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“C’mon, Mons, what’s eatin’ ya?”
Monika whimpers, biting three of her fingers to the first knuckle; Natsuki frowns and would probably have made to tug her hand out of her mouth, but, you know - they’re out. Like, outside, in the park.
Which is why Natsuki is more than a little concerned when Monika doesn’t say anything, just turns her eyes downwards and continues to bite nervously at her hand.
“... Monika?” She asks - tilts her head a bit to try and make eye contact with her girlfriend, squeezes the hand that she’s holding in what she hopes is a reassuring way. “Babe? Hey, c’mon, what’s the matter?”
Monika stays very silent for a very long moment.
Then, voice extremely wobbly, squeaks out a quiet ”I— w-want, M, Mam-a,”
And Natsuki’s breath catches in her throat.
Shit.
She glances behind them, in front of them, to each side - thankfully, they’re out walking on a crisp October weekday and the park isn’t exactly crowded, but— holy shit. Monika hates being little in public. What the hell happened?!
“Hey, hey, Monika,” she says, in her best (still somewhat-awkward) soothing tone, “What’s brought that on all of a sudden? We’re out taking a walk, remember?”
“... y-yeah,” Monika mumbles, sucking in a quick breath, “butIwant Mama, a,”
Natsuki opens her mouth, realizes she is about to ask someone who is little why they want their primary caregiver, and closes her mouth again.
“Did something scare you?” She tries, after taking a second to think of a question that would not net an obvious answer. Monika shakes her head, still looking mostly at the ground as her mouth movements start to look much less... bitey.
“N— Nnh,” she mutters, squeezing at Natsuki’s hand more insistently. “D’nno...”
Dunno?? Shiiit. Natsuki’s starting to figure that she might not get to find out what set Monika off. She does take one more cursory glance around them, but doesn’t see anything particularly... babyish. Or nerves-inducing. Or anything else she’s ever seen make Monika forget what age she was, stubborn or not - maybe they had passed someone walking with their kid? The pink-haired girl wracks her memory best she can, but— agh, fuck. She definitely wasn’t paying attention to anything like that and Monika is so damn quiet out in public that it could have happened 20 minutes ago and she’d never know.
Still, at least one idea is at least one idea. “Did you see another baby out in a stroller or somethin’, Mons?”
... Monika doesn’t quite agree, vocally, but she does track her eyes back a bit, a finger slipping out of her mouth.
“Wan’ Mama.”
“So, yeah, you did,” Natsuki says, breathing a sigh of— not quite relief, really, but... you know. ‘Ah-I-know-now’. “Jeez, kid, you sca— I was a little worried.”
Well. She’s still a little worried. Monika didn’t like being little in public, and here they were in public, and there she was being little, so Natsuki doubted she was enjoying it - suspicions only amplified by the unsure expression written all over Monika’s face. She weighs her options.
Option 1: turn around right now, make tracks back to the house, fuck cares who sees them?
Pros - Monika gets home, Natsuki does not have to manage her outside; Cons - basically just reinforcing that Monika should stay inside for this all the time and Sayori and Yuri weren’t home yet anyway. Crap.
Option 2: keep going with their walk, manage Monika as best she can, hope and pray nobody Monika can recognize sees them.
Pros - Monika gets outside practice, they still get time to enjoy the great outdoors, don’t look crazy hustling out of the park; Cons - Natsuki is not the most skilled at handling Monika solo, she’s probably not going to be in the best mood, always that possibility someone gets nosy.
Option 3: ducks,
Hm. No. Wait.
“Duckies,” Monika mumbles, mostly into her hand (which is creeping into a more-recognizable thumb sucking position by the second, but it’s not like Natsuki is carrying a pacifier and she doesn’t want to make her cry or anything by yanking her hand— forget it.) as she tugs absently on Natsuki’s hand. There... are indeed a few ducks in the park’s pond, still milling about despite the weather - Natsuki is pretty sure they’re local pets rather than totally feral birds, truth be told.
“Um,” Natsuki says, taking a few hesitant steps after Monika. “You wanna go... see the ducks?”
“Mm,” Monika nods.
Well.
Natsuki follows her to the pond’s bank, then - what else was she going to do? Monika seems, if not perfectly content, then at least okay with plopping down on her knees at the shore (thankfully missing Natsuki’s cringe over the now-muddied state of her jeans) and reaching out towards the splashing waterfowl, murmuring something about ducks around the digits in her mouth.
Natsuki hadn’t brought anything to feed the ducks with (not that the tubby little bastards really needed it), but Monika doesn’t seem to notice or mind. Sayori kind of had a way with the things, just like all the other little woodland creatures, and usually when she came out here they’d come waddling up to say hello regardless of the treats situation, but... Sayori wasn’t here, and Natsuki’s pretty sure they’re not gonna give the time of day to a waving, treatless kidult.
Still, as long as Monika isn’t freaking out, that’s all fine by her. Nobody comes down to the pond even moreso than barely comes walking through the park, and maybe a little bit of meditative ducky time will let Monika get through whatever wayward mommy-missing feelings she’d been struck by without much of a hitch. Monika never gets completely, totally little without a good long whiny fight about it, so whatever half-baby state she’s in right now could probably be cured with a bit of quiet time.
“S’kiiii, duckies.”
“Hn? Yeah, they’re right over there, huh?” Natsuki says, snapped out of her thoughts by Monika tugging on her jacket sleeve. “They’re really goin’ at that seaweed or whatever it is under there. Pond... weed. Something like that.”
Monika giggles (an adorable sound that she almost never makes and that Natsuki totally doesn’t cherish with her entire heart), laying her head against Natsuki’s shoulder. “Snacks.”
“Pond snacks... yeah,” Natsuki sighs, “That’d be it, I guess.”
Her first instinct is to say something silly about it, try to get another laugh out of Monika, but - damn, if she starts talking down like that, Monika is definitely not going to shake herself out of the littleness anytime soon. She doesn’t want to look like she doesn’t care, though, and she definitely doesn’t want Monika to get the idea that Natsuki doesn’t like her little or anything, and aghghrghg this would be much easier if Monika had meant to be little. Or if they weren’t outside. Or or or or or.
Monika yawns, barely - a ghost of a breath across Natsuki’s cheek, but she can still tell what it is, and what it is, thank God, is an out.
“You getting tired there, Princess?”
Natsuki figures if she says it wryly enough, it would balance out the cutesy pet name aspect of it. Monika wrinkles her nose, nuzzling further into Natsuki’s shoulder in a motion that thankfully looks so much like girlfriend cuddling that hey, might as well be to any passersby.
“Nooo,” she mutters, still grabbed onto Natsuki’s sleeve. ”Not tired.”
Natsuki tries quite valiantly to ignore the light, sudden-onset panic in the back of her head set alight by Monika’s obstinate rebuttal. Ruffling the other’s hair in a playful manner, she nudges her side, moving to pull her back up onto her feet.
“Alright, alright, you’re not tired. We should probably get going, though. Say b— uh,” she stumbles, because she definitely did not think before starting to say say bye to the duckies, which is 110% a preschool thing, but Monika sways to her feet and says ”bye bye duckies” anyway, waving out her whole hand in that adorable babyish clumsy way, and, fuck that was cute and very much not a sign that Monika was getting any better footing on aging up.
Okay, maybe plan A was... in order, at this point. Monika was tired anyway, Natsuki was nowhere near savvy enough to nudge her girlfriend in the right direction without letting her catch on that she was doing it and possibly making her feel unwanted, and the ducks have been properly goodbyed.
“C’mon, let’s get outta here,” Natsuki says, as casually as possible - Monika is trailing along after her, so, hey, maybe she agrees. “It’s kinda cold out, I wanna get home under a blanket.”
“Mmn... yeah,” Monika nods, absentmindedly. “Hot choc’late.”
“Yeah. Hot chocolate sounds good,” Natsuki hums. “Hot chocolate and a warm blanket and some music or somethin’. Maybe somethin’ spooky,” she grins, “Halloween’s coming up!”
“Skel’dons.”
“That song is totally not actually spooky,” Natsuki groans. “It’s the definition of silly, actually. In the dictionary.”
”Skel’dons.”
“... we can listen to it once.”
Monika seems satisfied, as she does not repeat the word “skeletons” with yet another layer of stress. Natsuki knows the little terror just wants to go bonkers on her baby xylophone rather than actually listen to it, but—
Not pushing Monika to age down right right right dammit dammit dammit. This was hard! Natsuki bites her tongue to suppress a frustrated noise; god damn if Monika didn’t seem to just be trucking right along to destination baby no matter what Natsuki did. Did the kid really want her mama this damn bad? For someone who put up a fight worth a day every time her girlfriends insisted on some tiny amount of TLC—
Aaaand Monika has stopped, causing Natsuki to also lurch to a very sudden (delayed) halt.
“Babe, what’s—“
”S’ingsedt!”
Monika doesn’t holler it - her tone is still rather hushed and she’s much closer to an awed whisper than an excited yell, but Natsuki jumps a bit anyway, glances left and right again and,
And,
... well, damn. There’s nobody else around, not wandering out in the vicinity and not taking up the dinky old swingset that’s been here for maybe millennia.
“... that... is the swingset,” she manages, stealing a look at Monika who for all intents and purposes seems to be mooning single-mindedly over the thing.
“Go, go-o,” Monika continues, now tugging at Natsuki’s sleeve since she clearly doesn’t seem to be getting the message. “Push, go go go,”
“... okay,” she sighs, another cursory glance around revealing nobody popping out from behind a tree or anything, “Okay. I’ll push you a few times, but, uh, then we really have to go home, okay?”
“Yea’,” Monika says, in a tone that says ‘nope,’ and off like a rocket to the swings she goes.
The first few minutes go well enough; Natsuki is fucking strong, if she does say so herself, and Monika does get how swings work even if she would prefer being propelled; or, maybe she’s just swinging her legs excitedly, but either way it does take a load off. Plus, Monika is giggling again, and, well. Natsuki would probably commit any kind of crime much higher than ‘publicly enjoying a playset’ just to hear that, so, there you go.
But, predictably, Monika doesn’t want to stay for only a few minutes. There might be nobody in sight now, sure, but Natsuki is quite aware that at some point someone is going to meander past; this is weighing a bit on her more than it seems to be weighing on Monika, who is enjoying being swinged (swung?) in a rather carefree manner.
Eventually,
”Nuh, again!”
”Fi’ more min’ts,”
”Again again again!”
Natsuki’s arms are about ready to give out, and she thinks she’s used up so much universal karma willing nobody to stroll in through the park gates that she’s going to be reincarnated as a weird bug in the next life.
“More pushes,” Monika whines, but Natsuki is seven kinds of exhausted and, she suspects, Monika is at least two (if the yawning is anything to go by). Huffing and puffing, she rests her arms on her knees and shakes her head - Monika lets out a frustrated little whine but otherwise doesn’t press, and Natsuki spends a long minute catching her breath.
“No, no, we gotta— haaaaaah— get outta dodge, Mon,” she finally manages; but when she looks back up, Monika is staring distraught at the dirt with tears in her eyes.
Oh, fuck.
“Ah— Monika, Monika, hey,” Natsuki says, rushing urgently over to Monika and putting a gentle hand on her knee. “Why the tears? We got to—“
“W-Wanna swiiiinnnggg,” Monika whimpers, tears bubbling over without a second’s pause - leans forward and plants her face miserably into Natsuki’s chest as her shoulders start to hitch, grabbing around the back of Natsuki’s jacket as the pink-haired girl’s heart sinks. “Wa, aant M-Mama, a, hh— j, jus’ want—“
A hiccup, a frustrated noise.
“Iunn ooo,” she groans, snuffles, and Natsuki - fuck - Natsuki finally starts understanding, a bit, not to mention a bit too late. “W’n M’ma swinggo hommme, w, w’nna, hhg-c,”
“Oh, angel cake,” Natsuki sighs - wraps her arms around Monika, rocks her carefully as best she can manage. “You are having a hard time right now, huh.”
Monika nods. She’s not wailing, she’s not even really cry-crying, but Natsuki can feel the want to brimming underneath and she really does have to get Monika home, so she can. Stepping back a little bit, she gingerly pulls up on Monika’s shoulders - thankfully, the other girl stands up without much more fuss.
“C’mon, kiddo, let’s get you home,” she says, looking up at Monika with all the care and concern she can muster. “You’re looking mighty cold and definitely, a hundred percent, in need of a blanket and a hot chocolate and—“
She pauses. Monika sniffles, rubbing at one of her tear-stained cheeks with a fist.
“And, I think, a cuddle,” Natsuki finishes.
(And breathes a sigh of relief, this time, when Monika nods.)
“Monniiiie, ‘sukiiiiii, we’re hooooo— aaah???”
“Natsuki, dearest, Monika, we— oh.”
Sayori and Yuri are more than a little astonished to walk in on Natsuki and little Monika.
Little Monika, even - sitting cozy on the couch with Natsuki, wrapped up warm in a blanket and rather dozily working away at a bottle now about a third filled with hot chocolate. Pantsless, apparently, if the muddy pair of Monika-sized jeans abandoned in the general direction of the laundry room was anything to go off of.
“Aw, see, told ya they’d be back any minute,” Natsuki says - to Monika, who relinquishes the bottle the moment she lays eyes on Sayori, leaving it forgotten on her lap as she stretches out her arms near-frantically.
“M-Maamamamamamamamama—“
“Woah, hey, sweetie, I’m right here!” Sayori assures, quickly coming over to sit in an easily-huggable position; which, once Monika latches onto her, she can quite clearly recognize that Natsuki’s even managed to get Monika into a—
“She, uh,” Natsuki says, looking sheepish and somewhat perplexed and extremely, incredibly fond all at once, “We went out on a walk and she decided she wanted you. Um. That she wanted Mama,” she clarifies.
“She... outside,” Yuri says, slowly. “Out in the park. Outside?”
“Went and said hi to the ducks. Made me push her on the swings hard enough to get my cardio for the next week and a half,” Natsuki affirms, “Outside. Cried a little bit, ‘cos, uh, she really really wanted you, but not too bad. Uhh. Said we’d have hot chocolate when we got home ‘cos it’s cold as b— anything outside and,”
Waves her hands a little, quizzical.
“Came home and wanted the hot choc in a bottle and a change.”
Sayori and Yuri stare at Natsuki as if, perhaps, she has spontaneously grown a second head.
“Look, I dunno, I’m just the fun babysitter,” she says, cheeks flushing slightly. “She just—“
”Nats’ki,” Monika corrects, still pressed up against Sayori like she could hide under her ribcage.
“Look, I’m just Natsuki, okay? She just— needed— held, I guess? I don’t know. She’s cute and she wants hugs and she needs a nap. Mom away.”
“Nooooo naaap,” Monika says, extremely drowsily. This is what kicks Sayori back into gear, naturally.
“Yessss nap,” she says, instinctively, “You are sooooo sleepy, lil’ miss, you already smell like a nap and a half.”
“Noooooo,” Monika mumbles, to which Sayori affectionately pets her cheek.
“Yeeesssss. How ‘bouts you and me go have a nice snuggle and finish your bottle upstairs in Mama-‘n-Mommy’s big bed, hmm?”
“Nnnoookaaaayyyy.”
“Good girl,” Sayori praises, sweetly. “And Natsuki can tell Mommy allll about what a nice day at the park you two had and what a good, sweet baby you were, mm?”
“Duckies,” Monika murmurs faintly, toddling docilely after Sayori as they head up towards the bedroom. Sayori gasps softly.
“Did you see the duckies?”
“Mm...”
...
And then, in their absence, Yuri turning seriously to Natsuki.
“All of it. Every detail.” She says, simply, sitting on the couch with an expression that radiated a negative amount of nonsense.
Natsuki blanches.
Ahhh, fuck.
(What a day at the park, indeed.)