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Disclaimer: I don’t own Supernatural
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“Well, Cas helped.”
Who knew that all it took was three measly words to completely break the great Dean Winchester?
The three words that echoed in his head as Dean cruised along down the road, barely paying attention as he rounded a corner without even slowing down.
For all intents and purposes, he should be happy right now. He should be at peace. He was in Heaven for fucks sake, driving down an open road in his Baby, with a case of permanently-cold beer and fresh cherry pie. His Baby was running as smooth as silk, the sky above was clear and bright, and Dean Winchester still wasn’t at peace.
‘What do you want? The world on a silver platter?’ He asked himself bitterly. ‘This is more than you deserve anyway.’
But despite his efforts, he couldn’t stop the echoing in his head, or the hurt that welled up at the knowledge that Cas was alive and he hadn’t come back to him or Sam.
‘Jack became God more than three weeks before I died. Has Cas been alive for that long and not bothered to even say hi?’
Angrily, he jerked the wheel, sending his Baby flying around another corner, the beers rattling together in the back, refusing to acknowledge the tears blurring his sight, because Cas was back, Cas was alive, and apparently wanted nothing to do with them anymore.
And that hurt. It hurt more than Dean could ever have thought because he had let himself hope. He had let himself think that Cas returned his feelings, that maybe someone besides his brother loved him, and to have that hope dashed to pieces hurt.
“Stupid.” He muttered to himself, pulling the car to the side of the road and hunching over, his hands pressing into his eyes. “Stupid. What did you expect? He’s a freaking angel, Winchester. And now he’s back in Heaven, he’s back in his home, with his family. Why the hell would he spare a thought for a broken human who can’t even survive three weeks without him babying you?” Furiously, he brushed his tears away and straightened up, taking a deep breath and letting it out. There were people here he needed to see. People he needed to apologise to for a start.
He was in Heaven. He might as well make the most of it.
————
Over the next few weeks (Months? Years? Time in Heaven was hard to measure) Dean visited many different people.
He went to the Roadhouse, where he was greeted by Ellen and Jo with hugs and tears and smacks when he tried to apologise for their deaths (“Boy, you better not be taking credit for our sacrifice! That was us and only us you hear me!”).
He had drinks with Bobby and told him about their lives and the people they met (“You better not have replaced me ya idjit.” “Never Bobby, never.”)
He played video games and watched films with Charlie, who squealed and pounced on him for a hug when she saw him, before pulling off and starting to hit his arm repeatedly, yelling about how stupid he was over her death before suddenly dragging him away for a binge session (“Heaven has the best signal reception, honestly, it’s incredible!”)
He even saw his Mum and Dad a few times, though that was a lot more awkward. Mary didn’t want to talk about hunting, John didn’t want to admit that he was wrong with how he raised his sons, and Dean didn’t want to admit that any stories he told would probably upset both of them. They ended up either talking about the far past, with his parents telling their childhood stories, or talking about here and now in Heaven. Dean didn’t spend much time with them. He had his found family, that was so much better than his blood family.
It was good. It was more than he had ever let himself hope for.
But it wasn’t perfect: it couldn’t be. Not without Sam. Not without Cas. Not without Jack.
They all lingered in his mind, sometimes just at the back, a strange sense of awareness that they weren’t there but they were supposed to be , sometimes a constant ache that had him strangely silent and distant. Sometimes, there were days where he couldn’t think of anything else, when he turned to remark something to Sam, when he held something up to show it to Cas, when he found something and just knew that Jack would love it, and was hit by the sudden remembrance that they weren’t there.
Those days, he remained alone. He didn’t want to burden his friends - his family - with his grief.
Sometimes he went for a drive, just letting himself get lost in the road and the music. Sometimes he went to a grove he’d found one day and just sat, letting everything pour out of him before bottling it back up and going home.
That was another thing - he had a home now. A home he made for himself, because he wanted to. A home he built from his memories and his dreams.
Sometimes, when he came home after spending his day in the grove, he would sit at the table in his kitchen - copied from the one in the bunker - and just trace the carvings that marred the surface, selfishly wishing that he had his brother and his angel and his son here with him.
Then, he would get up, scold himself for thinking like that, and go out to the Roadhouse to chat with the other dead hunters - because even in Heaven, the Roadhouse was a hunters bar.
Sam was happy. Sam had a life, a family, down on earth.
Cas was happy. Cas was back in Heaven, back in his home, and he had Jack now.
Jack was happy. He had Cas, he was in Heaven, he was helping people and keeping the worlds at peace.
Dean shouldn’t want to take that from them.
————
Sam did eventually show up.
Dean was with Bobby when he suddenly felt the pull - the urge to get in his car and drive. His head snapped up in confusion, but Bobby smiled knowingly.
“Go on Son.” He said, patting his shoulder. “Go bring your brother home.”
A grin spread over Dean’s face, and he put his bottle down, throwing a salute at Bobby. Then, he walked purposefully over to his car, sliding into the driver's seat.
“Come on Baby.” He muttered, bringing the car alive with a growl. “Let’s go get Sammy.”
He drove mindlessly, following the pull of his brother, until he came across a bridge that looked familiar. He pulled the car to a stop and got out, walking to the edge of the bridge to peer down at the tumultuous waters below him.
He was getting his brother back. A smile tugged at his lips.
There wasn’t a flash of light or any sort of sound, but Dean knew as soon as Sam appeared at his shoulder. A grin formed over his lips, and he spoke without turning around.
“Hey Sammy.”
“Dean.” Sam choked out, and Dean turned around to see tears roll down Sam’s cheeks, a contrast to his wide smile. Shaking his head a little, not bothering to hide his own grin, Dean crossed over to his brother in two strides, pulling him into a hug. Sam’s arms clamped around him, and the two brothers stood in their embrace for a while, letting the gap that the others' absence had caused fill, heal, before pulling away and crossing to lean against the bridge railing, Dean’s arm resting across Sam’s shoulders.
They stood for a few minutes, before Dean broke the silence. “How’s your life been Sammy?” He asked quietly, staring out at the river below them.
A small smile slipped onto Sam’s face. “It was good Dean.” He whispered. “I stopped hunting after a few years, went onto giving out resources, researching information, manning phones, things Bobby used to do, ya know? I married Eileen, we had a kid. A son.”
“What was his name?”
Sam turned his head to smile at his brother. “Dean.” He said simply, and Dean’s breath caught. “Dean Castiel Winchester.”
Tears welled up in Dean’s eyes, and it was a few minutes before he could speak again.
“Is he - Is he a good kid? Live up to his namesakes?”
Sam nodded fondly. “Yeah. He does. He’s heard stories about both of you since he could listen. I think it became his goal. To live a life that you could be proud of him for. To be worthy to carry your names. He’s a good kid. Brave, selfless, caring, determined. He’s a warrior, but with a heart of gold.”
Dean smiled down at the waters. “Good.” He said softly, before they fell silent again.
“Dean?” Sam broke the silence this time. “Not that I’m complaining, but how are you here? Did you follow the road again?”
Dean laughed suddenly, forgetting that Sam wouldn’t know. “No, no, Sam. No, Heaven’s changed a lot since our last visit. When Jack took the reins he came up and fixed a few things up. Got rid of all the walls and separate Heavens and mixed everything together. Just one big Heaven now. Everyone together, everyone got their own small bit, but it’s all part of one.” Dean grinned at his brother. “Everyone’s probably waiting for you back at the Roadhouse. Bobby knows I’ve come to get you so he’s probably gathered everyone together.”
Excitement and joy flashed across Sam’s face, before a small amount of hope joined. “Is - is Jack here?”
Dean’s grin fell, and Sam’s did the same a moment later as he saw. “If he is I haven’t seen him.” Dean admitted softly. He hesitated, but added the last bit, knowing Sam would find out eventually. “Haven’t seen Cas either.”
Sam’s head shot up. “Cas?”
Dean nodded. “Bobby let it slip when I first got here. Jack pulled Cas back to help him redesign Heaven almost as soon as he got the job.” He swallowed heavily, but carried on, his voice no more than a whisper. “Cas didn’t want us to know Sam. He never planned on us finding out that he was alive.”
Dean hated himself even more when he saw the hurt he’d been carrying around slip into Sam’s features. But he hated the comfort he felt in that most of all. Hated that it eased the weight on him a little to see Sam sharing his burden.
After he spent some time just swallowing that news, Sam hitched a smile back onto his face. “Come on, I wanna go say hi to everyone else.” He called, his voice a little too cheery, a little too upbeat, as he headed to the Impala.
Dean didn’t call him out, and instead did the exact same thing, painting on a fake smile, cracking some cheesy joke, putting on his music a little too loud. They both knew the other could see through their facade, but they kept it up, knowing that if they broke now, it would take too long to put the pieces back together.
———-
Sam got a similar greeting to Dean, with a similar reaction to his apologies. The only difference was that after hitting him, everyone sat him down and insisted he told them about his life and his family - something Sam was more than happy to do. By the time he’d finished, Dean was feeling a mixture of pride that his baby brother had such a great kid, and regret that he hadn’t been there to help raise his nephew.
Sam spotted his expression and gave him a soft smile. “Don’t worry.” He said quietly. “My son knew all about his Uncles and his brother. You’d think he would have gotten sick of the stories, but he never did. He loved hearing about you.”
“And I’m sure I’ll love him when he arrives.” Dean replied, patting Sam on the shoulder gently. Sam nodded, breathing out and leaning into his hand a little.
Ellen looked over at the two brothers, spotting the way their shoulders sagged slightly, and gave a small sad smile. “You must be tired Sam. Dean, why don’t you take him home so you can get some rest.” She turned back to the others and started shooing them away. “Come on, we can catch up some more tomorrow, Sam isn’t going anywhere.”
Everyone grumbled a bit, but obediently started to leave, until Sam, Dean, Ellen and Bobby were the only ones left.
Ellen turned to Sam, a concerned expression on her face. “You good?”
Sam gave a wan smile. “Thank Ellen, but I’m fine. Just a little overwhelmed.”
Ellen’s concern didn’t let up, but she nodded and stepped back to let Dean lead Sam out of the Roadhouse.
Sam moved into Dean’s house. Neither of them had to discuss it. They’d always lived in each other’s pockets, and Sam had never lived alone in his life. Plus, with Cas and Jack’s absence an aching gap in their lives, the two of them leaned on each other even more.
Eileen didn’t try to argue when she appeared. She knew how much the brothers meant to each other, and knew how much Dean’s absence had impacted her husband. She just moved in with them, and provided a strong shoulder for the brothers to rely on.
They both had bad days, and Dean showed Sam his grove pretty early on. It became an open secret that if the brothers disappeared, that was probably where you’d find them.
It had been almost four months by the time the topic was raised amongst the boys’ family.
They had gathered in the Roadhouse to celebrate Dean’s birthday (because apparently they still did that even in Heaven) but the two had slipped out halfway through, taking a few beers with them and leaning against the car in silence.
Ellen, Jo and Bobby were leaning up against the bar when they spotted the two out of the window and sighed.
“I didn’t know it was possible to be depressed in Heaven.” Ellen murmured quietly, her eyes fixed on the two figures leaning on the car outside. Her gaze rested on their stances, their positioning, the space that always lingered around them.
The space that was supposed to be filled by a dark haired, blue eyed angel.
“Yeah, well,” Jo replied, gazing at the same thing, “since when have the Winchesters paid attention to what was possible?”
Bobby smiled wryly. “Never. In fact, I’m pretty sure they take the word ‘impossible’ as a challenge.”
“Well I wish they wouldn’t challenge this one.” Ellen sighed again, shaking her head, and thumping the bar angrily.
The thump caught the others’ attention, and they made their way over, following their gaze and spotting the two Winchesters.
“I don’t know what’s up with them!” Mary exclaimed after a few minutes of silence. “I knew Dean was in a strange way, but I was sure he’d be fine once Sam showed up!”
John shook his head, placing a hand on Mary’s shoulder. “I don’t get it either. They’ve always been fine with just each other, I don’t understand why they’re being like this.”
The others stared at them in disbelief. After a few moments where the older Winchesters stared back blankly, Bobby slowly shook his head.
“You don’t know your sons at all do you?” He stated, and they bristled with anger.
“We know them well enough!” Mary snapped. “It’s not our fault we were killed!”
“You came back though.” Jo pointed out, folding her arms. “And it doesn’t take long to see.”
“What are you talking about?” John asked, his tone exasperated.
“The fact that Team Free Will always has been and always will be a trio .” Charlie told them, throwing her arms up. “Dean and Sam may have only had themselves when they were younger, but ever since Dean was pulled from Hell, they found another. They’ve had their third for years now, and they won’t be at peace until they have him again.”
“So who is this ‘third’ then?” John asked scornfully, and Charlie and Jo facepalmed in unison.
“Castiel!” Everyone there yelled at the same time.
Mary and John blinked in confusion. “Well then get him here then.” Mary demanded, before turning and walking off. John followed her.
The others turned back to stare at Sam and Dean.
“She’s right, much as I hate to admit it.” Jody sighed, leaning against the bar. “They need Cas. We’ve got to somehow get the three of them together.”
Donna hummed in thought. “Do summoning spells work in Heaven?” She asked no one in particular.
“If I let them.” A young voice came from behind them, and they all whirled around in shock to see Jack standing there, watching Sam and Dean sadly,
“Jack!” Jody exclaimed, clutching one hand to her breast as she slowed her breathing again.
The young God looked around at them. “Sam, Dean and Cas are my parents.” He said firmly. “I want them to be happy.”
The humans nodded slowly, and Jack smiled. “Good.” He said happily. “You summon Cas then, and get Dean there. Afterwards, I’ll erect shields so that neither of them can run away.”
———
They put their plan into action the next day.
Eileen distracted Sam, waiting for the call to take him to the agreed upon location.
Bobby, Ellen and Kevin went to the location to set up the summoning for Castiel.
Charlie dragged Dean away to ‘show him something that he absolutely had to see, seriously it was awesome!’
Once Charlie was in sight of the small field they’d set up, she sent the notification to Kevin, who then started the summoning.
Dean frowned as they stopped in a field. “Charlie, what exactly….” he trailed off as he realised his friend was no longer behind him. He spun around in confusion, just in time to see a translucent barrier snap into place a second after the sound of wing beats filled the air.
Charlie met his eyes through the barrier, smiling sadly. “I’m sorry Dean.” She whispered. “But we had no choice.” With that, she left.
Dean didn’t turn around, didn’t dare. If he turned around, he’d lose control.
That didn’t help the feeling of eyes on his back, a familiar weighted stare seemingly cutting right into his soul.
They stood in silence for a few minutes, the tension between them steadily climbing, before finally a sigh broke through the quiet.
“Hello Dean.” Castiel spoke quietly.
Suddenly, all of Dean’s emotions broke free. Surprisingly enough, anger and hurt were the most prominent ones.
“Hello?” He asked, his voice low and icey. He spun around, and immediately met deep blue eyes filled with apprehension and fear. “Hello? Is that seriously all you can fucking say?” He laughed bitterly. “But then, obviously saying ‘hello’ is extremely hard for you to do, since it’s been what? A good few years since we last saw each other and not a single fucking word. Guess you’ve finally realised what everyone else has - that we’re not worth wasting your time on.”
Castiel’s eyes went wide, and his mouth dropped open. “No! That’s not - ”
But Dean wasn’t listening. He’d opened the floodgates now, and he couldn’t stop the stream coming out.
“I mean, I’d always kinda expected it ya know. You being an angel and all. Higher being aren’t you, why’d you give a damn about two broken humans who keep breaking the world? We cursed everyone we touched, either scared them off or ended up killing them, obviously you’d leave at some point, but the way you did? I mean seriously Castiel, that was a douche move. You could have at least told us that you were leaving. Had to find out third hand that you didn’t want anything to do with us. Could have at least told us yourself ya know.”
Tears were blurring Dean’s sight by this point, and at some point he’d sank to his knees. He wasn’t entirely sure when.
“Dean.” Castiel said firmly, cutting him off. The angel sank down opposite him. “Dean, no. No, you don’t understand. That’s not - I don’t - ” he sighed in frustration. “I wanted to come to you.” He said bluntly, tugging at his hair in a very human move. “As soon as Jack pulled me out, I wanted to go to you.”
“Then why didn’t you?” Dean asked, not lifting his eyes.
“Because I was afraid.” Castiel whispered. “Because the last thing I said to you…” He shook his head. “I didn’t want things to be awkward. I never expected an answer from you, and I didn’t want to force you into that situation. I know you don’t reciprocate my feelings, and that’s fine. I didn’t want an answer, I didn’t need an answer. So I thought I’d just stay away, make everything easier. That’s why I didn’t want to tell you that I was alive - because you’d feel obligated to give me a response and I didn’t want to disturb your peace when you finally had it.” Castiel sighed again, wrapping his arms around his stomach.
Dean snorted. “Peace?” He chuckled sardonically. “Happiness? You call this happiness?”
Castiel looked alarmed. “You’re not happy?”
Dean snorted again. “Sam and I have depression.” He said bluntly. “We’re in Heaven, and we have fucking depression.”
Castiel swallowed hard, screwing his eyes shut in pain. “Of course I couldn’t even do that.” He whispered, his face crumpling.
Dean blinked. “What?”
“I designed yours and Sam’s Heavens.” Castiel admitted. “I tweaked them, twisted them to try and give the both of you the Heaven you deserved. Seems I even failed at that.”
“Well yeah, you’re missing a pretty vital component.” Dean told him, to which the angel’s head snapped upwards.
“What is it?” He asked urgently. “I can fix it!”
“Our best friend?” Dean told him, an exasperated look on his face. When Castiel gave him a blank, expecting look, he groaned. “You, you idiot!” He yelled, reaching forward and shaking the angel.
Castiel froze. “You - you - what?”
“Yeah, Cas.” Dean said slowly, wanting to try and hammer the fact through his skull. “How many times do we have to tell you - you’re part of our family. Surprise surprise, we want you in our Heaven.”
“But, I messed all that up didn’t I? I thought I’d make you uncomfortable. Why would you still want…..?” Castiel stuttered, seemingly unable to get his words out.
Dena sighed. “You assume too much.” He said bluntly, and Castiel gaped at him. “First you assume that you can’t have what you want, then you assume that Sam and I wouldn’t tear the universe apart to try and get you back. Then you assume I’d feel uncomfortable around you. Then you assume I don’t want you in my life. Seriously Cas, maybe you should stop assuming and let me speak for once.”
Castiel didn’t say anything, just gestured weakly for him to go ahead.
“You see, if you’d actually given me time to respond.” Dean continued. “Then you’d have learnt that my silence was actually due to the shock of knowing that my feelings were reciprocated.”
A choked noise escaped Castiel’s throat.
Dean slowly walked towards him, stopping close enough that he could feel the heat coming from the angel’s body. He lifted one hand and wrapped it around the back of Castiel’s head, purposefully tilting it back.
The angel’s breathing caught in his throat, and his hands instinctively rose to rest on Dean’s waist.
“Last warning,” Dean breathed against his lips, “stop me now, or I’m going to kiss you.”
Cas didn’t stop him.
Their lips brushed together softly once, barely there, just testing the waters.
Then, as if pulled by a magnet, they crashed together forcefully, sweeping across each other with all the passion of decades of pining. Their hands closed into fists, tugging and pulling as if trying to merge their bodies into one. Lips parted, tongues entwined, breath was stolen. One of them gave a quiet moan, another whimpered softly, both noises swallowed into the kiss.
Eventually they broke apart, pulling back the few inches needed to breathe. Neither could make themselves go any further. Their foreheads pressed together, their bodies stayed firmly entwined, and for a while they just breathed.
“I love you.” Dean whispered softly, his heart in his mouth as he finally let the words pass his lips.
He heard Castiel’s breath hitch, felt his muscles spasm under his hands, felt the shaky exhale against his skin, but he refused to open his eyes. He felt braver in the dark, things felt easier when he couldn’t see Castiel.
“I love you too.” Castiel breathed against his lips, and a second later they were kissing again, and one or both of them were crying, and it was everything Dean had ever dreamed of and more.
At some point they had sunk to the ground again, unable to stand under their own power, unable to let the other go, laying in a tangle of limbs, clinging when they had to break apart to breathe.
“I love you, I love you, I love you.” Dean chanted mindlessly, his face buried into Castiel’s neck, and the angel whispered the same chant back to him, voice muffled by Dean’s hair.
Sam’s arrival was announced by his voice calling Cas’ name, broken in disbelief. Cas looked up at him and smiled, his face streaked with tears. He beckoned for Sam, and the younger hunter crashed into him and Dean, his own tears spilling over as the gap in their lives was filled again.
By the time their tears had dried, the sun had sunk low in the sky, and their muscles were starting to protest against their position. Slowly, they began to untangle themselves, stretching their muscles out and wincing as joints popped quietly.
“Jack?” Cas called quietly, and the brothers’ breaths hitched in longing. “You can let us out now.”
For a second nothing happened, and then the barrier wavered slightly before collapsing. When the particles faded, a single teenage boy stood there, biting his lip and glancing at the three men with barely hidden want.
A second later, Dean and Sam crashed into their son, wrapping him in their arms tightly.
Jack gave a shuddering sigh and clung to his fathers desperately. Cas slipped into the tangle silently, burrowing under Dean’s arm and wrapping his son up, hiding him away from the world.
“I missed you.” Jack breathed, and their arms tightened slightly.
“We missed you too buddy.” Dean replied, grinning at him through his tears. “Look - we know you want to be hands off, and we get that, but that doesn’t mean you can’t come visit us right? I mean, we’re already dead, not like you can really change our lives anymore.”
Jack thought for a minute, and then nodded. “Yes. Yes, that wouldn’t be interfering.”
“Good.” Sam muttered, before pulling away and clapping a hand on Jack’s shoulder. The other two pulled away as well, though Dean’s arm remained wrapped around Castiel.
“Let’s go back home, yeah?” Dean said after a moment, looking around his small family and feeling true happiness bubble up inside him for the first time in a while.
The other three nodded and they started to walk off - together, like they should be.
They were finally at peace.
THE END
—————
Carry on my Wayward Son,
They’ll be Peace when you are done,
Lay your weary head to rest,
Don’t you cry no more.
AN: Hey guys, I know this fic is a little late, but I began writing it just after the finale, and it took a while for the ending to come to me.
I’m sure I’m not the only one who spent the first few hours after the finale sobbing and then the next few days furiously reading every fix-it fic on the internet to try and mend my broken heart?
If so, I hope this fic helped a little bit. Hope you enjoyed!
Demonic_Angel_511