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Rude sat on a white plastic chair of the waiting room for who knows how long.
When a nurse approached him, finally, lifting his head made his muscles scream in agony.
"He's awake" she said, and that was enough for Rude to ignore the pain, ignore the pulling of the skin around stitches - and just focus on getting inside that hospital room.
Reno was sitting upright on the side of the bed, looking at the window. His red hair spilling down his back made it look like a crimson river, flowing over his white gown. Heavy bandages circled his head protectively.
He didn't move, even when Rude managed to wobble around the metal frames to check on his partner. His knees gave up, and he had to catch his breath, using that moment to desperately search Reno's face. He was pale, very pale - his blue eyes, half-lidded, properly for someone who just woke up from a very long dream, seemed hazed, gaze flat, stuck to this one spot on the glass.
"Reno" Rude said, voice dripping with relief. It was a miracle his partner was here, breathing, alive. No one should be able to survive a bullet straight through the brain.
"What..." Reno's voice came out hushed, words slow, kind of slurred. He swallowed hard, before speaking again. "What...happened...?"
"Head injury" Rude said quietly. "Mission gone wrong."
A long pause of silence. If Reno wasn't breathing, and blinking - way too sparsely - Rude would be worried. He was anyway. His partner seemed so fragile right now.
"Where...am I?..." Reno asked.
"Hospital." Rude answered, already feeling anxious. He reached out for a pale hand, curled on the hospital gown. "Reno?"
His skin was so cold, paper thin, almost translucent in the light of day. Needles and tubes sticking out of the wrist made it even worse.
"Reno?..."
Reno's gaze slid down from the window to Rude's face, brows furrowed with great effort.
"Who's Reno?..."
Rude felt his heart stop for a moment. The bright of his partner's eyes was gone, making them dull, like he was still half asleep. Before he could muster an answer, Reno looked back into the window, expressionlessly.
"My head...hurts..."
It's nothing. It'll pass. Rude gritt his teeth, pushing himself back to a standing position.
"You need rest." Rude said, doing his best to sound calm. Calm and professional. They were not alone in this hospital. Reno didn't respond, so all Rude could do was to get out to the hallway. Tseng was already there, talking to the head surgeon. They stopped, once Rude approached them.
"How is he?" Tseng asked, quick and straight to the point. Rude turned his head, where Reno sat on the bed, motionless.
"Confused." He admited, worry rising in his chest like water. "Lost..."
"That's perfectly normal after suffering such trauma" the surgeon chimed in. "The surgery took a lot out of him - rest is neccessary. Brain needs time to heal, but I assure you, if we let the patient be, everything will clear out in no time."
Rude wasn't listening, eyes still glued to his partner's back. He jolted back to conciousness, grabbing the man's sleeve, before he could leave.
"Memory loss." He stated, more than asked. The doctor quivered under his heavy gaze.
"I mean...It happens, sometimes. Stays permament in very rare cases, but it should pass!
"Rude" Tseng said calmly, and Rude reflexively loosened his grip on the man's elbow. "Thank you doctor. We'll stay in touch."
The surgeon scurred down the hallway as fast as he could. Tseng followed him ominously, briefly placing a hand on Rude's shoulder as he walked passed him. A reassuring gesture, that didn't provide any comfort.
****
Rude spend few following days in the hospital, under the "recovery" umbrella - but really, he just sat in Reno's room, waiting. Reno was asleep most of the time, either because of his own exhaustion or under painkilling drugs. Rude was hopefull, every time his partner stirred, and every time the hope would falter - the expression on Reno's face remained indifferent, shifting slowly into hostile. Whenever his eyes would stop on Rude's face, his brows would furrow, scrunching his features into a grimace.
Rude couldn't do much about it, sitting in the corner of the room. Words were never easy to use, and it wasn't his place to explain things. Even when the nurse gave him a stink eye, he stayed firmly in place. They made a promise to each other, and he wouldn't break it.
But he had to eventually go back to work - Tseng's generosity would only stretch so much. He still came to visit after hours. Watching Reno turn away from him filled his heart with bitter sorrow. It will pass, the doctor said. He's alive, that's all that matters.
And then one day the nurses wouldn't let him inside.
"You're stressing the patient out" they said. What? Rude opened his mouth to voice a protest, but stopped in his tracks. His reflection in the see-through glass door told him everything. Wide arms, stretching out the black suit, bald head, piercings and dark shades. A hitman. A silouette of a killer. Danger.
He could only lower his head, apologize and go back the way he came. Reno's alive. He's alive and that's all that matters.
Image of Reno's disgusted face haunted him for weeks. They gathered by his bed one day, him, Tseng and Elena, to try and jog his memory the right way. Reno already got a good grip on who he was, yet acted suspicious of them, even the hospital staff. Elena gestured at Rude, her voice gentle, but a bit pushing.
"And this is Rude, your partner."
"Partner?..."
It was their word, laced with affection, build throughout the years. Hearing it said with such repulsion by someone he held so dear, Rude had to "correct" it, strip it of the implication.
"At work." He uttered, looking away. They gave Reno his papers, and licenses first - he was so excited to learn he flies helicopters, it was both heartwarming and depressing - his goggles and gadgets next. His instantenious liking to the EMR gave them all a little bit of hope, and when Reno caused a power shortage of the entire hospital wing he was staying in, they exchanged mildly amused looks of understanding.
The nature of their work Reno also took surprisingly well.
"Sounds like something I'd do." He shrugged, placing both arms behind his head carefully. They left him the reports and assignment descriptions to read in his free time - he recognized his signature, and delved right in, giving them a cue to step out. Rude lingered in the doorframe few seconds longer, till Reno's apprehensive stare chased him out.
****
Rude didn't even want to go back home. It wasn't home anymore. It turn bland and quiet, way too clean. One would compare their loved one to a ray of sunshine - for Rude, Reno was a ray of destruction. Bigger or smaller, he'd leave a trail of casualties wherever he went. The apartment's drains were full of long red hair, he'd leave clothes on every surface without a second thought, dirty coffee mugs were too heavy to put them in a dishwasher. How often they argued about that...
Rude poured himself a glass of whiskey. Even alcohol wouldn't help with this pain. And was it even justified? Reno was alive and well, yet he was acting like someone died. Something. Rude was mourning those years that led them together - from colleages, to friends, to...partners. Turning Reno into someone he could hardly breathe without. And he couldn't say a word about it, to anyone.
They were a team at work, but after hours it was hard to call them perfect. Others, if they knew, wouldn't even call them good. But they tried to work things out, through ups and downs, find their path, a compromise. It was theirs, something stable, intimate. They'd fight viciously the entire evening about something dumb, to still wake up in each other's arms the next day. They would cuddle wordlessly, to then destroy the kitchen with the "SorryAss Breakfast", as Reno called their attempts of apologizing via food.
He missed him so much.
But it wasn't Reno's fault he didn't remember. "It takes time" turned into a cruel slow death sentence. The head of surgery almost pissed himself, when they confronted him about this.
"How much time?"
"It depends on the person, the scale of the trauma...! Physically he's healing well, b-but he needs to either rebuild or create new connections! It could take weeks, months-!
Years.
Rude downed the whiskey in one go, and left the glass on the coffee table. It wouldn't even numb him properly. He was on duty tomorrow anyway. Not bothering with changing his clothes, he threw himself on the bed, on Reno's side. The pillow still smelled vaguely of his partner.
********
Day by day, Reno was making progress. Elena, delegated to kept an eye on him, described excitedly each detail her colleage got right, on his own. Rude would listen, burning in his chest getting worse and worse.
"You should go see him!" She claimed, poking at his tie. "How can he remember you, if you don't see each other?"
He couldn't. Whenever he showed up in his room, Reno would treat him least friendly, or not pay attention to him at all. He would scootch back on his hospital bed, away from his reach, wary of his every move. Rude made a mistake once, and followed Elena to retrieve some of the Shinra papers. He stayed outside in the hallway, observing from afar. Reno layed on the bed like usual, staring into nothingness. Then he spotted Elena and...smiled so warmly. They exchanged few jokes and Rude heard his partner laugh, for the first time in a month.
It hurt to not be there with them.
"It's fine" He told her, trying to focus back on typing. Reno was alive, and that's all that mattered. "I...don't think he wants to see me."
Elena did her best to convince him otherwise, in her own, awkward, charming way. Rude turned her down gently, claiming he's busy.
It took another week for him to muster the courage for one last, private visit. Reno was getting out soon, and the execs decided to temporarily put him in a different department. So they wouldn't be partners anymore. Made sense. Of course he would lose that too.
He needed a solid reason to show up. The Turks' continiuous invasion scared the staff to such a degree nobody tried to stop him, as he marched down the hospital hallway. Clutching a bag of the greasiest food from Reno's favorite burger stand, he battled his doubts the entire way to Reno's room.
What should he even say? If some stranger showed up in his face, claiming to be the love of his life, he would punch him first, ask questions later. Reno would do that too. Rude swallowed hard, stopping right before the door. He knocked gently, and pushed it open, not waiting for an answer.
He just wanted to see him.
The lights were still on, despite the late hours. Reno was scrolling on his phone, red bangs sticking over the bandaid on his head like bloody spikes. He looked so much better, healthier. Again, Rude felt a swell of gratefull at the mere sight. But then Reno looked at him, and his blue eyes squinted in anger.
"Oh. It's you."
Rude stood there, helpless. He watched Reno straighten his back, and put his phone away, silently admiring his every move. He wished he could get on that bed and pull Reno into his arms. It's been so long since he touched him.
He wouldn't do that. They were strangers now.
"What do you want? It's way past visiting hours."
Rude cleared his throat and took a few steps towards the bed, putting the paper bag out front, like a shield.
"For you." He said, placing it down on the bed covers. Reno quirked an eyebrow.
"What's that, a severed head?"
"Food. Hospital rations aren't the greatest."
The smell of burned oil enticed Reno more than his words, as he slowly reached out for the bag.
"Food sucks ass here." He muttered, poking around the packages. Fishing out a pocket of fries, his lips stretched into a wide smile. "Now that's more like it!"
The panic was settling in, fogging his senses. It was too much to handle. Clenching his teeth and fists, Rude turned around to leave. It was fine. Maybe they would see each other around Shinra Tower. Maybe they'd do small talks over the coffee, or wave each other from the elevator. They could become aquaintances.
"Hey, wait up!"
Rude halted, hand already on the door knob. He turned around to see Reno, stuffing his face with fries. He waved him with a burger.
"I have a question."
Rude came back to him on stiff legs. Reno gestured at a folded plastic chair, leaning on the bed railing, busy with picking on the burger bun. It was a long time since Rude sat down next to his partner, actually invited to stay closer. He quickly looked away, before Reno could catch him staring, focusing instead on those long, pale fingers, working around a generous burger stuffing.
"I can't eat a lot at once" Reno spoke suddenly, sounding almost apologetic. "The meds they have here really fucked my stomach up. But that shit is so good! Much better than this tasteless stuff they have here!" He beamed, chewing down on another fry. Rude's heart skipped a beat, when he realized Reno answered a question he wanted to ask but didn't.
"You don't talk much, do you." His partner noted, clearly annoyed. "I bet I hate that."
"You do" Rude admitted silently, squeezing his thumbs. Reno stopped eating and looked up, his expression changing immediately from pleased to confrontational.
"The fuck you want from me?..." He growled over the bags of food.
It was a bad idea to come here, Rude should've known better than this.
"Nothing."
"Fuck that, nothing!" Reno slammed his hand down on the matress, making all the tubes and wires stuck to his arm wiggle. "Every time you come here, you stare at me, like y're expecting somethin' from me! Whaddaya want me to do?!"
Accusations fell heavy on Rude's head, crushing him down more and more. He wasn't expecting, he tried not to. If he wasn't sure he was making Reno uncomfortable, now the proof was undeniable.
Reno hit the bedding again.
"What do you want from me?"
Rude swallowed. I want you to remember. I want you to come back to me.
"I want you to get well" He replied cautiously. To get out of here and live your life. To be safe, wherever you end up.
They both went silent. Breathing was hard again.
"And what's with this?" Reno touched his left earlobe, finger smoothing over the silver piece. Rude looked away, avoiding his partner's eyes. "It's yours, isn't it."
Yes.
"Why do I have it?"
Because a ring would be too obvious. And would cause broken fingers during a fight.
"We had a bet." Rude said instead, the version for everybody else to hear. "I lost."
"You're lying."
Reno seemed on edge, hands curled tight into fists, making his knuckles white, all ready to thrown down.
"What are you not telling me?!"
Rude shifted, ready to rise up and go. Telling would be harmfull. He wouldn't do that to him.
"Talk, you fuckin'-!" Reno lunged forward suddenly, snatching the glasses off his nose. Rude scrambled to retrieve them and froze, caught by Reno's intense stare. And there it was, in the depth of his pupils - a little light, a spark of something, a realisation perhaps?
More like fear.
Rude jumped to his feet and left in a hurry, abandoning the glasses in the process.
****
And it went silent and uneventfull, and depressing, and dead, and dull for the next few days - untill one evening, when his phone rang. He almost didn't pick up - really wasn't into late VP guarding. His partner's name flashed on the screen - he noticed, and rushed to get it.
"Reno?..."
There was crackling on the other side. A long, shuddering breath. A quiet "ah, fuck".
"Yeah. It's, uh...it's me."
"What's wrong?"
A bitter snort huffed over the speaker.
"Everything. Fucking....everything." A pause, making Rude clutch the phone to the near point of crushing it. "You can have your glasses back. They, uh...keep giving me panic attacks. Like, I shouldn't have them..."
Rude closed his eyes, recalling every instance of Reno holding on to his glasses. Scared. Alone. Waiting for him. Sighing with relief, whenever he showed up again to claim the shades back.
"...and it hurts. Why does it hurt? I don't-" Reno let out a strained laugh. "Why am I even calling...?"
"I'm glad" Rude said quickly. "I'm glad you called. I..." Words were betraying him, like usual. Cold sweat ran down his spine.
"I see you everywhere." His partner's whisper, barely audible, hit his ears like a bell. "Saw those eyes before, couldn't...place it. You never take those damn fuckin things off."
Another pause, few more shaky breaths.
"Reno" He spoke softly. Don't hang up. Keep talking.
"I don't know, just..." Rude could almost see his partner gesturing in frustration. But instead of expected burst of anger, he heard a resignated plea. "Just get me outta here. Please? Please get me outta here, Rude. I can't stay here, I can't...Please, I wanna go home..."
Rude got to the door in one fast jump. He fumbled for the keys, his mouth dry.
"I'm on my way."