Chapter Text
He’s out of the chair and away from the desk as quickly as he can without looking like he’s running. The election coverage is going well and if he’s honest it’s starting to look like Obama has this in the bag which he’s actually ok with but dear god he needs a cigarette. Needs to get away from the woman he’s fired still being in his ear. He’s trying not to think too hard about it, the idea of her being gone which he’s wanted since she appeared whilst also dreaded at the same time.
He’s better with her, they’re better together and they both know it. But right now, he needs to drown that all out with nicotine and later, copious amounts of whiskey.
Back in his office he doesn’t spot Charlie for a second, but tries to listen to him as he starts talking. Jedediah Purdy and cynicism, how they’ve come a long way from what they used to be. He knows that’s all down to Mac, they both do but it remains unsaid. She makes the people around her better without even realising it.
Then it’s Genoa. Dantana, the screw up of a senior producer who now thinks that he can shake them loose because of his wounded ego.
“You agree with what I’m saying?”
Charlie’s pushing him, needs him to agree. Needs Will to admit to himself that they’re in the right here and that no one can tell them otherwise, and he knows that’s what Will needs too which is why he’s pushing so hard.
“I believe except for the things we did wrong, we did everything right and I can’t live with Mac taking the blame for” and he trails off. All he can think of is Mac. Charlie starts talking again but Will can barely hear him.
“Sloan punching a guy in arbitrage, I actually like that one!”
That night over five years ago where she broke down trying to explain about Brenner, the tears as she bared her heart to him and told him about her mistakes and then the horror and despair in her eyes as he shut down in front of her refusing to listen.
“I can’t tell what you’re thinking.”
It’s been a long five years since that night and God help him, he’s tried to fill the void she left in his heart with work, with women and with drinking and medication but nothing’s ever helped.
“Will?
When she was by his side she was perfection, his driving force and north star. Sure they’d had arguments and problems but what couple didn’t and they always talked things through and worked them out.
“It’s gotten strange now, are you able to hear me speaking?”
Except for that last one. That last problem he didn’t give her a chance, didn’t give them a chance and he’s been punishing them both ever since.
“She. Except for the things she did wrong, she did everything right too, the rest was me.”
As soon as the words are out of Will’s mouth he knows what he wants, knows what he needs to do. He’s talking to Charlie but not even really aware of what’s coming out of his mouth at this point. He trails off each time he starts a sentence as he grabs the Tiffany’s box from his desk drawer and tucks it into his jacket pocket. As he leaves he tries to encourage Charlie, still not really sure what the conversation has been for the past few minutes.
“Way to go!”
As soon as he’s through the bullpen, walking quickly with his gaze straight ahead to avoid any eye contact from the staff, he takes off running down the corridor. He has to find her, has to tell her, there’s no avoiding this now. No pretending like she’s not in his head every second of the day when she’s not sat in his ear. But for the first time since she’s been at ACN she’s nowhere to be found. He bursts into hair and make-up, then back to her office and nothing, goes to Control and no Mac and no one seems to have any idea where she’s vanished to.
Eventually he grits his teeth and in desperation shouts into the bullpen.
“Has anyone seen Mac?!”
There’s a pause before her voice is there, calling back to him.
“I’m right here”
He turns towards her, see’s her sitting making notes for the next section at the desk and his heart almost stops there and then.
She’s right there.
Where she’s been for over two years, trying to do her job around his snark and venom and distance and the endless parade of women.
She’s right there.
Where she’s been trying to prove her worth to herself, to him and to the world.
She’s right there.
Where she’s been camped out in his heart without even realising it.