Work Text:
wilbur: tommy
tommy
tommy
TOMMY
Phil: Wilbur?
wilbur: TOMMY
tubbo: tubbo:D
wilbur: TOMMY
Phil: Hey Tubbo
wilbur: T O M M Y
tubbo: hi phil!
wilbur: where is he
Phil: Did you finish your maths yet, Tubbo?
wilbur: tell me where he is right now
wilbur: or i’ll kill every last one of you
technoblade: you couldn’t kill me if you tried
wilbur: you don’t know that
technoblade: yes i do
Phil: Yes he does
tubbo: ^^^
wilbur: whose side are you on
techonblade: anarchy’s
Phil: My own, probably
tubbo: tommy’s side!
wilbur: i despise you, tubbo
tubbo: :(
wilbur: a friend of tommy is a mortal enemy of mine
tubbo: ok but i want to be your freind!
wilbur: traitors. the lot of you.
tubbo: @Phil i forgot to start :(
Phil: Meaning you’ve been on your phone
wilbur: WHERE IS HE TECHNOBLADE
technoblade: how would i know
wilbur: I KNOW YOU SAW HIM LAST
Phil: Relax with the caps
wilbur: YOU ALWAYS USE CAPS
Phil: Only one. At the start of a sentence. Like a normal person
You know who does always use caps, though?
wilbur: TELL ME WHERE HE IS
tubbo: no phil i wasn’t on my phone! i was reading a book! :D
Phil: On TikTok?
tubbo: their are no books on tiktok!
and i don’t even like tiktok!
wilbur: TELL ME NOW
technoblade: why do you even care
Phil: Start right now, Tubbo
wilbur: BECAUSE I AM ANGRY
tubbo: i will start phil!
Phil: Do you really have to use this gc, Wilbur? Leave me and Tubbo out of your drama. He still needs to graduate
technoblade: i didn’t graduate
Phil: Yes but
Well there’s actually nothing to say
wilbur: he’s disappointed in you
you know how you can redeem yourself?
technoblade: idk where he is. leave me out of your drama.
Phil: He still needs to graduate.
wilbur: i will murder all of you
technoblade: i’m telling you
you can’t kill me
wilbur: i can
technoblade: with what weapon
wilbur: drugs
tommy: DRUGS
I KNOW DRUGS
I LOVE DRUGS AND DO THEM ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!
tubbo: TOMMY :D
Phil: That hurts my eyes to read
technoblade: he was summoned by the drugs
wilbur: THERE YOU ARE
YOU STUPID *****
*****
technoblade: what
was that
wilbur: what the ****
Phil: Oh, right
I forgot to tell everyone
I made our group chat family friendly
tommy: WHAT
Phil: Caps, Tommy
But yes
Every time you type a swear it will automatically ****** it out
technoblade: are you kidding me phil
tommy: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT
wilbur: i think it's an incredible idea
as long as you change it so i can swear
Phil: I will not be doing that
wilbur: well then
as long as it angers the child
tommy: I AM NOT ANGRY
I AM ONLY BETRAYED
THIS IS WORSE THAN WHEN ERET BLEW UP MY HOUSE
technoblade: that was seven years ago
also it was made of cardboard
tommy: IT WAS HORRIBLE
PHILZAMINECRAFT
WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME
Phil: Because it’s high time you watered down your vocabulary
tommy: WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN
Phil: Tommy
tommy: WHAT
Phil: Caps.
tommy: BUT I AM ANGRY
technoblade: i thought you were not angry
Phil: You’re acting like Wilbur
tommy: HOW DARE YOU
wilbur: how dare you
tommy: JINXFS WILBUR!!
JINX
YOU OWE ME $$$
Phil: Stop using caps
wilbur: i now realize the error of my ways
i do not want to text like the child
tommy: I AM NOT A ******* CHILD
THIS IS SO ******* ANNOYING I WANT TO ******* KILL YOU ALL STAB YOU ALL WITH ALL MY KNIVES AND I HAVE MANY DON'T YOU WORRY I HAVE MANY
***** ****** **** *******
Phil: Oh, I like this
tommy: I HATE THIS
wilbur: no more caps for me
i am reformed
tubbo: i am reading!
Phil: Tubbo
tubbo: i am putting my phone down!
wilbur: tommy you better ****** give me my beanie back
tommy: WHAT BEANIE
wilbur: i know you have it
technoblade: is all of this seriously because of a beanie
tommy: WHAT BEANIE
I DON’T KNOW NOBODY
Phil: Caps.
wilbur: i will rip you apart limb by limb tommy
not even techno will be able to save you
technoblade: i mean i probably could
wilbur: he could not
technoblade: i mean i probably could
tommy: to be fair, he probably could
wilbur: GIVE IT BACK TOMMY
Phil: I thought you were reformed?
wilbur: give it back tommy
immediately
or you will die a gruesome death
tommy: philzaminecraft
wilbur: TOMMY
Phil: Tommy
tommy: are you hearing this
Phil: Yes
tommy: and????
Phil: And????
tommy: ????
Phil: ????
tommy: WOW
FINE
philzaminecraft
Phil: Spit it out or I'm telling Wilbur where you're hiding
tommy: YOU WOULDN'T
wilbur: WHAT
YOU KNOW????
Phil: Yes
wilbur: AND????
Phil: And????
wilbur: ????
Phil: I'm having a strong sense of deja vu
wilbur: wow
fine
i'll find the child myself
i'll reclaim my beanie
and then i'll kill him
Phil: Ok
What were you going to say, Tommy?
tommy: I DON'T TRUST YOU ANYMORE
Phil: Ok
tommy: I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU
Phil: Ok
tommy: YOU DON'T DESERVE TO KNOW
Phil: Ok
tommy: IT WAS A QUESTION ACTUALLY BUT I'M STILL NOT TELLING YOU BECAUSE I ******* HATE YOU
Phil: Ok
technoblade: five
four
three
two
tommy: HOW DARE YOU REMOVE THE SWEARS PHIL
technoblade: one
tommy: HAVE YOU BEEN SCHEMING WITH BADBOYHALO
Phil: Is that your question?
tommy: YES
Phil: No
tommy: WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO
Phil: No I haven't talked to Badboyhalo
I just consulted the depths of my own conscience
technoblade: so you got it from that parenting handbook
Phil: No
What parenting handbook
tommy: YEAH
WHAT BEANIE
!!!!!!!!!
Phil: I consulted the depths of my own conscience
And decided that swearing is bad
Unless I do it
wilbur: what about me
Phil: On occasion
techno: what about me
Phil: In select circumstances
tommy: what about me
Phil: Absolutely not
tommy: WHAT
Phil: Never
tommy: WHY
wilbur: i like this
tommy: THIS IS A CRIME
wilbur: i like this a lot
tommy: THIS IS UNJUST DISCRIMINATION
wilbur: but it is not punishment enough
he stole my beanie
there is only one viable solution
tubbo: what about me phil? :D
Phil: What about you
tubbo: can i swear? :D
Phil: Go read
tubbo: reading is hard :(
tommy: what assignment is it tubbo
i’ve just finished the one from last friday
Phil: You just what?
tommy: don’t worry about it philzaminecraft
Phil: Last FRIDAY?
tommy: CAPS
wilbur: caps
technoblade: hypocrite
tommy: JINX AGAIN WIL
YOU NOW OWE ME DOUBLE $$$
tubbo: tommy i am just confuzed on the annotatiens
tommy: i will send them
give me a second to find the sheet
Phil: Are you cheating?
tommy: don’t worry about it philzaminecraft
wilbur: i am going to kill you tommy
Phil: Can I worry about that?
tommy: don’t worry about it philzaminecraft
Phil: I wouldn’t have, anyway
technoblade: i’ll protect you tommy
for a price
tommy: I’M NOT THROWING AWAY MY DRUGS
Phil: This is not Hamilton
tubbo: that is not a hamiltin line?
Phil: READ
technoblade: smh
wilbur: caps
tommy: CAPS
JINX
TRIPLE $$$
tubbo: dont worry about it philzaminecraft