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Ash had trouble sleeping, this was one of the first things Eiji noticed while sharing a room with the younger. Was this really unexpected? No. Ash had experienced so much shit, night terrors was something Eiji expected would come with that.
Did that make it ok? Not at all!
Eiji hated whenever it would happen, he dreaded the nights, he could not bear seeing Ash shiver and tremble in his sleep, seeing the boy he loved cry and plead at a time when he should be at peace, broke his heart. He got no rest, no rest at all, not even in his sleep; Eiji wanted to change that.
He wanted to experience that pain in place of Ash. Eiji wanted to hold Ash in his arms, he wanted to kiss away his worries, and he wanted to provide comfort to the younger; tell him he would be ok, and make sure no harm ever came in the teenager’s way. He wanted Ash to feel loved, he wanted Ash to be happy and content with life, but how could he do that?
How could he? How could he safe the boy from the living hell he was subjected to every single day, the trauma and mental scars that he had to bear every day, the torment that at times felt like an inevitable outcome of his life; how could he do any of that when he couldn’t even calm him in his sleep and make sure he rests at night?
He was a pathetic excuse for a lover and a best friend, Ash deserved someone better.
Eiji was a firmly believed that someone as angelic as Ash did not deserve to suffer as much as he did on a daily basis, both in reality and while unconscious.
It was unfair, to put it in simpler terms, someone who suffered so much everyday deserved to have some peace while unconscious but alas, the universe and the Fates do not understand the human concept of ‘fairness’.
Eiji was never able to sleep at night when Ash would get night terrors. Eiji wanted to hug the boy, he wanted to wrap him up in his arms; ask him if he wanted to talk about his dream, promise him nothing could harm him now, he wanted to let him know that he would always be there for him, promise him things would be different now.
He wanted to do that, he wanted to do it so badly he could not express it through words, he could not express it through any form of art known to man, for he would always run out of words, he would always run out of ways to explain his love, his adoration of the boy, it was an impossible task to describe how much Eiji was devoted to him.
He would tell Ash all that, he would tell him all of this, he would provide comfort after difficult times but Ash being the difficult person he was wouldn’t like to be seen so vulnerably.
Ash didn’t like to be pitied on.
He did not like showing vulnerability. Although, in the (almost) year it had been since they met, Ash learned to show susceptibility.
Ash felt comfortable around him, Eiji was sure of that.
Despite that, he was still secretive about his night terrors. Eiji never felt hurt, he never felt like Ash didn’t ‘trust him enough’ he just wasn’t ready yet, he understood Ash would tell him whenever he would be ready. And Eiji would wait for Ash, he would always wait, he’d never leave his side, even if he had to wait for his entire life, even if he had to wait for all of humanity to end and restart he would still wait, he’d never leave Ash for his soul would always be with Ash.
It was night time, Ash came home rather late, and looking rather disheveled, more than the usual. The older let him shower quickly then they sat down and ate.
“Ash, what happened? You look awful, no offence though.”
“Don’t worry Oni-Chan. I always look like this after coming home or did you forget.” He said with a playful smile
He had that mischievous smirk on his face, the facial expression that killed Eiji. Ash always acted so stoic and cold whenever they’d be with other people, seeing him making such a childish and human expression; it made Eiji feel special, made him feel important.
“That’s not something to be proud of Aslan. Learn to take care of yourself, you big baby.”
“I mean a dirty rat like me doesn’t have a lot of things to be proud or happy about~”
Eiji rolled his eyes. “Ash you’r-”
He imitated Eiji’s voice, “Ash you’re amazing and I love you!!” he raised an eyebrow, “that’s what you were going to say?”
“Humph!” he pouted and stuck out his tongue. “I mean it.”
They both broke out laughing; it had been a while since they hung out like this.
It felt nice.
For the moment they were just dumb boys, young dumb boys in love.
For this moment there was no mafia chasing them, there was no Golzine to constantly worry about, for this moment they didn’t have to worry about a huge government conspiracy because right now it was just them and no one else, they were each other’s worlds, they rest of the world could be falling apart but they wouldn’t care. Life, for this short fleeting moment, was perfect.
For this moment it was only them, them against the world.
That’s how Eiji saw it, he was sure Ash felt the same.
Then came night time.. .
It was around two am and Ash was snuggled up in his bed, a warm blue blanket covering him up, he looked delicate; an ethereal angel wrongfully trapped in this world.
Their beds were quite close to each other’s, only separated by a tiny table, it’s existence still irked Eiji, he wanted to close the gap between their bodies, he wanted to hold the angel sleeping next to him, he wanted to feel his warmth, he wanted to shield the perfect being that took form in Ash from the wicked and vile acts of this tainted and imperfect human world.
It was unbelievable that Eiji could grow so fond of some boy he had known for what a year, he didn’t think you could love someone so dearly in the limited amount of time he had known Ash but no doubt what Eiji felt for Ash and what he knew Ash felt for him was love in its purest and most authentic form.
Eiji wasn’t exactly tired, he just lay wide awake in his bed staring at the white painted ceiling, just trying to contemplate what had happening this year, he grew used to it sure, but it still baffled him; baffled the Japanese boy that he met someone like him, baffled him he could call the secret angel his lover.
With that he turned his head to face Ash’s unconscious body. It was dark. But Eiji could make out every line of his body, every crease; he could make out each and every one of Ash’s golden strands, he could see his pretty long eyelashes resting peacefully. His face wasn’t towards him but on expecting the boy closer, Eiji could see his body trembling and shivering, he could make out incoherent words and muffles escape the blonde’s mouth.
He was having another nightmare, another night terror.
Eiji felt discomfort not doing anything, he wanted to extend his hand to the troubled boy, but Ash would not want him to do that.
He just weakly stared. Of course that did not lessen the pain that came with seeing half of your soul quietly endure tremendous emotional and psychological pain.
Five minutes passed.
It felt like a century had passed.
He was still lying immobile in his bed just staring.
Ten more minutes passed.
Ash started to sob loudly, Eiji wanted to help but Ash wouldn’t want that.
He knew the latter wouldn’t.
Ash had started to whimper. Before all Eiji heard were vague sentences that Ash would usually say when he would experience this, he heard Ash say names he had not heard before but then he unexpectedly heard something he did not expect Ash would say.
“Eiji….Eiji…” distressed pleads mixed with a lot of crying for help found way out of Ash’s candy lips.
That was all Eiji needed a stamp of approval.
He threw his blanket of off him and rushed to his troubled beloved.
Ash’s milk pale face was painted with crimson, which was concentrated around his nose and eyes.
Eiji sat down on his knees on the floor besides Ash’s bed, his body facing him. Extending a hand to shake awake the boy, Eiji whispered yelled - softly somehow – near Ash’s ear, “Ash wake up! I’m here! Ash!”
“Ash wake up! I’m here!”
Ash jolted upwards as though a strike of lightning went through him, with his leopard like instincts he grabbed tightly Eiji’s arm, which was wrapped around his left bicep, about to twist it; he looked at the supposed perpetrator, it was Eiji.
His face visibly softened, he let out an aspirated sigh “It’s just you.”
When he first woke up, Ash tried to conceal his face but now he had his guard down, he was now staring directly into Eiji’s forestry umber eyes with his ocean ones.
Just looking into Eiji’s soothing eyes, taking in his comforting smiles, the enslaving feels that came with being in the same room as him, the intoxication that would come with taking him in, it had him hooked.
Ash found comfort in them. Eiji’s eyes were warm, they were comfort itself, they were familiar yet a part of them were still unexplored, unfamiliar, though it didn’t scare Ash it didn’t make him feel alienated in any way, it just made him curious; curious about the boy in front of him, the boy who he contemplated as his saviour; though they were close.
Of course they were but Eiji was still his own person with thoughts, thoughts he wouldn’t exactly voice. Ash wanted to know every inch of him, he wanted no part of the latter to feel unexplored; he didn’t want any part of his soul to feel foreign.
They both knew each other pretty damn well.
They were soul mates after all.
But naturally, a part of their self would be hidden from the world, it was natural, it was expected but Ash didn’t like it. He and Eiji… they were more they just soul mates according to him, though he couldn’t exactly explain the feeling.
But right now it had felt like he had spent aeons in Eiji’s hypnotizing eyes but technically it had been ten seconds.
“Ash, what happened?! You were-it was worse, way worse then it normally was. You even called for me.”
“…”
“Ash-”
“Nothing Eiji. I’m-It was fine.”
“No it wasn’t, you know that. Just tell me. I promise it’ll make you feel better.” His eyes were dripping with concern.
“Eiji it’s nothing.”
“Ash. You know that’s not true!”
Ash let out another audible sigh and re-adjusted in the bed making space. “Come ‘ere at least,” he said with open arms.
Eiji let out a small smile that wouldn’t be noticed by most.
But Ash noticed.
He noticed everything about him.
Eiji sat in the space between his legs. Ash wrapped his slender arms around the older’s dainty waist, who cupped Ash’s hands with his own after pulling Ash’s blanket over them. The younger propped his head into Eiji’s neck, rubbing his cheeks against his warm honey like skin.
This was perfect, well as perfect as Ash’s life could ever get, he did not want to pay mind to anything but the boy in his arms.
The perfectly imperfect being in his arms.
They stayed like that.
“Ash…aren’t you gonna tell me are you?”
He sighed. “You really aren’t gonna leave me until I tell you? Are you?”
“Pretty much.”
“Well, this- ah it was different. Firstly you were in this nightmare.”
“Me?”
“Yea.”
“But I thought I was the cause of most of your dreams?” a shit eating grin resided on Eiji’s face though Ash could still sense his uneasiness and readiness to want to know what happened. He was just trying to lighten up the darkened room, Ash appreciated it.
“Ah shut up, do you wanna hear me or no?”
“I do!”
“Well firstly there was this one man I knew. He would book me at Dino’s Hotel a lot. He did things to me just like the rest-and he was just so- he had said this- ok I really need to try and think of a coherent sentence. Sorry.”
It was unlike Ash to apologize for such a minor thing, Eiji squeezed his hands. “Do not apologize Ash. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to I will always respect your decisions.”
“No! I do need to tell you! This- it, it directly affects you, no it affects us.” His eyes were glinted with shame.
“What do you mean by that?”
“Let me finish will ya?”
“Sorry I’ll shut up for the time being.”
Ash sighed for the nth time.“Ok so that man, I don’t remember a lot about him just that he would regularly have me I just tried to forget about it but this one thing he told me it was just- it was real,” his voice cracked. He sounded like he was choking back some serious sobs.
“Ash, don’t force yourself to re-live undesirable memories.”
“No, I’m fine. Long story short he told me that I could-I could never find someone who’d love me for me because at the end of the day all I was good for was short and temporary pleasure. And for the longest time that’s all I thought of myself as.”
“…” Eiji waited for him to finish.
“I just remembered that night and then you came. I know you don’t think that way; you’re the only one who’s been there for me and didn’t expect anything in return. And it’s wrong of me to-to just assume. And I know that.”
“Ash-“
“Eiji the thing is you don’t realize that I don’t deserve someone like you.” He was crying. Eiji could hear the bittersweet tears in his voice.
Eiji got Ash’s hands of off him and turned towards him, he turned around and hugged the younger tightly, let Ash rest his face in the crook of his neck. He started drawing soothing circles on his back.
“Ash, I don’t deserve someone like you. No- I don’t want to think like that. I feel like the gods made us for each other, I-I know I’m not very – ah what’s the word? – Oh yea, emotional and I don’t say many endearing things to you. Well compared to what I feel deep down.”
“Eiji.”
“Aslan Jade Callenreese, never say you don’t deserve me; you deserve the world, no- everything in the cosmos, you deserve not just that but more.”
“But all I’ve ever done is harm you and hurt you! I’ve kept you captive-“
“I chose to stay.”
“You don’t belong with me. We’re from two different worlds, I’ll only ruin you!”
“Ash I don’t care if the universe thinks we don’t belong, I don’t care if we’re from two unmixable worlds, I don’t care if spending time with you-“ he made air quotes “will ruin me then so be it. ‘Cause I’ll cross an entire continent for you, I’ll die for you, I’d live for you and if Destiny doesn’t believe in us then I’ll make her believe in us and only us.”
“Eiji, you don’t know what your sayi-“
“It doesn’t hurt that you believe we aren’t meant for each other, what hurts is that you a literal angel from the heavens believes he doesn’t deserve some lonely plain boy like me when he deserves the world, you deserve so much!”
Eiji got up from passion and at the last part he went over to Ash and cupped his cheeks; it was as though he had the world in his shaky weak arms, and gave him the most sincere smile he could give the younger.
Ash sighed, he tried to pull off a classic ‘aspirated and tired Ash sigh’ but it was more of a ‘revealed and content sigh.’
“Well Oni-chan if you think so greatly of me, why don’t you kiss me?” he had that mischievous glint in his voice the one Eiji was used too.
And Eiji complied and softly kissed the boy.
Ash was not expecting that to say the least and ended up turning a dark shade of crimson.
While their relationship had its bumps they were still in love with each other and they still found comfort and hearth on the other and for the time being that was all that mattered.