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Twelve months to the day since he had laid his eyes upon her last. He remembered that last look that she had given him, one of disappointment and anger. He had instantly regretted everything, wanting to reach out to her so that she would know. Know what? What did he want to tell her? Everything and nothing, to pour his heart out, yet hide who he really was away. He scoffed at himself; hide? He could no more hide from her, than the moon could hide from the night. She had seen right through him, the only one to ever truly see him, understand him.
He had killed his Master and liege Lord for her, offered her the Kingdom, offered her everything. Yet she had refused his hand, despite fighting at his side, with him, for him. Twelve months of anger and rejection still smarted, but the need for her had never grown cold. It had grown instead, like a hunger, taking over his every thought. His Knights and spies bought back news of her and her rebellious band, yet she ever evaded him, always out of reach.
He sat staring at the stone-cold floor in what was now his throne room, empty and full of drafts. The flickering light of the candles in the sconces upon the wall bounced across the dark stone, emphasising the shadows. He pulled at his hair and growled, pushing himself to his feet with an angry, almost anguished cry. He had to find her, he had to. Living like this was far worse than his years in servitude to Snoke. At least then he hadn’t known what could be, what life could hold. He had been blinded by what he thought he wanted, what he thought he needed. He’d been wrong, so wrong. She had begged him, pleaded him but he hadn’t listened. His years of rage, anger and hurt had misled him. What if? The question that had gnawed and burned into him every day since.
−−
Twelve months and three weeks to the day since he had laid his eyes upon her last. She was exactly as he remembered, yet her countenance had altered in ways so slight and subtle as though barely there. He watched her from the trees, prolonging the moment of her serenely sweet expression. She sat on the bank of the gently trickling stream, polishing her blade absentmindedly with a ragged cloth. Her hazel tresses hung loosely down her back in soft waves, with flashes of auburn glinting in the fading sunlight.
She looked so calm, so serene, that for a moment he forgot how hot that fire within her could burn. Despite his weary form, his bruised and battered body and tumultuous emotions, he could not stop the smile that broke out as he watched her. Even if he had nothing else going forward, he would have this one moment.
It was then that she looked up, her eyes both bright and dark staring back at him. She scrambled to her feet, almost tripping over her green skirts.
“You,” she spat, holding her weapon out defensively.
Her eyes flashed with anger and with what could only be described as fear. After everything, did she really fear him? He continued to approach her, leaving the shelter of the trees. She stood her ground, not backing away but not moving towards him either.
She tried to read his expression but found that she could not. He was clearly intent on his goal, that much was clear, from the dark intensity in his eyes. Though he were dressed in the pale clothes of a commoner, he could not hide his regal bearing and power.
“Are you here to kill me?”
Her knuckles were white as they clutched the hilt of her blade. Her accusation stung, but he couldn’t blame her, could he? He kept his eyes fixed on her, shaking his head as he stepped over the stream in one stride. She hissed as he held his hands out to her, open and empty. She swiftly bought the tip of her sword up to his neck, making him stop as the sharp steel pressed gently into his skin. He noted the slight shake to her hands and the catch in her breath.
“Rey,” his voice shook and cracked.
“Answer me!”
He found now that he was there, he could not tell her what he wanted to say. There were not enough words and too many. He sank to his knees in front of her, still not moving his eyes from her face. She looked at him in confusion and lowered her weapon, though still gripping it tightly.
“Ben…what are you…?”
The sound of his name, his real name upon her lips filled him with an instant warmth. He smiled for a moment though it didn’t reach his eyes. Her eyes and forehead crinkled as she searched his expression, those dark eyes she had dreamt of every night. Eyes full of hunger, need and…
She tentatively raised her free hand to his face and gently cupped his cheek, the stubble on his cheeks feeling rough against her skin. He gasped quietly in relief at her touch, touch he had craved endlessly since he first saw her. He leant into her hand, his eyes closing as he basked in her warmth.
“Why are you here?”
He slowly blinked his eyes open, looking at her with such yearning that she could cry.
“For you,” he whispered.
Her eyes flickered as she tried to blink away the moisture gathered, the tears that she had denied herself for months. She dropped her weapon and fell to her knees next to him.
“What took you so long?” she cried quietly; her head bowed.
“Forgive me,” he whispered.
He held his breath, waiting for her to reject him, embrace him, anything. His face quivered with the storm of emotions within. Her thumb stroked his cheek before she leant forward and pressed her lips against his. Momentarily stunned, his eyes widened before he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her to him and onto his lap, her skirts covering them both as their kiss deepened. They pulled apart briefly to draw breath, hearts racing and limbs quivering as her whole face broke into a smile.
Ben in that moment realised just how wrong he had been. When he had first met her, he believed her to be pure light, bright and out of reach. Now however, he knew her to be far more beautiful than he had ever imagined. She was light and dark, a joining of the two, night and day, harmonious, like the twilight that surrounded them. As long as he were with her, he was on the right path.
“You’re coming with me?” she asked.
He nodded.
One year and three weeks to the day since he has last seen her, his mind was finally at peace, he was where he needed to be.