Chapter Text
Buck woke slowly, stretching his long limbs out over the arms of the couch. Reaching over to the end table, he grabbed his phone and lit up the screen. Less than a minute to go until his alarm was set to go off. Grinning to himself, he turned it off and sat up, stretching out the crick in his neck. Truth be told, he hated sleeping on Eddie’s couch, but a stiff neck and cramped legs was a price he was more than willing to pay to spend every precious minute he could with the Diaz boys.
In the kitchen the automatic coffee maker switched on, sputtering and puffing as it began to brew. The bird that had made her nest in the tree outside the window was greeting the sun with a cheerful song. There was something so comforting about the atmosphere of the Diaz household, a warmth that surrounded him and filled his heart. Whatever it was, Buck wished he could bottle it so he'd have it on nights when he was alone in his loft.
“Morning.”
Buck looked up to find Eddie standing in the doorway, eyes half open and a sleepy smile on his face. His sweatpants hung low enough on his hips that a bit of skin was visible beneath the hem of his wrinkled t-shirt. The only word that Buck could think of to describe him was “soft.” A plush blanket on a cold night, a delicate afternoon sunbeam shining through the window. Being allowed to see Eddie so soft and vulnerable was an honor Buck would never take for granted.
Maybe it wasn’t the house. Maybe it was Eddie that felt like home.
“Good morning,” Buck smiled, standing up with a stretch. “I’m going to get started on breakfast while you and Chris do his stretches. You want eggs or pancakes?”
“I… don’t know,” Eddie said, scratching the back of his head. “I still need to pack his lunch and check his homework.”
“Oh I did that last night,” Buck said casually, waving him off when Eddie’s brows shot up in surprise. “I was bored while you were putting him to bed, so I made myself useful.”
Eddie stared at him for a moment, eyes shining with an emotion Buck couldn’t name. “Marry me.”
Those two simple words, though clearly said in jest, sent Buck’s heart into hyper speed. Eddie had no idea that Buck would drive them to the courthouse at that very moment if Eddie were serious. But that was just a daydream, so Buck pasted on what he hoped was a convincingly cocky grin and tried to calm his heart back to a normal pace. “You’re way too young to settle, Eddie. Don’t give up so easily.”
Eddie’s sleepy smile dropped from his face in an instant. For a moment he considered Buck with an alarming amount of intensity for having been half asleep just a few seconds prior. “Buck…”
“Good morning!” Christopher cheered, wrapping his arms around Eddie’s waist and burying his face in his side.
Eddie smiled down at his son, ruffling his messy curls. “Good morning, buddy.”
Grateful that the awkward moment had passed, Buck turned his attention to the little boy. “I’ll let you decide what’s for breakfast, Chris. Pancakes and fruit, or omelettes and hashbrowns?”
Chris scrunched his face up adorably as he considered his options, then gave Buck a blinding smile. “Omelettes, please! Can I have salsa on mine?”
“You got it!” Buck reached down to dance his fingertips over Christopher’s ribs as he walked by, making him burst into a fit of giggles. “It’ll be ready by the time you’re done with your stretches.”
He avoided meeting Eddie’s gaze as he moved into the kitchen. Buck knew he would see the same blend of concern and distress he always saw when he made a self-depricating joke. Moving about the room with a confidence granted by familiarity, he navigated the kitchen on autopilot, pulling out the skillet and moving to the fridge to fetch the ingredients. He was just about to reach for the eggs when arms slipped under his and encircled his waist, pulling him back flush against a warm, solid chest. Eddie rested his chin on Buck’s shoulder, leaning their heads against one another. Buck’s heart sped up to the pace of a hummingbird as heat emanated from every point of contact, spreading throughout his body.
“I wouldn’t be settling,” Eddie whispered. He gently touched his lips to Buck’s cheek, squeezed his midsection, then slipped away as if nothing had happened.
For a moment Buck stood right where Eddie left him, the fridge still wide open but doing nothing to cool the desire that had lit Buck’s entire body on fire. His heart was pounding, mind churning through Eddie’s words and trying to find the meaning he hoped was buried deep within them.
…
Throughout breakfast, his shower, and the ride to Christopher’s school, Buck couldn’t stop thinking about the moment he’d shared with Eddie in the kitchen. The other man’s words echoed in Buck’s mind, and his body was still buzzing where Eddie had held him. Tapping his fingertips on his knee, Buck stared out of the window as Eddie drove. Maybe he wasn’t just hoping without reason. Maybe there really had been meaning in Eddie’s words beyond what was on the surface.
“Are you okay?”
Buck startled when Eddie spoke. Silence had settled over them after they dropped Chris off at school, and Eddie's concerned voice had shattered it like a plate glass window. He plastered on a smile that he knew didn't reach his eyes, hoping that Eddie was too focused on the road to notice.
“I’m great!”
“Really?” Eddie questioned, one brow raising as he glanced over at him again. “Because you’ve been pretty quiet all morning.”
“Just a lot on my mind.”
“Anything you want to talk about?”
He could just go for it. Throw caution to the wind and hope that their friendship was strong enough to survive unrequited feelings. He was tired of hiding it, tired of worrying that Eddie was going to meet someone else, tired of not having Eddie’s arms around him the way they had been that morning. Buck absentmindedly ran his fingers over the spot where Eddie had pressed his hands into Buck’s chest. His heart pounded against his palm. It was the perfect moment.
“Nah, I’m okay.” Buck waved his hand dismissively, because he was a coward. “Any plans for this weekend?”
Eddie glanced over at him pensively, but as always, he seemed to pick up on Buck’s need for a change of topic. “Yeah, Abuela needs some yard work done.”
As Eddie talked to him about his plans with Christopher and his Abuela the next day, Buck took the opportunity to observe him without fear of awkwardness. Gone were the lines of worry that Buck felt some responsibility for causing, replaced by a fond smile and a crinkle in the corners of Eddie’s eyes. With one hand on the wheel, he described the dish Abuela had promised in exchange for a mowed lawn, gesticulating with the other hand. Buck’s chest was almost numb from how much his heart had been pounding that morning, but it was something he’d gotten used to the more time he spent around his best friend. But as Eddie glanced over at him with a glint in his eye and a soft curve to his lips, telling Buck he should come along, his heart thumped a little harder than it had before. Maybe it was time Buck opened his chest up and relieved the pressure. Maybe it was time he gave to Eddie the heart that was causing so much damage to the inside of his ribcage.
“You don’t think Isobel would mind?” he asked hesitantly.
“Are you kidding me?” Eddie scoffed, brows higher than normal as he watched the road. “Sometimes I think Abuela loves you more than me.”
Buck smiled, trying to ignore the fact that there were two possible meanings to that sentence. “Then I’d love to.”
“Great! When we get off work in the morning we’ll go home, catch a few hours of sleep, then pick up Chris from school and head over.”
Buck knew that Eddie most likely meant their respective homes, but with his jeep at Eddie's house, Buck could just claim he's too tired to drive. It was an excuse he used often. “Sounds good.”
Once their plans were set they lapsed into a more comfortable silence than before, which unfortunately allowed Buck’s mind to wander back through the events of that morning a few more times. Before he knew it they were pulling into the station. With a quick survey of the parking lot as they got out, Buck knew the rest of the team was there already. They walked through the open bay doors with their bags on their shoulders, side by side like they did most mornings. Chim was in the back of one of the ambulances, a clipboard in hand and an intensely focused look on his face until he noticed them. He waved a quick greeting, then refocused on his task. Hen and a few others were rolling out and checking the hoses, and she called out a hello as they passed by on their way to the locker room.
“Hurry up and change, boys! Breakfast is almost ready!” Bobby called from the loft, the sizzle of bacon echoing through the vaulted ceiling.
“Buck already took care of me, Cap,” Eddie called back, shooting Buck a grin that sent a flash of heat straight to the blond’s face. “Thanks for teaching him how to make an omelette, by the way.”
Bobby looked amused as he looked over the railing. “You’re welcome.”
Eddie nudged his shoulder against Buck’s with a wink and headed for the locker room. Buck stayed rooted to the spot, watching Eddie walk away.
He heard his name and looked up to find Bobby still at the railing, watching him with obvious amusement. The older man raised his eyebrows pointedly and tilted his head to indicate the direction of the locker room. “Don’t waste time.”
Buck wasn’t stupid or as oblivious as some assumed him to be. Even from so far away, he could see it in Bobby’s eyes that he wasn’t just talking about getting changed into his uniform. Bobby could read his entire team like an open book. If he saw something there, maybe it wasn’t as one sided as Buck thought.
He smiled up at his Captain. “Understood.”
…
Over the months since he’d realized his feelings for his best friend, Buck had gotten very good at keeping himself focused on the job. He didn’t allow himself to stare at Eddie, no matter how beautiful he was with sweat glistening on his sunkissed face as he worked out, or how good his arms looked with the sleeves of his uniform rolled up. Buck was a professional, he could control himself. That day, however, something was different. Something had changed the moment Eddie slipped his arms around him and held him to his chest. If he wasn’t watching Eddie go about his chores around the station, Buck was thinking about him and weighing his options. He did his best to focus, but he knew it was a losing battle.
Unfortunately, his struggle didn’t go unnoticed. They were on their way to a kitchen fire around noon when Hen bumped her shoulder into his to get his attention. He looked away from the window to find her watching him with a suspicious look. She took off her headset and motioned for him to do the same.
“You okay, Buckaroo?” she asked, leaning closer so they could hear each other. “You’ve been awfully quiet this morning.”
“I’m fine. I’m just…” Buck shot a quick glance to the other side of the cab, where Eddie was laughing at something Chim had said. The sound always filled his chest with a joyous buzz. “...thinking.”
There was something about Hen’s smirk that made him nervous, but when she nodded her head and patted his knee, he relaxed. “I got you. You know you can talk to me about anything, right? No judgement.”
“I know,” he nodded, grateful to have a friend like her. “I might take you up on that later.”
“I don’t know the whole situation, but if it’s what I think it is, let me impart some wisdom on you, Buck.” She tapped her finger on his chest. “Follow that big heart of yours. It’ll take you where you need to be.”
He smiled, a calmness settling over him for the first time since that morning. “Thanks, Hen.”
…
Buck felt like he was boiling inside his turnout coat. He jammed the jaws of life into the side of a crushed car door, slowly but steadily freeing an unconscious woman from the driver’s seat of a Prius as Hen monitored her vitals. The mid afternoon sun was blinding and brutally hot, but Buck kept his focus on Hen and the woman they were trying to save. The door finally popped open with a loud creak of metal being bent. As soon as Buck wrenched the door open the rest of the way he stepped back and a few other medics swooped in with a backboard, ready to assist Hen in carefully extracting the woman.
A panicked and desperate cry for help pulled his attention to the other side of the scene, where a man was standing next to the passenger door of a mangled sedan. Several people were rushing to the car, Eddie leading the group as he pushed past the man to get to the passenger. Buck was only able to watch for a moment before Bobby gave him a new task and he moved on.
He was busy helping with triage when the shouting started and his attention snapped back over to the other side of the scene. Buck could clearly see the anger on the man’s face despite the distance between them, and he seemed to be directing it at Eddie. It was impossible to discern exactly what the man was saying between his sobs, but based on Eddie’s expression and the fact that the man was being held back by another firefighter, it wasn’t good. Eddie said something to him then, too quiet for Buck to hear. That seemed to intensify the man’s fury, and he started struggling against the arms holding him back. Eddie said something else then turned and walked away, eyes downcast and shoulders sagging as the man continued shouting. Buck knew from just Eddie’s body language what had happened, and the man’s rage only confirmed it.
They were packing up the truck when Buck finally got the chance to talk to Eddie. Buck watched him slam shut the compartment on the side of the ladder truck, shoulders tense and stiff, mouth set in a firm line. He knew from experience that Eddie wouldn’t want to talk about it so soon, but that would never stop Buck from offering him a shoulder to lean on.
“Hey,” Buck called, offering a sympathetic smile when Eddie noticed him. “I’m here if you need to talk.”
In that instant Eddie went from looking like he could dent the firetruck with one punch, to looking like he may shatter at a moment’s notice. “Thanks.”
They finished packing up the truck in silence, but Buck kept an eye on Eddie. By the time they finished Eddie looked less angry at the world, but his shoulders still slouched with the weight of guilt. When it was time to head back, Buck took the seat right beside Eddie. Once they were strapped in, Eddie leaned heavily against Buck’s side with a loaded sigh, tilting his head back against the seat and closing his eyes. Buck was thankful that he was able to supply him even a small amount of comfort. Careful not to push Eddie away, Buck extracted his arm from between them and draped it around Eddie’s shoulders, pulling him as close as their seatbelts would allow, uncaring of how many pairs of eyes were currently on them. With the way Eddie practically melted into his side, Buck had to assume that he didn’t care what the others thought either. Neither one of them said a word on the way to the station, but Buck held on tight to Eddie for the entire drive.
They were the last two out of the truck when they got there. They shucked off their turnout gear side by side, Eddie’s eyes fixed on the floor and Buck’s on Eddie. Without a word Eddie headed for the showers. Buck watched him go, wishing there was something he could do to help him.
“He made the right call,” said Chimney.
Buck shrugged. “I don’t even know what happened.”
“Eddie checked on the victim when we first got there and marked her as stable. There were a few others who were obviously critical, so we prioritized them,” Chim explained. He stuck his hands in his pockets to try and seem casual, but he looked like he felt as guilty as Eddie did. “Apparently she was bleeding internally and he missed it. She crashed and we couldn’t get her back.”
Buck let out a deep breath, running a hand over his face. “And he blames himself.”
“Yep. So did the woman’s husband. But like I said, he made the right call with the information he had. I tried to tell him that, but he wouldn’t listen.”
“Let’s give him some space to process and I’ll talk to him in a little while.”
The older man turned to Buck and crossed his arms over his chest. “What about you? You’ve been awfully quiet today. You okay?”
Buck’s brows shot up. Despite the years he’d known them, he was always surprised when his friends noticed that something was wrong. It made him feel seen and loved. “Yeah, Chim. I’m okay. Just have a lot on my mind.”
Chimney studied him for a moment, smacking his gum. He looked around the station, and once satisfied that no one was close enough to hear him, he leaned in and whispered to Buck. “Is this about your thing for Eddie? You’ve been staring at him more than usual today.”
Buck’s eyes widened, mortified at being caught staring. “How did you…?”
Chim sighed, shaking his head fondly. “Look, man. Even if your sister hadn’t told me you had a crush on him, I would have figured it out by now. You’re not exactly subtle with your emotions, Buckaroo.” He scoffed, an amused smirk curling his lip. “Apparently Eddie is more dense than I originally thought.”
Dropping his bright red face into his hands, Buck groaned. “I have got to teach Maddie exactly what “don’t tell anyone” means.”
“Hey, don’t worry about it. I haven’t told anyone,” Chim soothed, patting Buck’s shoulder. “I mean, aside from Hen--”
“Damn it to hell!” Buck all but shouted, looking at his friend in disbelief. “Seriously, you guys need to learn how secrets work!”
“Look, Buck, I promise none of us have told Eddie. But I really think you should.” Taking Buck by the shoulders, Chimney looked up into his eyes with sincerity as he whispered. “I’m pretty sure he likes you, too.”
Hope blossomed inside Buck’s chest, its petals delicate and fragile. “You think?”
“There’s only one way to find out,” Chimney grinned. “So what are you gonna do?”
Eddie stepping out of the locker room caught Buck’s attention immediately. He looked slightly more relaxed as he moved toward the stairs, probably heading for the game console to blow off some steam. If Buck hurried he could challenge him to a fighting game, maybe find a way to make him laugh and ease some of his tension.
“Right now, I’m going to go be his friend,” Buck said, shooting Chim a wink as he headed for the stairs. “But who knows what tomorrow holds?”
…
The sun had started its descent, painting the sky orange and pink. With the bay doors open, awaiting the return of one of their ambulances from a medical call, the gentle glow of twilight met the harsh fluorescent lights of the station. Eddie and a few others were just finishing up washing the ladder truck, and Buck was unapologetically taking advantage of the other man’s distraction to simply watch him. Buck was captivated by the way Eddie moved, even doing something as mundane as polishing the truck’s chrome grill.
“Better wipe away that drool, Buckaroo.”
Startled, Buck scrambled to wipe his hand across his face as Athena chuckled. Finding his chin dry, he rolled his eyes and resumed his position leaning against the wall. “I’m not drooling. I’m just…”
“Pining?” she suggested, crossing her arms over her chest and raising one of her brows in amusement.
Buck gave her a sidelong glance. “...maybe.”
She was quiet for a moment, her intense eyes locked onto his. Buck was amazed at how vulnerable and exposed Athena could make him feel with just one look.
“If there’s one thing I’ve learned in this life, it’s that tomorrow isn’t guaranteed.” The smile fell away from her face. “I learned that the hard way. Don’t wait too long.”
With that, she patted his arm and walked away. He watched her ascend the stairs, tapping his fingers against his arm. She was right. Of course she was right, she was Athena fucking Grant. Despite Chimney’s assurance that Eddie felt something too, Buck was still debating with himself over whether or not he should say anything. But Athena’s words gave him the push he needed to make his decision.
He was going to tell Eddie he loved him.
A deafening pop echoed through the rafters, immediately followed by screams of terror and shouts to get down. Buck’s entire body jerked at the sound, leaving him trembling throughout his body as he scanned the area, trying to figure out where it had come from. He saw a hooded figure take off through bay doors, followed by a flash of navy blue as Athena took off after them. Buck’s heart was pounding in his chest, his face going numb as adrenaline pumped through his system.
And then he saw Eddie, a look of shock on his face and a hand held to his chest as stark red seeped out from between his fingers.