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The scratching of quill against paper stopped the moment Yul reached a particular passage in the book he was transcribing, his eunuch’s head snapping up from sleep and looking around dazedly before focusing on him.
“Your Highness,” he said. “What seems to be the problem? Have you run out of ink?”
Yul struggled to maintain a blank expression, trying to blink away the moisture that had unexpectedly built behind his eyes. His eyeballs burned with the effort to hold back tears, heart rate accelerating as his mind was transported to a moment in time he could not forget, no matter how many days or years passed by.
Flashes of sunny smiles and warm lips invaded him, Yul having to shut his eyes tight so as not to miss her terribly so, no matter how much his heart ached for her day by day.
“Your Highness,” Eunuch Yang said, his voice closer now and with a tinge of worry. “Are you having a headache? I shall bring you a decoction to help.”
“No need,” Yul cut in, opening his eyes and putting into his tone more force than necessary, his trusted eunuch halting and turning to him in question. Yul cleared his throat. “I would like a new bottle of ink as well as a fresh set of books. The old ones are making me uncomfortable.”
Eunuch Yang stood there before bowing from the waist saying, “Yes, Your Highness. Please wait just a few moments.”
When Yul was sure he had departed, he closed the book with a snap and set it aside, standing and walking around the room to bring back feeling into his legs. Though, he knew in his heart of hearts there was an underlying reason on why he stood so randomly.
He took a few moments to breathe in and out deeply, hands idly swinging by his sides as he stared out the window.
With nothing to do and having made his eunuch leave as an excuse to be alone, Yul’s mind had all the more reason to think back to his days as the commoner Na Wondeuk, whose only concern was twisting straw ropes and loving the woman he was forced to marry, ironically by his own decree as Crown Prince.
Hongshim. Yeon Hongshim. Yiseo. Yoon Yiseo.
How fascinating they were the same person.
Just thinking about her name made a smile bloom on his face, the movement involuntary and very much uncontrolled.
He spent his days running the kingdom, as was the duty of the Crown Prince. He attended council meetings, even presided them, and when feeling suffocated left the palace with either Jeyoon or Guard Kwon.
Thinking about the past living in Songjoo Village only made his heart hurt, immensely reminded of the fact that the woman he loved dearly was there and could not be with him, as they led entirely different lives.
He guessed it was only fate that brought them together again and fall in love. It must have been fate too to separate them and bring them back to their respective lives, him as Crown Prince and her as the oldest spinster at age 28.
Too preoccupied was he in his thoughts he failed to hear the doors opening once more, footsteps coming closer and the new presence standing a respectful distance from his side.
“Thinking of politics or something else?”
“You are too nosy for your own good,” he said with no hesitation, a chuckle his answer.
“I’d like to say I know you very well, Your Highness.”
“Oho. How prideful,” Yul snarked. “That is not a good attribute of a mere son of a concubine.”
Jung Jeyoon laughed openly, the corner of Yul’s lips curling up at the fact he made this man laugh.
The two of them had grown close due to their days both in Songjoo Village and the palace. Jeyoon had given up on Hongshim though still showed signs of affection whenever they briefly discussed about her, Yul’s jealousy flaring up and having to say ‘I loved her first’ almost by reflex.
They sharpened up on their swordsmanship and martial arts when time allowed, walking around and sometimes engaging in idle chatter when time seemed to slow down, especially in this summer heat.
“What say another ride around Joseon, Your Highness?” Jeyoon offered with a smile, Yul walking back to his desk and plopping down on the seat cushion, dragging a different journal toward him.
“I’d be delighted to although my father has appointed me to look through some documents thus I am unavailable.”
“Why do papers stop you now? Before, it was something you could put off for days.”
“Unlike you, I am the Crown Prince. The title alone should be enough to tell you of my mounting responsibilities.”
“Hmm,” Jeyoon said, narrowing his eyes as he stared at Yul, who paid no attention as his eyes skirted around the Chinese characters. “And aren’t you the same Crown Prince who told me to go home when you were with your woman?”
“What? His Highness has a woman?”
The new and unexpected third voice made the two men turn toward the speaker, who was Eunuch Yang carrying a stack of books, a new inkpot balanced on top. His eyes whipped toward Yul and Jeyoon, mouth going agape the longer he tried to process the new information.
Jeyoon stuttered unintelligently, turning to Yul for help when he himself didn’t know what he was saying.
Yul glowered fiercely at him, not appreciating the slip-up of revealing he had someone in his heart.
With a deep and heavy sigh, Yul turned to his trusty eunuch and tried to brush off the matter saying, “It is nothing. This man had been drunk yesterday and it seems he is still not sober until now. Really, I pity him. Those books, if you please, Eunuch Yang.”
“His Highness has a woman?” Eunuch Yang said to Jeyoon, who froze before nodding resolutely.
Yul huffed through his nose, promising this man a lot of pain when his eunuch was gone.
Eunuch Yang only beamed, setting down the books from where he stood and quickly going toward Jeyoon, grasping his hands and eagerly looking into his eyes.
“That is true? His Highness has a woman he loves with all his heart?”
Jeyoon’s initial shock dissipated as he grinned easily and held the eunuch’s hands in his own, nodding again with surety this time and placing his free arm around Eunuch Yang’s shoulders.
“Yes, this Crown Prince is smitten for someone in Songjoo Village,” Jeyoon said proudly, purposefully ignoring Yul who was outright glaring at them both for ever speaking about his love life (or lack thereof).
“Ahh now that is something I haven’t heard of,” Eunuch Yang said as the two of them walked around Yul’s quarters as if they owned the place and not the other way around. “Tell me more as you seem to know how they acted.”
“Oh very much,” Jeyoon said proudly. “This woman, I fell for her and believed I was first. You know how I have prosopagnosia, right?” When the eunuch nodded he continued, “Well, she was different. I could see the light in her eyes and the redness of her lips. Oh, how dashing she was!”
Eunuch Yang made a pleased noise, shooting Yul a look.
Yul only growled lowly but was brushed aside once more when his librarian started to speak.
“But then alas, as fate turned out, they had met as children!”
“Oh, how romantic!” Eunuch Yang exclaimed with a dreamy sigh, round face flushed in genuine happiness at the knowledge His Highness had found someone to love and care for.
Yul found himself gulping one too many times, moving his hands and finding out his palms were particularly clammy. He didn’t know why his body was reacting like this. They were only talking. Also, his heartbeat was rapid, as if he had ran miles for hours on end. All these sensations were making him uncomfortable, and he had no idea what to do or how to stop it.
“When he was living in Songjoo and I wanted to make a request to this woman, he loudly announced his presence and wouldn’t stop glaring at me even as his woman held him by the hand and dragged him to their home.”
They both barked out laughing, Yul resorting to being petty as his lips subconsciously protruded to form a pout. He could even feel his ears burning, a sure sign he was blushing, however slight and almost unnoticeable it was.
He really should stop them both. After all, he has the authority and the full power.
But why couldn't he unstick his tongue from the roof of his mouth? Was he too tongue-tied, as they called it?
Eunuch Yang nodded, fully invested in the story.
“This is the first I’ve heard of His Highness getting jealous over someone,” he remarked. “This woman sounds familiar though. Your Highness, isn’t she the girl who you loved sixteen years ago? The one you believed at first to be dead?”
Eunuch Yang turned then to Yul, who quickly composed himself and nodded briefly.
“As it turns out, she was alive and had been living as a commoner,” Yul said, starting to relax and lose the tension the more they talked about her, back slumping and elbow resting against the table. “She changed her name too and learned how to adapt to her new surroundings, so it’s been a long time since she’s been called by her real name: Yiseo.
“Due to me having hit my head, I had no recollection of her. When the eunuch assigned by Vice-Premier was about to burn my belongings, I found the girl’s ribbon and associated her with Hongshim, so I realized it was her all along.”
A breath of laughter escaped him at how even she remembered him as the simpleton who didn’t read ‘Elementary Learning’.
This wasn’t missed by Eunuch Yang and Jeyoon, who met eyes and noted how fond he was of his beloved. He was even smiling, a rarity for them since he had always had this stoic and blank expression on his features. To see him soften was a new occurrence.
“It’s such a beautiful thing: to be in love,” Eunuch Yang said softly, picking up the books he had set down and walking toward Yul to lay it upon his desk. “Being in love does things to you.”
Yul’s gaze snapped to him then, eyes widening a tad.
“How would you know? You haven’t been in love.”
Jeyoon snorted mirthfully, Eunuch Yang casting him a deadpan expression before turning to the Crown Prince.
“Your Highness, I could say I’ve been in love before working in the palace. I just can’t marry.”
A laughing Jeyoon came by, laying an arm around the eunuch’s shoulders.
“Be sensitive, Your Highness. It is not only you who has fallen in love.”
Yul pointed a finger at him, eyes narrowing in distaste.
“Should you cross the line between love and friendship, I shall personally see to it you lose your position.”
Jeyoon laughed again, knowing Yul wasn’t entirely serious. He was good at making empty threats. Nonetheless he nodded and bowed in mock respect, Eunuch Yang giggling beside him.
“Yes, Your Highness. I shall make sure I do not think much of your woman.”
Yul visibly relaxed, turning to the new stack of books and the inkpot.
“Thank you for these, Eunuch Yang. Although before you leave, do I have your word you will not spread gossip around the palace?”
The Crown Prince was back to being serious and with a heart of steel, eyes betraying no emotion but when inspected closer, he was imploring for this whole conversation to be kept a secret.
Eunuch Yang straightened, his smile disappearing in favor of a more serious expression.
He bowed reverently and when he rose again said, “You have my word, Your Highness. This conversation never took place.”
With a final nod from him, he departed.
The two men waited in silence, Jeyoon turning to Yul and bowing more respectfully and genuinely.
“It’s no use trying to hide anything from Eunuch Yang. After all, he seems to genuinely worry and care for you.”
Yul gazed at his librarian for a moment before nodding in acquiesce.
“You have a point. He was immensely devastated when he found out I had died. He is a trusted ally.”
Jeyoon nodded and then broke into a smile, Yul figuring out almost at once that it was playful.
“It is not a sin to keep on loving her, Your Highness. In fact, I think it is pure of you to love her for years.” Yul only looked on, waiting and listening. He recognized that Jeyoon was telling him this as a friend. “I only ask you not to torture yourself and your heart too much; you are but human and a man at that.”
Yul allowed himself to digest his words of wisdom before smiling and nodding once.
“I will take your words into heart and do my best to fulfill your good wishes. That is what I must do as a good friend.”
Jeyoon bowed once more before leaving, the door closing shut and reminding Yul of his duties as Crown Prince.
He inhaled deeply, and let out the breath slowly.
His love might be miles and miles away, but he will always stay true to her and his feelings.
With a little bit of courage, he allowed himself to utter the name of his beloved.
”Hongshim. Hongshim-ah.”
A smile curved his lips up, warmth and indescribable joy filling him.
It is not a sin to keep on loving her.
Yes, he decided. It is okay to love her for many more years to come.