Chapter Text
The air was thick and heavy. Jagged breaths were the only sound in the concrete quarters. Bare moonlight shined through an open window, lunar rays dancing across a frail figure sitting on the ground. Hange’s hand raised to their cheek and pressed against dried tears. They could distinctly feel the streams, salty liquid cutting through the dirt and grime embedded in their pores. Fragile fingers roamed Hange’s face until they reached the wet fabric, a crimson reminder. Slowly, they pressed harder feeling the squelch of blood and puss against their fingers.
“It’ll never heal if you keep doing that,” a calm voice said from behind.
The noise startled Hange, the deep tone breaking what felt like days of silence. Light footsteps approached as the scientist’s hand hesitated. Hange dragged the tips of their fingers down from their eye, streaking skin with fluid until eventually, a strong hand grabbed their wrist.
“Hange, stop.”
Finally, Hange looked up to see Levi inches away with a rare look in his eyes. It was a look few people had seen, an intimate and remarkable gesture from the often vacant captain.
“Levi I…” was the only thing Hange could manage before the tears started. Short gasping breaths escaped cracked lips as their body sank into his chest. Despite Hange’s grotesque state Levi’s arms wrapped around them and held tight.
“It wasn’t your fault you know,” Levi’s said as he stroked Hange’s temple, fingers calloused but comforting, “We can’t save everyone.”
Slowly his hand fell to Hange’s cheek and lifted their sunken face. They had definitely seen better days. Hange’s good eye was bloodshot while puss, blood, and soot decorating the rest of their face. Levi’s eyes wandered the worn path of their face before he tucked their head into the crook of his neck.
“It hurts so much Levi, I-I can’t take it…” Hange’s muffled voice reverberated through Levi’s body as they sobbed.
“Well if you stopped messing with your wound, the pain would-”
“To hell with my eye, Levi!” Hange barked back, abruptly cutting him off. They shoved off him swiftly and fell back. Levi’s reflexes kicked in immediately and he lunged forward. Hands wrapping quickly around Hange’s head, catching it before they smashed into the ground. Levi’s body was poised on top of theirs, one arm cradling their head while the other propped him up.
“Godammit glasses, just let me help you,” Levi said as he stared down at the huffing scientist.
“How can you help me? ” Hange screamed through broken sobs.
“Hange-”
“You can’t bring him back! Every fucking time I close my eyes he’s all I see.”
Levi didn’t need to ask who, he already knew.
Moblit .
“He’s all I see...” Hange closed their eyes, the image clear as day in their mind. It wasn’t pretty, the memory playing like a broken record, the same scene indefinitely on loop.
A bright flash, with an ear-shattering explosion. Hange looked up but was immediately blinded, it was obvious what had happened. They had seen it before mere months before and felt the after-effects. The colossal titan’s transformation was a sight to behold, but they were too close. Hange racked their brain for a way out but kept coming up empty. There was a muted yell nearby but the squad leader was too deep in thought to notice. Suddenly, brute force ruptured their thought process. A swift shove to the ribs and Hange was pushed out of the way, brick walls surrounding them. Mobilt’s stern face was behind an outstretched arm, his eyes wide with what at first glance was fear. Hange’s gaze set on him, a small smile crept onto his cheeks as debris and shrapnel hurled through the air. A strong gust of wind and shattered glass interrupted them and finally-
For a moment they stayed silent, Levi unsure how to proceed. Hange had never been like this before, never this distraught after losing someone. He had seen them in dark moments, they had their fair share as soldiers, but this time was different. There was an aspect of anger, of real regret that he had never been privy to before.
“Hange, listen to me, there was nothing you could do.”
“If I just thought sooner I could’ve grabbed him and pulled him in with me, we both could’ve made it-”
Levi drew his hand from under Hange’s head and placed it across their mouth. After a few muffled sounds he spoke, “Stop.”
“You can’t keep blaming yourself for his actions, actions that saved your life,” Levi said as he slowly moved his hand from their lips, “Keep torturing yourself all you want, but he’s gone. You’re right, he isn’t coming back.”
“This is a reminder of his sacrifice, to make sure his death means something. You have to keep pushing forward for him ,” he said as his fingers traced the bloodied cloth covering what once was the brunette’s left eye.
Hange couldn’t answer, even if they wanted to, words couldn’t get past the lump in their throat. Levi was right, without action, without strength, Moblit’s death would be worth nothing. His sacrifice would be in vain if Hange withered away in grief.
“Will you let me clean you up now?” Levi said, his usual tone replaced with a softer, more caring one.
While yes Levi did want the layer of grime off of Hange, he didn’t want them to be alone. He wanted to make sure there was someone close to protect them. He had known Hange to do this, to allow themselves to reach incredible lows after hard battles and expeditions, but this instance was especially worrying. He knew Moblit meant something to them, something incredibly important, and leaving them to their own devices was out of the question. Levi knew he had to be there while he could, time was so limited for the two of them.
It took some time but eventually, Levi was able to help the fatigued soldier off the floor and into their bathroom. He sat in a wicker chair and silently started the water for a bath as Hange stood in the doorway. They were hesitant, fiddling with their stained fingers, watching him. A slight smile crept onto Hange’s face, acknowledging the kindness that Levi was showing. Slowly they made their way over to him, soft footsteps echoing in the dark room. Fingers fumbling with the dirty buttons on their top.
“Let me help you,” Levi said as he motioned for Hange to sit in front of him.
Without question, far too tired to try, they sat in front of him, their presence heavy. That auburn eye full of pain was too much for Levi to handle, their gaze bore into him with a power he didn’t know was possible.
“Hey, I’m here, ” Levi paused, he took a short breath through his teeth, “I’m not going anywhere.”
Hange laid their head on Levi's knee, pulling their body ever closer as the seconds passed. They couldn’t speak, after days without food or water, days of being isolated, their body was giving out.
There was a sense of intimacy that was absent between the soldiers before. With Hange’s trembling body and their tired hands draped across Levi’s thighs, the soldiers were closer than ever. Levi’s hand fell to Hange’s neck, stroking, as the bath filled up. After a moment Hange lifted their head, Levi’s hand stayed connected to their skin as their head hung low. He trailed his fingers down their neck to meet Hange’s shirt once more. The final button slipped through its slot and the yellow fabric hung loosely from Hange’s frame. He slowly peeled it off their body and tossed it on the floor, leaving Hange shivering in its absence.
“Give me your hand,” Levi said with his palm raised to Hange.
Fingers interlocked as Levi helped Hange stand. When they had their footing he reached for their pants, carefully sliding them past weak hips. Hange let Levi pull the spent material off of their legs, stopping his hand when he motioned to the final piece of cloth. Hange pulled off their undergarments, wobbly on their feet as Levi stood by. His hands were hand firm on Hange’s shoulder to steady their balance.
Fingers wrapped around palms as Hange slowly stepped towards the tub. Levi refused to let them move on their own, his grasp intensified as they struggled to step into the water. Soon a frail body was engulfed in warmth, water displaced as Hange lowered into the bath. Finally, Hange sat fully emerged, letting the water flow over their shivering body. It was like an instant sigh of relief.
Levi carefully removed the tangled hair tie and watched brown locks fall atop Hange’s shoulders. The tips of their hair floated as the tired soldier slumped into the water.
“Hange, you need to stay awake,” Levi said as he grasped Hange’s bicep and sat them up against the side of the stone tub.
Hange’s heavy head rolled back and balanced on the brim of the tub. Levi drew his attention to their face, bringing his fingers to Hange’s cheek. The touch was light, barely even a tap, but Hange sank into it. Levi could feel the slick of tears, as his fingers slid down taut skin to raise their chin. Their gaze eyes met with the slow motion.
Levi wasn’t entirely sure why he’d done it, maybe the sight of someone he cared for so vulnerable did him in. Slowly he lowered his face to theirs and pressed gentle lips to Hange’s forehead. He lingered, longer than anticipated before pulling away. He brought his thumb to where lips just retreated, strumming circles on soft skin. Soaking in the connection neither moved, Hange kept their gaze fixed on Levi and he kept his fixed on them.
“Will you stay…” Hange whispered into the quiet, “Tonight, will you stay?”
Levi nodded as Hange’s head dropped to the side, fatigue taking over.
The next few minutes were full of soft hands against wet skin. Suds trailing Hange’s body until they melted into the warm water below. Layers of soot and dirt washed away as Levi gently took his time washing them clean of bad memories. Eventually, the time came to wash their face. Levi had grabbed antibiotics that had been left untouched from Hange’s bedside and a small towel to clean their wound. Without much fight, he was able to unwrap the blood-stained gauze and see the deep cuts that lay beneath.
Dried pus encrusted the deep red that Hange had left to fester. Scabbing skin cradled the cut as Levi began to clean it. Winces echoed as Levi thoroughly cleaned Hange’s wound. Harsh antiseptic mixed with the metallic smell of blood as Levi balled up the towel and placed it on the floor.
“Tilt your head back,” Levi directed, letting Hange’s head fall into his hand.
Carefully, not to let the water run across their face, Levi submerged Hange’s hair into the bath. Auburn locks spiraled and danced beneath the surface. Soft fingers ran through their matted hair and massaged the strands. Water ran from Hange’s temple down to their shoulders as Levi rinsed out the old dirt and oil.
Eventually, Hange was bathed, clean of residue from Shiganshina. Levi’s hand dove to pull the stopper and water beginning to snake down the drain. As the water level lowered Hange’s shoulders began to shake, shivers echoed by a jittering jaw. When all the water was gone Hange didn’t move, looking weaker than before. Levi gently wrapped a towel around their shoulders, patting dry water droplets that fell from their hair.
“Levi,” Hange asked, voice delicate as if they were a child in trouble.
He stopped moving, indicating he was listening.
“I don’t think I can stand,” Hange chuckled lightly, feeling absurd.
Gently scooping the new commander into his arm’s Levi carried them out of the bathroom, Hange’s arm draped faintly around his neck. As he entered their bedroom his eye caught sight of its abysmal state. Sheets were torn from the frame, blankets and pillows were thrown about.
“You can’t sleep there it's horrific,” Levi mumbled to himself.
“Well, I don’t really have another option, do I? If you set me down on the bed I’ll be fine.”
Levi in fact did not do as directed, he instead headed for the door.
“Hey! Where are you going?”
“You’re sleeping in my quarters tonight. I’ll wash your sheets tomorrow while you rest, we can’t have our commander out of duty forever.”
Hange didn’t try to argue, they were either too weak or Levi was too right in his statement. They didn’t have time to waste mourning, yes the pain wouldn’t go away, but they needed to get back to work.
Quietly, in the dead of night, a towel wrapped Hange and a slightly damp Levi trekked down the hallway. Levi swung the door open and shut it behind him, the room’s atmosphere vastly different than that of Hange’s. No clothes or sheets scattered the floor, not even a speck of dust could be found upon the first inspection.
Soft pillows met a tired head as Levi laid Hange down. Their body immediately sunk into the bed, all the tension seemed to seep from their body.
“Let me grab you something to sleep in, and a new bandage for your eye” Levi mumbled as he rustled through drawers.
He came back with a large white button-up, far too large to be his, and a roll of gauze. He placed the shirt in Hange’s lap and began to wrap the bandage around their injury.
As Levi secured the gauze Hange looked down at the shirt in their lap, “Levi is this-”
“Just take it, its the only thing I have that’ll be comfortable for you to sleep in.”
“How are we supposed to move on?” Hinge whimpered.
“We both lost a lot in that battle, and both of them would want us to be able to move forward,” Levi cleared his throat, “I know that’s what Erwin would want.”
“But I can’t forget about them-”
Levi cut them off, ”Moving forward doesn’t mean moving on. We will do everything we can to keep their memory alive, we have to.”
There was silence as Levi slipped Hange’s arms through oversized sleeves, securing the buttons in place before discarding the towel in a hamper. He returned to find Hange underneath the covers, eye drooping. Pleased that they would finally get some rest he walked around the bed to his desk. He pulled at some files organized neatly when he felt a tug on his sleeve. Looking back to find Hange weakly leaning off the edge of the bed.
“God Hange what are you doing! You’ll collapse!” Levi scolded as he quickly jumped to settle them back fully in bed.
“You need to rest too,” Hange said between staggered breaths, “I know you, Levi, you need to rest.”
He knew what they meant. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, he hadn’t slept since Shiganshina. The captain was used to little sleep, never getting more than 4 hours a night, but these days were different. Restless nights, hearing Erwin’s voice, echoing repeatedly into the dark of night was enough to keep Levi up for days.
He conceded, there was nothing left to fight, one night wouldn’t make a difference. He nodded his head before blowing out the small lantern placed on his desk, leaving only blue moonlight to illuminate the room. He slipped under the covers, facing Hange as they lay in the quiet of the night. Neither spoke, eyes fixed on each other. Levi closed his eyes, the echo of Hange’s breath lulling him to sleep as the world seemed to halt.