Work Text:
Lup never hesitates. She knows what she wants and gets it when she wants it. She is loud, brash, and she always succeeds, no matter how many tries it takes.
Lup never hesitates… except for when it comes to Lucretia. She contrasts Lup in every way; everything she never is. She’s quiet, shy, and she triple-checks every word she writes. Lup lives through spontaneity, Lucretia lives through strategy.
Lucretia is beautiful and smart and she confuses the hell out of Lup. She’s hesitating for the first time in her functionally immortal life because she can’t solve the puzzle that is Lucretia.
More specifically: whether or not Lucretia likes her back.
There’s evidence, yes, but it’s shaky. Lucretia blushes when Lup throws an arm around her shoulder, but she gets flustered whenever anyone is too close. (When they all first met, Magnus’ insistence on regular group hugs seemed to be her nightmare scenario.) She carefully listens to every word Lup says and invests herself in the most pointless stories, but that’s what Lucretia does, she came on this mission to record every word everyone says. Lup never fails to make Lucretia laugh, but that’s just because Lup’s jokes are way better than Taako’s— no matter what he tries to say.
She hasn’t outright flirted with Lucretia because she doesn’t know if it’ll be reciprocated. With other people that was never an issue; either they were a way to pass time or only in Lup’s life for a year. Lucretia is one of six people Lup has to interact with on a daily basis. If she made things awkward, she can’t avoid that. Plus, she doesn’t want Lucretia to just be passing by. She wants more than a fling, and she’s not going to easily dive into something that serious.
Not to mention that they’re on a ship powered by positive relationships. Worst case scenario, she ends up dooming them all by confessing unrequited feelings.
“That’s overdramatic,” Taako comments, as if he’s discussing the weather and not the end of the mission.
“You’re under-dramatic.”
“Well that’s just not true,” Taako says, “Pass the salt.”
Lup, seated on the kitchen counter, passes the salt. It’s not the ship’s kitchen, they’re planet side in this cycle. The locals found the Light before they did and were completely grossed out and scared of it for some reason. When the team tracked it down a month later and met to negotiate it, they were hailed as saviors for getting “this wretched thing” away from them.
For their “hard work” they were rewarded with some of the best real estate in the capital city, including a kitchen fit for a whole restaurant staff of chefs. Taako, naturally, took it over.
He says, “You won’t kill us if you tell her. Realistic worse case scenario: she lets you down easy— because she’s Lucretia— and you two avoid each other for like a week or two before going on and pretending like it never happened.”
That sounds just as bad. “I don’t want her to avoid me.” Her voice accidentally comes out quiet and honest. Whoops.
Taako looks at her over a mixing bowl of cookie dough that may or may not be over-salted, in Lup’s opinion. “Is this that serious?”
Lup pulls her legs up, heels on the counter and knees under her chin. “I think so? I’ve never had, like, a serious crush before.”
They share a look that’s deeper than words. They’ve never had the chance to pursue a normal relationship and they both know that, and they both know that they know. But now? Lup actually has a chance at something resembling normal. Something nice.
“You should tell her,” Taako says, voice uncharacteristically sincere.
As he turns back to his baking, Lup asks, “How?”
“Open your mouth and say words,” Taako says simply, tone light again. Apparently two seconds of emotional intimacy was enough for T-Double-A-KO.
“It’s not that easy.”
“Then write her a letter?”
“…She does like writing.”
“Wait, but isn’t that just her job though?”
“No actually. She’s ghostwritten a lot of biographies and nonfiction but her real dream is doing something original with sci-fi or fantasy.”
Taako stops mixing and gives her a look, different from the earlier one. A look that clearly asks, are you fucking kidding me?
“Shut up! If you really want me to I’ll write the damn letter!”
“I didn’t say anything.”
“Too late!” Lup announces, hopping off the counter and marching out the kitchen. “I’m doing it!”
While originally motivated by spite, Lup sits down with a paper and quill and decides that hey, a written confession isn’t so bad.
She writes some rough drafts. And by some she means a lot, and by rough she means rough. How does Lucretia do this every day? And so easily?
Welp, that’s another thing for Lup to admire about her. Add it to the list.
After a full afternoon spent writing with so much determination that her hand cramps, she finally has something she likes. It’s a bit short, a bit sweet, and has a lot of honesty. So much that the letter almost has a physical weight in her hands.
She folds it, carefully, and seals it in an envelope. In her best cursive, she writes Lucretia’s name on the back, and slips it under her door on the way to dinner.
As soon as her hand leaves the space between door and floor, she realizes what she did. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Lucretia will see it, read it, and they’ll have to deal with this over dinner in front of everyone. Oh fuck fuck fuck.
…Welp! No turning back! No regrets! Lup marches to the dining room, thinking pointedly about anything other than what she just did.
She walks into the room smelling freshly made pasta. When did Taako have the time to make all this? But that doesn’t matter; food is the last thing on her mind at the sight before her.
The crew, seated at this round table, Lucretia among them. Lup has been going through a roller coaster of emotions in the past five minutes. Now she’s rocketed up to relief.
“Well well well,” Taako drawls, bringing in a tray of garlic bread. “Look who finally crawled out of her cave.”
Lup makes herself stare at the food to avoid staring at Lucretia. Luckily it’s not hard, she’s starving, but also yay! Her plan didn’t crumble around her!
“I was working and lost track of time,” she says, sitting down. “At least I have an excuse, unlike when you’re late.”
Taako blows a raspberry at her and she blows one right back.
“I think this is the first time I’m not the one guilty of that,” Lucretia says, serving herself.
…And now Lup’s thinking of Lucretia again. Of all the times she’s been late to something because of her work. She’d always sheepishly slide into the room and silently sit herself down, hoping to disappear into the background of whatever the real focus is. Sometimes, especially in earlier cycles, she’d be asked what she was doing. She’d always pick up a journal, ever at her side, and ask “What else?”
Now Lup’s the late one. Now she gets the feeling of eyes on her and the teasing and the questions. No wonder Lucretia would rather shy away from the focus. Lup doesn’t mind, but none of this is Lucretia’s style.
“I guess I can’t tease you anymore,” Lup says with a shrug. She busies herself with her food so she doesn’t have to look while Lucretia laughs at that.
“Won’t stop me though!” Taako says, “I’ll just get both of you for being late. Hand out fuckin’ detentions.”
The group laughs, but the knot of nerves stays tightly woven in Lup’s chest.
Lucy,
Hey! I know this is weird to do and you’re probably confused, but I have a reason, promise. I have a few things I wanna say, but it’d be best if I wrote it down first.
With letters I can think really hard about what I wanna say, you know? It’s nicer than talking face to face. But I guess you know the feeling a lot better than me. Not that it’s bad, it’s just not usually my style. Like, even though this is my first time doing this, my brain is already tired of thinking so much! How do you do this every day?
But that’s not the point of this. I have something else to tell you, and wouldn’t it be best if I asked you in your preferred way? I’ll be honest though, I’ve been avoiding saying it because I’m afraid of your response.
Lucy, I care about you, a lot. Like, a lot a lot. And over time, I started to realize that these feelings weren’t exactly platonic. I never really had a crush like this before, though, and it kind of scares me. Not you, you could never scare me. But my feelings scare me, because I don’t know what to do with them. They just sit here in my chest and it’s hard to breathe sometimes. And whenever I’m close to you it goes away, but never completely. I know how to make it go away, but it could also make it worse.
Jeez, this got poetic. And kinda guilt-trippy. Sorry. But yeah, I think I should spell it out for you though, just for the sake of saying it. Or… writing it.
I like you, Lucretia. A lot.
You don’t have to say it back, or let me down gently, or whatever. I think I’m at the point where I just want you to know that.
Lup
As soon as she’s done eating she excuses herself and leaves. Fuck the twenty minute rule, she needs a swim.
They’re basically staying in a hotel, complete with a swimming pool. They’ve been regularly taking advantage of it, so Lup already has a bathing suit underneath her clothes. She strips down and gets in the water alone, letting the pink overhead lights wash over her.
Her anxieties and her anticipation have been writhing in her chest and she feels overheated. Something about motion generating heat or something. Whatever, she needs to cool off, rest her body as well as her mind.
And the water is, in fact, cool. She’s an evocation specialist, but she feels right at home here. The water rises to her waist and she ties her hair up into a bun to keep the tail ends from getting wet.
She aimlessly walks around the pool, watching her own form create ripples and waves, and watching the way her brown skin looks under pink light. She traces the pads of her fingers over the coolness, making more, smaller ripples. It calms her down, letting her tense muscles relax and her brain focus on something small and inconsequential.
But as always, inevitably, her mind drifts back to Lucretia. Surely she’s read the letter by now. What is she thinking? Did she laugh at it? Throw it away without a second thought? Is she taking the letter’s advice and not responding at all? Lup will admit, while she does just want to get her feelings out there, it’d be nice to have them reciprocated, or at least addressed.
The door opens. Lup’s facing away, so she doesn’t see who the footsteps across tile belong too. The door shuts with a heavy, hollow ch-thunk, and silence reigns.
Lup takes a deep breath, steadying her heartbeat, and turns.
Lucretia. Standing there, the folded letter held delicately between her thumbs and forefingers.
Lup’s glad to see her face. She would’ve felt silly if she was all worked up over someone else. Also, it’s a nice face to see.
They make eye contact. Lup doesn’t know what to say, so she doesn’t speak. Neither does Lucretia.
Lup is silently begging her to please, come into the water.
Then Lucretia is putting down the letter and taking her clothes off. She too has a bathing suit under her outfit, which she piles together and puts the letter on top of to keep it dry. Uncharacteristically bold, she steps into the water and crosses the distance of the pool.
Lup meets her halfway. If she’s here in the water, that must mean something good, right?
Then Lucretia’s hands are on her face and pulling her into an immediately reciprocated kiss. Yeah, definitely something good.
Lup’s hands find Lucretia’s waist, pulling her close. At the same time, Lucretia steps closer, accidentally sending Lup back. She just steps back and pulls Lucretia with her, not breaking the kiss.
They keep walking as their lips move against one another, their arms pulling each other closer. Lup steps backwards and breaks the kiss with a gasp as she suddenly falls down off a drop-off. The water’s at her shoulders now, and Lucretia stands over her.
She giggles, which turns into a laugh, and Lup laughs along. Lucretia bounces down too, hands finding Lup’s hips in the water. “Hi.”
“Hi.”
They’re both smiling, giddy, with red-kissed lips and, in Lup’s case, a growing blush. Lucretia is probably blushing too, but it’s hard to see in normal light, let alone the pink toned room they’re in.
“So… you read my letter?” Lup asks, arms coming out of the pool to drape across Lucretia’s shoulders. Water drips off her fingers into the water, making a trickling background noise.
Lucretia nods. “I know I didn’t have to, but I couldn’t not answer it. It was very well written.”
“No it wasn’t.” Not compared to everything Lucretia writes. Casually throwing out perfect metaphors and adjectives.
“Yes it was. I liked it a lot.”
“I like you a lot.”
Lucretia smiles. “I know,” she says, “I like you a lot too.”
“Mm? What are you gonna do about it?”
Lucretia hums, mock thinking. Then she looks into Lup’s eyes with a rare mischievousness and says, “This.”
Then she’s kissing Lup again, and lifting her off the floor. Lup’s legs instinctively wrap around Lucretia’s waist and she’s held there, Lucretia’s hands under her thighs. Lup sighs into the kiss and savors it, this is much better than she could’ve hoped for.
When it breaks, she’s over Lucretia’s face, looking down at her. “You have good ideas.”
Lucretia smiles. “You’re a good kisser.”
“Wasn’t it obvious?” Lup asks. “…You are too.”
A beat passes, with them just… looking at each other. Lup likes knowing she can freely do that now. Then Lucretia looks away and nervously says, “I… you said you had that weight in your chest.”
“Yeah?” Lup had forgotten all about it, as it left as soon as both of them were in the pool.
“I wanted to help with that. I… I know what it feels like.”
Oh. Oh.
“I guess we can both help each other out then,” Lup says flirtily, leaning down for more kisses. Lucretia giggle-hums and meets her halfway.