Chapter Text
Kageyama glanced around his childhood room as memories came rushing back to him. No matter what he threw out, or shoved away in his closet, the ghost of Hinata’s presence could never be erased from his room. His rival, his first real friend, his first kiss, his first love. He closed his eyes and sunk into his bed. His mind drifted to how many times Hinata had fallen asleep on this bed, how many times they shared drowsy kisses in the dark, how it felt to have the smaller boy pulled into his chest.
It had been almost a year, but Kageyama hadn’t been able to let go. How do you let go of someone so bright? Someone so electric? Someone so...perfect? Kageyma let out a heavy sigh as he stared at his empty walls, once adorned with pictures of him and the orange haired boy. He really didn’t want to be in Miyagi. There was a reason he hadn’t been back to visit in the past year, a reason why he came up with some random excuse every time his mother urged him to come home. Miyagi reminded him of Hinata. It reminded him of walking home from practice, their hands intertwined. It reminded him of cherry blossom picnics, of sticky kisses in the summer. He frowned at the empty wall. How was he supposed to face Hinata tonight?
Sugawara-san had been adamant about throwing some type of Karasuno reunion party, inviting both the Schweiden Adlers and the MSBY Black Jackals as half of them had ended up on one of the two V League teams anyway. Kageyama had tried to get out of it, claiming his mother wanted to spend time with him, but his upperclassman wouldn’t take no for an answer.
‘I’ll go to your house and drag you to my apartment if I have to.” He said sternly over the phone.
Kageyama wanted to see his old team, of course, but Hinata had a boyfriend now. He wasn’t necessarily sure he could handle that. He had heard the news from Sugawara a couple months ago, a mere two months after Hinata had broken up with him.
Miya Atsumu .
He couldn’t help but vibrate with anger and frustration at hearing his name. The name that caused so many quarrels between the two. Hinata picked him over Kageyama. The same Miya Atsumu that Hinata had constantly emphasized ‘was just a friend.’ Obviously, there was something deeper, whether Hinata realized it at the time or not.
I’ll toss to ya one of these days.
That’s what he said to Hinata. That was the start of Atsumu and Hinata - and indirectly the end of Kageyama’s relationship. So many times, Kageyama had pleaded with Hinata to stop paying so much attention to Atsumu, to stop texting him everyday, to be here, with him. Everytime Hinata would frown and say Atsumu was no different than Kenma and that Kageyama was making a big deal out of nothing. Evidently, it wasn’t nothing.
Kageyama groaned, burying his face in his pillow. He really didn’t want to go. A loud buzz from his phone pulled him from out of his thoughts.
Ushijima:
I’ll be there around 6.
Kageyama sent back a quick ok and squinted at his phone for the time. Five o’clock. He pressed his hand to his eyes, letting out another deep sigh. Slowly he propped himself up and stepped off his bed.
I can do this. No big deal. Just don’t look at them for too long.
—-------
Kageyama stared out the window, his thoughts drowning out the chatter of Ushijima and Hoshiumi (well, Hoshiumi was practically yelling, but Kageyama had learned to block him out). As he started out onto the roads he knew so well, he couldn't help but think about the last time he saw Hinata.
They had gotten into an argument over the phone over something so small, Kageyama couldn't even remember what it was about anymore. They’d both been so far apart for so long and kept getting into fights, Kageyama could feel the distance grow between them. He had decided to go to Osaka to apologize to Hinata in person, and hopefully mend the coldness between them. Kageyama's eyes began to sting and he thought back on the memory.
It was a gorgeous summer afternoon, the sky looked so bright that day. He had just arrived in Osaka and somehow managed to find Hinata’s apartment. He paused in front of the door, a smile growing on his face, checking to make sure his hair didn’t look weird. The moment he had been looking forward to for months was just seconds away. He took a deep breath and firmly knocked the door. Kageyama was giddy with excitement, rocking on the heels of his feet. As soon as Hinata opened the door, his entire mood shifted.
“Tobio?” he mumbled. Hinata’s hair was a mess, and he was wearing a sweatshirt entirely too big for him, but that wasn’t what caught Kageyama’s eye. Directly behind him, Miya Atsumu was sprawled across the couch, covered by a blanket. Much like Hinata, his hair was a mess, a clear indication he had spent the night. He was laying down, scrolling through his phone when he suddenly met Kageyama’s gaze. Silence.
Tobio stood in the doorway in silence. He felt like the earth had stopped moving, like everything was underwater. His ears were ringing and his eyes were stinging. All he could do was stare. Atsumu seemed to notice something was wrong, he quickly got up and slipped on his shoes.
‘It’s good to see ya, Tobio-kun,” he chirped, sending Kageyama an awkward smile as he made his way out the door. Kageyama didn’t respond. He just stood there.
“Are you gonna come in?” Hinata mumbled, gesturing for the other man to step inside.
“I don't know, should I?” Kageyama snapped. Hinata didn’t say anything.
Kageyama felt it break. Whatever ribbon had tied Kageyama and Hinata’s hearts together had been cut to streads. It was gone. This was it. He could feel it, and judging by the sadness in Hinata’s eyes, Kageyama knew he could feel it too. He sighed, running his hands through his hair. He wouldn’t be the one to say it. He couldn't make himself if he tried. He didn’t want to lose Hinata. He would hold on for as long as he could.
“Why are you here, Kageyama?” Hinata asked, his voice was dull and Kageyama flinched at the use of his family name. Hinata hadn’t called him Kageyama since they were in high school.
“I wanted to apologize,” he mumbled, looking down at his feet. “But I guess there was no point in that, huh?” Hinata scowled.
“You make it sound like I did something wrong.”
“I came here to find Atsumu with bedhead in your apartment, and you don’t think you did anything wrong?” Kageyama snapped, slightly raising his voice.
“Because I didn’t,’ Hinata replied, matching Kageyama’s tone. “We didn’t do anything.” Kageyama sighed.
“Why is it always him?” he asked, softening his voice. “Even before we were so far apart, he’s always been here. I feel like I’ve never had your undivided attention. He’s always been here.” Kageyama repeated, tears trickling down his face. Hinata didn’t meet his eyes.
“I think we should stop, Kageyama.” he mumbled, no rebuttal, no protest. We should stop. That’s what he said. He said it so simply, like they were playing a game and it was time to pack up, like it wasn’t throwing away the last four years of their lives. We should stop .
They had broken up before, only temporarily, but he could tell this time it was truly over. It sounded different this time, no anger or fire, just sadness. Hinata wouldn’t even look at him. Kageyama choked back his tears and walked out the door without saying a word. He caught the next flight to Tokyo and didn’t go to practice for a week. And that was it.
The car came to a stop, bringing Kageyama back to the present. He wiped the tears trailing down his face with the back of his hand. Ushijima and Hoshiumi eyed him with concern.
“What?” he snapped.
“Are you gonna be okay?” Hoshiumi questioned.
“I’m fine, let’s just get this over with,” he mumbled, stepping out of the car. The two men followed Kageyama’s lead until they were stopped in front of a faded green door.
“Well? Are you going to knock or are we just going to stand here.” Hoshiumi remarked, folding his arms.
‘Shut up.” Kageyma mumbled. Ushijima furrowed his eyebrows and stared at the other man. Wordlessly, he lifted up his arm and knocked twice on the door. They were met with Sugawara’s smiling face almost immediately. The older man ushered in his guest, pointing out the guest slippers.
Suga’s small apartment was filled with Kageyama’s old teammates, as well as his new ones. It was weird to see everyone in the same place, but it also helped soothe his anxieties of seeing Hinata. Luckily, they weren’t here yet. Kageyama immediately made his way to the alcohol before going around and greeting everyone. Yamaguchi sat on the sofa, his arm wrapped around Yachi. Tsukishima sat stiffly next to his best friend, a cup in his hand, scrolling through his phone.
‘Kageyama!” Yamaguchi called out, gesturing to the other man to come towards them.
“Congratulations on your engagement.” Kageyama said gesturing at Yamaguchi and Yachi. Yachi smiled, letting out a soft thank you.
“You’ll be there, right?” Yamaguchi asked, beaming at Kageyama.
“Sure.” Kageyama replied, trying to sound as sincere as possible. He eyed their matching rings and felt a wave of pain wash over him. Why did they get to be happy? It wasn’t fair.
Kageyama frowned, turning his attention to the blonde boy sulking at his phone. “Oi.” he said, lightly kicking Tsukki’s calf.
“What.” he snapped, glaring at Kageyama. There was something off about him. Usually Kei would greet him with a smug smile and some complex insult, but today, the blonde man just stared at Kageyama in annoyance.
“Move over.” Kageyama mumbled. Tsukishima grumbled as he made space for him by inching closer to Yamaguchi. Kei was stiff, as if moving any closer to Yamaguchi would be poisonous.
Kageyama raised his eyebrows at this newfound revelation and chuckled softly. At least he knew someone was suffering with him.