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Tommy doesn't remember dying all that much.
He knows that he probably starved to death or whatever, but he doesn't remember how it felt. He wonders if that's the same with Wilbur. He wonders if Schlatt doesn't remember the pain. He wonders.
Tommy is a ghost. He knows that. It was obvious to him when he walked back into New L'manberg. It was obvious when he saw the look on Tubbo's face, the way his eyes widened, the way he clamped his hand over his mouth. Tommy watched his best friend look physically sick, repulsed, by him. He knew that Tubbo was just doing what was best for New L'manberg, and even if he fucking hated it, he'd go along with what his best friend wanted. But when he came back, he..maybe Tubbo was just trying to get rid of him. It wouldn't be surprising.
He doesn't talk to him. Tommy doesn't talk to anyone, but he makes sure that he's silent whenever Tubbo comes to see him. Tommy used to be so loud, he remembers that. His voice was always heard, no matter what. Tommy remembers everything about his life, he remembers coming to the SMP with Tubbo. He remembers fighting for L'manberg, he remembers Pogtopia, he remembers everything. He isn't as lucky as Wilbur. He didn't get to forget. He didn't get to forget, he wasn't allowed to get an easy life. If he had forgotten, maybe he could have reconciled with Tubbo. But he didn't. He didn't forget, so he isn't going to.
Schlatt doesn't talk to him that much, not anymore. He gave up once Tommy didn't talk back. He mostly just follows Wilbur around, gently pointing out landscapes and telling him about his life. He's a much different man now, and Tommy doesn't understand why. If he was like this when he came to the SMP, this wouldn't be happening right now. Tommy wouldn't be dead. He wouldn't be angry at Tubbo. Wilbur would have stayed President, and none of this fucking shit would have happened.
It's too late for that, though.
Tommy hovers above his gravestone, eyes closed. He doesn't like to leave the graveyard. It makes him feel uncomfortable, detached. His body is here, afterall. That could be the reason why. He doesn't care enough to find out, and he doesn't have a reason to leave. He doesn't have anyone to visit, and he's fine with that. Tommy opens an eye when he hears rustling, peering down at Tubbo. Of course it's Tubbo. Tubbo is the only person who ever comes to visit him, and Tommy fucking hates it. He hates it. He can't hate Tubbo, but he wishes that he could.
"Tommy," Tubbo greets, sitting down in front of his headstone. "Good to see you, too."
Tommy stares at him, narrowing his eyes. He opens his mouth to tell him to fuck off, to tell him to get the hell out of here, but nothing comes out. The absence of noise is overwhelming, but welcome. Tommy would rather drown in the silence than listen to Tubbo talk.
"Fuck you," Tubbo whispers. "You know that I had to. I did it for both of us. I did it for.." he trails off, and Tommy rolls his eyes. Tubbo did it for New L'manberg. He never had Tommy's best interests in mind. Tommy hates to admit it, but he never stood a fucking chance out on his own. He could fight well enough, but being entirely alone drove him fucking insane. Tubbo had to have known that. He had to have known that Tommy would have died out there.
And that's why Tommy can't forgive him.
Tubbo knew. There's no way that he didn't know. He knew that Tommy needed people to survive, and he sent him off on his own without a moment of hesitation.
"I wish you'd talk to me," Tubbo stares at him. He isn't crying. The first time Tubbo came to visit him, he wouldn't stop crying. He wouldn't stop apologising, he wouldn't stop begging for forgiveness. He told Tommy how sorry he was, but that didn't mean anything. Tubbo still did what he did. He knew what he was doing. Tubbo's always been smart, he always looks ahead in the future to see how things will play out. He knew exactly what he was doing when he exiled Tommy. Tommy can never forgive him. So he didn't say anything, he just let Tubbo sob on his grave. After a few months, Tubbo stopped crying. "Schlatt and Wilbur talk to me. Why won't you?"
Tommy silently scoffs, rolling his eyes into the back of his head. Tubbo knows damn well why Tommy won't talk to him. He narrows his eyes as he stares down at his old friend, a silent fury bubbling in his chest. You know damn well, Tommy wants to say. You know why.
But he doesn't. He keeps the words to himself, opting to watch as Tubbo stares back up at him. It's a staring contest, and neither of them have to say it. Tubbo looks away first, heaving a sigh. "I'm so mad at you," he murmurs. For the first time in his life, Tommy wants to punch Tubbo in the goddamn face. Tubbo has no fucking right to be mad at him. Tommy did what he asked. He left New L'manberg, and he didn't come back until he was dead. Tubbo nods, his eyes pointed down. He looks dejected. He always leaves the graveyard dejected and upset. Tommy can't bring himself to care. Tubbo stands up, turning his back to Tommy. "See you later." He mutters, stalking away.
Tommy watches him leave, crossing his arms angrily across his chest. Tommy has never been able to bring himself to hate Tubbo. He always called Tubbo his best friend, no matter what happened. When he was exiled, he still considered Tubbo to be his best friend.
But now, he thinks, he isn't sure.
Maybe he hates Tubbo.
Maybe Tubbo was never really his best friend.
Two years pass, and Tommy is still silent.
Tubbo comes to visit him, he never stops. Every single day he comes to the graveyard. Sometimes he brings flowers, sometimes he leaves small pebbles and stones on Tommy's headstone. Sometimes he brings nothing but himself.
They have an unspoken agreement. Tommy is never going to talk to Tubbo again, and they both understand that. Neither of them are able to move on, and neither of them can forgive each other. Both of them understand that.
And so long as they can't move on, they're still linked. Tubbo still has a reason to be in Tommy's life. Tommy still has a reason to stick around in New L'manberg. Tubbo has given up trying to convince Tommy to talk to him, which Tommy is thankful for. It was tiring for both of them. Tommy doesn't know if he loves Tubbo, he doesn't know if he'd even consider the "President" his friend. Maybe he does, maybe he doesn't. He doesn't care either way.
The unspoken fury that's held between them is what binds them, and they're okay with it.
It's better than nothing, after all.