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“Last one down the hill has to f*ck Eddie's mom!” Richie yelled, pedaling his bike quickly down the road.
“F*ck you Richie!” Eddie yelled, hopping back onto his bike.
“That’s cheating!” Protested Stan, taking off after Richie.
“D-don’t be gr-ross R-Richie,” Added Bill, following
“Aw I’m sorry, I don’t have your permission Big Bill!” Richie called back, already halfway down the hill. The four boys sped down the hill on their bikes, not a care in the world.
“F-f*ck! Y-ou!” Bill yelled seeing Stan speeding up in front. They were all yelling and laughing
“Hey guys wait-“ Eddie started to say, then suddenly looked at the road. There was a deep split on the road, and his bike was heading right towards it. There was no time to react. The bike caught in the split and crashed. Eddie landed on the pavement, throwing his hands out quickly. He stayed in that awkward position for a few seconds and then slowly sat up. He sat frozen staring at his bloody palms, and knees. His palms felt like they were on fire. The skin ripped off and blood bubbling into a sticky mess. His knees weren’t much better, they didn’t hurt as much, but sh*t they looked bad. Coming to his senses Eddie quickly looked around to make sure no cars were coming, and then noticed that Bill was nearly around the corner at the bottom of the hill. He then screamed.
“BIG BILL! F*CKING RICHIE!” He called after his friends. He stared in horror as Bill rounded the corner. F*ck.
“IM F*CKING BLEEDING SPAGHETTI SAUCE OVER HERE!” He screamed. He took a good look at his palms and cringed. His right hand was worse off than his left. But both stung like they were on fire and he was scared to touch anything.
He then saw Bill rounding the corner and heading back. Stan and Richie follow. Richie seemed to be speeding up.
“YOU OKAY EDDIE SPAGHETTI?!” He called as he quickly biked over. Somehow getting there before Bill or Stan.
“I f*king tore up my hands,” complained Eddie as he carefully got to his knees.
“Yeah I can see that,”
“A-are you o-okay?” Asked Bill.
“He’s bleeding f*cking spaghetti sauce!” Said Richie, trying to put on an awful British accent.
“Can’t you take anything seriously?” Asked Stan.
“Of course, Stanley. Alright Eds, let's get you over to the ER,” this time in a god awful Impersonation of Mrs. Kaspbrak.
“F*ck you,” muttered Eddie.
“Are you able to ride?” Stan asked, eyeing Eddie's bike.
“Doubt it, my handlebars will be covered in blood, and my mom will kill me. Do you know how easy it is to get an infection with a wound like this?”
“W-well can y-you w-walk it?”
“Probably.”
“Great, let's get this show on the road!” Richie said, picking up Eddie’s bike and helping him adjust.
“Thanks,” Eddie murmured.
“No problem, Eddie Spaghetti,”
“Stop f*cking calling me that,” the short boy protested.
“Got it, Eds.”
Eddie rolled his eyes and then focused on steadying his bike without getting blood on anything.
The boys started walking down the road.
“My moms gonna f*cking kill me,” groaned Eddie, seeing the bleeding was getting worse.
“I-it won’t be th-that bad,” Bill tried to assure him.
“Have you met my mom? She’ll take me to the ER, and won’t let me go out for a few days,”
“Ah she’s just a b*tch cuz she’s-“
“Please stop being gross, Richie,”
“Stan, my man, you’re no fun. Is it because you have to f*ck Eddie’s mom?” Richie said leaning in a little closer.
“F*ck off.”
“Ohhh I seee, Stanny boys got a thing for your mom, Eds. Looks like imma have to break the news to him,”
“R-Ri-“
“Sorry Stanley, but I must inform you, I’ve already f*cked Eddie’s mom.”
“Richie please,” begged Eddie, trying to avoid looking at the blood bubbling on his hands.
“Oh I’m sorry, Eds. It’s not my fault you’re cute when you're annoyed.”
No one noticed, but Stan and Bill rolled their eyes.
“W-why are y-you like th-this?” Bill asked Richie.
“Because I contracted a contagious disease from-“
“Please for once stop f*cking talking about my mom!”
“No problem Eddie Spaghetti! So Stan-“
“Don’t-“
“G-guys pl-please.”
“You’re no fun, Big Bill,”
“Oh sh*t-“
“Looks like the spaghetti is dripping down,” Stan pointed out.
“ Yep-“
“We gotta hurr-ay doctor! He’s a- dying!” Cried Richie, grabbing hold of Eddie’s bike and walking quicker.
“Je-Jesus Ri-Richie- wh-why can’t y-you ca-calm down?”
“I du-dunno Bi- Big Bi-Bill,” Richie lightly mocked.
“F*ck off,” Stan said pushing Richie. Richie, who was holding his and Eddie’s bikes, almost stumbled.
“It was just a joke. I thought you Jews could take a joke.”
“We’re not even half way home,” complained Eddie.
“That’s because Richie won’t stop messing around,”
“Y’all aren’t taking this situation seriously-“
“CAN WE PLEASE PICK UP THE PACE!” Cried Eddie, holding up both his bleeding palms.
“Wor-worse ha-has hap-happened” Bill admitted, grimacing at the sight of the blood leaking down his hands.
“Yeah? Well I can get an infection, my moms gonna kill me, and all of you-“
“Don’t worry I got you!” Richie yelled suddenly, dropping the bikes and running over to Eddie, trying to pick him up.
“Richie!” He cried as Richie tried to throw him over his shoulders. Eddie, being the shortest of the group- was thrown over Riches shoulder. Richie faulted slightly as the smaller boy grasped at his collar.
“Hey hey, hands away from my neck!”
“What the f*ck?” Cried Stan. He and Bill stopped to watch the spectacle.
“Yo-your no-not really go-gonna car-carry him ar-are you?”
“Well you’re all complaining about taking so long-“
“F*CKING PUT ME DOWN RICHIE!”
“Not happening Eddie Spaghetti.”
“Jesus Richie, are you gay-“
Richie suddenly froze. Eddie is still struggling on his back. All of sudden Eddie was back on the ground. Richie having slung him off as quickly as he could.
“Thanks-“ muttered Eddie.
“Th-there's blood on yo-your collar,”
Richie quickly brushed at his collar, his hand coming away with a few smears of blood. Saying nothing, he picked up his bike and kept walking.
“The f*ck? Are you okay?” Asked Stan.
“Shut up, let’s get Eddie home.”
“Jesus why-“
“I said shut the f*ck up, Stanley, you f*cking-“
“Hey leave Stan alone,” said Eddie “why the hell are you acting so weird?”
“I’m not acting weird! You’re the one who thinks they’re gonna get a f*cking staph infection!”
“I’m bleeding f*cking spaghetti sauce! My moms gonna kill me, and probably kill you-“
“Aw your mom would never kill me-“
“Richie!”
“Fine, fine. I’m sorry for f*cking your mom and almost offending Stan.”
“.....”
“What the actual f*ck?” Cried Stan.
“Oh come on! What do you want me to say? I’m sorry for f*king St-“
*crickets*
“....”
“....”
“...”
“I MEANT YOUR MOM!” Richie yelled, panicked, then lightly punching Eddie’s arm.
“WHAT THE F*CK MAN?” Eddie yelled, clutching his arm.
“Wh-what-“
“What the f*ck?” Stan yelled, pushing a very red faced Richie away.
None of the boys noticed how flustered he looked.
“That’s it! I’m walking ahead,” Eddie grabbed his bike roughly, wincing slightly.
“Wait, Eds-“
“F*ck you,” Eddie said, glaring at his best friend.
“Ed-“
“For once, shut the hell up Richie!” Eddie snapped.
“Good going,” Stan muttered. There was suddenly an awkward silence between the four boys. Eddie trudged ahead, leaning on his bike. Richie fell behind and let Stan and Bill go on. How could he f*ck up like that? Him and his stupid mouth. And now Eddie was mad at him. Pushing up his thick black glasses, he hopped on his bike and started to pedal slowly. Swerving between Bill he slowed near Eddie.
“Look, Eds I’m really-“
“Your sorry? Seriously Richie the f*ck is wrong with you?” Eddie asked quietly.
“I- I just um- you know uh-“ Richie froze for a second trying to think of what to say.
“I...um. Look seriously I’m sorry for saying some of that stuff and punching you.”
“Yeah sure, it’s fine,” Eddie murmured then suddenly he stared down at his bike.
“Why are you only apologizing to Eddie?”
“What? No I-“ Richie froze, causing his bike to fall over.
“F*ck!” He yelled, trying to stabilize himself, reaching out wildly and accidentally grabbing Eddie’s hand. Which caused him to panic more. He pulled away quickly and stabilized his bike.
Adjusting his glasses he laughed awkwardly.
“Since when did you become clumsy?” Asked Stan.
“Haha, good one, Stanley.”
“Yo-you guys a-are ridiculous,” Bill said, still laughing.
“Stutterhead”
“Beaver teeth”
“We get it, you're both ugly,” Eddie laughed.
“St-Stan-“
“Stan the man is the only good looking one here.”
“Hey!”
“Sorry Eds, that fanny pack is doing you no favors.”
“Yeah? Well neither are those big glasses of yours.”
“Try combing your hair for once,”
“I comb my hair everyday!”
“Do you brush your teeth?”
“Do you not?!”
“I think we broke them,” Stan said quietly leaning over to Bill. Bill nodded in silent agreement.
“You’re not my mom!”
“You’re f*cking disgusting! Do you know how bad that can screw up your teeth?”
“You want to give me a talk on hygiene? You share a bathroom with your mom!”
“And?!”
“Guys! What the actual hell?”
The two boys froze and were suddenly pulled out of their bickering.
“Do you brush your teeth?” Richie asked a very confused looking Stan.
“What?”
“Do you brush your teeth?” Eddie repeated.
“Uh, yes. Who doesn’t?”
“See! Bill!”
“Wh-what?” Cried Bill, confused.
“Do you brush your teeth?”
“Yes I br-brush m-my f-f*cking teeth!”
“Good! Richie, let me see your teeth!”
“What?!”
“Ok, what happened?”
“What?” Richie and Eddie asked at the same time.
“Yo-you gu-guys were f-fighting a fe-w minutes ago,” Bill corrected.
“You’re right! Eddie Spaghetti go brush your hair!”
“What?...”
“Jesus you guys are weird.”
“What? It’s just me and Eddie Spaghetti,”
“F*ck, my hands are getting worse.”
In a bad impression of a southern accent Richie yelled “WE GOTTA GET THIS BOY TO THE DOCTOR!”
“Have you found any bandaids?” Eddie asked from the kitchen table. Considering how Mrs. Kaspbrak would react when she saw the state of Eddie’s palms and knees- they had decided to stop at Richie's house to clean up. Bill and Stan had been called home, but said they would be back later. And with Richie's parents not home, it was just the two boys In the house.
“Nope, oh wait!” Richie jumped down from the kitchen counter and ran upstairs. Returning a few minutes later with a box of bandaids.
“I knew mom had a few stashed in her bathroom. Now let me see,” He pulled up a chair across from Eddie and looked at the wounds.
“Oh that’s bad.”
“Really? I couldn’t tell,”
“Just stay calm, I got you Eddie Spaghetti,” Richie said, opening a bandaid.
“I can put it in myself you know?”
“Your palms are bleeding,” Richie pointed out.
“Right. Yeah,” Eddie had already cleaned up the wounds with water and did as much as he could while Richie ran around looking for band aids. Carefully Richie placed a bandaid on Eddie’s left palm and went to repeat the process.
Eddie hesitated for a moment as Richie finished putting band aids in his knees.
“Why were you acting so weird today?” He asked, knowing Richie would be more calm now that they were alone.
“I dunno, I just didn’t like seeing you hurt-“
“Seriously? We get banged up all the time, especially with- It.” Richie frowned thinking about the killer clown.
“Yeah but- I dunno- you’re right I am being weird.”
The two boys fell silent. Richie stared at the floor, not knowing Eddie was staring at him.
“I’m sorry for overreacting,” Richie said after a minute.
“This is the third time you’ve apologized to me today, I think we’re good.”
“Really?” He asked looking up.
“Of course, I mean, you’re my best friend.”
“Yeah, same here,” Richie said, suddenly realizing how sweaty his hands were.
“I um- I should go find that gauze,” he said lamely, getting up.
“Ok, I should probably get going soon.” Richie went back upstairs to dig through his parents bathroom to find gauze. He came back with a small roll, which would do. He carefully and quickly bandaged up Eddie.
“There, good as new!” He said proudly.
Eddie flexed his fingers.
“My moms gonna kill me-“
“Eh, just tell her you fell into a bush or-“
“But she’ll ask about the bandages and where I got them and who I was with.”
“Well, she can’t blame a hole in the road on me,”
“She would if she could.”
Richie for once didn’t laugh and make a mom joke.
“Well… do you want to stay at my house tonight?”
Eddie considered this.
“She’ll never allow that once she sees-“
“Just call her up and ask and we can hop over to your house to grab you a few things. Or you can borrow pajamas-“ this was perfectly normal. Inviting Eddie or any of the losers to sleep over was one of the most normal things ever. Richie being one of the only ones who had a pretty normal home life was often the host of such slumber parties. Weather if it was Bev wanting to feel safe sleeping for once, or Bill tired of feeling invisible in his house. But why did it suddenly feel- different?
“Will your parents be okay with it?” Eddie asked.
“Definitely! Now let’s call up your grouchy old woman.”
After an extensive call to Eddie's mom, and a long conversation, she reluctantly gave in and let Eddie sleepover. She insisted for him to come home and get clothes. Paranoid of him getting lice. After Eddie insisting multiple times he could do without, he hung up.
“So, what do you want to watch tonight?” Richie asked. Later that night as they settled down in the pillow fort they had built.
“I don’t know, what do you got?” Eddie asked, reaching for the popcorn.
“Night On Elm Street?” Richie asked slyly.
“No,”
“Oh come on, Eds, I’ll protect you from the scary monster-“ Richie said innocently. Grabbing Eddie and giving him a noogie.
“F*ck you,” Eddie said laughing.
“Aww you’re so cute-“
“Stop-“ Richie obeyed and Eddie pulled away, looking annoyed.
“Go get the movie,” he said, still laughing a little. Richie crawled out of their fort and went to grab the movie.
“Scooch over,” he said crawling back into the fort. The two boys laid in the fort watching the movie. Eddie wasn’t as scared by the movie as he normally would’ve been. What was a horror movie compared to real life? There was one scene in particular that got both of them, leading to them screaming in unison.
“I got you Eddie!” Richie said wrapping throwing a arm around Eddie.
“I got you…”
The end.