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"I could ask Hannah to watch the kids one night, and you and me
could get a boring old drink,
i n a boring old pub,
and see where that takes us.”
“Hannah?” Dani’s hesitant calling of the Housekeeper’s name bounces off the tiles that line the kitchen walls and startles the other woman, who appears to jerk back to reality in her seat at the head of the table. “I’m sorry,” Dani quickly follows up, taking a few steps closer. “I didn’t mean to-”
“No, no, that’s quite alright. Gosh, I must have been daydreaming.” She smiles at Dani, though there’s a small frown creasing her brow. “Everything okay?”
“Everything’s fine,” Dani assures her, standing awkwardly beside the empty chair adjacent to Hannah’s, her restless hands gripping the back of it. “I was wondering if you’d maybe be able to watch the kids one night? Only for maybe an hour or two.” At Hannah’s curious look, Dani hesitantly embellishes, glancing away and back self-consciously. “Um, Jamie, she- we, I mean,” takes a breath, annoyed at herself for being flustered and giving away the fact that this might mean anything more than two friends hanging out. “I’d like to go into town with Jamie one evening. Just to the pub. I don’t think I’d be gone very long.”
“Oh.” There’s surprise in Hannah’s voice and Dani feels her stomach clench uncomfortably at the sound of it. “Oh, of course, that sounds lovely. When were you thinking?”
Dani’s hands leave the back of the chair and she holds them in front of her body, unconsciously wringing her fingers together.
“Whenever it works for you, really.” Dani swallows, sweats a little, clears her throat. “Jamie said that she could bring a change of clothes and we could go after work, so whatever night suits you, I can just let her know.”
“Well, in that case, you can pick your night.” Hannah waves her hand at the empty kitchen. “I don’t have anything pressing to attend to in the immediate future. I say go and enjoy yourself, you’ve definitely earned a little time off.”
Dani thanks her and Hannah asks if she’d like a cup of tea.
“Still plenty in the pot,” she says, tapping the handle of the cosy-covered teapot sitting between them, and Dani accepts the invite, going to retrieve a mug before taking a seat in the chair she’d been standing behind. Hannah pours the still steaming liquid into the cup and Dani adds her own cream and sugar, the amounts of which must still be off because she catches Hannah grimacing slightly out of the corner of her eye. After stirring, she brings the mug to her mouth and takes a sip.
It tastes fine to her.
“So,” Hannah begins after a moment’s pause, her hand absently rubbing at the back of her neck. “You and Jamie, are you-”
“Friends,” Dani interrupts immediately, mildly panicked and then embarrassed by her rudeness. “We’re uh, I mean, I’d like for us to,” she gestures awkwardly with her hand, trying to convey the words she’s unable to speak, “to be friends,” she finishes, lamely, letting her hand fall to join the other in embracing the warm cup of tea. Bright blue eyes drop to look down into the mug, as though she’ll find some way out of this at the bottom of it, because Hannah is watching her with a smile that tells Dani she isn’t fooling anyone.
“Oh darling, if you’re looking for disapproval, I’m afraid you’ll have to find it elsewhere.” Hannah’s eyes twinkle when Dani glances back over at her. “I’ve known Jamie for, well, a long time now. Long enough to know, not that she ever made it a point to hide anything of herself from us, Owen and I. It never changed how I looked at her and it certainly wouldn’t change how I looked at you.” She pauses there, regarding Dani in a manner that can’t quite be pinpointed, and then, giving Dani a way out, she says, “If that were indeed the case.”
Dani doesn’t quite know what to say. Has never been faced with this kind of acceptance before, never really allowed herself to be except for with Jamie. So, she brings the mug to her lips, breathing a thank you over the rim, and smiles into her tea when Hannah insists no thanks are necessary.
Dani manages to find Jamie before she leaves later that day and she tells her that Hannah has happily agreed to watch the kids whatever night they want.
“Well then,” Jamie says, leaning against the side of her truck, “when d’you fancy going?”
“What about tomorrow night?” There isn’t really much of a gap between Jamie’s question and Dani’s reply, and Dani lets out a held breath as quietly as she can, feeling a little mortified at her eagerness. But where she expects Jamie to tease her, eyes that have turned green in the early evening light simply squint curiously at Dani and a smile that parts Jamie’s lips rises up to meet them.
“Tomorrow it is, then.” Jamie pushes herself off of the vehicle and opens the driver side door. She doesn’t climb in right away though, instead pausing to throw Dani a glance over her shoulder. “Hope you brought your gladrags with you, Poppins.” Only then does Jamie get in, close the door and, eventually, drive away.
Once Dani had found out what exactly ‘gladrags’ were - thank you, Owen - she’d spent the day distractedly fretting over what to wear. Obviously, she wanted to look nice, but she also didn’t want to accidentally overdress and, as Jamie had put it, scandalise the village.
In the end, it’s Flora to the rescue.
“Miss Clayton, Miss Clayton!" Flora’s calls draw Dani away from where she's unhappily comparing two shirts and she turns to find the youngest Wingrave gently stroking her fingers over the silky material of a baby-blue blouse. "This one is lovely!”
One half of Dani's wardrobe has been haphazardly splayed out across the bed in the vain hope that something would jump out at her. It hadn't and when Flora had come softly knocking at her door, Dani had seen the interest in wide eyes and invited her in to help.
"You think so?" Dani asks, reaching out to take the blouse. She holds it up in front of her, inspecting.
"I do." Flora's matter-of-factness makes Dani smile. "It matches your eyes and your eyes are very pretty, so that means this is pretty too."
Expression crumbling toward fondness, Dani crouches down so that she can place her hand against Flora's cheek.
"You, my dear, say the sweetest things." Then she's standing again, approaching the mirror with a little less caution than she has in the past.
"Why thank you, Miss Clayton." Flora watches Dani's reflection as the au pair holds the blouse against her torso and tries to imagine what it would look like on, paired with a skirt maybe. Or no, a nice pair of pants. More casual. "Will you wear it?"
Dani glances at Flora through the mirror, sees her little face lit up with hope, and looks back at herself.
"You know," she turns back to the young girl, "I think I will."
"How wonderful!" Flora claps her hands together and spins in a circle, pulling a laugh from Dani. "You're going to look perfectly-"
"Miss Clayton?" Miles' voice interrupts Flora from somewhere out in the hallway. "Is my sister with you?"
"Yes she is and you can come in," Dani calls out to him, watching as the door slowly opens. "Flora was just helping me pick out something to wear." She turns to Miles, swishing the bottom of the blouse. "What do you think? Pretty good choice, huh? Your sister sure has an eye for fashion."
“I think it’s quite lovely,” Miles says, polite and gentlemanly. Flora delights at this, excitedly announcing that she’d said the same. “Owen asked if Flora and I would help him in the kitchen, but only if it's alright with you?”
Dani looks between the two of them a few times, pretending to think before she nods and sends them away with another smile.
When Dani descends the main staircase of Bly Manor, still fretting about her clothes - Flora’s hand-picked shirt and a pair of dark blue jeans - and hair - loose and free - she hears Jamie's laughter ring out from the kitchen and finds herself halting on the very last step.
With her hand on the banister, she looks down at the floor and consciously considers the final leap she has to take. Needs to take. It's not very far, but she could still slip and fall, still stumble, and she chews at the inside of her cheek as she flips through a mental catalogue of what it all means.
She thinks about Eddie. How she'd hurt him, the guilt she'd felt those times when she realised that, for a moment, she'd forgotten to remember him. Forgotten to allow herself be haunted.
She thinks about Jamie. Her dry humour and kind eyes. How she'd come across a crying Dani and, without asking any questions, had taken the time to stop. To offer a metaphorical handkerchief and had, insanely, been able to draw a laugh from Dani whilst she'd been in the middle of a breakdown.
She thinks about herself. About how she'd had to hide and just hope that one day, she would look at Eddie and feel the way she was supposed to. She thinks about how kissing Jamie in the greenhouse had finally given her that feeling, along with an immense sense of relief that she was still processing.
It had felt huge, consuming, and exciting.
It still does.
And she’s scared, she’s so, so scared, but within that fear Dani finds that she’s remembering how to be brave. Not just for others, but for herself, as well.
Taking a steady but determined breath, Dani steps down onto the hardwood floor of the entryway.
“-a cup of positivity?” Owen is saying as Dani enters, standing at the head of the kitchen table and slowly swinging the kettle in Jamie’s direction from where it hangs by the handle from two of his fingers. “Get it?” Hannah is rubbing her head in an overly dramatic, disappointed manner, but Dani can see the hint of a smile on her face even from where she’s standing. “Pos-i-tiv-i-tea?” Owen’s mustache wiggles above his pleased grin and Jamie groans loudly before letting out another laugh. “Oh.” Suddenly, Owen is aware of Dani’s presence. “I believe the lady of the night has arrived.” He gestures past Jamie, who has her back to Dani, with an outstretched palm and she watches as Jamie twists her upper body just enough to look over at her.
And the smile on Jamie’s face drops.
So, too, does Dani’s stomach.
There’s a completely soundless beat of silence that seems to last about three and a half minutes, in which Dani panics that she’s done something wrong - forgotten to do up her fly or managed to say something stupid and ‘American’ without even speaking - and wonders how fast she can back out of the kitchen without risking a nasty fall.
Because Jamie is looking at her in a way that is frustratingly indescribable, unreadable, and Dani thinks she might suffocate under the intensity of it.
Then, just like that, all of the air comes back into the room with an unpleasant hum that hurts Dani’s ears and Jamie is looking away from her and back to Owen.
“Owen, please don’t go round calling women ‘ladies of the night’.” Jamie says, snark in top form, and it takes the man a moment but he blushes when he realises, bowing his head towards Dani.
“Apologies. I’m just going to go back to the stove where I belong and think about what I’ve done.” He does as he says and Hannah swats him playfully as he goes.
“All ready, then?” Jamie asks, picking up a jacket from where it lay draped over the back of a chair and facing Dani fully now.
Which is, of course, the first that Dani gets a good look at Jamie.
A pair of black, suspiciously wrinkle-free dress pants sit below a crisp white button-up that’s a size too big for her, allowing it to hang off her body in a manner that is entirely flattering, where it would make anyone else look like they hadn’t quite grown into it yet. Her hair is as it always is and Dani finds herself captured by how lovely she looks.
Someone, Hannah she thinks, delicately clears their throat and throws Dani back into her body.
“Yes,” she says, quickly, clearing her own throat before saying, more softly, “Good to go.” With a wave towards the two remaining, Dani reenters the foyer with Jamie close behind, but stops short at the foot of the stairs. “Oh, shoot.”
“What’s up?”
“I forgot my purse.” She feels like an idiot. “Gimmie one second, okay?” But she doesn’t make it more than a foot and a half before Jamie’s hand catches ones of hers, holding her in place. Dani blinks at her, confused.
“Honestly, Poppins.” Jamie rolls her eyes, then smirks like she has a secret. “Your money’s no good here.” She tugs Dani away from the stairs and towards the front door.
“But…” Dani frowns, allowing herself to be led. “I have pounds now. British pounds!”
Jamie’s laughter echoes back towards the kitchen as they leave the house and inside, Hannah shares a happy, knowing look with Owen.
The drive into the town of Bly is relatively short, about seven minutes by Dani’s estimate, which she’s fairly certain is accurate because she keeps forcing herself to stare at the clock on the dashboard in order to suppress the urge to stare at Jamie for the duration of the ride.
Dani doesn’t know if the silence is awkward or if she just feels awkward, but she seems to have been struck mute by the fear of saying something wrong and is grateful when Jamie attempts small talk. She asks about Dani’s day, if the kids behaved, and Dani asks about the gardens and Jamie’s plants.
She hasn’t been to the town before now, hasn’t needed to, and as Jamie’s Land Rover bumps its way over cobblestone streets, Dani takes in the brick buildings and twinkling lights with an element of wonder. It’s quaint and quiet, at least now the sun has set, and Dani is charmed by all the character she sees.
The pub itself is an old building, long and narrow, and built from roughly hewn stone that’s been painted white. Its roof is thickly thatched and stands out tall and strong against the structure. Dani is immediately smitten.
“Oh, wow,” she gasps as they pull up, pressing her face almost right against the window to get a better look. “It’s so beautiful.”
Jamie chuckles at how awestruck Dani sounds and guides the vehicle around the pub and into a parking stall at the back of the building.
“I think you might need to get out more,” Jamie jokes, shutting off the engine and grabbing a battered looking leather wallet off the dash. “Come on, then.” She opens her door and steps out, walking around the vehicle as Dani lets herself out. “Ready for your first small town local?”
“I don’t know,” Dani gazes up at the building and then back to Jamie. “Am I?”
“Yeah," Jamie looks her up and down, assessing, and Dani's stomach flips. "I reckon.”
They walk around to the front of the pub, the light shining out from arched window frames illuminating the way, and Dani looks towards the old wooden sign lightly swaying back and forth above the entrance.
“The Crown?” she asks, stopping when Jamie steps in front of her to open the door.
“I know, original, right?” There’s sarcasm in Jamie’s tone but Dani lips curl, uncertain.
“Is it?” Taking a second to peer beyond the entryway, Dani steps over the threshold and hears Jamie blow out an amused breath as she follows her in.
“Not in the slightest.”
Dani isn’t sure what she’d been expecting, but the place is fairly busy. People glance at them as they enter, many of them older - long time regulars, she assumes - though there are a smattering of people around the same age as them.
The stone exterior continues inside, though left unpainted, and a solid wooden bartop that’s about five feet long is the first thing Dani sees. Behind it, bottles of various shapes and sizes neatly line three shelves bolted into the stone, below them clean pint glasses are stacked on top of bar mats that are rectangular in shape and branded with the name of the pub.
“Alright, Davey.” Jamie sends the greeting toward the burly looking man currently pulling a pint from one of the four taps on display. He’s large and broad, probably muscular beneath the white, woolen sweater that has vaguely celtic-like patterns woven into it and a high collar that brushes the bottom of his ginger beard.
“Blessed be, the heavens have heard my calls,” the bartender, Davey, announces dramatically. His voice is deep and heavy with an Irish accent. “You’ve come back to me, mo mhuirnín.” His eyes are a vibrant green, friendly and currently fixed on Jamie.
“Don’t I always?” Jamie raises an eyebrow at him and he laughs, a low rumble of a sound, turning his attention back to the drink he’s pouring as the foam of the head spills over the side of the glass and his fingers. He lets out a guttural sound of annoyance and grabs a cloth from beneath the bar. He wipes off the glass, then his hand, and slides the beer over to an elderly man waiting patiently at the end of the bar.
“Here you go, Monty.” Davey waves away the five pound note that the man tries to give him and Monty crumples the bill into his fist before lifting it to tip the brim of his flat cap at the younger man. “Last one and then home to Phyllis, alright? Or she’ll have my hide.” Monty grins to show missing teeth and carefully shuffles back to his table. “What’ll it be then, the usual?”
“Pint of bitter, please.” Jamie tips her head towards Dani. “What d’you fancy?”
“Oh, uh…” Dani blinks a few times, trying to bring the world around her back into focus. There’s a large blackboard hanging off to one side behind the bar, chock full of different beverage names, but she shrugs when she looks back to Jamie. “Just a beer, I think?” Jamie’s lips shift towards a smirk and the room warms around Dani.
“And a lager and lime please, mate.”
“That’ll be one pound eighty.”
Drinks ordered, Jamie takes Dani by the elbow and leads her left towards the far end of that side of the building.
There’s a table and two chairs every five feet or so, sitting in the middle of the space, and open booths line the walls. The material of the booth seats is embroidered, though the detail has worn away in more places than it remains intact, and the tables and chairs are all obviously handmade. Their shapes vary, though not by much, and the cut of the wood is thick and stained dark to match the bartop.
Each booth also has a table and many of them, Dani notes, are taken. But there’s one, right at the end and set away from the others that isn’t and that’s the one Jamie guides her to. It’s opposite a door marked for staff only and, as Jamie gestures for Dani to sit, she explains that this booth is usually for the workers to take their breaks at. A little bit removed from the customers, giving them the illusion of peace for a few minutes.
"Davey lets me use it when he's the only one on." Jamie slides in behind the table and sits so that there's an acceptable amount of space between them. “He knows I don’t get on that well with people so he sits me where he thinks I’ll get into the least amount of trouble with them. Which is why,” Jamie points to a spot against the wall to their right, “there’s a lady palm waving at us from over there.” Sure enough, there’s a three-foot tall plant sitting beneath one of the wall lights in a brightly coloured pot, its long finger-like leaves stretching out at all angles. “To keep me company.”
Dani beams, delighted, and Davey brings their drinks over, placing them on top of a couple of coasters he sets down in front of them.
"Anything else, ladies?" he asks, rubbing his large hands together. Jamie looks to Dani, who shakes head.
"Think we're set, thanks."
He tells them to wave him over if they do need anything and leaves them to it. Jamie lifts her pint, darker in colour than Dani’s, to draw in a mouthful and Dani uses that time to take in more of their surroundings.
It kind of looks exactly like she’d imagined any local British pub might look, like they do on television. The floor is lined in red carpet that holds the remnants of a repeating gold pattern, faded over years of traffic. Huge beams hold up the ceiling overhead and from them hang old-fashioned looking fixtures that flicker with artificial light. Lace curtains cover the windows, allowing some of that light to leak into the darkness outside, and there’s a hodgepodge of various items decorating the walls and little alcoves set into the stone that at the very least look antique to Dani, even if they aren’t.
Brass goblets and jugs, old farming equipment, there’s even a shotgun or two. A few time pieces, mostly pocket watches, are scattered about, leaning against old kerosene lamps or the occasional ratty looking book, and none of it should really go together but it does. Makes the place feel oddly cosy.
There’s a haze, a thick mist, on the very opposite end of the pub and it takes Dani a second to realise that the stuff drifting lazily through the air is smoke. Those sitting among the clouds all have either a cigarette or pipe in hand and, knowing Jamie smokes, she wonders why the gardener wouldn’t choose to sit there.
Then she remembers the lady palm. Which, in turn, reminds her that Jamie is sitting beside her, and Dani turns to apologise for daydreaming only to find Jamie already watching her.
Jamie’s elbow is resting on the table, her head tilted to one side and propped against a closed fist.
Dani’s breath catches in her throat at the unexpected attention and she feels the stirrings of a blush begin to niggle at her, but Jamie doesn’t look away like she’s been caught. Just keeps looking at Dani, curious, and Dani reaches for her glass just to give herself an excuse to break eye contact.
“Oh,” she says, surprised by the taste in her mouth, “that’s…” she takes another sip, then smacks her lips. “Different.”
“Bad different or good different?”
“Good, I think.” Dani tests the drink again. “Yeah, good.”
Jamie echoes her final word with a small chuckle and takes another draw from her own glass.
“So,” Jamie sighs, though not unhappily, and leans forward, arms stretching to rest across the top of the table until she’s bent far enough to see more than just Dani’s profile. “You got me here. Now what, Poppins?”
Dani has no idea. Except, it’s more like she has too many ideas, she finds it overwhelming and can’t pick one. She wants to get to know Jamie, wants to know everything about Jamie in a way that’s a little terrifying. She feels awkward beneath the drive to be bold and there’s just so much she wants to ask.
“What’s your favourite flavour of ice cream?” Is what ultimately leaves her mouth and she purses her lips, trying not to smile when Jamie’s eyes widen and her spine straightens.
“Blimey, diving right into the serious stuff, are we?” Jamie blows out a breath in a way that makes her lips vibrate and Dani’s valiant efforts dissolve into nothing. Jamie makes a show of readying herself, as though she’s about to leap out of a plane. “Hang on, let me have another drink before we get into this. I’ve got a feeling I’m going to need it.”
And, feeling the awkwardness begin to fall away, Dani laughs.
“-tells me that they’re behind the bookshelf and won’t come out.” Holding a drink - her third. Jamie had insisted Dani have as many as she wanted because it wasn’t like she was driving herself home anyway - in one hand, Dani gesticulates with the other while she speaks. Beside her, Jamie has worked herself back into the corner of the booth and pulled one leg towards her chest, foot resting on the worn cushion and her hand curled around her kneecap to hold it in place. “So I get the rest of them to sit at their tables and, I don’t know, start on an art project I think? Doesn’t really matter, they’re distracted. And I go over to the bookshelf and peek around the side of it and they’re-” Dani cuts herself off, putting the pint glass down and covering her face with her hands. She mutters something into them.
“Sorry, can’t hear you over the deafening roar of your own embarrassment,” Jamie’s laughing when Dani looks over, leaning her head back against the booth and knocking her leg against the rear cushion a few times in amusement. Dani makes the effort of shooting her a glare but suspects the smile she can feel tugging at her mouth takes the edge off.
“They’re comparing.” The glare lingers, but when Jamie’s eyes widen and her jaw drops in what appears to be outright glee, Dani’s embarrassment finally overrides it. She slumps against the backrest and closes her eyes against the cackling - there’s no other word for it - coming from her right.
“You’re joking!” Finally, Jamie is able to speak. She’s still grinning, though, and Dani rolls her eyes.
“I can assure you, I’m not.” Dani sniffs, haughty and unimpressed, which just makes Jamie laugh again and, well. It’s not like Dani finds the sound awful. It actually makes the back of her neck tingle, shaking little tremors along her spine.
“What did you do?” Jamie’s voice squeaks an octave or two higher on the last word and Dani throws her hands out in front of her.
“What could I do?” Dani rubs her fingertips against her forehead. “I calmly told them to, well, to put everything away and come back to class.”
“Calmy?” Jamie asks, eyebrow raised, unconvinced.
“I can be calm.” Dani scowls at her. “Anyway, I had to call their parents and explain everything. It was… not the most fun I had as a teacher.” She finishes the story with a half-smile and Jamie shakes her head slowly, awed.
“Bly must be a walk in the park for you coming from that.”
Dani tilts her head in an almost nod that she doesn’t quite commit to. She doesn’t know if she’d use those words exactly.
“Do you miss it?” Jamie asks, dropping her leg down and twisting her body back into a normal sitting position. She’s closer now though, their shoulders almost touching, and Dani’s eyes flit restlessly around the room as her heartbeat picks up. “Miss them?”
“Yeah,” she admits after a moment's thought, ducking her head. “I do. But,” she swallows, licks her lips, and glances sidelong at Jamie, “I don’t regret leaving. I…” Reaching down past all her nervousness, Dani grabs a handful of bravery and yanks it to the top. “I’m so... glad I came to Bly.” She curves her fingers around the glass that sits almost empty in front of her and taps the tips of them against the smooth surface. "That I was able to meet Miles and Flora, and Owen and Hannah. And you."
"Yeah? Well, I reckon they're pretty happy you did too." There's a twinkle in Jamie's eye, one that speaks to things unsaid, and the curve of Dani's lips is small but pleased.
She absent-mindedly combs her fingers through the front of her hair, adjusting it, and she can see Jamie in her periphery. Can see that she’s watching, tracking the movement of her hand and the bounce of blonde tresses as they fall into haphazard, pretty place. It reminds her of how Jamie's fingers had curled into them in the greenhouse, how they'd curled and tightened, and something hard and insistent tugs low in her belly.
Dani finishes her drink to distract herself and immediately regrets doing so when she hears Jamie sigh.
"It's getting late." The words leave the gardener's mouth sounding pretty, like everything Jamie says, but Dani swears she hears a hint of disappointment behind them. "I should probably get you back." She's kept her own drinking to a minimum, sticking to just the one to, "Make sure I get you home in one piece."
"Yeah," Dani agrees, wishing that she has some base on which to argue the fact. "I did tell Hannah it would only be an hour or two. She might need rescuing by now."
"You might be surprised by how efficiently Hannah can handle herself," Jamie muses with a wry smile, "even if those two do have her wrapped around their grubby little fingers."
Dani smiles, bobbing her head in agreement because, yes, she can definitely see Hannah Grose being capable of handling things.
There's a moment then, one that hangs suspended somewhere in infinite time where they just look at one another. Dani looks, and looks, and gets the distinct impression that there's something Jamie wants to say. Feels a kind of intuition stirring in the pit of her stomach that's telling her the same about herself. And maybe she's close to speaking, but then Jamie clears her throat and stands.
"Right, then." Jamie brushes her hands over the front of her pants and adjusts the shoulders of the shirt she's wearing. Dani catches herself tracking the journey of hard-working hands and forces her attention up. "Best start making tracks," Jamie says, but then she pauses, her eyes flicking over to Dani's. "Unless-"
"Yes?" Her own eagerness surprises her, but Jamie doesn't smirk at it like she usually might. In fact, Dani notes, she almost looks nervous.
"Unless you want to come up?" She jerks her thumb towards the door marked for staff behind her, the features of her face soft and unassuming. "I could show you around. It's not much but-"
"Okay." It's far too quick of an answer to even be considered nonchalant, not even in the same hemisphere as it, and Dani tries to reign herself in. "I-,” flounders, blushes “Yes.” Then, “I'd like that." A shaky inhale. "I'm kinda curious to see how many plants you’ve managed to squeeze into such a small space.”
The back stairs are steep and narrow, and they creek the whole way up. The single lightbulb hanging from the ceiling at the bottom of the stairs does little to illuminate their journey once they pass the halfway point and then the short landing leading to Jamie's room is nothing but shadow. Dani stumbles a little, toes catching on the top step, and she feels warm fingers close around her own.
"You okay?" Jamie's voice seems disembodied but Dani can feel her where they stand, where Dani had bumped into her and then steadied herself against Jamie's reassuring solidity.
"Yeah. Sorry. I-" Dani takes a breath, let's it out with an uncertain, airy laugh. "It's dark. I just tripped."
"Can't have you causing a fuss by falling and breaking your neck now, can we?" Jamie's hand lets go but only so she can lace their fingers together. "Davey might raise my rent."
She's moving again after that, leading Dani along behind her, and they cross the short distance to Jamie's room in a matter of seconds. Still unable to see anything, Dani hears the jingling of keys and the telltale click of a deadbolt turning, and then the door is squeaking open. Jamie steps over the threshold and flicks a switch, bringing the lights to life.
Jamie wasn't lying; it is little. It's tiny, really. Walking inside, Dani's shoes click over a tiled five-by-five square area in which the entire layout of the kitchen is confined. There's a very skinny fridge, a stove, and enough counter space for a sink, microwave, and a slice of space for her to prepare meals. Above, there are cupboards for storage and Dani sees her first signs of plant life peeking at her from the tops of them.
Outside of that, the floor is hardwood. Old and uneven, dark like the wood downstairs. To Dani's left is, well, a wall. It stands out a few feet, giving the illusion of an actual entryway, but it's wood rather than stone, as if added after the initial build. It's only once she's passed it that Dani realises it's a room of sorts.
"That's the bathroom," Jamie says, nodding towards it. "There wasn't one up here originally, but I didn't fancy walking down those stairs in the middle of the night, so Davey had one put in."
At the end of that wall, the stone picks up again, wrapping around the rest of the flat. Past the kitchen there's one large open area divided into two separate 'rooms' by a comfortable looking couch. In front of that, a small television set is perched on top of a table just barely big enough to hold it. Behind it and to the right is a bookshelf that holds more plants than it does the items for which it's intended and a threadbare armchair that looks well loved.
There's a bed lying out in the open on the opposite side of the room. A double that has nowhere else to go and so is forced to make itself a home where it stands. The duvet is cream coloured and patterned with lilacs, the metal frame a deep, paint-chipped green that curves up into a simple arching headboard at the top. There's filigree bent into the framework there that would look to be unforgiving on the back if not for the pillows lying against it.
There's another plant on a small bedside table and Dani knows this one; it's a spider plant. Two-tone in colour, its long leaves growing up and then sweeping down over the side of its rainbow coloured pot.
There's a window set into the very far wall and three more plants, these ones showing off pretty petals, that call its sill home.
“Yeah,” Jamie says, unprompted, exhaling the word as she closes the door behind them. “Like I said, it’s not much but-”
“I think it’s lovely.” Dani’s easy dismissal is genuine; she really does find the place quite charming.
“I won’t be able to hold house parties any time soon, but lucky for me, I don’t get enough company to warrant writing up a guest list. Owen hasn’t even been up here.”
“Does that make me special?” Dani smiles, wide and toothy, happiness fluttering inside her chest. Jamie ducks her head but glances up at her, the ghost of a smile playing across red lips as she looks at Dani in that way she does. Like she knows a secret and is willing to share, if Dani will come close enough for Jamie to whisper it in her ear.
“I think there might be a few things that make you special, Poppins.” It slips from Jamie so effortlessly and Dani wonders if she’s always been like this. If the easy flirtation is just one of Jamie’s many innate talents. Just one of the things she’s good at. Very, very good at.
Dani is a painful flirt. Partly due to the fact that she’s never really had to practice that skill - she and Eddie had been together almost their entire lives, she’d never had to win him over with coy glances and subtle innuendo - but also because she’s pretty sure that kind of thing just isn’t in her DNA. She’s sure a person has to be wired right in order to be able to look at someone the way Jamie is looking at her. To say things like Jamie does, in such an offhand manner.
Fairly certain that there’s a blush colouring her cheeks, Dani distracts herself by walking slowly around the flat and inspecting everything at a respectable distance. It’s not as though she’s opening cupboards, but she takes note of every minor detail she can see; the sunflower print tea towel hanging over the oven handle, the cactus salt and pepper shakers, and a tin labeled “Tea”. The tin has been hand painted, covered in daisies and tulips, and lillies.
“Present off the kids,” Jamie tells her and Dani glances back at her, watching as she approaches. “They gave it to me for Christmas last year.” Her arm brushes Dani’s as she passes by her to pick the tin up, turning it around in her hands to show Dani the whole landscape of the thing. The flowers continue around and even colour the lid, except for an oval in the middle that bears Jamie’s name.
“That’s adorable.” Dani feels a fondness swell beneath her breastbone.
“Yeah,” Jamie says with a quiet laugh and a small nod of her head. She returns the tin to the counter and points to something in the opposite corner of the room. “Owen got me that.” She sets off towards whatever ‘that’ is and Dani trails after her. They stop at the bookshelf, the light from the kitchen not reaching them quite as well despite only being a few feet away. Jamie picks up a small bronze statue perched in front of a row of gardening-themed books; it’s a rabbit, leaning on the handle of a shovel, the tip of which is buried in a small mound of earth, wearing overalls and a straw hat. “Said it reminded him of me.”
Dani lets out a boisterous laugh and takes the statue in both her hands when Jamie offers it to her. She lifts it towards her face, looking intently first at it, then at Jamie. She scrunches her mouth to the side, like she’s trying to make up her mind.
“I mean, I can see the resemblance.” She grins as she says it, offering the statue back. “You both wear overalls, you both like to dig around in the dirt...” And when Jamie turns her back to return the rabbit to its rightful place, Dani feels a sudden surge of bravery. “You’re both cute.” She watches as Jamie pauses, tapping her index finger a few times against the heavy metal before drawing her hand away completely and pivoting to face Dani once more.
“Is that right?” Jamie asks, tone bordering on sly, one lone eyebrow cocked and aimed, and Dani nods. “D’you think I’ve got big ears, too?” Jamie crosses her arms over her chest, raising both eyebrows now in a playful challenge.
“No,” Dani scoffs, but finds the action difficult to accomplish with the way the corners of her mouth are being persistently pulled upward. “I don’t- I think your ears are, they’re-they’re the perfect size.” She silently curses herself for being so easily flustered and thrown off balance by Jamie. She isn’t like this with anyone else, can’t ever remember suffering the same social sickness in the past. Apparently it’s just Jamie.
And that scares Dani as much as it thrills her.
“Perfectly splendid, yeah?” Jamie settles her with a wry smile.
“Yeah. Exactly.”
And the longer they look at one another, the harder Dani finds it to tear her gaze away. It’s almost as though Jamie has her very own gravitational pull, despite the fact that she walks around wearing the demeanour of someone who wants to push other people away.
“You look nice.” Jamie steps away from the bookshelf, putting herself right in front of Dani once more, a very short distance away. She lets her eyes travel down the length of Dani’s body and back up again. Unabashed. Purposeful. Brash. “I don’t think I said that earlier and I should have.” Sincere.
Dani’s skin prickles under the attention, the careful cadence of Jamie’s voice.
"Me? What about you! You look-" Dani wants to say something other than the words just spoken to her, but her mind is only grasping at ones that are maybe too big for right now. Then again, maybe not. She struggles with that for a noticeable few seconds before deciding just to defeatedly gesture towards Jamie and mutter an awed, “I don’t have the words,” and hopes the other woman will understand.
Jamie ducks her head, bashful almost, lips curving and she slides her hands into the rear pockets of her trousers as she lifts vibrant blue-green eyes back to Dani's face.
And the actions alone are innocuous enough, unremarkable. But paired together, they ignite dynamite inside of Dani, the rapidly burning fuse of which draws a line directly from her to Jamie.
So, like a moth to a flame, Dani follows it.
The distance is easily closed and Dani’s hands find Jamie’s face without issue, and then it’s easier still - easier than walking, than breathing - for Dani to bring their lips together. Chaste but firm, the kind of quick kiss you give someone because you feel like you might go mad if you have to wait a single moment longer. She pulls back to look at Jamie after a few seconds, takes in the shape of her face and mildly surprised expression. Watches as her eyes open and that shock melts away under the searing heat of something Dani has only felt once before.
But she feels it again now.
She surges forward into another kiss, the momentum pushing Jamie into the wall behind her, and Dani can’t wait, can’t help herself. She licks slowly into Jamie’s mouth, exhaling loudly through her nose with a whimper that betrays her desperation so thoroughly, she should probably be embarrassed. But then Jamie is making a sound in the back of her throat - an almost-growl that Dani feels reverberate through her body - and kissing her back as she struggles to free her hands from her pockets. When she finally does, they grip hard at Dani’s hips, fingertips pressing into the bone and tugging her closer until they’re completely flush.
It’s like every nerve ending in Dani’s body lights up and she wonders, briefly, if this is what people mean when they talk about fireworks going off.
Jamie’s hands pull at her hips, her waist, her shirt, only stilling when they succeed at untucking the latter from her jeans and then clumsily find their way underneath to press flat palms against warm skin for the first time.
Jamie whines, high-pitched and needy.
And something like a gunshot goes off inside Dani’s head, signaling the start of a race she’s suddenly in dire need of winning. But her breath hitches at the touch and Jamie uses that opportunity to break the kiss. With a small grunt of disappointment, Dani tries to lean back in, but Jamie’s hands tighten on her waist and she stills, resting their foreheads together instead.
“Dani…” Jamie’s voice is low, rough in a way that makes Dani’s fingers curl into her short hair, and Dani knows what she's going to say.
They've been here before.
Last time, Dani had still been afraid. Of what she felt, how strongly she felt it, and what it meant. However, she's found that the more time she spends in Jamie's presence, the less fear she feels. Her guilt and shame had been burned away in a bonfire and Dani is done with letting ghosts of the past lead her through life.
She's done being scared.
Still, she can hear the fear in Jamie's voice now, almost buried beneath need and desire but very distinctly there. She can feel it in the way she's holding Dani; firmly enough to make it clear that she wants Dani to stay, but without the suggestion of possession making it so Dani feels she can't leave.
Dani brushes her nose against Jamie’s, light and gentle, and trails her thumb along the line of the gardener’s jaw. She wishes she could find the right words for what she wants to say - there's so much she wants to say - but instead she settles for pouring everything she feels into the name of the woman who had walked into the kitchen of Bly Manor that first day and caught Dani.
"Jamie."
When Dani herself didn't quite realise she'd been falling.
And she marvels at the way Jamie lets go of the breath she'd been holding. Shakey and afraid, but also relieved. This time when Dani tries to kiss her, Jamie lets her.
There’s no preamble, no building toward anything. Dani does not slip into the shallow end of the pool and slowly wade deeper. She dives and Jamie matches her stroke for stroke. It’s fast and it’s slow, hands dragging and grasping fervently while their kisses remain long and thorough. Not really exploring, because Dani’s already found whatever she might otherwise be looking for. No, it’s more like slowly sinking into something. Something that she doesn’t need to explore to know is safe and warm.
Jamie’s hands slink higher, curving over ribs, and when her thumbs graze the underside of Dani’s breasts through her bra, slender fingers fist themselves around soft curls. She gasps, a muted cry, breaking the kiss and unconsciously arching into Jamie. Her grip on Jamie’s hair is, she knows, probably too tight, but she can’t make her hand release. The muscles, the bones, they won’t relax and so she’s left holding Jamie’s head to hers, pressing her forehead hard into Dani’s as Dani drags in breath after laboured breath.
It’s the surprise of it, she thinks. Of feeling so much from something so small, so simple. The why of it doesn’t really matter, though, because a second later Jamie’s hands are moving to her back, fingertips digging into shoulder blades and dragging dull lines of need downward, pulling Dani’s upper body closer in the process.
“Too many clothes,” Jamie whispers against Dani’s lips, tilting her head in Dani’s grasp - briefly, Dani thinks of how it must sting her scalp but Jamie doesn’t seem to mind and oh, that thought does something new to her body - to steal a kiss. Then another, and another.
The backs of Dani’s legs hit something solid. She jerks away from Jamie’s mouth to look down and is surprised to see that they’ve managed to walk their way to the opposite side of the room. That the solid object behind Dani is, in fact, Jamie’s bed. Breathing heavily, Dani looks back to Jamie and finds herself surprised once again, moreso this time perhaps.
Because the front of Jamie’s shirt is very nearly completely undone and Dani’s fingers, the apparent culprits, have stalled in the middle of unfastening the last button. There’s a moment of panic then, flaring to life behind Dani’s ribs, but it isn’t herself she’s concerned with. She knows that she wants this, isn’t sure she’s ever wanted anything more, but being unable to read Jamie’s mind gives her pause.
But then she meets Jamie’s eyes, vibrant and wild, and shining in the dim light, and Dani knows. Feels it in the small, almost unnoticeable curve at the corner of Jamie’s mouth. Feels it in the way Dani sees her swallow and in the weight of Jamie’s hands on her hips, holding tight as if to stop herself from doing something. Anything. As if forcing herself to wait, to go slow, to let Dani set the pace.
Eyes never leaving Jamie’s, Dani’s fingers work the final button free.
And she smiles at the shaky breath Jamie blows out when Dani walks her fingers up along the newly revealed strip of skin. Smiles, even bites her lip, as she slides her hands over Jamie’s shoulders and under her shirt, pushing it away from her body.
They fall together, maybe easier than they should, and Jamie’s hands worship Dani, light touches growing heavier as they press together.
"I lied earlier," Jamie confesses, breathless, near panting, holding herself up so that she can gaze down at Dani with a look that makes Dani’s chest ache. "You're fucking stunning," Jamie says, so sincere that Dani believes her. “D’you know that? Do you have any idea how-” It’s too much, and Dani grabs at the back of Jamie’s neck, pulling her in for another kiss.
The night is long.
It’s slow and it’s passionate, and it’s freeing in a way Dani hadn’t realised it could be.
Freeing in a way that makes her never want to let go.
But Jamie doesn’t seem to mind the way Dani clings.
Night melds seamlessly into morning, going almost unnoticed by Dani - she thinks by Jamie, too - but she’s aware enough to note that the world beyond the window is waking as she drifts off to sleep. Naked, and happy, and wrapped around Jamie.
And hoping, praying, that Hannah will forgive her for getting back late.