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Til I Find My Hero’s Welcome (Waiting in Your Arms)
Kathryn believed that she was in some kind of Borg-induced dream. Perhaps their plan actually had failed, and the Borg Queen captured Voyager and her crew. This - the pale blue dot in the distance, the fleet of Starships escorting them home, the hails from admirals and family members alike - this could all be an illusion; some kind of fantasy her brain was telling her because she was really being assimilated.
But somehow, within the shock and the heart-pumping excitement and the strange pangs of sadness, Kathryn found herself believing in this. Because this all did feel very real. And she had no proof to say otherwise. And so, she let seeing be enough to believe. She let hope overwhelm apprehension. She let herself picture her house; her dog; her Earth.
“Captain?”
Chakotay’s soft voice awoke her from her reverie, and suddenly she realized that she was still on the Bridge. She was still a captain, and she still needed to get her crew home (though the distance, at this point, was laughably small). Lowering her hand back to the armrest, Kathryn turned to her First Officer.
“May I make an announcement to the crew?”
At his words, the reality of their situation truly sank in for the first time: they were home. And though in her dreams their welcome back was a blur, interspersed with images of families reuniting and her own dog charging toward her full pelt, the reality was a lot more systematic. There would be bags to pack; plans to make. She still wasn’t sure if Starfleet would want them to continue their mission or stay home with permanent shore leave. And then there was the issue of the Maquis, and the Doctor, with his 29th century Mobile Emitter, and Seven the reformed Borg.
Unable to speak over the noise in her head, Kathryn nodded her assent. Chakotay registered her empty stare, it seemed, and reached out to take her hand. That smile played on his lips; the one he used when he wanted to calm someone who was frightened. She had grown so fond of that smile. And now...well, now they were about to end their relationship as Captain and First Officer.
“All hands,” he said, keeping his eyes locked on Kathryn’s even as he tapped his Comm badge. “We aren’t sure about the details of our arrival procedure yet, but we want to be ready for anything Starfleet tells us to do. Make sure to have your belongings packed, and keep your ears open for any more updates.”
Kathryn squeezed Chakotay’s hands as a thank you, then pushed herself out of her seat.
All of this was becoming too much. Give her a Borg cube any day, but returning home after seven years believing they were trapped in the Delta Quadrant forever? And Tom and B’Elanna’s baby had just been born; she’d gotten used to the idea of another child being raised on Voyager. Now...what was to become of the family they had created together, as a crew? Were they just supposed to go their separate ways and…
“I’ll be in my ready room,” Kathryn excused herself, then tore off across the Bridge before anyone could stop her.
She felt like she was going to be sick. Or worse, cry. Somewhere in her mind, she was thrilled to be home. But this was all happening so fast. Had her morning cup of coffee been her last as the captain of Voyager? Where the hell did a captain go when their mission ended, anyway? A new ship, with a new crew?
No, she could never. These people were her family.
Admiralship?
No, she wasn’t quite ready for that. Not ready to settle down. Not ready for...well, any of this, really. She’d started this week by meeting her future self. And yet, somehow, everything that had happened after that made it stranger and stranger.
Kathryn had a coffee in her hands before she realized she’d replicated it. ‘The morning coffee wasn’t her last, then’ , she thought with a sad chuckle.
The door chimed, and as Kathryn sipped her coffee things almost felt normal. Another report; another cup of coffee. Good old times in her ready room.
Good old times she wasn’t ready to let go of just yet.
“Chakotay!” she said, too cheery to be taken at face value. Forcing a smile, she welcomed him into the room.
“Kathryn,” he replied.
That was strange. He almost never called her Kathryn. And he almost never approached her with such careful steps; like walking toward a wounded animal. If she weren’t already feeling so many conflicting emotions she could hardly stand, she would have been annoyed at his trepidation.
“I’ve managed to buy us a few more hours,” he said, a surprising set of words under the circumstances. “Starfleet needs to run a bunch of security checks, anyway. And they’re still working out the details of where we should go; who should be questioned first. Bureaucratic nonsense, but it gives us the chance to see Tom and B’Elanna’s baby. If they’ll let us.”
For all the clutter in her mind, Kathryn had forgotten, again, about the newest member of their crew. But at the moment, she only had eyes for Chakotay. How had he known exactly what she needed: time? How had he read that all in just a glance?
“Thank you,” she whispered, setting down her coffee.
A friendly silence passed between them for a moment, as he watched her and she watched her coffee get cold. Then he took another step forward and, hesitating just for a second, placed his hand on her upper arm.
“It’s okay to be a little conflicted right now.” Again, he’d read her thoughts completely. “We did just fight the borg with a messy bit of time travel. And then found ourselves in the Alpha Quadrant. It’s almost as jarring as when you chased me into the Delta Quadrant.”
She laughed at that. God, how that day felt so, so long ago now. It was only seven years. But they’d been so young then. So unprepared for the lives they would lead.
Kathryn shook herself out of her thoughts and took Chakotay’s hand into her own.
“We’d better get to Sickbay. And make sure the rest of the senior staff is there. I...I want them all to be there, if Tom and B’Elanna are okay with it.”
Chakotay nodded, giving her hand a squeeze.
“I’ve already told them to meet us there.”
………………………………………………………………………………...
Kathryn heard the party before they arrived. Namely, she heard singing. She wasn’t exactly sure what was being sung, but she recognized who was doing the singing with an amused smile and a quickened pace. She and Chakotay shared a look of raised eyebrows, and then stepped into Sickbay, still hand in hand.
“Cha wo'rIv toHgaHnaH lo pIre'toq, Tu Mak Dagh Cha doh Borak!” the Doctor finished with a rousing punch to the air, then turned to the newly arrived captain and First Officer with a brightened expression. “Captain!”
“Hello, Doctor,” she replied.
Looking around the room, Kathryn found familiar faces staring back at her. Tuvok, arms behind his back, standing by the door to guard against intruders. Harry, looking much older than the newly graduated Ensign she had met seven years ago. Seven, wearing an infinitesimal smile as she gave a curt nod. And then, huddled on the bed in front of what she’d dubbed the ‘pinstripe wall’, Tom, B’Elanna, and…
“Captain,” Tom said softly, “I’d like you to meet...Miral.”
The infant cradled in Tom’s arms was nothing less than perfect. Her forehead ridges perfectly framed her face. And as she turned and cooed upward, she was met with a chorus of gushing Starfleet officers, the captain included.
“She’s gorgeous,” Kathryn murmured, running a gentle finger down the baby’s cheek. Looking up, she found B’Elanna smiling proudly. “How are you feeling?”
“Exhausted,” B’Elanna answered with a weary smile. “But...happy.”
Tom leaned over to kiss his wife. And as soon as he did so, the Doctor turned into a mother hen.
“If you insist on osculating,” he chided, scooping Miral into his arms, “then I will take her for a moment.”
“Relax, Doc,” Tom said out the side of his mouth, then continued to kiss B’Elanna deeply.
The Doctor rolled his eyes and turned his attention to Miral, who reached up to grab his chin.
“At least you have a sensible Godfather,” he murmured. “Lord only knows what will happen when you’re back on Earth.”
Kathryn felt another pang of sadness at that. Right. Even among the happiness of this occasion; the sheer joy they all shared at finally, finally being home...they would soon have to leave this place. They would part ways and move on and-
“Doctor,” Seven said suddenly, approaching with more of a smile than Kathryn had ever seen her wear. “Perhaps we should sing the ‘happy birthday’ song in Standard, so that the child will hear the music of her own home?”
Tuvok adjusted how he was standing, raising an eyebrow.
“We have already heard the song in Vulcan, Andorian, and Klingon.”
“I think it’s a great idea,” Kathryn interrupted, giving a look to a disgruntled Tuvok. “Everyone has to sing; captain’s orders.”
“Aye, captain,” Tuvok dead-panned.
The Doctor counted them off, and they sang. It was a glorious time, filled with awkward beats and missed notes. Seven looked properly agitated by the end, and the Doctor explained to Miral that music was not a gift every humanoid shared. But it was fun. Pure, kind, wonderful fun that ended far too soon and left a pain that only something truly special left.
The pain of a good time that must eventually come to an end.
Kathryn looked around the room again, studying their faces. She’d grown to know and love everyone in this room: her family. And though they would meet again; they would celebrate together, and they would share meals together...it would not be like this. It would not be the same. So she continued to stare, and they stared back. And somehow she knew they were all thinking the same thing she was.
Quietly, the Doctor passed Miral back to B’Elanna. His dark eyes found Kathryn’s, and she realized he’d been watching her for over a minute.
“Captain? Are you alright?”
“Yes,” she replied instantly. “I…” With a sigh, Kathryn settled her hand on Chakotay’s shoulder, then turned to everyone once more. “I want to say something. But I don’t know what to say. It’s...it’s been the most wonderful journey with all of you. I had always hoped we’d get home...I never dreamed it would happen so fast. But I want you all to know that no matter where you go, or what happens...we have a home here. Maybe not on Voyager; not anymore. But with each other.”
She knew she had picked up something Chakotay or some other wordsmith on their ship had said at some point. But at the moment it didn’t make a difference. The words were honest and true, and she felt them deep in her heart.
Without a word, everyone seemed to huddle in. Even Tuvok stepped closer to their little circle, letting his hands fall to his sides. They looked around, to the members of their family. They smiled, most through tears, and they laughed as they accidentally made eye contact.
And then something spectacular happened. Silently, they all drew together. Tom wrapped an arm around B’Elanna, who settled Miral in one arm and used the other to grab onto Chakotay’s hand. Chakotay pulled Kathryn into a side hug, while Kathryn set a hand on Tuvok’s shoulder.
Surprisingly, Tuvok pried her arm gently off of his shoulder and, instead, intertwined his right hand with her own left. They shared a look, a nod, and a tiny smile. And then Tuvok settled his hand on Seven’s shoulder. She jumped at the contact, unused to it even now. But then she acclimated to it and took hold of the Doctor’s hand, giving it a tight squeeze. Turning, the Doctor set a hand on Harry’s shoulder.
And Harry, finally, set a warm hand on Tom’s back.
They stood there for a long time; breathing together, holding each other, existing as one unit. Their eyes occasionally met, with a tearful smile. But most of the time they merely stared at the floor or into space, whichever felt more personable at the moment. Bodies shifted, noses sniffed. But nobody let go for anything. Nobody said a word. And nobody walked away.
After a long, possibly relatively short, period of time, Kathryn looked around again. She found everyone else’s eyes either shut or turned away, and was glad for it. She needed a moment to herself, surrounded by her friends. An oxymoron, for an oxymoron kind of day.
It was in this moment that Kathryn realized that this...this was where she had been headed all those years. It wasn’t Earth she had been journeying toward. It was this circle of strangers turned friends turned family. This group of misfits, stuck in the Delta Quadrant together for long enough to find themselves belonging.
Though Earth lay out there, somewhere, shining in its blues and greens, Kathryn found herself completely content. Completely happy.
Completely...home.