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Nick liked to tell himself that when he had killed Jeremiah, it had been for all of them. That when he had pulled that trigger, he had done it to protect his family.
But deep down he knew that the only thing on his mind when he had done it were big blue eyes, so full of pain it made Nick's own heart ache.
The brunette was lying on his back, on the bed in the little house he had built for himself.
Moving into the house of the man he had just shot had seemed a little morbid, even to him and besides he wasn't sure if he could look at Troy right now, knowing that this time it was him that had put the pain in those blue eyes of his.
Maybe he'd end up having to shoot himself too if he did that.
Nick was nodding off when there was a knock on the door, soft and barely audible, but he still heard it for some reason. Maybe that was just an ability he had acquired in this new world. Confused and slightly irritated he rose from his bed, walking over to the door to see who it was. He was expecting Madison or Alicia, maybe even Jake but never would he have thought to find Troy standing in front of his door, eyes red and puffy from crying and with a small duffle bag thrown over his shoulder.
"Nicky, I-"
Nick didn't let him finish, ushering the older man inside without saying a word. What could he say? 'Sorry for shooting your father in the head'?
Yeah that certainly wouldn't make this situation any better.
Nick led Troy over to the small bed before gently pushing him down to sit on the mattress. He took the bag from him, fetching him a blanket instead since it was a little chilly and Troy was still only wearing the thin shirt he apparently slept in.
The smaller boy laid the blanket around Troy's shoulders, watching as the other pulled it closer around himself with shaking hands.
He did all that in complete silence, searching desperately for the right words to say but coming up empty each time.
"H-he called me a monster. But uh...", Troy tried to force one of his signature smirks, his eyes darting around the room to keep the tears from falling in one last attempt of appearing put together, maybe even unbothered, "he was still my father."
Nick frowned, sitting down next to Troy slowly before taking one of Troy's hands to stop him from scratching at them.
"He saved us, Troy. All of us.", Nick tried, hoping that the lie was believable even if his voice faltered slightly.
Troy was nothing if not perceptive and for a second he thought the older had caught on but then he just let out a nearly hysteric chuckle, which soon turned into a sob as he fell apart in front of Nick who could do nothing but open his arms for him and hold him close.
In a way, Nick understood.
In a way, he had felt Troy's pain.
Neither of them had had a good relationship with their dad and even though the reasons for that were very different they shared the pain.
And losing a parent was always hard because even if you didn't lose something you had, you lose something you could potentially have had, you lose the chance to maybe make them proud enough for them to finally listen, for them to finally love you the way they were supposed to from the start.
"I-I thought that he understood me, Nicky...But n-no one understands. "
"Shh...I got you", Nick ran his fingers through Troy's soft curls, keeping an arm wrapped around him securely. For a moment he thought the older would come to his senses and pull away, maybe even shoot him just because he could but Troy just nuzzled his neck, chasing after whatever comfort Nick could offer him. Briefly Nick wondered if maybe this was the only comfort he had had ever before, or maybe it had just been a long time. It sure seemed like that.
In that moment, with Troy still sobbing in his arms for affection he had never had, Nick wished that he could bring Jeremiah back just to kill him again, no matter how guilty he felt.
"I got you", he repeated, sighing as he placed a kiss on top of Troy's head.
It wasn't long before Troy's energy ran out and his sobs died down to occasional quiet whimpers, still just as heartbreaking but seemingly less exhausting.
Nick tried to pull away, intending to get them lying down at least but Troy seemed to think he was going to leave and all the progress they had made disappeared as Troy started full on sobbing again.
"Shh...I won't leave. Promise", he placed another kiss on Troy's head, pulling away slowly so he could lift the other's face and make him look at him. Troy looked sincerely broken, with his dishelved hair and the dark bags under his teary eyes. That certainly was something Nick hadn't thought possible.
Troy Otto could kill with little to no remorse, he could walk on torn up and bleeding feet without as much as a flinch to prove that he was human, he was a leader, someone that people WANTED to follow despite how cruel he could be.
Somehow Nick had thought that Troy was just unable to feel. Of course he knew better deep down, he just hadn't allowed himself to think about it because then it would have been difficult.
He'd seen the desperation in his eyes when he had had him pinned to the ground, desperation to prove that what he had done was useful, was justified, even if it cost him his own life.
He had seen the vulnerability and hurt when people had started leaving and Nick knew well enough how much Mike's betrayed and death weighed down on Troy.
Maybe, he thought, this wasn't all about Jeremiah. Maybe it was just pent up pain, stored away inside of him until it finally became too much to bear for Troy alone.
Nick placed a gentle kiss on his forehead, wiping Troy's tears away while the other watched him with big blue eyes. The kiss seemed to take some of the pain out of them and instead Nick could see the smallest hint of a curious glint.
Good, curiousity was better than pain.
He pulled himself together, his thumb stroking over Troy's cheekbone as he pulled him into an actual kiss, trying to show him that he was sincere, that he would stay, that he would carry Troy's burden no matter what.
That he didn't just pity him.
Of course he'd tell himself later that he had done it out of pity, to take Troy's mind off of things. He didn't love him, he just... Liked him... As a friend.
And Troy returned the kiss clumsily, desperately clinging to this lifeline Nick offered.
For now that was enough.