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One day, Tsukishima looked up at the stars. He sat in a park, beer in hand. The can in was unopen, there, lingering. Almost like a dare. "This is so stupid", he thought to himself.
"What did you say?" Yamaguchi softly asked beside him. His eyes gazed as well at the thousands of different sparks in the sky. He was there. Of course he was; he brought the beer, he suggested it. Although, that didn't mean he had drunk from his own already; not at all. In fact, he hadn't even touched.
"Nothing." He lied to his best friend all the time. He lied to everyone, really; sometimes it was necessary.
They stayed quiet for way too many minutes after, but that was just them; that's how they liked it. Silence wasn't bad when the air was chilly as it always was at night. It felt like there was no one in the world but them and the freezy night.
"Could you open that for me, please?” Yamaguchi said out of nowhere. Tsukishima didn't get it, he didn't understand his friend's weird behaviour; but it wasn't like he would question it. He just did as told, not that he always understood himself anyway.
Tsukishima effortlessly pried the can open with a pop. The bubbles popped. He passed it to along to the one waiting for him to do as requested, and automatically put the beverage to Yamaguchi's lips. He drank.
Gulps were heard one after the other; and when he swallowed, his friend's Adam's apple was too obvious not to notice, but Tsukishima refused to look. He wouldn't, he looked at the stars instead.
When finished, Yamaguchi made a funny face.
"It sucks."
Tsukishima only rolled his eyes. "Why did you drink so much then?"
That was a good question. Why? Why were they drinking at all? It didn’t matter, so he didn’t answer; in the end, they weren't supposed to do that in the first place. "Want what 's left?"
To that, the blond skeptically grabbed the can offered, only to realize what was left was far more than he imagined. It wasn't as heavy as when he held it before, but he could say there was still half, maybe one full quarter of it left.
He put it on his lips in the same way and in the exact position the other boy did. He chugged it all down his throat. It burned. It tasted awful. It did suck. But he didn't stop, he finished it. When he dropped the can, Yamaguchi was looking at him the way he refused to do before.
For some reason, both of them didn’t start a follow up conversation. They only waited patiently to see if one can of beer was enough to have an effect on them. After some time, that didn't seem to be the case, so Yamaguchi pulled another one from his bag and opened it himself.
"Give that to me," Tsukishima interrupted right before Yamaguchi was about to drink again. It wasn't a favour, but the latter didn't seem to care about his tone; he only did as asked.
Beer now in hand, the boy swallowed it all down; fully, no drop left. He double checked it was empty before putting it away.
"Wow, Tsukki," was Yamaguchi's usual mesmerized tone. The taller just gave him a side look. The eyes reflected half annoyance, while the other half was under influence of the drowsy feeling kicking in.
Yamaguchi snorted at that without care that he did it in front of Tsukki's mad eyes, unusual behaviour considering he usually wouldn’t mock him so clearly, always being the one to protect him. Leaving that behind, he repeated the same procedure, but now it was his turn to chug the whole beverage. He did so easily and in some way he didn't seem as affected as Tsukishima was. Nevertheless, don’t be fooled, that was only at the beginning.
They continued through what was left, exchanging the drinks in between the two. At some point, positions switched; Yamaguchi went full of smiles while Tsukishima kept an upright face, still in his senses enough to fake being not affected. Still and all, it seemed like the latter had drank less. They laid down, backs 100% on grass.
"Tsukki." Yamaguchi called in between out of place giggles.
"Yes?" He replied in an unbothered monotone voice after gulping what was left of his beer.
"Why did you say yes?" The lively boy positioned himself so all of his body pointed towards the taller one, he seemed comfortable; but weird.
"Yes to what?"
Yamaguchi's finger drew eights over and over, getting closer to his friend's arm. "You know what I'm talking about, Tsukki, you are not dumb."
Tsukishima spoke the truth, "I really don't."
The other sniggered as if he was planning something evil, “wanna know, then?”
Calmly, no doubt when he answered, “not really.”
But for once, his friend was being oddly persistent; “I know you do, Tsukki, you wanna know, right?” He touched the other's hand so playfully superficial. “Come on, don’t try to act so smug now, that’s so not cool; look at me a little closer and I will tell you.”
In reality, if Tsukishima wasn’t feeling as floaty as he did, he wouldn’t have paid attention to what his best friend demanded, but that was not the case that night.
He rolled over himself, facing the other’s way. The freckled boy finished the last can of beer before he pulled his friend in by the waist, bodies now near each other. Not even once the blond’s eyes fell on his friends through the glasses. Even when plastered, he was determined to look away, to keep his immaculate look.
“Why so close?” Bothered he asked, it didn’t come out like a complaint, though. Admittedly he did feel a little out of the water with his childhood friend so close to him, overwhelmed; but it wasn’t unfamiliar. In fact, the position reminded him of all those times they slept close to each other in the same single size bed at the age of 12. So truly, it was just a question.
Turnt out, his curiosity was meaningless. Merry Yamaguchi beamed and whispered, “so that you can listen to me better.” His smile was bubbly and big, stinking warm breath on the taller boy’s nose. Tsukishima’s only response was another eye roll. “You see,” he began, “I’m asking why you said yes to drink beer with me.”
Again, Tsukishima could lie like always, but clearly, he wasn’t being himself. “Hm.” He paused, taking his time; not really whispering, but speaking in a lowered tone voice. “I wanted to see how you would act when wrecked.”
Yamaguchi kept giggling, eyes fluttering close, nose crunched up, a fist punchinh the other's chest, “what? Is that it? You just wanted to see me wasted for fun? No other more reasonable explanation?”
The comment made him furrow his brows. Yes, the brunet was right; but unlike himself, he kept being honest, no snarky comment or sarcasm noted. “That and I thought it would be worse if you were to get smashed alone or with someone else.”
Yamaguchi’s smile grew bigger, “that’s funny coming from you, Tsukki; you are basically saying you care about me.”
The blond looked away. “Of course I do, is there anything wrong with that?”
That was the cherry on Yamaguchi’s happiness.
“No, just strangely straightforward,” he chuckled and pointed out, ending the whispering talk, but the voice remained velvet smooth to the ear, “you might be more wasted than you seem.”
Tingling redness creeped on the usual light tone cheeks. “Shut up,” mental blurriness didn’t stop him from saying his usual phrase.
Notwithstanding, the boy was too gleeful to be bothered, “I’m sorry, Tsukki, you just made me really happy.” He said spontaneously, not thinking it twice.
The compliment, on the other hand, was received with a squint of eyes and a fix of glasses. He sighed slightly annoyed. “You know, Yamaguchi, I may act on logic a lot, because clearly emotions and intuition aren’t my thing.” His friend laughed at that statement. But it didn’t interrupt him from continuing his lecture. “However I’m just as dumb teenager as you are. Sometimes I think like you forget that.”
Yamaguchi didn’t seem to be taking it seriously, probably alcohol’s fault. “What do you mean, Tsukki?”
“I mean, I have my things, my feelings; you have yours. You look up to me too much when I’m not that important.” His voice sounded slightly irritated, but Yamaguchi knew better. It was only self deprecating. “I personally think you should give yourself more credit, and you should realize I’m just like anyone else.”
Knowing what his friend was going on about, he made sure to highlight. “I don’t follow you around, Tsukki, not anymore; you are just important to me.” Under the glasses, the pupils stayed unfocused. Someone seemed to notice that. “Why don’t you look at me?” He grabbed the blond’s face, tilted so that he could see the other better and then smiled wide.
Truth be told, Tsukishima could have broken free; he didn't. “I thought I was lame.” He retaliated instead, reminding him his words from that day.
“Hm,” the tan skinned hummed, “that as well, some days you really are lame.” Even when the glasses guy started the conversation, he could barely hold in the gasp caused by his friend’s honesty, to some extent feeling betrayed; but what really took his breath away was what came next. “I like you like that, though. I love you, Tsukki.”
“What?”
Freckled boy didn’t seem like going to address his friend’s questioned face at all. “How about you? Do you think I’m cool? Do you like me?” Moreover, he tugged the other’s clothing, pulling him closer even further. That was not friend’s territory, and as tipsy as Tsukishima felt, he couldn’t help but be taken aback at the start.
“What do you mean? Yamaguchi, what are you doing?” He tried to push him away a bit, but he really wasn’t putting in much strength; had drinking weakened him?
“You don’t?” The brunet turned quickly to a sad puppy face, almost like an actor on display. For all that Tsukishima knew, his friend could be faking it.
“That’s not it, Yam-”
“So, you do.” His grin came back again, as if it had never faded in the first place.
Tsukishima could have done many things to escape that situation, many. In fact, sober Tsukishima would have never been in that position in the first place. Despite that, he wasn’t really there yet. So only a deflated sigh was what could help him in that moment to process his own words.
“I do.”
Yamaguchi exploded, becoming eager like never before. But who could blame him? Even through the bubbly behaviour, he knew this was his one and only chance, he had to take advantage of it while he could. “Which part: you do find me cool or you do like me?”
Tsukishima didn’t hesitate. “Both.”
“Really?” His smile was bright and all over the place.
By then, the glasses boy stopped looking at the starry sky, finally having the courage to confront all that he held inside, probably thanks to the booze which clouded him enough to stop his usual train of logical thoughts. “Yeah. I’ve already told you before, right?” Rather, he felt inclined to reduce part of the little space left, focusing on the galaxy dust sprinkled over the other’s cheeks. “I think you are way cooler than me.” And added, “I like you a lot, Tadashi.”
Need not to say anything else, Yamaguchi leaned in and kissed him. It was a fleeting moment. A little chicken’s beak. Softer, fluffy, fugacious. Adventurous so that they would enjoy, but small so that they could completely blame it on the alcohol tomorrow morning. Better more, insignificant enough so that they would forget, memory locked in a famous blackout memory.
Maybe that would have happened if they left it at that, but they were just dumb and tipsy teenagers after all. This time, they both leant on the other at the same time, seeking to flavor a bit more of the beer on each other’s lips. It wasn’t a taste they liked, it sucked to be honest; yet they couldn’t help wanting more from how it made them feel. No matter that they didn’t know it from each other, both of them had been yearning for a moment like that for the longest time; so when it came down to it, it made sense why the whole action developed so raw and so endearing as it did: they needed to make the most of it while they could. The desperation to kiss faster and bite more seemed like a good temptation they fell for when they had just begun eating from the affectionate feast. Time had frozen as they wished, and they had decided to make the most of it, filling in what they missed in a journey of simmering touch.
Therefore, as the kiss developed, the shorter guy took the chance to caress his favourite blond curls. He had always adored them, ever since young; since that one sleepover when he had the luxury to feel them for the first time. Howbeit, in contrast to back then, now he could play with them to his heart’s content; his fingers intertwined with a different hair every three seconds, each twirl more valuable than a gold coin while all the same feeling softer than a lion’s well treated mane.
In the same way, the taller boy embraced the slightly smaller body by the waist, pulling him closer the way he had been restraining himself through the whole evening, probably for forever now. Regardless of his hate relationship with physical intimacy with other people, all only because it was his best friend who we were talking about, he now craved to touch more. Not only that, he wanted to see every star in the universe which laid on his friend’s back; the ones he would peek at once or twice whenever they would change their uniforms in their club’s locker room, the same ones he would remember as he looked at stars, the ones that brought them together all those years ago. The difference, he had no more need to feel shame for engaging in such behaviour; such repulse turning into joy.
In minutes, they both merged nicely, and it felt like they had it a long time coming. Since when did each other’s company begin to represent something else than a friendship? Which was the exact moment when they could pinpoint the start of the millions of looks, the tense and comfortable silence, and the overflowing need for a bit more of each other? Well, they couldn’t think about that right now, head full of other things. More importantly in any case, there laid another question. If their fuzzy minds had a hard time processing what the heightened senses perceived, were they not aware of what happened? Not really. At that moment, both Tsukishima and Yamaguchi knew that this was something they really wanted. In their heads, it wasn’t a mistake, nor was it the horny influence of the alcohol. Even when not fully clear headed, they had enough control to decide whether to participate in the desired act. But then, there was a problem on each of their minds: what if the other wasn’t as awake as they were?
As a result, Tadashi abruptly stopped when Kei held his jacket and pulled it off even the tiniest bit away from his shoulders, the other hand at the end of the back of his shirt right about to sneak under it. His friend then realized, upon seeing the glazed eyes beyond the humid glasses, what they did.
“Oh, no, I’m so sorry, Tsukki.” He backed first, suddenly feeling completely dried out. He held his hands to his mouth in disbelief, horror. “I’m so sorry;” he said and muttered to himself, “no, what have I done?” Yamaguchi sat upright, and his friend followed, still feeling dazed.
“It’s okay,” he answered calmly, cleaning the fog on his glasses with the hem of his shirt. Yamaguchi looked back at him, and by then he was already accommodating the object on his face.
“Of course it’s not okay, Tsukki!” Panicked charged his sentence, “I, I kissed you! While you were drunk, I took advantage of you. Do you not understand what that means?” He shook the other by the shoulders, but the boy in question didn’t seem to be affected by it.
He sighed. “Listen, Yamaguchi, it’s okay. You were also drunk; arguably, you were in worse condition than I was and I took advantage of you.” He said as if only stating fact, but he didn't sound calm anymore, resigned fitted best. “If that was the case, I’m sorry. It’s really pathetic of me to have done that.”
“No way!” The worrywart boy didn’t seem to believe it, nor was he swallowing any of it. “You didn’t take advantage of me, I was lucid! I promise.”
Whereas Yamaguchi appeared too shaken to even move around, the blond merely fixed his clothing. He gathered everything, all the empty beer cans, and saved them in the bag they brought; figuring beforehand it would be easier to throw it away later that way. Everything ready, Tsukishima stood up, cleaned the dirt on his jeans, and offered his friend a hand. For a second, the brunet boy only looked at the taller silhouette before actually accepting the help to stand up as well.
As they walked towards the nearest trash can to drop the evidence of their mischief, Tsukishima finally spoke up. “I was lucid as well.” He didn’t even turn Tadashi’s way. “I mean, my head is kind of fuzzy, but I could tell what was going on.” He snorted, “seems like I have a high alcohol tolerance. Who knew?”
Freckled boy jumped again, concerned; “how are you sure? Maybe you are still under the influence of it and that’s all drunktard talk.”
He didn’t raise his voice, but it came out restrained, frustrated enough so that it leaked through. “Now how do you know you were fully conscious as well?”
“I,” Yamaguchi didn’t have an answer to that.“I guess you are right about that.”
Tsukishima puffed, “that’s what I thought.” He finally threw away the whole bag and turned around to face his friend.
Although Yamaguchi wasn’t really small, he did look like it when he was all trembling, hands fidgeting, and head low. His mind was nowhere and everywhere at the same time, clearly having a hard time focusing.
“Hey,” Tsukki sounded soft for a change, trying to ground Yamaguchi to reality. “Where are you wondering off?”
His friend stammered. “Well, you know.” He struggled to find the way to put his thoughts into a coherent phrase. “I said what I said, and you said that as well, so I was wondering if…,” he took his time saying every word, to which Tsukishima listened remarkably patiently. “If that means we like each other.”
Yamaguchi didn’t notice due to the darkness, and even if he did, he would presumably conclude it was due to the beer that got to the other’s head; but the glasses boy was flushing when he said the following words. “Pretty much.”
As stunned and euphoric as he was by the sudden confession, he couldn’t really believe it yet. “That also wasn’t drunk talk then?”
“What about you? Did you mean it?” His friend counterattacked, trying to speak reason into him.
Yamaguchi automatically shook his head. “I did.”
For the first time that night, Tsukishima's eyes glimmered moonlit and he let the corner of his lips turn up; like his face always glowed when he was a child. “Me too.”
Maybe they both took a second too long staring at each other in utter bewildered and ecstatic emotion. A minute had passed before the confession entered their system, got processed and actually settled down at the back of their stomach. When the enchant finished, they were both filled with embarrassment. They looked away rapidly, crimson red and frantic.
After what felt like forever of tense awkwardness, it was the tanned skinned who blurted. “That means it wasn’t bad.”
Trying to recomposture himself, Tsukishima scuffed. “What exactly?”
“...Inviting you.”
The boy tilted his head, puzzled. “It wasn’t bad inviting me?”
His friend nodded. “I felt bad, because I thought that if I hadn’t told you about drinking together, then none of this would have happened. I could have just kept it to myself, or something.” He kept rambling, “but well, that wasn’t the case, so it’s alright now. I mean, not really; because I don’t know where that leaves us, you know? Like, are we still friends? We like each other, so are you... are we together? Should we?” He began to actually feel nauseous, something crawling out of his throat. “All of this is a lot, and I’m still feeling a little high, so I’m not so sure if this is the way we should be doing things; and I might vomit.”
“Yamaguchi,” the blond patted his friend’s shoulders in what little did he know of comfort, “calm down.” He effectively silenced his friend. “Breathe slowly, okay?” Reluctantly, he did as told; and in a way, the cold air entering his lungs started to take effect and helped all the tension go down. “Better?”
“Hm.”
“You know, Tadashi?” he called him by his first name again and mumbled. “As much as I’d like to settle it now, you are right on the fact that we shouldn’t talk about this while we are like this.” Tsukishima made sure to add a snarky comment to help Yamaguchi relax. “Let’s just take our time with it, it isn’t like any of us is going to suddenly disappear tomorrow, this is not some weird sci-fi story.”
At the usual cool tone, freckel’s boy chuckled slightly, although still feeling his whole body stirring against him. “So we should cross the bridge when we get to it?”
“Yes, when we get to it” He reassured him. “There’s no need to lose our heads over this. For now, let’s just enjoy ourselves as you told me you wanted.”
Sure, Yamaguchi had been comforted by his best friend before, but he never saw him as sweet as he was then. He was so fazed by the sudden change that for a moment, he could only nod, giving himself time to let the voice of reason slow his own thoughts.
“Okay,” he tried to get accustomed to what was going on, “so shall we stay here a bit longer?”
Tsukishima went back to his usual tone of voice, “if you want, but we can also go to your house for the night.”
As much as the brunet liked the last idea, he knew better; so he asked first. “Are you still sleeping over?”
The other only shrugged. “If you don’t mind.”
The whole ordeal was bizarre, but Tsukishima stepped forward first and led them out of the park. It wasn’t a long walk since it was all nearby in the neighbourhood, but it felt infinite. What was nice, unexpectedly, was the sudden way they actually held hands all the road back. Yamaguchi had slightly brushed Tsukishima's pinky as he looked away and that was the cue. Both palms were sweaty, yet it wasn’t much of a bother when the streets were that cold in comparison. They marched alone together and despite having had a lifetime of memories having passed the same houses everyday; there was an exceptional flair to it, it felt new.
When they were about to head to sleep, both now cleaned up, tooth brushed, cleaned face, even cologne applied all in the effort to hide their rendezvous, Tsukishima called. “Yamaguchi.”
“Yes?”
“I will go bring out your guest’s futon, I assume they are where usual. Wait here.”
Before he got the opportunity to leave the room, he got stopped. “No, Tsukki, uh.” It was sudden, but there was a tight grip around his wrist, it seemed secure but Yamaguchi’s face gave his nerves away. He stuttered. “Actually, the futon’s guest is in the washing machine, I looked while you showered, sorry.”
A second passed, maybe two. Tsukishima’s questions were at the tip of his tongue. How come was it in the washing machine when Yamaguchi knew he was coming over to sleep that day? Didn’t he tell him he prepared everything beforehand? How could someone like Yamaguchi, who made sure everything was ready once or twice before participating in anything out of anxiety, hadn’t made sure that this wouldn’t happen?
However, despite his best wishes, nothing came out, he stood there speechless. That gave time for the other to let his hand loose and mumbled in utter embarrassment. “Uhm, I was thinking that I could sleep on the floor, I don’t mind.” He muttered quickly, and looked away, almost as if trying to find the courage needed to say the following thing. “Or, we could sleep on the same bed, uh, there’s enough space.” He didn’t seem to be offering, seeming more like he requested. “Unless it’s uncomfortable for you, or anything.”
Tsukishima blinked. “Not really.”
As everything got ready, he needed to admit, his friend was being bold that day, more than usual. Maybe he was still buzzed? Probably so, must have been.
The owner of the bed got in first, followed by his friend who placed his glasses on the bedside table. Then they tucked themselves under the blankets. It felt nostalgic. That old same bed which could bring room more than enough for both of their bodies when they were twelve was now barely of any help, leaving such reduced space between each other. That was a problem for it was 2 AM and they were supposed to have a good night’s rest; and thus despite having their eyes closed and being struck by physical laziness, both were very restless and very, very awake.
“Tsukki, did you fall asleep?” the brunet whispered. The other only opened one eye.
“What is it?”
“Wanna know why I asked you to come drink with me?”
Strikingly, this time he got an affirmative answer. “Okay. Why did you?”
Yamaguchi trailed his bottom lip with his tongue. “To be honest, I’ve never cared about drinking,” Tsukishima knew that, “but I wanted to try it out I think. I didn’t want to stay curious, does that make sense?”
The blond appeared indifferent. “I guess it’s a valid reason.”
Yamaguchi rolled on his back, so that his face no longer directed his friend but the ceiling. He doubted spilling the whole truth, but he pushed anyway. “Also, because I’ve kept what I felt for so long, and I thought if I drank alcohol, I would overcome the fear of saying it.”
Tsukishima closed his eyes again. “That’s stupid. You don't need alcohol for something like that.”
Tadashi giggled, feeling put on the spot. “I guess you are right, Tsukki.”
The other continued, “it isn’t as if you weren’t brave enough to say and do whatever you wanted.” He was basically being scolded as was used to, though now he was sure it came from a place of worry; otherwise, the taller boy wouldn’t even bother opening his mouth.
Nonetheless, even if he wanted to believe he was the version his dear Tsukki saw of him, he knew how reality played out. “It worked out though.” It was almost melancholic.
Tsukishima understood what he meant. “Did it?”
Yamaguchi only nodded, but the conversation wasn’t finished yet. “What about you? Was it worth it? Seeing me wasted.”
His friend sighed. “No, it turns out you just become more loud and a giggling maniac.”
The freckled boy frowned smiling, in between finding it funny or being mad. “Are you mocking me?”
The blond was unable to care. “Take that anyway you want.”
Yamaguchi snickered the way he learnt to do from Tsukishima. “Well, you were funny; you became creepily honest. Maybe we should do this again so that I can make you speak all sorts of weird things.” The brunet chuckled at the thought.
The other only got more fed up. “This was a one time thing. We are not drinking alcohol again.”
“We?” He tilted his head towards the boy beside him again.
Tsukishima didn’t answer back.
“What if I do?”
The blond seemed annoyed, “didn’t you say it sucked?”
“I mean, sure; but…”
“There’s no point in doing it again.” He merely interrupted, sounding irritated.
Yamaguchi chortled. He wasn’t planning on doing it, not until they had the legal age at least; but he found himself surprised by the way his friend reacted. He knew it was his way of caring about him. Even when Tsukishima wasn’t one grown out to be tender, his friend always knew how to find the holes where the stubborn boy’s affection leaked through.
“Okay.” He stumbled again on the bed, feeling cheeky; almost as if he was still completely potted, “on one condition.” Tsukishima stayed silent. “You’ve got to seduce me.”
That attitude only made the one being pestered turn around, rejecting him even physically. “No.”
After a few seconds, the tanned boy saw his smirk fall off, becoming annoyed at the fact he didn’t even make the other move a bit, not even bat an eye. “Look at me.”
“I am looking at you,” he got his reply at last.
But that wasn’t enough, Yamaguchi punched him softly, “why are you blatantly lying?”
“Am not.” He whispered, an unusually playful undertoned could have been missed. “I’ve looked at you enough that I can see you with my eyes closed.”
The brunet flushed, already knowing the direction of what seemed to be an attempt to flirt, he seemed to have caught the bait. He murmured, stammering, basically imploring to elaborate, “what does that mean?”
Finally, the blond opened his eyes, faced him back one again, and spoke painfully slowly. “Sometimes, I need a break from looking at you too much, but you appear in my head even when I’m looking somewhere else. It's annoying.”
His friend’s eyes held something that made Tadashi avert blushing. He tried to dissimulate it by a crack, “someone still sounds pretty smashed.” He could only assume it, that his friend was still somewhere between the stars and the moon they gazed together so often. That being said, awareness wasn’t enough to stop his running beating heart, his thoughts already rummaging through the millions of implications that brought. All along he thought he was being ignored, but had the other been painfully conscious of him as he looked at the sky that day? In truth, he wasn’t so far off.
The taller boy smiled and looked away. “I’ve got no idea what you are talking about, I just did what you asked.”
Yamaguchi puffed; still feeling flattered, but not convinced. “Sure thing, Tsukki.”
After a minute of silence, he brought the topic back again. “Will you not drink again then?”
“Huh?” He was taken by surprise.
“I seduced you.”
“Right.” The light tone of pink deepened on top of his freckles. “No, I won’t.”
Tsukishima smiled satisfied. “Good.”
Butterflies at the pit of his stomach erupted. He wasn’t going to say it, but Yamaguchi had adored that smug smile of his for years now. So when he shut his eyes, stated to “go sleep now, because it was going to be 3AM”; he really couldn’t, still fervently awake.
He knew their relationship wasn’t what it used to be, it had changed. He hadn’t given himself the time to truly think it through, but now he could. For no matter how many cans of beer he drank, he was almost back to normal now, time and the air outside had already freshen him up. That opened the door to being overly conscious of the way they held hands, they laid together, they flirted, the way they kissed. Things he had made himself think that would never happen between him and his friend. A fantasy, a good dream at best. But it was happening now, right in front of him, and saying he was afraid of the change, the consequences it all brought, would be an understatement. He was mortified.
But in spite of that, maybe he was willing to take that step. He could see what waited at the other side of the line better than before, in a lighter shade now that he had taken a sip of what it would be, all thanks to the damn beer. Even under their circumstances, he got to admit he liked it, loved the relationship that awaited them more than he thought he would.
So he told himself he was ready to cross that bridge that Tsukishima talked about; he wanted to do so now and, truth be told, they were already pretty much there. He just needed to listen to it, say it, one last time.
“Hey.” He called the other. Tsukishima opened his eyes back again, seemingly also unable to rest; and raised his eyebrows, letting him know he was tuned in.
The shorter guy breathed deeply. He prepared himself mentally, almost as if he was in the court. He locked into something which could ground him, and he ended up deciding this time he would hang on his friend’s caramel eyes, always sharp, judging and so full of clarity, giving the impression that he always knew what he was doing. That steadiness Tsukki meant always brought calmness to the storm of a life Yamaguchi had, like a lighthouse in the middle of the furious sea. The way nothing he said was over decorated or softened; always coming up with practical ways to view life, he adored. He had his own set of rules, but having those eyes by his side had always been reassuring, a sense of admiration that pushed him to walk forward, be greater, and step ahead.
When ready to throw the bullet, he found his friend’s hand under the covers. That surprised Tsukishima but he didn’t swat it away; instead, he let their fingers intertwine, and as they softly melted onto it, he shot.
“I really like you, Tsukki.”
In that instant, the other knew both of them were completely sober all of a sudden. Determination and transparency glowed in Yamaguchi’s beautiful brown emerald eyes. In spite of himself, he reacted embarrassingly teenage-like, to which he felt disgusted by. He tried not to think about that, comforting himself on who it was for: the only boy who owned a soft spot on his heart.
He swung in a bit closer, enough to press their foreheads together the same way they would naturally when they were kids. Those times none of them did it purposely, their sleep habits moving them like so; but this was different, this they wanted, and both of them knew that much. That’s why, Tsukishima grinned slightly when he answered.
“I like you too, Tadashi.”
As if it was part of their nature, they closed the gap on another slight kiss. If the kiss was passionate when drunk, this time was soft. No wonder they both soothingly fell asleep almost immediately after, saying those words being the perfect slippery slope for a sweet dream. All of what they’ve held by themselves for years, now they shared together; letting their emotions finally stay in peace.
Kei held his arm around Tadashi’s body, and instinctively the other snuggled close; benefitting from the vulnerable side his crush showed him. Mid of all the confusion, the bumps of how they came through, they knew it would be just fine. They would be, they were together. Yet to make it official, but now they could relax as they waited for tomorrow to come, because they were home under the same star.