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One of the perks of having his own office was not being subject to the looks of the other ADAs when he kept working while everyone else took their leave at the end of the day. Now Sonny could work as late as he needed to without having to answer all the possible variations of “ Shouldn’t you go home?”
And so here he was, well into the night still poring over witness statements and defense motions, when a voice he longed to hear outside his dreams came from the doorway.
“Wow, they’re really giving offices to right about anyone these days I see.”
Sonny turned his head so fast into the door he heard his neck pop. There, leaning into a wall was none other than Rafael Barba, smiling tentatively at him. He looked good. Really good. With casual clothes and a full beard, Rafael looked like an entirely different person. Or better yet a relaxed, stress-free version of the person he once was. The person Sonny once thought he knew.
Liv had mentioned in passing that Barba was back in New York and while he couldn’t deny his desire to see the man, he never expected him to show up at his doorstep. Or One Hogan Place’s doorstep to be more precise.
After his trial and subsequential department, the two men had shared a few scarce conversations. There had been apologies and advice, especially when Sonny was about to make the move to the DA’s office. The one thing they had silently agreed on not discussing, at least over the phone, was the underlying feelings that had colored their every interaction in the years they spend working together. That subject was to be tackled face to face but unfortunately, they kept missing each other never being in the same place at the same time long enough to discuss and unpack almost 6 years of repressed emotions.
He had mentally stagged that particular conversation many times, picturing all the things he would say to Rafael, all the things Rafael would say to him. It changed a little every time but the ending was always the same. Their lips pressed together, hearts open to each other and with a clear path ahead of them.
Now that he finally had the man in front of him Sonny felt like ditching the talking part and jump straight into the finale. But it would be weird to jump him and kiss him out of the blue without as much as a hi, so Sonny goes for plan B and gets off his chair and makes his way to where Rafael is, founding his voice along the way.
“And they let you in? Gonna make some phone calls about the security of this place.”
Sonny’s steps bring them face to face and before he can overthink it or talk himself out of it he reaches for Rafael and pulls him into a tight hug, with one arm securely wrapped around his waist and the other over his shoulders. It should be weird or awkward, after all the most contact they had had before this moment was resumed to handshakes and pats on the shoulder, but all feeling of inadequacy disappear as soon as Rafael returns the embrace, holding him just as tightly. All the unsaid words and wasted time is forgotten while they’re in each other’s arms
“I missed you so much. You have no idea” The words are whispered into Rafael’s neck “Every time something happened I turned to share it with you but you were never there. You were gone and left me to pick up the pieces I didn’t know you had broken. How could you leave like that, I needed you. I still do.”
There were tears mixed with the hushed confession, making Rafael squeeze him into his arms even more. After a few more minutes they slowly let go but don’t move too far, leaving only a few inches between them.
“I’m so sorry, you didn’t deserve any of it. Running away sounded like an easy way out, the truth is I was scared. After what I did- I couldn’t bear to look at you and see only disappointment in your eyes. I wasn’t strong enough to go through that.” His hands don’t stop moving while he speaks. They reach for Sonny’s face, cupping his cheeks, fixing his hair, holding him gently, the tenderness behind the gestures making his eyes a little brighter with unshed tears.
“I could never be disappointed in you. Not when your only intention was helping those in need”
Rafael is staring at him and smiling, a shy but genuine tug of lips that would have Sonny falling in love with him on the spot if he wasn’t already in so deep. He vows right there and then to do everything in his power to see that smile again.
“I didn’t come here expecting this but I’m glad we got it out of the way.”
“Oh, really you’re telling me you didn’t come here for me to cry over your nice shirt?" Sonny’s hands come to rest on his collar near the damp spot previously occupied by his face.
"I came to tell you I'm really proud of you Sonny. I always knew you would be an amazing lawyer, it's good to see I was right"
The confession takes him by surprise. It’s not as if he was waiting to have Barba’s approval as a signal he was doing a good job. He knows his worth and that he is a damn good prosecutor despite everything. But hearing the man he spent so much time looking up to and admiring saying he’s proud of him fills him with warmth and leaves him almost giddy with excitement.
“You really mean that?”
“Of course I do” Rafael’s assurance is soft yet strong at the same time and Sonny can’t help but beam at him.
Sonny thinks maybe he should say something else because it looks like Rafael is waiting for a response but all the words seemed to have vanished from his mind and all he can do is look at the man in front of him with what he’s sure are the biggest heart eyes in human history. He can see the tips of his ears turning red and isn’t it so delightful that all it takes to make Barba blush is to stare at him with all the love and admiration he deserves?
Taking pity on him Sonny clears his throat and moves back to his table to pack his briefcase. There’s no way he can get more work after the events of the last half hour. The disappointment is clear in Rafael’s face when he steps back but it’s soon replaced with understanding when he realizes why.
“Have you eaten yet? We could go and have a late dinner?” Sonny asks as he finishes packing the last files in their appropriate places. He makes the short trip back to where Rafael is, still smiling and looking at him softly.
“That sounds great, lead the way Counselor.