Chapter Text
No More Dreams
Practice, practice, practice. Everyday, without a single day off, it's always practice. Dance practice, vocal practice, greetings practice, all kinds of practice. Yoongi didn't sign up to be an idol. He is supposed to only be a producer. Why does he have to practice so damn much? He only ever agrees on being a part of a hip hop group with four members that doesn't require any dancing and only have minimal movements. How did he end up in a group of seven people that have not one but two hard as hell choreography that need to be performed for their debut day? This is not a part of the agreement at all.
What's up with their tacky group name anyway. Bangtan Sonyeondan. Just thinking of it already makes him cringe, how will he introduce himself as one of the members out loud in front of hundreds of other people?
Well, not like he can do anything about it now. They are set to debut in June which is three months from now. He has tried saying out loud by himself for his first log like how the other members had done. He thinks he did fairly well. The log comes out okay and already has a few views. All the comments aren't that bad, no one has really said anything negative about their group yet. Although they've been told not to look at them, he can't help himself. He has to know how others are perceiving them. All in all, maybe he can get used to their name if he says it a few times, though it might not be the same as doing it in front of an audience but hey, it's good to practice. He just has to fake it till he makes it.
Yoongi thinks he can accept their name with time but there's no way he can execute their choreography no matter how hard he tries. The songs for their debut single album are already finished and recorded, all that left is the dance and the music videos. They will shoot two music videos to promote their two main singles, No More Dream and We Are Bulletproof Pt.2. They are supposed to shoot them already but haven't yet as Yoongi keeps messing up his steps by making the same dumb mistakes. The production team doesn't want to waste their time and spend their limited budget recording failed music videos so they pushed the date back for two weeks, which will really strain their schedule. Yoongi feels bad for being the cause of their delay.
He already done the best he can, staying in the studio long after their practice session ends, asking their tutor for extra guidance yet he still can’t execute them. He stays inside the dance studio from morning until late night, sometimes not even coming back to the dorm but why can't he get the stupid dance right already? Hoseok has put all of his effort to help create the choreography, showing them the moves one by one, teaching them every little detail. He has done it so effortlessly too, making everything look easy but it's not. It's hard, very hard. He has wasted months learning how to dance only to fail when the time comes. He's not a dancer by all means, so is Namjoon, Jin and Taehyung but they're not making the same mistakes as he does. They're not delaying the shooting like he is. They're not getting scolded from their instructor like he is.
Why is he there in the first place? He's just holding them back by this point. He is sure that they will be finished with the production by now if it wasn't for him. Maybe they can do other important stuff, like promoting their group, by now. Seriously, why is he here?
As if his non existing dancing skill isn't bad enough as it is, he's also having some kind of a break down every week. He doesn't know the details but he does know that his memory has holes in them. It will usually happen when he's practicing by himself in the studio or when he's forced to rest at home.
One of the members will burst into the practice room in the middle of the night and hauls him back to the dorm, ignoring all of his protests. They will force him to eat dinner, filling his empty stomach with food before making him sleep. The maknaes will stay with him in his bed, making sure he doesn't get away. When morning comes, the others will go out for work, either dancing, singing or composing while he is stuck inside the dorm. The members (Jin) will go as far as taking his set of keys, preventing him from getting out but that's not really necessary as most of the time he'll be too tired to do anything. If he actually has any energy left, they wouldn't even be successful in dragging him back. They can try all they want but Yoongi is too stubborn for that. He will never take a break out of his own volition.
He lets the members think that he spends the day sleeping or resting but that’s not true. He doesn't know exactly what he does but he'll usually find himself surrounded by papers with indecipherable scrawlings or maybe drawings. Whatever they are supposed to be, Yoongi can’t figure it out. It's way too indiscernible, like a baby's scribbling, to even try making sense of. Sometimes, if he does sleep, he will wake up to Namjoon's ryan dolls and his own kumamon in his hold. His kumamon is more for decoration instead of hugging, the same goes for Namjoon's although he does snuggle with them sometimes, but that's not the point. The point is Namjoon doesn't like other people touching his stuff, no one does, so like any other sane people would've done, he returns everything to their respective places and acts like nothing happened. Who cares if he misplaces a few stuff, the dorm is a mess anyway. No one would've noticed anything amiss, or so he thought. Someone did notice but we'll get to that later.
He can still accept the two times he blanks out inside their dorm even if it's weird but he can never accept what happens inside the practice room. He is supposed to be perfecting his movements, even though he's tried it a thousand times, when he gets caught dancing to the freaking tomato song and by Hoseok too. One moment he is revising for No More Dream and before he knows it, someone clears their throat, catching him off guard. It takes him a while to recognize who it is and for him to register the song playing. Yoongi has never felt his heart dropping as low as then especially after he sees the shocked look on the boy's face. Nevertheless, Yoongi has made sure that the younger swears his mouth shut. He is a little surprised to know how late it is and agrees to go back with the younger, feeling a little light headed.
There are more holes in his memories where he can't identify the time they happen but no one has said anything to him yet. Maybe it's just his mind playing tricks on him which he really doesn't need right now. He has more important things to worry about, such as their music video. The two weeks extension is almost over and Yoongi still can't fix his mistakes. He knows when and where the problems are but he still can't do anything about it. He's been cooped up inside the company for five days straight now, hoping he can improve even just a little but no, nothing's changed at all. In fact, he thinks he's doing worse than before. His movements are getting sloppier and sloppier while his head feels like it's made out of rock.
They aren't supposed to be making any more mistakes at this stage, considering that they're shooting the mv the day after tomorrow. All of the members are gathered inside the studio, dancing with their instructors' help, perfecting and finalizing their synchronization. Yoongi on the orther hand, can't comprehend any of the instructions given nor can he hear them. He looks up at Hoseok, who is helping him with his steps, blearily. He can see the man's lips moving but there’s no sound coming out of them. His ears are ringing and his head feels like splitting. He wants to go home but he needs to practice. They are finally debuting, he can't keep holding them back. He can't be a dead weight. He needs to push himself further, needs to be better. His limbs feel like leads but he has to move them. He needs to get everything together. He can't mess up anymore. He needs to...
He's floating. There is nothing holding him down. He's floating mindlessly, surrounded by warm darkness. Ah, how delightful the feeling is. There's no worry, no rush, no pressure. It's just him floating in the everlasting space. Something warm lays on his head, grounding him. The warmth spreads all over his body, engulfing him whole. He still wants to float but this feels nice too. There's a wet feeling on his cheeks, whispers of sorrowful voice gently calling his name, encouraging him to open his eyes. Lights enter his vision, leaving him blinded. He squints his eyes, blinking them rapidly. He raises his right hand, getting tangled with something.
"Hyunnie ?"