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It started with his grandfather.
Tobio still remembers when his grandfather placed the fuzzy, yellow stuffed bunny in his arms. He’d gripped it so tightly and buried his face into the soft fabric. His parents and grandfather had cooed at the happy, responding giggles.
The younger Tobio had contemplated what to name the stuffed animal for days before he finally settled on ‘Bunny’. His grandfather had laughed and patted his head. It was perfect, he’d said.
As a child, the toy had barely fit in his arms. Now he has to be delicate whenever he picks it up. There are patches all over it from years of wear and tear. The ‘fur’ isn’t as soft, but that doesn’t stop him from cuddling it every night. He feels warmth and a sense of calm whenever he holds it.
Maybe if it had been that one, solitary incident things would be different. But it had only been the beginning.
As Tobio got older, his love for all things fluffy and cute had only grown. While other boys gradually switched to action figures, Tobio eyes always lingered on the teddy bears and stuffed puppies.
His mother had indulged him. Perhaps too much.
Whether it was at a small shop or even the occasional trip to the toy store, if Tobio stared at a stuffed animal on a shelf his mother would ask if he wanted it. Tobio never begged or pouted like other children his age. He would, however, shyly nod his head. When his mother put the toy in his arms there was a noticeable bounce in his step for the rest of the day.
Now that he’s older, his mother wouldn’t dare buy him such toys anymore. In public, at least.
It isn’t uncommon for the woman to sneak a new stuffed animal into his bedroom. He always thanks her quietly, cheeks pink but happiness obvious in his eyes.
When shopping, Tobio sometimes looks at the windows of toy stores but doesn’t dare go in. He gazes at the plethora of colors and beaded eyes that look back at him. They always look so inviting. His fingers itch to hold the toys and squeeze til his heart's content.
Once or twice he uses the excuse that he’s buying it for a younger family member. But there are only so many holidays and he worries that the employees might get suspicious eventually. It’s probably just an anxious thought but the fear and shame of it is enough.
So, he turns to the internet.
It takes time, but Tobio finds several websites that he likes. It’s almost overwhelming the first time. There are so many things he hadn’t considered. He’d simply taken what he could get. Now, he has options.
Colors, sizes, styles, specific animals, and stuffing quality.
It’s all there for him to explore and gaze at longingly. Sometimes Tobio scrolls for hours, a small smile playing on his lips the entire time. His chest feels warm, tension seeping from his shoulders.
With a few clicks, a package holding his treasure can arrive on his doorstep in a matter of days. He’d limited himself at first. Part of him was irrationally scared he’d be found out. Now, though, his reservations have melted away.
The amount of stuffed animals only grew with time. As did Tobio’s preferences.
Without question, the material has to be soft. If it’s itchy or scratchy on his skin Tobio doesn’t bond with it much. There are exceptions, but at the end of the day Tobio wants to enjoy holding the toy.
Although he liked a variety of animals, he did have his favorites. Bunnies were always good. He seemed to have more stuffed bunnies than anything else. Dogs were his second favorite. Especially the huskies. Those were, also, usually the most expensive. After that came birds, cats, and teddy bears. A rare reptile or imaginary creature makes it into his collection, but they don’t catch his eye as much.
Tobio likes natural or pastel colors. Overly bright or ‘funky’ colors don't give him that same ‘happy’ feeling. He wants to be soothed as he holds the toy. A vibrant orange teddy bear doesn’t have the same effect for him.
The stuffed animals have a wonderful home on his bed and shelves. He situates them just so, and cuddles next to them whenever he sleeps. Sometimes he switches which toy is in his arms as he falls asleep, but it’s usually Bunny.
Whenever Hinata or his other friends come over he quickly stashes them in his closet. Guilt pools low in his stomach, but he can’t risk it. He knows they wouldn’t understand. They’d look at him funny. Judge him. Shame him.
Maybe Hinata wouldn’t be so bad. Tobio, however, isn’t willing to take the chance of finding out.
It would be his secret forever.
At least, that’s what he’d planned. Until Oikawa came over one day.
After Karasuno’s game with Shiratorizawa, Oikawa practically invites himself over to Tobio’s house via text. They have a lot of talk about, apparently. Saying ‘no’ to Oikawa has never been in Tobio’s vocabulary. And so, he finds himself awkwardly hosting the other two days later.
Tobio’s parents weren’t home, and he wasn’t sure if that was a good or a bad thing. Maybe Oikawa would be better behaved if they were around.
As it was, Oikawa enters with his usual confidence and slight smirk gracing his lips. It makes Tobio’s stomach feel queasy and fluttery.
Oikawa asks where the bathroom is before they have a chance to really chat. Tobio tells him it’s down the hall to the left. Right next to his bedroom. He doesn’t think anything of it for a moment.
Tobio sits down on the couch. His nerves cause his leg to tap against the wood of the floor. His mind races, wondering what they’re going to discuss. He wishes he could hold Bunny, or maybe even the new duck stuffed animal he’d gotten a few days ago. They’re both back in his room, of course.
He freezes.
His room. He’d shut the door before letting Oikawa in, hadn’t he?
Cold starts from the top of his head and slithers down his shoulders. He didn’t think they’d go to his room, so he hadn’t put anything away. Surely he’d remembered to shut it, right? Surely he…
Dread claws at his throat and Tobio gets up to his feet. He dashes down the hallway as casually as he can. It’s fine, it’s fine. He didn’t forget. He didn’t.
His door is open.
With shaking hands, Tobio pushes it open the rest of the way.
Oikawa is standing by his bed. He has a fluffy, sky blue bunny in his arms. It’s got a cute, pink bow tied on one of its long, floppy ears.
Tobio’s heart clenches. His eyes widen and panic laces over his skin.
“Don’t touch-!” he starts, but quickly chokes off his own words.
Oikawa turns towards him. His dark eyes are half lidded and considering. They don’t gleam with the vicious mockery Tobio is expecting, but that doesn’t mean that they won’t .
Tobio stands still, trapped in the other’s gaze. Oikawa looks between him and the stuffed animals piled on his bed. It’s impossible to miss or excuse.
He tries.
“They’re not...these aren’t…”
He’s tripping over his words. His face is burning so much it hurts. Hands clench into fists at his side. Tobio wracks his brain for some sort of believable explanation.
As Tobio’s mouth closes and opens like a flustered fish, Oikawa slowly puts the stuffed animal back down on the bed. The gentleness in which he does it silences Tobio completely. He even puts it back in its rightful spot.
“Iwa-chan collects figurines, you know,” Oikawa says.
Tobio tenses. Oikawa isn’t looking at him. Instead, his eyes are surveying the stuffed animals. Each and every one.
“And Makki has a ton of Sanrio merch.”
Oikawa reaches forward. His fingers glide over the fuzzy material of a blue penguin. A tiny, barely there smile plays at his lips.
Tobio doesn’t dare breathe.
“Mattsun’s got more keychains and buttons than anyone I know.”
Those fingers travel to the top of Tobio’s pillow where Bunny rests. They hesitate, hovering above all the patchwork and signs of obvious love. Oikawa hums softly and gently brushes his fingers over the ears.
“This one’s your favorite, huh?”
Tobio can’t even dream of answering. Oikawa doesn’t seem upset about the silence, though. He sighs instead and fully turns back to face him.
Although he isn’t smiling, something about Oikawa’s demeanor seems...softer.
It helps to lessen Tobio’s racing heart, but he’s still on edge. He shifts his legs awkwardly. He wants to look away or even run out of the room entirely. Oikawa must sense this, as he takes a step towards the other boy and lifts up a hand.
“The point is, Tobio-chan, there’s nothing wrong with this.”
Tobio isn’t sure his hearing is working. His eyes widen, mouth opening slightly in surprise. Oikawa puts his hands on his hips. The grin he flashes Tobio’s way is small, but more sincere than he’s seen in a long time.
“It’s okay to like things. You’re not hurting anyone by having some stuffed toys on your bed, right? So it’s no big deal.”
“But I’m not a kid.”
And that was the kicker wasn’t it? The reason for the shame that swirled across his skin and tightened in his chest. He crosses his arms and looks away from Oikawa all together. His eyes land on the few stuffed animals on his shelves. Usually seeing them lifts his spirits, but now he glares at them.
“I’m not...I shouldn’t…”
“Why not?”
The voice is nearer than he expects. Oikawa is closer now, only a few inches away. Something squishy and fuzzy pushes into his hands. Tobio flinches and looks down to see Oikawa trying to place Bunny in his hands.
On instinct, Tobio accepts. He holds the stuffed rabbit close to his chest. The ears tickle just under his chin, and Tobio has to refrain from burying his face into his favorite form of comfort.
“It’s cute and makes you happy. Sounds like a good enough reason to me.”
Tobio flushes even more if possible. His arms tighten around the familiar toy. “You don’t think I’m...weird?”
Oikawa scoffs, and even rolls his eyes for good measure. “You’re definitely weird, Tobio-chan. But not because of this.”
Tobio is torn between laughing and crying. He wants to jump into his bed and place every stuffed animal he owns on top of him. Be surrounded by the softness, the colors, and the love he’s experienced with each one.
But he also doesn’t want to be away from Oikawa’s gaze.
Those dark eyes scan over his face with a look he can’t decipher. It almost appears fond. But that doesn’t make sense. Why would Oikawa ever look at him like that?
“So,” Oikawa murmurs. “Does this one have a name?”
Tobio glances down at the yellow rabbit. His lips quirk up into a tender smile before he can stop it. Memories, lovely and sad, are brought to the surface of his mind.
“Bunny. My grandfather got him for me.”
“Ah, special then.”
“Yeah.” Tobio nods his head and holds the toy closer to himself. “I’ve had him the longest.”
Oikawa makes a ‘hmm’ sound. It doesn’t seem patronizing like one might think.
Tobio has the sudden urge to show Oikawa everything. He wants to tell him every name, where he got them, and what each of the toys means to him. He wants to be unabashedly excited as he explains the softness and quality of the stuffed animals. He wants to share this part of himself and that terrifies him.
For now, Tobio pushes those thoughts down.
Maybe...maybe one day. Just not now.
Hands coming up to cup his face bring him back to the present. Those long fingers tilt his face slightly and soon smooth, soft lips are kissing his cheek. They linger, lightly wet and wonderfully heated.
Tobio doesn’t dare move. His breath catches in his throat and he nearly drops Bunny onto the floor.
When Oikawa’s lips leave his cheek he’s redder than before. Those fingers stay on his face, keeping his head angled exactly the way Oikawa wants.
A small semblance of a smirk is on Oikawa’s lips, but this seems different from the previous ones Tobio knows. It makes Tobio feel jittery and far too warm.
“Well,” Oikiawa beams and lightly pats his face before pulling away. “Let’s go back to the living room, yeah? We have looooots to talk about. If you’re going to nationals I’m not letting you make a fool of yourself."
With that, Oikawa leaves Tobio’s bedroom.
Tobio feels frozen to the floor. His body is so hot, though. He pushes the stuffed toy to his face and lets out a shuddering breath.
Still, he can’t help the smile morphes on his lips.
He gazes down at the shiny, black eyes of Bunny. The fur is faded and torn, but it’ll always be cute to him.
When he gently puts the toy back on his bed, Tobio feels lighter than he did before. A weight he hadn’t realized he’d been holding was lifted off of his shoulders. And by the most unlikely person.
Tobio leaves his room, but doesn’t shut his door.
And if there’s a little bounce in his step, who’s to say?