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If you would have told Mammon - second eldest of the demon brothers, Avatar of Greed, and an overall extremely powerful eldritch force, among other things - a year ago that he would be reduced to a pouting, petulant, jealous little mess over his favorite human giving his brothers the slightest bit of affection, he would think you were absolutely mad, would laugh in your face even, denying that such a reality could ever occur in any possible timeline, shooing the very thought away.
But there he was, sitting all by his sulky lonesome at his seat by the dinner table, watching broodingly as you flitted about, working with Levi to carefully set each dish onto its respective surface, and certainly not missing how Levi sputtered and flushed a deep shade of scarlet whenever your fingers brushed his as the two of you worked, or how you had the absolute audacity to give him a hug as a thanks for his help, going so far as to rub his head playfully after too!
Mammon scowled at the sight, cursing himself for acting more like the Avatar of Envy than the actual Avatar of Envy, who was currently the tomato faced demon on the receiving end of your affectionate head pats.
And it wasn’t just Levi who was soaking up your attention like some kind of lovestruck sponge, Mammon glowered, but all of his brothers had the insolence to simply hog it for their own! His pout only deepened when he realized that he felt as though you were handing out this affection towards everyone, finding himself wanting that special softness for himself only. Was that so bad? Perhaps the equal dispersal of your affectionate behavior towards himself and the rest of his brothers meant that you really didn't feel the same way he did?
At such bitter realization, he calls upon his brain to gather up his frantic and scattered thoughts in order to create a mental check-list, listing down the instances where you were so casually affectionate towards the others as his brain’s cruel ammunition for convincing himself that he really wasn’t all that special to you, due to the fact that your affection and kindness was equally distributed among all those you know, and never specifically for him… right?
For example, his brain supplied morosely,
- You rushed to brew Lucifer’s favorite Melancholy Coffee for him when you found out from Barbatos that he was overworking himself again, going so far as to bring him chocolates and offer him a hug to calm him and lift his spirits. Seriously?! Does that pride-faced demon even deserve your affection like that?!
- During the most recent movie night, you let Belphie use your lap as his own personal pillow, since he’d forgone bringing his own, running your fingers through his hair as he nuzzled further into you. Were you even aware of the shit-eating grin plastered all over his face when he cockily stared Mammon down in self-satisfaction, huh?!
- You were always there to spot Beel whenever he needed it during his very shirtless workouts, after which the two of you would walk together to the House of Lamentation to prepare dinner for its occupants, much like you did today. The problem, however, is in the fact that you fed Beel non-stop during your cooking time together, seemingly unaware of the heart-eyes the giant of a man gives you when he literally eats out of the palms of your hands.
- Whenever Levi talks about the objects of his never-ending otaku obsessions, you always listen intrepidly and surprise him with whatever it was that he was raving over when he least expects it, leading to a very flustered and sputtering Avatar of Envy. He won’t shut up about the new limited edition holiday themed Ruri-chan figurine? You surprise him with it the next day (thank you Akuzon express shipping and delivery). He’s groaning about how he was too late to purchase the tickets to the band he’s so obsessed about? You sneakily slip them under his door, obtaining them through means that eludes even him. There was even that one time you even went as far as buying fish food for Henry and Lotan!
- Your interactions with the damn Avatar of Lust are always touchy too, with you becoming Asmo’s supply for endless hugs, always looping your arm through his whenever the two of you were on your weekly outings in Devildom’s fashion district. Your spa nights with him were the worst though, how many times has Mammon told you to not to let this flirty demon anywhere near you?! Just picture his horrified face when he walked in on the two of you putting face masks on each other and comparing moisturizer brands.
- During your study sessions with Satan, you always tended to lean in as close as possible whenever the two of you sat down to review concepts, sweetly tapping the rapidly blushing Avatar of Wrath’s arms whenever you had a question, answer, or combination of the two, even going out of your way to brew tea for him when you sense him getting tired.
Those various instances fill his mind to the brim, steeping within his brain and turning his thoughts biting, snippy, and most of all insecure. Was he not enough? Was there something that failed to make him as special as the others? Your affection extended to him too, it’s not like you excluded him over the others, but was it really so bad for him to want all of it for himself? Is it bad that he wants to wrap you up in his arms and never let go? To ache for your touches and want them to be for him alone? Would you find his greed for your love and affection silly?
As sulky as he was, however, his eyes softened when he snapped out of his brooding thoughts to look at you again, now laughing at something Asmo said to you.
It’s almost as if you can feel his gaze zeroed in on you, because at that moment, you lift your head up to meet his eyes, your face glowing as you give him a toothy grin and a sweet little wave.
At this, his trance breaks, and he feels immediate shame and guilt .
It wasn’t fair for him to get upset with you, he thinks to himself, after he returns your wave and forces himself to plaster on a confident, beaming smile in your direction, when he feels everything but confident in this present moment.
And it’s definitely not your fault his brothers were all lovestruck dummies vying for your attention, as he was guilty of it too, every single moment of every single day wherein he strives to carve a special little place that is his in your heart, the same way you carved your place in his.
He soaks up your affections like a lovesick puppy whenever you give it to him, always holding on a little while longer whenever you sweetly embraced him, nuzzling and curling up into your warmth whenever the two of you watched movies in your room together, never being able to hide the electricity that shoots through him whenever you lace your fingers with his as you walk to RAD, through the dusky streets of the Devildom, or simply because you wanted to be close to him. You always notice the drop of his moods on his off days, when he's lost in agonizing memories, in destructive thoughts, and you come to his aid like a light-bearing angel, holding him close to you, bringing him his favorite treats to cheer him up, cracking light-hearted jokes and giving him tight hugs in an effort to dispel whatever dark cloud may have loomed over him. Your touches make him feel safe, and he finds himself seeking your sunlight as if he was a simple sunflower and you were his sun, his reason for life and living.
The truth simply was, that out of everyone that came and went throughout his incredibly lengthy and painful existence, you were the only person who ever showed him true kindness and affection without expecting anything in return, you were the only one who gave your warmth and light to him with no ulterior motives, unlike the witches, unlike his own brothers, unlike anyone he’s ever met before.
And he’s jealous and petulant and scowling and real damn annoyed, ya frustratin’ human! because he just wants you to be his dammit! And he wants to be yours . And he wants that affection to be directed towards him only, he wants to be that special person and… is that so wrong for him to yearn for?
As his thoughts turn melancholy, his gaze on you begins to turn foggy, and he feels his eyes become glossy and suspiciously wet, leading to a bolt of panic washing over him because he absolutely cannot cry right now. Absolutely not! How embarrassing would it be if you saw your first man crying at the corner of the dinner table? How pathetic and scummy would he be if his stupid tears and stupid emotions ended up ruining a dinner that you worked so hard on?
In a flash, he decides that the best course of action would be to slip out of the dining room as quietly as he can, which poses a bit of a challenge because there is absolutely nothing quiet about Mammon, and he worries that he truly will end up causing a scene at the dinner table, but he tries as hard as he can to get out of the stifling room as quick as possible, finally letting thick droplets of tears fall as he makes his way up the stairs and to the solace of his room.
Nobody bats an eye as he leaves, and he isn't sure why, but that realization makes the tears drip down his ruddy cheeks twice as hard.
You could tell something was wrong.
Nothing major explicitly happened as far as Mammon was concerned - there was no fighting between the brothers, no insults being thrown, nothing of the sort to warrant any objective type of wrongness.
But there was something wrong .
You could just feel his turmoil and sadness, no matter how hard he tried to hide it with those confident grins and boisterous words, there was something under all of it that ached . Lately, he's felt empty. His eyes are so sad.
Your glance returned to him constantly, perhaps a subconscious way of making sure he was alright, that he was okay, that nothing was wrong .
But when you turned to look at him again, after a lengthy conversation with Levi about the newest Ruri-chan anime, Mammon's seat was empty.
A rush of panic bolts through you, and every single imaginable negative scenario intrudes your thoughts and makes your head spin.
You begin to wonder if you would have noticed him leave, if you would have noticed an outward show of upset or wrongness if you weren’t so preoccupied with the rest of the brothers.
And amidst all the rambling of your mind, of your heightened heartbeat and your racing thoughts, you freeze.
Was that the reason for his behavior?
Was that the reason for his tight-lipped smiles? For his pain-filled wet eyes? Was it because you’ve been neglecting him for the others?
But you’ve made sure to treat all of the brothers the same, equal in your affections, as you truly do care for all of them and cherish their friendship as well as the importance of the pacts you hold! Although, perhaps your insistence on this feat resulted in Mammon feeling less-than and inferior, something you absolutely cannot stand for.
With a huff of determination, you rise from your seat at the dinner table, quick to inform the brothers that you forgot that you had some RAD homework you needed to attend to, and hurriedly make your way to Mammon's room, praying that you didn't just ruin something that meant a whole lot to you, that you didn't ruin someone who meant a whole lot to you.
Your hands shook as you knocked on Mammon's door, heart lurching and stomach bursting with butterflies, swarming with a mixture of worry and fear.
You worry for his wellbeing, you fear the possibility that you may have hurt him, and you love him - have cared so incredibly much for him ever since you first met him all that time ago - but curse yourself for being unable to tell him, to finally come clean and overcome your shyness, the sheer terror that settles deep in your gut of him potentially not feeling the same way.
In response to your knocks, you hear a muffled, "Ah, comin'!" sound from inside the room, and immediately the door is opened to reveal a disheveled and sheepish looking Mammon, once again trying to hide behind the mask of boisterous confidence.
"Oi, human! Whaddaya doin' here, huh? Weren't ya just havin' dinner with the rest of my brothers? What brings ya to the Great Mammon?!"
His voice is ragged and choked, the false bravado he forces into it making you wince and your face pinch in worry, especially when you note the redness of his eyes and the puffiness of his face, all signs of crying.
You act on pure instinct, rushing forwards and wrapping him up into your arms, pushing the two of you further into his room as you hug him warmly, his brain struggling to recalibrate as a fierce blush warms his face, heartbeat quickening as he contemplates what to do with his hands, dammit!
You mold yourself to him as much as you can, relishing in the solidness of him, the rise and fall of his chest as he breathes, the thump thump of his heart, the warmth and softness of him. The fact that he's here, that he exists and is in your arms and is safe. And from that moment on, you promise to yourself that you will do anything to keep this sweet boy happy, to make sure he never cries again.
Mammon's brain finally catches up to him and he wills his hands to stop shaking as he brings them up to wrap around you in a tight embrace, nuzzling his face into the top of your head as he breathes in your scent, calming down and feeling substantially more at peace now that you're with him, now that he's touching you and feeling your softness, that you're here with him and he's here with you and for some reason that just makes him want to cry again, tears bubbling forth and spilling over his cheeks as he wills himself to stay silent, to mask the stuttering of his chest as he contains his sobs.
You rub his back softly, soothing motions that relax the tension in his body, caressing him gently wherever your hands hand reach, threading into his soft snowy hair, brushing down his trembling arms, and finally cupping his wobbling jaw as you pull away to face him.
At the sight of his tears, your heart aches.
The pads of your thumbs slowly come up to softly wipe the droplets away from his face as his eyes squeeze shut, face red and embarrassed at being caught in such an emotional state, cursing himself for being so pathetic.
"'M sorry ya have to see me like this, I know I must really look like a vision huh... fuck," he sniffles and turns his head away, wanting to hide.
Your hands caress his wobbling lips, breathless at the beauty of him, of the richness of his olive skin, of his crystal blue ocean eyes, his soft white head of hair.
You do, however, take note of his breathing that has started to turn quite rapid. Fearing that he was going to hyperventilate or worse, you take extra care to slowly walk him over to his bed, still embracing him, and lower the two of you down to the plush mattress, bathing the two of you in Devildom's moonlight as you sit under his window showcasing the starry night sky.
"Mammon," you coo out, "look at me."
His teary, crystalline gaze turns to you reluctantly, cheeks further flushing as he sees the raw sincerity in your eyes, the adoration in your gaze that makes his heart do somersaults, that makes his body warm.
"It's so important to let your emotions out in a healthy way, never be ashamed of doing so, okay? I promise you that I'm always going to be there for you if you ever need me. You are so important. You mean so much to me..." you trail off, cheeks warming as you realized you may have said a bit too much pertaining to how you felt about him. But... deep down you knew that if you didn't tell him how you felt now, you never would be able to. But before all of that, you have to find out the true reason behind his broody behavior, as it was truly painful to see him so sad, especially because he never deserved to ever feel that way.
"I have a feeling that I may be the reason behind your tears," you sheepishly whisper, as Mammon's heart lurches in his throat, "and I really just want to know, what's hurting you? What happened, and how can I try to make it better?" Your thumbs rub gentle circles into his wrists, leaning close to him.
Mammon gulps nervously, not knowing where to even start with what he wants to say to you.
He thinks about coming up with a random excuse for his recent behavior. Maybe he could say he was stressed with RAD or his jobs, maybe with the witches who were his own awful debt-collectors at this point. Maybe he could say he was chased all around the House grounds by Cerberus and still isn't over the terror?
But as he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, he realizes that such answers won't get him anywhere. No matter how much he'll try to lie to himself and to you, it won't ever change the feelings he has for you. And it certainly won't change the fact that he's in love with you. He opens his eyes to gaze at you, eyes sweetly roving over the features he adores so much, the person who means everything to him.
"Ah, dammit. Listen..." he begins, leaning in closer to you, taking your hands in his and lacing your fingers together, willing the fierce blush on his cheeks to die down as he does so. "I, ah, I," he chokes, taking a moment to collect himself before whispering out, "I'm in love with ya. And I have been since way back when we made that pact... ya can't forget that I'm your first man!" He tries to joke, voice coming out stuttering and nervous, "A-And I uh, I see how ya are with my brothers 'n I always felt as though ya didn't feel the same as I do. But I can't keep hidin' it anymore, y'know? I love ya, and ya really are the only person that has ever been kind to me without wantin' anythin' back from me, without usin' me, and my life has never really had any meanin' until you came into it. It's like the sun shines when you're near me."
He's shy, hand creeping up to rub the back of his neck in a nervous habit, ears turning the most adorable shade of pink as a furious blush covers his cheeks, his words and his tender actions making a gentle smile creep up your face.
You want to reply to him, you really do, but the sweetness and softness of him are making it all too difficult. You find yourself mesmerized by his warmth, his blushing cheeks, his sincerity and kindness, and you don't even notice yourself leaning closer closer closer, until your lips touch his soft ones, and the spell is broken.
He freezes, reeling from both the sensory overload and the realization of holy shit this is happening this is really happening?
Your touch grounds him, your fingers softly slipping into his hair, gliding and threading through the snowy locks, your knee pressing gently into his, and he relaxes, exhaling softly as his eyes flutter closed and he presses himself further into you, lips moving frantically against yours, as he breathes you in, his hunger for you never-ending and voracious, warmth spreading across his body as he caresses the side of your face with one palm, the other snaking around your waist tenderly.
Under the pale moonlight, the two of you fit together like two perfect puzzle pieces, twinkling like two stars in the sky that finally found one another, that finally found their home. Mammon hasn't felt this whole, hasn't felt this loved and wanted and cared for and happy for centuries.
As you reluctantly part to gasp for breath, Mammon's lips move to chase yours, moving forwards to peck your cheeks, pressing sweet kisses all over your eyelids, your forehead and the tip of your nose until he finally presses a firm kiss over your parted lips, giggles and soft breaths erupting from the two of you as you look at one another, tender glances and soft expressions adorning blushy cheeks.
"S-So I'm, uh, guessin' ya feel the same way, huh?" Came his choked out voice, dispelling the silence.
You reach down to clutch his nervously shaking hands in your own, bringing them upwards to press against your cheeks, smiling softly at him.
"...My sweet, sweet dummy... You don't get it at all..." As he gives a comical snort at this and starts to dispel any ounce of dummyness, you rush forwards to press a firm, sweet kiss over his plump lips, effectively wiping his brain of any potential retort.
"Mammon, I love you too," his breath hitches at your confession, eyes becoming suspiciously glossy as his cheeks darken, face relaxing into a tender gaze, "and I'm so, so sorry if I ever made you feel as though you were inferior or not special, I never meant for it to come across that way, but I realize that that's exactly how it did. I've just always naturally been real affectionate with my friends, which was why it was so easy for me to be like that with you and your brothers, but it was always the hardest for me to be like that with you because... you mean the most to me, and I-I, um," your voice grows shy, bashful and soft, "I didn't want to mess anything up, and I was always so scared you didn't feel the same way. But, Mammon you mean so much to me," you kiss the palms cupping your cheeks, "you're my first man, the only demon who's protected me and never hurt me during my time here, you make me so happy, you make me feel so loved."
He presses his forehead gently against yours, lips spreading into a relieved, sweet smile, "Huh..." he breathes out slowly, "we really are a couple 'a lovesick idiots, not even realizin' that we've been in love with each other for months..." he giggles, eyes lidded, teary and tender as he looks into yours, "I'm so happy that 'm special to ya, sweetheart. You're so special to me too, ya make my life so bright and beautiful and ya make me so happy, and my heart beats for ya everyday. Thank you for loving me, 'n always believin' in me and bein' there for me... I love ya more than words can describe."
Your own eyes begin to water at his soft words, and then you're pulling him into a tender kiss, lips moving languidly against one another, softly this time, sweetly. Almost as if making up for the lost time, for the what if's and the insecurities and the gnawing fears, smoothing over those wounds and tending to them, healing them with the unconditional, endless love you hold for one another.
As you pull away, you notice the dark bags under his eyes, and it dawns upon you both mentally and physically just how exhausting this day must have been for the two of you, emotionally taxing and nerve-wracking. You slip your fingers through his, like you've done so countlessly before, but now, you giddily realize, you can do it all the time, and you can tell him you love him, and hold him, and touch him, and -
You clear your throat shakily, face warm and gaze adoring as you pull him towards the pillows adorning his bed, "I think we've had a really tiring day today...and..." your gaze averts, bashful and nervous, "I always, um, wanted to fall asleep in your arms and wake up next to you, so, can you make that wish come true?"
Mammon chokes, sputtering out, "O-Oi, human! Ya can't just say things like that and expect me not ta -" he cuts himself short, the tips of his ears turning the most adorable shade of pink as he bolts up from his seat next to you, scrambling around his room as he locates a spare shirt of his, tossing it to you as he grasps his burning cheeks with his palms in an attempt to hide them from your view, your cackles following him as he stumbles into his walk-in closet, shutting it to give both you and him the privacy to change.
As you peel off your clothes and slip into his shirt, you're surrounded by his warmth, by his scent that feels so much like coming home right after a long trip. Hints of the spice of his cologne, as well as a sweetness that is so him, and you realize too late that he's walked out into his bedroom with his boxers and a sleep shirt on and he's staring at you swimming in his shirt with the most loving smile and holy shit you love this man with your whole heart, and he loves you, and you're about to sleep together.
He pads over to you softly, teasingly grabbing a hold of your ankle as he pulls you gently to lay down on top of him, your surprised yell making him genuinely laugh, the toothy grin melting your heart as you move to press yourself closer to him, nuzzling into the warmth of his neck as he wraps the soft blankets around the two of you, creating a sweet little nest, making you feel as though the world has melted away around you, that the only thing that exists is the two of you.
Your hands reach up to trace the expanse of his handsome face, soft in your ministrations as you reach up to peck him once, twice, three times on his honeyed lips, whispering out a soft I love you, smiling into his warmth as he says it back, his face blushy and warm as he kisses the top of your head and holds you close, wrapped up in one another's sweet embrace, the gentle thumps of your love-filled hearts beating against one another, an amorous lullaby that lulls you to sleep.