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“Daddy, is Adam okay?“
Lawrence looked up from the newspaper to eye Diana. “Yes, why wouldn’t he be?”
Diana fiddled with her spoon and looked down at her bowl. “He gets nightmares a lot, doesn’t he? I can hear him screaming and crying.”
“Oh, sweetheart, I’m sorry that you have to hear all of that. Does it bother you? Are you scared when it happens?”
“No.” Diana quickly shook her head. “No, don’t tell Adam I can hear him! He’ll feel bad and I don’t want him to feel more bad!”
“Worse.” Lawrence corrected gently.
“Worse.” Diana nodded. “But is he alright?”
Lawrence thought for a few seconds before sighing softly. “Adam and I have been through a lot and when people experience terrible things, they can’t immediately go back to normal. Bad things that happen to you can stay with you for a long time.”
“How?”
“It’s a little like how you’re scared of your wardrobe after the bad man was there.” Lawrence explained gently. “Adam is very scared of the dark right now.”
“Why?”
“Maybe you should ask him. I don’t know if he wants me to tell you all of this.” Lawrence mused. “Let’s just say, he made bad experiences in the dark.”
“Can I help Adam?” Diana was looking at Lawrence with a sad expression, her big eyes glimmering with tears. “I like Adam. I don’t want him to be sad.”
“Maybe you could distract him. You could play a game with him or draw him a picture.” Lawrence suggested. “I’m sure he’d love that.”
“Okay.” Diana smiled a little now before jumping off her stool. “Thank you, Daddy! I’ll go ask Adam if he wants to play with me.”
Lawrence nodded as Diana hurried off. The doctor realised too late that Adam was still in bed and that Diana had completely forgotten to clean up her bowl and spoon. He sighed and quickly did it for her.
Diana was meanwhile hurrying down the hallway, only stopping when she reached the bedroom door. Slowly, Diana creaked it open, peering inside to find Adam lying on his stomach in bed. She wasn’t sure if he was awake so she approached quietly, slowly shaking his arm when she reached him.
“Adam?” Diana whispered out. “Adam, are you up?”
“Uh-huh.” Came a muffled reply before the man heaved himself up and supported his weight on his elbows. “What do you need, kiddo?”
“Do you want to play with me?” Diana smiled. “Daddy said you had a bad dream and I want to help! We can play with my dolls and you can pick any you like.”
Adam smiled gently at Diana’s attempts to help. Of course, at her young age, she assumed that letting Adam chose a doll would cheer him up. But weirdly enough knowing that she cared about him made him feel a bit better. The man nodded and sat up, rubbing his eyes.
“Sure.” He rubbed his face a little before getting out of bed, grabbing Lawrence’s cardigan and putting it on. “Let me get dressed real quick and then I’ll be with you.”
“Adam? Can I ask you something?”
“Yes, shoot.” The man asked, crouching down to talk to Diana.
“Why are you so scared?”
Adam went quiet at that and got onto his knees, sensing that this was going to be a long conversation he didn’t want to have crouched down. “Your Daddy and I got taken by the bad man, remember?”
“But he’s in jail now. Daddy said you went to court and he is in jail.”
Diana said as if Adam had forgotten. Adam didn’t like people telling him obvious things. It made him feel stupid or patronised but Diana wasn’t trying to offend him, so he didn’t feel upset.
“We know that, but it’s still scary to think of what happened.”
“Why is Daddy not as scared as you, then?”
Adam bit his lip, contemplating what to say next. “Your Daddy is just as scared as I am, Diana. He simply gets scared over other things. Don’t you remember when we lost you at the supermarket last weekend?”
“Uh-huh, Daddy looked like he was going to cry.”
“He’s very very scared of losing you because the bad man that took him threatened to harm his family if he didn’t play-- play along.” Adam explained, stumbling over the last few words as they brought up unpleasant memories. “I get scared of other things.”
“Of what?”
“I don’t like being alone that much anymore.” Adam admitted. “The dark scares me, too. When I have a bad dream and I wake up in the dark I feel like I am back in the room I was locked in for days. That-- that dark room, all alone and-- and well it scared me to be in there and being reminded of it is scary. So when it’s too dark at night I get scared.”
“I don’t like the dark either.” Diana said softly. “That’s why I got a night light! Daddy got it for me.”
“I know.” Adam said with a soft smile. “I’ve seen the stars it projects onto the ceiling. It’s like sleeping under the open sky, isn’t it?”
“I love the stars!” Diana said excitedly. “Do you like them?”
“Yes, I do.”
The little girl thought for a few seconds before jumping up. “Get dressed. I gotta talk to Daddy before we can play. Will you wait in my room for me?”
“Of course.”
---
“Daddy, Daddy!” Diana exclaimed as she ran over to her father, hugging his legs as he put the dishes away. “Daddy, I have an idea!”
“An idea?” Lawrence asked in confusion, picking Diana up instead of crouching down with his bad leg. He let her sit on his hip as he eyed her. “What idea?”
“Adam says he’s scared of the dark. He says it makes him feel like he’s alone in the room where he was locked in again.” Diana explained wisely. “So we should get him a night light.”
“A night light?” Lawrence nodded along. “It’s not the worst idea.”
“Can we buy one when we go grocery shopping later?”
“Do you think it’ll help, you smart little girl?” Lawrence asked with a smile.
“Yes.” Diana nodded in certainty. “Then he won’t be in the dark anymore and he doesn’t have to be scared anymore.”
Lawrence nodded. “Then let’s do it. It’s worth a try, right?”
“Right!”
“Now go and play with Adam, okay? I’ll join you soon. I just have work on something for about half an hour or so.”
“Okay. See you soon, Daddy.”
---
When Adam came into the room that evening, he immediately noticed the lightning change. The room was illuminated by a faint, soft and dim light. It wasn’t enough to blind or bother anyone but it stopped the room from being nearly pitch black.
“Is that a fucking night light?” Adam huffed. “What am I? A--”
“A man who is scared of the dark.” Lawrence concluded calmly, closing his book. “There’s no shame in being scared of things, Adam.”
Adam sighed and sat down on the foot of the bed. “There is when I can’t spend any time in a dark room alone without panicking.”
“Adam, that’s perfectly normal.” Lawrence insisted. “Did you think it was wrong that I freaked out over Diana getting lost last week?”
“No, you nearly lost her because of-- of that fucking Jigsaw guy and--“
“And you got locked in a room by him for two days, Adam. Of course, you’re scared.”
“But it’s a fucking night light!” Adam exclaimed, getting up. “Why would I--”
That’s when Diana popped her head into the room. “What’s going on?”
Adam heaved a sigh and shook his head. “Nothing. We’re fine.”
“Don’t you like the night light?” Diana whispered. “I thought it was a good idea.”
“I don’t need that.” Adam shook his head again. “It-- it’s embarrassing and so-- so childish and I--”
“I have one, too.” Diana argued. “It’s not embarrassing! Daddy said it wasn’t. Daddy wouldn’t lie to me, Adam.”
Adam heaved a sigh and visibly deflated. The last thing he wanted to do was give Diana the idea that having a night light was something she needed to be embarrassed about. And judging by Lawrence’s intense look, he knew his boyfriend wouldn’t like that idea either. Adam had to fix this and so he crouched down to better look at the girl.
“No, Diana, it’s not something you need to be embarrassed about, no matter who tells you otherwise.”
“You said otherwise.”
Adam bit his lip at that, trying to find something to say. “You’re a child, so it’s fine. But I’m an adult.”
“But you’re still scared.” Diana said quietly. “Adults get scared, too. So why won’t you use a night light and see if it helps?”
“I--”
“Please, Adam.” Diana pleaded. “I don’t want you to be sad and scared anymore.”
Lawrence watched the two of them and he could tell Adam’s reserves were almost gone. He was going to give in to Diana’s ideas and Lawrence knew all too well why. He’d spent the last eight years looking into Diana’s big, pleading eyes and he himself had never been able to say no to her, either.
“I mean I guess I can try.” Adam relented. “It’s not like anyone else will know.”
Lawrence approached Adam and put a hand on his shoulder. “Not that you need to be embarrassed about this but if you don’t want me to tell anyone, of course, I won’t.”
Adam sighed softly. “Thanks, Lawrence. I just-- I’ll try it. There’s no harm in trying.”
“That’s a good way of approaching this.” Lawrence then looked back at Diana. “But you young lady, need to go to bed now. Do you want Daddy to read you a story?”
Diana nodded eagerly. “Can you read the one with the princess and the dragon?”
“Again?”
“Please, Daddy?”
Lawrence sighed softly and held out a hand to Diana. “Alright, the princess and the dragon it is. Come with me.”
Adam watched them leave and then quickly got changed for bed. He settled beneath the covers and waited for Lawrence to return. Of course, it took some time because Lawrence took great care of always settling Diana for bed properly so she’d be safe and warm and not scared. Adam was fine with that and just settled for checking his phone until Lawrence got back.
Eventually, the doctor returned and he and Adam settled in bed, cuddling up to one another. Lawrence started to kiss Adam’s cheeks to which the younger man looked up in question.
“What?”
“Can’t I kiss my boyfriend?” Lawrence chuckled before shaking his head. “Adam, I’m proud of you for accepting help.”
“It’s not--”
“It is a big deal.” Lawrence interrupted. “And it’s not nothing, Adam. Accepting help can be hard and you can be so proud of yourself for doing so.”
“Alright.” Adam whispered, not arguing back, not making a snark remark but resigning because he believed Lawrence. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.” Lawrence whispered. “I hope the light helps.”
“I’m sure it will.”