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The bell dinged. “Welcome to Parker’s Costuming.” a friendly voice chirped.
Tony stared the man down. “I want to speak to the manager.”
The man looked around. “Okay…”
“Chop, chop.”
The man stuck out his hand. “I’m Peter. I’m the owner, and the manager. And everything really.”
Tony looked him up and down in the way that made CEOs question their every decision.
The man looked around again. "You wanted to talk to me?”
Tony sucked in a breath. “It has come to my attention that you are selling Iron Man costumes.”
“Yes…” The man, Peter, gestured at the racks on the other side of the room. “Everyone is. You saved New York. Avengers’ costumes are almost as popular as Joker costumes.”
“And I might just buy DC comics to do something about that.”
Peter squinted at him.
“Later.” Tony said, getting back to his point. “You are selling Iron Man costumes.”
“Yes,” Peter frowned. “You’re a public figure. Not a copyrighted character.”
“You are selling the worst, most poorly made, knock off version of the Iron Man armor I have ever seen.”
“Oh, oh, oh, those costumes.”
“Yes,” Tony growled “those costumes.”
Peter gestured vaguely to a different wall of the shop. “They’re over there if you want one.”
Tony side-eyed the rack in question. “I would buy them all and burn them. But I’m afraid that would just encourage you.”
Peter was quiet for a moment then said. “All sales are final?”
“Why are you selling red sweat pants with construction paper pinned to it and daring to call it Iron Man Mark 69?”
“Honestly?” Peter straightened a bit. “Because people will buy it.”
“Why?”
“Because Iron-y Man was a bit too self aware for the people coming in looking for the lowest tech Iron Man costume they could find.”
“Ok, I’m starting to respect you as a businessman. It's just the rest of humanity I’m losing faith in.”
Peter shrugged. “Two years ago there were all those fancy costumes with the Airbrushed painting and the LEDs. This is the backlash against that.”
Tony couldn’t quite hold on to his righteous fury but said petulantly. “That doesn’t make it right.”
Peter snorted. “If I can swallow people coming in and claiming that thousands of years of textile development isn’t technology, you can handle knowing somewhere in the world people are dressing up as really shitty versions of you.”
“Thousands of years of technology?” Tony asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Humans started wearing clothing over 100,000 years ago. Needles were invented at least 40,000 years ago. The earliest known dyed fibers come only 4,000 years later. By 25,000 years ago clothing was common enough to be included on carved sculptures. The earliest existing,” Peter raised a finger to emphasize the word “Are from 8,000 BCE. People have been figuring out how to make cloth, dye it, and sew it together for almost 10,000 years. Making fabric on it’s own is a complicated process that has been invented and forgotten and reengineered hundreds of times over thousands of years. And you might want to stop me now if you don’t want to hear about how the drop spindle has been invented all over the world to make yarn.
Peter could feel the man looking him up and down. He was used to it. He got the ‘what to do with the crazy’ look a lot.
Tony looked him in the eye. “You know what, I would like to hear about the invention of the drop spindle.”
Peter blinked.
“Maybe over dinner?”