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“The feelings he once had for me… feelings we shared… they fade, with time. You’ll understand, someday.”
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No. No, it’s Persephone that doesn’t understand. Zagreus… His time with Thanatos is precious, in part because there is so little of it. He might’ve been content to sequester himself in the little corner of the Universe his mother had carved out for herself prior to coming to terms with his feelings for the God of Death, but now? Just the thought of spending an eternity without him hurts worse than the bite of his father’s spear in his belly.
Thanatos is his other half. And even if the God of Death oft finds himself a bit… tongue-tied, when it comes to expressing his affections, he knows that Than feels the same. Or, well… he thinks that he does. To be honest, this most recent visit with his mother has him frazzled. And he’s no longer certain of where they stand.
What would he do if Than returned to the House one day and decided he didn’t love him anymore?
“Whoa, there. You seein’ double or somethin’? Cause that there blow missed me by a mile.” Skelly whistles, watching as Zagreus stumbles a little, making a last-ditch effort to correct his footing before he face-plants on the floor. “Maybe we oughta take a break—I don’t think your head’s innit.”
“No, I… No.” He shakes his head, flexing his fingers inside of Malphon. “I can continue, just…” He needs a distraction. If he continues to push himself, eventually the rush of blood in his ears will drown out his mother’s words.
Zagreus takes another swing at Skelly. This one connects, the training dummy’s bones cracking under the force of the impact. He settles into an easy rhythm, landing twelve strikes in quick succession before he stumbles—Malphon gleans off the side of Skelly’s skull, the momentum behind the strike causing him to stumble forward. He is unable to catch himself before his chin collides with the floor with an audible crack. Black dots creep in at the corners of his vision as blood and spittle flood his aching mouth. He hadn’t fallen like that since he was a godling… how absolutely mortifying. The shame welling up inside of him causes hot tears to build in the corners of his eyes—though he’s suspicious that the pain slicing white-hot through his jaw might have something to do with it, as well.
“You… okay there, boy-o? That looked like a real nasty spill, there.” He presses his tongue to the back of his teeth, finding a few to be uncomfortably loose. That’s… just a bit not good.
“I…” Zagreus sniffles, before turning his head just far enough to cough up a mouthful of blood without making an even greater mess of himself. “No. I’m not okay. I, uh… I’m going to go wash up. Take it easy, mate.”
Zagreus has quite a bit of difficulty getting to his feet. Skelly offers him a bone—though, for a second, it looks like Zagreus isn’t going to take it. After a moment, he pulls his fist out of Malphon and tosses the weapon aside (he knows that he should probably be treating weapons that slayed Titans with a bit more respect, but right now, he’s in far too much pain to think clearly), curling his fingers around Skelly’s skeletal forearm and squeezing just a hair too tight. If the training dummy had skin, he’d almost certainly be bruised. Skelly is surprisingly strong for being a literal skeleton, and has little difficulty helping Zagreus to stand—he even sticks around an extra moment or two to make sure that the discombobulated prince doesn’t fall over on his face yet again—
“Be honest with me, Skelly. How bad is it?” He gestures toward his face, “Does it look like I tried to make-out with the marble staircase coming out of the Pool of Styx? It does, doesn’t it. Ugh…” His shoulders slump, his features twisting in abject dejection. He moans a little as the movement makes his jaw ache.
“It… well, it ain’t good, kid. You ain’t gonna be winnin’ any beauty contests with that bruise, there.” Skelly taps his own jaw, a little to the left of his chin. “Somethin’ on your mind? I ain’t gettin’ paid to sit around and chat, but this time, I think I can make an exception—”
Zagreus appears to consider this for a moment, “I… don’t know how much help you’ll be to me here, Skelly.”
“Try me.” He may not be the most worldly, but he thinks he can offer a bit of insight—or, at the very least, an impartial ear. “I’m all ears. Well, not really, but I think you know what I mean.”
“I… how well versed are you in the ways of love?” Zagreus asks, his voice tentative. Skelly’s head whips around.
“I, uh… I think you’re a little old to be askin’ about the birds and the bees, there, prince-y boy.” Skelly says. “Besides, based offa the sounds I’ve been hearin’ from your bedchamber, I don’t really think you need any advice in that department. You do realize that you don’t have a door there, right?”
“I… will endeavor to be quieter in the future. Thank you for… err… informing me of my volume problem.” Now, he just looks uncomfortable. “I just… that’s not the problem. I… this is more of a question of… romantic love.”
“Romantic… love?” Now it’s Skelly’s turn to look confused. He’s beginning to think that he might’ve gotten in over his head with all of this. What would he know of romantic love? He spends his days confined to this chamber, destined to have his bones scrambled by the hyper-energetic prince of the Underworld.
“Yes, I…” he chuckles a little, underneath his breath, “I suppose I’m just worried that I don’t know exactly where I stand with Thanatos, that’s all.”
“I… might not know a lot about love, boy-o. But I think that that’s the sorta thing you oughta be talkin’ to Thanatos about.” Skelly points out. Zagreus shrugs—he supposes that he has a point, though he doesn’t know how he would even begin to bring this up to Than.
“I… I’ll take it under consideration.”
He’s not surprised to find Than waiting for him in his bedroom. He had hoped that Than would be waiting for him back at the House at the conclusion of his run, but hadn’t been able to find him in any of his usual haunts. It’d probably been for the best—he doubted that he was the best company. And now… well, judging by the horrified look on Than’s face, he still has his doubts about being the best company. Zagreus tries to give Thanatos a confident smile, but his jaw aches too badly to sustain it, and his mouth ends up wobbling like he’s about to break down sobbing. Hells, maybe he is. Maybe he’ll feel better if he lets a few tears out. Or maybe he’ll just feel bad about something different (like throwing all of this onto Than’s shoulders when he’d very clearly been expecting to walk in on something else…).
Zagreus tries to speak, but he cannot force himself to say anything. Than shakes his head, his long, slender fingers trailing along the battered curve of his jaw. His skin is pleasantly cool, which helps the throbbing—if only a little. He leans into Thanatos’ touch, his mismatched eyes fluttering closed. He doesn’t even notice that Thanatos is guiding him back toward his bed until his knees connect with the side of the mattress… The prince tumbles backward, almost taking Thanatos down with him—but it is clear that the god of death has other plans. When he starts to pull away, Zagreus moves to follow him, but Thanatos just presses him back down, his touch soft, yet insistent. Even without words, he makes it clear that there will be no arguing with him on this.
Thanatos teleports out of Zagreus’ bedchambers in a flash of soft green light. He returns a moment later with a bowl of water (is it sad that he’s been on so many runs that he immediately recognizes the incredibly potent scent of the rejuvenating water found in the fountain chambers scattered throughout the Underworld?) and a washcloth. Setting the bowl down on Zagreus’ bedside table, he takes a seat alongside the prince and dips the washcloth in the water—
He slowly starts to wash the blood from Zagreus’ face. It does not take long for the water’s rejuvenating properties to take hold, and the ache in his jaw fades away into nothingness. Well, not nothingness, precisely. Unfortunately, just as the fountain chambers out in the Underworld rarely return all of his health, the water does not heal his wounds entirely. But he can open his mouth without wanting to break down into tears now, so he thinks that’s a good start.
“So…” Thanatos breathes, after it feels like the silence between them has stretched on for an eternity, “are you going to tell me what happened to cause… this? Because I cannot remember the last time I’ve seen you this messed up from… training? Were you… training back there?” He sounds a bit skeptical.
Zagreus decides that now would be the optimal moment to test out Skelly’s advice, and so, ignoring Thanatos’ question entirely, he comes back with one of his own, “Than… would it be alright if I asked you a completely unfair question?”
Thanatos blinks, “An unfair… question? I’m not sure that I understand what you mean, Zag.”
“It’s like…” he thinks it might be easier to look Than in the eye while he’s doing this, but the second that they make eye contact, he panics and flops himself back down onto the bed. “Urgh, why is this so hard?”
Thanatos tentatively reaches for his hand and twines their fingers together, “Why don’t you just ask me whatever it is that you want to ask me about?”
Zagreus heaves a dramatic sigh, “Because it’s not… easy. A-And it’s not… It’s not a fair thing to ask of you.”
“You keep saying that…” with his free hand, Than places the washcloth back with the bowl. “Just tell me whatever it is that’s on your mind. Let me be the judge of what I do and don’t think is unfair to ask of me.” And he… Okay, he definitely has a point. That doesn’t mean that Zagreus has to like it, though.
“Fine. Fine.” He squeezes his eyes closed, as if he is preparing for a literal impact. “I want you to promise me that you’re not just going to wake up one day and decide that you were so much happier before… before all of this, that you’re not just going to decide that you don’t want to be with me anymore—that you’re content to be alone.”
Thanatos’ eyes widen, “Zag…”
“I… I want you to promise me that this is forever, Than.”
He knows that it is unfair to ask a god for forever. Whereas the human definition of ‘forever’ is a mere forty of fifty years, theirs is to the literal end of time—maybe even beyond that. There’s no way that Thanatos can reasonably claim that he knows for certain that his feelings will never change in all of that time. Maybe it really is like his mother said, and even the greatest of romances fizzle out after centuries and centuries of occupying one another’s space. Zagreus clenches his teeth, a new ache budding in his jaw as he tries to force back the tears that are burning in the corners of his eyes. Why did he listen to Skelly’s advice? He knew that this was a stupid idea. The only thing it’d done was help bring about the end of their relationship all the sooner—
But then Thanatos’ hand is cupping his chin again, his thumb brushing away a few tears that’d stolen down his cheeks. He tilts Zagreus’ head over and up, so that he has no choice but to meet his eyes.
“I don’t want to presume, but… would this have anything to do with your recent visit with your mother?” Zagreus swallows hard and does not answer, which is an answer in and of itself. “It’s not an unfair question, Zagreus.”
Zagreus blinks dumbly. That was definitely not the answer that he’d been expecting… could he have misheard? “I… wait a minute, what?”
Thanatos takes a deep, and entirely unnecessary, breath. “Zagreus…” he strokes his skin, thoughtful. “I pray that you understand the gravity of what it is that I am about to tell you, as I never intended for you to know just how long I…” he trails off. “I have loved you for millennia, Zag. And not once has that changed, even when you didn’t—,”
“For that long? Really?” But now that he mentions it… so much stuff starts falling into place.
Than’s fingers press into his jaw—not enough to hurt, but enough to make his lips jut outward comically. “Blood and darkness, you don’t have to sound so happy about it!”
“But I am happy about it!” He exclaims, trying to curl his lips into an approximation of a grin. “Because it means you love me.” He drags out the world ‘love’, batting his eyelashes suggestively.
“You didn’t already know that?” Than sounds mightily unimpressed… and perhaps a little worried, too.
“No, I knew. Of course I knew. Even if you hardly ever say it, I consider myself to be an expert in the ever-evolving ‘language of Thanatos’.” Zagreus says proudly, “It’s just… nice to hear every once in a while, is all.” And then, “If it makes you feel any better, I first realized that my feelings for you were… err… more than friendly, when you started cutting your hair.”
Than stills. Gods, he cannot even remember how long ago that was! “I… Gods, we’re both love sick idiots, aren’t we?”
“Mmm…” Zagreus accepts the title easily, “It makes forever a little easier to bear, don’t you think?”
“I do.” And then Than’s hand is gone entirely, only to be replaced by his lips—the soft, slightly cool skin pressing against the fading bruises along Zagreus’ jaw, loving on each of them one by one as he carves a path toward the prince’s lips—
No, he decides, feelings like this don’t just fade over time. The love that he and Than share will stand the test of time—just like his father and mother’s. He just needs to find a way to prove that to her.