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“What’d I miss?” Leeteuk asked, eyes closed. Without looking, he already knew the person by his hospital bed. Always the first to come and the longest to stay.
“Nothing much,” Heechul replied. “The kids were brilliant and funny, as usual.”
“Then what’s wrong?” Leeteuk asked. When no reply came, he raised his head and opened his eyes to look at the younger man beside him, whose own eyes were fixed on his phone, holding it in a death grip.
“Nothing,” Heechul said immediately, pocketing his phone and forcing a close-lipped smile as he looked back up at his friend. Leeteuk just rolled his eyes. “Yah.”
“What?” Heechul said, raising his voice just a bit.
“What is it?” Leeteuk’s voice was still gentle, understanding, the same voice that allowed 14 boys to unburden themselves to him for fifteen years. Heechul was one of them — sometimes, he just found it more difficult.
Heechul stayed silent. Leeteuk sighed. Stubborn.
“I’m really sorry I wasn’t there,” Leeteuk started, but Heechul cut him off. “Yah.”
“What?” Leeteuk said, staring at him. “Stop it. You know your health comes first.” Heechul’s eyes traced the IV line attached to his leader’s hand, feeding much-needed nutrients into his friend’s tired body. “You don’t need to push yourself all the time.”
“I know.” Leeteuk said, and Heechul suddenly stopped short. “You—what?”
“I said I know,” Leeteuk said, a hint of a smile on his lips, leaning back into the pillow and peeking at Heechul, who seemed to be struck dumb.
“I know because I listen,” Leeteuk said pointedly. A few seconds ticked by as Heechul finally caught up.
“I listen!” Heechul protested, defenses coming up. “You do,” Leeteuk acknowledged. “But you’re the most stubborn out of all the kids.”
“Am I your kid?” Heechul asked. “No,” Leeteuk answered quickly, sitting up and pinning his friend down with his gaze. “You’re my friend.”
Heechul pursed his lips and looked down. “So?” Leeteuk asked, bending forward slightly to get a better look at his friend’s face. “What’s wrong?”
“Damn you for being so perceptive.”
Leeteuk leaned back and crossed his arms. “I’ve got more than fifteen years of practice.”
Silence reigned in the small room, Heechul turning his head to look out the window and blink back tears. Leeteuk wordlessly reached over and gently chucked the box of tissues on his bedside at Heechul. The cardboard box hit the side of Heechul’s cheek, causing him to to chuckle wetly. “Yah.”
“I can’t reach, I’m the bedridden patient, remember?” Leeteuk said smugly. He waited for Heechul to pull out a few tissues and dab at his eyes. He was still in his Knowing Brothers uniform, which always made him look younger than he actually was.
“On Bubble today,” Heechul began, loosening his tie and taking it off, tossing it onto Leeteuk’s bed. “People kept asking why I was wearing a yellow tie.”
Leeteuk blinked, taking the tie into his hands. “I don’t understand.”
“Neither did I,” Heechul huffed. “Til I saw the kids in the waiting room and everyone was wearing blue ties.”
Ah. Leeteuk gazed at the tie in his hands. “Did that make people ask things?”
“It made them demand things.” Heechul said, exasperated. “It—it was too much, Teukkie. Asking, nitpicking over the smallest things, as if I have to report every small detail of my outfit that the Kims plan out for me anyway. The hell do I care.”
“But you do,” Leeteuk said quietly, folding up the tie in his hands. “You do,” he repeated, gazing back at his friend. “You do care, otherwise it wouldn’t be bothering you this much.”
“Was I wrong?” Heechul asked, unable to meet his friend’s eyes. “I…”
“There was a time,” Leeteuk began, “when if you would have asked me that years ago, I would’ve said yes. Yes, that the fans are always right, that a celebrity’s job is to be open, and to give one’s self over to the limelight…” He paused, gazing at Heechul, whose eyes were downcast.
“But now…now I think boundaries are important things to have.” He finished, tossing the folded tie back onto Heechul’s lap. “You were right for telling them off.”
Heechul’s head snapped back up. “How did you know I told them off?”
Leeteuk just laughed, his dimple showing. “You’re Kim Heechul, of course you told them off. I bet you apologized after too.”
Heechul just stared at him, mouth open. Leeteuk smiled and leaned back. “Close your mouth.”
“I hated it, you know,” Heechul said. “It felt like they implied that a yellow tie meant I wasn’t part of the group, a different outfit meant I wasn’t part of the guests, a different—“
“But you know that isn’t true, right?” Leeteuk asked, cutting him off. “This whole promotions cycle should have made that clear.”
“I know,” Heechul whispered. “It’s just been hard, promoting apart from all of you. I miss it.” He blinked back tears again, chuckling as his efforts were futile and a few of them escaped down his cheeks.
“I miss you too.” Leeteuk said sincerely. “These past few weeks with you — it’s been a dream.”
“But nothing’s changed, Heechul-ah,” Leeteuk continued. “You know what we think of you as part of the group. I hope you still think the same.”
“Of course I do,” Heechul sniffed. Super Junior was his home, always. It hurt to be far away from it, even if they were all just a text message away. And in Leeteuk’s case, literally never more than a few floors apart, given how they still stayed in the same complex.
“Then that’s settled,” Leeteuk said, leaning back. “Don’t let a few so-called fans tell you any different.”
Heechul took in a deep breath and let it out. “Thanks, Teuk-ah.”
“You’re welcome.” Leeteuk smiled, leaning back. “Now, tell me about the episode.”
“They missed you, if that’s what you want to hear,” Heechul teased.
“I know,” Leeteuk said wistfully. “I really wish I could’ve been there. I wanted to, but I got dizzy on set and almost collapsed.”
“WHAT?!” Heechul stood up, and Leeteuk was taken aback. “Repeat that again.”
“I really wish I could’ve been there?” Leeteuk tried, but Heechul just got angrier. “Ya!”
“I’m sorry?” Leeteuk tried again, reaching for Heechul to try and calm him down. Heechul wasn’t having it, but he did sit back down, leaning forward to rest his elbows on the hospital bed.
“And why weren’t we informed earlier?”
Leeteuk blinked. “I thought you knew."
“We knew it was for health reasons, we didn’t know it was this bad!”
“Oh, well,” Leeteuk shrugged. “It wasn’t really that bad. Just your average fatigue and sleep deprivation.”
Heechul sat back, still worried. “I’m fine,” Leeteuk insisted. “Tell me about the episode.”
“We were missing our leader because apparently he was too bone-tired from taking on the weight of the world and hiding it from us?”
“Heechul.” Leeteuk warned.
Silence enveloped the room for a few seconds.
Heechul sighed. “I just really wish you would take better care of yourself.”
“Same wish for all of you,” Leeteuk replied. “I’m sorry. It was a misstep, I’m working on it. You of all people know the end of the year isn’t friendly for our schedule at all.”
“But still—“
“Heechul,” Leeteuk said firmly. “Look, I’m here now,” he said, lifting up his IV-connected hand. “I’m clearly not going anywhere. Tonight, anyways. Tomorrow we’ve got that interview as a group and I’m not missing any more.” His leader’s voice was steely, and Heechul knew from experience he wouldn’t be able to dissuade him.
“Fine,” Heechul sighed, getting up and pulling out his iPad from his bag. “Here’s your get-well gift. Only if you promise to spend at least 8 hours in deep sleep tonight.”
“Yes sir,” Leeteuk saluted jokingly, accepting the iPad with open hands. “But what is it?” he asked, opening it curiously.
“The uncut episode from today,” Heechul said, returning beside the bed and opening the episode. “I asked the PD for a favor.”
He watched Leeteuk’s tired eyes light up as the both of them watched the episode, Leeteuk interjecting every few minutes to laugh or comment on how the members’ variety sense had improved. Two hours passed comfortably.
“Oh! My part,” Leeteuk exclaimed fondly, watching Heechul on screen dance to Super Clap. “You did well,” he said. Heechul squirmed uncomfortably in his seat. “Ah. It was nothing.”
“It’s something,” Leeteuk said, looking at Heechul with those soft eyes that made Heechul want to hide. “Don’t ever tell yourself any different.” Four seconds, one whole verse, or one whole song — it doesn’t matter, as long as you stay.
“Thanks, Heechul-ah,” Leeteuk said, laying back in bed. “For being with them even if you wore a yellow tie.”
Heechul snorted. “Haha. Very funny.”
The next day, all of them were booked for an interview to promote their anniversary and comeback. They got dressed together in the waiting room and in the normal Super Junior chaos, Heechul’s eyes never left Leeteuk, who was still looking pale from his overnight stay in the hospital.
Their stylist clicked her tongue as Leeteuk was putting on the suit. “Leeteuk-ssi.”
“Yes?”
“You’ve lost weight again. I could swear this suit fit you better last time.”
Heechul’s face hardened upon hearing that, and Leeteuk’s apologies that followed. Finally, their teams wrapped up their work, and Heechul scanned the room to find Leeteuk collapsed in one of the chairs in the corner. Thankfully, none of the members were bothering him, and Heechul was free to make his move.
“I’m fine,” Leeteuk said immediately, as Heechul unceremoniously plopped down beside him, the two of them staring blankly at nothing in particular as the members were occupied in their own noisy pre-filming routines. They noticed the two, of course, but they tended not to interrupt the two oldest whenever they looked like they were discussing something serious. Heechul hoped they looked serious enough.
“No you’re not,” Heechul retorted. “You’re pretending to be, which is fine because we all do that, but you don’t have to pretend with me.”
Leeteuk just smirked sadly, because it was true. “Sorry, I’m high on caffeine and painkillers now, and I’m trying to conserve what little brain power I have left for the interview.”
Heechul subtly scanned his friend beside him. Leeteuk seemed to be breathing more deeply than normal, his face pale and dark circles peeking through despite the layers of foundation and concealer. The stylist was right, he was thinner than before; the suit hung off his body awkwardly, like a scarecrow.
“You’re too spread thin, Teuk-ah,” Heechul admonished. “You’ve got to slow down a little.”
Leeteuk scoffed. “Look who’s talking,” he replied, taking out the show’s cue cards and going over them absentmindedly. He wasn’t even MC-ing, but he liked to know what would go on during filming, just in case.
“I mean it,” Heechul sighed. “We’re both booked, but I’m not the one booked on shows and leading a 15-year-old idol group.”
Leeteuk looked at him. “You’re part of that group though,” he said, voice firm. Heechul waved him off.
“I know. We went over that last night, thank you very much. But you’re still the leader, and that’s a responsibility no one else carries. You’ve got to have some time for yourself.”
Leeteuk straightened in his chair, silent. Heechul looked at him and sighed. “Yah, when was the last time you got a full eight hours of sleep, huh? Last night doesn’t count,” he said quickly, seeing that Leeteuk had opened his mouth to reply.
Heechul rolled his eyes and scooted closer when he didn’t get an answer. “Come on.”
Leeteuk just looked at him quizzically. “What?”
“Come on,” Heechul repeated, moving closer so that their shoulders were almost touching.
“You’re going to have to explain that to my fogged-up brain,” Leeteuk said, still confused.
“Take a nap,” Heechul prodded, checking the large wall clock. Thirty minutes until filming.
“Now?” Leeteuk asked, looking around. “Yes, now,” Heechul said forcefully, bringing a hand up and guiding Leeteuk’s head down towards his shoulder. To his slight surprise, his friend followed without protest, and he slowly felt Leeteuk’s body go slack as his friend leaned against him. Just another indicator of how tired and spent his friend was. “You’re in no state to steal the MC position with that foggy mind. Your sense is completely gone.”
“Is not,” Leeteuk huffed from his current position leaning on Heechul’s shoulder. “And I wasn’t planning on stealing the MC position.”
Heechul chuckled, and Leeteuk smiled. “Yes you were. You could do it too, but not with this condition. And I forbid you from taking on another show until you’ve had at least two weeks of solid sleep.”
“You forbid me?” Leeteuk said sarcastically. “That’s new.”
“Yeah well, maybe I should’ve done it earlier. Then you wouldn’t have been this tired.” Leeteuk smiled at his friend’s reply and subtly leaned in closer, letting Heechul’s shoulder take more of his weight. Heechul adjusted for it, smoothing out both of their suits so they wouldn’t get as crumpled.
“We can’t start controlling each other’s shows,” Leeteuk mumbled sleepily. “What would happen to Korea’s entertainment industry?”
Heechul chuckled softly. “Shut up and go to sleep, Mr. Nation’s MC. Your shows will still be here when you wake up.”
“Better make sure of it,” Leeteuk continued mumbling. “Otherwise I’ll take your slot on Knowing Brothers. I bet Hodong likes me more than you anyway.”
Heechul smiled, and waited a few minutes until he was sure Leeteuk was asleep.
“I’d give it to you if that meant you’d be happy and healthy,” Heechul whispered, leaning his head slightly to rest his cheek against his friend’s hair. “Just don’t scare us like this again.”
Heechul stayed still, his gaze warning the other members to quiet down and stay away for the sake of their leader’s nap. The clock ticked away, and two minutes before the producer herded them out of the waiting room, Heechul shook Leeteuk awake reluctantly.
“Time to film, MC-nim,” Heechul whispered, watching as Leeteuk blinked awake. His friend took a couple of breaths to re-center himself, checking quickly in the mirror behind them for any makeup retouching needs.
“You look fine,” Heechul said, standing up and stretching. “Let’s go.”
The members filed out of the room, and Heechul was about to follow when Leeteuk tapped him on the shoulder. “Heechul-ah.”
Heechul turned around and was suddenly pulled into a quick hug. Leeteuk pulled back and smiled shyly. “Thanks.”
“Aish. Don’t do that, you know it makes me cringe,” Heechul chuckled nervously, smoothing down his suit. Leeteuk just smiled, the kind of genuine smile that Heechul knew was just for him, not for the camera or any script. The one full of affection that Heechul knew was real, so much that it scared him sometimes because he knew how far Leeteuk was willing to go for him, for all of them. “Okay. Let’s go then,” Leeteuk said simply, leaving the waiting room and leading the way towards the studio.
And like he always did, Heechul followed.