Work Text:
1.
Wei Ying has not moved in fifteen seconds. He is staring at his phone with the whites of his eyes. Just staring.
Jiang Cheng is reasonably alarmed.
Finally, he has to smack him and demand, "What the hell are you doing?"
Wei Ying replies without looking up, "Jiang Cheng. Am I dead?"
"Unfortunately not."
"Am I astral projecting? Are we on another plane of existence?"
"What? No."
Jiang Cheng recoils as Wei Ying's phone is shoved in his face with a high pitched, "Then what the hell is this?!"
He scoffs and snatches the phone. "So you're texting Lan Zhan, so what?"
Then he sees exactly what.
>>Wei Ying
omg Lan Zhan i got my paper back from ur uncle and!!!!!! A!!!!!! take THAT
>>Lan Zhan
Stonks.jpg
Jiang Cheng...blinks.
Blinks again.
Wei Ying snatches the phone back and lets his thumbs fly. Probably something along the lines of are you okay???
Less than a minute later, Wei Ying is screeching. Jiang Cheng takes the phone.
>>Wei Ying
Did you just?????? send me??????
meme???
>>Lan Zhan
I want to congratulate you. You worked hard.
>>Wei Ying
ARE YOU OK THO?
>>Lan Zhan
theelevatedone.jpg
"Oh no," Jiang Cheng groans, "you broke another one."
"I didn't do anything!" Wei Ying shouts.
"And it's a Lan too. Qiren's gonna kill you."
"No! He did this on his own! I swear!"
Jiang Cheng sips his tea and very carefully does not question his existence.
2.
>>Wei Ying
Lan Zhaaaan
I know it's really late
but I got a question
It's 2 am, but it's also Lan Zhan. Wei Ying has every confidence he'll get an answer. Lan Zhan's just wonderful that way. And all ways.
>>Lan Zhan
theancientone.jpg
Wei Ying chokes on his own spit. He nearly falls off the bed from it. Jiang Cheng bangs on the wall and tells him to shut up.
"You shut up," Wei Ying croaks.
>>Lan Zhan
Wei Ying?
>>Wei Ying
Lan Zhan
This isn't my question but
are you good???
>>Lan Zhan
I am well. Are you? What do you need?
Is he possessed? Is that what's happening? Is there some kind of meme creature that takes Lan Zhan over to kill Wei Ying? Fuck, it might as well happen, right?
>>Wei Ying
I forgot :(
your meme punched my brain
>>Lan Zhan
I am here if you remember. Good night.
>>Wei Ying
Good night xx
Are the kisses too much? It's something Wei Ying's done before, but Lan Zhan's suddenly sending memes, so maybe the kisses did something. Maybe Wei Ying has virtually kissed Lan Zhan into oblivion.
That'd be oddly sweet.
With a sigh, Wei Ying spreads across his bed and tries not to think about Lan Zhan and memes.
Considering that's pretty much all he thinks about, he's not very successful.
3.
Two days after the late night text, Lan Zhan is reading on Wei Ying's couch while Wei Ying stuffs his face with chips and The Bachelor.
"Reality TV is just something special," Wei Ying says, "Don't you think, Lan Zhan?"
Lan Zhan turns the page. "Reality is often disappointing."
Wei Ying almost dies. Again. Lan Zhan is murdering him.
"Wei Ying!" Lan Zhan cries.
"I-I'm good!" Wei Ying squeaks, "I'm great, I'm fantastic!"
...he actually kind of is, because Lan Zhan's hand is on his back now, rubbing up and down. He's very warm, and he smells very nice. Would it be weird if Wei Ying confesses his love before he asphyxiates?
Who the hell is he kidding. Lan Zhan's not even interested.
"Are you sure?" Lan Zhan asks.
"Yep! Yeah, totally. Just, uh. Wondering where you learned that."
Lan Zhan tilts his head. "Learned what?"
"...you're joking. You made a funny. Haha."
Lan Zhan's hand presses harder. "Wei Ying, are you sure you're alright?"
Wei Ying pats his cheek. "So sweet." He can't manage anything else.
Lan Zhan makes him tea. It's like Thanos never happened. But Wei Ying knows. He knows.
4.
Experiment time.
If Lan Zhan is going to keep making meme jokes, Wei Ying wants to see just how many he knows, and why. That's the biggest question, why.
In the quad, Wei Ying finishes the water Lan Zhan had gently shoved at him. He crushes it and shouts, "This bitch empty!"
In complete deadpan, Lan Zhan says, "Yeet." Without even glancing up from his laptop. Like he says yeet every day.
Wei Ying misses the recycle bin. He also misses the logic in the universe.
"Lan Zhan...you are Lan Zhan, right?"
Lan Zhan gives him a Look.
Wei Ying laughs nervously. "Kidding, kidding."
>>Wei Ying
LAN ZHAN SAID YEET
HE SAID IT WIHT HIS OMUTH
TO MY FACE
>>Jiang Cheng
Bullshit
>>Wei Ying
IS IT THO??????? IS IT??????????
>>Jiang Cheng
What have you DONE
>>Wei Ying
WHY IS IT ALWAYS MY FAULT???
>>Jiang Cheng
I have a list if you wanna see
About, oh, two seconds from exploding, Wei Ying adds his actual friend to the chat.
>>Nie Huaisang
Huh
Wonder why he's taken a sudden interest?
>>Wei Ying
????!?!?!?!!!!! possession maybe????
>>Nie Huaisang
wy my child
as a dramatic bitch myself
i am asking you to chill
>>Wei Ying
Lan! Zhan! Said! Yeet!
>>Nie Huaisang
And you've said you wanna yeet your dick in him so???
What's the difference?
>>Jiang Cheng
OMFG SHUT UP
5.
Wei Ying has realized that he cannot conduct this experiment alone. He needs someone whose brain isn't playing Wii music on the daily. And since Jie's hours away, there's only one angel he can call on.
He unceremoniously invites himself over to Lan Zhan's place after classes, as usual. The old man's got work on campus, so he's not around, which just leaves the angel.
Lan Xichen, in all his glory, says, "Good afternoon, Wei Ying. I made cookies for Mingjue, but there's some left over."
Okay. That angel comment? Might actually be a thing. Seriously. Lan Zhan and his brother are unreal.
It's also the perfect opportunity: "Ah, Xichen-ge, you're a life saver! I only have 69 cents."
Lan Zhan, on his way to the living room, says, "You know what that means."
Wei Ying snaps his eyes to Xichen. He's gratified to see how wide Xichen's eyes have become.
Then Xichen says, with all the sympathy in the world, "Oh, Wei Ying, I'm so sorry. You don't have enough money for chicken nuggets."
...
...
Wei Ying is just. Gonna sit. For a sec. On the floor. It's a Lan-clean floor. It's cool.
"Wei Ying?" Lan Zhan calls.
Xichen packs up Nie Mingjue's cookies in tupperware and gives a cheerful goodbye.
+1.
Silence follows Xichen. Wei Ying doesn't get up, so Lan Zhan sits next to him on the kitchen floor.
"He just." Wei Ying looks at his friend's worried face. "He just did. The thing. Your angel brother did the thing."
Lan Zhan looks vaguely uncomfortable. "When I began my research, he wanted to participate."
Research.
"Lan Zhan. Did you. Did you research memes?"
More discomfort.
"Why? Seriously, why? Memes aren't...really your thing. I mean, it's cool that you're branching out, I'm just a bit confused."
"A bit," Lan Zhan replies dryly.
Wei Ying pouts. "Hey! I'm allowed to freak out! And," poking Lan Zhan's shoulder, "you haven't answered the question."
Lan Zhan looks away. He doesn't answer for a while, but Wei Ying's learned to wait. Sometimes Lan Zhan just needs a second.
Quietly, Lan Zhan says, "You like them."
"...huh?"
Lan Zhan's ears are pink. "You reference them often with your friends. You find them funny."
Wei Ying's mouth opens. Closes.
"Lan Zhan. Did you...learn memes for me?"
No answer.
Wei Ying throws himself around Lan Zhan, crying, "Lan Zhan, you're so cute! And people say you wouldn't be a good friend! You're the best!"
"...friend."
Wei Ying blinks. "Um, yeah? You're my best friend."
Lan Zhan licks his lips, which is not fair. "What if..."
Wei Ying pulls back slowly. "What if what?"
Lan Zhan takes a deep breath. "Wei Ying." He turns to him fully. "You. You are very gorgeous to me."
"...oh."
"...oh."
"...OH!" Wei Ying grabs Lan Zhan's face. "Holy shit Lan Zhan!"
"Mn?" Lan Zhan murmurs, because he can't do much else with Wei Ying squishing his cheeks together.
Wei Ying is beaming. "Lan Zhan, you are the most gorgeous to me too. You toast my buns. You whip my nae-nae."
Lan Zhan blinks, still cartoonishly squished.
Wei Ying kisses him anyway.
0.
Lan Zhan stares at his bedroom wall for a moment. But he is firm in his resolve. He is ready.
He steels himself and starts typing.
>>Lan Zhan
Wei Ying enjoys your memes. Where can I research them?
>>Nie Huaisang
Oh my child
I am here for you