading back home with his father and Reo, he is confident that things will work out. He’d spent most of his time in the Fire Nation with Zuko, Sokka hanging around and shooting him cautious and suspicious looks, slowly mending the bridge between them. Some days were rougher than others, the years spent apart creating an awkwardness that snuck up on them if they weren’t careful, but most days were spent talking easily with one another, like they had when they’d been young. Reo would join them, somedays, and his boyfriend had grown very fond of the teen, a feeling that he knew was mutual. And as for his father, the man was ecstatic that they had managed to grow so close, the man constantly beaming whenever he saw the two of them together. 

And while he was sad to have to leave, knowing he will miss his cousin dearly while he is gone, the teen promises that he will write often, hugging him goodbye as tight as he can. 

And then- while still on the ship taking Reo, his father, and him back to the Earth Kingdom- he receives his first letter from a Fire Hawk, full of details about Zuko’s day and how he misses him already, and how he and Sokka had spent the entire morning after he left together in the garden just talking. He smiles to see it, knowing then that things are already so much better than he’d ever thought they’d be. That he’s finally, finally content with the life he is leading. And while it may take some time for him to forgive himself for the time he’s lost, for the hurt he’s caused, he knows that if things continue as they have, one day he will. 

After all, the war is over. Despite all odds, they survived. Now, it’s time to learn how to move on. To build a better life, on the ruins of the old. 

And they’ll do it, all of it, together. 

~~~ Now we're young enough to try
To build a better life
To build a better life~~~