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Sawamura Daichi felt cold and warm at the same time. The pressure in his head was unbearable as he tried to lift himself upwards, only to render himself able to crawl. Daichi tried to open his eyes, and all he saw was orange. Flames? He could not quite figure it out as it blinded him first before everything else.
Daichi blinked away what blocked his vision. He looked at the slippery wet road, and the air was so cold yet everything was too hot, and there was a seething pain somewhere in his body but he could not move. He could not think. He can just look around with the limitations he had.
And saw beside him, silver. And red. Blood red.
“Suga...”
Daichi blacked out and knew nothing... yet gasped awake, and everything shifted. He was back in an eerily quiet room with only the constant beeping of monitors as his company, because the other person in the room was deep, sound asleep. Daichi looked at his expressionless face and reached for his lifeless, barely warm hand.
It was there, still hanging on, and that was all Daichi needed right now. He fought tears yet again, even if he was also wearing the same hospital gown and was also connected to an IV drip. He caressed the hand in his, trying, hoping as if a simple touch can bring him consciousness again.
A hand on his shoulder made Daichi jump where he was seated in his wheelchair beside the bed. He looked up at the person who entered the room.
Ennoshita Chikara gave him a sad, sorry smile. “Sorry, Daichi-san. Did I surprise you? I didn’t want to disturb you earlier but it’s been hours. Sugawara-san will be fine. He’ll still be here, you know? The nurses will alert you if there’s something if he wakes up.”
“It’s been almost a week, Ennoshita. The doctors have been suspecting that it might be... that he might be under comatose. I don’t know what to do, Ennoshita. I have been talking to the police about the truck driver and giving the investigators and the doctors all I could but I still...”
“I know, Daichi-san. It’s going to be fine. How’s your leg?”
“They’re still sore. I think. I think I can feel them better today than yesterday.”
Ennoshita nodded, “We’ll have a go at them again tomorrow.”
“Thanks, Ennoshita.”
The door opened, and Asahi poked his head in, “Daichi? You weren’t in your own room so I figured...”
“It’s fine. You can come in.”
“Thanks,” Asahi stepped inside the room and closed it behind him, he raised his hand that was holding a plastic bag. “Have you eaten yet, Daichi? I got some food. The nurses told me you can eat just fine. How’re the legs?”
“Still can’t walk with them. They’re still sore but Ennoshita’s helping me with them.”
Asahi nodded in understanding, much like how Ennoshita did. Daichi understood those nods. It was something he could not address of speak about with much freedom. How can they ask? How can they speak? When everything they needed to know was already obvious.
Daichi knew he should not feel this frustrated. People’s bodies have different ways of healing, and they need different kinds of treatment, and he would be okay. He was just... healing. He just needed medical attention and it was being given to him already.
Daichi should remain in support of his recovery. Daichi should focus on his own healing, too.
But what does it that kept him beside his bed, trying to hold his hand for hours until he wakes up?
“Daichi, you should eat. You haven’t eaten today,” chided Asahi.
“I’m fine, Asahi.”
Ennoshita raised an eyebrow, “You should eat, Daichi-san. Most members of the team contacted us already and they will try to visit when they can.”
“Yeah. Noya already sent some flowers. Hinata too,” said Asahi. “Suga will be fine. He’s just sleeping to recover, yanno? Now, eat.”
Daichi looked at Sugawara Koushi’s angelic sleeping face once more time. “Okay.”
Ennoshita smiled and held the bars behind his wheelchair and started to push him away from the bed, “I’m not your nurse, so be thankful, Daichi-san. You can visit him again tomorrow and I will tell the nurses to tell you first once he’s come to. It’ll be okay.”
“Yeah,” Daichi said. “Yeah. He will be okay,” he said, out loud, as Ennoshita and Asahi walked him out of Suga’s hospital room. It was for himself as much as it was for them. He needed to believe it the most.
“Sugawara-san, I... I really am sorry,” Daichi bowed, as low as his newly-recovered legs can hold him, to Suga’s mother. She was a sweet lady, always has been since Daichi knew her back when he was a first-year in Karasuno. “I am sure the officers working on the case and the doctors already told you but... I still want to apologize.”
When he straightened up, Sugawara’s mother rushed to Daichi and hugged him. She was in tears but she was hugging Daichi tight, making him teary-eyed instantly. Daichi hugged her back, trying to express how helpless he was, how much he meant his apology from the core of his being.
“I accept your apology, Daichi-kun, even if you really don’t have anything to apologize for. It was an accident, no? My Koushi did his best. He saved you because they told me that from where he was in the car, there was no way he ended up where he did unless he jumped in front of you.”
“Sugawara-san...”
“Oh, my darling boy. If Koushi hadn’t done that, then the two of you will be in the same state. Once my Koushi wakes up, thank him, and tell him how much you love him. I know you do, and I know you would take care of him every single day of his life.”
Daichi, barely suppressing his tears at this point, wiped at his eyes and tried to bow again to her. “I will make Koushi the happiest. I will always... always love him.”
“I know. You already make him happy. You brought him to Nationals in his last year. You were a captain he loved supporting. He told me all of that, you know? And he had this happy glint in his eyes. Thank you, Daichi-kun, for being there for my Koushi. Please continue to stay beside him, okay?”
“I will... I will, Sugawara-san.”
“Now, stop crying, or I will keep crying too! Koushi will scold us if he wakes up with us just sobbing in the corner.”
“He’s been asleep for a month, Sugawara-san.”
“He’s just resting. He’ll wake up when he thinks he can.”
By the second month, Daichi was officially back. His legs were already mostly healed, thanks to Ennoshita’s therapy sessions, but he still needed to come back and see him from time to time to make sure they healed just fine. He was notified that he could not go back to work for a few months to ensure that he completed his recovery, and he was alright with that.
He was not ready for things to go back to normal for him when it was not even close to normal at all. He looked at Suga’s sleeping face, with the beeping monitors he already gotten used to. He took Suga’s hand, the one that was not connected to any tube, and kissed it.
“Suga, hope you’ve been fine today. You know I’m going to just wait for you, right? I’m too stubborn to leave your side.”
There was a knock at the door before it opened. Daichi smiled at the visitors who came. “Tsukishima. Yamaguchi.”
Yamaguchi smiled as he gently stepped in, the blonde quiet behind him. Yamaguchi placed the flowers beside the old ones sent by their teammates, and then handed him a basket full of fruits, “Thank you for letting us visit, Daichi-san.”
“It’s no worries. He’s still sleeping and I think he’ll be happy to know you guys dropped by,” smiled Daichi, already used to their friends visiting.
Tsukishima looked at him, “We hope you’ve been well, Sawamura-san.”
“I am alright. I’m just doing paperwork for work now. I’m not allowed to do physical work for a couple of months,” shrugged Daichi at Tsukishima as they watched Yamaguchi walk over to Suga.
“Sugawara-senpai. We’re visiting. Hope you wake up soon! Your students miss their teacher too, I believe. We all miss you!” Yamaguchi said, smiling at Suga as he continued to sleep.
The third month and the hospital room have gotten so loud. Daichi was eating the chocolate Nishinoya brought home from his trips beside Ennoshita and Narita, smiling at laughing as they caught up with each other’s lives. He wanted to tell Suga how he really kept them all intact, even now, even as he continued to sleep.
“Suga-san, did you know that I’ve been to Peru last before catching a flight back here to visit ya! The country was so nice! We can all go on a trip together!”
“Oh! I heard something about a trip! That sounded fun! Let’s do it! You have to come along too, Kiyoko-san.”
“Let’s do it,” smiled Kiyoko as she entered the hospital room with her husband.
“Yeah! A trip! Where will we go, Noya? Can we go mountain climbing somewhere? Like the jungle!”
“Ahahah! Jungle! I know a few places, Ryuu! We can totally plan this so we can go immediately, with Suga-san! Right, Suga-san?”
“Noya, calm down! You too, Ryuu,” laughed Kinoshita as he rummaged through the food delivered by their team members who could not visit this month. Even the Neighborhood Association kept on sending goods, as Sakanoshit and Shimada’s logos have been a staple in the small table in the room.
“Eh? What if we’ve become so loud? Suga-san would have to wake up first so he can scold us!” Noya laughed, “So, yeah, come and scold us already, Suga-san! We’re all here and causing all kinds of mischief... I will dye Kinoshita’s hair neon green right here until you told us to stop.”
“What? Why my hair?” Kinoshita reacted as Noya tried to mess his hair up.
They both laughed in the end, making Daichi feel consoled in a way that he needed no words. No words would be enough now, he thought.
They would just have to wait until Suga’s ready. But if he would never be? Will Daichi be ready?
In the fourth month of Suga in the hospital, Daichi has been working beside his hospital bed, typing away reports and paperwork on his laptop all day. It was quiet, save for Asahi who had a little bit of free time in between fashion shows he needed to prepare for.
But when Asahi comes to visit, he was with his sketchbook, designing away the hours of the day, the scratching of his pencil accompanying the beeping of the machines, together with the clacking of Daichi’s laptop keyboard.
The nurses and the doctors have been used to them working around Suga, waiting for him silently, guarding him as much as they could, even though Asahi could only come a few times a week. They update Sugawara’s family and their team group chats on a weekly, too, as the rest of Karasuno needed to go back to their lives but they were not less concerned.
Every day, Daichi would feel glad and so grateful for them. They never failed to make him feel comforted, letting him know that they all wish for one thing, and they all wait for one person to open his eyes again, so they can hear him laugh, see him smile, and just be with him again.
It’s funny how just the thought of Suga already makes Daichi feel better, even in his sleep. Even if he was still asleep.
Another month sped by, and Daichi was to go back to the office in a few week’s time. He was in the hospital again, after filing the papers he needed to file for his return, holding Suga’s hand. The case with the driver of the truck that hit their car was being dealt with, finally, with Sugawara’s family trying to ease Daichi with the process. They have been a great help, especially at how Daichi had been feeling emotionally.
“Hey, Suga. You know you can take your time, right? We’re trying our best to pull up our end of the bargain. We’re going to get past all of this, and it’s going to be normal again. It’s okay, Suga. We can wait. You can do everything at your pace. We’re not going to leave...”
Daichi kissed Suga’s palm, “I am not going to leave. I am sorry, Suga, but I think you can hear me. You can hear me right now. I believe you do.” He tried to fight the heaviness in his chest but he couldn’t. “I love you so much, Suga. Please come home to me soon.”
When there was a knock on the door, Daichi wiped the wetness in the corners of his eyes and called out, “It’s open.”
And then Hinata and Kageyama entered the room, gifts, and flowers in their hands.
“Ah, yes, it’s you guys. Thank you for flying all the way back here.” Daichi smiled at them.
“We’re soooo late, Daichi-san! We’re so sorry,” said Hinata. “I was in the middle of a season in Brazil and so was Bakageyama in Italy, so we really couldn’t...”
“No worries, guys.”
But Kageyama still bowed low, “I hope you’ve been well, Sawamura-san! We apologize for being late!”
“I am fine, you guys. Suga’s... fine, too. He’s still asleep.”
“Oh,” Hinata’s face fell and Daichi felt for him so much. “What did the doctors say?” He asked as he walked towards Suga’s bed, where he was still asleep.
“They’re telling me that we have to wait for him,” he said, trying to level his voice. “He has been recovering just fine, his wounds were already completely healed.”
“I believe that Sugawara-san will wake up when he feels like it’s time to wake up. I believe in him,” said Kageyama, trying not to sound as awkward as he already looked.
“You’re right, Kageyama. We would just have to keep him company.”
“Yeah!” Hinata said as he looked back at them, trying to hide away obvious tears. “We just need to believe in him! As we have trusted him inside the court! He will always come through for us, right?”
Daichi smiled and believed Hinata’s words with the whole of him, yet there was something inside of him that continued to ache.
It’s been six months since the accident, and Daichi felt like he has gone through a whole lifetime already. He went back to work like normal, and he can only drop by the hospitals when he gets time. The case with the driver has been dealt with, and it was over and done with, much to the relief of Sugawara’s family.
The Karasuno group chat had fewer updates, only weekly now, but Daichi could still feel the support because, at this point, he does not know who needed it most. He or the person who has been calmly breathing in his sleep for the past six months.
Daichi thought he was a sturdy person. He had gone through all kinds of pressure, all kinds of mental battles: in playing volleyball, in life, in love, and in everything else. But this... he never thought that this would even happen.
He also did not mean to break for the best person who kept him together was here before him, his hand still lifeless and still barely warm.
“Suga, it’s me again. I know you would’ve shooed me away by now, because I keep on coming here. You would scold me and tell me to focus on my job instead, but hey, you can do that again if you wake up. Like, right now.”
Daichi waited for a reaction. For anything.
Still, Suga remained to be asleep.
He took a chair and sat beside Suga’s hospital bed, “I want you back, Suga. I am sorry for being selfish but I really, really need you back. I know I should wait. I know I should just be here for you until you wake up but... I can’t do that anymore, Suga.” He let out the tears he had been holding back for no one knows how long.
“I am... so tired of being alone, Suga. I need you here with me, so please, please... Suga. Please.” Daichi tried to catch his breath, sniffling as tears fell from his eyes. “Please wake up, Suga. I cannot live without you here, you know that. You have always kept me together. Please... please keep me together now.”
“I wish I... I wish this never happened. I wish I never asked you out that snowy night. I was supposed to ask you if you... if you want to be with me, forever. I wanted to ask you to be mine, officially, formally, that night... but I... but it all led to this.” Daichi sobbed, “I tried to keep it together, I really did, but I just wish I was not so selfish.”
Daichi pressed his cheek against the back of Suga’s palm, “I am so sorry, Suga. Sorry for being so selfish. It was all my fault. It’s because I was...”
He sighed, “If there was anything I can do now, Suga, please tell me. I just... I don’t know how to live anymore. I don’t know if I can go on. Please, Suga. Anything. Anything is fine. Please–” A twitch.
Daichi felt something twitch against his cheek.
“Suga?”
Another twitch. It was his index finger, the one with the pulse monitor clip on.
“Koushi?”
When Daichi pulled away, it was when the beeping and the ringing started. Suga, with his eyes all closed, started to move, and it scared Daichi frozen, along with the loud sounds that rang, telling him that he was not okay.
Nurses and the doctor in charge rushed inside the room. They were shouting a code, and a color, and they were crowding him, and Daichi, stunned, stood up from the chair.
“Suga...”
It was slowing down, everything was slowing down... The beeping went even louder, and Daichi wondered how was that possible. Everyone moved fast, and slow at the same time. Daichi vaguely felt heat and cold and pain all over again. And then he was being herded away by a nurse, and the nurse was telling him things he could not process, that they are getting Suga to be okay again and that he was no longer in danger, but none of this Daichi can understand. None of this Daichi wanted to know. He just wanted to see him, he just wanted to touch him... before anything happens, before Daichi can break apart.
“Suga!”