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This was going to be a different kind of a Christmas. The year had been rough and after a little light during the summer, the situation with Coronavirus had gone for worse again. Nonetheless, Buck had a feeling this was going to be the best Christmas he’d ever had - after all, he was spending it with Eddie and Christopher.
Since the whole thing with the virus started, he had lived with the Diaz boys. They had decided it was best for everyone. Buck needn’t to be alone and Eddie got help with Christopher. And what’s most important, it had made Christopher happy during this demanding situation . Buck still had his own apartment, but he hadn’t used it for months, apart from occasionally checking that it was still standing and picking up some stuff to take to Eddie’s. Most of his stuff was at Eddie’s by now anyway and they had become a family unit. Not that they had ever talked about it.
Buck and Eddie’s work wasn’t risk free that was given . B ut it also had its risks when it came to the virus, so they didn’t want to risk Abuela or aunt Pepa, meaning they couldn’t take Christopher there when they were working. Luckily , Carla had managed to sort her work so that she could only take care of Chris. And luckily Abuela and Pepa were quite capable with facetime, so they could keep in touch with Eddie and Christopher easily. So, all in all , Buck was quite happy with how things were at the moment . So much so that he even felt a tad guilty of his good fortune. Not that he was going to stop him enjoying this magical time of the year.
Especially now that they were picking up the Christmas tree. Christopher had begged them to go for days, but they had waited until they had a day off and could spend the rest of the day decorating the tree - and the house. Christopher’s eyes were gleaming as he looked at all the trees around him.
“Dad, Buck look at that tree, and that…oh and that over there!” Buck had never seen the kid move so quickly before, as he did going from one tree to the next.
“Oh boy,” Eddie sighted smiling at Buck when they hurried after Chris.
After going around the yard for what felt like an eternity, Chris had finally found the perfect, symmetrical, thick, and full tree he was happy with - or almost happy with. He had laid his eyes on a larger one as well, too tall for the house, but perfect for the front yard.
“Can we take both?” He asked hopefully.
“One is quite enough,” Eddie said lovingly, but sternly.
“But dad! They are both perfect! And we need to decorate the front yard as well!”
Christopher looked at him with pleading eyes, Buck was sure Eddie was gonna give in, but no.
“Christopher, one is enough, okay kid?” He said and hugged him.
“But dad!” Chris almost sobbed when he broke away from the hug.
He turned towards Buck, “Can we, Buck?” He pleaded with such a despair in his eyes Buck didn’t know what to do.
“Buddy, Chris,” it’s not my place to decide, it’s up to your dad. Buck managed to whisper.
“He will listen to you, please Buck!!!” he pleaded and clang onto Buck.
Buck looked Eddie hopelessly. “Can we?” He mouthed.
“Ok, fine, this year only.” He finally gave in.
“Thank you dad!” Chris yelled while wobbling to his dad’s arms.
“Thank you,” Buck mouthed.
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It was quite a task to get both trees back at Eddie’s, but somehow, they managed.
“ So, one tree wasn’t enough?” Carla laughed, coming out of the house. Christopher had asked, if she could come to decorate the trees with them and how could she had said no.
“Well, this one was quite adamant we’d get two, so here we are,” Eddie said while trying to move the bigger tree from the truck with no luck. The tree was way too heavy for either of them to handle by themselves, but luckily together they managed to get it to the yard and to its place. And after a few failed attempts, they managed to get it standing straight.
“Nice job!” Eddie said giving Buck a high-five.
“You happy buddy?” Buck asked Chris, who was gleaming joy looking at the tree.
“Yeah! Now we just need to get it decorated and the star to the top!”
“We’ll do that, but first we need to have lunch, so in we go,” Eddie said and ushered a reluctant Christopher inside.
“He sure is happy we got both off the trees,” Buck said to Carla with a big grin
“I’m quite surprised Eddie gave in, after his big talk last week that he needs to be stricter with Chris as he has, by his own words, been spoiling him lately.” Carla mused.
“Well, he was quite despared to get the big tree as well … besides, I don’t think Eddie’s been spoiling him anyway.” Buck said going after them.
“Well, you wouldn’t, as you’ve been spoiling him as well.” Carla muttered to herself , shaking her head bemused .
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After the lunch they had started to decorate the big tree, which had taken all their decorations, meaning Buck had had to go to the shops to get more for the tree inside.
“Why is this tree so special, eh bud?” Eddie asked sitting next to Chris, who was beaming at the decorated tree, on the porch stairs.
“It just is,” Chris said looking down.
“Come on, you can tell me,” he softly urged him to tell , he knew there had to be some reason, and to be quite honest, Eddie was a little worried how Chris had reacted.
“I can’t…” Chris whispered.
Eddie was even more certain something was wrong, but he didn’t have time to figure out what, as Buck’s car emerged behind the corner and he had to go help him unload the - too many - Xmas decorations from car.
“So, what’s with the tree?” Carla asked, taking Eddie’s spot next to Christopher.
“It’ll help me get my wish,” Chris said after thinking a bit.
“What wish?”
“My wish from Santa.”
“And what are you wishing for?”
“Well…when dad was away, I asked Santa to bring him back. And he came back. Then I asked Santa to find mom. And he did find her and s he came back to me.” Christopher explained.
“Go on,” Carla encouraged him to continue.
“I asked Santa to make Buck stay.” he whispered.
“Stay? He isn’t going anywhere.” Carla was confused.
“Not now, but one day he is … I want him to stay forever.” Christopher admitted, sobbing a bit .
“Oh honey,” Carla tried to comfort him, “it’s alright.”
“And…and…because the last time mom appeared behind the big tree on the yard. So, I don’t wanna take any change of screwing up my wish. Everything has to be the same.” Christopher sniffled and continued, “I know Santa can do it again, he won’t let me down.”
Carla hugged him, looking disapprovingly at Eddie who she noticed had stood by the door behind them eavesdropping.
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“Let’s go kiddo, I’ll take you to sleep.” Buck said and lifted Christopher in his arms.
It had been a long day, but they had managed to decorate both off the trees and the house. They were so grateful for Carla’s help, without her organizing skills and eye for decoration they would have spent days doing it.
“Bye Carla,” Christopher said sleepily.
“Good night Christopher,” Carla said, giving him a good night kiss.
“Now Buckaroo, take this little man to sleep, I need a word with Eddie.” Buck looked a tad surprised, but didn’t argue, he loved taking Chris to sleep and reading him a bedtime story.
As soon as Buck and Chris had gone , Carla’s attention turned to Eddie who could feel her stare in his bones.
“We need to talk,” she said and continued. ”I know you heard what he said. Walk me to the car. Now.”
Eddie knew he had no way to avoid the oncoming conversation.
“What do you want me to say?” He asked when they were far enough from the door. “That I’m the worst dad who is gonna break his son’s heart at the Christmas Day?”
Carla looked at Eddie unimpressed with his drama queen antics.
“This has been going on way too long!”
“What has?”
“You and Buck.” She stated, as a matter of fact.
“Me and Buck, what of us?” Eddie wasn’t giving in. “There is no us!”
Carla stared at him unimpressed.
“Don’t play stupid, it’s not cute.” She said. “Christopher hasn’t gotten these ideas out of nothing you know.”
Eddie spread his arms “what do you want me to say?”
“That maybe you care for Buck more than just as friends, it’s quite obvious.”
“ So what if I do?” He blurted out more loudly he meant to . “It changes nothing.” He continued surrendering his defense .
“What do you mean it changes nothing?
“It just…doesn’t . There can’t be us ” Eddie said completely defeated.
“I think that, for some stupid reason, you have convinced yourself that there is no future for you two , so you can’t see there obviously can be. Maybe your feelings surprised you and you simply couldn’t handle them, I don’t know,” she took a deep breath. “But what I do know is that you have to make some decision and soon. It’s not fair on Chris nor Buck to let them keep wishing for something more.”
“For Buck?” Eddie was lost.
“Come on, you’re even thicker than I though t … haven’t you noticed how he looks at you?”
“Looks at me?”
Carla rolled his eyes, “Yes, Eddie. Buck obviously loves you. And so do you, but if you are not ready to act on it, you have to let him go. Okay?
Eddie didn’t know how to respond, feeling completely lost.
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Buck closed the door and let the tears run wild, his heart was aching in a way he didn’t know was possible. Carla’s scarf had been left to C h ris’ room and Chris had demanded Buck to take it to her while he got ready for bed. So he had, and honestly, he didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but when he heard Carla say ‘You and Buck’ to Eddie, he couldn’t help himself and stayed in the shadows - only to hear Eddie say ‘there is no us .’ It had broken his heart.
All this time spend living with Eddie and Chris as a family had made Buck realize he felt something more towards Eddie than just friendship. He just didn’t know what to do with it. He and Eddie had started to act more and more like a couple but he didn’t know what to think of it, it could all be just because they were living together and the situation was quite unusual. He was too much of a chicken to really find out how Eddie felt, he didn’t want to do anything to mess up what they had. And he had clearly been right. He wiped the tears away from his eyes and collected himself as he had to go put Christopher to bed and Chris couldn’t see anything was wrong. He loved the kid way too much to ever cause him any pain or sorrow.
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Eddie stayed outside for a while after Carla had left. He had some big decisions to make. He finally stepped inside and went to check Chris was asleep. He lovingly kissed the snoring boy’s forehead and continued towards his bedroom. He stopped next to the guest room door where Buck was staying. He needed to talk to him, but he just couldn’t, not now.
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Buck couldn’t settle, his mind was on overdrive. He just didn’t know what to do. His heart was broken, but in addition, he feared he had not been as subtle as he thought, and Eddie and Carla had realized the signs. Why else would they have been speaking about them, or that there is no them, that is. He felt he couldn’t get even a moment of peace from his thoughts so he grabbed his headphones and put the Spotify on shuffle, which clearly was a mistake as every song seemed to be about being in love and happy. He kept skipping the songs feeling even more stupid as he had before, so he threw the headphones away angrily , stood up and began pacing around the room before finally sitting down on the bed. He felt hopeless.
Between me and you
I've been thinking about the future and
Between me and you
I think I'm losing it now
What was this song he heard from his damn headphones, even when there were in the farest corner of the room.
Between me and you
I've been worried about the future and
Between me and you
I think I'm losing it now
And all my life, I've been told
Follow your dreams but the trail went cold
And the heart don't lie
And that's a good luck charm
But I'm watching it tear out of my arms
And there's a power in letting go
I guess I didn't want to let you know
…
Buck didn’t need to hear more as he rushed out of the room.
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Eddie couldn’t settle, his heart was racing. ‘Buck obviously loves you’ Carla’s words were running in his head. Could it be so? ‘And so do you, but if you are not ready to act on it, you have to let him go.’
‘Let him go.’
‘Let him go.’
Eddie jumped out of the bed. He was just about to open the door when a quiet knock startled him. He opened the door to find a troubled-looking Buck behind it. Eddie stepped aside and let him enter the room closing the door quietly behind them.
They stood there looking at each other waiting for the other to be the first to talk.
“Eddie…I…I’m sorry for…” Buck finally started, after what felt like an eternity, but couldn’t find it in himself to finish the sentence and looked away.
“Buck, hey. .. ” Eddie said , really wanting to touch an d comfort him. “ Look at me. What do you have to be sorry about?”
“I… I’m sorry, if I ever made you feel uncomfortable, it was never my intention.” Buck sniffled.
“Made me uncomfortable? What are you talking about?”
“I… I heard you and Carla talking…”
“Me and Carla talking?” Eddie’s heart started racing even more, what had Buck heard, he needed to know.
“I…I heard you say that there is no us… and I get that there is no us, you know, in a us way.” Buck struggled. “I never meant to make you uncomfortable…but, there has to be an us, like there has been before, I…”
Buck didn’t get to finish his sentence, as Eddie took cupped his face and crushed their lips together, pushing him against the door. Buck ’ s wrapped his hands around Eddie’s waist and the kiss deepened quickly. Panting, Eddie broke away from the kiss.
“Wow,” Buck gasped.
“Yeah,” Eddie was still panting. “I just needed to shut you up.”
“Well, you managed,” Buck s norted.
Eddie laughed, “Yeah well… I’m not good with words, and my head is all messed up right now. But what I know is that… I want this. ” He said and kissed Buck tenderly.
They rested their foreheads together.
“It’s okay, we don’t have to talk now, it can wait. All you need to know that I want this too, so much.”
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They did the talking, and more than talking, during the next days and decided to take it slowly, well, as slowly as you can when you are already living together. But they were both sure of them . They decided to wait for a bit before telling Christopher and everyone else. Christmas Day seemed like the perfect occasion for it.
They had put all the presents under the Christmas tree and the joy on Christopher’s face (who had been up the second the alarm bell rang) made Buck’s day. He would always remember this first Christmas they would spend as a family. He had to share that thought with Eddie, who was lovingly watching Christopher going through the - too many - presents.
“Hey Ed s .” Buck said and moved next to Eddie, who was standing by the kitchen door.
“Yeah?”
“You know this is our first Christmas as a family,” Buck whispered, clearly emotional.
Eddie turned to look at him, with tears starting to show in his eyes. He just couldn’t help himself and cupped Buck’s head and gave him a little peck on the lips.
“Yayayay!!! Does this mean my wish came true?” They heard Christopher yell.
The moment had completely taken over them and had completely forgotten they weren’t alone. This wasn’t exactly how they planned to tell Christopher. But sometimes things are better when they happen naturally.
“Yeah bud,” Buck started and looked at Eddie for a confirmation to go on. Eddie just smiled and nodded.
“It does.”
Christopher hurried towards Buck who took him on his arms. “I’m so happy you are staying with us forever!”
“Me too bud, me too.”
“Dad!” Christopher reached his other arms towards Eddie, who embraced both of them - their first embrace as a family.