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“Do you ever wish you could go back to the Silver City?” Chloe asked one evening out of the blue.
Lucifer almost spat out his scotch, the only reason he hadn’t was the sheer worth of the amber liquid in his mouth. But, for once in his life, he didn't relish the burn of the alcohol at the back of his throat.
“Beg your pardon?” Lucifer choked out, glaring at his glass.
Chloe shrugged from her spot on the luxurious couch of the penthouse.
“You heard me. I was just wondering since you hate Hell so much and all that.”
“Of course I hate Hell. Who doesn't? I might be the Devil, but it's Hell to me too. Besides, I've told you before, darling. This is my home, now.” Here with you went unsaid, but Chloe heard it nonetheless.
“I know that. What about before? You've spent eons locked away in Hell. Did you never once wish to go back?”
Lucifer gritted his teeth and clenched his fists, cracking his crystal glass.
“You don't know what you're asking of me, Detective,” he managed as she observed him.
“Of course you did,” she stated after long enough a moment that Lucifer had assumed she had dropped the subject.
He bristled, picked his cigarette holder and his lighter up and stormed out to the balcony.
“I would have, too,” she mused quietly, knowing perfectly well he would hear her regardless. “If my mom and my dad had kicked me out, no matter why or where I would have ended up, surely I would have wanted to go back home at some point. Whether to make peace or argue some more I can’t say. Probably either one in rotation if I’m honest.”
He sniffed in disgust, clearly indicating his thoughts on the matter as she joined him on the balcony, leaning against the railing next to him.
“Did the good doctor put you up to this?” Lucifer asked as he threw away the butt of his cigarette and lit up another one.
“No. And she doesn’t need to. It’s called being concerned, Lucifer. What happened to you was unfair.” He snorted and threw her a look that clearly said ‘Don’t you think I know that?’ but she forged on. “I don’t think you realize how deeply unfair it was, Lucifer.”
“Of course I bloody do, Detective!” He thundered. “I was the one who was thrown out, not you. I was the one who burned in a lake of fire,” his devil form flickered through his human skin, whether it was intentional or not, Chloe couldn’t tell, “not you. I was the one who suffered, not you. I was the one who was vilified, not you.”
His eyes still glowed crimson, but Chloe didn’t let it affect her, not anymore.
“I don’t think you do,” she repeated. “You were kicked out because you asked a question, right? Do you realize that if I had done the same thing to Trixie, I would have kicked her out when she was barely three years old? I don’t care that your parents are literally God and the Goddess of Creation. They wronged you. So I ask again, when you think about going back to the Silver City, what do you do when you get there?”
Lucifer’s anger slowly deflated as she spoke. He didn’t know why he still doubted her sometimes. No. That was a lie. He knew why he doubted people in general. He had always been burned by everyone after all. What he didn’t know was how to override that instinct when it came to Chloe. At the end of the day, he knew that, despite Father Kinley’s best attempts, Chloe would always be in his corner.
“It changed over the eons,” he admitted. “As I lay in Hell, my flesh burning and my wings ruined beyond anything you could imagine, I would have begged Dad. And I did. Later, as I sat upon that wretched throne, I would have waged a war against Him. I came closer to it than anyone has ever realized. The order sat at the back of my throat, ready to be bellowed more often than I can count, but my pride stopped me everytime.”
Lucifer sighed and flicked the ashes of his cigarette before he took a drag, repeating the motions as he let his thoughts run ahead.
“Why?” Chloe prompted after a moment and he hummed in question, having almost forgotten her presence. “Why did it stop you?”
“Well. At the end of the day, the demons are my creation. I remember the pain I was in, the humiliation I felt after my defeat to this day still. Back then, it was too fresh for me to want to impose the same fate upon my army. I am many things, Detective, but a fool is not one of them. I know my demons cannot hold their own against my Father’s army. Maze can barely keep up with Amenadiel. She wouldn’t stand a chance if many of my siblings rushed her all at once,” he paused to consider her, grimacing. “You’d do well to keep that to yourself if we don’t want to unleash a pissed off Maze upon LA.”
Chloe chuckled and bumped his shoulder with hers.
“Your secret’s safe with me. But for the record, I think it shows you care.”
“Does it, now?”
“Mhmm. You’re not saying that because you don’t believe in her. You’re saying that because you know her limits and you don’t want anything terrible happening to her.”
“I suppose you’re right,” he said thoughtfully as he raised his cigarette to his mouth. “Bloody Hell,” he muttered when he realized it had burnt away.
“And now?” Chloe asked. “What do you think of when you think of the Silver City?”
He huffed a self-deprecating laugh and shook his head slowly.
“Too many things all at once, darling,” he admitted, giving her one of his soft looks reserved exclusively for her.
“Talk me through them, maybe it’ll help,” she offered.
He sighed, wishing he had a glass of scotch with him, but he settled for lighting yet another cigarette.
“When I think of the Silver City now, above all else, it hurts. It hurts because I know you will go there someday, far away still in your eyes, but always too early in mine. That is the curse of immortality. I learned the lesson with Eve back in the days, or so I thought. The truth is that losing you scares me half to death, Detective,” he said quietly, his eyes fixed on the horizon. “That day at the loft when Cain shot you, for too awful a moment I thought it was all over. Grief blinded me, but rage simmered under my skin. For a moment I knew myself to be the dangerous monster Christianity had depicted me as since the dawn of their time. I was confronted with your mortality and it nearly drove me insane.”
As soon as Lucifer had mentioned Cain, Chloe had moved closer to him to rub his back comfortingly.
“I apprehend the day of your passing, Detective. Therefore, nowadays, when I think of the Silver City, pain comes first, but it is quickly followed by grief, fear and anxiety, the two sisters. There’s much regret too, due to the fact that I’ll never follow you and I know it. And I think I could storm the Gates if it meant I would get one more minute in your company. But as much as it will pain me to be separated from you, I never want to see you in Hell. It is no place for you, my love.”
They stood silent shoulder to shoulder for long minutes, both lost to their own thoughts as Chloe kept running her hand up and down Lucifer’s back.
“What about you, darling? What do you think of when you think of the Silver City?”
Chloe shrugged as she offered him half a smile.
“You know up until recently, Heaven didn’t exist for me. It was just a place people who couldn’t grieve properly used to keep some form of hope in their life, so I haven’t given it as much thought as you have.”
They both huffed a laugh and she removed her hand from his back, lacing their fingers together instead.
“But, I’ll tell you this. I have mixed feelings. I don’t know how it works and I’m not sure I want to so I don’t want to get my hopes up. But, on one hand, going to the Silver City means getting to see my dad again and you know, better than anyone, what that would mean to me. It means that, one day, I might be reunited with Trixie and all of my friends. But that’s just it. I’ll never know where they’ll end up until they die. What if Ella never makes it to the Silver City and I forget about her? What if it ends up just being me and my dad for all eternity? I love him, but I’ll miss all of you. I’ll miss you. I’m scared of whether it’ll be worth it in the end or not.”
“Would it be too on the nose to say ‘Be not afraid?’” Lucifer quipped, making her chuckle.
“Just a little,” she teased back.
“Well, damn.”
She laughed with him and rested her head on his shoulder.
“Truth is, I’m scared. Because before I thought dying was nothing but an ending. No more conscious thoughts, no more of anything to be honest. And now I’m faced with the realization that things are going to happen after I die and I guess… I guess I’m struggling with the concepts of life and death if one is going to bleed into the other.”
“My sister would probably be of more help than me on the matter, I’m afraid. But I believe Doctor Linda has had a similar issue. She’d probably gladly share her breakthrough if she had any.”
Chloe nodded thoughtfully.
“I’ll talk with her. Since we’re the only two mortals in the know, at least for now, we’ve only got each other to rely on. I know you, Maze and Amenadiel are doing your best to support us, but you’ll never see things from our point of view, no matter how hard you try. And I know you do.”
She pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek and he gave her a hard squeeze.
“Come on,” Chloe said, giving him a little shove. “Let’s get back inside. We can put a movie on or something. But thank you for opening up. It means a lot to me.”
Lucifer pushed himself away from the railing and rose to his full height, turning to face her.
“The good doctor implied relationships were about sharing and that I needed to do it more. I’m trying.”
“'Implied?'” Chloe teased with an eyebrow raised.
He gave her a sheepish shrug and she chuckled, gently pulling him into the penthouse.
“Thank you for trying, really.”
Both of them had to put effort into this relationship to make it work and while that was something Chloe knew already, it was something Lucifer had to learn but his eagerness and willingness to do so gave her hope. As she curled herself into his side on his couch, she couldn’t help but marvel at how open to change Lucifer was.
And if she was already working on a plan to get to spend eternity with him, that was for her to know and for him to deal with it once she was in Hell.