Work Text:
It’s honestly quite easy to label and judge people after a first impression, almost too easy, in fact, I think we almost want to. Think about it, you want to know how to feel about something, how to think about someone right off the bat. Why did you think we have to make good first impressions? It also comes down with the fact that wrongly judging and or labeling someone can hurt you just as much. So I try my best to remind myself to get to know people before I can label them as a good person or not, and boy was I glad about that.
I looked over to see Holden spacing off, his brows slightly furrowed in slight worry and frustration. His hand cupped his cheek as his elbow rested on his thigh as he looked somberly at the floor. I slowly stood up and walked over to him still in deep thought.
“Hey, are you okay?” I asked him in a soft tone as not to startle him out of thought. I sat down next to him as he straightened his back and lifted his head out of his hand. He took a couple of seconds to process what I asked and he shook his head slightly, not in a way to say ‘no, I am not okay’ but to say ‘hold on, I need a minute to process and answer.’
“Oh, yeah, I’m fine. I’m just… thinking, I guess. It’s fine,” Holden reassures me. I wasn’t quite sure if he was completely fine, but him being him he would never really be. I took his hand in mine as Holden looked up at me. I studied his face slightly, mostly on the fact that his features could be described as smoky. His eyes were very beautiful greenish-hazel eyes that I could get lost in for days. His nose did have a slight bump on the bridge but was mostly round and soft looking with a fine amount of soft, pale freckles that were across the bridge and the tip. He was pale and thin, sure, but it was never ghostly white skin with a malnourished form, in fact, he seemed quite healthy.
I came back to reality when I saw Holden cock one eyebrow slightly to which I realized that I had been staring at him this whole time. I held up his hand that I was still holding and gave it a gentle kiss on the knuckles. It was corny, I knew it was, but deep down I knew it meant at least something to the both of us. Holden just simply rolled his eyes with a small smirk and a slightly choked huff of enjoyment. “Wow, you really do know how to please someone, Mr. Stradlater,” he said in a sarcastic tone, however his smile was still etched onto his face. I knew exactly what to do. I pulled his closer so our faces were only a few inches apart and put on a jokingly seductive smile.
“Oh do I now? Well, I guess I’ll have to test it again to make sure it wasn’t dumb luck, won't I know?” This got him flustered as a fine blush coated his nose and cheeks, of course, along with a bit of a snarl. I gave him a small kiss on the tip of his nose before cupping his cheek. “How are you feeling, by the way?” I questioned. “Fine. Good, even. Thank you.” This was my favorite possible outcome; genuine glee. I couldn’t help but laugh a bit out of delight. I ran my thumb lightly across his cheekbone feeling the softness of his skin. “So what were you thinking about before?”
“Y’know, I don’t think it really matters anymore. It was probably something dumb anyway.”
“Well, it can’t be that dumb if you were really thinking about it.”
He smiled slightly, it was honestly quite a rare thing to see him happy with himself but I would be lying if I said I didn’t want to see him like this for the rest of my life. Holden leaned over and placed a chaste kiss on my lips that I smiled into. He wrapped his arms around my neck and eventually broke off. I held him close, his thin frame felt warm and comforting against me but all I could hope was that he was comfortable.
Sure, it can be easy to label Holden for how he can make himself out to be; a cynical jackass, but I knew exactly why. He seems to hate the world for all its flaws, for all the chaos, but deep down I knew that this was a facade to protect himself from the world. Why? Because he’s afraid of what people would think of him, what he thinks of himself. I could never stop him from thinking this way, but I knew that I could let him know that he has someone to talk to. Sure, people could label us in a mostly negative light. People could call us ‘flits’ if they really wanted to, but why should that be seen as something wrong? If people want to label us then so be it, I want to express myself in a healthy way by loving a man then let it be. I could never think of what would have happened with us if I didn’t try to see the good in Holden. He did in fact have a soft side to him but was still his cynical witty self. I don't know what I could think of myself if I never really got to know him, but one thing I do know is that I would never get to be with the cute, cynical, and playful man that I had fallen in love with.