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“I like you.”
When Kageyama says it, his hair is hanging low in his eyes, his shoulders are rigid and he looks like he's about to take off running. Hinata stares at him, because Kageyama has never said this before. He knows Kageyama doesn't mind being around him; they spend so much time together, Kageyama always, always tosses to him when he asks, and sometimes Kageyama will share food with him (the ultimate sign of friendship). But he's never outright said it, that he likes Hinata, likes being around him.
There's something different in these words, though, something that sends Hinata's heard thudding in his chest and makes his knees feel weak. It ends with him walking his bike home, too distracted to ride it after tumbling into a bush, trying to figure out the weight of Kageyama's words.
It's hard. Kageyama doesn't act any differently after he says it, sits just the same as usual, one shoulder nearly touching Hinata's. Hinata never realizes a simple phrase could turn his entire life upside-down and inside-out, leave him reeling and trying to understand what's wrong with him, what Kageyama's actions are supposed to imply. What does it mean when he offers Hinata his coat, after Hinata forgets his at home one cold morning? What does it mean when they share an umbrella, Kageyama snapping that he'll hold it because Hinata is so damn short? What does it mean when Kageyama falls asleep on the bus next to him, head tipping until there's soft, silk hair ticking Hinata's skin and he feels like if he breathes, he'll break apart?
What does Kageyama mean by “I like you?”
It would be so much easier to believe Kageyama simply meant “I like tossing to you” or “I like being around you” or even “we're best friends”. Hinata knows this, tells himself that's what it means, but something in him says that's not right, and a knot of disappointment wells up in his chest when he thinks about it. He knows Kageyama “likes” him. But then there's the other like, the like that means Kageyama wants to...to kiss him, to do other things with him, and that sends Hinata's brain spiralling into a short-circuit.
Hinata's never been confessed to before, especially not by a guy. He wonders if he should feel grossed-out, but it's Kageyama, and the thought that he might ever be grossed-out by Kageyama spilling his feelings leaves a bad taste in Hinata's mouth. He keeps thinking about the way Kageyama sounded when he said it, like the words were forcibly pushed from his throat, low and awkward and scratchy where they'd been sitting all day, waiting. Hinata knows it's hard for him to say things like that, especially without adding the words “stupid” or “dumbass” tacked onto the end. That's why it makes his stomach twist, repeating the words in his head over and over as he lays in bed after his bath, thinking.
He goes over in his head what it would mean if Kageyama “Likes” him. Would they hold hands? Would they kiss? Does Hinata want that? The first time he tries to picture it, thinks about kissing Kageyama's chapped lips, his entire body ends up warm and he has to splash cold water on his face. He doesn't know if that's a good sign, or a bad sign, but it's definitely not normal. In the end, he decides that kissing Kageyama isn't the worst thing in the world, probably, takes peeks at his face during practice, sees the way his mouth moves when he talks to people and now he can't stop thinking about it.
It's also the first time Hinata realizes Kageyama is good-looking. Words that have come to him before are “intimidating” and “stupid” and “demonic”, but now, when he sees Kageyama expressionless and bowed over homework, or when he sees Kageyama pump his fist in excited energy when they do something well in practice, Hinata can kind of see why the girls in his class giggle and talk about Kageyama behind their hands. He can see the shape of Kageyama's jawline, his nose, the cold intensity of his sharp eyes, and he hates it. He shouldn't be thinking another guy is attractive, even if it's true, even if it's only confirming what other people think. He absolutely should not be thinking Kageyama is attractive, because he's stupid and doesn't need more attention than he gets already, and that's like admitting Kageyama looks better than he does.
He can't stop thinking about it.
They would hold hands, probably. Kageyama has nice hands, smooth and slender and perfect for holding a volleyball. Hinata's a little jealous, Kageyama's big hands easily grant him the ability to catch a ball one-handed, something Hinata still struggles with. He wonders what Kageyama's hands would feel like; cold, or warm, rough on the palms from years of sports maybe. Thinking about holding the hand that tosses to him and makes him feel weightless makes Hinata's stomach do somersaults, and when Kageyama's hand touches his as they reach for a ball at the same time, he ends up jerking it away like he's been burned. Kageyama stares at him, expression dark, before turning away and stalking off.
Maybe he's over-analyzing this. Maybe Kageyama really truly did mean he just likes Hinata as a friend. Hinata actually can't picture Kageyama Liking anyone; he's never interested in the girls Hinata points out, although they sure are interested in him. Kageyama could have anyone, really, so why would he pick Hinata? Hinata thinks about it, thinks about his awkward height and his messy hair and the fact he and Kageyama get into more arguments than anything. But he also remembers the way Kageyama touches him sometimes, gentle on the arm or the back of the head, the small of his back, and he's never seen Kageyama do that to anyone else, he doesn't think.
Kageyama is absolutely infuriating, Hinata decides. He doesn't give any hints, and Hinata's been looking. Kageyama looks at him sometimes, sure, but he always has, and he's usually meeting Hinata's eye because Hinata looks at him, too. He doesn't act like someone who has confessed, doesn't act like he's feeling butterflies in his stomach when he looks at Hinata, although Hinata is feeling them when he looks at Kageyama. He's confused, he tells himself, he's overthinking, Kageyama is the same jerkass he always is, stealing bites from Hinata's popsicles and tripping him on the way to class.
He has to be mistaken. Kageyama couldn't possibly like him, Hinata decides, one day after they end up pushing each other into the bushes. Kageyama ends up with leaves in his hair, looking angry and disgruntled, and not at all like someone who thinks about kissing Hinata. He expects himself to be relieved that he's figured it out, but all that happens is a sinking feeling in his chest as he waves goodbye to Kageyama, watching his retreating back hunched with his hands in his pockets.
Xxx
Hinata likes Kageyama.
Hinata Likes Kageyama.
The more he thinks about it, the more he realizes. Kageyama, who is always there, whose face is always sour except when he's not thinking about anything. Kageyama who bends over sports magazines with Hinata, pointing things out with energy in his voice. Kageyama who eats as much as Hinata does, but always manages to save something for him.
Every time they brush together, Hinata feels warm. He knows he hasn't always felt this way, and he blames Kageyama. He blames him for making him overthink things and sending his mind into overdrive, seeing too much into every little thing. He blames Kageyama for the way his eyes sometimes linger on his mouth, the way he gets distracted watching Kageyama lick his lips, sees the flash of teeth (Kageyama has nice teeth).
He notices small things, like how Kageyama's hair looks after he towels it dry, just a little bit messy, but always dries nice and straight. How Kageyama's firm hand on his arm guides him around mud puddles and potholes on their way home, while Hinata is distracted talking about something that had happened in school. How Kageyama looks when he sleeps, nodded off with his cheek against Hinata's bed, face frowning even when he's not trying. “Cute,” Hinata finds himself think, then catches himself with his hand halfway to brushing Kageyama's hair from his eyes.
This is Kageyama's fault.
He needs to be more straightforward with things, Hinata thinks, angrily. Deep down, he knows it's not Kageyama's fault, but he doesn't have anyone else to blame (but himself, his own wishy-washy feelings) so he clings to it. He tries to ignore the way it feels to sit close to Kageyama now, the way he both wants them to touch and doesn't want them to touch under any circumstance. And when he wakes up one night from a dream where Kageyama's hands are warm on his face, eyes soft, Hinata knows this has to end.
It's been three weeks since Kageyama's words, his “I like you” sent out into the air between them. Three weeks, and Hinata feels like he's going to snap and do something stupid, something like push Kageyama away (or worse, pull him closer) when their arms bump together. His eyes already linger too long on his body when he changes, his cheeks heat up way more than they normally should be, and he thinks Kageyama is starting to notice. Sometimes, when their eyes meet, there's an expression Hinata doesn't recognize, one that makes his stomach churn uncomfortably because it looks wrong on Kageyama's stupid handsome face. Kageyama's hands will jerk back when they touch, seconds before Hinata's do, and that's not right, either. He stops offering sips from his juice box, stops sharing his popsicles with Hinata, walks a few steps further away.
Kageyama can't like him, or else he would be excited that Hinata's touching him. If you like someone, you want to be as close to them as possible, a thing Hinata's starting to learn as he tries his best to sit at a good distance, tries not to look at Kageyama's face too often so he doesn't imagine kissing his mouth. Kageyama seems to be distancing himself, and that's not right at all, maybe he's grossed-out by the idea that Hinata might have taken his words the wrong way, maybe he's trying to let him down gently.
It's too late, though. Hinata's in too deep to just forget about it like that, and Kageyama should be taking responsibility.
He corners him one day, after practice. Well, it's not really cornering him, because they walk home together, and Kageyama doesn't even look surprised when Hinata stalks up, hands balled into fists at his sides. He lifts his eyebrows at the look on Hinata's face, like he doesn't know what's going on or why Hinata looks so mad. Well, he should. It's his fault.
“I like you!”
Hinata's words ring out loud and firm in the late afternoon, and it's a good thing nobody is around to hear them, although he's beyond caring at this point. He stares Kageyama down, eyes steady and hoping he doesn't look as nervous as he feels. He watches Kageyama closely, the way his eyes widen in surprise. It's all he needs to see, really, for his heart to sink. Kageyama truly had meant it differently, and he's probably messed up big-time, but at least he's gotten it off his chest and now, maybe, he can get over it.
Hinata shrinks back when Kageyama steps forward, face dark. Kageyama wouldn't hit him, right? No matter how angry Kageyama gets, he's never tried to beat Hinata up. But he's reaching forward now, and Hinata doesn't know what to do, oh god, he's dead, he's dead-
Kageyama's chest is warm, his arms are tight around Hinata's shoulders as he pulls him into a hug. He smells nice, and Hinata can feel the heat seeping through his think jacket. His hug is stiff and awkward, but somehow it's the best hug Hinata's ever had, and although he's absolutely confused, he brings his arms up around Kageyama's back.
“You fucking dumbass,” Kageyama breathes, face hidden in Hinata's shoulder, bent over at an awkward angle just for this one hug. “I was scared I messed up.”
This is the first time Kageyama has admitted to being scared, and it makes Hinata's heart race with confusion. What does he mean he was scared he messed up? Is this a rejection? It doesn't feel like it, the way Kageyama presses his face harder against Hinata's shoulder. Maybe...maybe, this is Kageyama accepting him, maybe Kageyama does like him back. Warmth starts to spread through Hinata's body from the points where they touch.
“Kageyama?” Hinata says, tentatively, when nothing seems to be happening. “Uh...I don't know if this should be obvious or not, but does that mean you maybe like me back?”
Finally, Kageyama moves back. “What?”
“Do you like me back?” Hinata thought his words had been obvious. “Aren't you supposed to respond when someone confesses to you? I guess this is a confession, I've never really made one before-”
“You fucking dumbass,” Kageyama repeats, his eyes narrowing and his face falling into its familiar scowl. “I know how confessions work! I confessed to you a few weeks ago! You're the one who never responded and I thought you hated me!”
Hinata's heart freezes in his chest, one, two, three, and then it feels like it's going to burst because Kageyama does like him, he Likes him, and oh god he'd been so stupid. “Sorry,” falls out of his mouth, tone horrified, “Sorry, I'm sorry” and his arms are around Kageyama's shoulders as Kageyama collapses against him again, breathy laughs against Hinata's shoulder. His body sags in relief, and it flows into Hinata, too. Kageyama likes him, he likes Kageyama, they like each other.
“What now?” Hinata asks, when they pull back after too long (too short). Kageyama looks as lost as he does, until he steps forward again. There's a question in his eyes, and Hinata feels like he knows what it is, because he's been thinking about it for weeks. He squeezes his eyes shut when Kageyama's hand cups his cheek, soft and warm and surprisingly hesitant. Hinata's feeling nervous, too, because what if he doesn't like it? What if he'd been wrong, what if he's lead Kageyama on and now he has to reject him, what if this is wrong-
Kageyama's lips against his are warm, and as chapped as he'd imagined, but not unpleasant. It sends heat through Hinata's face, up to the tips of his ears and spreading down his neck, into his chest and coiling around his pounding heart. It is very gentle, barely anything, but so much, and when Kageyama moves back his eyes are uncertain. It's not right at all, Hinata wants him to feel as excited and right as he does, so he wraps his arms around Kageyama's neck, pulls him down down down against his lips again and again and this is everything Hinata had agonized over, and more. Their noses bump together and he doesn't care, because Kageyama has a nice nose, a nice face, a nice mouth. He likes Kageyama.
They end up falling over, Kageyama complaining as he tries to get up and Hinata keeps pulling him back down to kiss his lips. “That's enough,” he says, “Jeez, stupid,” but his voice is warm and happy, like Hinata's entire body.
They hold hands on the way home, when Hinata finally lets them try to untangle and brush the dirt from their clothes. Kageyama's hands are warm, rough in all the places Hinata had imagined so many times, and it feels perfect. He doesn't want to let go when they part ways, but Kageyama promises they can do it again tomorrow when Hinata presses (“Yeah, idiot, we can do it again, now let go.”) Kageyama turns to go, but Hinata calls for one more kiss like he calls for one more toss, and like always, Kageyama responds.
Hinata realizes, later, that he'd had nothing to worry about, when he thinks about Kageyama's gentle touches and soft expressions amidst all the cranky ones, when his phone vibrates with a “good night” from Kageyama's seldom-used number.
Kageyama likes him, Likes him, and it's probably the best misunderstanding they've ever had.