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She was staring off into space again.
Jotaro had noticed she did that a lot, just staring with a sad look on her face- it was something akin to the same daze he would find Joseph in when he thought of Holly in Egypt. It was a sadness with the understanding it could be fixed. It was a distant stare that is only given to the pit of a familial loss-
“I think I’m going to go ahead and go to bed,” She softly said, dismissing herself from the living room where she had sat with Jotaro. Jotaro watched. She carried herself differently as well; she walked with intent, not letting her thoughts dance around as she made any moves, instead, she walked as if she wanted to get away from them. As if she needed to escape something that she didn’t want to leave.
Jotaro sat there for a moment. His gaze caught a picture- a picture she had insisted on keeping in the living room. Not that Jotaro minded- no, he enjoyed having the picture there. A simple picture, simply the two of them with her showing her baby bump. It was a sweet picture. Jotaro knew the weight of pictures; the ones that broke him, the ones that ran over the scars of his psyche, the ones that awoke a soft feeling of floating to somewhere safe-
There was a weight to that picture.
It was taken 9 years ago.
Jotaro looked down at his bourbon, swirling it with mindless intent, simply watching the liquid dance around the glass. His stare was aimless, his lips moving on their own into true but small frown- there was a slight burn in his throat that wasn’t from the alcohol, a slight sting in his eye that wasn’t from anything in the house, there was a bottomless pit that reached from his chest to his gut; an unwelcome wave of emotion that he wasn’t expecting. Of course he had felt it often- but not looking at a picture of his wife.
It was painful.
Jotaro shifted, standing as he sat the alcohol on the counter not far from the seat where he regularly sat- well, sat when he was home. It hurt. It hurt to understand he hadn’t lived in that seat. It hurt to see a softening brokenness in the woman he loved- the woman who somehow loved him- and now the soft but enveloping sadness overtook him.
He loved her.
When was the last time he even told her? When was the last time he showed her?
Jotaro walked down the hall, stopping at the wash room; there was a pile of clothes to be washed. Mostly Jolyne’s, covered in marker stains and little bits of sand that somehow stuck to the clothes just long enough to have to be shaken out before being washed. His wife set it out to do it tomorrow-
Tomorrow was Sunday. Jolyne was at her friends house at a sleepover. Jotaro was alone with her, and was going to be alone with her tomorrow, yet it was lonely. The house was lonely.
He walked in, taking the clothes, checking the pockets for anything like a rock that Jolyne loved to randomly take, and putting them in the washer- turning it on as he made his way to the bedroom.
Every step was taking too long. It was taking too long to get to the bedroom. Every step seemed to only add to the weight in his gut, his eyes stinging-
He shook his head, looking up.
She was already asleep, her soft face relaxed as she faced his side of the bed- tightly clinging to a pillow as if it was him- as it should have been him-
Tomorrow was Sunday. If any work had presented itself to Jotaro in the Speedwagon Foundation, he would leave on a redeye tonight and pick up the work on Sunday. He would normally work on Sunday- an easy day to bet that others would be free to investigate and hunt out anything of use, but there was no work. Jotaro had given it off to others, finally putting his own mental foot down-
He was becoming his father. Jotaro Kujo was becoming his father- never home, greeting his wife with hard to recognize enthusiasm for the random time home, only to leave again. It hurt .
He didn't want to be his father.
Jotaro sat down on his side of the bed, the bed moving under his weight.
She was beautiful like this- her lips slightly open, face relaxed, hair pulled behind her-
Absolutely beautiful.
He gently cupped her face, a soft, subconscious hum of approval coming from his wife as he stroked her cheek-
He couldn’t lose her. He couldn’t ignore her for his work.
Jotaro didn’t even remember if he had told her that he was home this weekend- or the rest of the week, for that matter. He would be with her all week- with a stern mental promise in mind-
He was going to love her.
Jotaro gently pulled the pillow away from her, setting it at the head of the bed as he laid down beside her, gently pulling her to him- her arms immediately wrapping around him in subconscious contentment.
His thoughts had been too much for him lately, as he stared at the wall, unable to sleep with the fear of the memories he wished he could forget; flashes of silver and blurred visions of panic. He couldn’t deal with that. He didn’t want to deal with that. So he stared at the wall.
The thoughts of burning and icy gold glaring down at him with a voice that haunted him- a voice he will never have to deal with again. The glare melted, though, into a comforting jade- his mother’s eyes. Warm. Her eyes were always warm. He got her eyes, a melody of jade and aquamarine, while he looked like a balanced mix of his grandfather and dad. It was odd, really, that half of his image of his dad was formed by Jotaro looking into his own mirror, jade staring back at him-
The same jade that stared up at him as Jolyne showed him a drawing of a butterfly.
Jotaro shifted, pulling his wife closer to him as he blinked- his eyes turning from painfully dry to uncomfortably filled with tears.
“Jotaro?” Her soft, honeyed voice broke his thoughts, her arms squeezing him as a reminder of her overwhelmingly gentle presence.
“Hm?” Jotaro hummed, his hum cracking as she pulled back a little, cupping his face as she looked at him-
The window was only covered by sheers, the moonlight gazing through the thin curtains to cup his face as she gently stroked his cheeks.
She was quiet for a moment, watching the tears fall down his face- flooded eyes meeting her with melancholy love.
“Did you have another dream?” She softly asked, not really knowing what to ask- Jotaro never stayed in bed when he cried, instead going to the bathroom and trying to stay quiet.
“Not a dream,” Jotaro’s voice was practically a breath out- airly and soft.
She leaned forward, gently kissing his cheek as a tear caught on her upper lip, Jotaro flinching in the slightest at the movement.
“I can leave if you-”
“No.” his voice was suddenly firm, his arms tightening around her, pulling her against his body- a terrible anxiety of her suddenly falling away from him in his embrace as he pulled himself together as if they were one-
“I need you here.”
Her arms wrapped around him tighter, his face nuzzled into her hair as he embraced her, her legs intertwining with his- a messy tangle of bodies as if they were rope, caught in a flood of burning love.
“I love you.”
His voice was soft but firm; there was the pain of his past impaling his gut- not a sharp pain, no, the pain of a needle staying in the skin just too long- his memories falling back into place as he was grounded in her arms.
“I love you too, Jotaro,” Her voice softly soothed him, “More than you’ll ever know.”
Jotaro was paralyzed. He had to stay there. Nothing in his being would let him move- not to move away, not to move closer- keeping him where he was as a wave of relief crashed into his consciousness.
“Are you alright, Jojo?” She softly asked, pulling away from him just far enough to see his face.
“I can’t lose you,” He whispered, holding eye contact- she knew, that was hard for him to keep eye contact in a moment like this- “I can’t become my father, running away from my family to take care of them.”
Oh that hurt .
“Jotaro..” She cupped his face, pulling him to her, her lips grazing over his-
Jotaro crashed his lips into her, pinning her down onto the bed, pulling her arms back up around him- his lips furious yet unbruising as he moved his lips with hers, his arms wrapped around her back to pull her endlessly closer to her. Her tongue caressed his, gently dancing with his as she hummed.
“I don’t want you to get hurt,” Jotaro admitted, mentally saying fuck it, kissing her neck softly- not a hint of lust in sight- “I don’t want you taken away from me-”
“No one is going to take me, Jotaro,” She attempted to reason, no venom or annoyance behind her words.
“I’ve had other’s taken away from me. People I loved like family- you’re my family. I don’t want anything to take you away from me.” Jotaro’s voice cracked, his forehead resting against hers as his eyes filled with tears again, one of her hands cupping his cheek as the other stayed wrapped around his back, “I love you. I love Jolyne. I know I’m gone too often-” one of his tears splashed onto her cheek, “I work to protect both of you- to keep both of you safe and happy.”
“Jotaro-” She wiped the tears from his cheeks, gently pecking his lips, “I don’t know what’s come over you, but I love you, you don’t have to explain yourself.”
“I do have to; I see the way you carry yourself. You’re sad.” She paused, staring up at him.
“I miss you when you leave, Jojo; I thought you had more work his weekend,” She cushioned her words, “I know you love me, but I need you here to love me.”
“I know.”
She pulled him down, kissing him again, gently turning him over to straddle his stomach.
“I just wish you were here a little more often; it’s hard taking care of Jolyne by myself,” She admitted, his arms pulling her against his chest, “I love you, it’s just hard to love someone who’s gone so often.”
He stroked her back- for some reason, just now noticing she was wearing one of his extra white shirts- kissing her again.
“I need to be here, for both of you,” He softly said, “I don’t want you to be my mother.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” She asked after a moment.
“I don’t want you to be married and raising a kid on your own, much less if it’s our kid,” Jotaro murmured, stroking her hair, “I don’t want you married to a man who is never there to be your husband.”
She gently kissed his collar bone, the soft moonlight illuminating them- her own chest fluttering with the confirmation she needed.
“Will you promise me something, Jojo?” She softly asked, sitting up to look him in the eye. He nodded.
“Just be here for me. For Jolyne. For us,” She paused, her words caught in her throat, “I know you can’t tell me a lot, about what you do, but I don’t need to know that- I need you here. With me.”
“I promise, I’ll be here,” Jotaro said after a moment- his hesitation not coming from a malicious place of disbelief of an outrageous request, or a place of irritation- no, a moment of clarity-
It was like freedom.
“I’ll be here, for both of you.”
She smiled- a genuine, soft, beautiful smile.
“Thank you for opening up about this, Jotaro.”
He pulled her down to a warm kiss, gently melting together as her arms wrapped around his neck- only pulling away to gaze at her-
It felt like new.
“Do you have to leave tomorrow?” Her voice was melancholy again.
“No,” he pecked her lips, “i’m off of work this week.”
She looked at him in disbelief, “You never take off of work.”
“I wanted to spend this week with you.”
He looked flushed for a moment, sinking back into a shyness-
“Are you blushing?” She softly teased, kissing his nose just to watch his face scrunch up.
“Shush.” She smiled, humming, sliding off of him to curl up into his arms again.
“I like being held by you, Jojo,” She admitted, cuddling closer to her as they situated themselves in bed again.
“Good. I like holding you.”
Jotaro stroked her back, feeling the blankets get pulled over them tighter as she cocooned against him for more warmth.
“If you’re this cold, I’ll have no choice but to warm you up,” Jotaro murmured in a wave of confidence.
“I have laundry to do tomorrow-”
“Already loaded it up.”
She was quiet for a moment.
“Besides, it’s adorable when I blow your back out-”
“Jotaro!” She smacked- well, for a lack of a better term of aggressively tapping- his shoulder, his low chuckle making her blush further-
Jotaro had her blushing like a lovestruck college student again. He smiled. She kissed his collarbone, settling back down.
It was bliss.
“I love you, Jojo,”
“I love you more than you’ll ever know, Mrs. Kujo.”