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||“Enter these gates,
Fill your hands with the rain.
Reaching up to the maze of light in the sky.
Ageless as the sun, the long forgotten one.”||
There were many things that people didn’t know about Allen Jones. This was maybe perhaps because no one dared to. No one dared get too close to the man who’d surely bite first, to then only maybe ask questions later. In what they had seen or sensed in him was a danger, and that it would be smart to take those notions into account, to keep a good amount of distance away. It seemed to be the wiser to think this way, easier for those around him.
And though Allen may not fully admit it to anyone or even to himself, he found that that may just be the easiest path to take, too. He wouldn’t outwardly agree, but if he was being fully honest with himself, then he would surely agree that, yes, a wall between himself and another greatly lightened the possibilities of burden. Even if that meant burying a longing that Allen never cared to pay attention to. He hated when that feeling burned a small fire in the bottom of his chest, threatening to be called upon so as to be further set ablaze. It wished for passageway into his heart, then to travel upwards and claw at his throat. There it would find new hope to then be spit out in the form of syllables and sounds that he could only dream of saying, that didn’t really sound like him, but no it really was him. And he…
He was weak.
He felt so fucking weak.
An anger started to boil, and Allen wanted to thank it because at least then it would crush the desire searing in his chest. It left an acrid taste of disgust on his tongue. Yet, even still, Allen knew that this was going to be one of those days where he couldn’t swallow it down. It would overtake him in waves and send his heart rattling, being crashed side-by-side like a ship in storm. What was he supposed to do?
||“Gold in your eyes dancing like fire,
Dreamer trapped by your desire.”||
Drip.
.
.
.
Drop.
.
.
.
Allen felt something cold atop his head, running down along his scalp from gravity. He instinctively looked upwards towards the sky and let out a sigh. His gaze softened just a bit as the rain above him started to pick up. Allen figured he should probably go back inside as his stare shifted back to the ground that was soon destined to be a sea of mud. But as the rain began pelting its assault full force, Allen didn’t think he cared much anymore.
Yeah, it was just one of those days.
It seemed the rain was quick to extinguish his prior fury. It was quickly shifting and morphing into something else. The numbness began distorting his senses. The early spring rain should serve as a bite to the skin beneath his clothing, but Allen wasn’t really feeling it much anymore. Or, if anything, he definitely didn’t care. But in the end, he still found himself questioning,
Was it really so bad for him to wish for a place to belong?
||“River turns to dust, miles on the run.
Everywhere you go, can’t find no home.
All the world you roam turns you into stone.”||
Did someone like him even have the right to want and yearn for something like that? Allen let out bitter scoff at that. To him in that moment, the answer was a simple one: Of course he didn’t. When did he ever deserve a right to anything? What type of identity did he even offer? To himself, to others? And since when did he even care about that? Allen knew he shouldn’t. He really, really shouldn’t. Because that’s dangerous, that’s what he always told himself, ever since he was young. Never—
Allen heard the click of the front door from behind him. He anticipated the creaking sound of the door opening, and when it finally did, his heart began to crash against his chest.
He didn’t like this.
He hadn’t a good face to put on right now, to hide under.
And even worse, Allen didn’t even know who it was.
His back was turned,
And all he could do was stand there. Frozen.
Whoever found themselves outside seemed to stay where they were for a moment. Most likely taking in the scene before them and thinking, “Why the hell is Allen Jones standing in the middle of the freezing rain?” Thinking about this caused Allen to let out a small huff of breath. He felt apathy sweep over him about the situation. He thought that whoever it was, could just think whatever hell they wanted. It wouldn’t change a thing anyways. It’s not like much mattered anyhow. More so, it’s not like he mattered.
Allen suddenly heard footsteps.
The thoughts he just had about not caring flew out the window and the closer the person got, the more panic began to set in. He found himself clenching his fists to the point that his knuckles turned white, still having yet to turn around. Though, he didn’t have time to think much else because whoever this was was already directly behind him. All Allen could do was keep his eyes on the ground.
“Allen?”
His heart stuttered at the voice that he heard. Allen’s jaw was set in a lock and somehow his fists must have clenched even tighter because of what the person said next,
“Allen. Your hand,” she paused, “…it’s bleeding.”
Had he really just done that? Allen slowly brought his hands towards himself, opening his palms to see that his nails had dug in far too much. Enough to break the skin on his left hand. Allen watched the rain wash away the deep red. It watered down its color to something of a pinker hue until it beaded up enough to roll off the palm of his hand. There was something a little cathartic in watching it, Allen thought.
||“Long before the haze,
Darker shadows reigned.
Stairway to the sky, that timeless alibi.”||
The woman watched the man in front of her carefully. She gauged his stance and took notice of the eerie silence that emanated from him. There was a notable amount of tension in the squaring of his shoulders, and she started to wonder what kind of face he was making as he stood there, motionless, gaze fixed upon his hands. She found there she didn’t have an answer to that, but even more pressing, the woman wasn’t quite sure what her next move should be. Her mouth pressed into a thin line. As she was stuck her in her own process of thought, Allen finally allowed his hands to fall back down to his sides, his fingers noticeably more lax than before. But still, he remained silent.
She could tell that Allen really didn’t want to turn around.
That he really didn’t want her to see whatever expression he was making.
…
Well, that was all right she thought. He at least hadn’t sent her away and that had to count for something. So, with that notion in mind, the woman was able to grasp onto some sort of brevity and slowly brought her hand forward towards him. With fingers in a gentle curl, her knuckles brushed lightly upon the middle of his back. There was a wish to provide a touch that wasn’t too terribly obtrusive, but yet, still present. A hope that he wouldn’t flee or tell her to leave.
And much to her relief, he didn’t.
The woman would be lying if she said that seeing Allen like this was common happenstance. In fact, she really hadn’t seen him like this before. Yet, there was a part of her that wondered if he was more like this than many others realized. Her mind began to wander in this moment. She tried to imagine a younger looking, little boy with dark hair and crimson eyes. Maybe he sat alone and maybe, in those days, he even allowed himself to cry. She wondered if Oliver ever saw him that way. If Allen ever allowed himself to really, truly break down. And even more so, did he ever let anyone in during those moments? Much to the young woman’s disdain, she wouldn’t be surprised if Allen’s answer happened to be no to that question. Her heart suddenly grew so, so heavy and she wanted to be there as much as Allen would allow.
She dared to move closer. The hand settled upon his back unfurled into a flattened palm, coming to rest against his back. Allen felt himself falling into warmth as she went as far as to even rest her forehead upon him, right above her hand. He heard the soft sigh that fell from her lips, and Allen involuntarily released the tension that was being held in his shoulders. She noticed this, and moved to push this a little further, but she halted. No, she would stay as she was for a bit longer and allow him settle. Especially since he hadn’t said a single word. She was frightened that this rare moment might shatter like glass. So, she stayed the way she was, keeping her touch tender and kind.
Allen could feel that too. He almost wished that she wouldn’t touch him with such gentle intention. Out of nowhere, a sudden thought crashed into the forefront of his mind, he wondered if maybe he would be able touch her with that same resolve. The idea came just as fast as it went, but still, it had Allen reeling enough for him to begin feeling just how damn cold the rain felt. It was like it sent his mind into a kick-start and it was only now that Allen could analyze and take in what was going on. A spiral back into reality. And wow, that little lady that he liked so much was really, really close to him, and it was her doing the touching, not him. And now he was also thinking about how they were both soaked to the bone.
And he was the idiot that not only made her come out into the rain, but he was also the reason she stayed here.
As feeling continued to creep back into his senses, he began to really decide how he was going to deal with the situation and the woman getting cozy against him. Allen, might be a bit embarrassed of how touchy-feely this all is (in fact, he’s not a huge fan of it), but he’d never complain having this woman so close to him, so anger was far from his pallet of reaction. Instead, he decided to take a playful bite and spoke for the first time since she came out here.
“Now, what do you think you’re doin’, doll?”
Allen felt the way she started, not having expected him to speak. She immediately looked up, to see that Allen had slightly turned his face towards her so that she could hear him a bit better. Regardless, she could sense that impish tone that fell on his words and the way that the skin of his face tugged into a little smirk. She wanted to huff out in annoyance, but it would’ve only been half-hearted, as she really didn’t mind.
“Y’know, I’m not the most romantic guy in the world, but if you were desperate for a dance in the rain, all you had to do was ask,” Allen bantered. He had shifted enough to the side that she could finally have a good look at him, and it was impossible not to notice that stupid, mischievous grin plastered across his face. It seemed Allen was back into his own skin. She wanted to give him the most unimpressed expression ever imaginable, but she fought it back. Because she was starting to like the little game they were playing.
“You’d dance with me?” she retorted smartly, knowing that Allen would totally be caught off guard. His next statement didn’t disappoint her.
“Wait, what?” he looked at her a bit dumbly, the smile on his face faltering a bit, his eyes not quite so sharp as before.
“You’d dance with me?” she repeated, “Here, in the rain?”
Allen gaped a bit at her, finally realizing that he might have gotten himself into something that he didn’t quite intend. But, no matter. He had more up his sleeve, especially now that she had struck a chord in him.
He had now turned around fully, only a small amount of distance between the two, “What? You like that kinda guy, huh? Someone who looks somethin’ like this?” Allen then proceeded to use the rain to his advantage as he took his hands to the top of his head and slicked it back, as if he really took the time to add product to it. And then, he looked her right in the eyes and wow…he smiled. Surely, it was absolutely flirty and had an aim in mind to make a point. But the way he was smiling at her with that devilishly, handsome glint in his eyes…it sent her heart soaring. And to top it all off, a small bit of his dark hair fell to rest against his forehead, adding a messy sort of look to his newly found hairstyle. Even in the chilly rain, she somehow felt so ablaze in that moment and overwhelmed with emotion.
Allen saw that shift in her gaze, in her expression and it knocked the grin right off of his face because he was so surprised by how honest her eyes were. And the fact that it seemed she couldn’t care less. But then again, Allen was fairly certain he wasn’t hiding much on his end either. Instead, Allen found himself walking closer. To the point that there was hardly any space between the two. It was moments like this when she realized just how tall Allen is. He towered over her so easily and with that intense look he held in his eyes, she was beginning to feel weak in the knees. She hoped that they would hold out.
This woman looked utterly captivated by him and it caused Allen to let out a breathy chuckle as his eyes grazed over the features of her face. The back of his mind was telling him that she really shouldn’t be looking at him that way, but he was a different man than the one he was earlier and found the ability to quickly brush that thought away. Because now, he was feeling a bit selfish. Selfish in the way, that he never wanted her to look at anyone else the way she was looking at him now. So, he’d give her something to remember and allow himself to settle into this scene.
Allen guessed he could be a gentleman today. He figured his old man would be proud. So, to hell with it. Allen brought a hand to fall against the side of her face and his heart skipped at the way her eyes fluttered shut, obviously anticipating something. Yeah, he figured he could give her that something. That wouldn’t be a problem in the slightest.
Allen allowed his own eyes to fall shut as he slowly leaned downward. It was only a few moments later that his lips covered her own. A gentle exhale escaped him, as his mouth moved expertly against her. She was getting lost in the way that he felt, and she just couldn’t help but to wrap her arms about his neck and pull him flush against her body. Allen was quick to react, his hands finding her waist. His kiss became rougher than the start, his head tilted to the side for better access. She felt the way his fingers were digging into her sides. There was a sting that made her sigh and Allen hummed in response. Only a moment later, their lips parted from their need of breath. She had quickly brought him back to rest her forehead against his, an intimate gesture that Allen took advantage of to look into her eyes.
How was it that she was here with him?
With her in his arms, having the privilege to hold her so close.
Allen didn’t really understand, but he decided for today to just let it rest, to let it be.
Because really, all that mattered was that she was right here, right now.
With him.