Chapter Text
Prologue: Weirdmageddon
Our setting: Gravity Falls, OR.
Our cast of characters:
- Gordon Freeman, age 17, rising high school senior.
- Tommy Coolatta, age 26, mayor’s son.
- Dr. Bubby [REDACTED], age 63, owner of the Mystery Shack.
- Dr. Harold P. Coomer, age 61, MIA.
- Darnold Pepper, age 28, employee at the Mystery Shack.
- Forzen Nice, age 34, employee at the Mystery Shack.
- Mayor Coolatta, age [REDACTED], Gravity Falls mayor.
- Ben Cipher, age [REDACTED], otherworldly deity.
- Sunkist, a pig.
Gordon’s parents had said that they sent him away to the Middle of Nowhere, Oregon, in order to foster his love of physics. The family friend, a near stranger to him, that they were shipping him out to used to be a physicist. “Used to,” being the crucial point. In reality, he thought they just wanted a summer to themselves. No matter. He could use one, too. As the Greyhound bus rumbled along a dirt road, he stared out the window, catching a glimpse of a wooden sign peeking over the pine trees.
“Welcome to Gravity Falls.”
The run-down nature of the sign didn’t bode well for the state of the town itself. Gordon was snapped out of his musings as the bus squealed to a stop.
“Last stop, Gravity Falls. End of the line, everyone off,” the driver barked.
Gordon looked around. He was the only one on the bus. He’d been the only one on the bus for nearly an hour. Hefting his dufflebag and grabbing the handle of his suitcase, he managed to struggle off the bus. Before he could turn to thank the driver, the doors closed and the bus kicked up a cloud of dust as it drove off. He coughed, waving away the dust and looking around. The family friend was supposed to pick him up from the bus stop, but there was no one. Typical. Fantastic way to start the day. At least he knew where he needed to go, and someone around was bound to know the way. With a quick scan of the surroundings, he spotted a man walking past the stop. He walked, as fast as he was able, up to him.
“Howdy? Excuse me?”
The man turned. The first thing that struck Gordon were his peculiar eyes. They were a very light brown, almost yellow, and seemed to reflect the light far more than they should. The rest of him looked relatively normal: olive skin dotted with a few freckles, brown hair, and a lanky frame that stood at least half a foot taller than Gordon. He looked up to see into the man’s face more clearly.
“Hi there! Can I help you?” His voice was cheery and high pitched.
“Uh… yeah, hi. I just got off the bus, and someone was supposed to-- nevermind. Do you know how to get to the Mystery Shack from here?”
“Oh, of course. I-- I can lead you there if you want! One of my friends works there, and I-- I haven’t seen him in a while.”
“I… would appreciate that, actually,” Gordon said, with a smile.
“Okay! M-My name’s Tommy, by the way.”
“Gordon. Gordon Freeman.”
The two shook hands. The man, Tommy (apparently), started down a street. Gordon followed, lugging his luggage behind him. He raised an eyebrow as the street dead-ended into a much more rugged path into the woods. The pine trees had wooden signs nailed to their trunks, leading the way deeper into the forest. They walked over a bridge and through more trees, until the forest opened up into a large clearing. In the center was a large wooden house, with a huge sign positioned on one of the roofs.
“Mystery Shack.”
Gordon looked up at it. “Well, this is it. Thanks for the help, Tommy.”
“No problem! Why did you want to find it, M-Mr. Freeman?”
Mr. Freeman? Oddly formal, but no matter.
“I’m actually supposed to be staying here this summer. Owner’s a family friend, and he agreed to take me. He was actually the one who was supposed to--”
There was a huge crash from the inside of the shack, followed by a slew of profanity, some words that Gordon had never even heard before. The front door slammed open and someone stormed out, smoking. Quite literally.
“Goddamned motherfucking piece of shit cash register! Old ass piece of fuck! Blowing up in my fucking face, I didn’t even know it could goddamn do that! Fuck!!” he barked, kicking the door shut indignantly. He spun around and stopped, taking in the two standing in front of him.
“Gordon?” he asked.
“Uh… yeah.”
“Hello, Professor Bubby!” Tommy smiled and waved.
“Doctor,” he snipped. “What are you doing here, Tommy?”
“I-- I’m here to see Darnold. Is he working today?”
Bubby gestured to the door, and Tommy walked inside, leaving the others outside.
“Sorry that I wasn’t able to come pick you up. I had some… complications. As you can see.” He wiped some of the soot from his face.
“Yeah… it’s okay. Tommy led me here,” Gordon replied.
Bubby walked down the stairs and up to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. His expression softened.
“Goddamn,” he said, “look at you. Last time I saw you, you were just over a foot tall. You’re almost a grown man now!”
Gordon chuckled. “Yeah, I guess. It’s good to see you. Or… meet you? I kind of remember you.”
Bubby reached down and grabbed the handle of the dufflebag, attempting to lift it. He gave up in the same second.
“Fucking hell! Did you pack bricks? I give up, you can carry your own shit.”
Gordon hefted the bag into the house, following the clicking of Bubby’s cane upstairs.
* * * * *
God, why this summer? Why, of all summers, this one? Gordon would complicate things, but Bubby couldn’t exactly tell the Freemans that. There would be questions. Questions he couldn’t answer. After three years of trying, he wasn’t any closer to fixing it. This thought weighed heavy on his mind as he combed through the second journal for what felt like the thousandth time.
“Fucking hell, Harold, could you take less helpful notes?” he muttered to no one. He held a UV light above the pages, but the hidden notes weren’t any more useful. Frustrated now, he threw the book across the room, where it crashed into a stack of cds. Heavy metal. He crossed his arms and slumped down in his chair.
Gordon was asleep. He couldn’t hear Bubby begin to pace around the room, cursing to himself. Thinking out loud as profanely as he could.
“You could’ve just put the schematics into one fucking book, but no! You had to be special . Three journals, why the fuck not? Make it a million times fucking harder for anyone who wants to use your shit research!” He sat back down in the overstuffed chair, huffing. His voice softened as he looked over at a framed photo on his nightstand.
“What am I supposed to do, Harold?”
But the room was silent. Bubby stood up to retrieve the journal from where it had landed, nestled in a pile of cds. It had opened to a page that he’d never given much thought to before, but now it gave him cause to pause.
The page was titled “Creature #326,” and it was covered in strange drawings. Not unlike the rest of the book. It wasn’t what was there, but what was missing, that stood out to him. There was no name. Hardly any information. Just a few frantic scribbles and equations to accompany the strange glyphs. The second page of the spread was titled “Summoning,” and it was far more detailed. He sat down on the floor, cross legged, to read it more closely. It all seemed simple enough. What could go wrong?
It took him three days to get everything ready. In the middle of the night, by the light of the moon, he walked to a clearing in the forest. He grabbed a large stick and started drawing the glyphs on the ground, ripping up the dirt. Next, candles. Then the framed photo. He held the book in front of him, glancing down at the photo briefly.
“...well, Harold. Here goes nothing. Triangulum, entangulum. Meteforis dominus ventium. Meteforis venetisarium!” His eyes began to glow blue behind his glasses, and his mind swirled as something took control of his vocal cords. “Asetnoheptus Asetnoheptus Asetnoheptus Asetnoheptus Asetnoheptus.” His voice came out in a strangled whisper, and the world slowed to a stop. The birds in the sky, the leaves drifting from the trees, everything was frozen in time. The forest went gray, all color draining out.
He collapsed to his knees, shaking hands on top of his cane. Out of breath. He knew there was now a being in the forest before him, but he couldn’t bring himself to look up.
“Yo. It’s uh… Ben Cipher.”
Bubby looked up. Before him floated the entity that was drawn in the journals. Round and 2D, with one huge glowing eye. A beanie floated above their head, and their arms and legs hung down, still a few feet above the ground.
“Uh… hello,” he said, straightening up.
“Sooo, you were the one who summoned me.” Lip smack. “Whatcha want?”
He took a moment to collect himself. “Shit… I’ve only found two of these,” he said, holding the journal up in front of him. “I need the third one to do what I need to do. I’ve been trying for three fucking years, but I can’t find the goddamn thing.”
“That it? Pog.” They held out a hand, glowing teal bubbles starting to sprout from it.
Bubby held out his hand to shake, but paused.
“What do I owe you.”
“Ah, smart guy. Lil’ uh, lil’ smarty pants over here,” they said, retracting their hand. “I dunno man, uh.” Lip smack. “Maybe you’ll just owe me a favor. For later or somethin’. Cause uh, I got nothing right now.”
“...Deal.” He shook their hand, the teal bubbles swirling around him. And then they were gone. The world was returned to color, the Earth began to spin once more, and in his hands he held a book.
The third journal.
* * * * *
Gordon sat in bed, wide awake. He could hear Bubby walking around downstairs, like he had every night beforehand. It was just concerning at first, but now it was suspicious. Very suspicious. He threw the blanket off, his feet thudding quietly on the floor as he stood up. The stairs creaked as he walked down them, freezing as he heard the squeal of hinges. He huddled down behind the railing, watching.
The vending machine slid open, and Bubby creeped out from behind it. He closed it quietly, punching in a code to lock it.
“What…?” Gordon whispered to himself. He darted back up the stairs before Bubby could spot him, ducking under the covers.
He made his way to Tommy’s house first thing in the morning. Bubby didn’t give him more than a passing glance as he ran out the door, too tired to care. The Coolattas’ house was in the middle of the town, near the statue of the town founder. It was modest enough, if well kept up, and had a high fence to hide it from the street. Gordon unlatched the gate and was attacked by a blur of pink and brown which knocked the wind out of him. He blinked, dazed, and looked up at the thing which had knocked him down. The pig that had bodyslammed him sat down on his chest, looking down at him.
“M-Mr. Freeman!” Tommy ran up to him, holding a leash. “I-- I’m so sorry, she’s just excited to see you.”
Gordon sat up, groaning. The pig jumped off of him and ran into Tommy’s arms.
“It’s cool, Tommy,” he said. “Hey, Sunkist.”
Oink.
Tommy held out a hand and helped him up with a sheepish smile. “What are you doing here so early? I-- I just got back from her morning walk.”
Gordon’s face went stony. “There’s… something I need your help with. Something serious. But I can’t talk here, it’s too private.”
“Oh… okay. I-- I just need to tell my dad where I’ll be. Be right back!” He ran up the stairs and into the house, Sunkist trotting in behind him. After a few minutes, he walked back out, tailed by a tall man in a crisp suit. His face was peculiarly shadowed, and his eyes glinted blue under his half-lidded gaze. Gordon gave a sheepish wave.
“Hello, Mayor Coolatta.”
The man gestured for Gordon to walk closer. “Mr. Freeman,” he began. “Is, my son. In danger? Are you putting him, in danger? My son, if he is in danger, the consequences for you will be, unpleasant.”
“No, sir, I would never.”
The mayor’s gaze darkened. “Are, you. In danger?”
Gordon stared at his feet. “That I’m not sure of.”
“Well. Just, remember, you have. My support. If you, need it.”
“Thank you, sir.”
Tommy left his father’s side and walked over to the gate, opening it. Gordon followed, closing the gate behind them.
The two were quiet on the walk back to the woods, Tommy glancing sideways at Gordon nervously. When they walked into the forest, he finally broke the silence.
“So, w-what is it? What’s going on?”
Taking a deep breath, he went on to describe what he saw the previous night. Tommy listened, nodding. He was clearly thinking hard about what Gordon said.
“I’m just… what does he have to hide? And what is he working on every night? He’s been acting strangely recently.” He sighed, looking up at Tommy. “I dunno. I just feel like he’s hiding something bad.”
“I-- I see.”
As the approached the Mystery Shack, they slowed. The shop was empty of customers, as usual, and Darnold looked up from the counter as they walked inside. Bubby was nowhere to be seen.
“Hi Darnold!” Tommy beamed.
“Oh, hey Tommy. Gordon. What do you guys need?”
“Is Bubby around?” Gordon asked, avoiding the question.
“I don’t think so. I haven’t seen him in a few hours. Why? Did you need him for something?”
“The opposite, really. There’s… something he’s been hiding.”
Darnold raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”
“It’d be easier to show you…”
Gordon slowly approached the vending machine, Tommy and Darnold trailing behind. After thinking for a moment, he remembered the code he’d seen Bubby use the previous night, and punched it in.
The machine popped out of the wall and slid open with a hiss. Behind it was a set of dim stairs. The three exchanged a worried glance, and Darnold grabbed a flashlight from the counter, handing it to Gordon. He flicked it on.
“Well… here goes nothing.”
“Be careful, M-Mr. Freeman.”
His feet thudded duly on the concrete steps, and the light shook in his hand. The steps dead-ended into a small room, covered in metal panels. There was a control panel, hidden by two huge metal shields, covered in scribbled notes. The three couldn’t stop to focus on the room, however, because what was beyond the door was far more important. A door on one wall opened into a larger room, light beaming out from it.
“Do we go check it out?” Gordon whispered.
“No other choice, I guess,” Darnold replied, shrugged.
Gordon flicked the light off, creeping towards the open door. The other two trailed behind, huddled down. Peeking around the doorframe, he choked back a gasp.
Bubby stood, hands outstretched, in front of a great glowing portal. It threw rainbow light around the huge cavern, and it’s humming was so loud that it rattled Gordon to his bones. The flashlight slipped out of his hand as he ran forwards into the room. Tommy and Darnold followed but he couldn’t hear them.
“Bubby! What the hell is going on?” Gordon shouted over the sound of the machine.
He turned to face the three of them, his eyebrows shooting up in alarm.
“Gordon! Tommy, Darnold! What the fuck are you doing here? How the shit did you even get in here?”
“D-Dr. Bubby! What is that thing?”
“You have to bail! It’s way too fucking dangerous down here!”
Gordon set his jaw. “Not until you tell us what’s going on!”
“Goddamnit, Gordon, we don’t have time! You need to go before it--”
The room shook as the machine sent out a shock wave, throwing all of them backwards. Gordon’s head slammed into the wall, his vision going black at the edges as the scene before him faded in and out of focus. His eyes snapped wide open as the gravity in the room changed. His stomach rose into his throat as he floated above the ground. Everything came down just as quickly, and a shadowy figure stepped out from the portal.
“What…? Who is that?” Gordon said, blinking and trying to clear the spots from his vision.
“The author of the journals…” Bubby replied under his breath. “My best friend.”
The man pulled the heavy scarf away from his face, placing his goggles on the top of his head. His sparse hair was stark white, and his moustache wasn’t enough to hide his stony expression. Bubby struggled to his feet, walking towards the man as if in a trance. His glasses hid the tears starting to form.
“Harold… is it really you? After all these years?”
“Hello, Professor Bubby!” the man chirped, before punching Bubby squarely in the face. The punch threw his head back and sent him falling to his knees.
“Ah, what the fuck? Holy shit, Harold! You’re welcome , by the way!”
“Reopening the portal was very dangerous, professor. You shouldn’t have done it.”
“Doctor.” Bubby grumbled as he stood up, wiping the blood from his nose. “What was I supposed to do? Just fucking leave you in there?”
“Yes.”
Bubby opened his mouth to rebut, but Gordon cleared his throat, interrupting the heated reunion.
“Uh… hello. Would someone care to tell me what’s happening?”
“A-Are you okay, Dr. Bubby?” Tommy walked over to him, fussing over his quickly bruising face.
“M’fine.”
The man approached Gordon slowly, looking him over with bright green eyes. After a beat, he smiled and held out a hand.
“Hello! My name is Doctor Coomer!”
“Gordon Freeman,” he said, shaking his hand.
“Hello Gordon!” He turned back to Bubby, who was glaring daggers at him. “Now then. What are we going to do about all this?”
* * * * *
Coomer placed the rift down on the shabby kitchen table with a thunk.
“Good work, Gordon!” he chirped. “With this, we can keep Ben out of our physical world. Now, let’s go find Bubby and Tommy to see if they’ve been able to gather any unicorn hair.”
“You go ahead, I need to sit down…” Gordon replied, slumping into one of the kitchen chairs. Examining his scrapes and scratches, he sighed. They’d gotten the rift and gotten out alive, but barely. Coomer’d nearly gotten kidnapped and taken to an alien prison, and Gordon still hadn’t had the time to process everything that happened. He leaned forwards, head in his hands. Headache. Damn.
A cautious touch on his shoulder.
“M-Mr. Freeman?”
He jumped a bit, looking up. “Ah, hey Tommy,” he said.
“Are you okay? You two look pretty bad, what happened? I-- I was worried.”
“Listen, we- I don’t wanna talk about it, man. We got the thing, and we didn’t die, so…”
Tommy clearly wanted to press him, but he didn’t. His face lit up as he changed the subject. “I-- I got the unicorn hair! Forzen helped. They were a li-little aggressive with the unicorns, but… it did work.”
“That’s good.”
Dr. Coomer walked back into the kitchen, Bubby in tow.
“Hello Gordon! Hello Tommy.” He walked over to the rift and picked it up, examining it. “Ah, I see you were able to get the rift. Good job.”
Gordon just smiled. He’d gotten used to Coomer’s forgetful nature, and it was charming at times. Really, it was no harm.
“Everything work out well with the unicorn hair?” Gordon asked.
“Quite well. We will now be safe from Ben’s antics,” Coomer replied.
Bubby grumbled under his breath, something about “bedazzling my fucking house,” and “goddamned coked up rainbows.”
When Gordon looked back at the rift on the table, he couldn’t help but feel an inescapable sense of dread.
Every day since, the feeling had compounded. Three days after their spaceship exploration, Gordon couldn’t go five minutes without looking over his shoulder. He couldn’t sleep well anymore, not managing to stay under for more than a few hours. The rift remained in his bag, which he kept on him at all times. Every few minutes, he looked inside his bag to check if it was still intact. He was doing so during lunch when Tommy finally noticed.
“Mr. Freeman.”
“Huh?” Gordon closed his bag, looking up at him.
“Are you doing okay? I-- I’m worried. You don’t look so good.” Tommy put his soda can down.
“What? I’m fine, why wouldn’t I be?” he asked, forcing a smile.
“Mr. Freeman… y-you look like you haven’t slept in days.”
Gordon sighed. “Actually… that’s not too far off.” He hesitated before speaking again, “It’s this damn rift. I know that I can keep it safe, but I feel like I have to look over my shoulder every minute. I’m losing sleep over this thing.”
Tommy drummed his fingers on the table, thinking. “Well, I-- I can take care of it if you need me to. Dad has a safe where he keeps all the town’s important documents,” he said after a beat.
“I dunno…” Gordon took the rift out and stared at it. He tightened his grip unconsciously as Tommy reached for it. “I’d have to ask Dr. Coomer. He knows more about it than I do.”
“Come on, M-Mr. Freeman. Don’t you trust me?”
Gordon stared into Tommy’s eyes, and he felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. He thought he’d become used to the Coolattas’ otherworldly presence, but this felt different. It felt acidic and evil. As he considered the rift, his heart thudded in his ears.
But as he stared into Tommy’s open, friendly face, he just couldn’t say no.
“...of course I trust you.” His hand shook as he handed the rift over. As soon as he passed it to Tommy, the weight he’d been carrying lifted. He could breathe again.
“Don’t worry, Mr. Freeman,” Tommy said, pocketing the rift. “I-- I won’t let anything happen to it.”
Tommy left the Mystery Shack just as it was beginning to grow dark. He knew his dad would be worried if he wasn’t home before nightfall, and Sunkist needed her evening walk. As the trod along the forest path, he pulled the rift out of his pocket.
He sucked in a gasp as the forest went blurry. His blood pounded in his ears, and his head hurt like hell. The tiny voice in the back of his head, which had led him to ask Gordon for it, was back. It was louder now. He couldn’t hear anything, he couldn’t even hear himself think. Slowly, he raised his arm.
“No…” the word came out in a strangeled whisper. He tried to pull his arm back down, but his body was frozen. It was out of his control.
Something was in his head. The same voice, telling him to smash the rift to bits.
His arm came down.
The rift hit the ground.
The glass shattered.
Tommy screamed as his eyes glowed yellow, and his head felt like it was going to explode. A laugh, a horrible, horrible laugh, filled his ears. It was the last thing he heard before collapsing to the ground.
Gordon, Bubby, and Dr. Coomer were eating dinner when they heard the shattering from inside, followed by the far louder sound of Tommy’s body hitting the ground.
“What the fuck was that?” Bubby said, walking over to the door.
Gordon followed, pushing past him and rushing out when he saw the scene outside. “Tommy!”
“Oh dear.” Dr. Coomer quickly followed, Bubby tailing him.
“Tommy, what happened? Are you okay?” Gordon asked, kneeling beside him.
“I-- I’m sorry, Mr. Freeman…” he managed, opening one eye.
“Sorry- what do you mean you’re sorry?”
Tommy pointed, with a shaky hand, towards the pile of broken glass on the ground before them. The glowing mass of the rift was already gone.
“...oh my god,” Gordon mumbled.
“Gordon. I’m scared,” Coomer said.
The sky rumbled, splitting open with a thunderous crack. An ear-splitting laugh filled the woods around them and a shadow fell over the group.
Ben Cipher appeared. Their body glowed as they slowly gained dimension. 2, 2.1, 2.2, 2.3, 2.4, 2.5, 2.6, 2.7, 2.8, 2.9, 3. Their eyelids grinned, sprouting horrible, curved yellow teeth.
“WELCOME TO WEIRDMAGEDDON!”
* * * * *
It had been two days of hell. Most of the townsfolk had been turned to stone, and the rest of them wandered the streets, their faces turned inside out. The only pocket of resistance was housed at the Mystery Shack, still protected from Ben by the unicorn’s magic. It was the middle of the night, but none of the refugees could sleep due to the heated argument taking place upstairs. Gordon and Bubby were at each other’s throats.
“You spent all this time trying to get him back, and now you’re just going to leave him at Ben’s mercy?” Gordon spat.
“Fucking shit, Freeman! I’ve already risked my goddamn life for him once , and how does he repay me? He punches me in the fucking face! I’m not risking my neck again.”
“He’s the only one here who knows how to kill Ben!”
“So? If we just fucking walk in there, Ben will kill us first!”
“Do you have any better ideas?”
“Yes, actually! We grab our shit, fucking huddle down, and wait this shit out.”
Gordon threw his hands up, storming downstairs. He hesitated on the bottom step when he saw the rest of the group staring at him, cryptids and humans alike. Tommy looked up at him with concern in his eyes.
“Ah…” Gordon sighed. “You guys heard all that.”
Tommy nodded. “I-- I agree with you, Mr. Freeman. I think we should go save him… but how can we do it? W-We can’t leave the shack.”
Gordon sat down next to him, thinking.
The shack is surrounded by a force field. We need the force field to survive. Ben is miles away in the center of town. They’re keeping Coomer there. Maybe we could lure them out? Draw them away from the prison? But then we still have to get in to the prison, and who knows what it’s guarded by. Besides, if Ben found out what we were up to, we’d be unprotected. We need the force field. His eyes widened. A realization hit him like a bolt of lightning.
“Why don’t we just take the shack to him?” He turned to Tommy, beaming.
“W-What?”
“Think about it! Bubby was able to rebuild that portal himself, you’re a robotics major, and we have a scrap yard nearby to boot!”
Tommy nodded, starting to think through it. “I-- I think you might be on to something, Mr. Freeman!” he said.
“Get some sleep, Tommy. We have work to get done tomorrow.”
The next morning, Bubby was pulled from sleep by the sounds of hammering and welding. He bolted out of his room, shoving his glasses on.
“What the fuck is going on out here?” he barked.
Tommy turned to him, lifting the welding mask from his face and smiling. “Good morning, Dr. Bubby! D-Did we wake you up?”
Bubby looked around, eyes widening. The rest of the group was pulling off walls, drilling into the floor, and breaking windows.
“What the in the goddamn shit are you doing to my house? Gordon!”
Gordon walked downstairs, covered in oil and sweat.
“Ah, you’re awake. Good, we need an extra hand upstairs.”
“What in the fuck is going on,” Bubby snarled.
“If you won’t leave the shack to go save your best friend, we’re going to bring the shack to him. If you don’t like it, you’re free to go.”
“You-” Bubby sputtered, looking for an argument to stand on. When none was found, he growled in frustration and stormed back into his room, slamming the door. Gordon sighed.
Hopefully he’ll come around , he thought, as he walked back upstairs.
Bubby sat down on his bed, grumbling. The nerve of that kid. Who did he think he was? He stood up, starting to pace. How the hell would he get him to see reason? The plan was insane, a suicide mission! And for what? A man who’d never even thanked him for saving his life? No way. Not in another thirty years.
His frantic pacing stopped as he noticed something out of the corner of his eye. It was a framed photo, one he’d passed hundreds of times before. Dusty and tucked away on a top shelf. He grabbed it, dusting it off with a shirt sleeve.
Graduation day. Bubby stood with his arm slung around Coomer. The two of them were sleep deprived and half-delirious, as they’d spent the entire night talking in their dorm room. God, they were just kids. Bubby held his diploma above his head, beaming, while Coomer prepared to throw his cap.
Bubby’s expression softened as he examined the photo. “Damnit, Harold…” he sighed. “What happened to us?”
He placed the picture back on the shelf with a dull thunk.
“Fuck it.” He straightened his collar. “I’ve had a long ass life already. Might as well go out with a bang.”
Swinging the door open, he found Gordon standing outside of his room.
“What can I do to help.”
Gordon smiled.
It took them four days to get everything ready. The stronger cryptids helped with the hard labor, while the townsfolk hammered and welded. Bubby was revising the plans late into the night, with Tommy by his side. The day of, Bubby opened his bedroom door to see Gordon the front door open. Gordon sat outside on the porch, staring up at the swirling sky. Bubby walked out and sat down next to him on the stairs.
“You’re up fucking early.”
“Could say the same of you,” Gordon replied.
“Touché.”
The silence was almost peaceful. Bubby seemed uncomfortable with it, and broke it.
“Are you ready for this, Freeman?”
“...I’m not sure. But we don’t really have any other choice,” Gordon said, shrugging.
“Fair enough. Besides,” Bubby stood up, “it’s a goddamn beautiful day to die.”
Gordon smirked, getting off the front steps.
It took them another hour to rouse the rest of the group. Tommy was already up, sunny and ready to go. The cryptids and the townsfolk woke up with varying levels of cheer. Breakfast was quiet and solemn. When they were all done, Gordon stood.
“All of you have helped more than we could’ve asked for. And I know that going up against Ben is… frankly, it’s terrifying. I would never ask any of you to risk your lives for this. If you want to jump ship… now’s the time.”
No one stood. The room was silent.
“Well then. Looks like we’ve got a full house. Let’s get going.”
The shack creaked as it began to power up, and anyone not manning the controls held on for dear life. Knick knacks slid around the floor as the house stood, wobbling back and forth. They were clearly struggling to balance on their makeshift legs. Everyone in the control room began to yell back and forth, barking commands until the shack was stable. After taking a moment to breathe, they advanced.
Ben had set up shop right in the middle of the town. A huge, spherical temple floated above the statue of the town founder, surrounded by eyebats. The streets were deserted, except for the occasional frozen townperson or feral beast. The shack froze when they heard it.
“Yo.”
“Fuck,” Gordon whispered, “it’s Ben.”
“What uhhhh,” lip smack, “whatcha doin here?”
Silence.
Gordon motioned for the others to take the controls, grabbing Bubby’s arm. “The others can distract them. We need to get in while we have the chance.”
Bubby nodded, gesturing for Tommy and a few others to follow.
“Heyyyyy. Anyone in there? Knock knock?” Ben leaned in to look through the window. The shack lashed out, grabbing their eye. They screamed, stumbling back as their eye snapped shut.
“What the fuck? Dude, not cool! I can’t fucking see now!” They fumbled around, throwing blind punches at the shack. The rescue team snuck out the back, staying as quiet as possible. They landed inside the temple with minimal damage, though a few of them had rough landings. Gordon dusted himself off, body going cold as he stared up at the throne in the center of the room. Each townsperson that made it up was frozen in a state of agony. It was a horrifying sight to behold.
“Dear god…”
“Holy shit.” Bubby walked towards it, in a trance. He examined it, looking up at the seat. It was then that he noticed the golden statue standing on the chair’s arm.
“Up there!” he said, pointing. “It’s Harold.”
“Right,” Gordon said, “now we just have to figure out how to- wait, Harold?”
“...Dr. Coomer. It’s Dr. Coomer.” His face flushed. “Look, I- let’s just figure out how to unfreeze all these fuckers!”
“Mhm.”
Tommy approached the throne, his eyes going glassy as he recognized a statue at the base of the chair.
“Dad! Oh no, I-- I’ll figure out how to get you out!” Sure enough, Mayor Coolatta stood at the very bottom left corner of the throne. Tommy grabbed his hand and began to tug. His eyes glowed yellow as he put more strength into it. The room buzzed with electricity as the two otherworldly energies fought each other.
Something gave.
Mayor Coolatta’s eyes snapped open and he gasped, stumbling forwards and nearly collapsing. He blinked, shaking his head loose of the fog.
“Tommy?”
“Dad!”
The two embraced, but Gordon’s shaking voice broke the relieved silence.
“I hate to break up the tender moment,” he said, “but I think we might have a problem!”
The throne shook as it began to collapse, townsfolk unfreezing and coming to as they fell to the temple floor. Eventually, there was a pile of confused and panicking people in the center of the room. Dr. Coomer was the first to stand, looking around. Bubby pushed forwards, past the rest of the group.
“Harold!”
“Bubby?”
Staring into his face, Bubby felt all the anger and frustration melt away. He didn’t care about the portal, or the journals, or even the demon outside. He was just happy to see Coomer safe.
Gordon looked outside, and saw the shack still going head to head with Ben. But they were losing ground, and losing ground quickly. The world was running out of time.
“Everyone!” he said, waving his arms to get the room’s attention. “Listen! My name is Gordon Freeman, and I’m going to get you all out. We have Ben distracted, but we don’t know how long we can hold them. You need to get out of here. Use the entrance on the other side and scatter as soon as you get out. Let’s move!” He began herding the dazed townsfolk towards the door, looking over his shoulder anxiously. The battle outside was still raging. One by one, the townsfolk jumped from the temple and landed on the street just inside the town square. Families stuck together and took off into the woods, not even taking a moment to look back. When they were all safe, Gordon turned back to the nearly empty temple room. He walked up to Coomer, cutting Bubby off.
“Dr. Coomer. How do we beat that thing?”
“Ah, hello Gordon! Let me think.” Coomer pulled out one of the journals from his coat, flipping through it. “Here it is! The zodiac. These symbols are present all throughout history, in this order precisely. Prophecies of weirdmageddon are always accompanied by this image. It’s a shot in the dark, but it’s all we’ve got.”
“Great…” Gordon sighed. “How does it work?”
“We need something to make marks with.”
Bubby hesitated, before pulling a can of spray paint from his coat. He shrunk down as everyone turned to stare at him.
“...grafitti is fucking fun, alright? And besides, most of the town has been burned to shit. I never get to do any goddamn grafitti!”
“Alright, we don’t have time to unpack all of that,” Gordon said, “so let’s just throw out the whole suitcase. Can you work with this, Dr. Coomer?”
“Of course I can, Gordon! I was quite the “rebel” when I was younger. I’ve done a graffiti or two.” He took the spray can from Bubby’s hand and began to paint on the floor. A huge ring, segmented into parts, with a symbol in each. Ben Cipher adorned the center.
“Now we just need to stand in our appropriate places and hold hands.”
Gordon side-eyed Mayor Coolatta, but he could handle a few seconds of hand-holding if the fate of the world was in jeopardy. With each person in the circle, the symbols glowed a brighter and brighter blue. Until there was only one missing.
Bubby.
He stood outside the circle, arms crossed.
“Bubby, come on! Just step into the circle,” Gordon said, exasperated.
“Please, D-Dr. Bubby!” Tommy pleaded.
“What are you waiting for, Dr. Bubby?” Coomer questioned.
Bubby glared at him. All that anger had slowly been creeping back into him, and it poisoned him from his feet to his throat.
“I’m waiting for you to say thank you. For once. I spent thirty years of my fucking life, thirty fucking years , pulling you back from the void. And you still haven’t given me one shitty little ‘thank you’!” He spat the words.
“Goddamnit, Bubby, now is not the time for--”
Coomer held up a hand to cut Gordon off. He turned to face Bubby, letting go of Gordon’s hand.
“Doctor… I know you think that it’s your own fault I ended up in that portal. But it’s not. The only thing you’re responsible for is getting me back. I don’t know how much longer I could’ve kept my head in there. So thank you. And I’m sorry.”
The two stared at each other. The silence stretched out, a second making up for years of lost time. Finally, Bubby moved. He stepped into the circle.
“...I forgive you.”
He grabbed Coomer’s hand and a shock wave exploded out from the circle. It nearly knocked them back.
Outside, Ben raised a rock to bring down on the shack. The shack was powerless. They’d already lost their legs, and they were running on half power. There was nowhere to run.
“Lil’ stupid boy forgot to protect his feet, huh? Wanted-- wanted me to touch his feet. Well, look who’s laughing now.” Ben cackled as they held the rock aloft.
The shock wave of the zodiac hit them like a tsunami. They dropped the rock, staggering back. Their eye went wide as they stared down at their shaking hands.
“No… no, no, no!” Ben’s voice shook as their form began to fade in and out. Bricks shifted and they collapsed to the ground in a mess of missing textures. “You can’t! The zodiac is a myth!” Their body began to fizzle out. “ Eid ot desoppus ton m'I! Eb ot desoppus saw ti woh t'nsi siht! Em ot gnineppah si tahw? ”
Ben screamed as their body imploded. The shock wave it sent out erased all the damage they did, and the temple began to crumble.
“Everybody out!” Gordon shouted over the din. They all broke for the door as the walls crashed in around them. As he dove outside, Gordon slammed his head into the street below. The world went dark at the edges, and even though he fought it, his eyes closed.
He didn’t know how long he was out.
When he was finally able to open his eyes again, he found himself inside the Mystery Shack. The events of the past week felt like a horrible dream, one that refused to slip away. He groaned as he sat up, his head throbbing.
“Ow…”
Someone walked in to the room. A familiar face, creased with worry.
“I-- I was wondering when you’d wake up. You took a pretty hard hit to the head, M-Mr. Freeman. How are you feeling?” Tommy asked.
Gordon reached up and touched the bump on his head, wincing.
“Not great,” he replied. “How long have I been out?”
“Th-Thirty-six hours…”
“What? I have to check on the others! I didn’t see them all get out safe!” He began to push himself off the couch, but stopped just as quickly. Pain and dizziness radiated through him. He groaned.
Tommy sat down on the couch next to him, placing a concerned hand on his arm. “Y-You need rest, Mr. Freeman! Everyone else is okay… Bubby and Coomer are out cataloguing the weirdness levels of the town. D-Darnold and Forzen are making care packages for the townsfolk out of the shack gift shop, and-- and my dad is back at our house. Everyone is safe.”
Gordon hesitated before asking his next question. He wasn’t sure he wanted the answer. “Is Ben… gone? Did we win?”
Tommy smiled. “Yes, Mr. Freeman. W-We won.”
* * * * *
His parents had called the shack dozens of times, but no one wanted to pick up the phone. What were they meant to tell them? The local news was reporting on the strange phenomenon out of Gravity Falls, but none of the reporters knew the real truth. It only took a day for the government to come in and start hiding the events. Nothing to see here, move along.
Gordon was eventually elected to answer the phone. He dialed the familiar numbers and held the receiver to his ear.
The phone barely got through one ring before someone picked up.
“Gordon! Finally, we’ve been calling for hours! What happened?” a voice on the other end asked.
“Hey, mom…” Gordon looked at the rest of the group, as well as the CIA agent who was listening in to the call. All of their stares said the same thing: don’t tell her anything .
He continued. “I’m okay… we’re not really sure what happened, though. They told us that it was an earthquake. Something about a new fault breaking open under Oregon…”
“Well, never mind all that. We want you to come home. Your father and I are worried, and it’s nearly time for school to start anyway. Bubby will buy your bus ticket.”
“But mom--”
“No buts. This isn’t a discussion. You’re getting on a bus home tomorrow, and that’s final.” The phone line disconnected with a click.
Gordon put the phone back in it’s cradle with a sigh. He turned to the others.
“I… have to leave. Tomorrow,” he said.
The CIA agent registered the tone of the room and quickly made herself scarce.
“A-Are you sure, Mr. Freeman?” Tommy asked.
“Yeah… school’s starting up again soon.”
“W-Well, what do we do now?”
Bubby threw his arms around the two of them. “We throw a crazy fucking going-away party, that’s what we do! With heavy metal and fucking arson!”
“While I do enjoy a good arson, doctor, perhaps we should refrain from committing crimes while the CIA is in town,” Coomer said.
“Fine…” Bubby grumbled.
That night, Bubby managed to dig up some old fireworks. Gordon speculated on the risks of setting them off in the woods, but the man was on a mission. Despite the grandiose plans, the going-away party was quiet and small. Gordon sat next to Coomer on the porch as they went through a photo album from his and Bubby’s college days. Darnold and Tommy talked animatedly, while Forzen sat quietly on the steps. Bubby was busy setting off fireworks in the front yard. The forest was quiet, save for the occasional small explosions.
Gordon yawned. “It’s getting late…” he remarked.
Tommy looked at his watch. “Mhm. I-- I should probably get home. My dad will worry.”
“Will I see you tomorrow at the bus stop?” Gordon asked.
“Probably not.”
“Ah…” Gordon stood up. “I guess I should say my goodbyes now, then.”
“Guess so.”
Gordon opened his mouth to speak, but no words came. What was he meant to say? After all they’d been through together? His eyes widened in surprise as Tommy pulled him into a hug. His eyes started to well up, but he swallowed the tears down.
“I-- I’m going to miss you, Mr. Freeman.”
“Me too, Tommy… me too.”
After another moment, Tommy broke out of the embrace with a crooked smile.
“Come back soon, o-okay? I-- I promise it’s not always like that here…” Tommy said.
Gordon chuckled. “Okay, Tommy. I will.”
After one last glance over his shoulder, Tommy disappeared down the forest path.
Darnold and Forzen left soon after, both sharing their own goodbyes with Gordon. Short, but genuine. And then there were three, sitting on the porch.
Coomer rested a hand on Gordon’s shoulder.
“You should get some sleep, Gordon. Another day, another adventure! You want to be well rested for tomorrow.”
“Yeah, Dr. Coomer. I’ll do that.”
Gordon watched as Coomer walked inside the shack.
“...will he be okay?”
“Don’t worry,” Bubby replied, “the man’s still fucking sharp as a tack. Besides, I won’t let him get in trouble.”
Gordon shot him a look.
“...goddamnit, fine. I won’t let him get in too much trouble.”
“That’s the Bubby I know.”
Bubby laughed, walking in to the shack. Gordon followed, walking upstairs to his bedroom. He fell asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow. But he couldn’t stop the images of Ben following him into his dreams.
Perhaps they would never leave him.
The next morning, he woke up early enough to watch the sun rise. After breakfast, Bubby handed him a bus ticket.
“Are you guys coming with me?” Gordon asked.
“What? Can’t walk to the fucking bus stop on your own?” Bubby said.
“Of course we’ll come with, Gordon!” Coomer replied.
His luggage wasn’t any lighter the second time around, but Coomer helped. He was surprisingly strong for a sixty-something man. As they reached the stop, Gordon noticed the bus turning the corner into town.
“Oh, wow. It’s right there. I guess… this is goodbye,” Gordon said, turning to them.
“Don’t get all fucking sappy on me, Freeman. We’re not going anywhere,” Bubby said, smiling. “You better come back. Don’t forget about us.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it.”
Bubby bristeled as Gordon hugged him, but accepted it anyways. Then, Gordon turned to Coomer.
“I… really wish we’d met at a better time, Dr. Coomer. But it was still nice.”
“It was pretty cool, Gordon,” Coomer said.
Gordon only lasted a few seconds in a hug with him, nearly having the wind crushed out of him. What was this man made of?
The bus pulled up, and the doors opened with a squeal. Gordon pulled his bags on, turning to look back at the two one last time. As the doors shut again, he caught the very last thing that Coomer said to him.
“Goodbye, Gordon.”