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“They say there are no second chances. But I didn't believe them. I would look at those brave enough to live every day as though it were their last—taking every risk, crossing every bridge, striking every item off their bucket list, yet never reaching the end—and think 'Why? Tomorrow is a new day.' I was so sure the rising sun carried second and third and fourth chances over the horizon in an endless loop of grace for those who hesitated.
“I didn't realize how fleeting a moment really was.
“Until I met the boy with the eyes of a soldier. He was beauty and elegance coiled around sharp claws and a roaring heart. He was slender yet unbreakable. He was everything I dreamt of becoming, yet everything I would never achieve. He was everything I wanted and everything I could never have.
“Which is why I stood back and watched. I watched as he danced, bending and twisting like a river cat. I watched as others gravitated to him, for better or for worse, lured by the magnetism of his unforgiving tongue. I watched as he threw punches and spit venom, as he strode into class the next day, proudly displaying the stark purple and blue framing his blazing emerald gaze. I watched as those eyes stopped searching for anyone and started focusing on someone.
“Jealousy was born in my heart that day. And my knuckles tasted flesh.
“But I don't regret it because … it made him look at me. Unmasked, no longer overshadowed by those braver than me, I had earned my chance. But I wasn't prepared for the weight of the warrior's unrelenting gaze. As those sharp, soul-engulfing gemstones pinned me in place, I choked on the fumes.
“And he walked away.
“But surely, the next day, I would get another chance, because he saw me …
“Except he didn't. I was nothing but ashes and dust floating in the wind. I had succumbed to the flames, been consumed and abandoned because unlike him … I wasn't a soldier. I was nothing more than a boy in costume, a scout reaching for the stars instead of scaling the barricade and dodging bullets.
“The day he saw me, that single fleeting moment, was my one chance because then … the timer expired, and my soul was blown to pieces.”
“But you put yourself back together, right?” the little voice from his lap probed. “Because if you didn't, you wouldn't have mama and me.”
A small smile tugged at his lips. “I suppose. But that's not the point of the story.”
“It's not?” Eyes blown wide, his son gazed up at him as though he’d never truly looked at his father before.
“No.” A soft chuckle. “The point was, don't make the same mistake I did. Don't let your chances slip by you, because once they're gone, they'll never come back.”
“But,” his son beamed, “there's always new ones, right? There's always something else later? Oh, oh! What if the later ones are better than the first ones? Like us!” A call drifted through the kitchen window, announcing dinner was ready, and before he could respond, his son was on his feet, practically dancing into the house. “Yay, food! Come on, papa!”
But he didn't follow his son inside. Instead, he closed his eyes and breathed in the late evening air. Splashed across his eyelids were flickering, faded visions of fierce green eyes and golden hair billowing in the spring breeze, just as unrelenting and unbreakable as the boy himself. His features plagued his dreams, whispering bittersweet lies as he wrapped the boy in his embrace, his fingers dancing through silky strands, and haunted his waking hours with the gut-wrenching truth.
When he opened his eyes and finally rose, turning toward the little cottage, his heart wept, mourning the comfort his home and family should bathe him in but never had. Mourning that fleeting moment when he caught his reflection in the eyes of a soldier. And as he slowly forced one foot in front of the other, drifting toward the warmth awaiting him, the ice in his heart trickled through his veins, blanketing him in a familiar numbness from the inside out.
His son smiled from the food-laden table, and his wife kissed his cheek, and though he hauled a smile out of the depths of his forever shattered soul, Otabek's stomach curled.
Because if he could go back in time, he wouldn't make the same mistake twice.
He would take his one chance and really make Yuri Plisetsky see him.