Chapter Text
Judith sighed and rubbed her temples. She'd just finished reading the 16 questions left over from her last conversation with Jace. Every word had been so heart achingly familiar, a wave of emotions had crashed through her skull the minute she'd seen the email at the top of her inbox, which she was pretty certain was why she now had this godforsaken headache.
She wanted that to be it. For those final 16 questions to make them both feel content enough to finally give them both satisfaction and let them truely move on. But something still didn't feel right, there was still a piece missing in the puzzle of their relationship. She put her head on her desk and groaned, why couldn't life be just a little simpler? For once? Please?
She turned her head and spotted it in the corner of her eye, alongside the rest of the things she'd forgotten to put away or throw out was a spiral notebook. Her eyes widened and she skittered over to it and quickly picked it up. The cover said 'The Record Volume 1' and her stomach did a series of terrifying trapeze acts. This was what she'd used after leaving her iphone wuth Jace. It was primitive but functional, covered with miscilanious stains. Which was an inevitable when you carry around something that can't be cleaned with you everywhere.
She gripped the page in her hand, thin and slightly damp with condensation. The ink on the pages was only legible enough for her to read. But that would be enough for now. It was time to look back.
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For the record it's 3 am. I bought a bottle of wine and ice cream and am sitting in the same hotel that Jace ran from me from a few hours ago. Hence the wine. It's been 4 hours since I decided to start working on myself. I feel good about this, it's not like I'm a total failure and all. I have a job waiting for me back home. I should get a cat or something lean into the idea that I might have just left my only chance at real happiness and might be alone forever.
Great.
For the record I'm out of wine. I'm going for a drive, maybe I'll get caught for drunk driving. That would be a fitting end to the day.
For the record I didn't get arrested. I think the fresh air really helped to clear my mind. I don't need Jace. I'm not some damsel who bases her self worth completely on her husband, how pathetic would that be? I'm a strong women, I drove halfway around the country multiple times by myself. I don't need someone else to define me and I'm better off without someone who doesn't want me.
Granted no one's ever wanted me.
What's there to want?
I am not sober enough right now or maybe I need to sleep and that's why I'm so all over the place. I'll continue my thoughts in the morning, or maybe whenever I have time.