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The smell of cheap cigarettes was prominent in the small bedroom down the hall and next to the bathroom in a cottage in Wales. It was a warm summer night. The only light to be seen other than the scattering of tiny bright stars in the black sky was the lamp in the bedroom. It gave off a warm glow and attracted a few moths towards the window from which it was emitting. The sound of boisterous laughter disrupted the peaceful silence that surrounded the residence.
“You’re so fucking ridiculous,” Remus spoke through a fit of laughter.
“I’ve got a point though, don’t I?” Sirius pointed out, sitting on the bed next to the open window and smoking a cigarette.
“Just because Slughorn has a moustache, does not make him a walrus pretending to be a human.” Remus refuted, baffled this was something that had to be said.
“Well, have you ever seen Sluggy and a walrus in the same room?” Sirius asked, as though this was indisputable proof of his point.
“I’ve never seen a walrus in general! Does that mean everyone I know is secretly a walrus?”
“But not everyone you know looks like a walrus.”
"You're an idiot," Remus said breathlessly. Sirius rested the hand with the cigarette on the windowsill and used the other to playfully shove his friend.
"I think you mean genius."
"No I don't," Remus reassured him. Sirius flicked the ashes of his cigarette out the window and raised it to his mouth once more. "Those are bad for you, you know."
Sirius just rolled his eyes, "You want one?"
Remus just sighed. "Hand it over." Sirius grinned and passed one to him.
"That's what I thought."
"Shut up. We both need to quit." Remus remarked while lighting his cigarette with the lighter he nicked from his dad the summer before.
"Eh. What's life without a little risk?"
"That's not an excuse to do stupid shit."
Sirius chuckled, "Like I need an excuse."
Remus put the lighter back in the drawer of his nightstand as he raised the cancer stick to his mouth. It burned in his throat and he resisted the urge to cough. Lily Evans liked to say Sirius was a bad influence and Remus was starting to suspect she was right. Not that he would do anything about it. Not only was he quite fond of the dark-haired reckless boy sitting on his bed, but Remus specialised in self-destructive behaviours. Which would explain the smoking. "When are your parents coming home?" Sirius asked.
"What's the date?"
"Ninth of August."
"About two days," Remus answered. His parents were in France for the summer holiday. They trusted Remus to stay at home. Which was a very dumb decision.
Sirius nodded and threw his spent cigarette out the window. "I should probably leave tomorrow then."
"You don't have to. My parents won't mind." Remus tried to act casually. Like he didn't care either way. He wasn't sure if it was working. Perhaps the nicotine was already messing with his brain. It would explain a lot. Like why his heart rate increased exponentially when Sirius breathed out a laugh.
"You really think they won't mind this ?" Sirius gestured to himself. He was wearing a faded leather jacket over a black Sex Pistols t-shirt. His clunky combat boots were on the bed, much to Remus' chagrin.
"The only thing they'll mind is that you're wearing shoes on the bed. Take those off." Remus nudged Sirius' leg with his elbow. Sirius rolled his eyes and kicked off his shoes. Remus took another drag from his cigarette, causing his heart rate to increase once more. He needed to quit.
"As you wish, your majesty," Sirius said sarcastically, earning a light elbow to the side from Remus, who was trying hard to stifle a smile. "Are you sure they won't mind though? I wouldn't want them thinking a rebellious bad boy like myself is corrupting their perfect son."
Remus snorted, "Did you just refer to yourself as a bad boy?"
"Well, how would you describe me?" Sirius challenged jokingly.
A plethora of words came to mind that Remus would never say. Instead, he said, "Self-centred dork with a disregard for authority."
“Rude!”
Remus shrugged, “You asked.”
“I figured it would be something like ‘devilishly handsome and courageous’. I wasn’t expecting to be slandered.”
“And that sentence proves my point.”
“Okay, I can see the self-centred thing and disregard for authority. But I am not a dork.”
“You spent a week learning origami so you could fuck with McGonagall by turning in a swan as your homework,” Remus recalled.
“That was not dorky. That was very punk rock.” Sirius said in his defence.
Remus laughed, “That is the furthest thing from punk rock.”
“I was dismantling the flawed education system. That is punk rock,” Sirius disputed, though he had a smile on his face.
“You were being a prat, that’s what you were doing.” Remus corrected him.
“Do you remember the look on her face, though? That was priceless.”
“She looked like she wanted to murder someone. Most likely you.”
The sound of the grandfather clock in the living room striking twelve diverted them from their discussion.
“Are you sure you want me to stay?” Sirius asked and Remus made the mistake of facing him. The answer was yes. It was always going to be yes. Even if the answer was no, it would be impossible to say that to the pretty grey eyes that were staring back at him.
“Yeah,” Remus answered and hated that his voice cracked like he was an awkward thirteen-year-old boy again. He hoped Sirius didn’t notice. He shrugged out of his leather jacket, mumbling something about how hot it was.
"I think we should do something tomorrow. Last day of freedom, you know?”
Remus raised an eyebrow at him dubiously, “What are you suggesting?” Knowing Sirius, it was likely something illegal.
“Okay, hear me out,” Sirius reached under the pillow closest to him and extracted a glass bottle of-
“No.”
“C’mon, it’ll be fun.”
“Where did you even get that?” He asked and he knew he would regret asking it but he couldn’t help it.
“Got it in town. As long as you look seventeen, the bloke at the pub will sell you whatever you want.”
Remus sighed, and they both knew he was eventually going to give in. Because Remus always gave in. Especially when it came to Sirius. That didn’t mean he was giving in without any argument though. “That's illegal."
Sirius just shrugged and a dark strand of his hair fell in his face. "Since when has that stopped me?"
"We better not get caught." Remus conceded.
Sirius grinned triumphantly. "Yes! Knew you'd come around!"
"Yes well, I seem to be incapable of saying no to you," Remus admitted.
"And I'd like it to stay that way."
Remus was going to suggest they go to bed before he did something very very self-destructive. Until-
"What was that?"
"The light went out, you dipshit."
"Well yeah, I can see that. But why?"
"Well if you give me a second, I can find out." Remus felt around his nightstand and found the string to turn on his lamp. He pulled it and it made the clicking noise that it usually did. It didn't work. He tried it again.
"What's wrong with it?"
"Not sure. Maybe a dead bulb." Remus went to unscrew the light bulb. But of course, it was hot. He swore and pulled his hand away, feeling like a complete idiot.
"Did you just burn your hand?"
"What does it look like?" Remus retorted in a sarcastic tone.
"It doesn't look like anything. I can't fucking see."
Remus rolled his eyes. Sirius was right though. Now that the light was out, it was near impossible to tell whether his eyes were open or closed. It was quite off-putting. He felt something warm and solid press against his side as he tried to assess the damage on his burned hand. It was almost comforting. Until Sirius jabbed him in the eye. "Sirius! Ow!" He swatted the boy off of him.
"What?"
"You poked my eye, you wanker."
"I was trying to figure out where you were," Sirius explained, not sounding remotely apologetic.
"I haven't moved since the bloody light went out. Now move. Maybe I can find a candle or something." Remus said and slid off of his bed.
"Need help?" Sirius offered.
"Just stay here and don't break anything." He advised.
He heard Sirius scoff, "You really think I'm so irresponsible that I'll break something as soon as you leave the room?"
"Yes. As a matter of fact, I do." Remus answered and left his room, bumping his arm into the doorframe on the way out. He had no idea where he was going. He was relying purely on muscle memory. Surely he knew the layout of his house well enough by now to find the kitchen, where his parents kept their candles, without seeing. He felt around the walls to guide him, attempting to flip some light switches on the way. The power must have gone out for some reason.
He heard a loud crash and sighed. He didn't have the willpower at the moment to be upset with Sirius. There were much more important matters at hand. Like the fact that he may be stuck without power for the next two days until his parents get home. Because he's just some knobbly sixteen-year-old boy who didn't know shit about electricity and really didn't care to.
He felt around the walls some more and walked into a doorway. He sighed in relief when he felt a circular picture on the wall. He was in the kitchen. Now to find those bloody candles.
"Moony! Are you almost done?" A voice shouted from his bedroom.
"Will you give me a minute?" Remus shouted back as he opened the cabinet he was seventy-eight per cent sure had the candles in it.
"It's been a minute. It's been several minutes." Sirius replied in a whiny tone.
"And it'll be several more if you don't learn to be patient." He felt around the cabinet, wincing when he touched something sticky. Finally, he grabbed a waxy feeling cylinder that had to be a candle. Because there was no other object it could be. He pulled it out and felt the wick at the top of it. Yep. Definitely a candle. Now to figure out how to get back in his bedroom.
"Padfoot?" He called when he entered the room that had to be his own.
"It's about time." Sirius grumbled impatiently.
"I was barely gone for five minutes."
"Five minutes too many. Now come over here and light the bloody candle."
"I would if I knew where the fuck you were," Remus said, squinting pointlessly in the darkroom. There was a clicking noise that Remus was way too familiar with and the room was brightened by the dim orange flame of the lighter. Remus walked towards it and the anxious feeling in his chest subsided slightly when he got close enough to see the reflection of the light in Sirius' silvery eyes.
It was only when the candle was lit that Remus noticed what had caused the crash while he was looking for the candle. "Really?" He asked, exasperatedly.
"Look, I know you're upset, but what if I told you that I'll pay to replace it?" Sirius suggested. Remus wasn't even that upset. He was just confounded at how he could leave Sirius alone for less than five minutes and then come back to find the clay vase his mum made for him when she took pottery lessons shattered on the floor.
"It's alright. It's not really the sort of thing you can replace anyways. I'll clean it up in the morning." He said in a passive voice. Sirius frowned. "Don't think I won't bring this up in the future to blackmail you though." He added in a lighter tone.
"Remus, really I'm sorry."
He sighed, "I said it's fine. Let it go. I didn't even like it much anyway. I'll clean it up in the morning." He placed the lit candle on his nightstand and sat back on his bed.
"Did you figure out why the light went out?"
"No. Think the power's off or something." Remus said, becoming entirely too distracted by Sirius' leg that had somehow, not unpleasantly, become pressed against his own.
"Maybe I'll have a look at it." Sirius proposed.
"What do you know about electricity?"
He shrugged, "Not much. But it can't be too hard, can it?"
"You'd be surprised," Remus commented, closing his bedroom window. "Now, we should probably get to sleep."
"How could we go to sleep when there's still so much to do?"
"Like what?" Remus looked at him sceptically.
Sirius ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breath. He seemed...nervous. Which was weird. Because Sirius Black was never nervous. "I need to tell you something."
Remus adjusted himself and somehow ended up closer to Sirius.
"What?" He had an odd feeling of trepidation in his chest as he waited for Sirius to respond. He didn't dare let himself wonder what it was his friend was going to say. If he didn’t have expectations, he couldn’t be disappointed.
"I ran away."
"You what?" Remus asked the words not really processing in his stupid empty brain.
"I ran away. I meant to tell you before but I was afraid you'd be angry with me or something." He explained. "I live with Prongs now. I still haven't heard anything from my parents. Wouldn't be surprised if they haven’t even realised I’m gone." He added bitterly.
"That's..."
"I know. Reckless, stupid, and impulsive." Sirius finished. "Just like everything else I do."
Remus shook his head. "Sirius-"
"Mrs Potter seemed more than happy to take me in. I couldn't take it anymore, Moony. It was-it was hell. I barely left my room and when I did, all I'd get were constant lectures and punishments. I was barely eating because I didn't want to see my family. I know I shouldn't have been so rash but-" Remus grabbed Sirius' hands.
"Will you shut up for a second?" Sirius stopped speaking and stared at him with guilty eyes. Remus gave his hands a reassuring squeeze. "I'm not angry with you, Sirius. Quite the opposite, in fact. I hated seeing you get hurt by those prejudiced fuckers. They don't deserve you."
Sirius gave him a small sincere grin and Remus' heart literally melted. It was just a shapeless puddle at that point. "You think so?"
"I know so." Remus did his best to return the smile. He knew it was cliché. And he hated it but he had butterflies in his stomach.
“Can I try something?” Sirius asked, disentangling their fingers.
“Is it legal?”
“Close your eyes.” He instructed.
“That’s not an answer.”
“Moony.”
“Alright. Alright. I’m doing it. I swear if this is some sort of prank-”
“It’s your turn to shut up now.” Sirius said and Remus closed his eyes. He hoped that it wasn’t too obvious that his heart was about to combust. That would be embarrassing. There was the sound and feel of Sirius shifting on the small twin bed. Remus tried to control his breathing and resisted the urge to open his eyes. This is so fucking stupid.
Or at least it was . He could feel warm and slightly sweaty hands touch his face and he flinched. He could hear and feel Sirius breathe out a laugh against his cheek.
“Calm down, Moony.” He said and Remus couldn’t help but giggle back. What the fuck. What was wrong with his body and why the fuck was he giggling? It had to have been some sort of weird defence mechanism. But he stopped caring after he felt a warm and wet pressure on his lips. His inner monologue descended into Panic Mode. Because this was a prank and holy fucking shit is Sirius Black is kissing me?
Remus pushed Sirius off of him instinctively. He opened his eyes and Sirius’ face was inches away from his. “What the fuck?”
Sirius went wide-eyed. “I...I don’t know. If I’m being honest.”
Remus’ brain was going a million miles per hour. But he somehow couldn’t verbalise a single thought. So he decided to take a leaf out of Sirius’ book and be impulsive, reckless, and stupid.
He took a deep breath. And kissed Sirius. It was weird if he was honest. And wet. And mildly uncomfortable. But it didn’t matter. Because Sirius was kissing him back. He had no idea what the fuck to do with his hands. What was the point of kissing, anyways? When did humans decide to put their mouth on someone else’s mouth that you found attractive? It was pretty fucking stupid if you ask him.
But nobody did ask him and he stopped caring after Sirius put a hand in his hair. Alright. Maybe there was a point to this whole kissing thing. He told his brain to shut up and just enjoy things for once. And it worked. Because he stopped panicking and overthinking and just did what felt right. He raised a hand to cup Sirius’ face. There was the slightly scratchy feeling of some stubble that Sirius must have missed shaving.
He then came to the realisation that he didn’t remember feeling more human than he did at that moment. There was just something so vulnerable and exciting about the whole thing. For the first time in a long time, he let go. And it was wonderful. And he never wanted to stop.