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Minsoo steps into the shower, relaxing his muscles as the warmth of the water fills the room, trickling down his back and cleansing him of the day’s exhaustion and sweat. Cleansing. The word means a lot more to him than it does to most.
He recalls that one day in June, back when he was sixteen. A friend of his, Hanbin, had invited him over for a day, saying he just bought a new PS3 or something. Of course, Minsoo was a gaming nut, how could he resist?
What he had been met with at Hanbin’s was not just a new PS3. In fact, it was much more than just a PS3. Hanbin had cornered him, a devilish smirk on his face.
“You won’t tell anybody about this, right? You look so good, Minsoo.”
His parents weren’t home...he couldn’t do anything about this. Minsoo had been docile that day, seeing no reason not to. In fact, Hanbin had told him, “I’ll kill myself if you don’t let me. You don’t want that, right?”
“No.” A puppet-like Minsoo had said, not objecting when the blond male ran a hand along his bare thigh, right underneath his shorts. Not crying out when he touched him in places he hated being touched in. Not even objecting once. Of course, by the time he was sixteen, he was used to this kind of sensation.
Back when he was twelve, at a family reunion. That’s the second time he remembered this kind of thing happening. His cousin, Youngsoo, was a curious boy. So was Minsoo.
“It’s fine,” Youngsoo had said to him, rubbing his legs and taking off his shirt, “We’re not really related, my mom’s adopted. It’s fine.”
“Yeah,” Minsoo had mumbled, “You sure? I don’t know if I want to do this.”
“It’ll be fine, Minsoo,” Words meant to comfort, but only frightened him more, “We won’t be in trouble, they won’t find out.”
And of course, how could he forget? The first time he had ever been touched like that. Back in the day, when Minsoo was still a child actor, playing in a drama or something, as the secret son of an idol. The director had caught him in between takes, right when his parents were taking a little break together.
“Come with me,” He had said, holding a bag of chocolates Minsoo had been eating prior to the shoot, “I have some fun things we can do over in this room.”
Minsoo went with him, bouncing along and happy, thinking, as any kid would, that he’d be getting some candy and a fun time of some sort. Well, maybe it was fun for the director. Certainly not for him.
He had taken him into a small room, gentle voice coaxing him into coming closer, touching the older man in places he hadn’t even ever learned about before.
Minsoo shivers. God, he can still remember what it looked like. Ten years or so of therapy, and he still wasn’t over it. What a disappointment. At least he wasn’t the one paying for it. Not like his parents really provided him with such expensive help anyway, they got him someone cheap to help, someone interested in the profit far more than the patient.
Then again, aren’t most doctors really like that? They’ll pretend to care, just to boost their rating, take care of whatever needs fixing and then send you on your way, a hole burning into your pocket as they count their bills, tongue in cheek.
‘Still,’ He sighs, scrubbing his toned arms with a shower pouf, ‘It’s been too long to be thinking about that. I know I’m not dirty, I’m not disgusting, I’m not ruined. It’s just hard to forget about it.’
He squeezes the pouf and hangs it up, turning to let the water get his back. He smiles.
‘As if I’d ever let those shits ruin my life. Fuck them, fuck their libido, and fuck their life.’
If there was anything Minsoo didn’t know, it was weakness. The ability to let something come crashing down on him and ruin his life. He’s had misfortunes, his entire life in fact. From these three situations, to that time Minsung completely stole his song, he’s been through most of it all.
Would he let that affect him? Hell no. In fact, he’s been learning to take these problems as challenges. You want to take advantage of me like that? Well how about you become worth my time first?
He’s decided how his life is going to go, how he wants to be.
‘No one, and I mean no one, is going to take that freedom away from me.’