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It was a nice day. Birds sang. Flowers bloomed. And Dean Winchester finally got his head out of his own ass, which made every day a good one, no matter what.
He might write it off later as just shock, inhaling too many beers and car fumes over the course of his trainwreck of a life (which has been going especially badly for the last few weeks) or as some marvellously horrible writing of a god outside this universe. But after a good, old, self-delivered slap to the face and a dunk in cold water, he finally cleared his head again for the first coherent thought of the year. And he knew what had to be done to collect the garbage that most things were by now and how to recycle it properly like you usually did with garbage.
"Sammy!" Dean banged the door open, feeling as if he finally was in control of his life again.
Sam looked up from his laptop, where he was in the middle of researching if cars can go to heaven as well. He really hoped for a pleasant surprise. A car might not replace a person, but it could be a nice thing to encounter after death.
"Yea?"
"Get off your ass, we're busting Cas out of turbo hell."
"Finally. I thought you had gone insane or possessed. A few days more and I'd have tried an exorcism on you. Or send you to therapy."
"Yeah, I dunno what got into me. Like somebody else was makin' me do all this weird shit."
"So you're gay for Cas again?"
"Yeah, I'm gay for Cas again."
"Good. Now, let's see what we got on turbo hell..."
It did turn out that super, mega turbo hell was not much different from regular hell. It did have a smaller yearly budget, and less space for torture, despair and horrible screams in the distance. It was more like...a private branch of the whole area that could be described as mildly to severely hellish.(A category that encompasses, apart from hell and its close connections, several highways, all of retail and the home of a very unfriendly man in South Dakota.)
And so it was only slightly harder to get there, then to get into regular hell. You needed a ritual - because of course, you did. People have been trying to get to every place in existence since the beginning. A ritual that sent you straight to turbo hell with a chance on a return trip was created only slightly after one that brought you to Lucifer's private collection room of small figurines that depicted nobody else but himself.
You also needed somebody willing to actually take a dive into turbo mega hell, usually, the hardest step of the whole thing was finding somebody like that. But luckily, they already had crossed off that step before they had even begun.
" 'right. So this should catapult me straight into turbo hell, and stay open long enough that I can grab Cas and get the hell outta there?"
"60 minutes. You think you can find him in that time?"
"Ah, can't be too hard. Don't think super hell is full of gay angels."
" Alright. Let's go then. Stand still and...it does say to close your eyes and mouth and if possible every other orifice in your body."
"I'm not shoving a plug up my butt."
Dean kept the 'Not until Cas is involved', wisely, to himself.
"Well, it's not supposed to kill you. Only to..be rather hard to wash out later..?"
"What that's supposed to mean?"
"I actually don't really want to know. Just close your mouth and stand still."
It took only a few words and runes began to glow, smoke to rise, music to swell to something dramatic.
Then, first slowly but steadily, then faster and faster, a stream of black, shiny, wet goo began to appear as if out of thin air, seeping out of the darkest, nearest shadow. It's tendrils wrapped around Dean's body like a slimy overcoat.
"Oh wow...Dean you alright in there?"
A gurgling sound was heard from inside the slime and without another word, Dean was yanked away and into the dark.
"I wish I had plugged up my ass," was the only thought in his mind as he was thrown about in all possible and impossible directions, feeling the slime seep into every fold and crack of his body. It made sense that turbo hell had an even more unpleasant entrance then regular hell had..
The goop spat him out the same way it had taken him, only in a slightly more horizontal position, making Dean fall onto the equally dark and slimy floor. It seemed this entire dimension was made out of poorly rendered, glistening, dark slime, forming some kind of tunnel, with smaller ones branching off of it in regular intervals.
“Don’t think this place has a shower…” Dean muttered, craning his neck to shake some of the slop out of his ear. He would need a full body scrub after this. Inside and outside.
He turned, spotting a glowing tear, hovering in the middle of the tunnel.
"Guess that's the way back.." Dean got up from the floor.
Walking on the slippery floor was not the easiest task, but giving up on his last shred of dignity, Dean managed a sliding shuffle that kept him on his feet for most of the time, apart from a few rather embarrassing falls that had him scrambling frantically to get back up.
“Cas!?” Dean hollered, loudly, his last brain cell informing him too late of the fact that shouting might attract unwanted attention. And that unwanted attention in super, mega, turbo hell might be not the easiest to deal with, especially not when one was covered in goop, fighting to stay upright and only armed with equally slimy knives and a gun that was definitely no longer able to shoot anything in the near future.
Walking past the smaller tunnels, Dean got a glimpse at the true horrors of the universe, horrible abominations that could only exist in this hellscape, some shackled and bound, some other just relaxing in their rooms. They were hellish creatures after all, why shouldn't they enjoy spending time in turbo hell?
Dean shrugged and trudged on.
At first, he almost walked past the next tunnel, as he had with the previous ones, but something about this particular, goop-covered being caught his eye.
Or rather his ear.
"Dean?"
Dean stopped, his feet sliding a few inches forward on their own. The other person raised their head, wiping some of the slime off of their face.
Dean started forward so fast, he almost fell again, stumbling forwards and colliding with the other in a very manly hug.
"Cas!"
They were both slimy, wet, cold and physically as miserable as possible, but it was one of the best hugs they had been involved in so far. Being found in turbo hell, and respectively finding your gay angel in turbo hell really added that special something to a hug. It also turned it from manly and rough to sweet, long and soft.
"I can't believe you came here."
Dean grimaced, very manly. All his actions had to be manly now, to make up for the long and tender hug.
"Wouldn't be the first time somebody has to get busted outta somewhere. And as if I'm just gonna let you rot down here...or up here? I'm not really sure about where this place is."
Cas cracked a smile.
"It's more..to the side of reality then below or above it."
"Ah."
"Yes."
Their arms slid down, ending the hug, hands finding each other and still holding on, not acknowledged by either of them.
They should have done that before. They should have done a lot of things before. It was as if something that was holding them apart had suddenly vanished, making them stumble into each other, clumsy and confused.
"You really think I would have left you here?"
"Well..", Castiel's face shifted into something pained. "The last time we saw each other, you didn't seem to take my...confession very well."
"I was just..I dunno. It was a lot to actually hear that. And I handled it pretty good I think."
"You're facial expression closely resembled one of a constipated racoon. I wasn't sure how else to interpret that."
"Ah, fuck off. 'n let's get outta here."
Smiling awkwardly, they made their way to the portal back home, hand in hand as slime engulfed them, throwing them back into reality as an entangled heap.
"Hey, Cas."
Two hands reached towards the bundle, helping both of them up. Sam scrunched up his nose as he tried to shake the goop off of his hands.
"Uh...You both really need a shower."
Dean winked at Cas.
"Wanna help me get this stuff outta my ass?"