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Tommy was curled up on his bed, in his bedroom, in his base. Blue eyes that once shone with lively light now stared blankly at the ceiling, lacking the life that had once been so rich within them. Skin that once seemed healthy was now pale, as if sickening alongside the boy’s mind.
“He died in disgrace, exiled by those who called him Hero.”
“Tubbo?! He’s lying to you!”
He really did end up like this huh? He might not have been exiled yet, but he probably will after the new talk with Dream. Right now, he’s left to doubt himself, and drown in memories he’d rather forget. He wondered what people would think, hearing the painful and broken laughter that tore itself from his throat as they walked past. He wondered what they’d think, seeing the tears stream down the boy’s face and the broken shaking that wracked his body. He wondered what Tubbo would think if he saw him, mirroring the process Wilbur went through and destructive tendencies filling in his mind. He wondered if anyone even cared enough to get close.
Tommy had bothered enough to keep his home tidy so when Fundy checks up on the regularly scheduled inspection, he won’t suspect a thing. Well, Fundy’s probably always suspicious, but at least he won’t suspect him more. Tommy didn’t feel like keeping his shit in order. He wanted to trash the place, to claw his way through solid stone if need be. To claw his way out, to get himself away from this place that confines him.
“I heard there was a special place
“Where men could go and emancipate
“The brutality and the tyranny of their rulers,” Tommy’s voice broke as he kept expecting Wilbur’s voice to be alongside him, guiding his voice to not go off key and teasing him when he did anyway. Goodness, he didn’t even care about his discs anymore. He’d trade the world just to have his family back, just to have Wilbur back and Techno to stop being enemies with him and Phil being the Father to all three of them-
He didn’t know when he shakily stumbled into the main area of his base. His chests were mostly empty after Dream blew it up and ruined most of them. He hated that Dream got off scot free from it. The roof is easy as fuck to repair, why were they throwing such a fit over it? He was mad and he was sad. He hated this server, he hated how all they did to sacrifices was scorn them and shun them and let them be buried under mounds of history-
He had punched the window, shattering it. If nobody heard him before, they certainly did now. It was loud, or was it loud only to him? Shards of glass cut into the boy’s arm, but he didn’t care. Pain felt numb to him, the only things he could register was the hot tears rolling down his cheeks. He couldn’t even feel the blood rolling down his arm, the pain that bit at him and the cold wind that found its way inside. His blonde hair was a mess and his blue eyes were brimmed. He could faintly register the alarmed noises from his fellow server members. He sat beside the window, out of sight as glass littered the floor. He gripped one of them in his palm, it would serve as some sort of weapon against people he didn’t want to see.
“Tommy?” He thought he could hear Tubbo’s voice from outside. He tensed, he didn’t want to see him- He didn’t want to see anybody from L’Manberg right now- He didn’t need them to yell at him for being reckless and causing a commotion and being selfish and childish and was he not really still a child??
“Leave me alone,” Tommy’s voice sounded more raspy than he thought it would, “Just- Leave me alone.” He curled up further into the wall, dragging more bits of glass with him. He thought a strangled sob tore its way out of him, but he wasn’t sure. He didn’t even want to stay in this plane of existence- Why can’t he be like Ghostbur forgetting all the bad things?
He was grateful Tubbo didn’t try to say anything else. There were several moments of silence, aside from his choked sobs, the footsteps of people approaching and distant conversations, before someone gently pushed the door open, unlocking it with a quiet click. Tommy snapped his tearstained face up, pointing the sharp end of the glass shard at the intruder, but dropped it once he realized who it was.
“Tommy- Oh Notch, Tommy-” Phil carefully stepped towards the boy, kicking away stray glass with his shoe, “It’s okay- It’s okay- Nobody’s going to blame you, nobody’s going to hurt you, it’s okay, you’re okay……” He repeated that over and over in a comforting way as he approached the boy, who broke the moment Phil was within hugging distance.
“I miss Wil,” He choked, burying his face in his Dad’s chest, “I miss Wil- Not Ghostbur, the actual Wil. I miss Techno, I miss him teaching me to fight and- and the potatoes and- Dad I miss them- I miss having big brothers so bad…… I couldn’t give less of a shit about the stupid discs, I want them back……” He felt a comforting hand run through his hair, soothing him as he downright bawled into the comfort of his Father.
“I hate this SMP so much- I hate it so much-” Tommy continued forcing out the words he had been longing to scream, “All this shit has done was- was rip apart our family a-and oh fuck. I hate this place so much I hate it I hate it I hate it here- I gave up my relationship with Techno and Wil for the damn place I hate it I hate it here I want to go back Phil I want to go back- ”
“Tommy- Tommy listen to me,” Phil replied in a steady voice, “We can go home, yeah? I can drag Techno and Ghostbur back - they have no choice if I want them to - But you have to let me fix you, yeah? Step away from the glass, okay?” Warm hands gently guided the boy away from the mess he created. The blood and the fatigue finally registered and the pain in his arm from the cuts caused by the glass throbbed.
“Mhm,” Tommy mumbled, “I’m tired, Dad.” His eyelids felt like drooping, both from physical fatigue and the fact that he’s so tired of his SMP. He’s so so tired.
“It’s okay, Tommy. You can sleep.”
With that, Tommy let his eyelids drop, his breathing even, his limbs relax and his mind drifting off into dreams of a better time.
If only they could turn back time.
---
It hurt Phil to see Tommy curled up in the corner, blood running down his arms, seemingly numb to the pain. Tears stained the boy’s once lively face and his blue eyes were filled with such sharp pain and hatred. His hair was more disheveled than they had ever been. It somehow hurt worse to see him like this than it was when he was first on his deathbed after Dream shot him that accursed bow duel.
It hurt even worse to hear his boy vent all his thoughts, completely ignoring the group of L’Manberg citizens standing nearby within earshot. All he could do was run his fingers through the boy’s hair and hold him close like he did when Tommy got nightmares as a kid, and Wil and Techno were just teens. His heart clenched harder with every word spoken about their family left to rot in the wind, their members scattered with their broken minds and even further broken hearts.
“It’s okay, Tommy. You can sleep.”
The boy had drifted off almost instantly, relaxing into the arms of the man who raised him. Phil carefully held the sleeping boy as the two navigated out of the mess of a place Tommy’s base became. He looked so peaceful despite the blood and the tears still wet against his cheeks. Was Tommy wrong, though? They were all fine before it, albeit a little drifted apart, they at least did not hate each other, none of them were dead, at the very least.
“We have a place in L’Manberg-” Tubbo began, but Phil cut him off.
“You heard Tommy,” Phil’s reply was careful, but he did let a little anger and regret slip into them, “He hates it there. I don’t think it’s good for him to wake up in the place he hated.” The land the boy once looked with fondness and admiration, now only struck him with disgust and hatred because of sick turns of events. Phil winced at his wording and at the expression Tubbo took. Maybe he could’ve worded it better? Sugar coated it a bit to taste less bitter?
Tommy’s wounds weren’t that bad, the boy was just asleep probably because he hadn’t had any for days and was mentally strained with mental pain from recent events. Phil skillfully bandaged the boy’s bleeding arm, before pondering on where he could go. Definitely not his base with the mess he made, plus, Tommy probably associates that place negatively now, being placed on House Arrest for so long. Pogtopia, Wilbur went insane there, not ideal. Techno’s old base? From what Tommy sounded earlier, he missed Techno despite the ‘betrayal’. There’s probably some supplies Techno left behind after moving, too.
---
<Ph1LzA whispers to you>: Techno come back to old base please. If you find Ghostbur on the way, make him come too.
<You whisper to Ph1LzA>: Okay, but why?
<Ph1LzA whispers to you>: We’re going home.