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Sehun stabs a straw into his chocolate milk box and starts aggressively slurping, hoping it might cheer him up like it usually does, but this time it doesn’t seem to be working at all.
How did he get here? What has he done in his life to deserve this? Is this karma? Has he really been such a bad person? How else do you explain that he has somehow become the epitome of a second male lead syndrome?
Seriously. This is his life now. It revolves around being the secondary male protagonist to an obviously blooming relationship. What a horrible, horrible cliché. Completely unoriginal!
However, the worst thing about this predicament is that he is fully aware of it. He’s not lying to himself or still hoping that things could work out for him. Damn, he wishes he could be that delusional! It would totally make everything a lot easier.
Oh, and let’s not forget, to make matters worse, he now has to sit here, in a freaking college cafeteria of all places, going crazy on the inside, while the main protagonist – in other words, the object of Sehun’s hopeless, unrequited love – is a few tables away, having fun and laughing at something the “first male lead” said. What the hell is that?!
Okay, okay, let’s back it up a little bit because Sehun seriously needs a break from how chummy those two look. So, once again, let’s ask the most pressing question there is: how did Sehun get here?
Well, it probably started when he first noticed the main protagonist – Jongin. It was Sehun’s second semester being a college student, and he decided to choose a drawing elective because he felt that, as an architecture major, he needed to practice more. He was a bit intimidated since the course was mainly for art and design majors, but he soon discovered that while it might be a bit different from his other drawing courses, he can do it. Although it took some getting used to, after a few weeks he was pretty sure there was nothing that could throw him off. And then Jongin happened.
Sehun literally bumped into him while checking his phone and leaving the classroom one day. He apologized, Jongin apologized (although it was totally Sehun’s fault), they laughed about it, and then got to talking.
Which was Sehun’s first mistake! Talking to Jongin and discovering what an amazing human being he is. His second mistake was then becoming closer with Jongin. This led to developing a crush on him, which led to falling in love with him, which led to being broken-hearted because Jongin is obviously into someone else.
Okay, remember how Sehun mentioned that his current second male lead situation was such a cliché? Prepare for it to get worse. So much worse! Because Sehun was not the only person Jongin bumped into. No. Short after he and Sehun met, Jongin was getting lunch in the cafeteria and accidentally crashed into someone. Textbook “romantic” trope, right? Well, wait for it, it gets even worse. Because the person who Jongin collided with was Park Chanyeol.
Park Chanyeol is pretty much the most popular guy on campus. And let Sehun tell you: being popular in high school is child’s play compared to being popular in college! But somehow this guy manages to do it. God, it is almost annoying how impressive he is. He is handsome, that is basically a given. He is also pretty tall. He plays the drums in a band. Imagine that! And he is a member of the basketball team…
Which, now that he mentions it, is not that impressive in itself since Sehun himself is on that team as well. And he is someone who has basically never wanted to play. His parents forced him to in high school because his brother used to play, and they thought it would be good for him. It didn’t help that Sehun turned out to be a pretty good player and he didn’t have it in him to pretend otherwise (he would have hated to disappoint his parents). So, he went with the flow, hoping this would end once he got to college. Unfortunately, his parents discovered he could get a scholarship for joining the basketball team and once again pressured him into it. It’s ridiculous. He is convinced that if he ever starts working for a big company that has a basketball team, they… wait, Sehun went off on a tangent a little bit, didn’t he? Okay, where was he?
Oh, yes! Park Chanyeol. So, anyway, his popularity has been established, that is the important thing. And the next piece of information that is necessary to complete the whole puzzle is that after Jongin crashed his tray into Chanyeol, it started this whole thing of Chanyeol glaring at him whenever they crossed paths. He never said anything, he just stared and scowled. Which led Jongin to the conclusion that Chanyeol must hate him because of what happened. And, whenever they ran into each other, he looked like a kicked puppy, which broke Sehun’s heart. He kept assuring Jongin that it is probably nothing, that Chanyeol is just an intimidating guy (which Sehun knew a lot about, being Chanyeol’s teammate and all), and that even if he was angry because of the incident, it simply meant that he was an idiot. Normal people don’t hold grudges after stuff like that.
So, yeah, that was the situation until one day, like a month ago, when Jongin basically waltzed into their classroom, smiling from ear to ear and floating on a cloud. And Sehun was really happy to see him like that – he was even pleasantly surprised when it turned out Chanyeol had approached Jongin in the library about creating a design for his band (since he “had heard Jongin is quite talented”) and Jongin had gladly accepted. At least that meant Jongin wouldn’t have to worry about Chanyeol hating him anymore.
Yes, at that time Sehun didn’t put two and two together. It didn’t occur to him to question the source of Chanyeol’s information about Jongin. For some reason, it didn’t even seem strange that Chanyeol started to talk to Jongin like that out of nowhere. However, when working on a design turned into getting lunches together and hanging out, Sehun caught up. And this is what he believes happened on Chanyeol’s side: when he and Jongin collided, there was a spark. So, Chanyeol’s eyes started to follow Jongin whenever they met. He probably didn’t even realize it for some time, but when he did, he knew he needed a plan – and that was when the design idea came to him. What a smooth bastard!
Oh, and it might be worth noting that once Jongin discovered that everything was okay between them and Chanyeol did not hate him, sparks started flying basically everywhere. And Sehun is not stupid or delusional. He knows it is just a matter of time until they get together. After all, he sees the way Chanyeol looks at Jongin. And he can’t miss the way Jongin glances at Chanyeol whenever he thinks nobody is watching.
But Sehun is watching. Not in a creepy way, no! He just can’t help it. His eyes are naturally drawn to Jongin, and that is not an easy habit to break.
“Hey. What got you so mad?”
“Huh?” Sehun turns his head to see a guy taking a seat right across from him. “Hey, Baekhyun.”
“Hi. So?”
“Yeah?”
“What got you so mad?”
Good question, Baekhyun, a very good question, but Sehun couldn’t possibly tell you the truth.
Now, he has to admit that Baekhyun is a very nice person. Sehun might even call him a friend if somebody asked. However, it is not like they are super close. They met through a mutual friend, Junmyeon. While Sehun and Junmyeon grew up in the same neighbourhood and have been friends for many years, Junmyeon and Baekhyun only met their first semester studying biological sciences but became fast friends. So much so that Sehun was even jealous of Baekhyun at first because he was afraid Baekhyun would steal Junmyeon, Sehun’s best and only friend in college, away. Fortunately, Sehun stopped being dramatic after some time and even began to enjoy Baekhyun’s company when the three of them hung out. Which was pretty often.
So, yeah, while it is nice to have Baekhyun around, they don’t know each other that well, and Sehun doesn’t feel comfortable telling him about what is going on. Heck, he hasn’t even told Junmyeon!
“I’m not mad. Just thinking… about stuff.”
“I see,” Baekhyun chuckles.
Sehun appreciates that he lets it go and doesn’t pry even though he must be aware that Sehun is in fact mad for some reason. It is one of the things he has come to like about Baekhyun: he respects other people’s boundaries.
“Hey,” Junmyeon shows up with his tray full of healthy food and sits down to complete their usual lunch combination. “Sehun, what’s the matter? Are you mad about something?”
“What? No!” Sehun shakes his head adamantly. “Why do you think so?”
“Because you’re frowning while drinking chocolate milk,” Junmyeon explains his reasoning. It is usually nice when your friends know you well, but it can also be pretty inconvenient and annoying, Sehun thinks to himself. “Are you nervous about the game tonight?”
Sehun is not nervous at all because he doesn’t really care. It is a bad thing to say, he knows. But it is not like he is an integral part of the team. And he doesn’t even enjoy playing that much. Nevertheless, he can still confirm Junmyeon’s assumption and use it as a diversion. Genius.
“Yeah, a bit.”
“Well, don’t worry, we’ll be there to cheer you on,” Junmyeon says with his mouth full of grilled chicken breast.
“Exactly,” Baekhyun chimes in. “Do you want some fries? You know, to help with the nerves.”
Sehun gives him a grateful smile and reaches his hand for the food because while he is not nervous, he could certainly use some comfort food in his broken-hearted state. Junmyeon opens his mouth, probably to comfort Sehun or to ask more about his nervousness, but Baekhyun quickly jumps in to ask about a paper that is due this week.
From then on, the table conversation continues mainly between Junmyeon and Baekhyun, which Sehun appreciates, not being in the mood to talk. He simply keeps munching on the fries and tries to avoid looking in Jongin’s direction with limited success. Sehun actually focuses on that so much that he doesn’t even realize that the reason why he is still eating fries is that Baekhyun has transferred all of them onto his plate.
~
Sehun walks into the packed basketball court in his uniform and heads right to the bench to get some file that their couch left there by accident. He still doesn’t know why he had to be the one to go get it back – though it is probably because he is one of the few players who know better than to talk back to the coach. That is what he gets for being nice.
He grabs the file and turns around, but instead of hurrying up back to the locker room, he stops in his tracks, completely taken aback after noticing an unexpected spectator in the first row.
“Jongin? What are you doing here?” he jogs over to him.
“Sehun, hi!” Jongin’s face lights up. “Chanyeol told me to come. I’ve never been, so he insisted I should experience it at least once.”
Yeah, probably because he wants to show off, Sehun thinks to himself. However, he can’t really blame him – if his own skills were at Chanyeol’s level and if he cared, he would invite people to come watch him too.
“Hey, I’ve just realized, are you coming to the party at Chanyeol’s house after the game?” Jongin suddenly asks, and Sehun knows exactly what he is talking about. After every game, Chanyeol and his friends from the team host a party at the house they rent near the campus. It is a tradition to which Sehun has always been invited, but actually showed up only once because those parties are definitely not his style. “I’m asking because Chanyeol invited me, but I probably won’t know that many people there, so it would be nice to see a familiar face.”
“I see,” Sehun mutters under his breath. What is he supposed to do now, huh? “Well, you’re in luck, I guess, because I’ll be there.”
Fuck. Wrong decision, Sehun, wrong decision! As soon as those words leave his mouth, he is sure he is going to regret it. Because it is pretty obvious why Chanyeol invited Jongin.
“That’s great! It’ll be fun.”
“Sure, totally,” Sehun says without actually meaning it. “I, um, have to get back, but see you later?”
“Yeah! And good luck in the game!”
Sehun is certainly going to need all the luck he can get. As soon as the game starts, he basically gives up on being an active part of it. Sure, he does what he is supposed to do because after many years of playing that is like a second nature to him, but at the same time his mind wanders and he is unable to focus solely on the game. Which means that he lets the other players take the lead role.
Contrarily, Chanyeol is playing probably the best he has ever played. Every time he scores, the spectators cheer, clap, shout, and chant. And Sehun just thinks to himself, man, this is what being popular means!
He should probably be envious of such attention, but he really isn’t. The only thing that is making him a bit mad is the fact that Jongin is one of those people who stand up and cheer with every score. And this is what helps Sehun decide to stop focusing on things he can’t control (such as going to a party where Jongin and Chanyeol will be all over each other) and show everybody what he is made of.
For once, he forgets about assisting and letting his teammates shine. He doesn’t pass the ball as they are expecting him to and goes for a three pointer. And then everything stops. It is like seeing the ball fly in slow motion, and Sehun holds his breath, wondering if he has just made a huge mistake. Is he even… wow, the ball actually goes in!
He feels one of his teammates patting him on the back. He hears the sound of people clapping. But it almost doesn’t seem real. Did he really just score like this? Without following his team’s usual strategy? That’s crazy! He really can’t believe that this is not a dream until he hears one extremely loud shout coming from the crowd.
“Yes, Sehun, let’s go, yes!”
He turns his head to see a very embarrassed Baekhyun in the fifth row. He is standing there with his hands in the air while the rest of the spectators remain seated, casting puzzled glances in Baekhyun’s direction. He is obviously in a state of shock because of his own enthusiastic response to Sehun’s success in the game, so Junmyeon literally has to pull him down to make him sit again and scolds him for attracting so much attention.
And while Sehun admits that he himself feels a bit embarrassed after that incident, especially because his teammates are sending him strange looks, it helps him get his head back in the game. Although he does not try to go off script again as he did before, he is able to focus and contribute the best he can for the rest of the game. And anytime he does, he is happy to see that Baekhyun continues to cheer for him – now in a much more composed manner.
~
“Why are we going to this party again?” Junmyeon asks when they are on their way. Thank goodness, Sehun is not going there alone. He has managed to convince Junmyeon and Baekhyun to tag along – which was necessary, but now he kind of regrets it because Junmyeon just can’t let things go without explanation. “I remember you said you’d hated it the last time you went.”
“Well, I thought I might give it another try,” Sehun tries his best not to lie but at the same time not to reveal his true intentions.
“Sure,” Junmyeon says with a doubting voice. “So, is there like a special someone you –“
“No, nothing like that!” Sehun doesn’t let him finish. “I just feel good about the game today and want to celebrate. Is that so unbelievable?”
“It’s you, so yeah,” Junmyeon chuckles. “But if that’s really the case, I’m happy to celebrate with you.”
“Thank you. That’s what I wanted to hear.”
Sehun really needs Junmyeon to be there for him tonight. Because if he sees Jongin with Chanyeol, there better be someone who can distract him from feeling completely heartbroken. And Sehun knows that moment will come. That is actually why he takes a deep breath and mentally prepares himself for the worst before they step into Chanyeol’s house.
The party is in full swing – there is EMD music blaring out through loudspeakers and people dancing with drinks in their hands in the living room. Sehun looks around the crowed space to see if he can spot Jongin but no luck. It is probably for the best anyway.
“Okay, so what do you – hey, Goeun, you’re here!”
And with that Junmyeon disappears somewhere in the sea of people, abandoning his two friends. Damn, how did Sehun manage to forget that Junmyeon can be such a social butterfly? It was certainly an error of judgement on Sehun’s part that he expected him to stick around.
“How typical,” Sehun turns to Baekhyun, who is still there standing right next to him. “Hey, if you want to go meet your friends as well, that’s –“
“No, not at all,” Baekhyun says without hesitation. “That is unless you want me to go?”
“Of course not! I just didn’t want you to get stuck with me only because Junmyeon left.”
“Well, guess what, I’m glad to be stuck with you,” Baekhyun chuckles while patting Sehun gently on the back. “So, a drink?”
“You bet.”
With Baekhyun closely following him, Sehun heads right into to the kitchen, familiar with its location since he has been in the house before. On their way, they walk past a lot of drunk people, some couples making out, and a very long line of people waiting to use the bathroom, which are just some of the indicators that this party is a very popular event. And Sehun would expect nothing less from Chanyeol and his friends.
“Hey, so I wanted to apologize for being a little over the top at the game today,” Baekhyun says as he opens a beer for Sehun. “I had no idea I would end up being the only one shouting and standing up.”
“Please, that’s okay,” Sehun waves him off. “I admit it was a bit embarrassing, but it felt nice knowing that there is someone cheering me on.”
“Really? I should make a fool of myself more often then.”
“I’d definitely appreciate that, thanks,” Sehun laughs and takes a sip of his beer.
Baekhyun is really such a nice guy, Sehun thinks to himself once again. Even though they are not close friends and they hang out basically only because of Junmyeon, Baekhyun always cheers him on and compliments him whenever there is an opportunity to do so. Sehun would like to tell him how much it means to him and how it often makes his day better, but he is too shy to express his feelings like that. Perhaps if he gets a bit more drunk today, he can –
“Shit,” Sehun curses without thinking, almost chocking on his beer.
“What? What happened?” Baekhyun immediately begins to look around to see what has provoked such a strong reaction.
“Nothing, nothing, I just… I, umm, I remembered that I’d forgotten to give my mom a call.”
Sehun wishes that was the reason. He wishes it was just about something trivial like that. He wishes it wasn’t about finally catching a sight of Jongin in the living room. And he certainly wishes he hadn’t seen Chanyeol’s arm around Jongin’s shoulders.
His grip around the beer bottle tightens as he cannot avert his eyes from the pair. They are talking to Chanyeol’s friends and laughing, and they look so comfortable with each other… so, so, comfortable. And while Sehun has already given up on Jongin, because, let’s be honest, he is not delusional, and all he wants is for Jongin to be happy, it still sucks pretty bad to have to see that.
“Do you ever just feel like a supporting character in someone else’s story?” Sehun voices his thoughts out of nowhere because he just can’t keep them inside his head anymore. It is too painful.
Baekhyun looks up at him, and it is pretty evident that he is caught off guard by the question and also by the sudden change in the mood. He notices that Sehun’s eyes are fixed on something, so he follows his line of vision. Still, he cannot be sure what the exact focus of Sehun’s attention is because there are so many things happening in the living room… is he just looking at the people in general? Or perhaps at the group of his basketball teammates? Or someone specific? Baekhyun might never know.
“I do, yeah. Sometimes it feels like…” he doesn’t get to finish his sentence because his jaw drops as Sehun finishes his beer and reaches out for another. “Whoa, you might want to slow down.”
“It’s fine, I have a high tolerance.”
More importantly, Sehun really needs to get drunk to distract himself from feeling like a compete asshole. Why can’t he just be fine with seeing Jongin with Chanyeol? Why does it make him feel so sad? He keeps telling himself that he is over Jongin and that he is fine as long as Jongin is happy, but once he is confronted with reality, all of that somehow falls apart and he becomes a total mess. He worries that makes him a bad person, which only adds to all of the other negative emotions.
So, how to do it? How to force himself to be okay with seeing Chanyeol’s hand over Jongin’s shoulder? How to supress all of the conflicting emotions he feels when Jongin’s eyes crinkle when Chanyeol whispers something into his ear? And how not to ignore the pain in his chest when they look so good together when walking towards the kitchen?
Wait… they are walking towards the kitchen!
“Sehun, you came, hi!” Jongin’s face lights up once his eyes settle on the familiar face.
He moves away from Chanyeol and quickly strides over to Sehun, which means that the former just ends up standing there near the kitchen door with a baffled expression on his face and one arm in the air with nothing to hold now that Jongin’s shoulders are gone.
“Hi,” Sehun replies to Jongin and wants to add something else, but then Chanyeol recovers from the surprising turn of events and hurries over to Jongin to place his arm around his shoulders once again, which knocks the wind out of Sehun. Because seeing that gesture up close is something completely different. And it is also much worse.
“Hi,” Jongin repeats again when Sehun doesn’t say anything else and tilts his head to the side, obviously confused by his friend’s behaviour. “Who’s your friend?”
His friend? Oh! Sehun’s eyes widen once he realizes that there is actually Baekhyun leaning against the kitchen counter right next to him. He has completely forgotten about him for a second!
“Baekhyun, hi,” the man in question answers for himself.
“Hi, I’m Jongin, nice to meet you!” Jongin beams at Baekhyun, which only confirms to Sehun that he must be a bit drunk. Because he is usually a lot more timid than that around strangers. “And this is Chanyeol.”
“Yeah, I know, hi. And good game today.”
“Thanks,” Chanyeol smirks with confidence that only Chanyeol could possess. “I saw you were pretty invested in it.”
“Yeah, umm,” Baekhyun scratches the back of his neck sheepishly. “I guess I got a little bit too excited.”
“No, that’s fine. It must feel nice for Sehun to have such a big fan.”
“I thought it was really cute!” Jongin suddenly chimes in. “And Sehun, you did great today.”
“Thank you,” Sehun is finally able to produce words again. “Did you –“
“What are you drinking?” Chanyeol interrupts Sehun mid-sentence, and now all of Jongin’s attention is on him.
The two have a conversation about the drinks while Sehun just stands there helplessly. Why helplessly? Because he has realized something quite unnerving. Obviously, it is clear that Chanyeol doesn’t like the fact that he and Jongin are close. And when the two of them inevitably start dating, he might try to keep Jongin away from Sehun, which will honestly break Sehun’s heart so much more than the fact that Jongin will never be interested in him.
“Hey, we’re going dancing, so see you later.” Sehun notices that Baekhyun taps Jongin’s arm with those exact words, and before he knows it, he feels a strong grip on his hand and he is being dragged away.
“What a dick!” Baekhyun says as soon as they leave the kitchen.
“Huh?” Sehun honestly has no idea what Baekhyun is talking about and even what he is trying to do. He simply lets himself be led away by him.
“The way he kept glaring at you?! And how he possessively had to put his arm around Jongin! And don’t even get me started on how he interrupted you just now. I mean… I get that he is jealous or whatever but come on!”
“Jealous? Of me?!” Sehun’s mouth gapes open. “Why would he be jealous of me?”
“I think that’s pretty obvious,” Baekhyun finally stops stomping once they get to the side of the living room that is the furthest from the kitchen. “Jongin likes you, and it makes him feel threatened.”
“Well, he shouldn’t feel that way because Jongin and I are just friends.” It hurts a bit to say that, but Sehun needs to get used to it. “And everybody can see that he is interested in Chanyeol.”
“I guess,” Baekhyun shrugs. “That doesn’t mean that Chanyeol can’t feel nervous when Jongin talks to other hot guys.”
“What hot guys?”
“Are you serious?” Baekhyun can’t help but roll his eyes. “You are a hot guy, keep up!”
“That’s really nice of you to say, but –“ Sehun doesn’t get to finish because he spots Jongin in the crowd, and it dawns on him that he needs to make his sudden disappearance seem as natural as possible.
So, he does the first thing he can think of: he grabs Baekhyun and pulls him into the crowd of dancing people.
“Sorry,” he squeaks as his left hand immediately finds Baekhyun’s waist to steady him after such a sudden movement. “You said we were going dancing, so I didn’t want Jongin to think –”
“It’s fine, I get it,” Baekhyun assures him. “I’m just glad I didn’t spill my beer.”
“That would’ve been a disaster, yeah,” Sehun chuckles and takes a sip of his own drink, all that while trying to vibe with the music that is currently playing.
“Totally. Oh, and by the way, how do you and Jongin know each other? I don’t think I’ve ever heard you mention him.”
“Yeah, we’re not that close,” Sehun lies to save face. He can’t possibly say that he just didn’t mention Jongin because he didn’t want Junmyeon to figure out that he has a crush. Because Junmyeon would certainly force him to do something about it. “We just know each other from our drawing course.”
“Oh, the one you drew all those beautiful pictures of windows for?”
“You remember that?” Sehun can’t believe it. He knows he showed those pictures to Junmyeon and Baekhyun before submitting them, but he would never expect Baekhyun to be able to recall that.
“Of course! But I keep wondering – why windows?”
“The assignment was to draw pictures of variations of an object that is meaningful to us,” Sehun starts to explain. “I chose windows because that’s what I like to design the most. And at the same time, I really like the saying that eyes are the windows to the soul. I just wish it was as easy to look into someone’s soul through their eyes as it is with windows.”
“Wow,” says Baekhyun, who has been listening attentively the whole time while leaning closer to Sehun to hear him properly over the sound of loud music. “That’s such a special reason for choosing windows.”
“You think so? It’s not lame?”
“Not at all!” Baekhyun exclaims. “And I would’ve never thought of that. But you’re so right. I wish it was that easy too.”
The way Baekhyun says it, almost under his breath and with a mysterious expression, shows that he knows exactly what Sehun means and can truly relate to him. Sehun can’t remember the last time he felt this seen by someone, which is makes him feel all kinds of things.
“I feel like we’ve danced enough to avoid any kind of suspicion that we left only because it was awkward,” Baekhyun says, and once again it shows that he really understands what Sehun means even if Sehun doesn’t exactly spell it out for him. “So, I propose stopping for a drink in the kitchen and then going out to the garden. The air here is simply awful.”
“I one hundred percent agree.”
In the kitchen, they decide to each do a shot of vodka before they take their beers and leave for the garden. Which is certainly a nice change because once they walk past the smokers standing near the door, they can finally draw some breaths of fresh air. Plus, their ears stop being terrorized by the loud music, though they can still faintly hear the beat.
“I wonder where Junmyeon went,” Sehun looks around the garden.
“Yeah, I don’t think we’ll see him for the rest of the night. I’m just glad there’s someone I can talk to for once when he ditches me.”
“Really? Does this happen often?”
“Well, I wouldn’t exactly say often because we don’t go out like this that much, but when we do, this is pretty much the standard. So, yeah, I’m glad you’re here.” Baekhyun pats Sehun on the back.
“Same,” Sehun blushes a little bit. “You’re a really nice person, you know that?”
“Me?” Baekhyun looks up at him with wide eyes. “Thank you, but that’s so… I mean, coming from you… to be honest, I thought you didn’t like me very much.”
“That’s not true!” Sehun lets out a shout, which makes a few people look in their direction. “I like you, but sometimes it takes me longer to get used to people… and I can seem a bit distant. Sorry.”
Baekhyun seems to be relieved to hear that. But then his smiling expression turns more serious. It looks like he is about to say something but doesn’t get the chance to do so as…
“Sehun!”
Both Baekhyun and Sehun turn around to see Jongin walking towards them. Alone.
“Hey, what are you doing here?”
“Chanyeol and his friends are playing some game, so I thought I’d go hang out with you. Is that okay?”
“Sure!” Sehun quickly answers. Then he notices that Jongin is shivering, which makes sense since he is just in his T-shirt and it is a bit chilly outside. “Here, take my jacket.”
“No, that’s fine, you’ll be cold!”
“I’ll be fine, I’m wearing a long sleeve,” Sehun takes off his denim jacket and puts it around Jongin’s shoulders. “What are you drinking?”
“This?” Jongin looks down at the pink drink in his hand. “Something that Chanyeol mixed up for me. It’s sweet. Do you want to try it?”
“Okay,” Sehun accepts the glass and takes a small sip before handing it back to Jongin. “It’s really sweet, but I like it.”
“Me too!” Jongin laughs softly, which does things to Sehun’s heart he can never admit. “Chanyeol said he’d created it for me. But I’m not sure if it’s not just what he always tells people.”
“I wouldn’t worry about that.” Sehun says it because Jongin’s shaky voice when doubting Chanyeol makes his heart ache. “It’s pretty obvious he cares about you.”
“You really think so?” Jongin’s eyes literally sparkle, and now Sehun’s heart hurts for a completely different reason. “I mean, I don’t want to be just another… you know…”
“You could never be just another, trust me.”
“That’s so nice of you to say,” Jongin leans his head on Sehun’s shoulder and gives him a very quick side hug. “Sehun is really the best, isn’t he?”
“Yes, he is,” Baekhyun agrees, but there is something off about the way he says it. Sehun turns his head to look at him and when he does, Baekhyun stares directly into Sehun’s eyes, his expression unreadable.
“I think I should head back,” Jongin suddenly breaks the silence. “Chanyeol might be wondering where I am.”
“Of course,” Sehun clears his throat and nods.
“So, thanks for the jacket, and I’ll see you inside later?”
“Sure.”
Sehun puts on his jacket as he watches Jongin disappear into the house. And then it dawns on him… did he really just encourage Jongin to pursue a relationship with Chanyeol? Did he actually help fix something that was wrong between them?
He can’t believe it. He must be the craziest person in the world. Damn it. He just wants to…
“Let’s go home, okay?” Baekhyun actually reads his mind.
“Yeah.”
~
The walk to the dorms is quiet, mainly because Sehun can’t bring himself to say anything.
He is pretty sure Baekhyun has figured out what is going on. How could he not after what happened? The way Sehun acted throughout the whole party, he basically exposed himself for being completely infatuated with Jongin. And sure, Jongin himself probably still has no idea, too busy worrying about his relationship with Chanyeol, but Baekhyun is way too quick-witted to overlook all of those hints Sehun has dropped despite himself.
Sehun wonders if Baekhyun feels bad for him. Or if he simply thinks that Sehun is a total loser for crumbling under the pressure of Jongin’s sad expression and sparking eyes. Hell, even Sehun himself knows that was awful.
“I’m such an idiot,” he mumbles under his breath.
“You’re not! You’re just kind-hearted to a fault.”
“That’s not true. I’m selfish and self-centred and overall a bad person.”
“Don’t say that!” Baekhyun reprimands him with a pout. “You had a chance to sabotage their relationship, but you did the complete opposite. Not everybody would have done that!”
“Would you?”
“Probably, but it’s hard to say, I’ve never been in a situation like that before.”
“I bet you would. And you’d feel a lot better about it than I do,” Sehun sighs.
“Please, you think too highly of me,” Baekhyun shakes his head, and at that moment, they reach their dorms and stop in front of the buildings. “I’m a lot more selfish than I look.”
“Really? Prove it.”
Sehun says it as a joke, of course, so he is quite perplexed when he notices that Baekhyun is studying him with a searching expression on his face. Sehun is about to add that he was just kidding, but Baekhyun suddenly starts moving closer to him. He does so while maintaining eye contact until his eyes drop to Sehun’s lips, which sends the other to a panic mode. Is he… is Baekhyun going to kiss him?!
And for a moment, it certainly looks like it, especially when their faces get so close to each other Sehun can feel Baekhyun’s breath. But then, just as Sehun shuts his eyes in anticipation, Baekhyun’s cheek simply brushes against Sehun’s as he goes for an affectionate hug.
What? Did Sehun just read the whole interaction completely wrong?
“Turns out I can’t be that selfish after all.”
“Huh?” Sehun’s forehead wrinkles in confusion. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I don’t know,” Baekhyun laughs against Sehun’s chest before he lets him go and takes a step back. “I guess I had too much to drink.”
“Really?” Baekhyun seems fine to Sehun, but he could be just one of those people who hide it well. And Sehun does remember Junmyeon telling him that Baekhyun was kind of a lightweight. “Let me walk you to your room then.”
“Yeah, that might be a good idea.”
Sehun lives in the A building, and he has never been to the C part of the dorms where Baekhyun resides, so he simply follows the other, hoping that Baekhyun is okay enough to find his own room.
Now that he fully concentrates on it, he can see that Baekhyun is a bit drunk. He doesn’t walk in a straight line and swings from side to side, and he also slurs his words a little bit (although he still makes sense when he speaks). How did Sehun even miss it before? Was he so preoccupied with his own problems that he forgot to actually pay attention to Baekhyun?
“This is me,” Baekhyun stops in front of one room and leans against the doorframe.
“Okay.” Sehun waits for a second, but nothing else happens. “I think you need your keys.”
“Keys? Hmm,” Baekhyun pats himself down. “Keys.”
Sehun is about to help him look and – jeez, he literally jumps up as the door to Baekhyun’s room flings open, and there is an unfamiliar figure standing opposite of him.
“You’re back already?”
“Kyungsoo!” Baekhyun turns around with a wide smile on his face. “Sehun, this is my amazing roommate, Kyungsoo! And Kyungsoo, this is Sehun.”
“Oh, so this is Sehun,” Baekhyun’s roommate looks Sehun up and down, scowling for some reason, which makes the other feel a little worried. What did Baekhyun tell him?
“Hi, I, umm, I wanted to make sure he gets here safe.”
“That’s nice of you,” Kyungsoo says with a deadpan expression, once again making Sehun confused and concerned at the same time.
“See! I told you Sehun’s nice.”
“I don’t think you did. The only thing you described as nice is his –“
Baekhyun yelps as he slaps his hand across Kyungsoo’s mouth and pushes him back inside the room.
“Ignore him, he’s too sleep deprived to make any sense,” he laughs nervously. “Anyway, thank you so much for walking me home, bye!”
And then Baekhyun shuts the door in Sehun’s face, leaving him even more befuddled than before.
~
Sehun sips on chocolate milk as he doodles into his sketchbook, ignoring his lunch. He is supposed to come up with an idea for one of his drawing assignments, but nothing comes to mind. It is very frustrating, and he is extremely jealous of Jongin, who has already thought of the whole concept.
Which reminds him – Jongin. Yeah, there’s no point in beating around the bush, he and Chanyeol started dating the night of the party. Sehun didn’t even need to ask, Jongin told him all of the information the moment he sat next to him in their class today. Apparently, it was quite romantic, Chanyeol confessed his feelings for Jongin when they were sitting together in the garden wrapped in a blanket, and then Jongin even spent the night. Which is, honestly, a little more than Sehun wanted to know.
With that said, he somehow feels relieved that they finally got together. It means that Sehun can stop asking himself what if and start getting over Jongin properly. So far, at the back of his mind, there has always been this option that it might not work out, and Sehun will get another chance. And that has been holding him back. So, now that it is official that Jongin is in a relationship, he can finally let go.
“Hi.”
Sehun looks up to see Baekhyun standing next to his table.
“Hi,” he gives him a gentle smile. “Why are you not sitting down?”
Baekhyun is about to answer his question but clearly decides against it as Junmyeon approaches the table as well and plops down.
“Hey, what are you working on?” he asks Sehun while Baekhyun takes a seat as well, though he doesn’t look as comfortable doing so as he usually does.
“An assignment, but I can’t figure out the concept.”
“Hmm, then take a break and eat some food, it might come to you.”
Sehun purses his lips and glances at the food on his tray. For some reason, he is not even hungry, and he hates it when he has to force himself to eat when he doesn’t feel like it, so Junmyeon’s idea doesn’t excite him at all. But he knows his friend will keep pestering him until he eats something because that is his way of taking care of him, which is what he has being doing since they were little kids.
“Hey, do you want some cookies?” Sehun’s eyes shift to Baekhyun, who is holding a box of chocolate chip cookies. “Kyungsoo made them.”
“Your roommate bakes?” Sehun reaches into the box and hesitantly grabs one of the cookies.
“Yeah, he’s actually a food science major.”
“Really? Never would’ve guessed.” Sehun takes a bite, and his face immediately lights up. “These are so good!”
“Right?” Baekhyun chuckles as he places the box right in front of Sehun.
“Wait, Sehun, you’ve met Baekhyun’s roommate?”
Sehun almost chokes on the cookie as Junmyeon catches him off guard with that question. That is why he takes a sip of his chocolate milk before speaking again. “Y-yeah, I met him when I walked Baekhyun home on Friday.”
“Oh yeah, after the party, right?” Junmyeon nods in recognition. “Which reminds me: why did you leave me there and disappear so early?”
“Left you there?” Baekhyun retorts indignantly. “You ditched us right when we came in, so you have no right to complain about that.”
“I didn’t ditch you, I – “ Junmyeon stops talking right when Baekhyun shoots him a piercing look. “Okay, fine, I did, sorry. Anyway, I don’t think you missed anything. The only interesting thing that happened was that everybody freaked out when Park Chanyeol made out with some guy in the garden.”
Sehun’s face turns a bit red. But for a completely different reason than one might expect. “It’s not some guy. His name is Kim Jongin, and he’s way out of Chanyeol’s league.”
“Wait, what? You know him?” Junmyeon’s eyes widen in surprise.
“Yes. He’s… he’s a friend,” Sehun says while glancing at Baekhyun, who is just sitting there with a dazed expression on his face.
“Really? I don’t think I’ve ever heard you talk about him. Weird.”
Sehun shrugs and takes another one of those delicious cookies Baekhyun’s roommate baked. Since he didn’t answer Junmyeon and therefore showed no interest in the topic, his friend shifts his attention to Baekhyun and starts talking about one of their acquittances he met at the party.
Baekhyun listens to Junmyeon, humming and nodding when it is appropriate, but his eyes keep drifting over to the other person at their table, which Sehun fails to notice, too distracted by how delicious those chocolate chip cookies are.
~
Later that day, Sehun clears his throat before he knocks at a door. He is quite nervous at this point, so he crosses his fingers and hopes that the person answering the door will be the one who makes him feel more comfortable. Unfortunately, he has never been someone whose wishes come true.
“Sehun?”
“Hi. Is Baekhyun there?” Sehun asks exactly like he rehearsed in his head on his way over there.
“Um, yeah,” Kyungsoo answers tentatively. “Baekhyun! Hey, Baekhyun! He’s wearing handphones, give me a second.”
Kyungsoo disappears in the room while leaving the door slightly open, which means that Sehun can hear the conversation that is happening inside.
“Baekhyun!”
“Hmm?”
“There’s someone looking for you.”
“Huh? Who?”
“Sehun.”
“You’re kidding!”
“Go see for yourself.”
It is a matter of a split second before Baekhyun appears in the door, his mouth hanging open in shock. He probably didn’t believe that Kyungsoo was telling the truth.
“Sehun,” he breathes out. “What are you doing here?”
Before answering, Sehun notes in his head that it is crazy that Baekhyun can pull off looking great even if he is just wearing comfortable clothes, black sweatpants and a simple white T-shirt. It is also quite unfair.
“Hi. I actually came to ask you something. It felt too awkward to text you about it, so I came over. I hope that’s okay.”
“Sure!” Baekhyun’s face creases into a cheerful smile. “So, what’s up?”
“Well, umm, I was wondering if… if you’d be interested in posing for me,” Sehun looks down because it feels very embarrassing to ask someone that. “It’s for my drawing class, and we are supposed to draw a picture of someone we know. And, um, you were the first person I thought of.”
“Me?” Baekhyun gapes at him.
“Wait a moment.” And now there is Baekhyun’s roommate standing in the door as well. “Is this like a nude or something?”
“No!” Sehun hurries to say, waving his hands in the air helplessly. “I mean, it could be.” Baekhyun’s eyes almost pop out of his head at that point. “N-no, I did not mean it like that! The teacher just didn’t specify, so like if someone wanted it to be that, it’s possible, but that’s not what I’m interested in at all, I swear.” Now those words make Baekhyun immediately narrow his eyes and pout. Damn it. “I’m sorry, that came out wrong, I’m sure you look great naked, but –“
“Okay, okay, I get it, you don’t have to explain yourself anymore,” Baekhyun makes the stop gesture with his hand while laughing. “Maybe just tell me what you have in mind for the picture.”
Sehun exhales. This is hard. “Nothing fancy. Just you siting on a bench. You can be on your phone or read or whatever. At least I won’t waste your time like that.”
“How considerate,” Kyungsoo chimes in, but since Baekhyun shoots him a pointed look, he mumbles something Sehun can’t hear and disappears back into the room.
“It’ll probably be like two or three sessions, but I promise I’ll try to be finish it quickly,” Sehun says, hoping it will tip the scales in his favour. “So, what do you say?”
~
It ends up being four sessions, but thankfully Baekhyun doesn’t seem to mind. He uses the time to study his human biology textbook, and sometimes he even reads aloud to Sehun when he finds a text the other might be interested in. That is how Sehun learns that if you stretched out your lungs, it could cover the size of a tennis court, which both scares and fascinates him.
However, Baekhyun also takes a lot of pauses while reading and uses those to talk to Sehun, who is sometimes able to have a conversation while drawing, but more often than not has to put down his pencil because he loses concentration. It is okay though since he enjoys talking to Baekhyun. Baekhyun is very funny, quick-witted, smart, kind, and most importantly understanding. It never feels like he judges Sehun.
And another great thing about Baekhyun is that he doesn’t insist on sneaking a peek at Sehun’s drawing before it is finished. Sure, he asks once or twice, but he really respects it when Sehun says no.
For their last session, Baekhyun even brings those cookies Sehun liked so much, saying that he had to beg his roommate to bake those for them. He then takes some before he goes to sit on the bench they have been using (it is located in a park near their campus), but he leaves most of them in the box for Sehun to munch on while he draws.
“What are you reading about right now?” Sehun asks after a while because Baekhyun has been unusually quiet.
“The reproductive system. It’s quite fascinating.”
“Really?” Sehun tilts his head to the side. “Anything useful?”
“Sehun, it’s a textbook, not a magazine. If you need any sex tips, use the internet.”
“Very funny,” Sehun rolls his eyes. “You know, I actually think I’ll miss you making fun of me.”
“Why?” Baekhyun looks up from his textbook. “It’s not like we’ll stop seeing each other after you finish.”
“Yeah, but it’s different when Junmyeon’s around.”
“Well, we could hang out just the two of us. For example, you could come to my room, and we could play some games, like PUBG?"
“I’d love to!” A radiant smile plays across Sehun’s face. “But won’t Kyungsoo mind?”
“I’m sure he won’t. So, how about Thursday? Around six?”
~
“Come on in.”
Sehun steps into the room and looks around. It’s basically the same as his own room, but what he finds rather unusual is that the right side of the room is full of black items and the desk on the right makes it seem like a hacker lives here. Therefore, it is not hard to tell which side belongs to Baekhyun.
“So, where’s your roommate?”
“I think he said something about going to the library, I don’t know, I was wearing my headphones,” Baekhyun shrugs as he takes a seat in his chair. “Anyway, you can set up on my bed, or we could take Kyungsoo’s chair, your choice.”
“Your bed’s fine, thanks.”
Sehun places his laptop case on Baekhyun’s bed, unzips it, and takes out its contents. Baekhyun is watching the whole process to see what kind of laptop he uses, but what actually captures his attention is a mysterious black folder.
“This is actually for you,” Sehun says when he catches him looking at it. He then sits down on the bed and pushes the folder towards Baekhyun. “It’s the drawing.”
“Really? Let me see!”
After Baekhyun opens the folder, his eyes immediately fly open in surprise.
It is an ink drawing of Baekhyun sitting on a bench and reading a book, which is exactly what he expected, but at the same time it is so much more. The attention to detail is amazing. For example, Baekhyun can’t believe Sehun managed to capture the way the wind played with Baekhyun’s hair. Or that he took the time to draw Baekhyun’s clothes in a way that resembles the real ones very closely. It is also crazy to think about how difficult it must have been to draw Baekhyun’s face – because it looks exactly like him, and – wait. There is one unexpected detail after all Baekhyun did not notice at first. Because instead of him reading a book, what Sehun did was that he drew Baekhyun looking in his direction and brightly smiling at him. Wow.
“Sehun, that’s so beautiful. Thank you,” Baekhyun hands the folder back, and it is pretty obvious that he is very touched by how much work Sehun put into the drawing.
“I’m glad you think so, but this is actually yours to keep.”
“What? Don’t you have to submit it to your teacher?”
“I’ve already submitted a copy to him,” Sehun answers, but then he averts his eyes from Baekhyun’s face. “It was actually a part of the assignment. We were supposed to draw a picture of someone we are thankful for and then give them the original as a present.”
“Are you for real? Why didn’t you tell me before?” Sehun is still not looking at Baekhyun. “I don’t even know why you’d be thankful for me.”
“Because it feels like you see me,” Sehun whispers, but Baekhyun is able to catch it. “And you make me believe that I matter. That I… that I could be the hero of my own story.”
“Sehun, of course I see you,” Baekhyun jumps out of his chair and instead sits on his knees right next to Sehun on the bed. “I’ve seen you for a very long time.”
“You have?”
“Yes. And to be honest, you’ve always been the main hero for me,” Baekhyun says softly as he places his right hand on Sehun’s cheek.
Sehun flinches at first because he doesn’t expect it, but soon he just melts under Baekhyun’s warm touch. He closes his eyes to take it all in, and he lifts up his own hand to place it on top of Baekhyun’s, making the physical contact even warmer.
“You can’t do this to me, Sehun.”
“What?” Sehun opens his eyes, and he is taken aback by Baekhyun’s troubled expression. “What am I doing?”
“You can’t make it this hard for me to hold back.”
Once Baekhyun says it, all the puzzle pieces suddenly fit in. Literally each and every one of them. And now, there is a complete picture in front of Sehun’s eyes: a picture he couldn’t see before. A picture of someone who cares about him, but not only as a friend. As someone who could be a lot more. And honestly, it makes so much sense.
“What if I don’t want you to hold back?” Sehun’s eyes drop down. It seems like his whole world is spinning right now.
“If that’s what you really want.”
As Sehun feels a hand on his other cheek, he closes his eyes once again and waits for a pair of lips to brush against his. It happens so delicately, so softly, and then Baekhyun slightly pulls away as if worried if that was really okay. So, Sehun takes the matter into his own hands. He presses his lips against Baekhyun’s, hoping that Baekhyun will realize it is more than okay, which he actually does, judging from the fact that he is the one to deepen their kiss.
Sehun is actually so entranced by the kiss itself that it takes him a second to realize that Baekhyun has casually climbed into his lap. Which is of course okay. More than okay! Sehun even takes the opportunity to place his hands on the small of Baekhyun’s back to press him closer, which makes Baekhyun immediately moan into his mouth.
“I like making out with you,” Sehun says as they ultimately pause their kiss for breath.
“I like making out with you too,” Baekhyun smiles and gives him a peck on the lips. “That’s why it really sucks that we should stop.”
“Why? Do you want to game instead?” Sehun looks at Baekhyun’s computer. “I mean, I’m fine with it, as long as you promise we’ll go back to kissing soon.”
“Please, I love gaming more than anything, and it could still never stop me from kissing you,” Baekhyun laughs at Sehun’s idea. “No, the problem is that Kyungsoo made me promise I’d never subject him to seeing us make out if we ever got together.”
“Wait, how long have you –“
“Please, don’t ask, it’s too embarrassing!” Baekhyun covers his face with his hands. “Let’s just say that I’ve had a crush on you for some time now. And I couldn’t tell Junmyeon that, so Kyungsoo was the one who had to listen to all of it.”
“But that’s so cute!”
“Really?” Baekhyun peeks at Sehun through his fingers.
“Of course! And while we’re on this topic, what was the thing of mine that you described as nice?”
“Oh my god, you still remember that?!” Baekhyun squeals, and his face turns completely red. “Well, I might have mentioned at one time or another that you have a very nice… backside.”
“Do you mean my ass?” Sehun snickers.
“Yes, I mean your ass,” Baekhyun literally facepalms. “Happy?”
“More than you know.”
~
“Come on, Baekhyun, you promised!” Kyungsoo cries out the moment he steps into the dorm room.