Archive of Our Own

When Felix stepped outside, a light snow had started to fall.

He had never been the biggest fan of snow—or the cold, or winter in general—but he did have to admit to himself that it looked nice, even amidst the dull scenery of the gym parking lot. White flakes danced in the air and settled over the line of cars and against the black pavement. Even with the noisy rush of the highway nearby, the snow added a certain serenity to the atmosphere—something that made a temporary sense of peace and quietude settle into Felix’s bones.

He shook it off and sighed, a shiver running through him. It wasn’t freezing outside, but he had showered right before leaving the gym, and his damp hair made his head feel a few degrees colder. His shoulders ached and he rolled them back, wincing.

“Felix!”

The familiar voice broke through Felix’s thoughts and made his heart beat a little faster as he looked up. It was stupid, really, because he had heard Sylvain’s voice about a million times. They had been best friends for years now—they lived together, for God’s sake—so Felix knew he should get a grip.

But, well, it was still difficult to calm the traitorous lurch in his chest when he saw Sylvain walking down the sidewalk towards him—looking unfairly good in a tailored gray peacoat and olive green scarf, his red hair a striking contrast to the drab scenery behind him.

He grinned crookedly as he approached Felix. It was only when he was a couple feet away that Felix noticed he was holding something—one styrofoam coffee cup in each hand.

“Gotcha something,” he said, holding one of the cups out to Felix.

Felix squinted at the cup in question. He took it and examined its exterior, which was bright red and printed with a festive pattern of snowflakes and candy canes.

“What is it?” he asked.

“Uh, it’s coffee. What else would it be?”

“I know it’s coffee. But if it’s one of those stupid Christmas flavors—”

“First of all, they’re not stupid. Secondly … okay, fine. It’s something called ‘Gingerbread Spice’.”

“Sylvain—”

“Hey, it has the word ‘spice’ in it, so I thought you’d like it.”

Felix frowned, but he figured there was no point in arguing. Besides, he noticed the slightly anxious glint in Sylvain’s eyes and felt a pang of guilt. Sylvain was just trying to be nice, after all.

He took a sip of the coffee, trying to quell his skepticism. It was still a little too hot, but the flavor was ... surprisingly good, albeit slightly too sweet for his taste. But he decided to appease Sylvain with a mumble of, “Not bad.”

“Ha, I knew you’d love it.” Sylvain clapped him on the shoulder, which made Felix hiss in pain. “Oops, sorry. Did you hurt your shoulder?”

“No, it’s just sore. Had to teach four classes today.” Felix rolled his shoulder again. Truthfully, he was a bit worried he’d strained it. He enjoyed being a fencing instructor, but it could be taxing on his body. “Anyway, should we head home?”

Sylvain scratched the back of his head. “Actually ... I kinda have to run some errands first. Wanna come with?”

“I guess I don’t have much of a choice, do I? Seeing as you’re my ride home and all.”

“Aw, Felix. I love spending time with you, too,” Sylvain replied with an easy wink.

Felix’s mouth twitched up at one corner. It was almost irritating how easily Sylvain could read him after all these years.

He tried to mask the overwhelming swell of fondness with a short sigh and a roll of his eyes. “So,” he said, “the coffee was a bribe.”

“What? No! Well ... yes, maybe a little. But hey, pretty good bribe if you ask me.”

As if to illustrate, Sylvain took a sip from his own coffee cup. It was probably some horrendous peppermint flavor or something, but Sylvain seemed to be enjoying it, based on the blissful look on his face. Felix held back his judgmental comments.

Sylvain swirled the contents of his cup. “Anyway, I just wanted to make a quick run to the grocery store. Oh, and I might stop to buy a couple of last-minute gifts while I’m at it.”

Felix had a feeling it wasn’t going to be as “quick” as Sylvain claimed. But, as usual, he was weak to Sylvain’s charm.

“Okay, fine.”

“Great! Let’s get going, then.”

Sylvain started to turn around, but froze like something had caught his attention. His gaze flicked downward. Felix’s breath caught, and he felt like something had lodged in his throat. What is he … ?

Before he could complete the thought, his mind shut down as Sylvain reached up and … wiped something from the tip of Felix’s nose with the pad of his thumb. Felix scrunched his face in surprise before sobering again and blinking a few times. “What the hell?” he blurted.

“I—sorry.” Sylvain’s smile had faltered, but it returned just as quickly. This time, it was more of an amused smirk. “There was a snowflake on your nose.”

“A … ?” Felix started to repeat. He rubbed the tingling spot on his nose where Sylvain had touched it, but he didn’t find any evidence of Sylvain’s claims. The snowflake must have melted by now. “At least warn me next time.”

Sylvain just chuckled. “You know, you’re kinda cute when you get all grumpy. Like a little angry cat.”

“You’re the worst.”

“Love you too, Felix.”

The words slid out of Sylvain’s mouth so easily, as if he hadn’t given them a second thought, and an invisible pressure squeezed around Felix’s heart. He knew Sylvain hadn’t meant anything particularly significant by it—Sylvain spoke often about how much he loved his friends, after all.

But, that was just it. They were friends. The more Felix analyzed every word Sylvain said, the more he was only setting himself up for disappointment in the end.

When Felix hadn’t said anything in response, Sylvain cleared his throat. “We should be going, huh?”

“Right,” Felix said. “We, uh ... we should.”

Right before Sylvain turned around again, Felix could’ve sworn there was a slightly rosy blush across the bridge of his nose. But it was probably just from the cold.

As soon as they set foot in the grocery store, Felix felt as if he’d been slapped in the face by the holiday spirit.

It was ridiculous, really, how one couldn’t even buy groceries without being assaulted by bright shades of red and green, twinkling lights, sparkly cut-out snowflakes, and the same handful of upbeat Christmas songs playing on an infinite loop.

The thing was, Felix didn’t hate Christmas. Not exactly, anyway. But this time of year was ... difficult for him, to say the least, and it didn’t help that the presence of the holidays was so pervasive.

It only served as a reminder that, just like for the past few years, he’d be spending Christmas alone.

He tried not to let the gloomy thoughts invade his mind as he surveyed the cereal aisle, choosing a box and tucking it under his arm before he went to find Sylvain. Luckily, he wasn’t too hard to locate; he was two aisles over, strolling along with the shopping cart and humming along to the jaunty music.

“Ooh, Bran Flakes,” Sylvain commented as Felix deposited the box of cereal in the cart. “I see we’re being adventurous today.”

“Shut up.”

Felix glanced over the other contents of the shopping cart. Besides the usual essentials—bread, eggs, milk—he noticed a couple boxes of candy canes and hot cocoa mix.

“Okay, before you say anything,” Sylvain said, holding up a hand, “yes, I know you don’t like sweet things. And no, all this stuff isn’t just for me. But in my defense, it was on sale. And I figure if Annette and Mercedes come over anytime soon, we’d better have an army’s supply of sweets handy.”

“I wasn’t going to say anything,” Felix said.

But Sylvain seemed eager to change the subject for some reason, drumming his fingers against the shopping cart handle before he said, “I think that’s everything we need. Ready to check out?”

They headed for the self check-out aisle, where Sylvain scanned their items and Felix crammed them into bags. (“Watch the eggs, Felix!”)

“Are you going to your parents’ house for Christmas again?” Felix asked, hefting one of the full bags into the cart.

Sylvain didn’t answer right away, as if he hadn’t heard. He had just scanned his credit card and was now sliding it back into his wallet. “Hm? Oh ... yep. I am.”

His tone had gone flat, and Felix felt a twinge of guilt. He had only been trying to make casual conversation, and hadn’t meant to bring up a sore subject. There was no taking it back now, although maybe he could at least try to wear the edge off.

“I’m sorry.”

Sylvain looked up at him in surprise, but then gave a half-hearted smile. “It’s okay, I’ll survive. Maybe I can make a fun game out of it like ... oh, I don’t know, take a shot of eggnog every time my dad says something shitty about my college major. Or my job. Two shots every time my mom passive aggressively hints that I should be married by now.”

“Well ... if it makes you feel better, you can text me the whole time. I don’t mind.”

The offer came out of Felix’s mouth before he could stop himself. He could feel his face heating up, and he hastily picked up another grocery bag and placed it in the cart.

“Oh, you know I will,” Sylvain said. “But I don’t want to bother you too much.”

“You won’t bother me. It’s not like I have any plans, anyway.”

Felix wasn’t expecting the silence that followed, and he looked up questioningly just as he finished lifting the last bag into the cart. He froze when he saw the look Sylvain was giving him—the way his smile had suddenly dropped, and there was a concerned pinch to his brow.

“I’m sorry, Felix. I know it’s—”

“It’s fine,” Felix cut him off. “I’m used to it by now. Not doing anything on Christmas, I mean.”

That was a lie, and he was fairly certain Sylvain could see right through it, but suddenly Felix wanted nothing more than to change the topic. It was already dreary enough, and the stark contrast with the bright atmosphere of the grocery store only made him even more uncomfortable.

Sylvain let out a short sigh as he took hold of the shopping cart handle again and steered it towards the exit. “Still,” he said, “I know it must be hard. Honestly, I’d invite you to come to my parents’ house with me, but I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.”

Felix almost dropped his coffee cup as he took it out of the shopping cart’s cupholder. Sylvain had considered inviting Felix to his parents’ house? On Christmas? It probably didn’t mean anything, but … well, that was something he’d be sure to lie awake overanalyzing later.

For now, he just took a large gulp of coffee—which, at this point, was lukewarm. “Really, it’s okay,” he insisted. The cheery music faded into the background as they walked further away from the store. “I’ll just … hang out with Zeus.”

“Oh, yeah. He’s always good company. That reminds me, I saw a little cat elf costume in the store and was this close to buying it. You think we could get Zeus to wear something like that?”

“Pretty sure he would claw your eyes out. But if you want to try, go ahead.”

They unloaded the groceries into the trunk of Sylvain’s car, and Felix pushed the shopping cart over to the corral. When he turned around and started to walk back, he saw Sylvain still standing on the curb.

“Hey, do you mind if we stop by Anna’s for a few minutes? I wanted to do a little gift-shopping real quick.”

Truthfully, Felix wanted to go home. His muscles were still sore and he was getting pretty hungry. Unfortunately, he was also unable to resist Sylvain’s charming smile and the eager gleam in his eyes.

“Fine,” he relented with a sigh. “A few minutes.”

They walked along the strip past several glowing storefronts, until they reached the flashy exterior of Anna’s Gift Shop. The small store was typically decked out in twinkling lights and colorful window displays no matter what the season, but it was even more vibrantly decorated around the holidays.

There was an elaborate miniature village set up in the window, with a small electric train winding between the snowy hills, and tiny figurines skating on ice ponds. Flashing red and green lights lined the windowsill, and “Jingle Bells” played from an external speaker overhead.

Felix paused and stared at the whole display, oddly charmed by it. He didn’t realize he was just standing there and watching the little train go by, until he heard Sylvain’s voice next to him.

“Pretty cool, isn’t it?”

Felix looked up at him, and once again felt like something was squeezing around his heart. The soft lighting highlighted Sylvain’s face in an almost ethereal glow, his eyes twinkling as he smiled and took in the sight of the window display.

Clutching his half-empty coffee cup in both hands, Felix looked back towards the lively miniature village. “Yeah,” he said, “it is.”

A vivid memory from many years ago rose to the surface of his mind—the town center aglow with Christmas lights, a man in a Santa costume riding by on top of a firetruck and throwing candy canes into the crowd, carolers singing on the street corners. Felix was riding on his father’s shoulders, clutching a candy cane in one small mittened hand and gazing up in wonder at the giant Christmas tree in the town center. The sidewalks bustled with families, and all of the storefronts were decorated for the festivities.

One big department store always had the most intricate setups in their front window at Christmas, and Felix was in complete awe of it. He could have stayed there all night watching the little electric trains go by, as he and Glenn stood side by side with their faces almost pressed up against the glass ...

“Hey,” Sylvain said, breaking Felix out of his thoughts. “Felix?”

There was a note of concern to it, which made Felix suspect that Sylvain had already tried to get his attention once or twice.

“Yeah?”

“Nothing, you just kinda zoned out for a sec.”

“Oh.” Felix blinked. “Sorry. Was just … thinking about something.”

“No worries. Ready to head inside?”

After letting his gaze linger on the window display for a moment longer, Felix nodded.

A bell chimed above the door when they walked inside, the cold air giving way to the warmth of the small store. Unlike the blinding brightness of the grocery store, the gift shop had a much more comforting atmosphere. A soft piano rendition of “Silver Bells'' played overhead, and there was a faint, pleasant scent in the air … something that smelled vaguely like cinnamon.

The walls were lined with an eclectic mix of memorabilia, and most of the holiday-themed merchandise was set up near the front—snow globes, hand-painted ornaments, dishes and mugs with depictions of winter forests on them. There was a rotating stand of jewelry nearby, and a number of musical instruments hung on the wall in the back.

“Welcome!” a cheerful voice greeted them. A woman stepped out from the back corner, where she’d been stocking one of the shelves. She was wearing a short, bright red dress that matched the Santa hat sitting on top of her head. Her long pink hair was tied into a side ponytail, and two shiny earrings shaped like ornaments hung from her ears.

“Oh! Hi, Sylvain,” she said, her eyes lighting up with recognition. “Haven’t seen you around here in a while.”

He grinned back at her. “Hey, Anna. Yeah—it’s been a long time, huh?”

Felix watched the exchange in awkward silence, looking back and forth between the two of them. There was a friendly familiarity to their conversation, which didn’t surprise Felix much. Pretty much anyone who met Sylvain gravitated towards him like a moth to a flame. And Felix had heard Sylvain mention Anna’s shop a bunch of times before, so it made sense that they knew each other.

He was startled from his thoughts by Sylvain’s hand resting against his back. It was a light touch, but it still sent a sensation like lightning racing up Felix’s spine.

“Sorry, I should’ve introduced you two,” Sylvain was saying now. “This is my friend, Felix. Felix, Anna.”

“Nice to meet you,” Felix said with a short nod.

Anna looked him up and down in a funny way, tapping her finger against her chin. “Ohhh, so you’re Felix,” she said.

Which was ... not what Felix had been expecting to hear. Sylvain had talked to Anna about him before?

“Anyway!” Anna went on, steepling her hands together. “Anything I can help you with?”

“Oh—uh, yeah,” Sylvain said hastily. His hand dropped away from Felix’s back. “Actually, I was hoping you could help me find a thing or two. I’m still trying to get some gift shopping done ...”

The two of them fell into a discussion as Anna led Sylvain towards the back of the store to show him various items. Felix, meanwhile, wandered on his own, perusing the nearby shelves.

He didn’t see anything of much interest to himself—most of it was too quirky and glittery for his taste. But at the end of one row of shelves, he came to a stop as he noticed a glass case displaying an array of Swiss Army knives. They were all arranged so that their blades were fanned open, gleaming in the light.

Felix didn’t realize how long he’d been standing there observing them, until he felt a hand squeeze his shoulder. “Hey,” Sylvain said next to him. “You ready to go?”

“Hm? Oh. Yeah,” Felix stammered. He noticed the large gift bag hanging from Sylvain’s arm. “You found something already?”

“Yep! I was looking for something for Annette. Decided to get her a ukulele. She keeps saying she really wants one.”

“Annette with a ukulele? She’s going to be insufferable.”

“Oh, c’mon. You love her music!”

Felix remained stubbornly silent—because the truth was, he did enjoy the songs Annette wrote. He may have tormented her ceaselessly in college every time he overheard her making up lyrics, but the truth was she did have a lot of talent.

“Those are nice,” Sylvain commented, nodding towards the display of Swiss Army knives.

“Oh ... yeah, I was just looking.” Felix glanced in the direction of the small blades, a sudden tight feeling in his chest.

“You already have one, right?” Sylvain said. “The one that, uh ...” He stopped short, like he realized he’d been about to broach a touchy subject.

Felix paused, still not looking Sylvain in the eye when he responded, “The one my dad gave me, you mean. I ... don’t have it anymore. I lost it.”

He tried to say it casually, holding back any emotion from creeping into his voice. After all, it was probably stupid to be upset over losing some small inanimate object.

Unfortunately, he knew Sylvain could read him like a book—and sure enough, Sylvain inhaled sharply upon hearing the words. “Wait, what? You lost it? When did that happen?”

“Couple weeks ago. It got confiscated when I was at the airport. I stupidly forgot it was in the side pocket of my backpack. I was just so used to bringing it everywhere ...”

He stopped short, afraid that he’d lose control of his emotions if he continued. Not that he was necessarily afraid to be vulnerable in front of Sylvain, but he didn’t want Sylvain to worry about him or anything.

And it had been his own stupid mistake, really. He’d been carrying that Swiss Army knife around for pretty much as long as he could remember, ever since his dad had given him and Glenn matching ones for Christmas one year when they were kids, engraved with their names.

After Rodrigue and Glenn both died three years ago, Felix had become even more attached to it, carrying it in his pocket or backpack wherever he went. Often he would take it out and run a thumb over the engraving of his name on the side, somehow comforted by the sensation of it.

He’d almost gotten into an outright fight with the TSA agent who had confiscated it, but of course he’d known that was an argument he couldn’t win—at least, not without getting arrested. And he’d been a little too drained to put up much of a fight, anyway. It was already exhausting enough having to fly home by himself and visit Rodrigue and Glenn’s graves on the anniversary of their death.

“Felix …” Sylvain said quietly, then hesitated like he didn’t know what to say. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”

“It’s fine. I guess I forgot to mention it.”

In truth, Felix had thought about it a lot in the past few weeks, but he hadn’t wanted to make a big deal out of it—or to break down in front of Sylvain, which he was dangerously close to doing right now.

He cleared his throat, stepping away from the display case. “Anyway, we should go.”

Sylvain didn’t move right away, rooted to the spot where he stood. But after a moment, he followed Felix.

“Come back soon!” Anna called cheerfully after them.

Sylvain waved to her. “We will! Thanks again, Anna!”

With that, Felix and Sylvain walked back out into the snowy winter evening.

Sylvain drove them home, as he did every day. It was partly for convenience’s sake, since he and Felix lived together and their jobs were in the same area. It was also because Felix didn’t have a license yet—and his driving anxiety had only gotten worse after what had happened to Rodrigue and Glenn.

It continued to snow on their way home, the large flakes swirling in the gleam of the headlights. The windshield wipers swished back and forth in a steady rhythm, swiping away the bits of ice and snow that fell and melted against the glass.

The radio was on at a low volume, playing some oldies station that Sylvain had switched it to. Classic Christmas songs played one after another, slightly muffled and staticky, and Sylvain kept reaching over with one hand to adjust the dial and try to get a better signal.

As he drove, Sylvain told Felix about his day at work—he and Dorothea taught kids at a local theater, and they’d been rehearsing for their annual Christmas pageant for about a month now.

“They’re gonna do really great,” Sylvain said, his voice bright with enthusiasm. “Wait ‘til you hear them sing ‘Silent Night’. I swear, Dorothea is magic or something, ‘cause she’s got these kids singing in perfect harmony. Kinda makes me tear up every time I hear it.” He glanced in Felix’s direction, then turned his attention back to the road. “That is, if you want to come to the show. You don’t have to.”

“What? Of course I’m going,” Felix said. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“Oh, I don’t know. I know that plays and music and whatnot aren’t really your thing.”

“That’s not true. I can appreciate a good performance. Anyway, I know how hard you’ve worked on it. I’m going.”

“Aw, well thanks. If you change your mind, though, it’s no big deal.”

Felix was not going to change his mind, but he knew this argument would go on back and forth forever if they continued like this. Instead, he just let out a small hmph and sat back in his seat with his arms crossed, concentrating on the gentle swishing sound of the windshield wipers and the quiet music seeping through the speakers.

When they got home, they unloaded the grocery bags and carried them up two flights of stairs to their apartment.

Almost as soon as they set foot inside, Felix’s cat, Zeus, bolted towards them like a lightning bolt made of black fur and started meowing and rubbing up against Felix’s ankles. Felix shifted the grocery bag he was holding to one arm while he bent down to scratch Zeus between the ears with his free hand.

“Yeah, yeah. You must be hungry.”

“I think all three of us are,” Sylvain said, setting his bags on the table. “I don’t know about you, but I’m starving.”

They set to work unpacking and putting away the groceries, then starting to prepare dinner. Felix fed Zeus, while Sylvain set a pot of water on the stove and started to prepare some spaghetti.

Sylvain had put on some Christmas music on his phone, and hummed along as he stirred the pasta. Felix walked over to join him, pausing for a second to take in the sight—how the warm overhead light from the stove complimented the angles of Sylvain’s face, the gold flecks in his eyes, the bright shade of his hair. Felix always felt a pleasant stirring in his chest at the sight of Sylvain so ... content, especially having known him for years now and having seen him at some of his lowest points.

Just as his mind had started to wander, Sylvain’s humming came to an abrupt halt. He looked up, blinking at Felix in confusion. “What is it?”

Felix broke out of his daze. “What?”

“You were staring at me.”

“No, I wasn’t,” Felix snapped, then realized he probably sounded too defensive for it to be believable—and the worry was only confirmed by the smug look on Sylvain’s face. Felix looked sharply away. “Anyway ... I was going to ask if I can do anything to help.”

“You don’t really have to. Shouldn’t take too long for this pasta to be done. But I guess if you want, you could take out some of that leftover sauce from the other day and heat that up.”

“Sure.” Felix walked over to the fridge to pull out a tupperware container of pasta sauce, and a minute later was dumping it into a sauce pan to heat it up.

Sylvain was still watching the spaghetti boil, twirling a wooden spoon in one hand. Right then, the song playing on his phone faded to an end and segued into another, and Sylvain gasped and reached over to turn the volume up.

“Oh, hell yeah,” he said enthusiastically, just as a voice crooned through the speakers, “Last Christmas, I gave you my heart ...”

Felix shot him a glare. “Can you turn that down?”

“Aw, c’mon, Felix. You know you love this one.”

Sylvain nudged him playfully in the arm, before holding up the wooden spoon like a microphone and starting to sing along. Sylvain’s singing was a bit off-key, but—like everything about him—it was unfairly endearing, and Felix couldn’t bring himself to feel annoyed.

“Take it away, Felix!” Sylvain said, holding the spoon out towards him.

Felix leaned away from it as if avoiding a nauseating smell. “Absolutely not.”

Fortunately, Sylvain didn’t goad him on, just shrugged and kept on singing himself as if nothing had happened. Felix went back to stirring the spaghetti sauce, but he only had about two seconds of peace before he suddenly felt a hand close around his wrist.

His whole body went rigid. “What are you—”

“Look, if you’re not going to sing, you can at least dance with me.”

Maybe it was from standing over the stove, but Felix’s face felt absurdly hot. “Wh—no. I’m not dancing,” he sputtered.

But Sylvain didn’t seem to be taking no for an answer, instead pulling Felix away from the stove to wrap an arm around him and spin him in a circle.

Felix yelped in surprise, hands grasping for something to hold onto to stop him from falling over—and, of course, the only thing available was Sylvain. Which was how Felix suddenly found himself with his hands on Sylvain’s shoulders, while Sylvain still had an arm wrapped around his waist and grinned down at him triumphantly.

Felix’s instinct was to snap at Sylvain to let go of him, but the words died in his throat as Sylvain laughed and fell back into step with the music, swaying them both in time with the song. Felix was not much of a dancer, stumbling along to keep up, but he couldn’t help the reluctant smile that had risen to his face.

“You’re ridiculous,” he said.

The words had zero visible effect on Sylvain at all, which was unsurprising considering Felix probably said the same thing to him at least once a day. He merely winked in response, still bearing that crooked grin.

“C’mon,” he said, “you know you love me.”

That made Felix’s heart skip a little. Yes, his mind supplied unhelpfully, I do.

As always, he forced the confession deep down to never be spoken aloud. After all, he knew Sylvain was only messing with him like he always did, and the last thing Felix wanted to do was mess up their entire friendship because of his own stupid feelings.

Speaking of which, he realized he should probably stop clinging to Sylvain the way he was right now, because that was certainly not helping the situation. He started to take a step back, and—

Something brushed up against the back of his ankles. Losing his balance, Felix staggered and almost fell, his instincts only kicking in at the last second for him to reach out just in time to catch himself with one hand against the edge of the kitchen table.

The only problem was that Sylvain was still holding on to him—so as Felix fell back, Sylvain was pulled along with him. Their foreheads almost knocked together, but they somehow narrowly managed to avoid that. ... However, the momentum had caused Sylvain to pitch forward, stumbling right into Felix so that their chests were pressed together and their faces were only about an inch apart.

Felix winced, fairly certain that he had just bruised his tailbone against the edge of the table. But he stopped worrying about that in about an instant, realizing that Sylvain was still pressed up against him.

And when Felix dared to cautiously look up, the look on Sylvain’s face sent his heart dropping down into his stomach. He didn’t know what he had expected—probably that Sylvain would be wearing some stupid, smug expression. Instead he looked strangely dazed as he pulled a bit away from Felix, his amber eyes glassy before there was a spark of something in them that Felix couldn’t quite read—something almost like fascination, like he had never seen Felix’s face before.

Felix was tempted to demand what the hell he was looking at, but he also found himself unable to look away, fixated on all the details of Sylvain’s face that he could see this close up—the light freckles on the bridge of his nose, how long his eyelashes were, how his gaze flicked downward and—

Something bumped against the back of Felix’s legs again, more aggressively this time, and was followed by the indignant meow of the culprit that had tripped him in the first place.

Snapping back to his senses, Felix let out an aggravated sigh. “Zeus.” He looked down to find that, sure enough, his cat was head-butting his leg.

Sylvain laughed softly, stepping away and turning back towards the stove—and just like that, the moment was gone. If there even had been a moment in the first place. It had come and gone so quickly that Felix felt like he had imagined it ... except for that he was frozen in place with one hand braced against the edge of the table, still struggling to think or breathe. He could feel a phantom tingling against his chest where the solid warmth of Sylvain’s body had been pressed against him moments before, and he felt suddenly cold in its absence.

He had been staring at Sylvain’s back like an idiot for a few long seconds, when he was pulled back to the present again—the warm glow of the kitchen, the smell of the sauce cooking, the music playing cheerfully from Sylvain’s phone as if nothing had happened.

“Mreow.” Zeus looked up at Felix expectantly, tilting his head and holding his skinny tail in the shape of a question mark.

Felix sighed. “No,” he said firmly. “I just fed you.”

Unamused, Zeus turned around and walked towards Sylvain, who was turning off the burners on the stovetop. “Aww,” Sylvain said, bending over to scoop the cat up in his arms. “Is the poor baby hungry?”

“I literally fed him five minutes ago.”

“Um, clearly this poor creature has never eaten in his life.” Sylvain cradled Zeus with one arm and scratched under his chin with his free hand. Zeus’s eyes narrowed to happy slits, and he was purring so loud that even Felix could hear it from where he stood.

Rolling his eyes, Felix finally took a step away from the table. “I can’t believe he’s letting you hold him like that.”

“Oh, you’re just jealous that he likes me better.” Sylvain gave Zeus a quick kiss on top of his head, then held him out towards Felix. “Anyway, I have to drain the pasta. Here, take your son.”

Before Felix could protest, he had his arms full of a very squirmy black cat, who only took about half a second before he started yowling to be put down. “Okay, okay.” Felix placed Zeus down on the floor again, then went to go get some plates from the cabinet.

Felix and Sylvain ate dinner together as they normally did. After that, they sat in the living room for a while, both scrolling through their phones while the TV was on in the background. Zeus slept on the couch right between them.

Occasionally one of them would make a remark on the baking show they were watching, or one would show the other something interesting or funny on their phone. But for the most part, they sat in amicable silence.

Although he tried to keep himself distracted with either watching the TV or skimming through various newsfeeds, Felix’s mind kept circling involuntarily back to that incident in the kitchen. He kept remembering the feeling of Sylvain’s arm wrapped around him, the weight of Sylvain against him when they’d stumbled into the table, the momentary stunned look on Sylvain’s face ... Each time he recalled it, it made his pulse race a little faster.

He knew better, though, than to give in to that spark of hope.

Even after they’d said goodnight and parted ways into their separate rooms, Felix still couldn’t seem to shake away the restless feeling coursing through his veins.

After lying awake, tossing and turning for what felt like an hour, he let out a short sigh of frustration and reached for his phone. He didn’t have any new notifications, though, and scrolling idly through social media timelines quickly lost his interest.

He was about to put his phone away again, when something possessed him to open his photos app. His thumb hovered over the screen in brief hesitation, but then he started swiping through the albums, skimming through photos from over the past couple of years.

Most of his photos were just of Zeus, or pictures of the woods he’d taken on hikes. But there were also … a lot of pictures of Sylvain, maybe an embarrassing amount, although that was partly because Sylvain had an annoying habit of stealing Felix’s phone and taking selfies with it when Felix wasn’t looking. Felix had always scolded him for it, but he’d never deleted a single one.

A small, involuntary smile rose to Felix’s face as he looked through one photo after another, although it was paired with a small twinge behind his sternum. It really was unfair how Sylvain looked so effortlessly handsome in every photo, and how he was always winking teasingly at the camera like he knew it.

There were also a few candids of Sylvain that Felix had taken, and he lingered over a few of the most noteworthy ones. One of his favorites was from when Zeus was a kitten and had leapt up onto Sylvain’s shoulder, and Sylvain was laughing while scratching Zeus under the chin. Felix chuckled quietly at the sight of it—but his breath cut off as he moved on to the next photo.

It was one he’d taken on an early morning hike, when he and Sylvain had trekked up a small mountain to watch the sunrise. Felix had captured the picture when Sylvain hadn’t been looking. He was just standing there looking out over the landscape, his features highlighted in golden light, his breath misting and the tip of his nose a little reddened from the cold.

Felix could still remember the exact feeling of that moment, how he’d turned towards Sylvain and immediately forgotten how to breathe at the sight of him—not just that he looked amazing, although that was certainly a part of it, but also that he’d looked so happy and at peace. Felix had snapped the photo without even thinking about it, wanting to immortalize that image forever.

As he kept staring at it now, a familiar ache settled into his bones. He finally lowered his phone, setting it facedown on the mattress next to him as he released another deep sigh.

God, when had it gotten this bad? When had he fallen so stupidly head-over-heels for Sylvain? He found himself trying to trace back to the precise moment it had happened, as he so often did on sleepless nights, but it was difficult to determine.

He had known Sylvain since they were kids, because their parents had been friends, but back then they’d mostly only seen each other at occasional gatherings. After that, there had been a number of years in which they hadn’t seen each other in person, only staying in contact via social media.

Felix was fairly certain, then, that his feelings for Sylvain hadn’t developed until they reunited once again at Garreg Mach University. But he couldn’t exactly pinpoint when.

Looking back, there were probably hints of it as early as their first year, but Felix hadn’t realized it yet. They’d ended up in a few classes together—Sylvain had majored in art history with a minor in theater (because fuck you, Dad) and Felix had majored in ancient history, so there had been some crossover in their curriculum. They started spending a lot of time together, both during class and otherwise, and soon became part of the same circle of friends—including Ingrid and Dimitri, who they’d also both known as kids.

During their first year at GMU, Felix and Sylvain became close friends. When they weren’t in class, they were often spending their time together—whether they were studying, exploring nearby towns, or just hanging out in the dorms and watching TV.

That first year, Felix was genuinely happy, maybe more than he’d ever been. Looking back, he felt as if he’d taken it for granted—because starting in their second year, things began to fall apart.

But when trying to determine when exactly he’d fallen in love with Sylvain, Felix couldn’t ignore that part of their history—that a shared sense of grief was part of what had brought them closer together, and had put things into an entirely new perspective. And so, as he continued to lie still and stare up at the ceiling, he took himself back to those darker times.

It started when Sylvain’s estranged brother, Miklan, died of an overdose. Sylvain had been consumed with grief and guilt, and Felix had watched helplessly as his best friend convinced himself that somehow this had all been his fault—his fault that his parents had favored him over his abusive brother, his fault that Miklan had been disowned, his fault that Miklan was dead. It took a long time for him to start overcoming that mindset, with the help of therapy and his friends’ support.

But just as Sylvain was putting the pieces of his own broken world back together, Felix’s shattered. It was a little less than a year later that Felix picked up the phone one day, and received the news that his own brother and father had died in a tragic accident.

The period of time that followed would always feel like a black hole to him—a gray haze of numbness and sorrow, of bleak faces and condolences, of days feeling like he was deep underwater where there was only cold and silence.

What he could remember, though, was the way all of his friends had gotten him through it, especially Sylvain. Felix had taken a few months off from school at the time—and although his other friends had helped him in a lot of ways, most often it was Sylvain who was checking in on him, who brought him meals and made sure he was eating, who held him when he cried on the hardest days, who sat and talked with him until deep into the night when he didn’t want to be alone.

Nothing would ever exactly go back to normal after that, but all of Sylvain’s support had helped Felix eventually ease back into his daily life. Every day was still painful, but little by little there were good moments, too.

There were nights spent with all his friends, huddled together on couches and floors, watching movies. There were long walks in the streets and crowding into booths at the local diner. There were late-night study sessions where he and Sylvain would chug coffee and throw crumpled balls of paper at each other to stay awake. There were long subway rides where Felix sometimes accidentally fell asleep with his head on Sylvain’s shoulder.

Felix didn’t know when exactly he realized, somewhere amidst the good days and the bad. It added up slowly over time, with every crooked smile Sylvain threw his way, with every casual touch on the shoulder and each hug that lasted a little too long.

Somewhere along the way, such instances started to feel ... different to Felix, in a way he didn’t know how to define at first. It was almost a feeling of surprise, or like he’d been shaken awake after a long sleep.

After a while, he could no longer deny it. He was hopelessly in love with his best friend.

The problem was, he was fairly certain that those feelings were unrequited. Especially when they were still in college, Sylvain had a tendency to ... well, have relations with a lot of people, to put it politely. Although Felix could tell that none of these flings had ever meant much to Sylvain—and that it was an unhealthy coping mechanism more than anything else—it still stung a little every time Sylvain shared a story of another escapade he’d had.

For a long time, Felix had thought he was bitter because he’d had few romantic encounters of his own, but eventually he came to realize that it was ... jealousy. Not of Sylvain, but of all the people he’d been with.

Sylvain’s habits had gradually died down, especially after he’d started going to therapy. Since they’d graduated two years ago and moved in together shortly after, Felix could only recall a couple of times he’d heard Sylvain bring someone home late at night. It had been a long time since it had last happened, but Felix could still remember the hollow feeling that had opened in his chest at the muffled sound of a stranger’s laughter, could remember putting a pillow over his head to block out any other noises coming from Sylvain’s room.

Even though it had been over a year since such an event had occurred, Felix still wouldn’t allow himself even the smallest inkling of hope. After all, Sylvain had expressed interest in just about every attractive person he met, but none of that interest had ever been directed at Felix.

The more Felix thought about it now, lying in the dark, the more it filled him with a heavy sense of hopelessness. He had turned his head a bit to one side, so he could see the faint outline of his bedroom door in the dimness—and he couldn’t help but think about how Sylvain’s room was only a few paces across the hall, but somehow felt like it was miles away.

Sometimes he felt like that small distance was going to drive him crazy, and there’d been more than one occasion when he’d considered jumping out of bed and marching straight into Sylvain’s room and blurting out some foolish confession—if only just to see how Sylvain would react, or to get an answer out of him, or a rejection, or something that would finally give Felix some sense of closure.

For now, he set that irrational impulse aside, and turned over so that he was facing away from the door. But if he fell asleep thinking about Sylvain’s soft smile in the glow of the sunrise, or about Sylvain’s arms around him as they danced around their small kitchen, no one had to know.

The Christmas pageant was about a week before the holidays, and Felix attended as he’d sworn he would.

He was probably the only person in the small theater who wasn’t a family member of any of the performers, and of course Sylvain was managing things backstage, so Felix had to sit awkwardly by himself in the back of the auditorium.

Otherwise, the performance itself was enjoyable. Felix knew—from everything Sylvain had enthusiastically told him—that the kids had painted the backdrops themselves, and helped to make their own costumes, and that in itself was impressive. But the young cast was also just as talented as Sylvain had promised, putting a lot of heart and enthusiasm into their acting and singing. Besides one shepherd forgetting his lines at one point, everything went by without a hitch.

The pageant ended with the whole cast onstage, joining together to sing “Silent Night.” Felix wasn’t often moved by such performances, but truthfully his eyes stung a little as the music crescendoed. Sylvain hadn’t been kidding when he’d said these kids knew how to pull off a good harmony. When the rest of the audience stood up to give a standing ovation at the end, Felix did the same.

Backstage, Felix found Sylvain surrounded by a swarm of children in their colorful costumes—some of them wearing angel wings or fake beards—all clamoring for his attention, as he enthusiastically praised them for doing a great job and high-fived them one by one. Not wanting to interrupt, Felix watched from a short distance with a faint smile on his face.

Dorothea, who was standing off to the side and talking to another small group of kids, looked up. She glanced from Felix to Sylvain and back again, and then winked at Felix—which immediately made his smile drop and his face burn, and he could only thank the universe that Sylvain had been too distracted to notice that whole exchange.

Once all the children had been collected by their parents, Felix finally approached Sylvain and gave him a quick hug and told him sincerely how much he’d enjoyed the pageant. Sylvain thanked Felix for coming, once again insisting that it hadn’t been necessary for Felix to come to the show—but Felix could tell, just from Sylvain’s wide grin and the glimmer in his eyes, that it meant a lot to him that Felix had been there.

The success of the performance seemed to brighten Sylvain’s spirits for the next day or two. But as it drew closer to Christmas Eve, there was a noticeable change in his behavior.

He seemed … more withdrawn, like he was worried about something. The few times Felix worked up the courage to ask if anything was wrong, Sylvain just forced a smile and shook it off.

Felix suspected that Sylvain was probably stressed about having to go visit his family, and that returning home would inevitably dredge up memories of his dead abusive brother. Being around his emotionally manipulative parents probably wasn’t going to make things any better.

Thinking about it made Felix feel sick to his stomach. There wasn’t much he could do to help, but he kept telling Sylvain that he didn’t have to go if he really didn’t want to—and reminding him that if he did end up going, he could text Felix the whole time if he needed the distraction.

Sylvain seemed grateful for it at least, and always thanked Felix with a warm and genuine smile, but he still insisted on going. He seemed a bit on edge in the days leading up to it, though, constantly checking his phone and often ducking into his room and shutting the door to take calls—arranging plans with his parents, Felix assumed.

When the 24th arrived, Sylvain spent a good deal of the morning bustling around and cleaning up the apartment, despite Felix’s protests that he could do the cleaning himself while Sylvain was gone. Sylvain didn’t seem to be listening, but he at least stopped long enough to go into his room and finish packing.

Around noon, he stepped out of his room dressed in his coat and scarf, wheeling a suitcase behind him. Felix was sitting cross-legged on the couch, his laptop propped on his knees.

“You’re leaving already?” He tried to make it sound casual, but he was fairly certain there was an audible note of disappointment in the question.

“Yeah,” Sylvain sighed. “Figured I should hit the road early. Traffic is already starting to pile up, according to my phone.”

As Sylvain spoke, Felix shifted his computer off his lap and onto the couch next to him. He stood up but didn’t move towards Sylvain, maintaining a few feet of space between them.

“Okay, well ...” He gestured towards Sylvain’s suitcase. “You want me to help you take anything out to the car, or—”

“No,” Sylvain said quickly, grabbing his suitcase handle again, then flashed a smile. “I mean, it’s fine. I got it.”

Felix stared at him, bewildered. What the hell had gotten into Sylvain all of a sudden? He was acting so antsy.

As much as Felix wanted to call him out on it, he kept his questions to himself. Sylvain was probably just anxious about having to see his parents, and it was making him act weird. Besides, Felix didn’t want to start an argument when Sylvain was about to leave.

“Alright,” Felix said at last. “Well ... just remember, you don’t have to stay there if they’re total assholes to you. You know that, right?”

Sylvain froze for a second, his smile faltering before returning again. This time, it was a little softer and more genuine. “Yeah, I know. Thanks, Felix.”

Silence fell over them, as they still remained standing at a slight distance apart. Felix’s arms remained tensely at his sides. He felt like he should do or say something, but he didn’t know what.

“So,” Sylvain said, drawing out the word, “do I get a hug goodbye or what?”

Although there was a teasing note to his tone, there was a hint of hesitation in it like he was afraid Felix would refuse. And, well, that had been Felix’s first instinct; he had gone tense at the question and stubbornly crossed his arms. But the way Sylvain was looking at him—a bashful tilt to his smile and his arms outstretched—Felix begrudgingly knew that he couldn’t resist.

He rolled his eyes, but he still stepped forward. “Fine.”

Sylvain’s arms wrapped around him right away, solid and warm. Felix went rigid at their close proximity, and his own arms felt stiff as they slid around Sylvain’s torso in return. But when Sylvain continued to hold him, resting his chin on top of Felix’s head and letting out a content little sigh, the tension eased out of Felix’s body.

Without even thinking about it, Felix rested his forehead against Sylvain’s shoulder. The texture of Sylvain’s peacoat was a bit scratchy, but Felix didn’t mind. He allowed his eyes to close, as he dwelled in the comfort of Sylvain’s embrace and the familiar scent on his clothes ... something that reminded him of fresh winter air.

He didn’t realize how long they’d been hugging until Sylvain’s arms pulled away, and he put his hands on Felix’s shoulders.

Felix blinked as he stepped back, then froze when he realized that Sylvain was still holding onto his shoulders and that their faces were only a few inches apart. There was that indecipherable look on Sylvain’s face again—the same one he’d had in the kitchen the other evening, when they’d accidentally fallen against each other. His gaze flitted over Felix’s face like he was trying to memorize it.

But it only lasted about half a second before his usual smile returned again, and he gave Felix a pat on the arm.

“I should probably get going, huh?”

Felix was pulled back to reality again. “Probably,” he said.

Sylvain paused, like he was waiting for something else, but then let go of Felix and grasped the handle of his suitcase.

“Alright, I’m heading out. Try not to miss me too much.”

“I think I’ll manage.”

That pulled a short laugh out of Sylvain as he headed towards the door. “Okay, well ... see you in a couple days.”

“Text me when you get there.”

“I will. Bye!”

The door shut soundly behind Sylvain as he left the apartment, the dull thud reverberating through the walls. Felix winced like the sound had been a physical blow, and then continued to stand there in the middle of the living room with his arms crossed.

The silence and emptiness of the apartment became more apparent with each passing second. And with it, there was a sense of loneliness gnawing deep in Felix’s chest.

He tried to shake it off, letting out a small hmph as he turned back towards the couch. Zeus was curled up at one corner, and had lifted his head at the sound of the door closing. He looked up at Felix with sleepy yellow eyes, blinking slowly.

“He didn’t even wish me a merry Christmas,” Felix informed the cat.

Zeus yawned and stretched out his front paws in reply, before laying his head down and going back to sleep.

“Yeah, I think you have the right idea.”

Felix looked over in the direction of the door one more time, as if staring at it long enough would make Sylvain reappear. When no such thing happened, he headed back towards the couch and sat down.

He just sat there at first, contemplating what to do next. Outside, he could hear the occasional whoosh of a car passing by, but otherwise everything was quiet except for the periodic creaking noise from the radiator or the thump of footsteps from the apartment above. Felix thought about at least turning on some music or the TV to fill the silence, but he suddenly felt too drained to even do that.

His laptop was still sitting open on the couch next to him, and he reached over to close it and move it to the coffee table. Sighing, he lay down on his side with his arm propped under his head and squeezed his eyes shut. Maybe he would just take a nap, and hopefully not wake up until Christmas was over.

It probably wasn’t even half an hour later when Felix’s phone buzzed in his pocket. He had already been half-asleep and had no idea how long his phone had been going off. But when he pulled it out, his screen displayed an array of notifications—two missed calls and a bunch of text messages, all of which were from Annette.

Frowning, Felix sat up and opened his messages.

annette: hey feliiiiix

annette: FELIX!!!!!

annette: i just called you twice omg where are you

annette: felix pls it’s an emergency i need your help pleeaaaase

The last message in particular caught Felix’s attention, although judging by the amount of pleading face and crying emojis following it, hopefully Annette’s “emergency” wasn’t anything too serious. Still, his concern was enough to make him immediately tap the “call” icon next to Annette’s name.

It didn’t even get through the first ring before Annette picked up. “Felix!” she exclaimed. “Oh, thank goodness. I thought you’d never pick up!”

Judging by the muffled quality of her voice and the amount of background noise, she was in her car.

“Sorry,” Felix said, rubbing one of his eyes. “I was napping. What’s going on? Are you okay?”

“Oh, yeah, I’m fine. It’s just, I really really need your help with something and I hate to ask but I’m kinda freaking out.”

Felix’s frown deepened. What on earth could Annette need his help with that badly, and on Christmas Eve of all days?

“What is it?”

“Ugh, okay. It’s going to sound stupid but ... I haven’t gotten Mercie a Christmas present yet!” She blurted out the last part in a rush, the words high-pitched and frantic.

“And ... ?” Felix prompted, still not exactly seeing why this was such a huge emergency.

“‘And’? Felix, how can you say that? This is me and Mercie’s first Christmas together. I can’t mess this up, or—or—”

“Or, what? You think Mercedes would break up with you over something like that?”

“I don’t know! Maybe!”

Felix sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Annette was one of his best friends in the world, but it was difficult to calm her down when she got into one of these moods.

“First of all,” he said, “I’m sure Mercedes will love anything you get her. Seriously. Secondly, why do you need my help with this?”

He could hear the faint clicking sound in the background of Annette’s turn signal before she said, “Okay, hear me out. I was kinda hoping you could maybe ... come with me? To pick something out?”

“What? Why?” Felix asked. Then realizing how unintentionally rude that had probably sounded he added, “I just mean, I don’t think I’m the best person to—”

“Please, Felix? I would feel a lot better if someone went with me. Plus, pretty much everyone else has plans, so I thought ... I dunno, it could be fun!”

Felix didn’t answer right away. He knew Annette hadn’t meant anything hurtful by it, but the implication that she knew he was the only one of their friends who’d be alone on Christmas ... He was starting to have a sneaking suspicion that this was one of her schemes and that this was an excuse for her to drag him out of the house—that she was doing it out of pity.

But as much as the thought made a bitter feeling crawl up his throat, he tried to put aside his pride and be grateful that Annette at least wanted to spend time with him on Christmas Eve.

He let out a relenting sigh. “Fine,” he said. “I mean, yes. I’ll go with you.”

“Yay!” Annette exclaimed so loudly that Felix held the phone away from his ear. “You’re the best, Felix! I owe you, like, a million favors. Anyway, I’m already like two minutes away from your house—”

“You’re what?”

“—So be ready! Okay, byyye!” She dragged out the word so long that she was practically singing it, then abruptly hung up before Felix could ask any more questions.

Felix put his phone down, feeling like he’d just been hit over the head. Two minutes ... that didn’t give him much time to prepare to go out. He glanced down at his outfit—a black turtleneck sweater and jeans—and decided that was reasonable enough.

He looked over at Zeus, who blinked back at him sleepily. “You see what I have to put up with, Zeus?” Felix said. His cat ignored him as usual, burying his head under one of his paws.

By the time Felix had found his boots and pulled them on, and shoved his arms through the sleeves of his coat, he already had a text from Annette that read “i’m heeeeere!!!!!” followed by a string of sparkling pink heart emojis. Although Felix rolled his eyes, he couldn’t help the small smile of fondness that rose to his face.

When he stepped out of the apartment building, Annette had pulled up to the curb outside and was waiting for him in her small silver car. She waved at him enthusiastically as if she thought he wouldn’t notice her, and Felix acknowledged it with a faint smile and a nod before he opened the passenger door.

Annette was busy grabbing things from the passenger seat and throwing them into the back. “Felix! Oh my gosh, my car is so messy I’m so, so sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Felix said, sliding into the passenger seat as soon as it was empty.

Annette was tossing the last offending item into the backseat—what appeared to be a scrunched-up takeout bag—before she turned back around and smiled. She looked as put-together as always, wearing a pastel blue coat that contrasted with the red of her hair, and a fluffy white scarf.

“Seriously, I can’t thank you enough,” she said, already starting to drive away from the curb. “You’re a real lifesaver, Felix.”

“Nice to see you, too.”

“Oh, don’t use that tone with me. You know I’m happy to see you, dummy!” Before Felix could protest at the insult, Annette continued, “So, how’s it going? I’m sorry we haven’t gotten to hang out in a while.”

Felix shrugged. “It’s been fine.”

He told her a bit about the fencing lessons he’d been teaching, and how he’d taken the week off. The gym wouldn’t be too busy again until after New Year’s rolled around, anyway. He also told her about the Christmas pageant and how well it had gone, and how proud Sylvain had been of it.

Annette, in turn, told him about what had been going on in her own life. She’d been doing a few music gigs around town recently, mostly at cafés. She was thinking about starting a YouTube channel where she could post some of the new songs she was working on. She and Mercedes had moved in together, and Mercedes was working at the hospital most of the day usually, but the two of them spent time together whenever they could.

“Does Mercedes have today off?” Felix asked, when Annette had finished speaking.

Annette shook her head and sighed. “No, she’s been at work since really early. But she at least was able to get tonight off.”

“You two have plans?”

At that, Annette fell quiet for a second and bit her lip. “Um, well, actually,” she said, drumming her fingers against the steering wheel, “we’re gonna go to my dad’s for dinner.”

Felix’s eyes widened. “Really? But I thought you didn’t—” He cut himself off there, realizing that he’d probably been about to cross a line, and quickly shut his mouth.

Luckily, Annette didn’t seem offended. “Yeah, yeah. I know. It’s a little surprising that he invited us. But, well, he wants to meet Mercie. Also, we’ve been talking a lot more recently, and ... and I think he really does want to patch things up.”

Something about those words made a heavy feeling settle in Felix’s stomach. Like Annette, he’d also had a complicated relationship with his father, but ... in his case, there was no chance of fixing that anymore. He glared ahead at the dashboard, swallowing.

“I hope it goes well,” he said at last, and he genuinely meant it.

“Thanks, Felix,” said Annette, glancing in his direction with a small smile. Then, seeming to want to change the subject, she cleared her throat. “Anyway ... how’s Sylvain?”

Although she asked the question casually, Felix could detect a hint of curiosity underneath it that made him go tense.

“Fine,” he answered. “He already left to go to his parents’ house for the holidays.”

Annette made a faint hmm sound. “Okay, but, like ... how are things going?”

A teasing sing-song quality had seeped into her tone, and Felix could feel his face heating up in humiliation. He had made the mistake of telling Annette about his stupid crush on Sylvain about a year ago—and although she had vowed not to tell a single soul, she still took every opportunity to bring it up.

Felix’s mind unhelpfully provided the memory of that particularly tense moment in the kitchen from the other day, followed by the lingering hug he’d shared with Sylvain earlier today.

“There’s no thing,” he said at last, looking sharply out the window. “Trust me.”

“How do you know? Have you talked to him about it?”

“... No.”

“Then how do you—”

“Because!” Felix cut off Annette before she could ask the question. They’d had this conversation dozens of times before. “We’ve lived together almost two years now. If he really wanted to ...”

He stopped there, partly because he was worried he’d said too much, but also because he didn’t know how to complete the sentence. If he really wanted to be with me, he would’ve said something by now. He would’ve made a move. He would have stayed with me instead of leaving me alone on Christmas.

Then again, a small voice at the back of Felix’s head whispered, it wasn’t like Felix himself had done any of those things either. And if he’d wanted Sylvain to stay with him, he could’ve asked. But the very thought of that was so mortifying that he wanted to smack himself on the forehead.

“I’m sorry, Felix. We don’t have to talk about it. I—I shouldn’t have brought it up,” Annette said in a rush. Her voice had risen in pitch a little bit, like it always did when she was nervous, and Felix felt a sudden twinge of guilt.

“It’s okay. I’m not mad or anything, just ... I don’t know. The whole thing is confusing.”

Felix stared down at his lap, picking at a loose thread on his jeans where one of the knees was starting to wear down. He took a deep breath, on the verge of spilling everything just for the sake of telling someone. But he decided to hold back as he usually did. Now really wasn’t the time to burden Annette with his relationship woes, especially when she was probably already stressed about enough things right now.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the way Annette’s shoulders relaxed a little. “Aw, yeah. I totally get that. But you know you can always talk to me if you need to, right?”

Her voice was quieter this time, and it made the hard shell around Felix’s heart crack. There was a reason why he had often confided in Annette. She was always easy to talk to and willing to listen.

“I know,” he said. “Thanks.” A brief, awkward silence descended before Felix abruptly changed the subject. “Anyway, enough about me. What about this whole ... Christmas present emergency? Where are we even going?”

“Right, that,” Annette said, brightening again. “I’m not really sure. I think we should avoid the mall ‘cause I’m sure it’s nuts, and I know you hate it there. So, I’m thinking we can just go to the center of town? It’s probably busy but not quite as bad ...”

She kept talking, and Felix listened. When he’d first met Annette, he’d been a bit off-put by how talkative she was—but over time, it was something he’d grown to appreciate about her. It was nice to have a friend who knew how to fill the silence.

It wasn’t long until they reached the center of town. As Annette had predicted, it was bustling with activity—people with arms full of shopping bags crowded the sidewalks, bundled in their coats and hats. Gaudy wreaths hung on storefronts, and glittering string lights hung between the rows of lampposts.

Felix wasn’t too thrilled about the crowds, but at least it didn’t look as bad as he had expected. Probably by this point, most people had already finished their shopping.

Almost as soon as they had set foot onto the sidewalk, Annette grabbed Felix by the wrist and dragged him along to a nearby art supply store. Annette went right to the sewing and embroidery section, and took an exceedingly long time sorting through various packages of needles and spools of thread, but ended up wrinkling her nose and shaking her head at most of them before setting them aside.

“Besides,” she said at last, “it just doesn’t feel very personal, you know? And, like, I’ve gotten her a lot of embroidery stuff before. She probably doesn’t need any more.”

Felix, having not much to contribute to this subject, shrugged as he idly looked over a rack of different types of buttons. “I’m sure she’d appreciate it anyway.”

“Ugh, no, you don’t get it. It has to be special,” Annette insisted with a stubborn pout.

As much as he thought Annette was being a little ridiculous, Felix had a feeling he wasn’t going to win this argument. Annette had always been a perfectionist. No amount of reasoning was going to change her mind.

So, naturally, Felix found himself following Annette from store to store for the next hour or so. Each one was hung with twinkle lights or fake snowflakes and playing gleeful Christmas tunes, and other shoppers meandered up and down the aisles in search of last-minute gifts.

First they went to a bookstore, then an antique shop, then a clothing store. At each one, Annette would take a long time sorting through item after item, sometimes asking for Felix’s opinion but often just scouring over the shelves on her own while muttering to herself. Felix followed after her, absently perusing the wares of each store, and contributing a comment or two whenever Annette asked him a question.

He tried not to feel irritated. After all, he knew Annette was anxious to find something perfect for Mercedes. More than anything, she’d probably just needed his moral support. But after a while, Felix’s feet ached and he hoped this excursion would be over soon.

They walked into yet another store—a small jewelry store, where they were greeted cheerfully by the owner standing at the counter—when Annette’s phone buzzed. She scrambled to take it out of her coat pocket, looked at the screen, glanced at Felix, then shoved the phone back into her pocket again.

Felix frowned. “Something wrong?”

“Huh? No, no,” Annette stammered. “Just a text from Mercie. She said she’s gonna head home in a little less than an hour. Guess I’d better pick something out, huh?”

Something about Annette’s behavior seemed off, but Felix couldn’t put a finger on what it was. Before he could question her at all, though, she was already moving over to a tall, spinning rack of earrings and examining them intently.

Suddenly, she gasped and picked something up. “Oh, my gosh. Felix, look at these!”

Felix looked. Annette was holding a pair of large dangling earrings—oval-shaped and made out of some kind of polished blue stone, lined around the edges in silver.

“Those are ... nice,” Felix said, when he realized Annette was awaiting his input.

Annette lowered the earrings a bit, an anxious gleam entering her eyes. “Just ‘nice’?”

“I—no, I meant ... I think they’re perfect for Mercedes,” Felix corrected himself, stumbling over the words. “I don’t know anything about jewelry, but—”

“You think so?” said Annette, before Felix could even finish his sentence. “Yay! I’m so glad we finally found something!”

We? Felix thought, but he didn’t want to dampen Annette’s enthusiasm. Also, she had excitedly thrown her arms around him and was now hugging him tightly—something that only Annette and a handful of other people could get away with—and Felix couldn’t help but smile as he patted her on the back.

Annette stepped away again, turning the earrings over to look at the price tag. “Hm, okay ... a little expensive. But, you know what? It’s totally worth it. She’s gonna love them!”

Within a few minutes, Annette had purchased the earrings at the front counter, and they had been elegantly wrapped in silvery wrapping paper and placed into a small red gift bag.

As they exited the store, Annette thanked Felix about ten times for accompanying her on this mission.

“Thanks again, Felix. Really! It means so much.”

“I don’t know how much help I was, but ...”

“Oh, c’mon. You were super helpful! Besides, I like hanging out with you.” She playfully nudged him in the arm with her elbow.

Felix huffed out a small laugh. “Well, I’m glad you think so. And yes, this was ... nice. Better than sitting alone in my apartment all day, anyway.”

He had maybe let a bit too much bitterness seep into his voice at that last sentence, because Annette was suddenly looking at him with a concerned little furrow in her brow. Almost as soon as Felix caught it, though, Annette’s face lit up again.

“Hey, I mean, I don’t have to drive you home right away. Do you wanna go grab hot chocolate first maybe? Or, well, I’ll get hot chocolate and you can ... get something not sweet.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to keep you too long.”

Annette made a pfft noise as she grabbed him by the arm. “Please, I still have a bit of time until Mercie gets home, and I’m sure she won’t mind if I’m a bit late. Besides, it’ll be my treat for dragging you around all afternoon.”

From her eager tone, Felix had a feeling she wasn’t going to take “no” for an answer. Part of him was still worried she was only offering to hang out with him out of pity, but ... then again, his only other option was sitting around at home on Christmas Eve totally by himself. He figured he could delay that miserable part of the evening for a bit longer.

“Alright,” he relented, “as long as I’m not cutting into your plans or anything.”

“Oh, shush, I already told you I don’t have plans ‘til later!” Annette shook his arm and started to lead him along the sidewalk. “Now, c’mon! This way!”

Soon, they were seated inside a cozy café next to the window. Soft, jazzy instrumental music played overhead. Annette hummed along while stirring her hot chocolate, which was topped with a horrifying mountain of whipped cream.

“How are you even drinking that?” Felix asked.

“Um, because it’s amazing.” Annette paused to take a long sip. When she pulled the mug away again, there was whipped cream coating her upper lip like a white mustache. “Whoops,” she said, then suddenly gasped right as she was about to wipe it off. “Wait—look, Felix! I’m Santa Claus.”

“You’re missing the beard.”

“Well, as much as I’d like to commit to the role, I’m not gonna stick my chin in whipped cream.” Annette wiped her mouth on her napkin. “Anyway, what are you drinking?”

Felix looked down into his own cup of coffee, wrapping his hands around the mug. “Oh, uh ... it’s called ‘Gingerbread Spice’ or something,” he said nonchalantly. When he looked up he found that Annette was gaping back at him in shock. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I—nothing,” Annette answered, seeming to come back to her senses. “Just ... you, Felix Fraldarius, drinking holiday-themed coffee? Who are you? Oh, my God. Are you an evil clone or something?”

Felix scoffed and looked out the window, watching as people strolled by on the sidewalk. “I don’t see why it’s a big deal. I tried it for the first time the other day and I liked it, alright?”

He hoped Annette wouldn’t question him further. Otherwise, he’d have to explain why the flavor reminded him of something—or rather, someone—specific, that the undertones of ginger and nutmeg reminded him of warm amber eyes and a crooked grin, reminded him of Sylvain casually brushing a snowflake from Felix’s nose.

Surprisingly, Annette didn’t respond. When Felix looked over at her, he found it was because she’d been distracted by her phone lighting up with a new message. Her eyes skimmed over it, but then she slapped a hand over it when she noticed Felix watching her.

“Everything alright?” he asked her, noting the panicked look on her face.

“Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah.” Annette smiled again, but it looked weirdly forced and nervous. She took another long drink of hot chocolate. “Got a text from Mercie, that’s all. Said she just got out of work.”

“Oh. Okay. Well, we don’t have to stay much longer if you need to head home,” said Felix. He still had a sneaking suspicion that something was off, or that Annette was more eager to leave than she was letting on—since she kept glancing at her phone and shifting around in her chair—but he didn’t say anything, knowing that she’d probably deny it again.

This time, though, she nodded in reply. “Yeah, I probably should be heading back pretty soon. But we can finish our drinks first, of course! And then I can drive you home, okay?”

“Sounds good,” Felix said, then gulped down some coffee to try and wash down the sudden thick feeling in his throat.

It was stupid, but with every passing moment he was dreading going back to his apartment more and more. He wasn’t sure why it stung so much ... after all, he’d spent the past couple of Christmases by himself, so it wasn’t like this was new to him. And at least he’d gotten to spend some time with Annette, which was more than he’d been expecting.

Maybe it was the realization that he’d probably have to become accustomed to it being like this. He’d have to keep spending the holidays by himself, or only invited along to things as an afterthought. Yes, he realized he was being irrational, but maybe it was better to be pessimistic than to get his hopes up for anything else.

At least he was able to push the dismal train of thought to the back of his mind as he and Annette continued their conversation, reminiscing about their college days and discussing various baking shows that they both watched. (Felix didn’t care much for actual baking, but he liked the competitive aspect of such shows.) Felix told a story about how Zeus had crawled onto his chest and sneezed into his mouth the other morning, and Annette laughed so hard she almost choked on her hot chocolate.

Finally, they had both emptied their mugs and the sky outside was starting to turn a rosy color as the sun began to set.

“Guess we’d probably get going,” Annette said with a sigh, after peering at her phone one more time.

She got up from the small table and started to gather her things. Felix did the same, getting to his feet and grabbing his coat from where he’d draped it over the back of his chair.

On the ride home, Annette turned the radio up and sang loudly along to each song, and Felix poked fun at her “caterwauling” as he called it. He also took the opportunity to remind her of all the embarrassing songs she’d written in college about various girls she’d had crushes on—and luckily because she was driving, she couldn’t try to tackle him as she would probably do otherwise.

Finally, they pulled up to the apartment building, and Annette brought the car to a stop.

“Thanks,” Felix said, “for driving me home, but also ... for spending time with me today. I had a good time.”

“Aww. Of course, Felix! I had fun, too,” Annette said brightly. Then she hesitated, tapping her fingers on the side of the steering wheel. “Actually, uh, before I go ... would it be okay if I come inside for a minute to use your bathroom? I gotta pee real bad. You know, all that hot chocolate.”

“Oh,” said Felix. “Yeah, sure.”

“Thank you, thank you. You’re the best.” Annette quickly switched off the engine. “C’mon, let’s go.”

Felix frowned to himself as he got out of the car. Annette sounded ... weirdly excited about using the bathroom. Maybe she just needed to go really badly. Well, Felix wasn’t going to question it.

They walked up to the building, through the front doors, and up the stairs to his apartment door. Annette hummed along the way, and Felix thought she sounded a bit ... anxious, or like she was impatiently anticipating something. Probably she was just eager to go home as soon as possible.

Felix sighed when they reached the door, wiping his boots off a bit on the welcome mat as his hand fumbled in his pocket for his keys. Annette danced back and forth on her feet as she waited next to him, her humming growing faster, and Felix had a feeling she was passive aggressively implying that she wanted him to hurry. Okay, apparently she needed to use the bathroom very badly.

Finally, Felix managed to pull his keys out and find the right one for the apartment. He pushed the key into the lock and turned it, jiggling it a few times and muttering a curse under his breath as he shouldered the door open, and—

Warm light streamed out from the opening. What the hell? He didn’t remember leaving the lights on when he went out. Had he left them on by accident? But it hadn’t even been that dark out when he left ... Oh, God. Had someone broken in? Did burglars usually turn the light on when they broke into places?

“Felix,” Annette hissed, poking him in the arm. “Come on! What are you waiting for?”

He sensed something distinctly different in her tone all of a sudden, somewhere between impatience and excitement, and ... okay, something strange was definitely going on. Felix had no idea what it was, but—

He opened the door all the way.

“Surprise!”

The sudden rush of light and noise was so much that Felix almost stumbled back. Luckily, Annette was there to catch him by the arm, otherwise he might have fallen over. Instead, he stood frozen in the doorway as he tried to process what was in front of him.

Besides all the lights being on, the living room was also full of people. Felix blinked as he took in the sight of each familiar face, and felt like he was dreaming as he did so, because he was looking at the faces of almost all of his friends—Mercedes, Ingrid, Dimitri, Ashe, Dedue, Dorothea, and ...

“Felix!” Sylvain stepped out from the rest of the group, grinning widely. He winked. “Hey, glad you could finally join us.”

What ... ? Felix couldn’t think straight. His head spun and his heart raced as he struggled to comprehend everything that was happening. His friends were all here? Sylvain was here? They had all been waiting here ... for him?

He was still speechless with shock as Annette dragged him into the room and closed the door behind them. Felix stumbled on his own feet before managing to right himself, which saved him the embarrassment of almost pitching headfirst into Sylvain’s chest.

“Hey,” Sylvain said, reaching out to rest his hands on Felix’s shoulders. His smile had faltered a little. “You okay?”

“I’m ...” Felix started to say, finally finding his voice, then cleared his throat. “Yeah, I’m just ... you ... you’re here? Wh—What about your parents’ house? What about ...”

He couldn’t form a whole sentence, he was so overcome with an emotion he couldn’t name. As the shock was starting to wear off, it was replaced by something warm and glowing, like a flame slowly crackling to life behind his sternum. It only burned brighter as Sylvain’s smile returned softly, and his hands rubbed at Felix’s upper arms as if to warm him up.

“Ah, right, about that. Well ... there was kind of a change of plans.” He scratched the back of his neck and bit his lip. “Long story short, my parents and I canceled our plans last minute. And I thought it would be nice to get everyone together to surprise you, since, y’know, none of us wanted you to be alone on Christmas.”

He started to sound hesitant towards the end of the sentence, like he thought Felix might be angry about this for some reason. Realizing that he was probably still gaping at Sylvain in shock, Felix schooled his expression again.

“You ... all of you really did this ... for me?” was all he could say. Normally he might’ve been embarrassed by how small his voice sounded, almost breaking on the words, but right now he was too overwhelmed to care.

He looked around the room one more time, now noticing that the apartment had been decorated with glittery tinsel and paper snowflakes. There was even a miniature Christmas tree set up in the corner of the living room, twinkling with flashing red and green lights, and a small pile of wrapped presents gathered underneath it.

A light chuckle came from somewhere behind Sylvain, and Felix looked over to see it had been Dimitri, who was wearing a hideous Christmas sweater depicting a reindeer with terrifying googly eyes. Even his eyepatch was festive, with a little snowman face embroidered on it.

“Of course we did, Felix! We all wanted to celebrate with you. Besides, it’s been too long since we were all together.”

“It really has,” Mercedes chimed in, just as Annette ran over to her side and linked their arms together. “I’m so happy Sylvain arranged all of this. It’s wonderful to be with all of you again.”

“Were you super surprised?” Annette blurted. “Did you suspect anything? My distraction was pretty good, huh?”

“Your—” Felix started to say, then suddenly understood—the way Annette had conveniently called him right after Sylvain left the apartment, how she’d been glued to her phone the whole time they were shopping like she was waiting for some kind of signal … “Wait. So, the whole last-minute Christmas shopping thing was a distraction?”

Mercedes tilted her head in interest as she looked over at Annette. “Last-minute Christmas shopping?”

Annette had suddenly turned bright red. “Well, um, it wasn’t just a distraction,” she said, in answer to Felix’s question. “I had to do some shopping anyway, and Sylvain just so happened to ask me to distract you for a while, but—never mind! You didn’t hear anything, Mercie!”

She reached up to put her hands over Mercedes’ ears, and Mercedes giggled before leaning over to kiss her girlfriend on top of the head.

Sylvain smiled at Felix one more time, squeezing his shoulders before letting go. “So,” he said, “now that we’re all here, I think it’s about time we celebrate. What do you say, Felix?”

Felix smiled back at him, as it fully dawned on him that Sylvain—and all of their other friends—were truly all here … and that for the first time in several years, he wouldn’t have to spend Christmas Eve by himself.

“Yeah,” he said, “I’d like that.”

Everyone cheered—and with that, a festive mood immediately set into the air. Dorothea went to go turn on some music on a nearby set of speakers. Ashe and Dedue had brought over a large container of some kind of stew, and both went into the kitchen to heat it up on the stovetop. Annette and Mercedes said something about setting up a cookie decorating station and also flocked to the kitchen to set it up on the table.

Ingrid, Sylvain, Dimitri, and Felix lingered in the entryway to the living room for a while, catching up with each other and reminiscing on some childhood memories of all the Christmas parties their parents had dragged them to when they were kids.

Felix had initially been surprised that both Ingrid and Dimitri had come out this far, since both of them lived about an hour away. But Ingrid explained she was also here to visit her parents for the holidays, and Dimitri bashfully admitted he had plans to spend Christmas with his new boyfriend, Claude—who Felix didn’t know very well, but had been another student at GMU.

Ashe soon brought out a plate of cheese and crackers that he had artfully arranged, and Ingrid broke out some eggnog, and everyone was soon milling around between the living room and the kitchen snacking before the stew was ready.

It had taken Felix a while to get into the flow of everything; he was still recovering from the shock of coming home and discovering everyone here. And social gatherings had never really been his forte ... although at least this one wasn’t too many people, and they were all friends that he knew well.

It also made it easier that Sylvain remained at his side almost the whole time, always there to pick up the conversation with their peers when Felix didn’t know what to say. There was more than one occasion on which he slipped an arm around Felix’s shoulders or put a hand on the small of Felix’s back, like he was doing it without even thinking, and each fleeting casual touch sent a warm prickling feeling up Felix’s spine.

He kept glancing up at Sylvain whenever he was busy talking to someone and wouldn’t notice Felix watching him. Maybe it was the glow of string lights hung up all around them, but Felix kept getting this strange feeling like he was seeing Sylvain in a new light.

He had about a million questions ... mostly, he was curious about what had really happened with Sylvain and canceling his plans to see his parents. Felix didn’t want to question him about it too much, especially because he imagined it must have been a stressful and messy conversation, but he also had a feeling there was more to the story than Sylvain had let on.

In addition to that, he was a bit skeptical that Sylvain had pulled this whole plan together at the last minute, but then that meant ... that meant Sylvain had been planning it for a while, that he had brought together this elaborate scheme so that Felix wouldn’t be alone on Christmas. And, well, there were a lot of layers there that Felix couldn’t begin to dive into at the moment, but he was itching to ask Sylvain all about it later.

For now, he pushed away that complicated tangle of questions and feelings aside, and tried to focus on having a good time. Fortunately, there were a lot of things to distract him.

The stew that Ashe and Dedue had prepared was incredible—Dedue mentioned he had added extra spices since he knew Felix preferred his food very flavorful ... which had been the right decision, since Felix ate two whole bowls of it and had to hold himself back from eating even more.

Everyone gathered around the kitchen table for a while to decorate the gingerbread men that Annette and Mercedes had baked, and to drink some hot chocolate that Sylvain had prepared.

Although he didn’t like sweets very much, Felix still made an attempt at decorating one of the cookies—with somewhat disastrous results, as his gingerbread person ended up with two very differently-sized eyes and a mouth that looked more like a grimace than a smile—and gave it to Annette, who laughed so hard she started wheezing. Dimitri, meanwhile, intricately decorated his own gingerbread man to bear his own likeness—complete with an eyepatch—which earned many compliments from the others.

The party traveled over to the living room afterward. Naturally, Felix and Sylvain ended up sitting on the couch together, so close that their knees almost brushed. Felix might have normally been more self-conscious of it, if it wasn’t for the glass of wine he was drinking, which was spreading a pleasant buzz through his veins.

“All I Want For Christmas Is You” started playing over the speakers, which made Annette and Dorothea both squeal excitedly and jump to their feet. Soon they were dancing and singing loudly along at the center of the living room.

Annette tried to pull Mercedes into dancing with her, to which Mercedes initially only laughed and shook her head, but eventually relented thanks to Annette’s pouting and puppy-dog eyes.

Meanwhile, Dorothea swayed over towards where Ingrid was sitting in the armchair in the corner, sat down in her lap, and sang to her while Ingrid giggled and blushed furiously—which was ... an interesting development, since Felix hadn’t known there was anything going on between them.

Their other friends were being much quieter—Dimitri stood in the corner with a glass of eggnog and bobbed his head to the music, while Ashe and Dedue sat on the floor playing with Zeus, who had finally emerged from Felix’s room where he’d been hiding.

Things shortly calmed down, and Annette spoke up above the conversation: “Hey, everyone! Mercie and I are gonna have to leave pretty soon, so ... before we go, can we have gift time?”

Everyone nodded and voiced their agreement. At the same time, Felix stiffened and sat up straight.

“Gifts?” he said. “Oh, I ... I didn’t know everyone would be here, so I didn’t—”

Annette made a pshaw noise and waved her hand to stop him. “Don’t worry about it, Felix. You didn’t even know this was happening. Anyway, you should open me and Mercie’s present first!”

Felix was sure his face was already somewhat flushed from the alcohol he’d consumed, and by now he was probably turning beet red. “You ... brought gifts for me? You didn’t have to do that.”

Sylvain laughed quietly, giving him a pat on the shoulder. “Well, no, we didn’t have to,” he said teasingly, “but we all wanted to.”

Felix tried to think of something to say in return, although it was all far too corny for him to muster, even in his slightly intoxicated state—something about how all of his friends being here was more than he could have ever asked for.

Fortunately, before Felix could open his mouth and say anything embarrassing, Annette had excitedly grabbed a present from under the miniature Christmas tree and shoved it into Felix’s lap.

Thus began the gift exchange portion of the evening, during which many colorfully-wrapped presents were passed—or at times, thrown—across the room, and the air was soon filled with the sound of tearing paper and exclamations of excitement.

Annette and Mercedes had gotten Felix a custom-made blanket printed with photos of Zeus, including pictures of him as a tiny kitten when Felix had first adopted him. Felix was fairly certain it was the most beautiful thing he’d ever beheld.

He also received a box of fancy spices from Ashe and Dedue—some of which they’d grown in their own garden—and a book from Ingrid about the history of swords. Dimitri, practical as always, gave Felix a pair of fleece-lined black gloves.

Annette was very excited about the ukulele Sylvain had gotten her, and jumped up on the couch to hug him fiercely and thanked him about a hundred times. She then sat in the corner with Mercedes, as the two of them tuned it and tried out a few simple chords.

By then, there were already scraps of wrapping paper strewn all around and newly unwrapped gifts piled up on the coffee table. Felix was just settling back down on the couch again, when he was distracted by the feeling of a hand resting on his arm.

Amongst all the chaos, Felix almost hadn’t noticed how quiet Sylvain had been this whole time. But he was still seated next to Felix on the couch, and had now pulled out a rectangular box wrapped in silvery paper and tied with blue ribbon.

“Hey, uh ... I got you a little something, too.”

He was smiling, but there was something almost anxious about his tone of voice, as his gaze flitted between Felix’s face and the box he was holding out.

Felix looked down at the gift, his heart skipping before resuming its normal rhythm. He mentally shook himself. There was no need to get worked up over the fact that Sylvain had gotten him something—after all, he’d gotten gifts for all their other friends as well.

He reached out carefully, his fingers brushing Sylvain’s as he took hold of the small box.

“Sylvain—”

Sylvain held up a hand to stop him. “I know you’re gonna say I didn’t have to—but trust me, like I said before, I wanted to. And … I think you’re really gonna like this one.”

Felix could tell that Sylvain was trying to sound confident, but he knew Sylvain well enough to detect an underlying hint of worry, like he thought Felix wouldn’t like this gift—whatever it was.

Not knowing what else to say, Felix drew the present closer to himself and started to tug the ribbon free. He unfolded the wrapping paper, revealing an unmarked black box, and he frowned in curiosity. Then, he lifted up the lid. The inside was padded with velvety blue material, and at its center was …

“A Swiss Army knife ... ?”

Felix gingerly removed the object from the box. He clutched it in one hand, admiring the way the shiny red exterior caught the light.

He looked up at Sylvain then, remembering their conversation from the other day, and how he’d told Sylvain about the Swiss Army knife he’d lost at the airport. He hadn’t expected Sylvain to remember, and his eyes stung a little. Sylvain must have seen right through him, and had known how torn up Felix had really been over losing the prized possession.

He was already at a loss for words, but even more so when he saw the look on Sylvain’s face—like he was still waiting for Felix to notice something else. He nodded towards the object in Felix’s hand.

“It’s ... not just any Swiss Army knife,” he said. “Take a look at the other side.”

Felix didn’t comprehend the words at first, blinking at Sylvain in bewilderment, but then looked down and did what Sylvain had instructed. He turned the Swiss Army knife over to take a look at the other side.

No. No, way. It couldn’t be ...

But there it was—his name engraved on the back, a little faded at the edges with age. Felix’s hands shook as he ran a thumb over the letters as he always did, a lump growing in his throat.

“So,” Sylvain said, after Felix had remained speechless for about ten entire seconds. There was a cheery note to his voice, but there was still that lingering hint of anxiety underneath. “What do you think?”

“I ...” was all Felix could get out, his voice almost cracking on the single word. His fingers wrapped tightly around the Swiss Army knife as he looked up and met Sylvain’s gaze. “I don’t understand. You got it back? How?”

The question rushed out like it had been punched out of him, and he worried maybe it sounded too demanding—but he also had to know.

Sylvain seemed to anticipate the question, and he kept smiling as he looked down and rubbed the side of his neck.

“Well ... I knew you really cared about it, so I wanted to see if I could get it back somehow. Called up the TSA, talked with a bunch of people ... and, okay, might’ve used my family name a couple times, and might’ve shelled over a few bucks ... but, uh, luckily was able to get it back in the end.”

Not knowing how to respond, Felix let out a disbelieving huff that was almost a laugh. Then, before he even knew what he was doing, he surged forward to throw his arms around Sylvain’s neck and pull him into a tight hug.

Sylvain made a small oof noise, then wrapped an arm around Felix in return. He laughed, and the sound vibrated through Felix’s body as he pressed his forehead against Sylvain’s shoulder.

“You like it, I take it?” Sylvain asked, rubbing a hand against Felix’s back.

Felix knew he had held onto Sylvain for too long and that their friends were probably staring by now, but he hardly cared. He squeezed his stinging eyes shut as he let out a shuddering breath. “Yes,” he murmured, the word muffled against Sylvain’s sweater. “Thank you, Sylvain. Really.”

“Aww, you’re welcome.” Sylvain’s hand kept running up and down Felix’s spine before stopping between his shoulder blades. He rested his forehead against the top of Felix’s head. “Merry Christmas, Felix,” he said softly, like they were the only two people in the world.

The festivities started to wind down after that.

Everyone sat in the living room for a while longer, drinking wine and joking and laughing. At this point, Felix was practically pressed up against Sylvain’s side, their shoulders touching—and maybe it was the alcohol getting to his head, but Felix didn’t feel as self-conscious about it as he might have expected. It was comforting leaning into Sylvain’s warmth, and feeling the subtle vibration in his shoulder whenever Sylvain spoke or laughed.

Felix listened to his friends’ discussion, smiling in amusement whenever everyone chorused in laughter. He was still holding the Swiss Army knife in one hand, and kept discreetly looking down at it and stroking a thumb over the engraving on it over and over.

When he wasn’t doing that, he was sneaking glances at Sylvain and admiring the way he looked right now, like he was practically glowing in the warm living room lighting and the starry gleam of the string lights hanging above them. There was a somewhat rosy hint to his cheeks, and a glimmer to his eyes, and Felix was fairly certain he’d never seen Sylvain so happy.

And truly, that was the best gift he could’ve asked for.

As it grew dark outside, their guests started to leave. Annette and Mercedes were the first to go—because, as it turned out, they really were going to Annette’s dad’s house for dinner and that hadn’t been just a cover story. Both of them departed after hugging Sylvain and Felix about three times each and wishing them a Merry Christmas.

Dimitri left soon after that to go visit Claude, and Ashe and Dedue were soon to follow as they had a long drive back home. Dorothea departed after giving Felix a tight hug and Sylvain a friendly kiss on the cheek, and slipping Ingrid a snowflake-decorated napkin that Felix was fairly certain had her phone number on it judging by the way Ingrid turned bright red. Ingrid was the last to go, helping them to clean up a bit before she had to leave for her parents’ house.

After Ingrid had headed out, Sylvain shut the door and let out a happy sigh.

“Well, I’d call that evening a success, huh?” He turned to grin at Felix, who was standing in the living room entryway with his arms crossed.

Felix, still feeling dazed from everything that had just happened, managed a nod. “Yeah. It was really nice.”

He almost winced, wishing he could better articulate how meaningful all of this had been to him, but no words quite felt like enough. Some little voice at the back of his head yelled at him to say something; he’d spent the last hour or so trying to think of what he would say to Sylvain as soon as the two of them were alone, but now he seemed to have forgotten how to speak.

Sylvain hesitated, like he’d been about to say something else but then had thought better of it. He looked down and scratched the back of his head. “Anyway ... I should go clean up the kitchen.”

Felix wasn’t sure what he’d been hoping for, but his heart sank a little upon hearing the words. “Okay,” he said. “I’ll ... clean the living room.”

He couldn’t help but feel that they were dancing around a number of questions that still hung in the air between them. But they both avoided it for the time being, going their separate ways to clean their respective parts of the house.

There wasn’t much to clean up in the living room, besides a few stray scraps of wrapping paper, which Felix picked up and shoved into a trash bag. But he still lingered for a couple of minutes, standing in the same spot and listening to the faint clinking noises of Sylvain washing the dishes.

After taking a few deep breaths, he moved towards the kitchen with the trash bag dangling from one hand. He didn’t make his presence known at first—just stood in the doorway, watching as Sylvain stood over the sink and hummed to himself as he rinsed off a few plates. He had his sleeves pushed up to his elbows, and Felix’s eyes drifted traitorously towards Sylvain’s exposed forearms.

Right then, Sylvain looked up and nearly dropped the dish he was holding. “Felix—oh, my God. How long have you been standing there?”

Felix tore his gaze away. He could feel his face heating, and hoped it wasn’t visible in the dim kitchen light.

“Not long. I just wanted to see if you needed any help.”

“Oh.” Sylvain moved over to make room for Felix near the sink. “Actually, yeah, that’d be great. If you could help dry this stuff and put it away, it’d probably be a little faster.”

Wordlessly, Felix swallowed and nodded. After depositing the trash bag into the garbage can, he grabbed a dish towel and went to go stand next to Sylvain.

The chore passed by in a few minutes with the two of them working together, as they so often did, with Sylvain washing and rinsing the dishes and then handing them to Felix, who dried them and put them up in the cupboard.

They made casual conversation as they worked, mostly discussing their friends. Felix filled Sylvain in on what he’d heard from Annette, about how she finally seemed to be reconnecting with her dad. And they both agreed that there was definitely something interesting going on between Ingrid and Dorothea.

Although he typically wasn’t one for idle gossip, Felix found himself content to talk about just about anything right now besides the lingering tension in the air—afraid that if he even dared to broach the subject, it would somehow end in disaster.

Once the last plate had been cleaned and put away, Sylvain let out a short sigh and glanced at the clock above the stove. “Hey, the night is still pretty young,” he said. “I was thinking maybe we could watch a Christmas movie or two. Sound good?”

Felix hesitated, then gave a small shrug of one shoulder before he nodded. “Sure, as long it’s not anything stupid.”

“That’s the holiday spirit! Hey, maybe you can pick the first movie, and then I can pick a second one if we’re not too tired after that?”

This was sort of a tradition with them at this point when it came to watching movies together, that they alternated between choosing what to watch. Although there was some common ground, they had some key differences in taste. Mainly that Sylvain loved rom-coms while Felix despised them. But as long as they got to take turns picking movies, Felix secretly didn’t really mind watching corny things as long as he was watching them with Sylvain.

“Sounds good,” he said.

“Perfect!” Sylvain grinned, patting Felix on the shoulder. “I’m gonna make myself some more cocoa, and I’ll bring you tea, okay? Go pick out something good.”

In the living room, Felix plopped down on the couch and grabbed the remote. By the time he had selected something, Sylvain had walked in with a steaming mug in each hand.

“Die Hard?” he said, when he saw what Felix had pulled up on the TV.

Felix shot him a challenging glare. “It takes place on Christmas.”

“Okay, fine. Fair enough,” Sylvain said with another laugh, sitting down next to him. “But after this I’m forcing you to watch Love, Actually.”

They started the movie and Sylvain draped a blanket over both of them. Felix scooted over to sit sideways on the couch with his legs stretched out, so that his feet rested in Sylvain’s lap. He clutched his mug in both hands and held it close to his face, reveling in its warmth and pleasant aroma as he took occasional sips of tea.

He was soon too absorbed in the movie to think of much else, besides supplying some wry commentary here and there and smirking subtly to himself every time he made Sylvain laugh. They both set their mugs on the coffee table once they were empty, and Felix shifted his position so he was facing fully forward again, but he still maintained about a foot of space between himself and Sylvain.

Towards the end of the movie, Felix kept almost nodding off. Every time Sylvain called him out for looking sleepy, though, he insisted he was just “resting his eyes”—and then would elbow Sylvain for telling him he sounded like a grandpa.

He wasn’t sure when it had happened, but he had moved a few inches closer to Sylvain by the time they were about halfway through Love, Actually. Sylvain’s arm had been draped across the back of the couch, but now gradually slid down until it settled around Felix’s shoulders.

Until then, Felix had felt like he was on the verge of sleep again, but now he snapped back to attention. He stiffened at Sylvain’s unexpected casual touch—but then when it became clear Sylvain wasn’t going to pull away, Felix cautiously leaned into it.

It wasn’t like they’d never sat close together on the couch before, but Felix was pretty sure they’d never sat this close. Something also felt distinctly different, with the way they were illuminated in the soft glow of the string lights they’d left up, and how Felix found himself pulled further into Sylvain’s warmth until their sides were pressed together. They were so close that if they were to both turn their faces towards each other, they could easily—

Stop it. He cut the thought off and tried to concentrate on the movie, and to just be content that his best friend was here with him on Christmas Eve. That was all that mattered, and it didn’t have to mean anything else.

His concentration soon slipped away again, though, as his eyelids began to droop. Felix let them fall shut—just for a couple of minutes, he told himself—and watched the faint flicker of the light from the TV through his closed eyelids ...

The next thing he knew, he was blinking awake to the sound of faint music playing. The television screen was dark except for the credits scrolling over it.

Groggily, Felix began to sit up. And it was then that he realized, to his great humiliation, that his head had been resting on Sylvain’s shoulder, and that Sylvain’s arm was still wrapped around him.

“Shit,” Felix muttered, rubbing at one eye. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

“No worries,” Sylvain said. His arm slipped away from Felix’s shoulders, and he stretched with a yawn. “I kinda drifted off for a bit, too. Still caught the very end, though.”

“So, I missed the part where you cry?” Felix said with a smirk. They’d watched this movie together before, and he knew Sylvain always cried at the end at the montage of all the people meeting each other and hugging at the airport. Truthfully, Felix found it endearing that Sylvain always got teary during corny movie montages, although he’d never say so out loud.

“Excuse me, it’s emotional,” Sylvain said defensively, “ ... So, yeah, I might’ve gotten a little misty-eyed. What about it?”

Felix just laughed in response, and then a brief silence fell over them. Felix’s smile started to fade. He could still feel the lingering, phantom weight of Sylvain’s arm around his shoulders, and wished it was still there.

He rubbed at his arm, looking down at his lap. “Hey—”

“So—” Sylvain said at the same time, then his eyes widened. “Oh, sorry. You go first.”

Felix blinked, his heart rate picking up as he noticed the way Sylvain was watching him expectantly. He took a deep breath.

“I was just going to ... well, I didn’t really get a chance to say thank you earlier,” he said, “for everything. I thought I was going to be alone tonight, so ... it meant a lot, to have everyone here.”

He wasn’t accustomed to saying so much in one breath, and had to pause as he nervously looked down and scrambled to find the right words to express his gratitude.

“Not just for that, though,” he continued. “I know I already thanked you for getting my knife back, but ... really, thank you. You didn’t have to do that.”

Sylvain looked surprised for a second before his mouth turned up in a smile. “Hey, it was no problem. I knew it was important to you.”

“Still,” Felix said, giving Sylvain a meaningful look—one that he hoped conveyed that he knew how much effort Sylvain had put into the gift. “I appreciate it. And also just ... having you here. I know it’s because you had a last minute change of plans and all, but ...”

He stopped when he saw the sudden change in Sylvain’s facial expression, how his smile dropped and he looked down sheepishly. “Actually,” Sylvain said, “about that.”

Felix frowned, waiting for him to continue, but Sylvain had fallen strangely silent. “About … what?”

Sylvain rested his hands on his lap, picking at a stray thread on the blanket draped over his knees. “I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to tell you this,” he said at last, “but ... I sort of lied before, about canceling things with my parents last minute.

“I had actually been considering it for a while. But when I realized you were going to be alone on Christmas Eve again, it kinda sealed the deal for me. So … a few days ago, I called my parents and told them I wasn’t going.”

He said it all in a rush, like he’d been struggling to come up with a way to explain this for a long time. He wouldn’t meet Felix’s gaze, still staring fiercely downwards.

Felix stared at him, trying to comprehend what Sylvain had just said and what it all meant—that he’d chosen to not be with his parents on Christmas, that he’d made the conscious decision to be with his friends instead. To be with Felix.

After a moment of hesitation, Felix leaned over and rested a hand on top of Sylvain’s. Typically he might’ve been more anxious about the gesture, but he thought it was important right now to convey to Sylvain how serious he was about what he was going to say. Fortunately, it seemed to work, and Sylvain stared at Felix’s hand over his before looking up in surprise.

The confidence Felix had experienced a moment ago was suddenly gone, and his heart stuttered as he and Sylvain made eye contact. But he still tightened his hand over Sylvain’s before he spoke.

“That’s ...” he started to say, then paused as he searched carefully for the right words. “That was really brave of you, Sylvain. It must’ve been really hard, standing up to them like that.”

Sylvain stared back at him, his eyes looking a little shiny, before he bit his lip and looked down at their linked hands. Felix felt a shift under his palm and thought that Sylvain was pulling away, but then realized Sylvain was turning his hand over and interlocking their fingers.

“Thanks, Felix,” he said. “Yeah, it was, uh ... not the best experience. There was, y’know, a lot of them yelling at me over the phone—telling me I was selfish and ungrateful, guilt-tripping me because I’m their only living son ... you know, the usual.”

He had started doing that thing he often did, where he talked so casually about how his parents abused him. It always pained Felix to hear it, especially because he knew Sylvain was trying not to worry him.

Felix kept studying his profile in the soft light, contemplating how best to respond. They were still holding hands, and now Felix gave Sylvain’s hand another reassuring squeeze.

“I hope you know that you’re not any of those things they called you,” he said, as firmly as he could manage. Providing comfort was something he’d never been particularly good at, but he at least wanted to try. “You’re one of the most caring, unselfish people I know. You don’t owe your parents shit after how they’ve treated you. You deserve better than that. And that’s what you did—you chose what was best for yourself.”

He came to a stop, a little out of breath from saying so much at once. Throughout the small speech, he had felt his face growing gradually warmer, but he still maintained serious eye contact as Sylvain looked back at him in shock.

Then Sylvain’s expression softened again. “I know,” he said, with the faintest hint of a smile. “I appreciate that. I just feel kinda bad that I didn’t tell you sooner ... I hated that you thought you’d be alone on Christmas.

“I guess it’s just … part of me was worried that I’d backtrack and end up going to my parents’ house anyway out of guilt. That and ... when I decided I wanted to try and get all our friends together, I didn’t know if it would all end up falling through, especially since I had less than a week to organize it. And, well, it didn’t end up being too elaborate or anything, although I figured you might like it better that way—”

“Sylvain,” Felix said. “Are you ... apologizing for throwing a surprise Christmas party for me?”

“What? No, I—I was just—I don’t know,” Sylvain stammered. A slight flush had risen to his face. “I wish I could’ve done more, I guess.”

Felix couldn’t hold back a soft laugh of incredulity. “More? You brought all our friends together on Christmas Eve. And you went out of your way to get my Swiss Army knife back and everything. And you canceled your plans to be here. You did more than enough.”

Maybe Felix was imagining things, but he was fairly certain Sylvain’s face was closer to his than it had been before, so close that he could probably count each of Sylvain’s dark eyelashes or the light freckles on his skin.

“Well,” Sylvain said at last, a bit roughly, “I didn’t have much of a choice. You’re supposed to spend Christmas with people you love, right?”

The word love sparked an electric feeling in Felix’s chest that coursed all the way to his fingertips. He quickly tried to snuff out the flicker of hope as he usually did, but ... that was hard to do when Sylvain was still holding his hand, when Sylvain was watching him so intently, like he was waiting for something ... for an answer, or maybe for permission.

Holy shit. That was the only somewhat coherent thought running through Felix’s mind as his pulse raced and a faint ringing sound built in his ears. This couldn’t be happening ... could it?

He didn’t want to give in to the blossom of hope in case he was horribly misreading the situation, but ... he was also tired of running around this thing in circles. Maybe Sylvain was tired of it, too.

Felix tested the waters, leaning towards Sylvain to see if he would pull away. He didn’t. Instead, his gaze traveled downward until it fixed on Felix’s mouth.

A thrill rushed up Felix’s spine. “Yeah,” he said, his voice almost cracking on the word. “I think you’re right.”

It was like he’d spoken a secret spell that pulled them towards each other, and Felix surged forward, only to find that Sylvain had already met him halfway there.

The press of Sylvain’s lips to his was somehow both foreign and familiar at once—only familiar because Felix had imagined it more times than he could count, but it was another thing entirely to actually feel it for the first time.

Felix’s hand reached out almost of its own accord to clench in the front of Sylvain’s sweater and drag him closer. His movements were a bit rushed at first, sliding his lips against Sylvain’s with a harsh and desperate fervor—like some part of him was terrified this was a dream, and that he’d better make the best of it before he woke up.

But then he felt a gentle touch against his shoulder, like Sylvain was silently signaling him to slow down—which he did, yielding willingly to Sylvain’s lead. Which ended up being a very good idea, since Sylvain was evidently more practiced at this kind of thing. One of his arms wrapped around Felix’s waist while his other hand reached up to cradle Felix’s jaw. He pulled back for a second, then tilted his head before leaning in to kiss Felix at a different angle—one that made Felix’s breath catch in his throat and his eyes drift closed as he hummed in satisfaction. Apparently Sylvain liked the sound of that, judging by the way he smiled against Felix’s mouth before deepening the kiss.

Felix couldn’t have said how long this lasted, although he was distantly aware that the movie credits had stopped rolling a few minutes ago, as the quiet instrumental music had faded to silence. He hardly noticed or cared about much else, though, when Sylvain was holding him and kissing him like Felix was the air he needed to breathe.

When they finally pulled away from each other, they were both glassy-eyed and breathless. Felix’s hand had somehow ended up against the back of Sylvain’s neck, while Sylvain still had an arm around Felix’s torso. They just breathed for a few moments, each examining the other’s face as if searching for any sign of regret.

But any shred of doubt in Felix’s mind was vanquished when Sylvain started to smile—uncharacteristically shy at first, and then grinning so brightly that his eyes crinkled up at the corners.

He leaned forward to tip his forehead against Felix’s, and Felix closed his eyes as he smiled to himself. His heartbeat was still ridiculously fast, but it started to even out as his breathing fell back into a normal rhythm.

“So, um ...” Sylvain said, pulling back so he was looking Felix in the eye. “I’ve wanted to do that for a really, really long time.”

“Oh,” Felix said. It rushed out of him almost like a sigh. Oh, his mind repeated. So this hadn’t just been a spur-of-the moment thing. Which meant that Sylvain actually … had feelings for him.

Apparently Sylvain misinterpreted Felix’s dazed silence, because his smile had started to falter and his arm went slack around Felix’s waist. “But, I mean ... if you don’t want to do this again, I—”

“What? No,” Felix cut him off.

There was half a second where he couldn’t believe Sylvain would think such a thing. But then again, he realized, Sylvain had a long history of dating people who had turned out not to care about him in the end—who had only been after his wealth, or had only intended to use him for a short while and then throw him away.

Felix frowned at the thought, but then saw the nervous pinch in Sylvain’s brow, and he immediately softened his expression. He hadn’t meant to make Sylvain think he was angry.

Maintaining eye contact, he reached up and placed a hand against the side of Sylvain’s face. “I’ve wanted to do that for a long time, too,” he said sincerely.

“You have? Really?”

Felix nodded.

Sylvain laughed breathlessly, reaching up to close his hand around Felix’s and pull it away from his jaw. He gave Felix’s knuckles a light kiss. “Damn. I wish I’d known that a lot sooner.”

“I’m sorry. I should’ve told you.”

“Wait—no, no. I wasn’t blaming you or anything,” Sylvain said. “I mean, it’s not like I ever told you how I felt, either. I was just ... I don’t know. Nervous, I guess. That I’d mess things up between us. Especially with us living together and all.”

“Well, I guess that makes two of us,” Felix said with a faint smile, then paused. “Wait, so this whole surprise party and everything … was this all some sort of elaborate scheme for us to get together?”

He’d kind of meant it as a joke, so he was surprised when Sylvain stiffened at the question and looked away. “I mean, not exactly. Mostly I just wanted to do something nice for you because I care about you. But, y’know, if you happened to fall in love with me in the process—”

He stopped abruptly, shutting his mouth like he thought he’d said something he shouldn’t have.

Felix just smiled at him, pulling his hand out of Sylvain’s to rest it on his shoulder. “I was already in love with you,” he said, like it was the most obvious fact in the world.

Sylvain’s eyes widened briefly before he smiled softly back. “Well, I know that now ...”

“Good,” Felix said, tugging Sylvain forward again so that the tips of their noses brushed. There was a sudden burning impatience coursing through his veins that he ached to relieve. Not that he minded just sitting here talking, but he also desperately wanted Sylvain’s mouth against his again. “So, can we get back to—”

“Wait,” Sylvain said. “Let me say it back first.”

Felix blinked at him questioningly. “Say what?”

“That I love you, too.”

Even though Felix had already sort of figured that out by now, hearing it out loud still made his heartbeat stutter in a way he wasn’t expecting. He tried to think of a coherent response, but Sylvain was already looping his arm around Felix’s waist again, crowding into his space so that his breath shivered against Felix’s mouth.

“I love you,” Sylvain said again, and brushed his lips teasingly against Felix’s. “And now I would really like to go back to kissing the life out of you.”

As corny as the line was, it still sent a rush of desire through Felix’s whole body. His hand curved around the back of Sylvain’s neck. “Then do it.”

He’d meant it to sound demanding, and it had come out a little more hoarse and breathless than he’d intended—but he didn’t have much time to be self-conscious about it, because Sylvain was already kissing him again.

It was less rushed this time, more of a steady back and forth as they exchanged long, languid kisses that grew steadily more heated. At some point, Sylvain leaned forward and Felix took the signal to lean back in response, until he was lying horizontal on the couch with Sylvain hovering over him.

Everything from there was a blur of incredible sensations—the swipe of Sylvain’s tongue against Felix’s lower lip, the way he tugged Felix’s collar down so he could plant sloppy kisses against his throat, how his hand teased at the hem of Felix’s sweater and then slid underneath it to trace over his ribs. Felix was sure he was making all kinds of embarrassing sounds, sighing and whimpering and even groaning on several occasions—but somehow it was less humiliating than he might have expected, partly because Sylvain was equally noisy, but also because Sylvain touching him and kissing him felt so amazing that he really couldn’t think about much else.

Finally, Sylvain’s hand slipped out from underneath Felix’s shirt. Felix whined faintly in protest, but the sound cut off abruptly when he felt a light caress against his hip, starting to move along the outside of his thigh, and—

All of a sudden, Sylvain’s lips parted from his. Felix blinked up at him, a little irritated that they’d stopped kissing and more than a little worried that he’d somehow done something wrong. But that fear dissipated when he saw that Sylvain was smiling down at him—although there was an amused tilt to it, like he was trying not to laugh at something.

“What’s so—” Felix started to say, but then realized where Sylvain’s hand was resting—right over the Swiss Army knife, where Felix had slipped it into his pocket earlier. “No,” he said, “don’t say it.”

“Hey, Felix,” Sylvain said slyly, ignoring the warning. “Is that a knife in your pocket, or are you just—”

He was cut off by Felix grabbing one of the couch pillows and whacking him in the side of the head with it—not hard, but Sylvain still cried out dramatically and flopped down on top of him, knocking the air out of Felix’s lungs.

“Ugh,” Felix wheezed. “Sylvain. You weigh like a million pounds.”

“I do not,” Sylvain responded, voice muffled against Felix’s chest. “Besides, it’s your fault for killing me. You brought this upon yourself.”

Felix wriggled one of his arms free, where it had been pinned against the couch, and lifted a hand to rest it against the back of Sylvain’s head. “You’re ridiculous,” he said, although it came out sounding fond rather than exasperated.

“I know.” Sylvain turned his head, nuzzling against Felix’s neck and sighing contentedly. “But you know you love me.”

It was a phrase he’d uttered many times before, but for once Felix was unafraid to answer it sincerely.

“Yes,” he said, “I do.”

They remained quiet for a couple of minutes, Sylvain resting his head on Felix’s chest while Felix idly stroked his hair. There was hardly any sound except for their steady breathing, and the faint background noise of cars driving by outside.

Felix blinked up at the string lights hanging over the nearby window. His heart kept thumping out a frantic rhythm, and Sylvain could probably hear it, but Felix was too thrilled by this whole situation to care.

When he’d finally managed to calm down a little, it started to hit him how exhausted he was. He had no idea what time it was right now, but it was probably far past midnight.

He had started to wonder if Sylvain had fallen asleep. But right then, he felt Sylvain shift against him, and then a weight was lifted from his chest as Sylvain propped himself up.

Felix looked up at him, to find that Sylvain was looking off to the side at something as he smirked in amusement.

“Uh-oh. Looks like someone caught us.”

Felix’s heart almost stopped before he followed Sylvain’s gaze and saw what he was looking at: Zeus, who was sitting in the middle of the living room and staring at them with his yellow eyes glowing in the dimness.

“I’m pretty sure your cat is a demon,” Sylvain said in a conspiratorial whisper.

“Oh, he definitely is,” Felix agreed. He lifted himself up a little and made a shooing motion in Zeus’s direction. “Go away, you nosy bastard.”

Zeus just blinked in response, before lifting one of his paws and licking it vigorously.

Sylvain laughed and rolled off to one side, keeping an arm around Felix’s waist to keep him from falling off the couch. There wasn’t a lot of space for both of them, but they managed to find a more comfortable position as Felix turned over so they were facing each other.

Almost without thinking, Felix lifted a hand to gently brush aside a few stray strands of hair that had fallen into Sylvain’s face. Sylvain just watched him, eyes glimmering fondly.

“You know,” Sylvain said, “I think this is one of the best Christmases I’ve had in my life.”

Felix smiled softly back at him. “Yeah?” he said. “Me, too.”

He knew that there were still a lot of things the two of them needed to talk about, and he didn’t know what the future held. But he did know he felt more at peace than he had in years, as he wrapped an arm around Sylvain and shifted closer to him, his face nestled against the front of Sylvain’s sweater.

The last thing he thought, before drifting off to sleep, was that he was looking forward to waking up on Christmas Day—because, for once, he knew he wouldn’t be spending it alone.