Chapter Text
* 1 *
The first time Jesse heard Forrest murmur about not being a girl they had just met.
Forrest was eighteen and Jesse was twenty-one, he should have known it was a bad idea to let the boy steal some of Gabriel's beers from the fridge, but that was something Jesse of the Future should be concerned about - the reckless cowboy weighed - they sat on the mezzanine of the dusty barn while talking and between one beer and another, Grace started to get emotional.
"I just don't understand how I got to get that deep, like, in the rock bottom." said the boy, hood pulled over his head, and the only thing that indicated he was there was the vapor of his breath against the cold air.
"You know, I don't usually take offense easily, but it hurt, partner." McCree said with a wry smile, trying to get some laugh out of Forrest - anything but that melancholy tone he had now. That at least made the least look at him.
Even if it was with that deadly look at him.
On the cell phone of the youngest a song was playing, Jesse could see on the display that it was Lullaby, from Unlike Pluto. It was a song with constant drums and high-pitched guitar, the bass loud and frantic, but essentially calm, sad.
"If I had known you were the type of weepy drunk, I would have brought my box of tissues." laughed Jesse, putting an arm around the youngest's shoulders, “What made you so sad, buddy? You can trust me."
Jesse felt his shoulders go up and then go down, the sigh came out of his nose in a new cloud of white vapor and Grace wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his sweatshirt, a lock of brown curls fell over his eyes and the boy pulled it away to put behind the ear.
"I just feel as a... strange, wherever I go, it doesn't feel like home." the boy pulled his legs against his chest, drinking a large sip of beer before continuing, "I don't know how I got to that point in my life, without a home, without a family, without a girlfriend and living in the house of three strangers."
Jesse snorted.
"We've had this conversation before, shortie, you've been in the family since the moment you walked in that door." said McCree with a gentle sway of his body against that of the smallest.
That was a bad idea, as it made Grace shrug and clearly swallow. "Er... Jesse?" called the smallest.
"Yes?" asked the biggest.
And then a wave of vomit spurted from Forrest's mouth, as if a bucket had been thrown from up there, Jesse was startled and pulled him over the edge, praying it was just that, the young Englishman sobbed and cringed even smaller, Jesse had to pick him up. "Well, now, enough for you, darlin’." the cowboy threw Grace's arms around his neck and his legs around his waist, considering he was light as a feather, it was no problem carrying him like this, “Time for the kids to go to bed or Gabe is going to kill us when he finds out that I let you drink a whole crate alone.” Jesse felt the younger one start to tighten his arms around his neck and sob, tears wetting the old red poncho around his shoulders as the older man descended the stairs to the top with him.
"I'm not a girl..." said Forrest in a sob, "I hate being a girl, nobody believes that I... I'm not a girl..." whined the little one.
Jesse stopped, confused.
"But darlin'... you’re not a girl, you’re a boy… you’re Forrest." said Jesse trying to peer over the boy's unruly curls.
Silence.
More silence.
Jesse started to think that Grace had fainted.
And then he murmured.
"Thanks for reminding me of that, cowboy." he sighed, petting the backs of the cowboy.
Jesse didn't understand what he meant by that and they never brought it up again.
Not even when, the other day, Gabriel asked about the huge vomit spot in the middle of the barn.