Work Text:
Xiao Zhan stood beside the floor-to-ceiling window of his high rise office in Beijing, looking at the falling snow outside.
He was the owner of the successful interior design business in Beijing, a job he dedicated himself wholly, with only a handful people that knew about it. After all those scandals, he quit the entertainment world with all its glory and went back to the anonymity of behind-the-scenes design work.
Down there, the traffic was bustling with cars and people, the smell of hot chocolate and cinnamon from the staff's kitchen permeated the air. He could even hear the faint sound of people carolling.
And if he tried hard enough, he could still hear himself, seemed like aeons ago, excited at his first snow, eager to share it with the most important person in his life. 'Lao Wang, it's snowing!'
He shook his head to clear the fog inside his brain.
No regrets.
He didn't want to just sit and idle with nothing to do. He wanted to work and work and work until he collapsed from exhaustion and not thinking about anything else. That's the only thing that could make him asleep these days. Exhaustion. And not in a good way. But his assistant was adamant that he went back home to spend Christmas with his family in Chongqing.
"No job for you this christmas, laoban."
He had lied through his teeth. And Xiao Zhan knew he lied. And he knew that Xiao Zhan knew he lied.
After a minute or so of staring down at each other, Xiao Zhan gave up.
"Fine. Three days."
"One week."
"Four days."
"Six days and it's final. The ticket's been booked and I already informed your mother." He smirked.
Xiao Zhan sighed. He knew that he'd been played by his assistant and his mother, who were likely in cahoots together.
"I don't think you're giving me any leeway here, Cai Ding. Fine. Six days."
Cai Ding let out a whoop and immediately texted someone.
"Did you just text my mom? Since when you're in contact with her? Nevermind, I don't want to know."
"Your luggage has been packed and ready in the car. Your flight is in three hours. You have time to change and light lunch, which I had prepared and ready to go."
"You're that eager to get rid of me, Cai Ding?"
"Yes, I mean no, laoban, why would I? You're the best person I have a privilege to work for." Cai Ding gave Xiao Zhan a grin.
"Well, your grin kinda betrays your words, but I'll let it slide." Xiao Zhan took a small parcel from his bag and gave it to Cai Ding. "Merry Christmas, best assistant."
"Aw, laoban… thank you! Now I feel kinda guilty…" he looked mournful. "But no, please enjoy your holiday. I will take care of everything. Please don't worry." He shoved Xiao Zhan out of the office, and into the waiting car. "Merry Christmas, laoban."
"Merry Christmas to you too, Cai Ding."
-----
Later that night, he went to sleep in his old bedroom after being grilled by his family, about his work, his life, his friends, and most importantly the discussion of love in his life. In which he had none.
But he smiled through it all, before finally retreated behind the safety of his bedroom as he flicked the lighter and lit the cigarette, a treat for enduring the all-night grilling.
He saw the smoke twirled and disappear and it was like some kind of therapy for him until finally he fell asleep, still sitting on the window's ledge with the burnt out cigarette in his hand.
"...like me?"
"Mn."
He heard the hushed conversation near him, and thought it was just a dream, but it continued until he opened his eyes… and gasped.
There were two men inside of his bedroom.
Since it was dark, he could only see their silhouette, but he could tell from that alone that one of them was the same character he played that fateful summer. So the other one must be him.
"Who are you?" He tried to calm himself. This must be a dream. "How did you get here?"
The two men stopped conversing and looked at him simultaneously.
"Oh, he's waking up."
The man in red moved closer in a flash and suddenly his face was in front of Xiao Zhan's face.
Xiao Zhan gasped lightly.
He stood in front of the mirror enough to know what his face looked like.
And this man looked exactly like him, mole and all.
"Xiao Zhan, we finally meet." The man gave him a flash of mischievous grin he was familiar with, since he himself had immersed in him , many summers ago.
"...Wei-Wei Wuxian?"
He still could not believe that he looked at Wei Wuxian of all people.
This must be a dream…
"No, it's not a dream, and yes we're here for you."
What .
"What do you mean you're here for me? Is it time for me to die? You're the manifestation of my deep subconscious that will give me the most peace so I won't freak out when you reap me?"
Wei Wuxian looked at him with incredulity in his face.
"Boy, what an imagination you have!" Then he laughed. And laughed. And laughed.
Until the other figure in white touched his arm, and said with his deep voice.
"Wei Ying. Focus."
That voice.
He had a bittersweet feeling deep inside his gut, when he heard that voice. It reminded him so much of him.
"Right, Lan Zhan. It's just… boy, when he said ridiculous things with my face… that gives me some creeps. Did it give you creeps, Lan Zhan?"
"Wei Ying."
Lan Wangji said the name with a fond exasperation in his tone.
"Right. Right. Anyway, Xiao Zhan, surely you know why we're here?" Wei Wuxian sat beside Xiao Zhan on the bed. "Whoa, this bed is very soft! Can we get one of these for us, Lan Zhan?"
"Anything you want, Wei Ying."
"What do you mean I know why you're here? I haven't the slightest idea why the people who did not exist in real life come and haunt me in my own home!" Xiao Zhan pulled the blanket closer to his chest, as if fending for his life.
"Hmm, didn't we send him the memo?" Wei Wuxian tapped his chin in deep thought. "Nah, just joking, so, tadaaa here we are!" He jumped slightly on the bed, and pulled Xiao Zhan out from under the blanket. "We're here to show you the past, present, and your future! If you keep heading this way, of course."
I shouldn't have drank that third glass of wine…
That was his first thought.
"So, are you ready?" Wei Wuxian grabbed his hand tight, and the next thing he knew, he was whirled out of the bed and into some kind of black hole.
-----
He landed with a thump and soon realized where he was.
Nonononono…
It was the end of a scorching summer of 2018 when he first fell in love with a boy whose smile was brighter than the sun.
And the place that he was brought upon was the place where he avoided at all cost, even in his memory.
"Do you see that? The beautiful boy, whose heart you break when you cruelly turn him down and not admit that you love him as much as he loves you?"
Wei Wuxian pointed at the scene that was unfolding before them.
The field was hot under the scorching sun. There were dog tail grasses all over them, and white windmills were turning slowly on the background. It was like they were in a different world, a different time, with only the two of them and their young love against the world.
He remembered he was chasing him with the dog tail grass and he was screaming in fear because he thought it was a bug. It was back then when they were filming the last scene of their character's separation.
Little did he know that dog tail grass meant a love confession from his hometown. Not that he would confess to him anyway. Guess it was just a subconscious gesture from his part about what he truly felt inside.
But when he confessed his love to him, for real, in a nervous, stuttered words of his , he was scared.
This was getting real.
Not some harmless flirtation they did all the time on the set, the kisses they stole between the take, even the casual sex when they were too absorbed in their characters.
Characters bleed, they said.
No, this was real.
Xiao Zhan, a decade younger at that time, turned around after rejecting the heartfelt love confession from his costar, half running away to prevent him from seeing his tears.
"I-I just don't want to be a burden to him. He's still so young, with a lot of opportunities for him… unlike me…" his voice faltered.
"And yet he was always there for you, even if you rejected him so many times. He was the one constant thing in your turbulent life."
Wei Wuxian snapped his fingers and it took them to another time.
And it was worse this time.
He was alone in his apartment, his eyes red. It was the aftermath of the worst thing that happened in his life, when his phone rang. It was him .
He let it ring with no intention to pick it up. He was so tired with all the calls and messages, he just wanted to be left alone.
But, like a masochist he was, he pushed the button to replay the latest voice mail, against every fibres of his being. It was like a drug, how he missed him . Although it hurt him just to hear him talking.
'Zhan-ge, I know you're there, pick up.'
Then the second one.
'Zhan-ge, please pick up, I'm worried about you. Are you okay? Please pick up."
Then the last one.
'Zhan-ge, I know you probably don't want to hear from me, after… anyway, I'm still your friend, and I will be here. Just… I'll be here, Zhan-ge, always. Anytime you need me, all you have to do is just call. I'm just a call away. Call me, Zhan-ge, please..."
He smiled at the stutter, which he always did when he was nervous about something. And the assault of the memory wiped his smile away.
That was the last call from him , because after the scandal, he changed his phone number and left the entertainment world. For good.
It's better this way.
"You think it's better for everyone, but have you ever thought about what he thinks? You're just blindsided him in… everything. Do you think because you're older then you have the right to decide for him? "
Wei Wuxian's eyes became red, the Yiling Patriarch mode.
Xiao Zhan knew he was angry. Just like he was angry at himself even after all this time.
"Wei Ying."
Lan Wangji put his hand to Wei Wuxian's lower back, as if to soothe him. Then he looked straight at Xiao Zhan.
"What you did, was stupid."
Don't I know it.
"How… how is he now? Can you take me to see him?"
He hated how pathetic he sounded, but he had to know if he was happy.
"Why don't you see for yourself?"
Wei Wuxian snapped his fingers and it took him to another scene.
It was another scorching hot summer, but different this time.
He was in some kind of racing track, where a race was in progress. Without much explanation, he knew right away that he was in one of his races. He looked around for a while and there he was.
Tracer85 .
He was leading the race by a mile, when suddenly another racer bumped into him, and they were both flying out of their bike and into the ground, rolling around a few times, but he managed to get up on his feet. His bike though, would not start.
Xiao Zhan let out a loud gasp, and he clutched at the window that overlooked the race, wishing that somehow he could protect him .
He tried a few more times, then he left the bike on the side of the road, kicking the grass along the way. How he wished he could protect him from the pain and helplessness he must be feeling now. Xiao Zhan knew how much this race meant to him.
"Is he… is he alright?"
He wanted to scream, and shouted. Please be alright, please be alright…
"He is fine. For now."
Xiao Zhan turned to Wei Wuxian.
"What do you mean, for now?"
"This is not his first rodeo, and it's not gonna be the last. Especially with how he takes every challenge anyone throws at him."
" What do you mean by that?"
He had this bad gut feeling.
"He quit the entertainment world soon after you did, and now he's a full time daredevil. He would travel around the world, taking challenge after challenge, and it gets more dangerous every time. How do you think he will fare?"
With a whirl, he took Xiao Zhan to a dark changing room, where they could see a lone figure sat in the corner, hunched, obviously crying.
Xiao Zhan moved closer. He needed to touch him. He needed to know if he' s alright.
But when he was right there, he froze.
There was another person there, and he didn't notice her because she was embracing him in a tight hug.
"It's okay, baobei, it's okay, you will win the next one, I assure you. You will do great in the future." She kissed the top of his head fondly while her hands soothed his back by making small circles, a gesture so intimate it clenched Xiao Zhan's heart.
"Why are you showing me this? He moved on, he had a girlfriend who will be there for him. Why are you showing me this?"
He didn't realize his tears had flowed freely on his face. Not until his sight was blurred by it.
He wiped it off violently with the hem of his shirt.
"You really are stupid, aren't you. That's why we came to you. To open your eyes and see the reality that you caused him. "
He snapped his fingers again and this time they went to another place.
This time it was a springtime, and they were outside a small house overlooking the city. It was the only house within the sight and there were sunflowers growing everywhere.
I want to live in a house surrounded by sunflowers' fields…
That was a silly little daydream. The one where he talked to him about, between the takes, when they were still filming.
... with white picket fences…
There were white picket fences around the house.
... and a lot of space for dogs and pets and kids to be running around freely…
This place was the place out of his dreams.
"He planted every single sunflower here himself."
Before he could reply to him, the door to the house was opened from inside, and an older gentleman came out with a few children running around him, chatting happily. There were also a couple of dogs, golden retrievers, running around the kids, barking loudly.
The old man smiled, and his eyes crinkled. He was a very handsome man, who resembled him so much, Xiao Zhan's heart ached with longing.
"Is that him? " He looked more closely. "Looks like he is happy with a big family, and dogs…" and a house in the middle of a sunflower field…
"Are you sure?"
There was a hard tone in Wei Wuxian's voice. The one that hadn't been there before.
"Look again."
Xiao Zhan moved closer to him , and there it was. The tiredness and the dark bag under his eyes. The sadness inside his gaze. And the instinctive touch of his hand to the familiar necklace around his neck.
The ox necklace he gave him many years ago as a token of his love.
Then the kids waved him goodbye as they ran down the road, back to their own homes, leaving him alone with the dogs.
He patted the dogs fondly, scratching behind their ears and the belly, then he walked back inside the home.
Xiao Zhan followed him.
Are you happy?
The question hung in the still air, yet nobody answered it.
He filled the dogs' bowl with water and food, then he took a hat and a walking cane from behind the door, then went outside again. This time the dogs didn't follow him.
He walked outside, following a path to the edge of the house, and Xiao Zhan saw a small tombstone.
Was this his wife? How romantic of him to bury his wife near his home…
But his breath was caught when he read the inscription on the tombstone.
《 Here lies a wonderful, kind-hearted, selfless man, the one with the most beautiful singing voice and heart bigger than the ocean.
Xiao Zhan, you are forever loved. 》
"He fought tooth and nail to bury you here, next to the house. Your dream house, remember?" Wei Wuxian appeared beside him, Lan Wangji followed a step behind. A true epitome of lifelong partners and husbands.
He saw from the corner of his eyes that he crouched down, and cleaned the tombstone from the stray leaves, with love clearly shown in his eyes.
Xiao Zhan could hear him talking in a low voice, murmuring his love and devotion to him. Even after all this time...
"Zhan-ge, this year, all the sunflowers bloom perfectly, and I know how much you love sunflowers." He put down a bouquet of freshly cut sunflowers in front of the tombstone, replacing the old ones. "I only wish that I could give you all this when you were still alive instead of now. But I will take what I can get, ge." He then pressed his forehead to the tombstone, eyes closed and sighed.
"I think it's going to be sooner now, when I finally can meet you again." He touched the tombstone in a loving stroke. "It's getting harder to wake up every morning lately, knowing that you're alone out here." A single tear escaped his eyes. "I love you, Zhan-ge, I-I miss you so much... I truly wish we can meet again in our next life, and I will pray it will be better than this one." His hands shook so much from the grief that's clearly shown in his whole body. Big fat tears started to fall down on his face. His beautiful face was marred by age, grief, and sorrow.
This time, Xiao Zhan could not hold back his own tears.
Why, Yibo? Why? I did it all for you… for you to have everything you should have, not like this… not like this…
He reached out to touch him, when everything disappeared and he was back at his room in Chongqing.
Tears were flowing down his face, and he felt his heart threatening to jump out of his ribcage with the regret he felt, and he broke down and cried on the floor, clutching to himself.
"Why? Why are you showing me that? WHY?" He screamed and yelled and cried and felt like dying. The grief was still fresh from the picture they painted him of his future. The future where he apparently died alone. Not only that, he dragged the love of his life down into the life of misery.
While all along, he just wanted him to be happy.
"To show you how stupid you are, throwing away a chance of love and happiness just because you thought that he would be happier without you."
He didn't have a good answer for that, because he knows they were right.
"I thought…"
"You thought that leaving him would make him happy, but did you know that his happiness was, is and will always be you? "
Xiao Zhan felt someone kneeling down beside him, and he thought it was Wei Wuxian. Then he heard that deep voice.
"You should understand the depth of love that he has for you. Just like what I feel for Wei Ying." He said the words with his typical expressionless face. "Even after sixteen years, my love doesn't change. And it won't change. Just like what he feels for you."
Xiao Zhan felt a light pat on his back.
"What should I do? Tell me… I love him, more than life itself. I don't want him to be alone and suffering like that because of me. Tell me, tell me please… I will do anything… if only… if only I could go back to tell him that I love him as much as he loves me…"
"Well, there you said it!" Wei Wuxian twirled his flute in his hand. "Since this is christmas and all, why don't we give you a…let's call it a christmas present? Right, Lan Zhan?"
"Mn."
"Now, this will all be up to you, and you only got five minutes to go and fix your past or future, although I'm leaning toward the past since that's when your stupidity ruined everything…"
"Wei Ying."
"Fine. Fine. Now tell me. Where to?"
Xiao Zhan thought about it for a second, and decided.
No regret this time.
-----
He woke up with a jolt to the same view, his bedroom in Chongqing. And judging by the sound outside, it's still around the night before christmas, just like when he left them all last time he remembered. Although the difference was that he was naked this time around. Or maybe he just took off his clothes before he fell asleep.
He looked around to find everything was still the same, and the bed was still empty except for himself.
He sighed loudly.
So it was a dream after all…
Then suddenly he heard a loud thump, followed by someone's cursing in korean, from the ensuite.
His heart was racing, and hope bloomed inside his soul.
Could it be…?
The ensuite's door opened with a sharp bang, then the most exquisite creature came out from inside, wearing nothing but a collar. With a little red tie on it.
"Merry Christmas, Zhan-ge!" He jumped on the bed, and wrestled Xiao Zhan until he was on top of him.
"Here's your present. Would you like to open it now?" He gave him a scorching hot look, while his hands roamed the length of Xiao Zhan's naked body.
"Hmm, I see you like my present…" he wiggled his butt and pressed it hard on the length of Xiao Zhan's hardness.
"Yibo…" Xiao Zhan touched the face that haunted him for years. "You're here…"
Yibo raised his brow in question.
"Of course I'm here, Zhan-ge, where else would I be?"
Xiao Zhan did not answer him, instead he hugged him tight, then he whispered something unconsciously in Yibo's ear.
" Wo jia xiansheng… "
Yibo froze. Then he pushed Xiao Zhan away from him, while looking at him intensely.
"What did you just say?" His eyes were searching for something in Xiao Zhan's expression.
"What? I-I'm not…" Xiao Zhan blushed. He didn't think Yibo would hear him, but he did.
"Say it again."
"... Wo jia xiansheng ." He was so embarrassed, his ears turned red.
"Again." Yibo's lips were now only a breath away from his own.
" Wo jia xiansheng …" he covered his now reddened face with his hands, only to be removed by the bigger hands slowly.
"Did you just call me your husband?"
Yibo's face was so close to his, and he could see how his eyes darkened and his pupils were blown.
"..... uhm, yes?"
There's a beat of silence, and the next thing he knew, Yibo pinned him down on the bed, his mouth was all over him.
"Do you mean that?" He bit his earlobe, coaxing a moan from the older.
"Yes… yes I mean it… I love you, baobei, and I guess no better time than today to call you my husband…"
"Well, Zhan-ge, you ruined my surprise then."
Yibo took the small box from underneath the bedside table, and opened it to reveal a simple platinum ring inside.
"I was about to propose to you in the next minute , before you went and ruined it by calling me your husband."
He took the ring, and then slid it into Xiao Zhan's ring finger.
"Well, better late than never… right?" He kissed the tip of Xiao Zhan's nose, who started to bawl his eyes out. "Oh, and I don't accept any answers other than I do."
"I-I…" he was speechless, only looking at the ring. Blurry because of the tears.
"Say yes?"
"I-I… yes, of course yes, a thousand times yes…" he hugged Yibo tightly. "I was speechless because I have a surprise for you too…"
Xiao Zhan took a small identical box to Yibo's from under his pillow, and opened it to reveal a single platinum band, almost identical with the one Yibo gave him.
"I engraved something inside." He showed Yibo the inside of the ring. "Zhen Qing Shi Gan… with all my heart and soul…" then he put it in Yibo's ring finger. " Wo jia xiansheng."
"Funny, ge, how we thought of the same thing." He took the ring from Xiao Zhan's finger and showed him the identical engraving inside.
"Well…" he touched his forehead to Yibo's, "I guess we are meant to be after all…"
"Forever yours."
"Forever mine."
-----
"So, Lan Zhan, do you think that those two will be alright?" Wei Wuxian twirled his flute around his fingers while he draped his body on his husband, peeking into the strange crystal ball in front of them.
"Mn. I think they will be fine, Wei Ying." Lan Wangji touched his husband's back fondly.
"Good, I really hate to see our doppelganger suffering like that, can't they just be honest with themselves? Like us?"
"Well, it took us sixteen years and your death before you finally admitted your feelings." Lan Wangji sipped his tea calmly. "In a way, you both resembled each other."
"Right, how stupid was I back then, not acknowledging my hot husband right away." Wei Wuxian pouted.
"You're just in denial. Just like him."
"Funny how our lives intertwined like this…" he took a sip of his Emperor's Smile. "I hope they will have their happily ever after, just like us."
"Mn. Just like us."
"I love you, Lan Zhan."
"I love you too, Wei Ying."