Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

So the thing is - he’s in love. It’s utterly the most terrifying feeling he’s ever experienced and he had a garage building dropped on him not long ago. Because he’s not in love with just anyone - he’s in love with Michelle. 

Michelle Jones. His best friend in the entire world, well on par with Ned but still. It’s different to Ned - he doesn’t want to kiss Ned. He doesn’t want to tell Ned every thought he’s ever had. He doesn’t want to know exactly what Ned had for dinner and what he enjoyed about the last episode of Dr Who. Well actually he does want to know that but it’s different . 

He wants to know what makes Michelle’s face light up like he often sees happen from across the library at school. He wants to know , he doesn’t want to have to ask. He’s pretty sure she’ll tell him. He’s her best friend too. He thinks - they’ve never really discussed it.

He asks May about twelve times a day how he could go about advancing their friendship into a relationship - and honestly, she’s not got the best advice. ‘Just ask her out’?! As if. He’s only just managed to regulate his breathing when she looks right at him, and it’s only because he was pretty sure she was gonna call him out on it soon enough. 

It’s coming up to Christmas and he has no idea what to get her. May has no idea either if her ideas of a purse were anything to go by. Does Michelle even wear purses? What colour would she like? He asks numerous people he webs up on the streets and they don’t know either?! Some of them were at least 25 so surely are married and have good present ideas? Rude. 

He settles somehow on a mixtape - he thinks giving her the actual CD will make it more retro than just a playlist - you can still buy CD players right? He can write the titles down in case it doesn’t work. 

His main issue when it comes to giving her the present is that she’s smiling at him more at school and it means he can barely talk around her. So he can’t slyly ask her what her favourite Christmas songs are. He’s silent and bright red when MJ and Ned discuss doing something Christmassy at Ned’s house at the weekend, only managing to offer a nod when she asks him if he can make it. He’s planning on turning his phone off so he can’t see any crime alerts because he really needs his full attention if he’s going to tell her he likes her. 

The day of the ‘Christmas extravaganza’ (MJ’s words and he almost asked her to move in with him) at Ned’s comes around quicker than he’s prepared for - but it’s okay. The CD is ready, the tracklist is written on a piece of paper that he can slip inside the case when he finds very funky. He’s even drawn a few little doodles on the corners which he thinks she’ll enjoy. Maybe she’ll even do the soft smile at him - the one she tries to hide. He also got Ned a lego set so he’s not playing favourites.

He’s feeling semi-confident about giving her the gift, even if he tells her he likes her and she doesn’t feel the same - he’s sure their friendship will be okay. He can get over her while still hanging out with her, how hard could it be? They were friends for at least two months before she borrowed one of his hoodies and fell asleep on his couch and he realised there was really nowhere else he would rather be. And he gets to swing around Queens on webs he made himself. She makes everything else seem dull in comparison and he realised he didn’t hate it, happy to live in a greyscale until he can sense her around and then everything is multicolour. 

He’s daydreaming about what she’s going to say when he manages to stutter out how much he cares about her when he turns the corner of the school corridor and sees MJ with her head thrown back in laughter at something Brad is saying. Eurgh, why did he have to have a growth spurt over summer? It’s rude! Peter is a standard height and almost definitely still growing daily, he asks Karen all the time - he’ll probably be taller than Michelle in no time. 

As he walks over, he watches Brad pull out a gift and give it to Michelle - he’s not even sweating about it! He hears her say that it’s the ‘best gift she’s ever got’ and his chest plummets to the floor. He backs up, watching the freshman trample over his newly broken heart and decides he’s not going to give MJ the mixtape CD hybrid, not when Brad gave her something she likes so much and he barely spent three dollars on her. She won’t be expecting a gift from him anyway, they’ve barely been friends a year - it would have been weird. 

Later that evening he’s managed to turn up early to Ned’s, planned, so he can give Ned his lego set without feeling awkward around Michelle. Also so he can tell Ned in length how he’s never going to be able to ask her out and will just live in misery for the rest of time and Ned will give him some homemade lumpia and some ice cream. 

Ned is ecstatic with his gift from Peter - always managing to act as though the gift he received isn’t ten times smaller and cheaper than the gift he gives Peter. It’s been that way since middle school, it’s just the way it is and it’s never bothered either of them. 

“Shall we start it now? It’s a couple thousand pieces so we can get a good head start before winter break.” Ned says excitedly but waiting for confirmation before opening the box. 

Peter’s about to respond when he hears Michelle walking towards the bedroom door, “You better be decent dorks.” She shouts while not waiting for a response and swinging the door open. It’s honestly rude that he hasn’t seen her in three hours and somehow she managed to get even more beautiful. 

“Sup, losers.”

“Jones,” Ned says as if he’s completely unphased by her appearance. 

“Hey, Michelle,” Peter says as if he’s about to propose to her. 

She sits down with them on the floor and asks numerous questions about the lego set without giving either of the time to respond. Peter smiles widely at her, almost forgetting that she definitely likes Brad and not him. 

“Oh thanks, MJ. Peter bought it for me for Christmas! We’ve almost got the full set now - well until they release the next batch.” Ned says while trying to carefully open the box. 

“You exchanged already? Rude asses.” She replies with a mock grin that makes his heart soar. 

“Calm your boots, I haven’t given mine out yet and Pete hasn’t given you yours because you were late.” 

What?! Are they both expecting him to have something for her? Should he have bought something else other than a love declaration? She hasn’t mentioned gifts at all. She wouldn’t even tell them when her birthday was. Sure he may or may not have found out anyway and left chocolate in her locker but he has denied that from the start and will deny it now.

“I am on time, nerd. Anyway -”

“I only got Ned a gift because he’s my best friend.” He shouts out so fast he’s surprised either of them heard him. 

“Oh… okay?” Michelle responds but she looks hurt by his outburst. It wasn’t his intention. He wants to tell her he really really likes her, maybe even more than that - but he’s messed up with worrying about what to get her that he’s managed to get her nothing and tell her she’s not his best friend all in the time it took for her to take her coat off. 

“Anywho, here MJ.” Ned says pulling them out of a pit of awkwardness. When she flicks her gaze from the floor to Ned’s hands Peter can see her eyes are glassy and it’s the worst feeling in the world. 

“Thanks, Ned.” She replies uncharacteristically softly. If Ned recognises he doesn’t call her out on it. He wordlessly hands Peter his gift like he’s mad at him. He’s mad at himself so he can understand. 

He watches as Michelle’s face lights up with a gift of two books, both second hand because that’s how she likes them, and she reads the blurbs that he knows she’s read a hundred times with a smile on her face.

“Thank you, dork. This is the best gift I ever got.” Wait, what? And she holds her fist out for him to bump and Peter watches in jealousy when it turns into a handshake.

She turns around to grab her backpack while Peter plays the words she said over and over again in his mind. Does she say that to everyone? Should he have bought the mixtape? Should he have bought anything ? Probably.

“Don’t be weird about it.” She says to both of them but only looks at Ned as she hands them both cards. God, he could have at least got her a card. He notices almost immediately that Ned has ‘dork numero uno’ on the front of his and he has ‘dork numero dos x’ and the tiny not so insignificant kiss has his heart beating way too fast and way too loud. 

Opening the card he sees a long message written in it that he’s sure is going to make him cry even if it just says he’s a dork for twenty-five lines. She wrote him something and he feels so awful. But that’s not the thing that makes the lump in his throat grow - a drawing slips out. No bigger than A5 but it’s of all three of them sat on his sofa and it’s the best gift he’s ever received. 

Peter is in the middle in a Spider-Man Santa hat and he forgets to remember he should be nervous she might find out his secret, well one of his secrets. Ned has a Star Wars jumper on and is cheesing so hard it makes Peter smile, and when he looks over to Ned and he’s doing the exact same thing while looking at his drawing.

Michelle looks flawless in her drawing and in real life when he chances a look at her and she’s biting her lower lip like she’s nervous. Her gaze flicks to meet him and he feels so many emotions that he has to look away. Embarrassment for not thinking about getting her something, shame for shouting out that she’s not his best friend as if anyone would ever believe that anyway. Love for the girl in front of him, nervously wringing her hands.

At the bottom of the page, it reads, ‘we’re the three best friends that anyone could have’ and he lets out an ugly watery laugh because Michelle hates that movie and he feels like garbage. 

I love you. He thinks for the millionth time. 

“I love it, MJ. Thank you.” He says with unshed tears and he hopes beyond belief that she figures out he’s just nervous and unquestionably in love with her and he can’t help but act like a dork around her. 

She shakes her head like it's nothing. He swallows around the lump in his throat and wonders if he should just tell her about the plan, or would she think it's pity? He should have listened to May. 

"Shall we start the lego set?-” Michelle starts and then looks awkward as she finishes “- Or is it like… a you two thing?" She asks pointing between him and Ned and he can feel the glare coming from Ned. He warns him so often about screwing their friendship with MJ up. Ned would say it out loud if he had to, but he loves Michelle, probably as much as he does, just in a different way.

“No, not us… you can do it with us - I want you to do it with us.” He’s digging a hole at this point and he’s not sure how to get out.

“Calm down, dork.” She says with a slight smile, but he can still see the lingering sadness in her eyes and he almost breaks his fingers trying to stop himself from smoothing the crease between her brows. She pulls one of the books Ned got her to her lap and smiles to herself slowly running her fingers along the cover as if she’s forgotten she’s not alone. Or maybe she’s just that comfortable with them now. 

He spends the rest of the night building lego with Ned and occasionally MJ will hand him the exact piece he was looking for without looking up from her book. Whenever their fingers brush he can feel his pulse thumping in his ears so loud he almost doesn’t hear Ned ask if he wants lumpia. 

MJ smiles every time she writes something in the margin of her book and he thinks over and over again, next year, next year he won’t mess up. He’ll give her the mixtape.